


I've Been Missing You

by dll10



Series: Breaking Dawn Rewrite [2]
Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Breaking Dawn Rewrite, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Imprinting, Sequel, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:34:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 199,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25688917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dll10/pseuds/dll10
Summary: Jacob may have imprinted on Renesmee when she was born, but that doesn't automatically mean the two will one day be romantically involved. Each needs to figure out themselves before they can find love together. Life is a journey and this follows them down the path to the final destination of the other, with all the inevitable pit stops along the way. Sequel to I Thought I Knew.
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Seth Clearwater, Edward Cullen/Leah Clearwater, Edward Cullen/Maggie, Jacob Black/Renesmee Cullen, Jasper Hale/Bella Swan
Series: Breaking Dawn Rewrite [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1863337
Comments: 64
Kudos: 78





	1. 1: Fear - Mae

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think!

I decided to go ahead and post the first chapter of this in honor of the release of _Midnight Sun_ tomorrow. Enjoy reading!

I've always thought the pairing to Jacob and Renesmee would be so uncomfortable and weird unless the situation was handled delicately. That's what I've tried to do here. Manage their relationship in a way that wouldn't be completely hard to stomach or come across as wrong in some way. Hopefully you'll give this a chance and see if you feel the same way.

This is the sequel to _I Thought I Knew_. It follows Jake and Mae (Renesmee) with cameos from all the others. Each chapter is approximately a year in the life, and will alternate from Mae to Jake by chapter. The final chapter will be a glimpse twenty years down the road.

The first two chapters of this jassume you know the other events happening, and skip some things since so much was already included in _I Thought I Knew_. Hopefully, you'll still understand it even if you didn't read that.

A few scenes are taken from chapters in _I Thought I Knew_.

The Jacob/Mae chapters are occasionally very interconnected, other times… not. Sometimes you'll have to wait to see what led up to something you read happening in the current chapter to fully appreciate the significance. Other times, you'll have to wait to see the full impact an event has.

The theme song for this chapter is _Holding On and Letting Go_ by Ross Copperman.

PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(

~

Ch 1: Fear - Mae

Unique. It’s defined as being the only one of its kind; unlike anything else.

The definition fit what she was, except it didn’t.

Almost. It’s defined as not quite; very nearly.

For years, that seemed to sum up every aspect of her life.

Bliss. It’s defined as perfect happiness; great joy.

This is the story of how that came to be the present and future. It just took a little while to get there.

~

September 2016

Today she was marrying her soulmate. It was strange. Fate paired them together. But they didn’t just give in to fate. It wasn’t because they were told to be together that they ultimately fell in love.

When they’d met, they’d been in vastly different places in their lives -- made sense considering he was a teenager, and he was present for her birth. They each had their own journey to take. Their paths began together, but then they diverged, allowing each of them to grow, to discover who each was as an individual, so that they’d be ready for one another when their paths inevitably lead them back together.

He had to become Jacob William Black -- human, engineer, wolf, tribe protector, lover -- in that order, first. 

She had to become Renesmee Carlie Cullen -- daughter, artist, immortal, hybrid, lover -- in that order, first. 

Some people might find meeting their soulmate the day of their birth disturbing or difficult. But for Mae, it was spending years without him after that, that was harder. It needed to happen, but those years weren’t her favorite.

Her life was a clearly defined path with pit stops along the way leading her to this destination.

Even that very first year wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows and wolf pups, despite having him with her for most of it. So much happened. So much changed. It was a constant whirlwind. Only a few moments really stood out, especially today.

~

Year 1 - 2006-2007

September

His face was the first clear memory that registered. There was momma’s broken, battered body, then the sensations of hot and cold with chaotic flashes, then him. Bright and shiny and whole. He was the eye of the storm. He centered her, calmed her.

He didn’t seem to care that she’d accidentally broken the person she loved most -- Bella, they called her. He only seemed to see her. She was all that existed for him. It was a relief that he wasn’t angry. Everyone else was shouting. It was so loud, so scary. Bella had just been so scared, then Mae had been too. And it was cramped, and she couldn’t breathe. It’d been an accident when she moved too much and caused all of this, she knew that. He seemed to as well.

Then there were others, but her eyes always sought him -- like magnets.

~

October

Those first hours were chaotic and confusing. But then the confusion cleared, and in its place, was fear.

Everyone was so afraid. For months on end. And there was nothing Mae could do to stop it. Everyday she willed her body to stop growing, to stop changing, but then she’d sleep, and it would happen. When she woke, it was to find terrified eyes staring at her.

She loved her family. They were everything she knew and cared about. The last thing she wanted was to cause them any distress, but it was impossible for her to prevent. Helpless. Caught up in a current and forced to ride it out.

Only he looked at her like she was just her -- Mae, Nessie, Renesemee -- regardless of what she was called, to him, to Jacob, she was just her. And he accepted everything that happened to her without batting an eye.

During those fear soaked months, the best day of each week was Saturday. He always came and took her to La Push then, and the tension melted away. Laughter came easier. She didn't have to worry about how her family would react, if she would do something that scared them. She didn’t have to try so hard for their sake.

Sometimes she felt papa’s emotions before he could stop them. He was so afraid. He loved her so much, but he was afraid when he looked at her. Momma was even worse at hiding her fear. Her eyes inevitably went wide and her lips would form a perfect o. There was usually even a wrinkle in her brow to indicate Mae had done something she shouldn’t. Something they weren’t yet prepared for her to do.

“Jacob, can I try one?” Mae asked, gesturing to the hotdog Quil was roasting for Claire that afternoon. The young girl was bundled up against the fall wind, a crooked hat perched atop her dark, salt-crusted hair. Mae didn’t get cold, and was fine in a ruffled sundress. At just over a month old, she and Claire could pass for being in the same preschool class at school, though MAe’s speech was much clearer. 

They were on First Beach, sitting around a driftwood fire after going swimming, and she was starving. The waves had batted her around like a cat with a toy mouse, but she’d loved it. The weightless feeling, the salty spray, the popping foam of bubbles. Even better, was when Jacob would toss her into a rising wave. She felt like she was flying before she crashed into the wall of water and it washed over her head.

“You won’t like it,” he warned, but skewered one for her anyways, and held it over the blue-tinged flames to cook.

He always did that, warned her, but let her try for herself anyways. Bella and Jasper always just warned her, because they were her parents and they knew best. 

It was impossible not to think of her family by their first names. Everyone called them that, so she thought of them that way herself. Usually, she had to check herself to remember to address them as momma and papa aloud. Or had a qualifier before the name of her numerous extended family.

Jacob blew on the cooked hotdog, cooling it, then handed the wire coat hanger over, biting back a grin as he watched her. “Go on then,” he encouraged.

The challenge was there. He alone had the power to provoke her. Never would she back down if it was him issuing the dare or insinuating that she wouldn’t do something. She took the biggest bite that would fit in her tiny mouth, determined to eat it even if it killed her -- just because he didn’t think she would.

It was disgusting. Seriously. Like eating baby vomit, toenails, vinegar, battery acid, and rotten meat all rolled into a dirty tube sock. But she chewed it and swallowed the hunk of desiccated meat all the same.

“Would you like the rest?” Mae asked as politely as possible, determined not to let him see her true feelings.

But he did. He always did. Bark-like laughter erupted from him, bellowing forth until he fell backwards in the rocky, pebble-filled sand to look sideways at her. Little pieces of sand got tangled in his dark, glossy hair making it shimmer like her family’s did.

“I can’t -- believe -- you actually -- swallowed it,” he said, continuing to laugh between words. “You hated it, didn’t you?”

“I prefer blood,” she stated primly, trying to mimic her Auntie Rose’s haughty attitude.

“Oh, I know you do,” Jacob said, still chortling. Quil and Claire were laughing too, though Mae suspected Claire was only laughing because Quil was. The conversation was a bit beyond her comprehension level still.

Mae wanted to be angry at Jake for laughing at her, but he looked so jazzed that all she could do was roll her eyes and laugh a little too.

Mae reached over and placed her hand on Jake’s cheek, using her gift to show him an image of her smashing the hotdog against his face and smearing the rubbery, slimy, bloated meat all over his smirking face. Jacob just laughed harder, the sounds echoing through the cove joyously.

That’s how it always was with him. Her Jacob. Her wolf protector. That’s what Quil said they were at least. The guards that fate had chosen to help keep the two young girls safe as they grew up. Could he really keep her safe from herself? Because she was what everyone seemed to fear, her body at least.

Mae could only hope that he’d always be her friend as well as her protector. Because she really needed a friend.

For the first few months of her life, he was the only friend she had.

~

March 

Just after the new year they went looking for answers about her abnormal development. The whole family split up to find information, searching the globe. For four months, they’d tried to find answers about her, traveling through Guatemala and Belize. Bella, Jasper, Jacob, and her -- though she was never allowed to talk to anyone apart from them. It’d been fun at first when they’d just been taking everything in and acting like a real family, but that hadn’t lasted. 

At least Jake was there. He still treated the trip like they were just hanging out and having fun together like they would when she visited him and his friends in La Push. As she’d aged, his friends had started treating her like Jacob did -- one of them. They talked to her like she was just a normal person. Not a three-month-old freak that looked like a five- then eight- then eleven-year-old, changing dramatically with each visit before they’d left Forks. She wasn’t the family’s collective baby. She was just Jake’s friend, Nessie. Of course only he called her that. Everyone else called her Mae.

This trip was like that though. He played countless hands of Uno with her, never getting bored with it or fed up having to entertain her because Bella and Jasper were too busy reading or translating what they’d found. Jake even helped her learn to speak Spanish while there -- though he wasn’t very good himself.

Mae hated that everyone was working so hard on her behalf. There was nothing for it though. She knew they’d not listen if she asked them to stop. She talked to Jacob about it one night when Bella and Jasper slipped away, possibly hunting. Or just seeking some alone time.

“This is pointless. There’s nothing to find or we would have found it already,” Mae stated softly, knowing he’d hear her anyways.

“They love you too much to ever stop trying to keep you with them,” Jacob said, brow crinkling with worry as he watched her from the other full sized bed in the hotel room. She knew he wouldn’t sleep until her parents got back -- guarding her instead -- which meant he’d be tired in the morning. She could stay up and keep him company. At least for a little while.

“What if I just want to quit and go home? I miss everyone,” Mae whispered, confessing the secret to him alone.

“We need answers. We can’t find them at home,” Jacob countered, the wrinkle deepening as he watched her.

“I’m not sure I’m worth this much trouble. Everyone is so frustrated,” Mae said, still whispering. As if too much volume would breath life into the demons plaguing her.

“You’re worth it. You’re the most incredible person alive. Unique,” Jacob insisted.

“If I’m unique, then there aren’t any answers to find,” Mae countered. “This is a waste of time. They should just let me keep changing. I’m all right with it happening.” 

Mae finally understood their fears. Just before Christmas, the clues came together for her. It wasn’t because she was too intelligent or misbehaving or anything like that that had them scared like she’d originally thought. More and more she resembled Bella. Aging. That’s what the changes were. And she wasn’t just aging. She was aging too fast. 

Bella seemed to have a phobia about aging. The way she spoke of it in hushed whispers to Jasper said so much -- even if Mae didn’t completely understand.

If it kept up, Mae would grow old and die. Soon even. Dying. It meant she’d cease to exist. She’d read about it in some of Bella and Grandpa Carlisle’s books. Would it really be worse than living in frustrated fear the way they currently were? The situation was hurting so many people right now. If she died, the reason for hurting them would vanish. Mae couldn’t stand being the source of their problems.

“Please don’t ever say that again. This world would be so much worse without you in it,” Jacob said thickly, face twisting in pain. 

Mae instantly felt guilty. Somehow what she’d said hurt him. At Christmas, Embry had told her she had power over Jacob. That she’d have to always be careful not to say or do something that hurt him. This must somehow be one of those things.

Embry had made her promise not to abuse that power the way Bella had. She didn’t understand, but he promised to explain next time she came to La Push. When her family wasn’t around. She’d not had the chance before they left for their Central American trip.

Mae fell asleep with Jacob’s warped grimace etched onto the inside of her eyelids.

That night the nightmares began. Every time she fell asleep the same scene played out. Mae ripped Jacob’s heart from his chest, then watched impassively as he fell limp at her feet onto a forest floor strewn with brittle, brown leaves -- a bloody hole in his chest where his heart should have been.

It never made any sense. Jacob was her best friend. She’d never physically hurt him. So why did she keep dreaming that she would? 

She’d thrash about before waking, usually screaming herself awake. The scratchy throat and stiff muscles made resting impossible.

Jacob begged her to share the dreams, to use her gift to show him what was scaring her. He swore he could make it go away if she’d just let him help. It was the first time she ever said no to him. She didn’t want to hurt him by letting him see that he was the star -- well, costar -- of her nightmares.

Bella seemed much less worried about the situation and the fact that Mae was having nightmares. She’d always been prone to nightmares herself. But had Bella ever ripped Jake’s still beating heart out? Mae didn’t think she had. Especially not repeatedly.

~

April

His eyes were red, the way Bella’s used to be, only darker. And cruel. They reminded Mae of a knife. Sharp. Deadly. Intent on inflicting pain.

They were just trying to go home. Then the man appeared. He was dangerous. Lethal. Infinitely more malicious than the robbers from the Home Alone movie she’d watched with her family at Christmas. Bella’s reaction terrified Mae. The fear palpable. Smothering.

Bella growled again. Mae could feel the vibrations rumbling through Bella’s chest from where Mae clung to her back.

He wouldn’t stop staring at Mae. It was disturbing. His eyes were hungry -- like he was thirsty. And she was to be his next meal. 

Mae used her gift to show Bella an image of Jake and Jasper. They needed them. Bella needed to stop growling. It only seemed to provoke the stranger more, and they were in an untenable position. So why wouldn’t she stop?

“Momma?” Mae whispered, seeking answers when her mother didn’t say anything to her silent communication.

Bella tried to conceal her, fluttering, jittery hands tried to cover her, shield her out of sight. Mae peaked between the spread fingers, needing to keep the scary man in sight. She couldn’t avoid him if she didn’t know where he was.

“Well, well,” the stranger said, voice thickly accented and cold as ice, biting and stinging. “I remember you from your visit. I am Santiago, and I see you’ve been busy during your short time in this new life. She’s very nearly too young. I’m sure --”

Mae whimpered as he spoke of her. Nothing in her short life had prepared her for this. He broke off when he heard her, the sound catching his attention once more. Instantly, she regretted not swallowing the sound. 

It was so hard to breathe with him looking at her like that. She wanted her wolf protector. Quil said Jacob would always keep her safe. So where was he? Or Jasper. Jasper was invincible. She’d seen the proof. All the scars. No one was strong enough to hurt him. Why weren’t they here?

The Volturi guard studied her like she was a new breed of insect. He listened, head cocking as he inspected her more closely. His brow wrinkled in uncertainty and confusion.

The vibrations of another of Bella’s growls resounded, shaking Mae’s whole body. Or was she shaking with fear? Trembling as the cold spread from the icicles for eyes he pierced her with.

“What is she?” he finally asked, seeming unable to help himself.

“Leave her alone,” Bella hissed, muscles tensing in preparation to attack. She hunched forward, and Mae instantly tightened her grip to keep from toppling off of Bella. 

He seemed to get a thrill out of Bella’s protectiveness. Her efforts to shield Mae amusing him. Oh, please just go away and leave us alone, she silently begged. She just wanted to be surrounded by her family again. It was finally happening, but now there was this!

More vibrations shook Mae when Bella suppressed a snarl. 

“Aro will be fascinated with her,” Santiago announced casually, as if it were a foregone conclusion that Aro would be meeting her. Who was Aro? And why did the name sound like a threat? “She’d make such an interesting addition for us.”

“No!” Bella cried, the word filled with bits of broken glass that shredded Mae as it passed to fill the clearing.

“You think you can keep this secret?” Santiago asked, laughing in disbelief. The laughter abruptly died, and he straightened, eyeing Bella more critically. “Or were you threatening me?”

“Stay away from my daughter,” Bella demanded, sounding scary herself. 

It was the first time Mae realized her mother was a dangerous predator too. It shouldn’t surprise her. She’d watched Bella take on Uncle Emmett and win when they arm wrestled, and once when Em had tried to fight her for real. This was different. Nothing suggested this would be a friendly competition.

“As if you could stop me,” he taunted, sneering disdainfully at Bella’s threat. He wasn’t intimidated in the least. He very much intended to hurt Bella.

Mae pressed her hand against Bella’s cheek, trying to reason with her. She showed her the three of them talking, Bella relaxed. Then Jacob and Jasper again, this time showing up to help defuse the situation. 

“Renesmee,” Bella scolded, ignoring her plea. What if they fought? This man seemed intent on hurting Bella. Didn’t she see that? They needed to stall or find a way out of this. This man looked like he’d even enjoy hurting Bella. That was the very last thing Mae ever wanted to happen.

“Is that her name? Renesmee,” Santiago asked gleefully, saying her name with relish. Bella hissed again, but he ignored the threatening sound. “Why don’t you come with me so I can take you to meet some people. They’ll be very interested to get to know you,” he offered, holding out a hand. Did he really expect her to walk over there and take it? Was he insane?

“No, thank you,” Mae said, her voice coming out higher than normal, betraying her fear. 

Auntie Rose said it was important to always let a person down gently. They handled rejection better when you did. Of course Uncle Em had added that mutts responded better to the simple, straightforward command, ‘No!’. The two had laughed at the private joke, but politeness seemed the best approach right now. She didn’t want to anger Santiago more.

“How... polite,” he started slowly, acknowledging her effort. A deeper, more penetrating coldness replaced his congenial mean though as he continued, “But it wasn’t a request. Come with me or I’ll kill your mother and take you anyways.” The words came quick and cruelly as he tossed the threat out as easily as breathing.

Apparently she’d angered him anyway. So much for civility.

The sounds of ripping cloth echoed around them, and pieces of a pair of cut off shorts fluttered down as Jacob’s massive wolf form lunged forward, snapping his powerful jaws at Santiago. 

Jacob! He was finally here. Jacob was massive, powerful, roaring as he flew past her and Bella. She’d known he’d come to protect her. Bella had doubted it, but she hadn’t. Jacob would always help her. 

The vampire stumbled back, eyes widening comically with shock and his arms pinwheeling.

Jake’s teeth caught the vampire’s flailing wrist, cutting clean through with an ear-splitting grinding cacophony so that Santiago’s hand was dangling at an odd angle. He roared in outrage as Jacob spat the hard chunk of vampire flesh aside like it was a watermelon seed. 

The guard barely hesitated, using his other meaty fist to slam into Jacob’s side with the force of a sledgehammer. The snap of breaking ribs knifed through the night air, and the wolf went flying, soaring into a tree before crumpling to the ground with a heavy thud. 

“Jacob!” Mae cried. No! He couldn’t be hurt. He had to be all right. If he wasn’t...

Mae scrambled down Bella’s back, attempting to dart forward and help him, but Bella caught her arm, pulling her quickly back. Mae struggled against her, desperately trying to tug herself free from the stone imprisonment. It was no use. Bella was too strong for her. She didn’t even seem to notice Mae’s continued efforts.

Jake had already sprung up, lunging forward with renewed purpose to protect as he headbutted the vampire, pushing him in the opposite direction of Mae -- even hurt, she was his priority. She watched as he used the move to shove Santiago with all four paws, bounding off of him, and out of reach before Santiago could land another bone-breaking hit. 

Once more, Mae tried to go to him. Could Bella not see that he was hurt? Did she not care? Every fiber of Mae’s being was crying out, screaming at her to help him. He was hers. Hers to protect every bit as much as she was his.

“Renesmee, no, you can’t. I’ll help him, but you must stay back,” Bella promised, waiting for Mae to nod in agreement. She did, though she never once looked away from Jake. Nothing could make her look away when he was in danger. She had to know how he was.

Jake continued darting around the vampire, nipping at his heels to keep him off balance. Each time he nipped Santiago, he tore a new piece off the vampire until they were scattered all around them like hail during a summer storm.

Mae was about to yell at Bella. Her mother still wasn’t helping. If she wouldn’t --

“Renemsee, find the lighter in your bag,” Bella ordered, finally doing something.

Mae tugged the small bag from her back, ripping open the zipper in her haste to retrieve the lighter. They’d used it just the other day to toast marshmallows. They’d gotten the idea from learning people toasted marshmallows over the lava erupting from Pacaya, another volcano near Antigua that they hadn’t visited. Mae knew what a sweet tooth Jacob had, and wished he could have tried it. They’d settled for toasting the gooey sugar the traditional way that day instead. Jacob had eaten each and every one of the marshmallows she toasted for him -- even the ones she’d accidentally blackened when they got too close to the dancing, flickering flames.

Bella darted forward to grab the arm Santiago had aiming a punch at Jake. The second his head turned to growl at her, Jake caught his knee, ripping the lower part of his leg off and tossing it to where Mae stood.

Bella fell back, abandoning Jacob to the fight once more.

Mae shoved the lighter at Bella, silently ordering her to do whatever she had planned to help Jake. Immediately, Bella lit all of the nearby discarded bits of Santiago on fire, including the portion of the leg. Lavender smoke bloomed upward the second the flames engulfed the stone-like misshapen lumps. 

Mae realized that Bella was permanently killing the vampire. As the pieces burned, flames ate the edges of stone, crumpling them like tissue paper, blackening at the edge and lined in incandescent red. This was what death looked like.

Jacob had been fighting to the death. What if it’d gone the other way, and that was parts of him scattered about?

Would this be her if she died? Death had just morphed into something entirely different to her than the descriptions she’d read about.

Santiago roared in outrage, turning to limp towards Bella and Mae.

The redirection was enough that Jake was able to clamp onto the back of Santiago’s neck. Jake’s teeth grated and ground as they moved through Santiago’s battered, broken body, delivering the final death blow with a decisive, echoing click. It happened so fast. One moment Santiago was talking to them, then he was dead. Gone forever.

The instant all four of Jake’s paws touched the ground, Mae launched herself forward. This time Bella didn’t try to stop her. She had to get to Jacob. She had to see for herself that he was all right. Was his side hurting? Had anything else happened to him that she missed?

Jacob leaned into her when she hugged him, sniffing her hair and pressing his wet nose into her cheek. Warm, moist whooshes of air hit her cheek, and she was grateful for the proof that he lived. Her fingered threaded through his fur, combing the soft tuffs, checking him for cuts and ridding it of unwanted forest debris that had gotten tangled up in the russet strands during the fight. But when she reached his side where he’d taken the hardest hit, he sniffed and sidestepped, shifting deliberately away from the touch. Sensing her concern, and not wanting her to feel rejected, he nudged her with his head. 

Her arms looped around his neck, holding him tightly. And she buried her face in his fur, taking in his warmth and listening to the steady pounding of his heart. The sound more soothing than any other on earth. Safe. He was safe, and now she was too. 

Nothing else mattered in that moment.

The next thing she knew, Bella was pulling her away from Jacob. Reluctantly, she released her hold. Separating the last thing in the world she wanted to do just then. But he needed to shift, and after Emily… Well, he liked Mae to put a good ten feet between them anytime he shifted.

He was modest too. Always insisting she not watch. Seth had told her they sort of shimmered and glittered when they turned, their skin rippling and morphing. But Jacob had never let her watch so she could see for herself. Even Claire had seen Quil shift. It wasn’t fair, but now wasn’t the time.

She buried her face in Bella’s hair, sensing her momma was still frightened. If she could make her feel better, then she’d try to help, however she could.

Jacob stepped up behind her. She felt the heat of his presence, heard the lullaby of his heart, and smelled the pine and butterscotch of his woodsy scent.

 _Thank you._ Mae heard her papa say as Jacob stepped back, moving away from her.

“Of course,” Jake said. Mae listened even as Bella held her tighter to keep from looking at him. 

_Send them to the airport. I’m almost there myself. Then cover their scent. Felix is still in the area, and he can’t find any trace of them. Understand?_ Jasper ordered.

Bella loosened her hold on Mae, and she turned, searching for Jacob, wanting to see him and reassure herself that he was all right, not only his wolf.

His expression was worried, and he looked from Bella to her as he spoke, “How bad is this?” 

_We’ll talk at the airport. Hurry, but be thorough,_ Jasper replied.

“Sure, sure,” Jake muttered, handing the phone and bag to Bella then turning to get to work as Bella pulled Mae onto her back and sprinted them away.

~

April

Bella and Jasper stopped in the yard a couple days after the Denalis arrived when they got to the house, intending to spend the day training as they usually did these days. Somehow the fight where Jacob and Bella killed the vampire had made a lot of people very angry, and they were coming to hurt her family as payback. 

Mae didn’t entirely understand, and no one seemed very interested in explaining it to her.

A new source of fear shrouded her home. At least this time it wasn’t entirely her fault.

They’d finally come home, but it was not the way she remembered things. Everyone was busy preparing. Training. Planning. She missed the days spent playing games with her family. Doing science experiments with Carlisle. Rose and Alice playing dress up with her. Reading with her parents. Gardening with Esme. Swimming with Jacob. Throwing a ball with Seth and Emmett. None of that had happened in the week and a half since they’d returned.

Mae went on into the house. Hopefully Grandma Esme or Auntie Rose would want to spend time with her today. She was starting to get lonely with everyone focused on the upcoming fight.

The clanging of piano keys rang through the house, part of a bridge forming. Mae went in search of who was playing. Usually it was only her, or occasionally Rose when she was teaching her. Edward sat at the piano.

He played? Was that where her interest came from?

“Probably,” he answered, smiling though he didn’t look up, just slid over. A silent invitation to join him so they could play together.

She hesitated, uncertain.

Yesterday was the first time they’d ever spoken, and she still didn’t really know how to act around him. Was he a friend like Jake or Garrett? Or did she have to treat him like she did Jasper?

“Do what feels natural. We can figure it out together,” he offered, slowing his playing, but not stopping. The music made it easier to sort out her thoughts.

She’d always known Jasper wasn’t really her father. Never once had he claimed otherwise. He wasn’t the one that created her. He was just the one that held her while she waited to meet her momma. He was the one that read her bedtime stories. He was the one that when he hugged her, she felt his love like it was a tangible teddy bear. He was the one that looked at her mother like she gave life meaning.

So meeting Edward, the father that left her had been a shock. She hadn’t expected to like him. Honestly, she wanted to hate him. He’d abandoned her.

He’d explained himself, but it didn’t really help. The excuses seemed flimsy. If examined under a light she could see holes in them. They were the kind she’d use to explain how her human food ‘accidently’ ended up in the trash instead of her mouth. And this issue carried far more significance.

If she kept aging, and he hadn’t been needed here -- if Auntie Alice hadn’t sent him -- he might not have gotten around to ever showing up before she died of old age. Died like Santiago. 

Edward missed a note, his fingers spasming, but he didn’t comment, just went back to playing. He was letting her decide what she wanted to do. Giving her space and not pressuring her. Somehow watching Santiago burn, watching him die, had clarified the future she was facing. They’d found no answers. She could be gone soon too.

Another missed note.

When Jacob had first told her about Edward, she’d wanted to meet him. But he had not made any effort to meet her. It hurt. And now? What was the point if it was temporary, or only happening because he was forced to be here.

“I’m not, but I should have been here for you sooner. I wish so much that I had been,” Edward breathed, the melody becoming dark, reflecting their collective mood. 

She’d been excited to meet him. Amazing how time and unmet expectations could morph a feeling until...

“You’re understandably angry and frightened,” he finished the thought for her. His smile grew, bittersweet yet inviting. It relaxed her a little that he wasn’t upset that she felt that way. As if he understood dark and unpleasant thoughts. Probably he did, thanks to his gift.

“Did anyone ever tell you it’s rude to do that?” she said, feigning lightness as she tried to break the ice a bit.

“All the time. Does it bother you?” he asked, curious. He seemed endlessly curious about her. Maybe he truly did wish to know her -- even if they wouldn’t have long together.

“I’m glad you know my thoughts. It’s easier than trying to explain,” she said, stepping up to the edge of the piano and running her fingers idly against the smooth, black side. The distraction made their interaction less uncomfortable.

“Like your gift. Sometimes words aren’t the easiest way to express yourself,” Edward nodded, glancing at the spot beside him, demonstrating how words weren’t always needed. She smiled and sat, lightly touching the keys.

She listened to his next few notes then played a couple. He smiled again, countering the sounds. A melody began forming. Tender, sad. Missed opportunities and an uncertain future. This was a language they could both understand and relate to.

At some point Grandma Esme joined them, watching silently from the couch, giving them space, but being with her beloved family.

“You’re getting very good,” Edward praised when they had nothing left to add. Time was needed to see where the story would go.

“How long have you been playing?” Mae asked. He’d been much better, but she appreciated the compliment.

“Over a century,” he said, reminding her that he was so much older than he looked -- just like the rest of her family. The opposite of her. Would she get the chance to be as good? “You will.” 

He held out his hand showing it to her. She brought hers up beside his. They were the same. Long, thin fingers. Hands designed to create. It wasn’t what she’d meant though. 

“I know,” he whispered, deeply saddened. 

“Oooowwww!” Emmett howled, the yell resounding through the room and breaking the moment.

“Your cousin, Kate, zapped him. She has tasers for hands,” Edward explained, wiggling his fingers.

“Can we watch?” No one else had let her, but she wanted to see for herself that they were as strong as Jacob, and that they could fight like he had.

“Your mother’s daughter. I didn’t fare any better trying to keep her away from watching Jacob train,” Edward chuckled, carefully placing a hand on her shoulder to guide her outside. He touched her like she was spun glass, prone to shatter at the least pressure. Or possibly he feared she’d rebuke him. 

Edward was going to let her watch? She hadn’t even needed to beg! Then she realized what he’d said.

“Momma watched Jacob? Why?” she demanded. Had they faced threats before? Was this not the first fight her family, apart from Jasper of course, had been in?

“They were already good friends when you came along -- it’s why he got to meet you right away,” Edward said, distracted. Or like he was deliberately picking what to share. Because that didn’t really answer any of her questions -- those verbally and mentally asked.

She watched him, waiting. He winced, but didn’t elaborate. He knew she found his answer unsatisfactory. Yet he ignored her silent prodding anyway. How convenient.

“Definitely Bella’s daughter,” he muttered. “Who do you think will win?” he asked, redirecting her attention to where Emmett was sparring with Garrett now. Guess one shock was sufficient for today. Em would leave Kate to Bella, though her momma was currently busy sparring with her papa.

“Uncle Em,” Mae answered immediately. She’d always bet on her family, unless Jake was involved. Then it was hands down him. Every time. “You don’t?”

Edward watched them intently.

“Left kick to the shoulder followed with a sweep -- Emmett won’t move in time,” he replied an instant later. Less than a second after he spoke that was precisely what happened.

“You’re cheating!” Mae exclaimed, pushing his shoulder when she realized he’d read Garrett’s plan and judged Emmett’s response.

“It helps,” he said, seeming delighted that she’d called him on it, and had felt relaxed enough to do it. “Always use any advantage you have -- no matter the situation,” he advised. Rosalie had advised her much the same, but that had been when coordinating hair and shoes.

“I won’t ever fight -- Jacob will protect me,” Mae said, certain he’d always be there for her.

“What if he was hurt or needed you to protect him for some reason?” Edward asked, watching Bella attempt to dodge Jasper’s rapidfire strikes. One landed with a crack!

They paused, Jasper speaking too softly for Mae to hear, but Bella nodded and resumed a fighting stance. Then they were at it again. It looked like they were dancing with the way their bodies moved together and around one another. Always trying to be closer. They were so in sync, even when training.

Was that how she and Jacob were? No. It was definitely different. Maybe someday --

Edward sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes closing and his expression tight. It reminded her that she’d not answered his question.

“Impossible,” Mae insisted. Though the idea took root. She may need to protect him someday. It was only right, only fair, that she be able to look after him the way he looked after her. “But I get it. You really think someday I can fight like that?”

“I have a feeling that one day you will insist on it, my mini Bella,” Edward said dryly, loud enough to catch Bella’s attention. She looked over and stuck her tongue out at him. Jasper spun her around, stealing a quick kiss, then darted away so she could refocus.

Each day was spent the same, slowing learning who her father was. He was somewhat of a mystery. Being open didn’t come naturally for him.

It actually reminded her of herself and how she refused to share the private details of her nightmares. Or how she really felt about everything currently happening. It’d only hurt her family to know how scared she was about them having to fight, and she couldn’t do that to them. If possible, she’d have talked to Jake about it, but he was never over. 

She hadn’t seen him once in the two weeks since they’d returned from Central America. His sudden absence was like abruptly having a limb amputated. He’d gone from her constant companion for months on end, to nonexistent overnight. Had he finally gotten sick of her? Or was he upset that he’d had to kill Santiago because of her?

Jacob was a huge question mark. It left her decidedly unsettled. Worse, the nightmares were back with a vengeance.

~

April

“What do you mean you’re sending me away? But we have to stay together -- forever,” Mae said, looking from Bella to Jasper. “I have to be where you are.”

Bella looked anguished. Jasper pulled her to him, and took over. They’d said they needed to talk to her, but never had she imagined they’d reveal something like this.

“We want that too. You know you’re everything to us, poppet,” he said, reaching out to clasp one of her hands in his free one.

“Then let me stay. I can help, papa,” Mae begged.

“No,” Jazz breathed, distraught himself at the very thought.

“What if something happens --”

“That’s why you’re going with Jake. He’ll keep you safe. He’ll look after you, and he’ll need you to look after him,” Jasper insisted, using his gift to make the words more appealing to her. She sensed the subtle manipulation, but it was so slight that she knew it was only because he believed in what he was saying, not because he was trying to alter her.

That hadn’t been what she’d been trying to say. She wasn’t worried about herself. She was worried that something might happen to them, and that she’d never see them again.

“I love you, Renesmee. More than my own life,” Bella choked out, laying her heart bear, and Mae could not argue with her. The memory of her mother’s broken body when she had come into this world, the knowledge that even then Bella had felt nothing but love for her, prevented it.

“Momma, I love you too,” she said instead.

“Jake will be over soon. Can you take her to talk to Edward?” Bella requested thickly, staring at Mae with greedy eyes, as if for the last time ever.

“Yes. Come on, poppet. Let’s go find out what your dad thinks of this plan,” he said, wincing a little. 

He didn’t know yet? Then she still had a chance to convince him she shouldn’t go anywhere. He was her ticket out. She couldn’t say anything to Jasper or Bella, not when she knew what this cost them, but it wasn’t like that for Edward. He didn’t love her the same way yet, or feel the same need to protect her. He could be her chance to circumvent all of this. 

They ran towards the main house, away from their little cottage. Jasper’s look of concentration a minute or so out told her he was mentally sharing the news so Edward wouldn’t be caught off guard in front of her. It let her know to act fast before the decision was already made.

 _Dad, please. Don’t make me go. I need to be where my family is. Don’t let them send me away._ Mae silently begged, trying to win Edward over.

“I’m sorry, Renesmee. They’re right. You need to go to Alice,” Edward said before they’d even spoken, and before they were even all the way in the house.

Taken aback. Betrayed. Someone she loved could die, and it was his fault she’d not be there for it. He really didn’t want her. If he did, he wouldn’t ship her off like unwanted luggage.

“You can be angry with me if you need to be mad at someone, but you’re still going.” That was Edward’s only response. She refused to speak to him after that. 

So much for getting to know each other. It’d be a little hard to do when they were in different countries. Again.

~

April

Still nothing from Jacob. She’d given in and called him that night. Ready to rail about Edward not taking her side. But Billy said he wasn’t there. Which was a lie because she heard his voice in the background. Did he not want to talk to her? But why? It didn’t make any sense.

The next day was even worse. He finally came over. The first time since they’d gotten home. But only because she was out with Esme, Rose, and Carmen. Then when she got there, he focused on helping Grandpa Charlie deal with learning about the supernatural, and basically ignored her. 

There was no basically about it. He hadn’t spoken to her once the whole time. Didn’t even acknowledge when she cheered for him to beat Uncle Em in video games. Something had happened. Was he angry with her about her parents asking him to leave with her? That hadn’t been her choice. Didn’t he know that?

~

May

She’d looked forward to the plane ride. Eighteen uninterrupted hours alone together. It was immediately apparent he did not share her enthusiasm. They finally had answers. She wasn’t dying. Not anytime soon at least. There was another like her -- they’d be meeting him soon, and Jake couldn’t seem to care less.

Concern for their families overshadowed the experience for her too, but this was more.

“Something’s changed between us,” Mae acknowledged, trying once more to get him to open up to her, and going right for the heart of it when nothing else seemed to be working.

Jacob looked away from her, a tick forming in his jaw as he clenched his teeth. Similar to the way his hand shook before he balled it into a fist. “I’m just worried about the fight,” he finally muttered in a tinny, hollow voice.

“That’s the first time you’ve ever lied to me,” Mae whispered, staring at him like she was seeing a stranger. Because that’s what had happened. A stranger had replaced her Jacob. She didn’t recognize this new version of him.

He was silent for a long time, not denying her acquisition, or rushing to correct it. That made everything infinitely worse. 

“Problems among the packs,” he finally confessed, sensing her distress. Instinct told her he was feeling much the same, and that this was a least a portion of the truth. What could have happened?

“Did you want to be a wolf?” she asked suddenly, never having considered it before.

“No.” The single, hard word told her so much. It was a revelation. This was not the life he’d have chosen for himself if given the choice. He would not have chosen to be her guardian.

“Do you ever wish you weren’t?” she whispered, hardly daring to form the words.

“For a long time, yeah. It’s better now, but sometimes… “ he trailed off, shrugged. “Do you understand?”

“I wish I wasn’t a hybrid,” Mae admitted, since they seemed to be sharing. Finally. And it was all she could say to let him know she got what he was saying.

She longed to be one or the other. Not this strange mixture in between. Not after all of the problems it caused her family. She felt responsible for the fight they were now facing. The one she’d been sent away from home for.

“But you’re unique,” Jacob said, confused. Like being unique was something to aspire to when it was forced on a person because of what they were. Not because they had an original personality that was true to the individual. 

Had he really not picked up on her dislike of all the little ways she didn’t fit in with the rest of her family? She’d always thought he understood her.

The chasm that had recently formed between them was slowly deepening with each revelation. Entirely too soon it would be unsurpassable. How had this happened?

“Except I’m not. That’s part of us leaving momma, papa, and dad, right?” she pointed out, though the decision had been made for them to leave before the good news was discovered.

“True,” he admitted, a relief settling over him. Was that it? Was he grateful to finally be done trying to find answers about her? Has it been that much of an inconvenience?

Here was more distance separating them. Already she could no longer see the bottom of the crevasse.

“Nahuel mentioned having a couple sisters too. Just imagine the drama there,” Jacob said absently.

It reminded her of her own complicated family dynamics. Enough that she confessed, “I can’t even figure out my parents. How am I supposed to figure out what I am when I’m surrounded by… other?”

“All three of them love you, if that helps,” he said. It only reminded her of Edward, and the way he didn’t side with her when it mattered most to her.

“But can I trust all three of them?” she asked. Edward had already let her down more than he hadn’t throughout her short life. Jacob made a face, like he’d thought the same himself before. Mae instantly latched onto it. “That! Right there -- you hesitated.”

“Edward and I have history, but he’ll do right by you,” he insisted, meeting her eyes for the first time in almost a month.

“I guess we’ll see when we get home,” she said. Time. She’d need time to see for herself. She was starting to realize that trust wasn’t always a given.

~

May 

Mae took one look at Nahuel and flushed. He was gorgeous, mesmerizing. Lean and graceful in his animal skins and bare chest. Dark, shiny hair. Rich, brown skin. Penetrating teak eyes. He looked at her differently than others did. He understood. Understood like no one else ever had.

She’d seen Jake’s Calculus book before Christmas when he’d been studying for finals. It was easy to do the problems in her head. She’d been three-months-old at the time.

Nahuel recognized her predicament. She could see it in his face. Her mind was years ahead of her body, and that was years ahead of reality. He got it in a way no one else ever could, even if they tried.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Renesmee,” Nahuel said, bending his head in greeting. So formal and regal. He was a character from a book come to life.

“You’re really like me?” Mae asked, hopefully. She’d known, but seeing him for herself… “I’m not alone anymore.”

Jake ignored them, scanning the area as if he expected a threat to jump out at any moment. Or like he was trying to give Mae the illusion of privacy. Silently, she thanked him for the courtesy. It was something at least.

“No, you’re not,” Nahuel acknowledged, then added, “I have three sisters too. Though they are not as approachable as I am.”

“So you’ve always known others like us,” Mae said sadly, a smidge envious. For a moment she’d forgotten about his family.

“Not always. My aunt Huilen raised me,” he said, gesturing to the silent woman nearby. The small woman looked angry, distrustful. Hateful even. Mae instinctively felt an aversion to her mere presence. “She’s a vampire like your family. So I went many years before I met my half-sisters. You’re the first like me I’ve met that was not sired by Joham,” he continued, offering her a way to connect with him. Mae latched onto it, loving that she’d have someone else to talk to.

“Joham is your father?” Mae asked. He didn’t seem to like him much. She wondered what their story was, but perhaps it wasn’t something he’d like to discuss. She certainly didn’t want to discuss Edward right then.

“Yes. He left when my mother was pregnant, and only came back much later,” he shared. The personal details made her feel closer to him, and helped her to open up a little too.

“Mine did too!” Mae cried, bouncing up on her toes excitedly, not because Edward abandoned her, but because it was yet another thing they had in common. “But I had momma and papa,” Mae added as an afterthought.

“Alice told me your mother survived your birth. I find it so hard to believe,” Nahuel said, zeroing in on the mention of Bella.

“Momma’s strong. The strongest,” Mae said like it was simply a fact. “She fought for me, and she fought to live.”

“You are very lucky,” Nahuel said, sadness and longing clear on his face. It must have been so hard for him, not having people to help his mother like Alice and Seth had helped Bella. 

Sympathy welled within her for her male counterpart. They were two sides of the same coin. Her fate could have been his but for a single flip.

“I am,” Mae agreed.

“Is this the first time you’ve visited my country?” Nahuel asked, though he knew it was.

“Yes. It’s beautiful,” Mae replied, glancing around. They’d stopped to see the towering, snow capped peak of Osorno and the jagged, irregular spikes of Fitz Roy, though only from a distance, on the way south.

“Have you ever seen an iceberg?” Nahuel asked, and when Mae shook her head no, invited, “Would you like to?”

The five of them spent the rest of the day together. Alice didn’t seem to like it when Nahuel would ask about Bella, but Mae understood. She remembered that instinct demanding she escape. The way Jasper had kept her calm so she didn’t accidentally hurt Bella instead. The image of Bella lying broken as Seth lifted her was never far from her mind. Nahuel hadn’t had others helping him like she had. So his interest made perfect sense to her. 

The loneliness and absentee fathers was just the beginning of their bonding. By the end of the day they’d also bonded over a preference of blood over human food, an appreciation for foreign languages, and the annoyance of needing sleep when surrounded with those that didn’t. She was less than a year old, and already they had much in common.

When it was time to say goodbye, Mae asked, “Are you coming with us?” 

“Huilen doesn’t like to travel much, so we stick to this region or the Mapuche territory that we’re from mostly,” Nahuel said apologetically.

“If you ever decide to visit Washington, or wherever my family is, I can show you around,” Mae offered. 

She’d also explained how cellphones worked and given him her number. Hopefully he’d at least call even if he didn’t visit. They could be friends.

“I’d enjoy that very much, Renesmee. Though it may take a few years for me to convince Huilen to join me, and I would not like to leave her behind all alone,” Nahuel said, conditionally accepting the offer. Mae beamed in anticipation of a future reunion. 

~

May

Jacob shifted without warning. She saw it all. The way his bone cracked and changed. The fur retracting. He shimmered and rippled like water when a rock was dropped in it. His body morphing, fluid and malleable like clay worked into a sculpture during a time-lapse photo.

Then he was just Jacob -- only broken. A demon trapped in hell. Damned to eternally see heaven, but forever be unable to escape to reach it. 

It was the first time he’d ever let her see him shift, but the experience was tainted. Even the untrained eye could detect the damage. He was not unaffected by the events that had just taken place, despite the distance.

“It’s over -- your family is safe, Seth too,” Jacob stated the instant he could form words with a human mouth.

“Jacob… what was that?” Alice demanded, standing, but keeping her distance.

Mae knew immediately what Alice was referring too. Mae had spent a lot of time with Jake in his wolf form, and it had never been like that. The sheer force he’d projected. It filled the room, dominating it. The urge to lay down and give her belly had flared within her a couple times, and Alice had cowered in the corner for most of it, genuinely frightened of Jacob despite the friendship they’d developed.

And now… Mae sensed Alice’s fear. Fear of Jacob and the power he wielded. Mae herself was unafraid. But she could see how it had been enough for Alice to have her instincts, those of a vampire and his mortal enemy, reacting.

But at least everyone back home was safe. Then she picked up on the fact he hadn’t said that. He’d qualified his words to what each of them was most concerned for. And the way he looked… 

“Your pack? The Denalis?” Mae questioned.

“Embry is dead. Irina too,” Jacob confessed, voice that of a barely animated corpse. She moved towards him at once.

“Jake --”

He turned from her, addressing Alice as he slipped on a pair of shorts. His state of undress hadn’t even registered. 

“When’s the next flight?”

Then they were on the way to the airport. Alice spoke to Bella at some point, but Mae’s attention never strayed from the wolf. His devastation eating her alive.

Jacob was a shell. He didn’t talk, and Alice watched him sadly. Mae wanted to talk to him, but words didn’t come. What could she possibly say that would make this better? He’d loved Embry. And now he was gone. Forever.

Everyone had been so worried that she’d die soon. Embry hadn’t even graduated high school yet. Not for another three weeks. His whole life was supposed to be before him. And now the chance to live was gone. No college. No career. No great love. No future. He was nothing. Like Santiago.

Jacob had protected her, at the expense of his lifelong friend.

“You must hate me,” Mae whispered, shaking her head slightly. “All of this happened because I exist.”

“I could never hate you. It’s not possible,” Jacob countered hollowly, never looking away from the clouds outside the window. The gloomy grey mimicking his mood.

“Because I’m your imprint,” Mae acknowledged, nodding once. “You’re bound to me -- whether you want to be or not.”

“Yes,” Jacob agreed, absently.

He jerked, seeming to only just realize what he’d said. But the confession was precisely what she’d feared since seeing his face after the battle ended.

“And if I didn’t want you to be?” she asked, before he could apologize. She couldn’t bear for him to lie to her again by trying to take it back.

Absently, she heard Alice’s sharply indrawn breath from where she watched them from across the aisle. But her aunt didn’t intercede. Maybe she, like Mae, recognized what needed to happen next. The seed of Edward’s words from before had started to sprout. 

“I’m not sure that’s ever happened before,” he admitted, as if the thought had crossed his mind before. Given the fact he’d admitted to wishing he wasn’t a wolf, it probably had.

“Then maybe it’s time it did,” Mae said, offering the only form of peace she could for him. He needed it so much right now. 

The longer he sat without speaking, the more confident she grew that this was the right course of action. Looked like Edward really had been right, after all. Now it was her turn to protect Jacob. This was the only way she could. She couldn’t bring Embry back. But she could give Jake an out.

She’d heard him tell Bella about getting into college. A college her family couldn’t follow him to. He could go. He could escape the pain of loss. Heal in peace without reminders or the responsibility of protecting her anymore.

The expansive golf between them now only had a fraying rope bridge crossing it. It twisted, caught up in the elements. That was all that was left tying them together. What would happen if it was severed clean through?

Guess she’d find out soon enough.

As she watched him, she detected the wheels turning in his mind. The possibility for escape. After a few minutes, he looked even more devastated, but he didn’t, not once, argue against the idea.

~

May

Her father was gone. Edward wasn’t there when she got home. She should have expected it. But she’d hoped… And Jacob didn’t need to say it for her to know he was leaving her too. She’d been mentally preparing herself since the trip home.

Embry’s death destroyed him. Utterly and completely. He’d never heal if he stayed. She’d be a constant reminder of the loss. She had to keep reminding herself so she didn’t behave selfishly and cling even tighter to him. He’d given her so much, now it was her chance to give him something. She could do this -- for her Jacob. Her best friend.

Jasper and Seth came with her when he delivered the news. Each offering a different type of moral support.

“I’m glad you decided to say goodbye before you left,” Mae said quickly, shuffling her feet and squeezing her hands behind her back to keep from hugging him. He’d not allowed her to since they’d returned from Central America. She didn’t understand why, just that he would shun any touch from her.

“So you know. Did Bella tell you?” he asked flatly.

“No one needed to. I know you, Jacob,” Mae said, reminding him of their bond. And the fact that she wasn’t an idiot. They’d spoken on the plane only two days ago. What else would this formal meeting be about? “This is what you need.”

Jasper left, giving Jake a little privacy in case he needed it. Her papa seemed to think she would be fine. He had more faith in her than she did herself. Though it did actually help her emotionally pull herself together. For Jake’s sake. To make it easier for him.

Seth remained -- he’d see the whole exchange in Jake’s head anyways -- sentry and future escort to take Mae home when this was over.

“If you ask me to stay, I will,” he offered.

Did he want her to? For once, she couldn’t read him. It’d be the wrong thing to do, she knew that.

“I’m not asking,” Mae finally said, so softly she wondered if he could hear her.

He sighed, and she could feel his relief in the sound. 

“You’re not mad?”

“No. I think a lot has happened that you never asked to be a part of. You did what was asked of you anyways because you’re a good person. It’s not wrong for you to take a step back and go after what you want now.”

“You always understand me,” he said, a little less broken than before. Maybe she’d mended a little piece of him already by doing this.

“Of course I do. I’m your imprint,” she murmured. Oh, the irony of that. “Are you free then? Are the chains gone?”

“They were never chains, Ness,” he denied, shaking his head at the analogy.

“A noose then? Because I could see how it was slowly killing you. I’m not sure why -- you never said,” she countered, the last was accusatory. She’d nearly always confided in him, but she’d figured out it was a one way street. “But sometime between Guatemala and Chile, I became a noose around your neck.”

“Renesmee --”

“Don’t! I’m not blaming you. I’m trying to set you free. I don’t need you anymore. It’s time you got to have your own life, and go after what you want for yourself,” Mae said, cutting him away from her.

“You are part of my life,” Jacob said, brow wrinkled.

“Did you want me to be? I’m not asking if you’re happy that I am now, but did you want me to be before the imprint?” she asked, and he just stared at her, determined not to lie to her ever again. Once had been enough for both of them. “It’s okay, Jacob.”

“All right. I guess… goodbye then?”

Mae stepped up to him and touched his cheek, ignoring the way he flinched at the contact, and showed him an image of himself laughing on a sunny beach talking on a phone.

Jacob nodded, agreeing to the silent request.

Then she was gone. Seth ushering her back to Forks. Back to the Cullens. To the comforting arms of her papa. She needed Jasper more than anyone else just then.


	2. Fate’s Bitch, or How the Hits Just Keep on Coming - Jacob

Author’s Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think! 

Some of this is Jake’s POV of scenes from _I Thought I Knew._

The Jacob/Mae chapters are occasionally very interconnected, other times… not. Sometimes you’ll have to wait to see what lead up to something you read happening in the current chapter to fully appreciate the significance. Other times, you’ll have to wait to see the impact an event has.

In _New Moon,_ Stephenie Meyer says Paul is sixteen, same as Jake. I have Jake a year ahead, in his senior year, not junior year when this story starts, so the same is true for Paul. Makes it a little better considering Jake’s sister, Rachel, who just graduated college is his imprint (even if she did graduate early). I don’t like pairing a college grad with a junior… too icky. That’s sort of why this story goes the way it does for Mae and Jake -- so their relationship is less disturbing than it might otherwise be. It’s also why she ages even faster than in the books.

This chapter has two theme songs - _Breathe Again_ by Sara Bareilles and _The Weight of Us_ by Sanders Boehlke.

PS I’m not Stephenie Meyer, so I don’t own anything :(

~

Ch 2: Fate’s Bitch, or How the Hits Just Keep on Coming - Jacob

September 2016

If someone had told him he’d ever end up marrying his imprint when it first happened, he’d have sucker punched him. No holds barred, hauled off and knocked the shit out of whoever said it. She’d been a baby. It just hadn’t been like that. Not for them. Not then.

He convinced himself he imprinted because the wolves and veggie-vamps needed a better alliance, and she needed to be kept safe. It made sense given the events leading up to her birth and those during her first year of life. But when that was all over, he was able to walk away. That didn’t happen with imprints. Not if there was some mystical tie forcing them to be together romantically. For him, walking away was proof they would never be like that. And he’d been so fucking glad of it.

Yet here he was, ten years later, after countless twists and turns in his life, happier than he’d ever been in his life. And all because that was exactly what he planned to do today -- marry Renesmee Cullen. His Ness.

He’d have never dreamed this could be his life. Not back then.

~

Year 1 - 2006-2007

September

She was so innocent. Nothing had ever hurt her. Nothing had ever made her happy either. A blank slate. Just wait till she found out her dad took off before she’d even been born. Or that carrying her had nearly killed her mom.

What a way to come into the world…

And fate had decided to pair her with him? He was a reluctant teenage werewolf in love with her mom.

What the hell? What a fucking joke… Even better, it was one that wasn’t even the least bit funny! How was he supposed to navigate the minefield?

He couldn’t. It was that simple.

Which was why he was still there. In a house filled with his natural enemies. Of course it was. Even as blondie fed his imprint, and the warrior watched him calculatingly, he stayed.

Even as the girl that once held his heart, because oh, yeah… guess what… she suddenly didn’t anymore -- but yeah, even as her heart raced towards its last beat in a room upstairs, he stayed.

Fate’s bitch. If only others could be so lucky.

Renesmee -- Nessie, because what the hell had Bella been thinking with the ridiculous name -- was his destiny. Even if it didn’t make a lick of sense. Even if those trusting brown eyes stared at him as if he could never hurt her, as if he would always help the others protect her. And he knew they would -- with his help. Always and forever.

His imprint was a fucking infant. Everything he’d ever believed about being a wolf disappeared. They’d all been wrong. Imprinting wasn’t about finding a mate, or passing on the gene. It was about the pack as a whole. Nessie was glue, bonding the Cullens and wolves together for eternity -- thanks to him.

The Cullens were strong. True, evil bloodsucking vampires wouldn’t attack the packs so long as they had the Cullens’ protection. The same held true in reverse. That’s what this was. He’d imprinted to make sure the good vampires lived, and that his people had a future. After all, less than four hundred lived on the rez. They were such a small tribe. Easy to annihilate. But not if they possessed the protection of vampires. The protection of their enemies.

So his imprinting -- the event that was supposed to bring him untold happiness like it had for Sam, Jared, hell, even Paul, ended up being about the tribe. Made sense considering he was supposed to become the next chief. 

It all made sense.

It was about the tribe. Not him. He didn’t get a happily ever after.

And yet… and yet he just hoped she’d be happy, and that she could at least have her own happily ever after someday.

~

September

“I imprinted,” Jake said flatly, stepping through the door and seeing his dad in the kitchen.

Billy was futzing with the coffee maker. It’d stopped working before Jacob started patrolling the Cullens’ place. Guess his dad hadn’t been able to fix it. He’d have to take a look after he got some sleep. He needed it to recover. The blow Bella delivered still ached. She was definitely stronger. Stronger than him even.

“How?” Billy asked, dropping the screwdriver and spinning in his chair to look at Jacob dumbstruck. Guess Sam and the others didn’t come by and tell him yet. He’d figured Paul at least would.

“I looked at her,” Jacob said dryly.

“Jacob,” Billy chided, giving his only son a hard look for the smart ass comment. “Last I heard you’d not left the Cullens’ place --”

“Yeah. Bella’s daughter. Renesmee -- Nessie,” Jacob explained a little bleakly. Why on Earth had Bella picked that god awful, mouthful of a name? And where did she get off thinking Nessie was a worse substitute. It fit. She was a cute little monster, after all. Jacob stood by his choice of nicknames.

“And?”

“And she’s a baby. I mean she’s perfect, but I can’t help wishing I could be a little bit selfish,” Jake said, shrugging and plopping tiredly into the chair at the kitchen table. It was the only one they had since Billy lived out of the one he used. But now that Rachel was living here again, they should probably get another, especially now that Jake was back under his dad’s roof too. Maybe even two more. They couldn’t seem to shake Paul -- though without a place to sit, maybe he’d feel unwelcome enough to stay away more often. Particularly during mealtimes. Bi;;y could hardly afford to feed Jake, let alone two wolves.

“You never know. What’s she like?” Billy prodded. Jake realized he wasn’t just asking because it was Jake’s imprint. Nessie was his best friend’s granddaughter too.

“She’s got a heartbeat. She’s warm too -- like me warm,” Jacob said, a little surprised about that still. If anything, he’d expected her to be cool given who her father was. He figured Billy could do without hearing about the blood drinking and teeth. “Gifted. She can share her thoughts and emotions with pictures when she touches you.”

“Sounds like she’s pretty remarkable. Unique. But maybe not too different from you,” Billy said, studying his son closely.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You said you want to be selfish, but imagine being her. She’s surrounded by vampires, yet she isn’t one herself,” Billy said, waiting for Jacob to understand.

“You think it’ll be hard for her, growing up like that,” Jake said, contemplating what that would be like. Surrounded by the perfect Cullens. Moving every couple years. All of them paired off. Her biological father gone -- though Jasper seemed pretty keen to take over.

“She’ll probably be lonely. Your similarities may be a comfort -- you’re both of two worlds. Maybe fate has more in store for you,” Billy said, displaying his wisdom, and part of the reason the tribe council all looked to him.

“I’m really tired of fate making huge decisions for me. Would it be so bad for me to live the life I want for myself?” Jacob asked, though it lacked heat.

“We don’t always get the chance -- even when we aren’t wolves,” Billy said, running his fingers over the wheels of his chair. It was a pointed reminder that Billy hadn’t just lost the use of his legs unexpectedly. He’d also lost the love of his life, and ultimately one of his daughters since Rebecca was never likely to come home again -- not even for her twin Rachel.

“Sorry, Dad,” Jacob said, immediately contrite.

“I know you didn’t mean anything by it,” Billy assured, though he looked satisfied that his point had been made.

“I’ve really put you through it though,” Jacob said. Realizing for the first time how difficult it must have been for Billy when Jacob took off. He hadn’t been much better since returning either.

“There’s a reason Rachel is my favorite right now,” Billy said, completely serious.

“Sure, sure. I know you love having Paul around so much,” Jacob joked. Rachel’s homecoming wasn’t entirely without its own issues and adjustments. Particularly since Rachel had already graduated from college and Paul was in Jake’s grade -- a senior in high school still.

~

January

They’d just gotten to Guatemala to search for answers about Nessie’s accelerated growth a week earlier. He didn’t actually expect any of the Cullens with him to remember his birthday, so when they did, he was unabashedly pleased.

Of course he hadn’t known they remembered until that night.

Mae suddenly jumped on his back, covering his eyes with her tiny hands. If anyone else had tried that, he’d have thrown them off in an instant. However, since it was her, he just grinned and listened to the high, clear ringing of her laughter.

“What do you want more than anything?” she asked, whispering in his ear. He could hear her excitement in the tone of the question she posed.

“Answers,” he replied immediately. It was true. He desired knowing she’d be safe and happy above all else.

“Hmph,” she huffed, and he could picture her rolling her liquid brown eyes. “It’s your birthday. I asked what you wanted for yourself -- not what you wanted for me,” she reprimanded, then pushed on his head a little, commanding, “walk straight forward.”

He did without protest, listening as two engines came to a rumbling stop in the distance, the engines turning off a moment later. The area was silent but for those sounds of the motors. Most of the local animal life had been scared off by the heavy, growling noise.

“They’re the same thing,” he insisted, amused at the way she turned his head to steer him into taking a slight right.

“Well, that needs to stop. It’s not right,” Mae complained. 

She was adorable with her insistence to look out for everyone around her and try to take care of them, when all they wanted to do was take care of her. She reminded him of the way Bella had always taken care of her parents and how he’d looked after Billy ever since the car accident that killed his mother and injured his dad’s spine.

More engines rumbled in the distance, the purr a little rough and indicating they could do with a tune up. Probably an oil change too.

The knowledge that she was a natural nurturer, and likely always would be, kept him from protesting or arguing further. He’d not win, so what was the point?

“Probably four-wheeling. It looked like it’d be pretty fun,” he said, answering her original question. The engine sounds had reminded him of the people they’d seen riding out of town the day before, heading off into the jungle.

“I knew it!” she cried, dropping her hands away, and hopping off his back to spin around happily.

Four blue ATVs, already a bit muddy, sat a ways off. Clearly, she’d intended to lead him closer, to where Bella and Jasper waited, already seated on two of the machines, but her excitement about guessing correctly had distracted her.

“You get one to yourself?” he asked, noticing there were four. He’d gone for a casual tone, but the look she gave him said he’d failed. 

It wasn’t her fault that he couldn’t help but picture how Bella had been whenever they’d gone riding. Seven times out of ten they ended up at the hospital with her needing stitches -- and that was after she got the hang of it. He didn’t want to see Nessie hurt now. It mattered so much more to him that she never felt pain of any sort.

“I may not be as tough as Momma and Papa, but I’m not a puny human either. I could crash it into a tree -- not that I would with my reflexes -- and walk away without a scratch,” she reminded him, taking his hand and practically dragging him forward. He had a feeling she was more excited about this than he was. “I’m durable. Sturdy.”

“Jasper talked Bella into letting you then?” he asked dryly. Jazz was far more indulgent with her than Bella was, less prone to stifling her and forgetting she wasn’t a normal human child.

“Pretty much,” Mae agreed quickly. They were close enough that he could hear Bella and Jasper laughing at their exchange. “Good surprise then?”

“It’s great,” he said honestly.

“I bet I can beat you,” she challenged, always ready to try and one up him.

“You can try,” he taunted, eager to accept.

They rode for hours, tearing through the trees and splashing mud all over the place. The rush was intoxicating. At one point, they made their way to a coffee farm. Ness dared him to try the coffee beans, so he’d plucked a handful of the still green beans and tossed them back. Immediately, he’d gagged and spit them out, much to the others’ amusement. In all, it was one of the most memorable and adventurous birthdays he’d ever had. There’d even been cake -- and for once he’d not had to share it since no one else liked sweets.

~

March

Hell on top of hell. That was the story of his life. Jake watched his imprint growing uncontrollably. She’d aged from an infant to a teenager in six months. And there was nothing he could do to stop it.

He’d failed her.

Even as they searched for answers to explain why she grew so quickly, and hope for how long she’d have faded. He’d truly failed. He couldn’t find the answers they needed. And she wanted to give up.

The idea was so wrong. Antithesis to his very nature.

In this one thing, he could not give his imprint what she desired.

~

April

“Both packs have to fight,” Jacob insisted. Sam had shown up a few minutes earlier saying his pack would not be involving themselves in another of the Cullens’ fights. After the way things went down with Santiago in Guatemala, it was a given that the Volturi would retaliate. There would be a fight, and Jacob expected his brothers to participate.

“You’re not in charge, Jacob. It’s not your call,” Sam said, trying to infuse his voice with the hardness of an alpha command. It didn’t phase Jacob in the least. Especially not in human form. Never again would Sam have power over him.

“Is this payback for breaking away? Because I wouldn't follow you?” Jacob asked, incredulous that Sam was even considering sitting out of the fight. 

They existed to fight vampires. Several very bad vamps were coming to their home, threatening good friends of theirs. Why the hell wouldn’t they fight?

What did he think would happen if they let the Volturi come here and destroy the Cullens? It went against their natures to let bloodsuckers live. Or was that it? Sam was hoping they’d wipe each other out, and save his pack the trouble. He wouldn’t attack the Cullens himself, not with the treaty, but he had no problem seeing them die. And here Jacob was thinking they’d moved past all this now that he wasn’t the one leading the charge against them insisting they were enemies.

“It’s about the danger you’ve brought to our doorstep -- again. And all for Bella Swan,” Sam said with so much condescension Jacob wondered how he hadn’t choked on it.

“This isn’t Bella’s fault. I killed Santiago. They’re coming here because of what I did,” Jacob countered. 

He had been the one to attack first. To protect Nessie. He’d lost his mind when he’d heard the guard threaten to take her. He’d never let that happen. Never.

“To protect her. She’ll never love you. Even when Edward left her again, she chose another. She’ll always choose another, and you’ll always be begging for scraps from her. Endangering the tribe while you do it,” Sam said, genuinely disgusted with Jacob. It took him a minute to realize Sam was still referring to Bella, and Jake’s former feelings for her.

“I don’t still have feelings for Bella. Not anymore. And last time I checked, we exist to fight vampires. Why does it matter why they’re coming? We have a job to do regardless,” Jake argued, annoyed to have his past used against him, and thrown in his face like this.

“One that you keep making harder. You broke our family, and set all of this in motion -- damned the consequences. You’re not fit to lead us. If you were, you’d have phased first and been alpha from the start, putting the pack first -- not vampires,” Sam accused, making Jacob think this really was about dominance. He was pissed Jacob hadn’t gotten in line when told or come crawling back to him by now. “But we never come --”

The sound of Jake’s phone ringing caused Sam to break off mid tirade, and kept Jacob from countering. 

Irritated, Jacob grabbed the phone, practically growling when he grit out, “Hello?” 

“Jake? Can you come over? It’s urgent. I need to talk to you about Mae,” Bella said, voice shaking. Seriously? Now? Could her timing be any worse? 

“Yeah, be there in ten,” he said, because what else could he say. It was about Nessie. He couldn’t ignore his imprint if she needed him.

“Surprise, surprise,” Sam mocked, grandly gesturing towards the door.

“I have to go. Bella needs me,” he muttered, hating the look Sam was giving him. Like this was proof of everything he’d said thus far.

 _Bella needs me._ How many more times would those words rule his life?

“Better run along then. I’ll be here when you get back,” Sam promised, though it sounded more like a threat. It pissed Jake off.

“Good. This conversation isn't over. Your pack will be fighting,” Jacob hissed through gritted teeth, stomping out of the house before Sam said anything else.

The conversation with Bella didn’t take long. Just long enough to find out he’d be leaving with Nessie in a few days so he could keep her safe while the others fought for him.

Awesome. Great. Now even his thoughts were sarcastic. That’d never happened to him before he met Bella. Now it seemed to be the norm.

Sam was right where he’d left him when he got back. Double great. He actually wished Sam had gotten tired of waiting and taken off. A temporary reprieve would have been nice. He was dreading the conversation they were about to have.

Triple great. Could his luck seriously be any worse? Billy was home now too. He did not want to have this fight in front of his dad. He’d caused the old man enough stress this year already. 

Why could he not catch a fucking break? Just once would be nice. Just once would be wonderful, so he could prove that he wasn’t the selfish, immature kid he’d been up to a few months ago, and demonstrate that he’d stopped doing things that unintentionally hurt others. Guess he’d have to keep waiting for that chance.

“Well?” Sam asked, giving him a once over. It grated on Jake’s already frayed nerves.

Nothing for it then. Better to just rip off the bandaid and get this over with. “I’m taking Nessie out of the country before the fight starts.”

Sam laughed, like this was exactly what he expected. For Bella to be selfish and put her daughter’s safety above the rest of them. It actually was pretty spot on behavior for her, but he didn’t blame her in the least. Nessie came first. That’s why he’d agreed to take her.

“All the more reason my pack shouldn’t fight. Not with you running away. She knows this is a lost cause.”

“Wouldn’t you do anything to protect Emily? Nessie is my imprint. I don’t have a choice here,” Jacob said, emotions strained to breaking. It’d been all he could do to keep it under control when talking to Bella. Her request and his acceptance was evidence that Sam’s earlier argument had merit.

“Why do you think I’m here, Jacob? For Emily. For our future. The future of the pack. At least one of us has to put them first. We can’t risk our entire species going extinct in a single fight!” Sam yelled angrily, fists clenching several times while he took deep, measured breaths to force an artificial clam over his person.

“I’ve already said I won’t be there, so there’s no chance of that,” Jacob said, nauseous at the thought of being the only one left once all was said and done next week. He didn’t want to think about every one of his brothers and sister dying like that.

“That’s hardly a comfort. We both know you won’t pass on the gene,” Sam sneered.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Why wouldn’t I?” Jacob demanded. He’d not thought about having kids. Not yet at least, but it wasn’t like he wouldn’t someday get around to it.

“Renesmee is an abomination. A mule -- sterile,” Sam said coldly.

At once, Jacob began shaking. It was like those early days after he’d first shifted when all it took was for someone to look at him wrong and his skin would quiver, threatening to explode. Only this was so much worse. Icy rage turned his vision black, descending like curtains at a show’s conclusion. Every instinct within him clamored for blood -- Sam’s blood. 

“Sam!” Billy shouted, appalled. He wheeled forward, planting himself squarely between the two alphas.

“How dare you insult Nessie! Where do you get off even daring to speak her name?” Jake hissed through clenched teeth, seething. He didn’t acknowledge his father’s attempts to intercede. The nails of his balled fists cut so deep into his palms that he smelled the rusty scent of his spilled blood.

Sam would pay for insulting her like that. It was an unspoken rule that nothing was said against another’s imprint. None of them had ever so much as considered thinking a negative thought about Emily’s disfiguring scars. And now for Sam to say this? To call Nessie names like that...

“Don’t get mad just because you aren’t willing to face facts. She’s part vampire. Surely you’ve realized you’re incompatible. Or do you really believe she’ll be able to carry a wolf without the genetics causing her to self-abort?” Sam demanded, crossing his arms indignantly.

Every ounce of Jacob’s cold fury vanished. Melted in an instant to be replaced with revulsion. Sam thought Jacob intended to have children with Nessie? She was just Nessie… not… not… he couldn’t even form the thought.

“I’m not having kids with Nessie. It isn’t like that,” Jake denied, shaking his head at the implication.

“Of course you’ll try. You won’t be able to resist -- trust me, I know. Mules don’t reproduce. And you won’t be able to even think about having sex with anyone else, and I’m betting you’re not planning on being a monk forever,” Sam said wryly, clearly referencing his own struggle with Leah and Emily. “And even if you could sleep with another, there’s no guarantee you could get her pregnant.”

“No! I’m not having this discussion. Nessie is a child,” Jacob spat, stomach rolling and clenching so painfully that acidic bile filled the back of his mouth, burning and gagging him.

“She won’t be much longer. At this rate, in a few months she’ll be old enough to have sex, and you’ll start seeing her that way,” Sam said anyways, watching Jacob closely. Was he trying to provoke him into a fight? It sure seemed that way.

More bile filled his mouth and he swallowed convulsively to keep from heaving all over his father. The bitter aftertaste cleared his thoughts, bringing them into crystal focus -- like sunlight through a magnifying glass.

“Never!” Jake roared as soon as he was sure he wouldn’t vomit.

“You’re out of line, Sam,” Billy said, harsh formality making Billy seem more imposing than he ordinarily did while confined to his chair.

“Then what was all of this for? The only reason they’re here is because of Jake -- his involvement with Bella drew them back, and his imprinting made them stay,” Sam said defensively, trying to appeal to the older man.

Was that really what he thought? Was that how they all felt? He’d doomed them all because of his friendship with Bella. The one he’d clung to even when he shouldn’t have. Even after they’d all begged him to let go and cut ties with her.

“No one would be at risk if not for Jake. If anyone gets hurt, it’s his fault,” Sam continued, looking back at Jacob to add, “It’s on your head. Again and again you refused responsibility, refused to be a true alpha, yet you make decisions that lead to messes that others have to make sacrifices for. You’re a selfish child making others risk their lives and families so you can have what never should have been yours -- Bella, or an imitation of her, because of course you would settle for that. And now you’ve dragged Leah and Seth into it as well. They’re in with the Cullens as deep as you, and it’s your fault.”

The blows just kept on coming. Raining down with unfailing accuracy, and precisely delivering bloody, damning bruises. He didn’t know which accusation to address first. Finally, he selected the easiest, and said, “You’ve lost all right to make decisions about Leah, and who she chooses to spend her life with.” Sam’s teeth ground audibly together, and a muscle ticked in his jaw at the pointed reminder.

“I’ve said all I came to say. You want us there fighting, fine -- but again, it’s on you if someone gets hurt. I hope you’re ready to live with the consequences -- finally.” Sam turned and stormed out. Jacob didn’t try to stop him. Couldn’t handle any more barbs launched his way. The wounds from those already inflicted cut deep -- to the bone deep. He’d been flayed, whipped, drawn and quartered.

Shamefully, Jacob met his father’s eyes, expecting accusations like those Sam had made or confirmation that what he’d said was the truth. Jacob had been undeniably selfish and immature in his dealings with Bella. Now it was coming back to bite him. 

Instead, all he found was a deep well of sadness. That was so much worse.

“He’s not right, son. About any of it,” Billy said carefully, treading on thin ice, afraid to say the wrong thing and have it break so suddenly that he plunged into the deadly frozen water waiting beneath.

“Are you sure about that?” Jake asked hollowly, not really believing the platitudes.

“Yes,” Billy said, reaching out to touch Jacob’s arm. There was no comfort in the familiar gesture, Jake was beyond where the effects could travel.

“I’ve resisted becoming a true alpha at every turn. Even my pack is a way of resisting. Instead of stepping up, I ran,” Jacob acknowledged.

“They chose to follow you. Willingly,” Billy countered.

“She’s Bella’s daughter,” Jacob reminded him, addressing the other serious accusation that Sam had made. “And if Sam thinks that I --” he broke off, disgusted. It took swallowing three times before he could force the words out, “How many others do too?”

“Don’t let others ruin something precious. You know the truth,” Billy insisted, gripping Jacob’s wrist tightly now. He had a feeling it was already too late for that.

A knock at the door startled Billy, but Jacob was too numb to react. When had his life gotten so twisted and distorted. It was wrecked beyond recognition. 

Charlie Swan left himself inside, toeing off his shoes and taking four steps before he halted, sensing he’d stumbled upon a private scene he wasn’t supposed to be witnessing. He surveyed the scene more critically, setting a six pack of beer on the entryway table.

“This a bad time?” he asked slowly, looking between the father and son.

“No, come on in. Just in time for a cold one before --” Billy started, but the door being thrown open a second time stopped him short.

Paul stood in the open doorway, shaking with rage. He balled his fists then growled, “You’re not fighting? What the hell, Jake?”

“What fight?” Charlie asked, adopting his professional cop persona, ready to help de escalate the situation.

“Paul, don’t. I can’t right now,” Jacob begged wearily. He really couldn’t handle anymore right now. There was only so much before he snapped and broke altogether.

“Don’t? Don’t! You expect me to risk my life fighting for the Cullens, and you aren’t even going to be there,” Paul repeated, incredulous. His shaking got worse, the worst Jake had seen it since before he imprinted. Since Rachel, nothing phased Paul. But somehow this was.

Charlie’s face showed his confusion at hearing the Cullen’s mentioned, but Paul was too worked up to notice his slip.

“I have to protect Nessie,” Jacob said flatly, mouth filling with renewed bile even as he said her name. Wonderful. His imprint physically disgusted him. Jacob doubted that had ever been the case for any previous wolves.

“What about Rachel -- your sister? Doesn’t she matter to you at all?” Paul demanded, punching the wall just inside the door so hard his hand went through the drywall leaving a bloody streak behind.

“Out of line, Paul,” Billy warned for the second time that night, though the first time to Paul. Charlie looked ready to arrest Paul for the outburst and destruction, but Billy’s words stopped him. “Charlie, I think we need to call it a night, reschedule for another time. Looks like I have some family business to attend to,” he added.

“Right,” Charlie said hesitantly, still eyeing Paul suspiciously. “You sure you got this in hand?”

“She’s pregnant,” Paul blurted.

“Ahh. I see. I’ll leave you to it,” Charlie muttered, clearly uncomfortable. At least the announcement seemed to make him forget the mention of the Cullens. 

Paul moved aside without comment so Charlie could exit. The sheriff barely even paused to grab his shoes before he was gone.

“But you haven’t even graduated high school yet,” Jacob said, stunned by the revelation. It was all he could think of. They were in the same grade at school, but Paul hadn’t taken his exams early the way Jake had. He was still going to class with Embry and Quil and wouldn’t finish for a few weeks yet. 

Rachel was young for her class, and thanks to the summer classes she’d taken, had graduated early. She was still only twenty-one, and had just gotten a job teaching fourth grade at the Forks Elementary School starting this fall. Both of them were really young to be having a baby, and not really settled yet.

“And now I might never get a chance to meet my child,” Paul said, face contorting with genuine fear. “So think about your niece or nephew when you’re safely tucked away with your imprint and this goes down.”

“Jacob,” Billy said quietly, almost apologetically considering they’d not had a chance to finish their own conversation yet, then continued, “would you excuse us? I think Paul and I need to have a talk.”

~

April

“Would you like to tell me what that was about in there?” Jasper asked, blocking Jacob from leaving. Charlie had just left, and Sue had made it perfectly clear that she expected Jake to follow her to help reveal more about the packs to her fiance.

“Not really,” he muttered, not pretending to misunderstand him.

It’d been the first time he saw Nessie since his fight with Sam the day before. And he’d been unable to prevent his stomach from rolling at just the sight of her. The memory of what Sam had suggested would happen between them. She was still a child for fuck’s sake!

“And yet you will if you plan to leave here,” Jazz said menacingly. They may be friends, but no one fucked with his family. Jacob could respect him for that. For the way he constantly looked out for Bella and Nessie.

“Jazz --”

“We’re friends, Jacob. Don’t get me wrong, we are. But tonight you felt disgust when you looked at my daughter. Now you’re going to tell me why,” Jasper demanded, stepped into Jacob’s space until the cold sting of his familiar southern scent burned his nose. 

At least he had the decency to keep his voice low enough that no one else in the house could hear. And it wasn’t like Edward hadn’t read his mind earlier and heard everything anyways.

“Sam said…” he swallowed past the rage and nausea, then awkwardly continued, “he said… he implied I’d be with her soon. Like in a few months, soon. That --”

“That you’d be having sex with my daughter before she’s fully grown? Trust me -- you won’t,” Jasper stated, shocking Jacob when he actually relaxed at learning what the problem was.

“I know that! It’s not like that, but --”

“I know it’s not. I’d have killed you without a second’s thought or hesitation if it were,” Jasper declared, deadly serious, and Jacob didn’t doubt for a second that he would have, treaty be damned.

“If he thinks that…” Jacob paused to swallow, then asked, “What do others think? Bella? Carlisle? Esme? My people?” Jacob asked, revealing his fears. He covered his face with his hands, scrubbing at it like that could possibly wash the stain of the foul words away.

“Sam is projecting his own issues about Leah and Emily. He had no right to do that, or to make you doubt the bond you have with Mae. It’s innocent and beautiful -- I’ve felt it,” Jasper said, shaking his head and clasping Jake’s shoulder.

“I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t even look at her anymore,” Jacob said, his hatred for Sam and the way he’d tainted the relationship he had with Nessie coming through.

“What else did he say? There’s more to this,” Jasper prodded, testing Jake’s emotions and finding more complex feelings buried beneath this issue.

There was no point mentioning the Bella replacement shit. And he didn’t see Nessie like that so it didn’t matter. They’d never be together so that issue would eventually resolve itself.

“Basically? That I’m a shit chief that constantly lets his people down,” Jacob confessed, adding, “and proven it by the fact I’ve agreed to run away with my child imprint instead of staying to defend my brothers and sister. I’m not even sticking around to defend the tribe -- not that I’m backing out. I’ll take Nessie, and I swear, Jazz, I’ll keep her safe.”

“I’ve never doubted that you would,” he said calmly, watching Jacob closely. “Have you thought about taking a step back? You only just turned seventeen. You can’t be expected to be a leader until you learn how. The best leaders are always those reluctant to step up, but do it anyways because they know they’re needed. But you can’t be needed, not properly at least, if you don’t have the necessary knowledge and skill to help them.”

He’d gotten into school -- a good one at that. Maybe this was his chance to get out and grow up before taking on the various mantles people were asking him to accept.

“When this is over and we get back, I’ll think about it,” Jacob hedged. He didn’t want to leave if Nessie would continue aging. Though he also couldn’t deny the appeal of getting out. At least for a little while. Jasper was right, he did have a lot to learn still.

All he did was think about it in the days leading up to him running with Ness. Even more so once he learned that she wasn’t the only hybrid. That she’d be fine. She was immortal. She’d survive and live a long, happy life.

Jacob wasn’t needed to watch over her anymore. He could leave without regrets. Possibilities opened up before him.

~

May

“I’m blind today,” Alice said mournfully. “What if he…”

They’d gotten a hotel room for the day, and he and Alice had cleared a place in the middle of the room for him to shift and watch the fight taking place back in Forks. Now Alice was fluttering about, fussing with everything. So this was what a nervous vampire looked like.

“Seth is strong. He’ll be all right, Auntie Alice,” Mae said, watching as Alice slid down the wall to sit curled up in a ball, arms wrapped tightly around her legs. Guess she’d run out of things to straighten or push further against the four beige walls.

If Alice hadn’t told him herself that she’d fallen for Seth, this would have been enough to let him know. The vampire in love with the wolf. Who’d have ever guessed it was even possible?

“She’s right,” Jacob assured the dark-haired fortuneteller.

“But I won’t know what’s happening to him -- everyone -- and you can’t even tell me when they engage us,” she whispered, looking up at him with large golden eyes. They dominated her face, like a babydoll’s. She was so tiny, and the uncertainty made her seem very young. Closer to Nessie’s age.

Nessie sensed it too, and sunk down beside her Aunt’s hunched form, wrapping her long, slender arms around Alice’s narrow shoulders.

“I’ll signal when it’s starting, but I have a feeling you’ll be able to tell,” Jake promised, tugging his shirt off. “Keep her back.”

“Jacob!” Mae protested, but Alice caught her hand.

“Sorry, sweets. But I could use the moral support anyway,” Alice said, drawing Mae’s attention. Her long curls whipped out when she turned her head, filling the room with her sweet scent. It had always reminded him of vanilla frosting and strawberry shortcake.

Jake took advantage of her distraction to remove his pants and phase. 

_Jake! You’re with us,_ Seth thought happily. Little punk. He was far too excited for what was about to happen.

It was obvious they were getting anxious waiting. Their minds were tense. The stress building until it forced an almost slap-happy outlet as they waited.

 _Nope, I just want to see her a sec,_ Seth denied, having heard Jake’s inner thoughts. Jake didn’t need any further explanation. He looked at the little ball of obvious worry that Alice formed against the wall. _She cares. Told you guys._

 _It could all be for her family,_ Quil fired back, giving him a hard time.

 _Sorry, but the punk’s right. She admitted everything -- plus I saw it,_ Jake thought, surprising himself by defending Seth.

 _Oh, yeah. We all saw the epic kiss. Again and again,_ Embry groaned, mentally slapping his face as he teased Seth.

 _And again -- it’s all he thinks about,_ Leah grumbled. _Like I want to think about kissing the leech._

 _You’re too busy thinking about kissing your own leech,_ Quil accused, jumping in with his own teasing.

 _Leah wants to kiss Edward,_ Embry supplied. As if Jacob didn’t already know all about that. They’d had several long conversations about it when it was just the two of them phased.

 _Way to keep a secret,_ Leah hissed as Jacob revealed a little too much of the conversations they’d had. 

He winced. It wasn’t like he’d deliberately thought about it. But Embry’s prompting had brought the details unintentionally to the forefront of his mind for the others to witness.

 _At least I’m kissing someone,_ Leah directed the thought at Embry, firing a shot at the overly innocent wolf. _Or could be,_ she amended. Interesting. So Edward was on board then?

 _Hey! I kissed Jessica Stanley at Bella’s graduation party last year,_ Embry thought defensively. The girl had thrown herself at Embry and laid one on him. But it’d ended before he had a chance to react. The girl was too busy trying to see how her ex had reacted to her brazen move.

 _Only because she was trying to make Mike Newton jealous,_ Quil volunteered, selling his friend out before Jacob could. It definitely hadn’t counted as a real kiss. 

Though Jacob was one to talk. At least they all knew better than to point fingers at him. Probably it was because Sam’s accusations were still a little too fresh. The wounds he’d inflicted still seeped blood freely. There was a sense of unspoken agreement at his thoughts.

 _Better than nothing,_ Embry thought cockily, turning the attention away from Jake and towards Quil since he was the only one among them that still hadn’t kissed anyone, and who knew when that would change.

 _Everyone in position?_ Jacob asked, redirecting the conversation.

 _Yep, been here for hours already. How’s Alice?_ Seth asked, thoughts revolving around the dark-haired soothsayer. _That’s right -- my pixie,_ he agreed in response to Jacob’s thoughts. Oh geez. The kid was going to be a nightmare after this.

His thoughts were still distinctly smug over not getting razzed more about kissing since he now had her. Although Jacob had to admit it was sort of sweet how wistful Seth was in thinking that maybe he’d only ever kiss her.

But was the uninterrupted view Jacob had been providing really not enough of an answer? The girl hadn’t moved an inch.

 _Worried about you. Don’t be reckless today -- any of you,_ Jacob finally clarified when Seth’s thoughts still pressed him about Alice.

 _Aw, Jake, nice to know you care,_ Embry teased.

 _Anyone talk to the others?_ Jake asked, ignoring the jest. They all knew he cared, even if Sam implied otherwise. 

_No, but I know they’re here too. Sam agreed to Jasper’s plan,_ Quil thought, reassuring Jacob. He’d been worried Sam would back out without him there to enforce it.

 _He’d not dare. The Cullens would make him pay if he did,_ Leah thought, adding, _not to mention what I would do to him._

That meant they were all going to be there. Jacob wondered if Jasper had given Sam a hard time to convince him to let the youngest wolves attend. It wasn’t his favorite idea, but Jazz had the most experience with this sort of thing, an almost encyclopedic knowledge of battle strategies and a laser focus that he could instill in others to carry them out. Plus everything he’d argued was logical.

 _That’s good news,_ Jacob acknowledged to the others, steering them away from his internal musings.

 _Jasper is pretty pissed at Sam. Edward is too,_ Seth confessed. _Hellfire and fury might sum it up better._

 _Jake, you really don’t think someday --_ Embry started, hesitantly suggesting, before breaking off.

At once, they all felt a change in the atmosphere. 

_We can talk about it later,_ Embry conceded.

 _Get back. They have to pass without detecting you,_ Jacob ordered, all playful banter and witty retorts forgotten.

 _Going alpha on us, Jake?_ Seth asked, surprised. After all, Jacob had always sworn he’d never issue commands. Not after the way Sam had abused them for so long with each of them.

 _If I have to,_ Jake muttered, slightly disgusted with himself, but resigned.

 _Alpha orders were meant to be used in battle,_ Leah reminded him.

 _We won’t resist,_ Quil vowed.

 _We’re with you all the way,_ Embry agreed.

Mist seeped into the clearing. With his packs’ various eyes, Jacob watched through the trees as it spread out like a shimmering mirage across the ground before they actually saw any of the Volturi vampires. It oozed forward, a few inches thick and hovering just barely above the blades of grass it passed over. When it reached a decaying log, it rose up to ease over it. Just like Eleazar said, no physical barriers could stop it. The vapor continued easing across the entire length of the clearing, vanishing into the trees, though it didn’t go too far inward. Perfect.

The seven members of the guard entered in a flying V formation with Alec at the head. Demetri and Afton flanked him, a step behind. Chelsea was beside Afton, a step further back, and Nadia was beside Demetri, a step back as well. Felix and Gaius with their large hulking forms were even farther back on either end, the main muscle. They walked in perfect synchrony. A single unit intent on destruction.

 _Go. Flank them, but wait to attack. They have to stop first._ A general directing his troops. That’s what he’d become. Even as he saw Nessie watching him worriedly through his actual eyes. Her hand reached out to touch him, but he sat deliberately out of reach. 

He sensed she and Alice had realized the fight had begun. They were silent though. Unwilling to distract him, and risk anyone they loved or cause him to miss seeing anything important.

Something clicked into place. A piece missing from him before now. The piece fit, but it was too heavy. He wasn’t strong enough mentally for it right now. But it was supposed to be there. Just not yet.

The guards continued their forward momentum, charging on the assembled vampires. It was easy to see through Seth’s eyes as he watched from behind them. They were a hundred feet away from the veggie vamps. With each step, Alec’s gift crept closer. It was less than thirty feet from the assembled group now.

Jacob watched as Sam’s wolves stepped from the trees. Jared and Paul walked deliberately to join the vampires while four more werewolves ringed the edge of the clearing in a semicircle. Waiting. Staying at the treeline, ready to bolt the instant the fighting started -- as they’d been ordered to do. All four of the young wolves were pawing the ground and snarling, teeth bared and fangs glistening with ropes of dangling saliva. 

Brady and Colin were there, still only fifteen, though they’d phased about a year ago and both would be sixteen this next month, their birthdays only a few days apart. 

Then there were the other two. Jax and Nicholas. 

Jax was only thirteen. Eighth grade -- not even in high school yet. A pup. But Nicholas, Nicky to his mom still -- and therefore the pack too, was even worse. He’d turned eleven only yesterday. Truly still a child. It had been Nicky’s phasing that had prompted Sam to pay Jake the visit he had only days ago. 

The one where things that never should have been said were voiced. Immortalized. Forever tainting their relationship. Rendering it asunder. Irreparably damaged. 

He understood why now. Truly he did. He got it as he watched the child rake his oversized claws through the dirt -- his feet far too large for his body still. As he watched the edgy shifting and nervous way his fur stood on end in trembling terror. 

But that didn’t mean Jacob could forget or forgive. 

Abruptly, the Volturi stopped. So uncoordinated compared to their previous grace. Even Alec’s gift halted in response to his shock. 

_Hell, yeah!_ Embry cheered. 

It had worked. The sight of the wolves had unsettled the Volturi enough to stop them in their tracks.

 _Focus,_ Leah ordered before Jacob could reprimand him.

Sam’s hulking black form, the largest of all of his wolves present, remained out of sight. Forced to wait until Alec was fully engaged with Bella. It was imperative that he remain unaffected until the fighting commenced so the pack’s weakness couldn’t be used against Paul and Jared. As angry as Jake was with his former alpha, he wondered if Sam was struggling as much as him right now. It was brutal ordering others to fight while being forced to sit back and watch.

Even as Jacob looked through his pack’s various eyes, he knew he’d sacrifice any and every one of them to protect Nessie. Even little Nicky.

Did that make him a monster?

 _No. I get it,_ Quil assured him. He would, seeing as he was the only other member of his pack that possessed an imprint.

 _We all understand. Mae is special -- yours,_ Embry assured him.

For three seconds, nothing happened. Then Alec’s debilitating mist started up again, progressing once more with the unstoppable force of a train.

 _It’s time,_ Jacob warned, even as Bella began barreling forward, running directly at Alec. 

The child-guard’s eyes widened incredulously when her feet sunk right through the mist, continuing to propel her forward as she sprung off the ground. A hole was punched right through the vapor each place where her foot trod through it to meet the ground. Like stepping through a cloud -- no effect on her whatsoever.

 _ATTACK!_ Jacob ordered. As one, each wolf lunged. 

They raced forward, plunging through the trees, out of their hiding spots and into the clearing. 

The members of the guards’ heads whipped back and forth, looking from Alec to Bella in confusion. Then they were suddenly aware of the wolves coming up behind them.

Leah and Quil came at the guards from either side, behind the wall of paralyzing fog, while Seth and Embry attacked from directly behind.

Even when they’d stopped like hitting a brick wall at the sight of the wolves, they’d maintained their composure. They lost it now. The guard’s perfect formation finally faltered, failing out of the sharp, precise, V it had been as the guards spun, unsure where to look. Probably for the first time ever. Over a millenia of punishing covens, and not one had ever stood a chance of fighting back. Until now.

 _Leah, don’t engage, not yet,_ Jacob advised immediately. She was being tag teamed. Gaius and Nadia had both targeted her, somehow sensing she was the most powerful, the leader, of the attacking wolves. 

_I’ve got this,_ she confirmed. Her tone lacked all of the arrogance and drive to prove herself that it once held. Jacob instantly relaxed, believing her. 

She’d become a leader, not a brash, forsaken girl. She was no longer Sam’s cast-off and unwanted pack member with an axe to grind. It was so obvious now as Leah darted around the invading vampires, using her speed to make them get in each other’s way, toying with them. 

Jacob’s attention switched to Quil, like flicking through tv channels in search of an interesting program. Quil had launched himself at Felix and the two were wrestling across the clearing floor. Snapping jaws, clawing nails, fur and dirt flying -- a blurred jumble as they grappled.

 _Duck left,_ Jacob commanded, sensing Quil had missed the kick aimed at his knee. Quil jumped just in time to avoid the blow.

 _Thanks, man,_ Quil thought, even as he moved to shuffle and lunge at Felix, forcing him closer to the trees, just like Jasper had instructed.

After hearing how Alec’s gift worked, Jazz advised the wolves to push the guards outwards so he and his family could help them sooner. They could meet the threat at the edges while Jasper, Garrett, and Kate, along with Jared and Paul, waited to attack the central figures, freeing Embry and Seth to help Bella. It was a well thought out plan, and it seemed to be working.

Embry, to the right of Bella, snarled at Afton, trying to nip at his feet. The vampire’s red eyes and snow white hair made his look like an albino. 

_Jacob? Are you seeing this?_ Embry called, uncertain. Even as he spoke, Jake noticed what he meant. The vampire seemed to flicker, shimmering in and out of focus. Then all at once, he was gone. Vanished from sight altogether. 

Eleazar hadn’t known Afton from his time with the Volturi, and Edward hadn’t mentioned a gift. Jacob inwardly cursed the limitations in Edward's gift. He remembered when Edward revealed them that night in the tent with Bella. He only knew what a person thought. No one must have thought of Afton’s gift while he’d been in Italy. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

 _It’s okay, I think I can track his scent,_ Embry thought, but even Jacob was having trouble locking it down. There were just too many in the small area, each crossing the others’ paths. All of their noses were burning -- the sickly, sweet scent cold fire in their sensitive nostrils. 

Seth, meanwhile, to Bella’s left, had his teeth clamped on Demetri’s arm, just below the elbow. He was tugging at it, trying to break it off while also avoiding the tracker’s kicking feet. 

_No way am I letting him come after you guys,_ Seth grunted, Demetri’s constant movements preventing him from getting a good enough grip to completely rip the appendage off. He’d settle for keeping him away from Bella until the others could help.

It wouldn’t be long now.

Then Carmen and Eleazar were around the edge of Alec’s paralyzing mist. At once, they herded Gaius away from Leah like a couple of shepherds. 

_Leah, she drops her left shoulder,_ Jacob announced, spotting the mistake for the third time in less than ten seconds. It was subtle, but not needing to fight himself, and enhanced senses made it easier to identify.

Leah, didn’t acknowledge the tip, but attacked Nadia in earnest -- looking for a way to take advantage of what she now saw too. Nadia was compact, solid muscle like a gymnast, with nondescript brown hair and a square jaw. Leah sprung, catching the former Russian’s thick shoulder in her lethal jaws and tearing a chunk of muscle free. 

Then Edward’s arm was cutting between Leah and Nadia’s other fist, knocking her arm upward with the force of the block.

“Mhmm,” Leah whimpered in shock as she realized he’d stopped a bone shattering jab the mousy brunette had aimed at Leah’s throat. She hadn’t even had a chance to drop her ‘dog bone’ when it happened.

 _Well, now,_ Seth thought. Approval clear in his thoughts at the way his friend had protected his sister.

 _Focus,_ Jacob hissed. Just in time for Seth to avoid getting his back leg ripped off. 

_Wow! Thanks, man,_ Seth thought even as Edward spoke to Leah.

“Together?” Edward asked, not glancing at Leah.

 _Ready to trust I’m strong enough?_ she asked, knowing he’d hear with his gift. Edward’s only response was to move to her side, opening her path of attack. The silent show of support and confidence amazed Jacob, but there wasn’t time to marvel just now. 

_Oh, geez! Ow, man._ Seth moaned as Demetri caught his left front leg, the bone snapping cleanly. Seth hopped, his injured paw hovering off the ground so as not to put any weight on it.

 _Seth?_ Jacob called, wishing desperately to be there and have his back. His call was echoed by Leah’s less than a heartbeat later.

 _I’m fine. It’s already healing, just hurts like a mother,_ he thought back. Already he was shaking off the pain and limping less.

 _Boom!_ The sound of Emmett’s body crashing into Felix’s ricocheted through the area, seeming to bounce off the surrounding mountains. Lingering snow icing the tip of one even rumbled as it showered down the peak in a tiny avalanche.

Good. Quil had backup. One less person to worry about.

Absently, Jacob noted that Paul had joined Irina and Tanya to take on Chelsea. Given Paul’s recent revelation, he wanted him to survive nearly more than any other, but Paul was Sam’s to worry over. Jacob had his own pack to monitor. 

Bella’s warning, when it came, was very nearly too late. 

_“Embry, look out!”_ Bella screamed, noticing how close Afton had forced the wolf to the sweetly destructive cloud still enshrouding Alec.

Instantly, Jacob’s attention was on one of his oldest friends, and pack brother.

Alec was grinning the same vicious smirk his sister always wore at having noted their proximity as well. He was just waiting to deal a death blow to the incapacitated wolf.

Afton’s ability to turn invisible was making it exceedingly difficult for Embry to pin him down. He was forced to track something he couldn’t see while attacking and avoiding the unseen vampire’s well aimed blows all at the same time.

The confusion had Embry basically spinning in circles this whole time. A dog chasing its own tail -- literally.

The grey and black wolf skittered back immediately at Bella’s warning, scutting backwards like a crab or little kid afraid of spiders after almost stepping on one.

_Jacob, I lost him! Where --_

“Waahhhhhhmm,” Embry’s thoughts broke off as he whimpered, collapsing. He’d moved right into an invisible kick that caved half of Embry’s side in instantly.

Pain exploded outward, filling the clearing like a nuclear blast. The fallout rained down, dosing Seth, Leah, and Quil. All three howled in shared pain in the same instance. Their legs quivered, buckling under them.

“Jacob?” Nessie cried, panic etched on her face as she watched him. He must have whimpered and alerted her to what just happened.

Jacob felt his pack’s collective pain. A roar bellowed out of him, making Alice quake and Nessie’s eyes go impossibly wide. She tried to run to him, but the pixie fortune teller yanked her back.

His howl was endless, a single note designating the loss of something irreplaceable. _NO!_ Jacob screamed, cutting himself off as well as the others.

Where was Carlisle? He’d promised to be there if something like this happened.

Even as he thought the words, Carlisle reached Embry’s side, immediately kneeling to check him over while Esme stood at his back, warding off any who would think to approach the pair on the ground. 

Embry’s breaths wheezed in and out, only barely making the broken, crushed side of his chest rise beneath the matted, blood-soaked fur. It was the same for Jacob and the other pack members. Each suffering with their fallen brother.

Whimpers and yips sounded from each of them. A symphony of misery. The pack’s greatest strength was their unity. Right now, it was also their greatest weakness.

 _GET UP. NOW! FIGHT!_ Jacob ordered, fighting through the hase of pain to refocus on each members’ surroundings. Nessie’s continued attempts to break free of Alice’s grip to reach him centered him as nothing else could. As he came back to himself, it became easier for the others to.

 _FIGHT!_ Jacob ordered again, feeling the way each members’ limbs jerked like marionettes with puppeteers pulling their strings, urging them to resume fighting. 

Seeing Carlisle through Embry’s eyes reminded him of Bella. Of her struggle and determination to make it through the pregnancy. To live long enough to be turned. She’d only needed to survive long enough. If Embry’s healing… 

_Live. Keep your heart beating,_ Jacob commanded Embry, the impulse taking root in his soul. All the times Bella had said Carlisle could save her, if only she kept her heart beating. Could it be the same now, for Embry?

It had to be. He would not let his friend die here. Not now. Not while Jake was on the other side of the world, so far from watching his back.

Jasper slipped between Seth and Demetri, temporarily blocking Jacob’s view of the vampire through Seth’s eyes. “Go. Help Bella,” Jasper ordered Seth. Jacob saw the wolf moving to help his best girl friend, but his primary focus remained on the injured wolf. 

_Jake, I can’t,_ Embry whined. The pain seemed to double, pressing in on Jacob’s chest until the effort of breathing was nearly impossible, but he resisted giving in. Shoved the encroaching blackness away, refusing to yield to its insistence. He would not let Embry succumb either. 

_LIVE,_ Jacob countered, screaming the command through his head, willing it with his very essence.

 _What on earth…_ Jacob sensed that his oldest friend, Quil, his friend since they were infants sharing a crib while their fathers fished together, was scared of him. Scared of what he was trying to do. It went against the natural order of things. But he had to try. He’d never forgive himself if he didn’t.

From Embry’s perspective, Jacob watched as Carlisle’s hand and the lower part of his arm reached into his body, disappearing beneath the fur, almost like it was reaching across the Equator before disappearing. 

It honestly felt like he was reaching into Jacob’s own chest. Touching his recently decimated organs. 

Blood spilled, but aroma was that of the unappealing wolves’ blood -- liquid, but not food. Even the Volturi turned their noses up at it.

Alec started laughing. A deep, bellowing laugh that portrayed indefinable mirth. He was enjoying the pain he’d helped inflict.

 _Ignore Embry and keep fighting,_ Jacob urged, watching as each pack member shook the pain away to re engage the enemies attacking them.

“AHHH!” Bella roared, shaking spasms roiled through her as she clenched her fists and bared her teeth. She looked like the vampire’s of their legends. The ones whispered about around campfires. Not a single inch of her resembled the girl he’d once believed he loved. 

All at once Jacob felt through Embry as Carlisle’s hand encompassed his heart, pushing the shredded, pulverisized strips back into place. Only the pressure and placement of his hand kept them in place, the occasional squeeze attempting to circulate blood through the torn vessels. The fluid squirted and leaked, filling cavities it had no place being.

 _LIVE,_ he begged, offering his own life to see it done. Determined to overcome the insurmountable damage. The same mystical force that made him a wolf seemed to tear at him, shredding away pieces of his soul to sustain Embry. It was excruciating, but he gnashed his jaws together and bore it, determined to see Embry through this. If they could just hold on long enough.

“No! Reign it in, Bella,” Jasper begged. Absently, Jacob noted that Demetri was between the southern soldier and his mate. Judging by the guard’s calculating joy, he’d done it deliberately. 

“Sam! Nooooo!” Edward screamed suddenly, momentarily abandoning Leah to try and intercept the new wolf bounding into the clearing, appearing out of nowhere. Edward, the fastest of them, wasn’t fast enough.

Sam launched himself at the sadistic child, black fur pressed flat against him by the wind and speed of his attack.

The horse sized beast slammed to the ground, skidding to fall a few feet short of his intended target. Blank, unseeing eyes the size of saucers were visible through Seth’s eyes. 

Sam had argued that as the strongest, he should be the one helping Bella. But after learning that what affected him, affected all of his wolves, it wasn’t worth the risk of accidentally taking out Paul and Jared. But Sam had played right into that trap. Rage over his brother, his true, blood brother, and not just a pack brother, made him behave irrationally.

 _Oh, god, Jake. What are you doing to me?_ Embry wailed. Still, Jacob did not let up. He would not give up on him. Not if there was a chance.

Kate immediately crouched over the suddenly vulnerable Jared, shielding him. Afton would be shocked if he tried to go through her to harm the wolf. Garrett, meanwhile, had his eyes closed, trying to listen for his movements amidst all the others fighting. 

Because everyone still was. Embry’s injury had weakened his pack. Jacob’s pack. And the Volturi had taken advantage to rebound and attack with renewed vigor, and now Sam’s wolves were out altogether. 

Quil seemed to be struggling the most. Luckily, Em and Rose were there to help him handle Felix. The dark enforcer had finally met his match in the largest Cullen -- with a little help from the other two.

 _Jacob,_ Embry thought, his name a plea.

 _Keep fighting! I’m sorry, Embry, but you have to hold on. Give him time to help you. Breathe. Keep your heart beating. LIVE._ Jacob continued to order, feeling the alpha power coursing through him, a deep timber resounding in his words lending them extra power and strength. 

Every breath burned. The cold sting of the surrounding vampires’ scents and the ache of punctured lungs. Only one of Embry’s lungs was still functioning. Oxygen deprivation was making all of the pack’s eyes blurry as each struggled to breathe. Embry’s pain was not his alone, but shared collectively.

“Irina, shake it off. It wasn’t his fault! Don’t do it,” Edward called, while still fighting Nadia. Edward had said she was a master of systema. One of the original creators of the fighting style, she was the newest member of the Volturi guard -- less than a decade with them. Caius himself extended the offer after hearing stories of her legendary skills at fighting, and how she never lost a match. 

Leah played off him beautifully. Shaking off the pain of Embry’s wounds to use the opening Edward gave her as they fought the hard-faced, skilled guard.

The warning had Jacob looking through Leah’s eye’s, as off in the distance, a scene unfolded.

Paul, the other wolf paralyzed by Sam’s recklessness, was in trouble. Tanya continued to fight Chelsea, but Irina was standing off to the side, staring coldly down at the wolf. Possibly the same one that had killed her beloved Laurent. Chelsea’s face was screwed, concentrating on Tanya until the strawberry blond stumbled, backing up with a perplexed expression.

 _No, please. Not Paul._ His sister couldn’t lose him now. Please don’t make Jacob responsible for his niece or nephew never knowing their father. Jacob begged, but no one was free to help. They each had their own fights to worry about.

Irina met Chelsea’s eyes and deliberately turned her back on the senseless wolf, all but giving his head to Chelsea on a silver platter.

“Tanya, stop her!” Carlisle begged, noticing the scene too after Edward’s plea. Jacob watched the terrified doctor through Embry’s eyes now, seeing his genuine upset at this new turn, but he couldn’t move to go help himself. He was the only thing keeping Embry alive. His hand still held the pieces together as they struggled to heal and mend.

“They’re our friends, Tanya. They’re here helping us today. Think of Leah -- he’s as good as her brother. Don’t let him die. Don’t put her through that,” Edward coaxed, even as he returned a jab at Nadia, and dodged her return volley of hits.

Conflict and uncertainty warred across Tanya’s face, making her lapse into a stupor as Chelsea stalked closer, only three feet separating them.

 _Jacob, please! Let me go,_ Embry begged, his mental voice so much weaker now. But it was still there. 

_No! I can’t. You have to LIVE._ Jacob just had to hold onto him for a little longer.

A click of a lighter cut through the din of crunching rock and panting breaths, quick from exertion. Accompanying it was the smell of butane igniting. Time seemed to freeze as Chelsea carelessly tossed the open flame at Tanya.

But Tanya was propelled sideway, and it was Irina’s arm that was hit instead. The appendage caught fire at once, the blaze spreading to consume every inch almost instantly, like spontaneous combustion. Irina’s body was a human torch. She didn’t even have time to scream before it was too late. 

“AHHHHHH!” Tanya cried in disbelief, springing at Chelsea to rip and claw her to pieces. Rage making her crazed as she janked the woman’s dark braids.

“NOOOOOO!” Kate echoed, abandoning Jared and Garrett to join her sister in the fight. She lept the distance separating them and grabbed the exposed coffee and cream skin of Chelsea’s arm, unleashing the full magnitude of her gift.

“Katie, wait,” Garrett pleaded, but she didn’t stop, and he wouldn’t leave Jared when the wolf was defenseless. 

_Seth, now. Distract him. We need Sam awake so Paul and Jared can fight,_ Jacob thought ruthlessly taking advantage of the opening the events had provided.

Bella’s instant rage was gone as fast as it came when she saw what Seth was doing. Seth distracted the male witch twin, digging in the dirt so it went flying in Alec’s face like a real dog while Bella pulled Sam free of the numbing mist, having realized it was their only shot to turn things back in their favor.

Chelsea shook like she was in an electric chair experiencing her death sentence. Right then she was. But Kate was not letting up anytime soon. This moment would last as long as she could possibly make it.

Jacob’s hold on Embry was weakening. He’d been distracted too long, and the wolf was fading.

 _LIVE,_ Jacob ordered, once more pulling him back from the brink. Embry didn’t protest this time. Too weak or was it finally working? Esme had knelt and was cradling the massive wolf’s head in her lap, gently stroking his matted grey fur. 

Jacob could still feel Carlisle’s hand, squeezing Embry’s -- his, their -- hearts to keep the blood moving through his body. But each squeeze seemed to rip apart the freshly woven tissue. It was too fragile. Their accelerated healing wasn’t happening fast enough. But if he didn’t help circulate the blood, he’d be lost to them too. A catch-22.

Was there even any blood left to circulate? So much as leaked and spilt. It felt like his vessels were sandpaper scraping the abused tissue raw.

Meanwhile, Jasper was destroying Demetri. The fight was intense. Jasper was revealing a lethal side he hadn’t in training. He was like an avenging angel delivering heaven’s wrath. It made Jacob internally smile to see it. His imprint and Alice were safe.

Seth was still helping Emmett, Rose, and Bella with the witch twin. Alec was no match for the four, particularly now that Bella had some training and backup. He looked to already be missing an arm. 

Quil and Paul each had one of Gaius’s arms while Eleazar had his feet and Carmen was perched on the dark, barrel-chested former gladiator’s back. Her arms were locked around his neck, breaking through his thickly corded neck. This was one arena he would not be victorious in.

Leah was tearing into Nadia with a vengeance. The fighter was missing pieces everywhere, her body resembling swiss cheese. But she hadn’t given up yet.

“Jacob,” Nessie whispered, voice shattered, noticing a change even before Jacob detected it.

 _No, please. Jake, just let me go. I love you, but you’ve got to let me die. Please. Just let me die. I beg of you, let me go. I want to die._ The plea was so heartbreakingly sincere, Jacob knew Embry meant it. He did not want to try anymore. He simply didn’t have the strength. The damage was too severe. _You have to let me go now. Please, Jake. It’s time._

Jacob’s true eyes sought out his imprint, still sitting nearby and watching him closely, visibly sharing his pain. The sight of her gave him the strength to do what he knew he must.

 _It’s okay. I love you too, brother. Goodbye,_ Jacob thought, releasing his hold on his packmate. The only tie grounding Embry in this world.

The tie broke, not a slow unraveling, but quick and clean. The instant Jacob let up, Embry’s essence vanished, disappearing from their minds and leaving a blank, empty nothing in his place. An endless, chilling void.

At the very same moment, Jacob sensed Leah’s distress -- not loss, but fear. And he scented the smell of fresh blood through her nose.

_Seth! Jared’s in trouble._

_Bella --_

_Has Emmett and Rosalie. GO!_ But Seth was already running, physically following his alpha’s command before he’d consciously agreed.

The overwhelming pain of Embry’s death threatened to bowl them all over, but Jacob forced Seth onward, using him as a battering ram when he somehow managed to intercept Afton. The invisible guard flew backwards when Seth hit him, stopping him from taking a second, possibly more deadly, swipe at Jared. Already the wolf’s leg was a mangled mess of tissue, fur, and blood. A missing piece of flesh that had been torn clean away lay on the ground several feet away.

Then Edward and Jasper were there, everyone else falling back to let the gifted brothers face Afton uninterrupted.

 _I can’t, Jake. I’m done,_ Quil thought a second later. He was no longer needed to fight, and all he wanted was to go to his fallen brother.

 _It’s fine._ The instant Jacob issued the okay, Quil phased, disappearing from the collective mind and the encroaching pain dragging Leah, Seth, and himself under. 

Embry was really and truly dead. He’d had to beg Jacob to let him die. Jacob had abused his power today -- just like Sam. He wasn’t fit to lead, after all. More harm than good had probably been done this day. In the end, he’d only prolonged Embry’s suffering. It was a truth he was going to have to live with for the rest of his life.

A cyclone of razor blades and broken glass whipped through him, decimating his insides. The lingering feel of Embry’s shredded, mutilated heart and organs superimposed themselves in Jake allowing him to truly experience what that felt like. The sickening scent of burning vampires and bits of blowing ash from their remains clogged his nose.

Memories of Embry being scared of Sam, of not wanting to be a wolf crowded in, clamoring loudly in his mind. Seth and Leah’s too. Leah was probably the only one to hate being a wolf more than Embry had. With Jacob not far behind either of them. 

It had destroyed Embry’s relationship with his mom. Sam had forbidden him from telling her the truth. By the time Embry joined Jacob’s pack, the damage to their relationship from all the lying was too much. Embry hadn’t seen a point in telling her by then. Not when she’d had enough, and had already firmly decided that he was a lost cause and nothing more than a disappointment.

Grief consumed them. Seth, Leah, and Jake. 

Yet all the while, Jacob continued monitoring the progress of Edward and Jasper as they destroyed the final vampire. Though he only spared enough attention to the fight to ensure that no one else was lost this day.

Absently, he watched as Edward and Jasper teamed up to deliver the death blow to Afton. He expected to feel resentful that he wasn’t the one delivering it. But there was nothing. He was empty.

 _I’ll be home this time tomorrow,_ Jacob thought. He needed to relay the news to Nessie and Alice. He couldn’t leave them in the dark about what had happened here longer than necessary.

 _I’m not staying. Kate and Tanya are a mess. They gave me a home this last year. I want to be there for them. And I don’t want to be here when Edward leaves,_ Leah warned. 

The words barely registered, the devastation too great for comprehension.

Seth asked for him, _When he leaves? Why would Edward be leaving?_

 _He’s returning Alec to the Volturi. And making a deal with them. His help for their promise of never retaliating against us or the Cullens, or coming after Mae,_ Leah explained. Apparently she and Edward had already discussed what came next for them. And it wasn’t riding off into the next twilight.

Edward was sacrificing himself for his daughter. If the Volturi were never coming for her, she’d be safe. No one else wanted to harm her. She didn’t need a protector anymore. She was truly immortal. She didn’t need him.

He wouldn’t have to stay and look at her -- each time remembering Sam’s words and her eyes as he released his hold on Embry. The latter association had been unconsciously made, but now it was branded into his very soul.

 _I’m sorry, Leah,_ Jacob offered. There wasn’t anything more. He had nothing else to give, other than his blessing to leave immediately. He didn’t blame her for that in the least. He just might do the same.

 _It’s not like we were together,_ Leah thought dismissively, but disappointment colored her thoughts in addition to the pain of loss. _You should go -- tell Mae and Alice it’s over._

He hesitated. The pain was worse when he wasn’t wolf. Animals didn’t feel as deeply as humans did. He’d been avoiding facing the full brunt of his loss by having that brief conversation -- one that could have happened over the phone.

Taking a deep breath, he embraced the inevitable.

It was even worse than he expected.

~

May

“I can’t stay here anymore,” Jacob whispered the minute he walked inside after Embry’s wolf was buried and the service ended. 

He’d explained everything to Embry’s mother. Finally including her in the secret. Afterwards, she’d told him never to speak to her again. She’d been horrified, and hadn’t taken well to the last sight of her son. Especially not when her son was in the form of the broken remains of a wolf. Never again would she have the chance to see the boy she’d raised. The one she’d very nearly turned her back on these last two years.

“I know, son,” Billy said, unsurprised. Probably he was just grateful Jacob at least had the decency to say goodbye first this time.

“This isn’t like before,” he said. He wasn’t leaving to be dramatic over a broken heart. God, he’d been so foolish. There were worse things than being constantly rejected by your crush. Infinitely worse.

“It’s a great program. You have a chance to make something of yourself,” Billy acknowledged. His father’s level of understanding made Jacob want to cry tears of relief.

“I called my roommate from UW while you were gone. She moved down there a while ago and there’s a job waiting if you want it -- mechanic position at a local shop. I mentioned your rabbit and the bikes,” Rachel said, having appeared in the hallway while he was talking to Billy. Her hand covered her lower abdomen and she stared at him pityingly. “I can see if they’ll let you go ahead and start right away.”

If Paul had died…

All the more reason he had to go. Sam called it. This was his doing. They’d all be better off without him around mucking things up.

“Thanks,” he muttered, shifting uncomfortably. 

“Will you go see him settled?” Billy asked Rachel, knowing she had connections, and with his limited mobility, he wouldn’t be much help.

“We both will,” Paul said coming out of the bedroom. Great. Paul planned to help him move. Just what he needed.

Paul nodded to the front door, silently indicating that he wished to speak with Jacob privately. Jacob sighed, but followed the former hothead outside, ready to get this conversation over with as fast as possible.

“I didn’t know what Sam said to you -- not until after I’d --”

“It’s fine, Paul. Trust me. I get it,” Jacob said dismissively, waving the apology away. He’d never really been mad at Paul. Paul was always mouthing off. And he had an imprint too -- a baby as well now -- of course he’d been worried that day. 

“He’s not right -- about any of it. And I’ve seen you. You with her. Don’t take what he said to heart and do something stupid,” Paul advised, sounding surprisingly sincere and wise.

“She wants me to go,” Jacob confessed. She’d said as much on the plane ride home.

“You really think you can?” Paul asked doubtfully. His wrinkled brow and down-curled lips said he didn’t think Jacob would have much luck trying to stay away. 

Paul may understand the pull of the imprinting, but his relationship with Rachel was vastly different from the one Jacob had with Nessie. Rachel loved and needed Paul. Nessie… didn’t. In any way.

“I think this situation has been messed up for a long time now. I’ve been selfish. And my best friend is dead because of it,” Jacob said, verbalizing a painful truth.

“No one blames you. He’d have fought regardless,” Paul countered.

“I’d have thought you’d be right with Sam. Ready to crucify me,” Jake admitted, shocked at the direction this conversation had taken.

“Becoming a parent clarifies things. Simplifies them too. Family is what’s most important. No matter what that family looks like. I definitely understand Bella more,” Paul said dryly.

“You think I’ve got a shot of making a go of things away from here?”

“If anyone can, it’ll be you,” Paul said, displaying more faith in Jacob than he had in himself. “Just don’t forget us. Remember what I said. Family is the most important thing in the world.”

If this was a preview of the new and improved version of Paul, Jacob might not mind welcoming him into the family and calling him brother.

~

May

They’d just stopped for gas in Oregon. Apparently you weren’t allowed to pump it yourself here. So he was just sitting there waiting for the guy to finish. The minute they’d crossed the state line and moved out of Washington, he felt the freedom Nessie had described take hold. Possibilities. He’d been where Bella had once been when they first became friends, waiting, stuck. Now he could move forward, and he was so grateful.

The price slowly ticked up on the gas gauge as he waited, the tank of his rabbit taking forever to fill. The little white box in his cup holder seemed to glare at him accusingly. Only a corner of the narrow, square cardboard actually fit in the round hole, and it had been rattling loudly since he’d pulled out of his dad’s driveway. The louder it got, the more it demanded he open it. He’d not been able to bring himself to do it before now -- not with the suffocating weight of the past dragging him down. Jasper had discretely handed the box to him when he’d brought Nessie around for Jacob to say goodbye to. 

Giving in, he opened the box no bigger than his hand. Nestled inside was a round tarnished gold object, very similar to the locket Nessie had gotten for Christmas. He picked it up. It fit perfectly in the palm of his hand and looked both old and well loved. There were two latches; it opened from either side. 

Unclasping one side revealed it to be a pocket watch. Likely the kind Jazz had had when he was human back in the eighteen hundreds. Idly, he wondered if Bella knew Jasper had given this to Jacob. He closed that side, and popped the other catch open. It was a compass. A note on a little scrap of folded paper had been placed inside. Jake carefully opened it, and read the message. 

_She’s not going anywhere. Time is on your side. May this guide you home when you’re ready._

Approval for the decision to leave. That was the sense that Jacob got from the message. Jazz didn’t blame Jacob for taking off and leaving his daughter behind. It was even a blessing assuring him he’d be welcome home when he was ready. If that day ever came.


	3. 3: Lonely - Mae

Author’s Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think! 

This chapter is kind of uneventful, but I was trying to make my writing reflect how she feels about life at this point. It’s just mhew. Endless days passing without anything to look forward to. It’s also a reflection of her young age. Hopefully you’ll like it anyways.

This chapter has two theme songs - _Cut_ by Plumb and _Turn to Stone_ by Ingrid Michaelson.

PS I’m not Stephenie Meyer, so I don’t own anything :(

~

Ch 3: Lonely - Mae

Year 2 - 2007-2008

June

Bella and Jasper told her they were moving in June, not long after her life had been turned inside out. So what was one more change when added to the others?

It wasn’t like moving meant leaving Grandpa Charlie, Sue, Billy, Quil, and the only home she’d ever known. It wasn’t like she hadn’t just lost her best, not to mention only, friend and her dad, all in the span of a couple days.

“All right. Do I need to help pack?” she asked, hiding her true feelings, though Jasper no doubt detected them. Her dad’s gift was a blessing and a curse. 

He hesitated. Yep, he’d definitely picked up on her conflicting emotions. He debated calling her on them, but in the end, didn’t. She appreciated it. There was nothing for it anyways. And after everything they’d gone through for her, trying to find answers, taking on the Volturi, she didn’t want to upset them when there was no solution. They needed to do this, so she would go along with it for their sake.

“I think Esme is bringing boxes over tomorrow. You can help me,” Bella said, smiling and running her fingers through Mae’s curls. The smile didn’t reach her mother’s eyes.

Bella was sad to be leaving Forks too. This place would always be important to both of them. Mae was even more grateful Jazz hadn’t called her on her reluctance to move. Bella didn’t need to feel guilty or as if she wasn’t doing right by her daughter. This was just the life they lived. The way things had to be because of what they were. Better that she start getting used to it now. 

The phone rang. Happiness filled her when she saw the screen, completely replacing the morose feelings of doom and gloom. 

“Guess that’s our cue,” Bella said, chuckling at her daughter and following her mate out of the room.

“Hi, Jake,” Mae greeted, trying to sound nonchalant, and not like she’d been waiting for this call all day. The same way she did everyday.

Everyone in her family was ridiculously happy. It was hard to be around them for long periods of time without feeling lonely and a smidge resentful. Without Jake, she couldn’t visit the rez anymore, so the only people she saw were her family or Charlie and Sue at their tri-weekly dinners. The same ones where she was forced to choke down human food since Grandpa Charlie insisted she was too skinny and needed to eat more with the way she was growing. 

There’d been a time, not too long ago even, where she’d practically begged to return to her family. A time when her greatest wish was to be constantly surrounded by the other Cullens. Back when she’d been endlessly traveling in Central America. But it had seemed different then. More fun. Now…

It was like she was standing outside, watching their happiness through a window, the door barred, forbidding her entry. Not really a part of it. An observer only. Not a participant herself.

“How’s it going?” Jacob asked, a little more animated than he’d sounded lately. Guess he was hitting it off with his new roommate. She’d been surprised he’d want one, but he seemed to be helping Jacob more than she could have hoped for.

“We’re moving,” she announced flatly.

“Where to this time?” A touch of curiosity. Maybe today they’d have a real conversation. Not just idle small talk where they were both aware that the other was in pain, but neither were capable of discussing the source. It was still too soon, the wounds too fresh to pick at the scabs without inflicting more damage. The type that permanently disfigured.

“Alaska. They want to be close to the Denalis since… “

“Irina. Yeah, makes sense,” Jacob supplied, suddenly distant. He shut down whenever that day was brought up. “Look, Nessie, my break is almost over. I need to get back to it.”

“Jacob, wait. I didn’t mean to bring up --”

“I really have to go. I’ll call tomorrow,” he interrupted.

“Bye,” she said to the dial tone droning a continuous, flat hum. He’d hung up before she’d even had the chance to speak.

Mae held the phone, thinking of all the ways it could have gone differently. She didn’t regret sending him away. She refused to hold him back or prevent him from healing. And right now, she wasn’t what he needed. She couldn’t be selfish with Jake and insist he provide something that would negatively impact him -- no matter how much she longed for him to come home.

Jacob belonged with them. They were his home. Jazz had promised he’d figure it out someday, but warned her it would take time, and she’d have to be patient in the meantime. Being patient sucked. It was boring. Not to mention lonely.

The phone rang again. Her breath caught. He was calling back -- maybe he --

But no. It wasn’t him. It was Edward. Again. Like Jacob, he called her every day.

The desire to snarl startled her, but all she did was press decline. Same as she did each time he called. She didn’t need him. She had Jasper. He, at least, wanted her.

Another phone rang in the other room. Bella’s. Looked like Edward was trying to go around her to force a conversation she wasn’t ready to have happen.

Curiosity still prodded her to listen at the door. Cracking it, she had no problem eavesdropping on at least Bella’s part of the conversation. Sometimes she wished she had vampire hearing. Hers was nowhere near as good as her family’s, so she couldn’t hear what Edward said on the other end.

Jazz no doubt sensed what she was about, but he didn’t give her away. Her papa was her partner in crime. Loyal to her before Edward. Was it any wonder that Rose accused her of being a daddy’s girl?

“We just told her we’re moving. Jasper said she’s upset about it,” Bella revealed. Traitors -- the both of them.

“She’s not really talking to me either. I was the same at her age, but I’m starting to feel bad for my parents if I made it this hard on them,” Bella murmured. Mae heard Jasper pulling Bella into his embrace.

It wasn’t as if she intentionally shut them out. There just wasn’t anything they could say or do to make things better. Why would she whine and carry on when that solved nothing, and only served to make them feel terrible?

Bella laughed at whatever Edward said in response to her complaint. The sound tinkled beautifully, free and filled with genuine delight. It was strange to think that her mom and dad were bonding and becoming friends because of her silence. Perhaps something good could come out of all of this.

“Yes, well, you deserve to be lost for once,” Bella teased merrily. “The family all agrees that you had it coming.”

Jazz’s laugh joined her momma’s, the sounds intermingling, every bit as entwined together as they physically were. The laughter faded out, but her parents didn’t speak, likely listening to Edward.

“Kate’s already promised to start helping me with my shield as soon as we get there,” Bella said a minute later. 

Another long pause.

“I’ll tell her. Take care of yourself. Bye, Edward,” Bella promised, disconnecting the call.

~

July

Sue and Charlie had shown up first thing that morning claiming that Billy had asked for her. It was the most exciting thing she’d heard in weeks. 

Bella and Jasper had sent her off with her grandfather, so she could spend the day with Jacob’s father. She’d missed him terribly these last weeks, months really.

The first thing she saw when she entered the small red house was the keyboard. It was nothing fancy, not like the grand piano at her grandparent’s house, just a standard plastic keyboard propped on a black metal stand. It was sitting in front of the couch just waiting to be played. There was barely room for it in the cramped space, but Billy had obviously had it arranged solely for her benefit. 

Mae’s fingers itched to touch it.

“Go on,” Billy encouraged, giving her permission to give in to the call of the instrument. 

“Where did you get this?” she breathed, running a hand lightly over it before depressing a single key and listening as the note filled the room, lingering in the temporary silence.

“Rachel scrounged it up from the school. New ones were just donated, and the teachers were allowed to buy the old ones at a good price. She got it for you. I hoped you would play for me whenever you visited. Maybe come teach my grandchild when he or she is old enough,” Billy explained.

“You want me to keep visiting?” Mae asked cautiously. She’d been afraid he wouldn’t. Without Jacob, why would he want her?

“Of course. I don’t love you because of my son. I love you for you,” Billy vowed, making tears unexpectedly well up in her eyes. 

Without pausing, she launched herself at him, hugging him fiercely, and pressing her palm to his cheek to show him what it meant to her to hear that. 

“Hmph,” he grunted, and she instantly let up, worried she’d break him with her extra strength.

Once her emotions were a little more under control, she went and began playing for him. All of the last weeks funneled through her hands and into the music. The same as her gift was channeled through her hands when she wished to share her thoughts. Her fingers danced over the keys, creating a reflection of herself to fill the room. 

It was the first time she’d played since before her impromptu trip to Chile. For all the grandeur of the piano that her grandparents’ possessed, she hadn’t been able to bring herself to touch it. Too many memories now after the way she and Edward had played it together in the days leading up to her departure. It was how they’d connected and gotten to know one another. 

Before he broke his promise.

Before he left her.

Before they vanished, leaving her all alone.

“You’ve got a lot bottled up there, Mae,” Billy said when she finished. He was watching her sadly. Had the music really revealed so much? She hadn’t meant it to. It’d just sort of happened. Like the emotions had been ready to burst free and just been waiting for the opportunity. “Be sure you’re looking out for yourself too, not just everyone else, yeah?”

Did he think her a martyr, or just overly compassionate?

“I will,” Mae promised.

“You’ll come back again before you leave?” He looked like he wanted to say more, but he didn’t.

“As often as I can. And I’ll visit once I’m gone.”

“I’ll look forward to it.”

~

August

“How were classes?”

Jacob started classes this week. He still called every day. Like clockwork. Each day he sounded more like Jacob. The perpetually happy friend she remembered. California had been good for him. He was slowly coming back to life.

“Good. Easier than I expected. Guess it helps having fewer distractions,” he said, a little disbelievingly.

Distractions. Like her. And all the problems that came with. She wondered if he even realized what he’d just implied.

“Or you’re just naturally smart,” she suggested lightly, letting his comment go. She’d become overly sensitive in the last few months. Time to stop taking everything so personally.

“That’s definitely a possibility. Plus I’m only taking classes I actually want to take, so I, you know, listen and pay attention,” he joked.

“You like them then? Which is your favorite?”

He told her about the pros and cons of each class, explaining how different it was from high school -- not that he’d tried much then -- talking easily and laughing freely as he filled her in. At one point he stopped to talk to his roommate.

Party at Kappa Kappa Gamma tomorrow night. I scored us an invite. You in? Mae heard Aiden ask in the background.

“Can’t. I have to work all day, so I can’t call Ness until then,” Jacob said, disappointment clear. But he’d picked talking to her over going out. A little bubble of excitement expanded in her chest.

Lame, dude. A thud sounded, like someone had just gotten hit, and judging from the ‘Oof!’, it had been Aiden. She doubted his roommate was strong enough for Jacob to even notice if he tried to hit the wolf.

“How is Aiden?” Mae asked, curious about the guy Jacob was spending so much time with. He’d told her about him a few times over the summer, enough that Mae felt like she was starting to know him herself.

“Good. He’s easy to get along with. And he’s been here a year longer than me, so he’s been introducing me around now that everyone is back from summer break,” Jacob said.

“That’s good. You work tonight?”

“Nope,” he said happily, drawing out the p sound and letting it end with a pop! “We’re heading to the beach to go surfing in a bit.”

“Don’t let me keep you,” Mae said, laughing at his enthusiasm. They’d already been on the phone over an hour. 

His new interest in surfing amused Mae. He’d grown up on the ocean, his house literally a three minute walk from the beach, and with his body temperature, the cold water wasn’t actually a deterrent, but it wasn’t until he moved to La Jolla that he’d taken up the sport.

“Thanks. Bye, Nessie,” Jacob said easily.

After she hung up, Mae joined Bella in the living room. Her momma was curled up on the sofa reading a book. Not an unusual occurrence, except this time it was a textbook instead of one of the numerous worn paperbacks that lined the many, many shelves of their new home. Several entire walls from floor to ceiling had been converted to bookcases to display and house her parents’ vast collection. 

Mae had almost forgotten Bella had started classes this week too. There was a distinct difference in how Bella was treating college, and how Jake had described his. Bella left for class and returned directly after. It took up maybe three hours of her day. Total. Jacob made it sound like there was constantly something happening on campus, and he wanted to be part of all of it. Unless he had to work. Then he was bummed about missing out.

“You were on the phone a while. How is he?” Bella asked, wrapping an arm around Mae and letting her snuggle against her momma’s cool, hard side.

“Sounds like he’s having fun and getting out more than he was over the summer,” she summarized.

“That’s a relief. It’s not good for him to stay cooped up and dwell on what happened. He needs to get out and start living again. Trust me,” Bella said, emphasizing the last part. 

It reminded Mae that Bella had lived before she came along, and that there was so much about her life and history that Mae wasn’t privy to. But Bella was always vague when asked, claiming she couldn’t really remember her human life, and nothing important had happened to her until Mae and Jazz came into the picture. What a copout. Amazing how she’d conveniently forget when asked, but she could remember enough to insert comments in a casual conversation.

Was that what Jake was doing though? Dwelling. Was he as stuck as she felt? Aimlessly letting the days pass without having any real purpose?

“Yeah… “ Mae said, getting up. “Be back in a minute,” she murmured, heading back into her room for at least the illusion of privacy. 

As if Bella hadn’t heard every word they’d exchanged herself, and had only been asking because she enjoyed making conversation with her daughter. Or because she was trying to gently steer her into doing this very thing.

“Jake?” she said when he answered on the first ring.

“You do know it’s only been ten minutes since we spoke, right?”

Actually twelve, but who’s counting?

“You don’t need to call me everyday. You should go to that party tomorrow after work instead,” Mae insisted.

“You sure?” he sounded surprised, and confused. It wasn’t often that Mae caught him off guard. They were usually too much on the same page for it to happen.

“Don’t let your obligations to me hold you back,” she said, determined.

“If you’re sure,” he said slowly, testing the idea out.

“It’s not like I’m not busy here too,” she said, lying through her teeth. When had that become okay? When had lying become the norm for them? Yet she found herself doing it more and more as she expanded on the joys of living in Alaska. 

Mae hated Alaska. Hated everything about the state. Probably just because it meant leaving the life she loved, but she’d grown to irrationally hate the state -- despite its beauty and amusements.

“You really are the greatest, Nessie,” Jake said, and she pictured him shaking his head in disbelief.

“Have fun, Jake,” Mae intoned with false brightness, hanging up before she changed her mind.

It was over a week before he called again. Guess he’d take her words about not needing to call daily literally.

~

September

“Happy birthday, Ness,” Jake said happily. It wasn’t even seven in the morning yet. He must have gotten up early to call her before his day got started. It’d been ages since they last talked, and the idea made her truly happy.

“Thanks! Momma got us tickets to go visit Forks. We’re going for fall break next month. You’re break is the same week, right?” Mae asked, a plan already forming in her head about how the visit would go. She’d checked on the school websites to make sure the dates coincided.

By then, it’ll have been five months since she last saw Jake.

“Uh, I think so,” he said hesitantly. He must not know when it was off the top of his head like she did. Must be nice to have more pressing distractions.

“Will you come home too?” she requested. Surely he was missing Billy as much as she was. Charlie and Sue too. “We can have a late celebration, hang out on the beach, go swimming -- you can teach me to surf and show off your mad skills” she suggested, wanting to recreate a day like the ones they used to have.

“Mad skills? You’ve been spending too much time with Emmett,” he joked. “You sound just like the big lug.”

“But you’ll come?” she pressed.

“Sure, sure. I’ll try to,” he agreed, chuckling at her eagerness.

Finally, something to look forward to!

~

October

“Looks like I’m not going to be able to make it. I have a chance to pick up a couple extra shifts this week. I could really use the money to get that wheelchair lift for Paul’s new SUV,” Jake said. He sounded strange. Not precisely like he was lying, but he was definitely hiding something. Was it the money thing? He knew her family had plenty. They were always willing to help out. Especially for Billy. Mae loved him too.

“Jake, we could --”

“I already told them I’d work,” he said sharply.

“Of course. You should stay,” Mae said, cut by his harshness. He didn’t want to see her. He didn’t miss her the way she missed him. Of course not. She was a reminder of the past. Of his losses.

“Thanks for understanding,” he said flatly. The hollowness of the summer invading him again.

“How is work?”

“This guy came in the other day with his brake pads completely gone. I have no idea what he was doing to get them like that,” he said, trying for normal.

He failed, and the conversation wrapped up shortly after. He didn’t want to visit her. What else was there to say really?

~ 

November

Even as things slowly withered between her and Jacob, Edward persistently called. Like a dog with a bone, he was determined to get her to talk to him. She figured he’d give up before too much longer if she continued refusing to take his calls. 

He was good at giving up.

And she didn’t dare hope this time would be different.

She couldn’t take it if he decided she wasn’t worth it at some later point.

~

November

_Is this how this works?_

The chime for a text notification was still sounding as she read the screen.

A second later another message appeared, lighting up the screen of her new cellphone -- a gift from her Uncle Emmett after he broke her other one playing his newly modified version of football.

_Did you see it, Renesmee?_

She didn’t recognize the number. The only people she knew were family, and she’d recognize all of their numbers.

 _Who is this?_ she finally typed, hesitating only a moment before sending the message.

 _Nahuel._ The response was near instantaneous.

Mae gasped, shocked. She’d told him how cellphones worked, and how to get in touch with her. Months ago. It had been months, and when she didn’t hear from him, she’d stopped hoping to.

Quickly, she replied, _You got a cellphone?_

_How else was I supposed to talk to you again?_

She squealed, unable to help herself. The fact he’d thought of her and wanted to continue their friendship was a balm to her wounded soul.

_How indeed?_

He didn’t say anything, so she tried, _I’m in Alaska now. Did you know they have icebergs here too?_

_Are they as beautiful as the ones we saw together?_

_No._

They weren’t. They were magical and marvelous in Chile. Here they seemed cold. Distant. Lonely. With too many secrets hidden just beneath the surface. They were a metaphor for her, and it hit a little too close to home.

_I’m always here if you’d like to talk._

And just like that, she was confessing everything about the Volturi, moving, and her dad taking off again. And he was telling her more about his own family and how difficult those first few years were when he was changing so quickly and he only had his aunt. An aunt that both loved and hated him. How she’d taught him to hate himself for the role he played in killing his mother.

Nahuel was damaged. She wanted to help fix him if she were able. 

She could tell he hadn’t had many friends either. It was nice being able to help him sort through his past with an objective eye. He appreciated her point of view and fresh perspective.

~

December

The day had finally arrived. Charlie and Sue were getting married. Days before Christmas. They’d let Alice plan it, giving her an excuse to monopolize Seth’s time and visit more frequently these last couple months. It also gave her a creative outlet to use her talents.

Bella had mumbled a couple times about how surprised she was that Alice hadn’t gone overboard. The whole thing was relatively sedate. Classy. Elegant. Suitable for an older couple each embarking on a second marriage later in life.

They’d foregone bridesmaids and groomsmen. Mae suspected it was because Sue had had enough trouble talking Leah into wearing a dress, let alone standing up front with her.

Mae spent the first half of the ceremony craning her neck to catch a glimpse of Jacob. She knew he was there. His familiar scent of pine and butterscotch had wafted towards her moments before the ceremony started. His late arrival meant there wasn’t time to go talk to him beforehand. Eventually, Bella had clamped her arm around Mae’s shoulders and given her a chilling look to keep her in place and get her to stop disrupting the ceremony.

Her cheeks had flamed in mortification when she realized a number of people were paying more attention to her fidgeting actions than they were to Sue and Charlie exchanging wedding vows.

Then as soon as the wedding was over, she’d been ushered down the street and behind the lodge where Alice had set up an extravagant stage for wedding photos. So this was where all of her excess had been channeled into. 

Pictures seemed to take forever. Somehow Bella managed to sneak out after only a few minutes, but Alice had prevented Mae from following, even after she’d used her gift to show Alice she’d come right back, and held her hostage until they were completely finished. Impatient was a generous way to describe her desire to get back inside to the reception. 

“Fine, go. Say hi then come right back,” Alice finally relented when Mae flat out refused to smile for another picture until she’d had a chance to catch up with Jacob. “I’ll send Seth after you if you don’t return in ten minutes,” she threatened, baring her teeth ferociously to give weight to her words. She looked like a demented fairy princess.

“Sure, sure,” Mae said waving her off and hurrying back inside.

Quickly, she searched those assembled. Finally, she saw him standing with Bella. Abruptly, he shook his head and turned, heading out the doors. He was leaving? Already? But --

“If it matters, I don’t think he even saw you,” Leah said, offering her a twisted frown. It wasn’t pitying, more sympathetic.

“I’m invisible. Great,” Mae muttered.

“Renesmee, don’t act your age. He didn’t leave to hurt you,” Leah scolded, the former kindness evaporating as quickly as it’d come.

“You’re right. But it hurts all the same,” Mae acknowledged, regretting the dramatic comment she’d made. 

Once again, she’d been overly sensitive like the other times she’d behaved similarly these past few months. Grandpa Carlisle assured her it was normal, her body was flooded with hormones as she was continuing to mature, but she hated when it made her lash out impulsively and act like a bratty child. 

“Think you can fake a smile? Charlie’s headed this way, and today is pretty important for him.”

The fact that Leah was treating her like an equal, not condescending like she was a little kid was enough for Mae to take the request to heart. Besides, she loved her grandfather and didn’t want to ruin today for him.

“Convincing?” she asked.

“Better than Bella’s ever was,” Leah remarked dryly.

Why had her mother had to fake being happy? 

The question was forgotten the moment Charlie hugged her, telling her how much he loved her and how glad he was to have her there.

The rest of the reception actually was pretty fun. Though Alice had made good on her treat to send Seth after her when she didn’t return for more pictures. Jasper had danced with her several times, always spinning and flipping her around until she giggled merrily. Grandpa Charlie, Grandpa Carlisle, Uncle Emmett, Seth, and even Quil had danced with her too. 

At one point, Billy talked her into playing a few songs on the piano. And before the night was over, she gave him a recording of her playing that her Auntie Rose helped her make so he could hear her when she wasn’t around.

The reception was still in full swing when her purse vibrated, the cellphone within ringing. Instinct told her it was Jacob, and she was pleased to be correct when she pulled it out to look.

“I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk,” he said immediately. “I didn’t even see you today.”

“It’s fine, Jacob. I’m sure being back was difficult. Papa told me, and I saw Embry’s mom there. Have you talked to her at all since the funeral?”

Leah’s rebuke from earlier had her determined not to make him feel guilty about how tonight had played out.

“No. I tried a couple times, but now that she knows everything, she doesn’t want anything to do with us. It was pretty shocking that she even came today. Sam’s trying to talk her into staying in La Push, but I think she’s planning on moving back to the Makah reservation,” he explained.

“Does she still have family there?”

“A brother. Quil said she’s just waiting until she can find a new job up there. He doesn’t really know much more -- she’s shunned him too,” Jake said, choking up on the words.

“Love you, Jake. Take care of yourself and visit when you can,” she said, hanging up first this time. He was about to lose it, and he wouldn’t want her hearing it. He was too proud for that. And she was a reminder that would only make it worse.

~

February

Boredom inspired her to seek out any form of entertainment available. In this case, it was accompanying Bella when she went to visit Kate and practice shielding others. 

The practice didn’t make sense to Mae. Bella diligently prepared for a fight she insisted would never happen. So what was the point of training so frequently?

Oh well.

Really, she joined Bella because she was seeking Leah. Her… Aunt… had intrigued her at the wedding just over a month ago, and she wanted to get to know her better. She was Jacob’s second. Maybe she’d have some insight on how he was doing. Particularly since she hadn’t heard from him herself, except for the brief call she’d given him on his birthday.

“You busy?” Mae asked, wondering over to where Leah was sprawled across the couch. None of the other vampires were around, and Kate and Garrett were out back with Bella.

“Studying. Why?” she asked, eyeing Mae over the top of her book. She looked puzzled by the unexpected visit.

“Is it interesting?” 

“No. Why are you really here?” Leah asked bluntly, calling Mae out.

“I thought maybe he’d call more after the wedding,” Mae admitted.

“He’s a guy. If you want to talk, you can always call him. Texting works too -- much quicker and easier to respond to.”

“He’s got a lot going on. I don’t want to interrupt.”

“Chicken,” Leah accused. Mae bit her tongue to keep from denying it and making herself sound like a petulant child. Leah rolled her eyes. “So dramatic.”

“And you weren’t? Jake told me stories about how you picked fights with everyone after you shifted for the first time,” Mae snapped, feeling a flare of temper take hold that she couldn’t suppress. She hadn’t meant to bring up what was probably a difficult time for the other woman -- why else would she have been picking fights -- but the taunt provoked her irrationally.

“So you do have a backbone, after all,” Leah said, closing her book and looking closer at Mae. A slow smile curled her lips and she nodded. Somehow she felt that she’d just gained Leah’s approval -- for what, she had no idea.

“He never said why you were so angry,” Mae asked, curious about the only female wolf. What was that like for her? Was she lonely too? Was that why she’d been so happy to move here? Was that why she’d stayed that first year then returned after the fight with the Volturi?

“Sam left me for my cousin -- Emily,” Leah said frankly, not sugar coating the truth. It was refreshing.

“Oh. I’d be angry too,” Mae said. “Like fighting mad, angry.”

“Would you? Bit possessive? Aren’t we all,” Leah said snippily, making Mae laugh. Leah treated her the way Rosalie treated Bella, not like she’d known her since she was a baby. It reminded Mae of her time at La Push with Jake.

“What’s it like being the only female wolf?”

“You want the short of it, or the nitty gritty?”

“Tell me everything,” Mae demanded.

“You asked for it,” Leah smirked, shaking her head a little.

After that, Mae always accompanied Bella to the Denali house, eager to spend time with Leah. And it was Leah that took Mae to La Push a couple weeks later to visit Billy and meet his new grandson, Thomas.

~

May

For the second time in less than a year, the entire family descended on Forks. Seth’s graduation was the next day, and Alice had insisted on a party, saying, “My parties are always exciting and eventful.” Bella had snorted at that, and the rest of the family had shared looks like it was a private joke no one was in a hurry to let her in on. 

The day after his graduation, the family was taking Seth’s belongings with them as he officially moved into the main house in Fairbanks with Alice. He was beyond ready to commit to Alice completely.

Mae hadn’t seen her aunt in two months, and missed her. It’d be nice to have her close again, and Seth was always welcome. His endless happiness and optimism reminded her of Jacob. Like having a piece of her friend back.

Currently though, Mae was eavesdropping on Alice and Seth’s fight. She figured it was her right since they were fighting about Jacob, and he was hers.

“I can’t believe he’s not coming,” Alice hissed angrily.

“It’s fine, pixie. I told him not to,” Seth said, unmistakable sadness lacing his voice.

“But after everything we’ve been through. Tomorrow is a huge day for you. He should be here to share it,” Alice insisted, stomping her foot. The sound of cracking cement flared out of the garage where they were.

“There are going to be a lot of big moments in my very long life. He’ll have time to be part of more than he won’t. I can give him a pass for now,” Seth said, muffled, like he was speaking against Alice’s neck. He’d barely had his hands off her since they’d arrived so he probably was. 

Esme had said that would stop in time, but Bella and Jasper seemed to suffer from the same problem, and that hadn’t ever let up. It was rare indeed for them to not at least be touching in some way when both were in the house -- like magnets drawn together. It took force to separate them, and no such force existed to part Bella and Jazz.

“So you just plan on him skipping the next few years then sliding back into your life like nothing happened?”

Years? They thought it would be years before Jacob came back around? Distress wrapped constricting steel arms around her.

“He has to come to terms in his own way, learn to process what happened and accept it,” Seth insisted. “It was worse for him than the rest of us.”

“He needs to figure out he has people that care about him and want to help,” Alice refuted, and Mae had to stop herself from announcing that she was one of those that wanted to help him.

“He doesn’t though. Not like this,” he said, following the words with a muffling smacking and sucking sound. Mae assumed they were kissing. “That’s the difference.”

Jacob was alone. Because she wasn’t what he needed. He’d made that clear. And she couldn’t be that for him. Seth was right.

~

July

Leah had been on her case for weeks now about talking to Edward. She’d even asked how Mae would feel if Leah ever dated Edward. That had been awkward. Her aunt had feelings for her dad. Mae hadn’t seen that one coming, and honestly couldn’t picture it. But then, she barely knew Edward and had never seen the two together.

Leah had admitted she didn’t know if Edward would even want to after learning her stipulations, but seeing Alice and Seth making it work had prompted her to at least test the waters. She didn’t want to if it was going to make things worse for Mae and Edward’s already strained relationship. Hence the nudges -- more like cattle prodding -- to talk to him. She wanted them to repair things before she made any definite decisions.

“Hi, dad,” Mae greeted her dad when her phone rang that day, answering his call for the first time. 

“Renesmee?” he breathed, stunned.

“Did you think it’d be someone else?” Mae asked, amused despite herself.

“No -- I just… I’m glad you finally took my call,” he said carefully, afraid almost. She regretted waiting so long. She just hadn’t believed he’d keep his word. But here it was, over a year later, and he still called every day in the hopes of finally talking to her.

“I don’t hate you,” she said immediately. Because she didn’t. She’d just been so unbelievably hurt.

“That’s good to know. I understand that you’re angry with me. I broke my promise,” he said, accepting full blame.

“You left me. Again,” she acknowledged, unable to help saying it aloud. It wasn’t meant to intentionally hurt him, just breathe life into the pain she’d endured by his absence like creating a golem.

“I did it for you,” he offered, a small consultation. 

“But I’m all alone,” Mae whispered.

“It can be hard,” Edward said, understanding at once what she meant. Either her parents had told him, or she took after her dad. The assumption was confirmed when he continued, “surrounded by so many happy couples.”

“How did you do it?”

“Well, I wasn’t very good at it. I’m sure everyone there will agree,” he said ruefully. She wasn’t very good at it either.

“Guess I take after you, huh?”

A soft chuckle sounded through the line and she could picture him smiling.

“I focused on other pursuits. Music mainly,” he told her, reminding her of their shared passion.

“Billy loves it when I play for him. We’re going to visit him in a few weeks.” They were going to spend the last week of summer there before Bella and Jasper started school again. She was relieved to know she was welcome on the rez again, even without Jacob.

“I’m sure he will like that. He’s probably missing you,” Edward said quietly.

“Are you? Missing me?”

“Every day,” he said immediately, voice thick.

“I’m sorry, dad. Will you tell me what you’ve been doing with the Volturi?”

They talked for a while, and she felt the way the conversation healed the edges of the wound his abandonment had given her.

Next year would be better. It had to be.


	4. 4: What the hell? Was I just used? - Jacob

Author’s Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think! 

The theme songs for this chapter are _Come Home_ by OneRepublice and _The Highest Tide_ by The Wealthy West.

PS I’m not Stephenie Meyer, so I don’t own anything :(

~

Ch 4: What the hell? Was I just used? - Jacob

Year 2 - 2007-2008

May 

“Hey, new guy, give me a hand?” the guy working on the car next to Jacob asked, glancing over with a friendly smile. The guy was tall, with lean muscles and deeply tanned. He had sandy, sun-bleached hair and shuttered green eyes. His smile didn’t reach them. He looked a little world-weary honestly. Jacob could relate.

Jacob had been working here almost a week, and this was the first time anyone had spoken to him apart from the manager when he’d given Jake his schedule for the month. Not that he’d been particularly welcoming or open to conversation. And given his size, he was probably projecting a pretty strong back-off vibe.

“Jacob,” he said, offering a grease-stained hand.

“Aiden,” the guy replied, lips quirking as he took the offered hand and pumped it once. He seemed amused to find Jacob actually did have a voice. Rusty with disuse as it was.

“How long have you been working here?” Jake asked, determined to try harder. He was here to make a fresh start. It couldn’t happen if he didn’t start moving forward.

“About a year. I moved here from Chicago for school,” Aiden said, grabbing a wrench.

“UC San Diego?” Jacob asked, and when Aiden nodded, added, “I’m starting there this fall.”

“Already got a roommate?” Aiden asked, ducking under the hood and pointing at the hose he needed Jacob to hold for him.

“I actually got an apartment off campus. Medical reasons,” Jacob admitted. Thank you, Carlisle, he added mentally. The doctor had written a note for him and contacted the school’s admissions upon learning Jacob wanted to remain living off campus.

“Lucky,” Aiden said, obviously impressed. Freshman were supposed to be required to live on campus, but Jake didn’t want to get a place for two months then have to move out and lose his deposit just so he could go ahead and get away from La Push a little early.

“I have a spare room. And with the price of rent around here,” Jacob offered, only barely surprised to find himself extending the invitation. It was cost efficient, and currently, he had too much downtime with nothing to and no distractions to prevent him from thinking about the events of the last two years.

Embry begging for death haunted him every time he closed his eyes. And when it wasn’t his friend, it was Sam taunting him.

“How soon can I move in?” Aiden said, jumping on the offer immediately. “I’m staying on a friend’s couch currently.”

For the first time, Jake felt more like himself. His natural happiness was creeping back in. The worry, grief, and self-hatred were simply not him. Just a product of all the unwelcome and unasked for changes happening in his life these last few years. It was time to get back to basics -- before a broken girl had intrigued him and he’d become obsessed with the challenge of trying to fix the unfixable.

~

July

Aiden was easy to live with. Easy to get along with. He was one of the chillest guys Jacob had ever met. His aunt had raised him in Chicago after his parents died when he was young. Car crash. Same way Jacob had lost his mother. Aiden’s aunt, Madison, was some sort of environmental activist, and she traveled a lot to protest things across the country. She actually sounded like she would get on with old Quil Sr. He’d always been all about preserving land and limiting the loggers’ actions around Forks.

Jacob learned that Aiden had lost his high school girlfriend in a car crash too. Talk about bad luck. The events leading up to Kennedy’s accident made for a pretty brutal story that had come spilling out after one too many beers one night that summer. Apparently, he’d found out she was sleeping with his best friend when he caught them together at a summer party a couple weeks after graduation. He’d left, and she’d tried to go after him. She’d gotten behind the wheel drunk and ended up running head first into a median on the highway.

Despite all the loss, Aiden genuinely enjoyed life. He was a little world weary, certainly, but he didn’t let the past control his present or inhibit his future. He’d internalized his pain, and found a way through the jagged maze to a better place. Jacob was hoping he’d let him in on the secret of how to navigate it all.

They spent a lot of time together Jacob’s first few months in La Jolla, just outside of San Diego. Aiden showed him around and got him invested in surfing. Surfing was significantly more fun here than it was in Northwestern Washington. Bikinis. That’s all he had to say. 

Of course, his wolf reflexes helped too. He’d not tried surfing since he phased for the first time, and when he finally did, it was a rush. He was much better than he’d been as a child. The combination of better control of his body and the ability to read the water with his enhanced senses made him a favorite on the beach for people to watch.

The only downside to living with Aiden was the constant teasing over his daily calls to the mysterious Nessie. Aiden hadn’t really bought the line of her being a friend of the family, but he hadn’t pushed for a better explanation either. He respected Jake’s privacy. At least a little. There had been the time he’d compared Jacob’s punctuality in calling her to the way Kennedy had taken her birth control pill. Like a little reminder went off on his phone every day telling him it was time.

He wasn’t really wrong though.

~

August

“I know we haven’t really talked since… “ Quil said. He’d unexpectedly called today right as Jacob was getting out of class for the day.

“That’s one way to put it,” Jacob said, unable to mask his hurt. It wasn’t directed at Quil, just the entire unbearable situation. 

Jake headed for the bus -- it was faster than driving around these parts. Plus he couldn’t afford an on campus parking pass. What a waste of money that little sticker was. 

He still couldn’t get used to the constant, endless traffic. Countless cars congested the roads here until the air tasted of gasoline and pollution -- not woods, rain, and salty sea air. Possibly worse, was the fact that he could walk faster than it took to drive most of the time -- at human speed even.

“She still won’t let me come over either,” Quil whispered, regretfully.

Jacob knew instantly what, or rather who, Quil was referring to. Embry’s mom. The first thing he’d done upon returning from Chile was go straight to her and tell her everything. Her son was dead. Died fighting to keep their people safe. She deserved the chance to be with them when they said goodbye to him for the final time when they honored him for his sacrifice.

“Was Sam right? Should we not have told her?” Jake asked. 

Lainey hadn’t taken the news well. Understatement. She’d gone postal. Complete opposite of how Charlie and Bella had reacted. Not that he blamed her. But she thought it was something they’d done to him, forced on him. She didn’t understand it was because she’d gotten pregnant by a man carrying the wolf gene, and he’d passed it down. Josh Uley could do no wrong in her mind -- even after he failed to acknowledge his son or their brief affair. Or maybe she did, and that just made it worse. The man that abandoned her, even after she uprooted her life to follow him to the rez, was ultimately the reason her son was dead.

Possibly, it all came down to her personal guilt. She’d never been very good at facing reality. Lainey sort of lived in a fantasy world where she was always the victim, and everything was someone else’s fault, or their actions a deliberate attempt to slight her. When she’d learned the truth about her son, she’d not been able to cope with how she’d treated him for all the secrets and lies he’d told since shifting for the first time.

“She deserved the truth,” Quil reassured him.

“I guess,” Jake said, still remembering the disgusted denial on her face as she’d shaken her head, desperate to dislodge the truth from her vision. 

He and Quil had gone over to check on her the morning Jacob left town, and she’d slammed the door in their faces. Jake hadn’t heard from Quil since that morning, but he guessed Quil was still trying to reach out to her, even if he got shut down every time.

“I actually called to thank you,” Quil said, changing the subject.

“Oh? This should be good,” Jake said, climbing onto the bus that had just arrived and settling into one of the hard plastic seats, his knees smashed against the seat in front of him due to his bulk. The seats really weren’t designed with someone of his size and build in mind.

“I’m going to UW this fall. I move in tomorrow and start classes on Monday,” he confessed, nerves or excitement making his voice shake a little. 

“I thought you’d decided against it. Too many obligations on the rez,” Jacob said wonderingly. He’d never have expected to hear this from his oldest friend.

“You inspired me,” he joked. Then more seriously, explained, “The Cullens are gone. There’s no reason for vampires to wander through here anymore. My imprint is safe. She doesn’t need a protector anymore -- just like yours. So why shouldn’t I go out and start living my life? It’s time.”

He heard what Quil was really saying. He was lonely and ready to find someone that would help him move on now that Embry was gone. Anything to fill the hole left behind. 

And why not a relationship? Quil had always been the most incorrigible of the three when it came to girls. Before he’d imprinted, he’d constantly bugged Bella to hook him up with one of her friends from Forks. Then there’d been Claire, and he’d stopped being Quil. More like he’d been paused. Temporarily neutered. Possibly permanently if Sam was to be believed. Guess it was finally time to press play again and find out if Sam was full of shit or not.

“I thought you didn’t see them,” Jake prodded, remembering a conversation they’d had on the beach while Bella had been on her honeymoon.

“You do, don’t you?” 

There was so much hope in the question. Jacob was relieved he could honestly admit, “Yeah. I’m starting too.”

A beach volleyball game a couple days ago came to mind. He’d watched the four knockouts playing right along with Aiden, completely unashamed to be checking them out. Southern California beaches with their sunny, blue skies and a minimum of seventy-five degree days were so much more fun than the ones back home.

“I think I will too if I get away. I’ve never really left the rez. Barely ever even been to Seattle. There aren’t all that many girls our age around here, and Forks is pretty limited as well,” Quil said, talking faster as excitement revved him up.

“Funny. I think I remember trying to tell you that once,” Jake teased.

“Which is why I’m calling to thank you,” Quil fired back, not denying he’d been wrong or ignorant. “Is it hard to juggle the past and present?”

Again, thanks to their years of friendship, he understood what Quil was really asking. How do you keep your imprint both happy and secret?

“It was at first, but not so much now. Nessie said I didn’t need to keep calling, so I sort of…”

This was already his second week of school. They started earlier than UW. Trade off was they got a longer Christmas break. It’d been days now since he last called her, and she’d not called him either, so he knew she was fine with it. 

“You stopped talking to her altogether?” Quil demanded, shocked.

“Cold turkey. I highly recommend it,” Jacob advised. Okay, so maybe he wasn’t being entirely truthful. He’d slipped yesterday and called, just to check in, but most people slipped a few times when breaking a habit.

Glancing outside, Jacob stood. The bus was finally approaching his apartment. Seriously, he was just going to start walking. It was less than two miles and the bus took around fifteen minutes to make the journey. On a good day.

“And she’s all right with that?”

“It was her suggestion. She wouldn’t have made it if she wasn’t,” Jacob explained, wondering why his gut twisted a bit as he said it. Ness wouldn’t lie to him, would she? No. It wasn’t like that with them. If she needed him, he’d always come through, even if it hurt to do it. She knew that. She’d call if she just wanted to talk. He was sure of it. “Claire is four now, right?”

“Yeah,” Quil agreed, clearly wondering where Jake was going with his question.

“I doubt she’ll notice either,” Jacob said frankly. It might be a bit blunt, but the kid was four. She’d hardly notice if Quil stopped visiting.

“Man, I can’t wait to get back out there,” he said, and Jake envisioned him rubbing his hands together in anticipation like some movie villain plotting world domination. Better yet, a sultan contemplating building a harem. 

“Quil Ateara -- lady’s man,” Jacob said dryly, barely resisting the urge to laugh.

“You’re just jealous they always preferred me. I had muscles long before you bulked up,” Quil bragged. 

It was true though, he couldn’t deny it. Quil had spent a couple hours a day in the gym freshman and sophomore year to try and attract some girl’s attention he’d had a crush on. Then when Jacob shifted, he’d surpassed Quil in the muscle department in a matter of weeks. All without ever once hitting a gym. It was still a sore point for Quil. Probably wouldn’t have been if he’d actually succeeded with the unimpressed girl. 

Too bad for him. At least Jake had had a senior coming around all the time to see him.

“You know Embry would be so pissed that we don’t talk anymore,” Jacob said suddenly, realizing just how true his words were only after he’d already said them.

“It’s got to get easier... Won’t it?”

“Sure, sure,” Jacob said, using his standard response, and only meaning it a little sardonically.

~

October

Mae had encouraged him to go out, so he did. Whenever Aiden wanted to drag Jake to some party or another, he went. Usually, he had a pretty great time too. Each time it became more natural to relax and slip into the role of a normal college student. The weight of the pack, tribe, and imprint responsibilities fell away bit by bit. The oppressive grief over losing Embry dimmed. Breathing and laughter came easier.

Tonight it was a house party just off campus. About one block from his apartment building, in fact.

From the moment he walked in, he noticed her. She was the kind of girl used to being the center of attention, he could tell. Blonde hair, blue eyes edged with dark liner until they practically popped. Sun-kissed skin, heels, and a short skirt were merely window dressing on the long-legged, perfectly toned figure. The epitome of a SoCal girl. 

And from the second he walked in, she only had eyes for him. Jacob watched as the two girls she was with elbowed her and snapped their fingers in her face to regain her attention. It never lasted, as her sparkling baby-blues inevitably sought him out again. Though a couple times she did whisper to them while continuing to watch him.

He’d only agreed to come tonight for the distraction. Tomorrow, he was supposed to be returning to La Push for the first time since leaving, and he was worried about how that would go.

Honestly, this was the most blatant any girl had even shown interest in him in his life. It was a little thrilling. He felt bolder, unstoppable. Whole.

“Hi,” the blonde mouthed from across the room after their eyes met for the countless time. Jacob grinned, not because of her interest, but because he could hear her even from across the noisy, crowded room filled with drunken coeds, thanks to his enhanced senses. His smile was taken as an invitation, and she broke away from her friends to fearlessly approach him. “I’m Alyson. Get a girl a drink?”

“Sure, uh… “ he began, not knowing what she’d like, and a little thrown by her introduction.

“Whatever you’re having works,” she encouraged, smiling widely and showing off luminescent white teeth. Jacob located Aiden, and his friend handed him a cup, having watched their interaction from a little ways away.

“Go get her,” Aiden instructed, raising his own cup in salute. 

Jacob weaved back through the people to where Alyson was waiting, and passed off the requested cup, having no idea what was in it, but trusting Aiden to have prepared something a girl like Alyson would enjoy. Barbies typically sipped fruity cocktails, right? She smiled brightly when he handed it over, and he was encouraged.

Now what?

“Do you go to school here?” he asked, not having really done the small talk thing much and mentally acknowledging that he was pretty bad at it.

“What?” Alyson asked, face scrunching adorably.

“Do you go to school here?” Jacob repeated, shifting awkwardly.

Alyson shook her head, tilting it towards him even as it scrunched more. “It’s really loud in here. Want to go for a walk?” she suggested, giggling briefly.

“Yeah, that’d be great,” he agreed, nodding.

She downed the entire drink he’d handed her like a champ, then grabbed his hand to pull him outside.

“Much better,” she said, sighing happily when they stepped out into the cooler night air. She didn’t let go of his hand, even as she turned to walk backwards, grinning up at him and pulling him along the sidewalk like a little tugboat hauling a steamer.

“Are you a student here too?” he tried for a third time.

“Yep. What’s your major?” she asked, almost tripping on a broken piece of concrete in her platform wedges, but Jacob steadied her, earning a giant smile as a reward.

“Engineering,” he revealed, breathing steadying as it became easier to talk to her. He could do this. Dating wasn’t so impossible.

“Smart and attractive,” she announced, looking him up and down in undisguised surprise and interest. “I’d have guessed model.”

Uncomfortable, he rubbed the back of his neck. Never had a girl been so forthright with him. It threw him off. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to compliment her back or if it was just something she was saying because of the alcohol. She laughed at his predicament, shaking her head ruefully. After another beat, she rolled her eyes and turned, glancing around.

“Isn’t she beautiful?” Alyson suddenly gasped, dragging him towards the car parked a little ways up the street.

It was a 1970 Pontiac Firebird in great condition. Not the most amazing car he’d ever seen, but it definitely stood out on this street tonight. The car was the bright yellow favored back then, and Jacob could tell it had been recently restored because the front grill wasn’t the original metal, but a newer mesh with a honeycomb design not used back then.

“You’re into cars?” Jacob asked as she eyed the vehicle critically. How many girls were into cars, his biggest hobby and passion?

Seeing Alyson studying the car with apparent knowledge and interest reminded Jacob of his ill-fated trip to Seattle the day he imprinted, and the girl he’d met. He should have gotten her number. Perhaps this was his second chance. His opportunity not to make that same mistake.

“My granddad is into hotrods. They get borrowed for movies all the time,” she said casually, still focused on the car.

Hollywood. Wow. They were from completely different worlds.

“That must be pretty cool,” Jacob said uncertainly. Maybe he should wait for the next opportunity. Really, how much else could he have in common with her?

“I guess. I just like the cars. He lets me help work on them most weekends,” she said, shrugging and walking back over to his side. She swallowed, taking his hand again, then offered, “I’ll show you sometime if you want.”

Or maybe the differences weren’t too vast, after all. Maybe they would be just enough to keep things interesting. And if she was already planning to see him again...

“Is your dorm close?” she asked suddenly.

“I live in that apartment complex right over there,” he said pointing to the building that could just be seen.

“Very cool,” she decreed, not looking at all skeptical considering it was one of the cheapest places to rent from in the area. Guess appearances could be deceiving. He’d sort of expected her to turn her nose up the way Rosalie Cullen would have. 

“Want to come over?” he offered impulsively.

“I thought you’d never ask,” she breathed, biting her lower lip. His eyes immediately zeroed in on it, and he was overcome with the desire to kiss her. 

What would it be like? He’d only ever kissed Bella, and that hadn’t been ideal. He still couldn’t believe he’d been so caught up that first time reveling in the fact he was finally going for it, that he’d missed the way she wanted him to stop. 

He’d been pretty angry with himself after the fact. It wasn’t cool to kiss someone against their will. He’d just been so certain that a kiss was all it would take to change her mind -- like a Disney princess. Snow White or Sleeping Beauty, and he was her prince. Hindsight was a bitch. He should have known better.

For a long time afterwards, he’d wondered what it would be like to kiss someone that actually wanted him. He’d seen in the pack mind what it would be like, and he noted the differences between those interactions and what he felt with Bella. He’d been such a naive little fool back then.

As soon as his front door shut, Alyson pulled off her shirt, dropping it on the floor and looking at him expectantly. Jacob had no idea what he was supposed to say or do. He’d been caught up in his internal musings the last three minutes it took to reach the door of his apartment.

“Which room is yours?” she asked, unzipping her frayed jean skirt as she began moving towards the hallway. Jacob felt his feet moving, shuffling after her like a zombie in a trance.

“Uhhh, that one,” he said pointing, dumbstruck.

“You coming?” she asked seductively, stepping out of her skirt just inside the door to his room and walking backwards towards his bed, reaching enticingly for him.

It was almost an out-of-body experience for him. Hormones dictated his actions. Thinking played no part, as rational thought fled in the face of sensation. He yanked his shirt off without preamble, then his hands were on her, tracing soft curves and femanine parts he’d never touched on another before as her clever fingers undid his pants and shoved them down his muscled thighs, moaning at the feel of his hands on her soft flesh.

Once the fabric was gone, Alyson laughed merrily, gripping him securely and murmuring, “Comando?” 

Jacob had done away with underwear within a day of phasing. There was no point when he was shifting so regularly. It wasn’t like he planned to tie them to his leg in addition to his shorts every time and have them hanging out for all to see. Usually, there wasn’t time to waste anyways. After a while it’d just become habit, and he’d never gone back.

“Yeah,” he admitted, bending to kiss her neck when she tilted her head to expose the golden column.

“I like it,” she said, stroking him firmly. “Easy access to what I want, and this is a welcome surprise,” she added with an extra squeeze that had him bucking helplessly into her closed fist.

Overwhelming didn’t begin to describe what Jake was feeling. It was so different having someone else touch him than it was when he touched himself. The soft, cool touch eliciting a flood of endorphins and pleasure.

Clumsy, unpracticed fingers unfastened her hot pink bra, struggling and failing twice before managing to get the little metal prongs free, and she pulled her arms out of the straps even as she continued kissing his chest. Then she shoved her matching lace panties off, kicking them away as she stepped back, placing both hands on his chest.

“Condoms?”

“Nightstand,” he gasped, falling back on the bed when she pushed his chest, knowing that was what she intended, even if she wasn’t actually strong enough to budge him if he didn’t let her. 

He’d have to remember to thank Paul for giving him the brand new box of condoms when he moved in. Never thought they’d find themselves in that position, but the other wolf had said to use him as a cautionary tale and always suit up.

In no time at all, Alyson had him gloved and had moved to straddle him, sinking fully onto his length in a single blissful motion.

Fast. Not as bad as it could have been on his part, but probably not the best showing she’d ever had either. A solid six -- if he had to rate himself. Honestly, she’d ridden him like a horse. His inexperience didn’t seem to matter as she directed their encounter. Jake had just enjoyed the ride and grit his teeth to keep from exploding too soon. 

She collapsed onto him afterwards. Jacob wrapped arms securely around her and rolled to his side, tucking her head under his chin.

“Umm, can you move a little? You’re like -- excessively hot. I think you’ve got a fever or something,” she said immediately, bracing her hands against his chest.

“Oh, sorry,” Jacob said, flushing with embarrassment and shifting away. Jared used to worry about that a lot with Kim, but it’d been a while since he thought of it, so he’d forgotten how uncomfortable it could be for others, particularly immediately after physical exertion when their skin was even hotter than normal. 

He needed to dispose of the condom anyways. It was uncomfortably tight and sticky. If this was going to become a common occurrence, he’d need to get a trash can for his bedroom. Walking down the hall after each time, and potentially running into Aiden didn’t sound very appealing.

Alyson got up when he did, quickly pulling on her discarded panties and hooking her bra. Jacob watched uncertainly as she glanced around, and when she grabbed her skirt, asked, “Uh, you’re leaving?”

“I have an early class, and I’m meeting friends before it for breakfast. I’ll leave you my number though,” she said, walking out of the room even as she spoke. “Thanks!”

Jacob grabbed his shorts and headed to the bathroom to clean up, listening as Alyson opened and closed the door, leaving without ever stopping to write down her number or put it in his phone. Then he remembered that tomorrow was Saturday -- the first day of fall break.

She’d lied. There were no classes tomorrow.

“Catherine is never going to believe I nailed him,” Alyson giggled from the hallway, the words muffled by the walls as Jacob followed the progress of her hasty exit.

Hell. She’d never even asked his name.

They hadn’t even kissed on the lips.

He’d just had sex with a girl that didn’t know the first thing about him. 

He hadn’t even gotten to properly appreciate the experience and savor it.

Jacob made his way into the kitchen, startled when he caught sight of Aiden leaning against the counter sipping a glass of water. He was always going on about proper hydration if you wanted to avoid a hangover and still catch some early waves the next morning.

“Who was that?” he asked, smirking knowingly.

“Alyson,” Jake muttered, rubbing a hand over his face.

“Sounded like you rocked her world,” Aiden acknowledged. She had been rather vocal with her encouragement and praise. Was any of it real?

“I think she used me,” Jacob admitted, baffled. Was this normal? Did people really have one night stands? He’d never thought he would have one, especially not accidentally.

“That a first for you?” Aiden said, lips parting slightly as he took Jacob in more closely now, working out the solution to a problem he hadn’t realized he was solving until the answer came to him.

If this had happened a couple months ago, Aiden would have been a lot more surprised, but they’d been friends for months now, and he’d seen firsthand how little experience Jacob had with women.

“In more ways than one -- strike that. I’ve been used, just not like that,” Jacob said dryly.

“What a way to lose it,” Aiden said, shaking his head in amazement. Alyson had been rather stunning to look at. Too bad it was only superficial. “Well, at least you’ll have a good story to share with your friends when you get home tomorrow,” he added, reminding Jacob that he was supposed to be leaving for La Push the next morning to spend the week with Nessie.

Already, he felt like a mess over the trip. This just made it infinitely worse. There was no way he could face any of the Cullens or his family after that. She’d be disappointed in him -- not that he’d ever tell her. Jasper would instantly feel his shame and demand to know why though -- he didn’t really think Jacob deserved to keep things private from him, not now that they were friends and Jacob was such a significant part of his daughter’s life. And his dad… Billy Black had not raised him to use women like that -- or be used, he guessed was a better description. Regardless, he couldn’t look any of them in the eye right now. 

Guess he’d have to wait until the wedding to return. Get a handle on himself before he faced them.

~

December

“I can’t see my feet, everything hurts, I have to pee every five minutes. And Paul ate the last of the ice cream last night, but he’s at work right now and can’t get me anymore. How do you think I am?” Rachel said, not five minutes after Jacob walked in.

So it was like that, was it? Guess she was due in a little under two weeks.

“Missed you too, Sis,” Jacob said. Rachel threw a pillow at his head in response. 

Charlie and Sue’s wedding was the next day, and he’d come early to see his dad and sister. It only took him a little over seven months to gather his nerve and resolve enough to return.

“Bella was so lucky to only have to do this for a couple of weeks,” Rachel grumbled, trying to readjust and get comfortable again now that she’d lost a pillow to cushion her belly. 

“Yeah, guess she only had to worry about broken bones, liver lacerations, and drinking blood,” Jacob said dryly, taking pity on Rachel and returning the pillow. He even helped her wedge it between her hip and the threadbare arm of the sofa.

“Oh, poor Bella. Boo hoo. He’s got Paul’s temper, and he’s taking it out on my bladder,” Rachel growled. Jacob wisely stayed silent this time, though he did catch Billy’s suppressed grin.

That’s right, it was a boy. He’d have a nephew soon. Hard to believe. And Rachel actually knew for sure that it was a boy -- unlike Bella’s woefully wrong guess.

“Have you gotten your final grades?” Billy asked, changing the subject.

“All As,” Jacob said easily. They were all intro classes, so not exactly rocket science, even with the two extra classes he’d taken. 

“I expected nothing less,” Billy said.

“Well I did. It’s not like he’s ever focused on school before,” Rachel said, calling him out whether because she was his sister and that’s just what siblings did, or because she was a teacher herself now and took mortal offense to anyone that didn’t respect the sanctity of education.

It could also be the pregnancy hormones. Those seemed to be doing a number on her personality.

“At least I’m in college,” Jacob said, taking a light jab at Paul.

Paul had gotten a job as a logger. It was pretty much his only option around Forks since he only had a high school diploma and no other trade skills. Mostly, he sheared off tree limbs with a chainsaw all day. He made a pretty decent living all things considered. He and Rachel had already saved up enough to cover closing costs on a small house in Forks this coming summer. 

They were planning to stay with Billy until then so he could help with the baby, though Rachel would be on maternity leave all of next semester. The teaching thing was pretty convenient. She’d get the semester to get used to caring for a baby, then the summer to move and get settled into her new home.

Jacob and Paul were on better terms than ever before. Occasionally, Paul would even call to check on him -- without someone prompting or forcing him to. And it was his future brother-in-law, because yeah, they still weren’t married -- Rachel refused to be pregnant in her wedding dress. Anyways, it was Paul that kept him updated about his nephew and sent ultrasound pictures.

They spent a few hours teasingly bickering after that, Billy watching happily. It was the most he’d had with at least two of his three children in the house at the same time since before Rachel and Rebecca graduated high school. Even after Rachel moved back, Jake avoided interacting with everyone if he could help it. Except for the couple months before he went to Guatemala with Nessie, Bella, and Jasper. For once it actually felt like they were a family again.

Eventually, Jacob excused himself to the garage, wanting to see what had become of it in his absence. Was it even still standing? Surprisingly, it was. Paul must check on it after any storms that went through the area because there weren’t any obvious signs of leaking or water damage. All of his prized tools were exactly where he’d left them. Waiting for him to return. Remembering all the hours Jacob had spent locked in here.

Ghosts flitted in and out. Echoes of laughter, flashes of almost seen friends. They’d worked on Embry’s dirt bike here. Quil and Embry had teased him about Bella here too -- repeatedly. Embry had even slept out here a few times when things with his mom got too bad. More than a few times honestly.

It was a mistake coming back to La Push so soon. He wasn’t ready for this. Not ready to face the demons plaguing him. They clawed at his delicate soul, worn thin as tissue paper, nails snagging and ripping it into transparent bits.

That was where Quil, Leah and Seth found him a few minutes later. His pack seeking their alpha. 

Seth immediately pulled Jacob into a bear hug, slapping his back like he’d been looking forward to seeing him for months. Though to be fair, that was precisely the case. His scent was thoroughly entwined with Alice’s, the sweet woodsy scent more appealing and less sickly when combined with the wolf’s natural outdoorsy one. Guess Seth had enjoyed the reunion with his girlfriend, mate, whatever she was to him at this point. 

Quil thumped his back a few times too, and Leah gave him a nod. She looked completely different than she had a little over a year ago when she’d still been part of Sam’s pack. Now, she was smiling, her hair was a little longer -- not much, because of phasing -- but the difference suited her more. Softened the edges a bit. The cold, hardness in her eyes had thawed some as well.

“Aren’t you two supposed to be having a family dinner with Charlie, Sue, and some of the Cullens?” Jacob asked the siblings. He was sure Mae or Bella had mentioned it recently.

“We’re on our way. Heard you were here and wanted to stop in,” Leah said, shrugging like it was no big deal.

“Leah was worried you’d take off before the wedding,” Seth added, ratting his older sister out. Her hand had flown out to smack the back of his head before he’d even finished speaking. Which meant, Seth was probably telling the truth.

Funny. He’d just been contemplating doing that very thing.

“I was thinking about it. But I’ve got to stop running away the second things get hard,” Jacob said, determined to make the effort and follow through with it. Guess he and Edward were a bit alike in that regard. Ugh. He did not want to share that particular trait with the leech.

He may like the rest of the Cullens, even Blondie, but Edward would always be the leech to him. Memories of fighting over Bella, then trying to carefully explain to Nessie why her dad didn’t want her had thoroughly tainted that relationship. It would take centuries or a miracle to mend -- whichever came first.

“Acknowledging your failure is half the battle. I’m still waiting to see a time when you successfully stick around,” Leah said frankly.

“At least I can own up to my issues,” Jake replied defensively.

“I freely admit I have feelings for Edward -- despite all odds and numerous differences. It’s not my fault he’s stuck in Italy and I can’t act on them,” Leah admitted, coming right out and announcing what they’d only discussed privately on the rare occasion Leah was willing to make herself vulnerable this last year and a half.

“Plus we’re all still waiting on Carlisle to see if it’s possible,” Seth added, acknowledging his own frustrations. 

Alice was refusing to risk Seth’s life by experimenting even a little. She wouldn’t even allow more than chast kissing since the first few times they kissed, too worried she’d lose control now that they’d started building up some fairly significant sexual tension.

“He still running tests?” Quil asked, sympathetic to this particular struggle. He’d abstained -- from trying to pick up girls at least -- for over a year after imprinting.

“All morning. It’s looking good so far. We --,” Seth broke off, flushing a brilliant scarlet over whatever he’d almost shared. Interesting, or disturbing more like. Maybe Alice was getting tired of waiting too. “We should be heading out, right, Lee?”

“Bye guys,” Leah said, rolling her eyes at her brother, but she looped an arm around his neck and hauled him out anyways. Saving him from the ribbing Quil looked eager to deliver.

“Speaking of relationships. I saw Claire today,” Quil announced once the other two were gone.

“And?”

“I can’t believe how different it was -- now that I’m seeing girls, and whatnot,” Quil said, shaking his head, utterly bemused at some memory. “You looking forward to seeing Mae?”

“Yeah. I hadn’t realized until just now how much I’ve been missing her,” Jacob admitted, finally putting the feeling into words. The dull ache in the center of his chest, persistently throbbing like a bruise getting repeatedly bumped. He touched the spot unconsciously, but Quil noted it.

It was something he never let himself think about. It scared him too much. Disgusted him too. The mere possibility that he ever could desire her the way Sam had suggested, no matter when it happened. After the spell Bella had managed to weave over him, it wasn’t a risk he was keen to take. Particularly while she was in this awkward place of growing into an adult body at lightning speed while still a child. It was just so wrong.

But he missed the ease between them. How they knew each other so well they could finish each other’s sentences. How easy laughing was when she was around. Her compassion and kindness. The way she was always challenging him, until every inconsequential act felt like a game -- one he somehow always felt like he won, even when she demolished him. How little he resented being a wolf with her.

“That’ll change once you finally get laid,” Quil said knowingly, like he’d just been waiting for an opportunity to bring the subject up and brag.

“What makes you think I haven’t?” Jacob asked, deadpan with only a single eyebrow raised in question.

“You, dog! You didn’t say a word! When? Who?” Quil demanded, punching his shoulder.

“It wasn’t exactly my proudest moment,” Jacob muttered, already regretting getting sucked into this macho comparison.

“Too quick, huh? Happened to me too,” Quil guessed, sharing entirely too much about his own experience.

“No -- not that,” Jake denied quickly, holding up his hands to stop Quil from making any other incorrect assumptions or sharing more embarrassing details. “She just sort of used me.”

“That’s a bad thing? Several girls have used me. It’s awesome,” Quil said, nodding slowly and grinning widely. Embry would have had a field day with that.

“Not really my style.” Jake sighed. He needed something more meaningful. He wanted to talk to the same girl every day about new and different things. Not repeat the same basic, highly edited, facts to a different girl each day. That just seemed so pointless. Redundant. Exhausting.

“So get a steady girlfriend,” Quil advised, like that would be the natural step to take. It did sort of make sense. He just hadn’t met any that made an impression or seemed worth the effort.

“Maybe I will,” Jacob said, wondering if that could be a possible solution for everything wrong in his life.

The rest of the evening was spent with Rachel, Paul, and Billy after Quil left. Paul hovered around Rachel, constantly trying to offer her things. Anything really, so long as it would make her more comfortable. Rachel, for her part, found fault with everything and everyone. She’d always been easy going and more of a think first, act later person. Jacob sincerely missed the sister he used to have, and he’d only spent a few hours with this version of her. Billy just watched it all, smiling fondly.

He might have been furious that they were so reckless as to accidentally get pregnant, but he’d come around quickly enough. Now he just couldn’t wait to meet his grandson. Apparently, he was a little sore Charlie had beat him on that front.

They were late getting to the church the next day because they had to stop for Rachel to use the restroom at the gas station on the way. Her seriously pea-sized bladder insisted they go again after the thirty minute ceremony ended, so they were the last out of the church since they waited on her to pee again. 

The reception was at the lodge just up the road, so they walked. Well… Rachel waddled. Jacob swore no one had ever been as pregnant as she currently was. Was it possible she was actually having twins? Those ran in his family. Every generation, without fail, a set of twins was born. Maybe the ultrasound tech had gotten it wrong and missed the second baby. 

Paul glared at him to keep his thoughts to himself just before he opened his mouth to ask about it. Weird. Maybe Paul had similar suspicions. Or he thought Jake was going to comment on their snail’s pace or the size of Rachel’s belly and ankles, and he didn’t want to be left dealing with it when Jake left later tonight. That was definitely possible too.

The first person he saw when he entered was Bella. She stood impossibly still. Cold and aloof. It was so unnatural. As much as she was the same girl he first became friends with, there were a million tiny, inconsequential ways she was different. Other. Vampiric. Sometimes he couldn’t believe he’d ever really thought turning would be equivalent to her dying. He’d been so naive then. About so many things.

“His favorite food, in his favorite place, with his favorite people,” Jacob said, coming up behind Bella. This reception was straight out of Charlie’s fantasies.

“I can’t tell you how glad I am not to have to eat this food ever again,” she said, wrinkling her nose as she looked at a partially eaten plate on a nearby table.

“It’s actually pretty good,” Jacob informed her. He wouldn’t be turning his nose up once he found himself a plate.

“I’m glad you came. I thought you might skip it,” she murmured, knowing him too well. Even if they only talked once a month, if that, Bella got him.

“Charlie and Sue are family. I had to at least make an appearance -- once Rachel managed to remember she has feet in addition to a bladder,” Jacob said, rolling his eyes.

“Have you talked to her yet?” Bella asked, scanning his face. There was no need to clarify who she meant.

“No. Where is she?” he asked, glancing around the room. He didn’t see her long bronze curls anywhere.

“Charlie insisted on pictures. I think she’s trapped for a few more minutes at least,” she said, though he continued looking for Nessie. Which doors would she come through? “Is the distance helping?”

“It was. But then I look around --” he cut off abruptly when he spotted the last person he’d expected to see there.

“Embry’s mom. Yeah, Sue invited her,” Bella said sadly. Lainey was sitting alone at a table in the corner shooting daggers at him, like she’d been waiting for this very moment all night. If looks could kill...

“I can’t. I… I can’t. Not yet,” Jake said, stepping quickly back and shaking his head, needing more space between them.

“Go on, Jake. I’ll explain to her,” Jazz said, appearing suddenly beside them. His concern for Jake was nearly his undoing. Never had he believed a vampire would look at him with such sympathy. 

Without a word, he spun and fled the room, fleeing demons intent on tormenting him eternally.

~

January

Rachel didn’t go into labor until four days after her due date. Jacob was abruptly grateful they had so many miles separating them during that time. She was not a pleasant pregnant woman. He actually felt a little bad for Paul having to put up with her. The word karma came to mind too. 

Maybe they’d be a little more careful in the future and not forget a condom again. They were pretty young to be parents.

Billy called when they were on the way to the hospital, and Jake called off work, and skipped his classes to drive up immediately.

The second Jacob saw his nephew, he worried something was wrong. The baby looked nothing like what Nessie had. Then he checked himself. Nessie had been special, of course his nephew didn’t look like she had -- he wasn’t part vampire.

“We named him Thomas. Thomas William Lahote,” Rachel said, beaming when Jake came in the room. Oh, thank god. She was back to normal Rachel -- he got there right on time then.

“Can I hold him?” Jacob asked, coming over to her bedside. It made him smile when he saw Thomas was bundled up in the blanket he’d given his sister for Christmas. The soft fleece had circus animals doing stunts printed on it. It had reminded him of Paul.

“You’re an uncle,” Paul said, lifting Thomas and offering him to Jake, not batting an eye at letting Jake hold his infant son. 

The wolf’s protective instinct normally balked at letting others near their young so soon. Either Paul really was at peace with him, or he was reassured because he sensed the alpha in Jacob -- it grew restless when he was close to the rez, and even more so when other wolves were near. He’d figured that out when he’d come home for the wedding.

Gently, Jake ran a finger over the downy softness of the infant’s russet cheek. It wasn’t as soft as Nessie’s had been. Less rosy, and much darker hued than she’d been too. 

Seeing the little face also reminded him that he might not ever have kids of his own. What if Sam was right about that? He knew it was technically possible, there was at least one story about it -- Sam’s own relative at that, but Jacob couldn’t see himself becoming a parent unless he loved someone with his entire being. With the imprinting, was that even possible for him? Or would it hold him back?

“When is Mae getting here?” Billy asked, watching Jacob and his grandson.

“I didn’t tell her,” Jacob said, glancing up in time to see his dad press his lips firmly together in disapproval. “She barely knows Rachel, and she’s not asked anything about it,” Jacob said defensively. Should he have called her anyways? It would make up for not getting a chance to talk to her at the wedding, but it wasn’t like she could travel to Forks by herself.

“Are you avoiding her?”

“No. I’m just only here for a day, and I wanted to spend it with you guys,” Jacob said, scoffing at the idea that he was doing that. “Besides, she’s too young to travel alone, and you know how Paul would be if she came with even just Bella and Jazz.” 

Though if he were honest, which he didn’t want to be, the idea of looking into her eyes again terrified him. The last time he’d met her gaze head on, was the moment Embry died. Would he relive the trauma of that moment if he saw her again and braved it? He’d admitted to missing her before Sue and Charlie’s wedding, and was willing to risk it, but he’d buried the desire to see her back down since then. Buried it so deep it’d be years before the urge saw the light of day again.

“One of these days you’re going to have to stop punishing her for being what she is and who,” Billy said gruffly, clearly unhappy with Jacob. Since when was Billy siding with vamps? Even if the vamp in question was Nessie.

“I’m not! I wouldn’t do that to her. This is what she wants. She told me,” Jake insisted, though it sounded weak to his own ears.

This was right for both of them. She’d said it was what she wanted. Wasn’t it?

“So she did,” Billy agreed quietly, but Jacob knew he didn’t truly believe the words.

~

January

Nessie called almost a week later. It was only just eight in the morning. Guess Nessie was impatient. He was finally eighteen, though Jasper had gotten him documents saying he already was so he could rent an apartment without jumping through too many hoops -- the Cullen connections really were convenient, and Jazz was a true friend. Certainly better than Edward. He’d also given him a fake license, so good you’d never guess it wasn’t real, that claimed Jacob was twenty-one. It had come in useful a number of times since he’d moved. 

“What do you want for your birthday?” she demanded, the melodic words sounding like music. Good morning to you too, he thought, but couldn’t resist chuckling at her enthusiasm.

“I couldn’t say,” he admitted honestly, suddenly remembering she’d asked him the same exact thing the year before.

“How about your family?” she ventured, and he knew she was nervous. Probably fidgeting with a curl. She always tugged on one when she was uncertain or feared disappointing someone.

“I don’t follow,” he said carefully, not wanting to hurt her feelings when she was trying to do something nice for him.

“I made arrangements with Billy. You’ll have to wait, but he, Rachel, and Thomas are going to fly down and see you when Rachel’s school is on spring break,” Mae revealed.

“Ness, that’s way too much,” Jake breathed, stunned. If he could have anything, that would be it. Seeing them last week, so happy and moving forward made him want to be more involved in their lives. It was just difficult submerging himself in the past when he only got to see them in La Push. And the place was filled to the brim with unwelcome reminders.

“It’s from the whole family, not just me. But you haven’t gotten the chance to get to know your nephew. I wanted to give you something meaningful, and I know you don’t want to go to La Push -- so I’m bringing it to you,” she explained.

“You have,” he said, amazed at her thoughtfulness, and her ease at reading him even after months apart and only a few conversations.

The fact that she was so familiar with Billy as to make the arrangements damped his joy a touch. They’d remained closer than Jacob realized. A tendril of guilt wove through him, wrapping around various organs and insistently burrowing in like the root of a weed. Looked like Billy had had a point when he’d asked about her coming for Thomas’s birth. He should have known. Nessie was family, would always be family -- forever.

~

January

Thinking about Nessie and Billy stayed with him. Billy’s comments. Nessie’s insistence, but the little indescrepencies in her words. For three days, he thought of little else. Finally, he decided to just call and ask her point blank. Always, she’d been unflinchingly frank with him about what she wanted and needed from him. If there was a problem, she’d be honest. Particularly if he came out and asked her.

“Nessie?” he questioned anxiously when she answered. 

Her reply was a giggling, mock-serious, “Jacob?” uttered in an overly deep voice.

“Are you all right?” Jacob asked awkwardly, not really knowing how to put his worries into words.

“What do you mean?” she asked, dread making her voice quiet and slow.

“Are you happy? Should I have called and invited you when Thomas was born? Should I be in Alaska with you? Do you need me?” he rambled, vomiting out a number of his concerns. Worst case scenarios had been playing out in his mind since he was in Forks, and were amplified on his birthday.

“I’m happy. The only thing I need from you, is for you to live your life for yourself and not to worry about me. Stay in California. Have fun with Aiden,” she insisted, sounding almost relieved. Had he frightened her? Made her think something bad was happening with the sudden call?

“Renesmee --” he tried, needing to double, triple check. He’d be on the next plane if she asked.

“I mean it, Jacob,” she said, sounding every bit as stubborn as Bella always had when her mind was set.

“If that changes --”

“I have your number. If I thought we should be talking more, I’d call you,” she promised. “I don’t because you’re busy, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. We each have our own lives now. We can be friends without every moment revolving around the other -- save that for your soulmate.”

“Sure, sure,” he muttered. 

Yet even as she said all the right things, he was only slightly appeased. What if she was lying because she was trying to do the right thing for him? It’s what he would do if the situation was reversed.

~

April

Jake had taken to going for a hike every Sunday morning super early. During the hike, he would phase and run. He had no intention of ever giving up his wolf. Even after everything. Even when he hated what he was. Somehow he knew it wouldn’t always be this way for him. He just had to make it through to the other side.

Typically, he was the only one in wolf form when he did shift because of the time. This was deliberate on his part so no one else would be in his head. His head wasn’t a welcome place for his brothers and sister. They eagerly avoided him like this as much as he did them.

This morning, though, Seth was there. Immediately, he was bombarded with news.

 _You’re moving in with Alice?_ Jake asked, surprised by the piece of news. He’d suspected they were headed in that direction, but wow. Living together. That was pretty serious.

 _Yeah. Jake, man, we’re like together, together,_ Seth thought, awe for the little pixie clear in his every thought. And every thought he had seemed to involve her just then.

 _So it is possible,_ Jake thought, a little surprised that it was possible for natural enemies to be intimate, but some of the flashes he caught clearly demonstrated that they were. He’d never really believed vampires could have sex. He’d been caught off guard when introduced to the idea the first time at Bella’s wedding reception. Why would someone want to do that with a cold stone?

_Definitely. We spent a week locked in the Cullen place --_

Jacob saw Alice shirtless, Seth’s mouth kissing down her chest to tease a nipple on the sofa Jacob had sat on many times before -- and now never would again. Then a naked Alice, head thrown back as she undulated over Seth in one of the bedrooms, the sheets raked up around them.

 _Too many details, Seth,_ Jacob thought sternly, cutting the overeager pup off when his thoughts slipped to his latest adventures.

 _Sorry. I’m just so happy,_ Seth gushed, his elation infectious. _Alice picked me. She’s over a hundred years old, beyond beautiful, brilliant, fun. She could have anyone, wait for someone better to come along -- but she picked me. She wants to be with me forever. And it works -- on every level._

 _That’s really good,_ Jake thought, pleased for his packmate. If anyone deserved happiness, it was Seth.

He wondered what Leah thought of it… Would she really try things with the prudish bloodsucker? Somehow Jacob couldn’t picture him doing something as basic as sex. He was just too prim and proper. Though Nessie’s existence was evidence to the contrary.

Again, how could the idea of sex with something that cold and unfeeling --

_It’s not like that. It’s so intense. Passionate, fun. I’m strong enough that she doesn’t feel hard to me, just really firm. And between the speed, temperature changes and the friction --_

Another flash of Alice’s bare breast cupped in Seth’s hand, her nipple caught between his fingers popped up before his eyes.

_All right! I get it. You’re happy._

_You’re not though, are you?_ Seth thought, picking up on his sadness.

 _No. It’s not really any better. I miss him all the time, and I can’t stop blaming myself,_ Jacob admitted. It was almost the one year anniversary of Embry’s death. Next week. Some days were better than others, but this was definitely one of the bad ones. It’d been a long time since his thoughts were laid bare to his packmates like this. There were no secrets in the collective mind. 

_Have you tried talking about it with someone?_

_I can’t exactly talk to a shrink._

What better way to end up locked in a padded room than tell someone he was suffering PTSD because he watched his best friend, who happened to turn into a werewolf, get killed by a vampire. And now he was feeling guilty because he abused his alpha power. Plus he’d not been there to help because he was in another country with his half-vampire imprint. There was definitely nothing wrong with all of that. Nope. Nothing.

 _I was thinking Mae. She’d be there for you if you let her,_ Seth suggested. Jacob knew he wanted to add to that, but he was deliberately thinking of Alice to block the thoughts. He was seeing way too much, but he owed it to Seth to finish this conversation. _Just like you’ve been there for her._

 _She’s too young. I can’t bury her under the weight of my problems. She’ll feel responsible, and I don’t want to do that to her._ He could never put her in that position. None of it had been her fault.

_You’re not giving her enough credit. She’s not a little kid. And she probably wouldn’t mind unburdening on you too. Just because she’s not in danger doesn’t mean things don’t trouble her. Or are you still worried about what Sam said?_

_That’s definitely part of it. Space seems like the best plan, at least for now._

Maybe when she was a little older they could be friends like that. The kind that bared their souls to one another and were pillars for the other to lean on, but for now, he still felt the need to protect her too strongly for that.

 _Well, I’m here then,_ Seth offered. _We could talk more like this. I miss Embry too, and I understand the situation._

 _That’d be nice. Thanks, Seth,_ Jacob thought, hoping he’d get Alice out of his system enough before they shared a mind again so he wouldn’t have to watch the porno in the background while they talked.

 _I’ll work on it,_ Seth promised, already trying to think of one of their more platonic moments when they’d looked at constellations together -- fully clothed. _I know you’re not ready to come back to La Push. Don’t feel like you have to for me._

That’s right. His graduation party was coming up soon. Alice had sent him an invitation. It was a relief hearing he wasn’t expected to show up. Charlie and Sue’s wedding had been hard enough. Sam would surely be at Seth’s party, and he couldn’t handle that.

_Thanks. I’m proud of you, Seth. Good luck with Alice in Alaska._


	5. 5: Excited - Mae

Author’s Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think! 

I picture Maggie to look like Lola Flanery (with very loose red curls), since the actress is currently 15 -- actually the right age without looking significantly older like most actresses/models do, and in some of her photo shoot pics, she is truly beautiful. Plus she can look both innocent and fierce. 

The theme song for this chapter is _Wings_ by Birdy.

PS I’m not Stephenie Meyer, so I don’t own anything :(

~

Ch 5: Excited - Mae

Year 3 - 2008-2009

August

“Momma?” Mae said tentatively, hovering in the arched doorway opening into the family room. A more modern and boring house compared to the fairytale cottage she used to live in.

Every morning, one or both of her parents were waiting in the family room, ready to greet her for the day. Bella and Jasper tried to pretend they didn’t spend their nights entwined, loving each other every second she was asleep. She knew, because the moment she woke, shifting in bed, they’d separate, race to dress, and move to the common space where she’d find them a minute later when she emerged from her room. Did they not realize that she heard them? Or was this just to project a semblance of normalcy? A way to make her feel more like other children, despite the fact everything else in her childhood was different.

Mae was painfully aware that they couldn’t get enough of one another. She’d seen looks and caresses exchanged that made her burn with mortified embarrassment. Typically, they happened every couple hours, the two unable to help themselves. Then there were the times when Jazz’s emotions would slip free of his control -- he struggled to suppress the depth of his love for Bella. 

She didn’t begrudge them their happiness though. It was wonderful knowing they had one another like that. It just left her a little hollow and envious. The taunting glimpse of something so powerful, so consuming, so fulfilling, that was nowhere in reach for her. The preview of her potential future often resulted in her headlong rush to grow up faster so she could go ahead and find something similar.

“Renesmee, you’re up early,” Bella said, closing the book she’d only just picked up, and placing it on the end table, giving Mae her full attention. As always, Bella looked overjoyed to see her. It made this so much harder. Bella so clearly loved her. Mae hated that it wasn’t enough. She needed more -- something entirely for herself.

“Can I ask for something?” Mae requested quietly, moving to sit beside Bella. A wrinkle briefly creased Bella’s brow, but it smoothed out before she could ask what it was about.

“Of course, anything,” Bella said, taking Mae’s hand and pressing it to her cheek. Somehow she sensed Mae was afraid to ask. Using her gift always made it easier when she was struggling for words. 

But she wanted to talk to both parents at once, so she just showed Bella an image of Jazz, and aloud asked, “Papa? Will you come out here too?”

Jasper was there in an instant, moving easily to perch on the arm of the sofa beside Bella. The smile he gave Mae helped settle her nerves even without his gift. He’d always made her feel more confident. Maybe because he chose to love her. He’d not been obligated to, but he’d consciously decided to be her papa. It made her feel special. Worthy. To have such a battle hardened instrument of war so willingly vulnerable and open was a precious gift.

“What can we do for you?” he asked, golden gaze scanning her face. He really did resemble a lion with his wild blond waves messily surrounding his head and fierce golden eyes, a deeper topaz than usual. His were always just a touch more feral than the rest of the family’s. He’d probably take Bella hunting tonight, to keep Jazz from struggling or suffering when they started school in a couple days.

Her papa hunted more frequently than the others, closer to once a week than twice a month. Bella had suggested it back when they were in Guatemala, to make it easier on Jazz when they were in public. Mostly so she didn’t have to see him in pain as he abstained. He always managed to, but the struggle would often be written across his face if he went as long as Rosalie or Carlisle. It seemed to help. He and Bella had a particular fondness for hunting together. Afterwards was the only time Mae heard Bella giggle like a teenage girl, and Jasper smiled more freely after hunting too -- truly relaxed and carefree.

Mae preferred to hunt with her uncle Em. He was the most entertaining. It made up for the bland, mhew, that was animal blood.

“I want to start by saying I know how much you love me. This has nothing to do with that, but --”

“What has nothing to do with that?” Bella asked suspiciously.

“I need more. Something for me. Right now every day is the same. Everyone carves out a chunk of time to entertain me, then they go back to their partners like they’ve checked off an item on a todo list,” Mae explained, hating that she knew her words would hurt them. Knowing that’s not what they intended didn’t make it feel any less like that though.

“Mae, none of the family see it that way. They all love spending time with you. You’re a bright spot in our lives -- a miracle we cherish,” Jazz said at once, confirming her thoughts.

“I know, but I need… need… my own pursuit,” she insisted, not having any other words to explain the feeling plaguing her. Did she really have to wait another three years until she stopped aging before she was allowed to start living? Could she even make it that long without going insane or growing resentful?

Being locked up in the house day after day was making her stir crazy. Everyday was the same. There were never any surprises. She could predict the outcome of the day within moments of waking. The only diversity was betting against Em or Jazz on which sports team would win that day or when she played a new game someone developed. And even that was starting to blend together.

“You’re lonely,” Bella said, seeming to recognize something in her.

“Yes. I want to meet people. Get to know others outside the family,” Mae explained. Weren’t there studies on the importance of social interactions in child development? Mae was certain she’d seen some in Grandpa Carlisle’s office. She’d already read most of his medical journals.

“I’m sure Rose and Emmett would be willing to endure high school for another year or two if you wanted to try that,” Jasper offered, placing a hand on Bella’s arm to quiet the protests he no doubt sensed were coming. Trepidation filled the air. Jasper’s emotions -- free to acknowledge, but not influencing their own. When it was just the three of them, he didn’t try to mask or contain his emotions, letting them feel the inner workings of his mind, rather than hiding them and only using his gift to try and alter their natural feelings. “You’re still aging quickly, but with a little makeup and the right clothes, Alice could certainly make you seem younger for a least a little while.”

“If the others were there,” Bella said, slightly pained at the idea of her daughter going to school without her, but clearly not interested in returning herself before she had to. Besides, Bella was well on her way to earning her first college degree.

“I’d rather not, if it’s all the same. I’ve already read all the books that’ll get taught, and between you two and Grandpa Carlisle, I’ve already learned more than most high schoolers do,” Mae said delicately.

Jasper used to tell her stories of major events throughout history when she got sick of bedtime stories just after her first Christmas when they were traveling. He’d spend an hour or two spinning tales in his deep southern drawl, and conversing about the reasoning that inspired those events. It was something they’d continued to do long past the time she’d outgrown bedtime stories. Now the discussion was just a nightly ritual they shared.

“You have something else in mind already?” he asked, picking up on her increasing nerves.

“Grandpa Carlisle and Grandma Esme are visiting Siobhan’s coven next week. I’d really like to go with them. I want to meet others that I don’t have to hide what I am from. I want to be me and make friends,” Mae begged, grabbing one of each of her parent’s hands as she made her impassioned plea, using her gift to show them what it would mean to her.

This was the other reason why she’d rather not go to high school. The point of this was to have something for her. She didn’t want it to be a lie or based on secrets. Didn’t want to have to act more immature and less intelligent than she was just to fit in and make friends. Her peculiar nature meant she’d probably have a difficult time fitting in with a high school crowd unless she put on an act. With vampires, she could be herself -- a hybrid, yes, but at least part of them, and be true to her real personality.

Nahuel had said real vampires weren’t like the ones she’d known within her family. Mae was more curious than ever to see the differences up close for herself. She’d spent just a short time with him and his aunt that she’d not noticed any major differences.

“That’s actually not a bad idea,” Jasper said, wearing his calculating look that meant he was weighing the risks and evaluating any potential dangers.

“They’re going for two weeks?” Bella asked, the skin around her eyes tightening despite the stone texture. She struggled the most with Mae’s rapid development. Adjusting slower than the others. Probably because she was more central than them. She’d been the one to give birth to Mae, sacrificing her human life to do so. 

Mae felt guilty for robbing Bella of the chance to have a real, traditional opportunity to raise her daughter. She’d barely had a chance to be a mother before Mae was practically grown. And now her baby was already trying to leave the nest and spread her wings.

But at least Bella had survived, unlike Nahuel’s mother. Mae wouldn’t know how to cope if she’d been responsible, however inadvertently or unintentionally, to Bella’s demise.

“I’d be able to see Ireland, and meet Maggie. She’s fifteen, well she was when she was turned -- close-ish to my age,” Mae added excitedly.

That was the other major draw. Ever since she’d heard Grandma Esme mention Maggie, Mae had been dying to meet her. Finally someone near her age that she could potentially relate to. Someone she wasn’t related to and wouldn’t see her as a child, the eternal baby of the family.

“I’m sure they’d love to have you with them,” Jazz finally said, after studying Bella for a full minute. The two locked in a staring match, silently communicating in a language known only to them. Always they were able to anticipate the other’s needs and make decisions based on the other. 

“I didn’t think it would happen so soon,” Bella eventually said softly, cupping Mae’s cheek. The cold stone of her altered skin conformed around her, soaking up her heat, though it remained noticeably cooler.

“She’ll always be our little girl,” Jazz assured her, kissing Bella’s temple and winking conspiratorially at Mae.

“I can really go?” Mae said, realizing they’d actually agreed. Before, she’d not allowed herself to dare hope. She jumped up, dancing excitedly around the room. “Thank you so much!”

~

August

Ireland was beautiful. Lush green and rocky with dense, mysterious fog every morning that looked straight out of a movie or somehow man made just for an eerie effect. Esme showed her around Dublin, walking along the river and crossing Ha’penny Bridge to see historic buildings and the Book of Kells, then shopping for souvenirs for the family. In the afternoon, they visited Malahide Castle a little outside the city. The library had been her favorite room. She could picture her momma having a field day there with all the ancient tombs; her papa devouring the history of the place right alongside her.

Siobhan’s coven lived in Killarney primarily, so they toured the Ring of Kerry, Dingle Peninsula, and the Blarney Castle and Gardens with the other vampires. They saw fairy rings, castle ruins, Ogham stones, and beehive huts. One day they even ventured all the way north into Northern Ireland to walk the Giant’s Causeway and hear the legends of how it formed, detouring to the Cliffs of Moher on the way home, and arriving just in time to watch the sunset over the water. Carlisle had driven while she slept in the car on the way north in the morning in order to fit it all in. Vampire driving helped make it possible too.

Knowing this trip was for a finite amount of time, and that her family wasn’t in danger back home made the trip much more enjoyable than her previous adventures. Mae relaxed and enjoyed sightseeing with her grandparents, shopping with Esme, and learning the history from Carlisle. He always had little tidbits to add that weren’t recorded in any history books, but that he’d experienced for himself on his previous visits.

When Mae finally met Maggie, it was to discover that she was nothing like what Mae expected. Her Auntie Alice was on a teen movie kick this last summer, and Mae had sort of expected Maggie to be like those teenage girls. Bubbly, frivolous, wrapped up in inconsequential drama, rebellious. She wasn’t. At all.

Maggie was beautiful. Regal. With deep red curls that glistened like the heart of a ruby, and delicate, sprite-like features and a cinnamon dusting of freckles. She reminded Mae of a fairy princess. Yet somehow, despite being a vampire, she still possessed an air of innocence because of her youth and sincerity. She was every bit as beautiful as Rosalie, but in such a vastly different way that made it laughable to compare the two. 

She’d been the daughter of a wealthy Englishman, though she’d been raised in Ireland. It was actually one of the reasons Liam and Siobhan had selected her to join their coven -- to punish her father for his part in perpetuating the tension and struggles between England and Ireland. He’d not been a very good man. Losing his precious heir, a bargaining chip to forge a powerful political alliance, had been a devastating blow for him.

The young vampire’s bearing actually reminded Mae of Edward. So formal and proper. Possibly, she was the most mature and serious fifteen-year-old in existence. Though Maggie displayed moments where she could be every bit as bold and brash as her other coven members. Particularly if she caught someone in a lie, or even a half-truth. Immediately, she’d call the person out, announcing to all that they’d been untruthful. Kind of like how Leah could be, though Maggie was even more accurate. 

Despite that, Maggie was never cruel. She lacked the brutality and dangerous quality that the other members of her coven possessed. A nice vampire -- like Mae’s family, but one that drank human blood… how unusual... 

She was also insightful, wise, and unflinchingly frank. Her gift demanded it. Truth was her gift. Maggie always knew when someone was lying. It caused her to experience a flash of immense pain whenever someone spoke a falsehood in her presence. 

Mae might have been slightly disappointed that they didn’t instantly bond, and probably wouldn’t ever become bffs like the girls in the movies, but they did part as casual friends, with the promise of staying in touch. Spending more time together in the future was an appealing idea. 

Fairly early on in the trip they discover a shared love of music. Esme was bragging about Mae’s talents when Maggie tentatively revealed her own accomplishments. Maggie had a true passion for music, having mastered multiple instruments, though she was modest about her expertises, including those begun before her transformation. Once the revelation was made, they spent hours each day playing together. 

It intrigued Mae when she learned her new friend didn’t compose any music herself. Maggie swore that immortality limited a person’s ability to be creative.

“No it doesn’t. My dad composes for the piano all the time,” Mae argued one afternoon.

“It probably lacks the depth and range of Bach or Chopin,” Maggie said dismissively.

“If you heard it, you’d be forced to eat your words,” Mae claimed, remembering one song that had left her in tears. He’d said it was about Bella when she’d still been human and how her death had been inevitable because of him.

“Impossible. Our kind are stone,” she paused to rap a fist against her arm, “literally. We aren’t capable of feeling enough to make the songs meaningful. How can a vampire express an emotion they are forbidden from feeling? We’ll never feel the highs and lows a human is able to obtain. With countless days stretching out before a person, one isn’t capable of reaching true satisfaction or able to feel alive after enduring the endless struggle to survive that humans experience. It just isn’t in our nature.”

“My family feels. We understand heartbreak, loss, love, hope -- everything,” Mae insisted, getting frustrated.

“You’re very young, give ennui time to dig its claws into you,” Maggie warned, though upon noting Mae’s mutinous expression, allowed, “Siobhan has told me of your diet. Perhaps that alters you,” then repeated, “but if everything is infinit, how can a person truly appreciate anything? How can their life have purpose?”

It was an interesting question. Mae too, was immortal. Was that her problem? Life was boring because there was nothing forcing her to go out and embrace living. Time, once her enemy, was actually keeping her from fully living now.

Ennui. Now she finally had a name for the feeling slowly consuming her. She’d not recognized it until Maggie pointed it out.

And were all vampires like Maggie? Was her family really that different? Was it actually because they only fed from animals, and didn’t kill indiscriminately? Would Maggie view music differently if she tried a different diet? Would she ever want to try, the way Garrett had? So many questions.

“I guess you’ll just have to hear him play for yourself one day,” Mae murmured, still pondering what Maggie had said. She’d be curious to see if her opinion changed after hearing Edward play. That’d be easier than convincing Maggie to alter her lifestyle.

The other lingering interesting conversation the two girls had was about Mae’s gift the day before they were set to leave.

“Can you lie with your gift? Or use it as an offensive weapon?” Mae inquired, tilting her head like a bird inspecting a seed and debating if it was worth leaving the safety of it’s perch in a tree to eat it.

“What do you mean, lie with it? I show my thoughts and emotions -- it’s not a weapon,” Mae reminded her. It wasn’t like her thoughts could lie.

“Can you show someone something that’s never happened, but do it is such a way that they’d think it had? Maybe try to scare someone,” Mae elaborated, clearly intrigued by the idea.

“I’ve never tried. I usually only use it when I’m confused or scared, and I can’t find the words to relay the feelings,” Mae said, wondering what the point would be. Would it just be the same as showing a desire?

“Try,” Maggie insisted, coming over to sit beside her on the loveseat. “Something innocuous for now. You can work up to turning it into a weapon.”

“Try to lie to you? But --”

“I heard Carlisle talking to Siobhan. You’re a hot commodity. It could come in useful someday,” Maggie explained, letting Mae in on a secret.

“No one is coming after me -- dad made sure,” Mae said, swallowing thickly. The idea of going through that again with the Volturi made her uneasy.

“I know you’ve heard the party line about why Siobhan turned me. But that’s not the full story. The real reason was because she wanted someone gifted— like how the Guard is -- was -- sort of is again? Anyways, she knew I would be. The Volturi intrigue her, so they are often mentioned here. They may have given up on you for now, but someday… centuries from now, possibly, that could change. It doesn’t hurt to be prepared.” Mae didn’t want to consider the possibility. But anything could happen in centuries. “In the meantime, you could still use it for other things, and --”

“I wouldn’t think you’d approve of something deceitful and manipulative,” Mae interrupted, knowing how opposed Maggie was to lying, or anything immoral really -- aside from drinking human blood. The attempt seemed to mortally wound her. Mae wondered if it was because of all the deceptions her father was involved in when he’d been alive, and how Maggie had been forced to live while under his roof.

“I don’t. But how do you expect to ever understand yourself fully if you don’t learn the extent of what you’re capable of,” Maggie said bluntly. “Good and bad, strengths and weaknesses. It’s all a part of you.”

It reminded her of Leah. Maggie was a lot like the female wolf. Always willing to speak uncomfortable or difficult truths, and laying everything out in the open so a person was forced to confront it -- whether they wanted to or not. 

“So how do I do this?”

“I said start easy. You don’t know how to think of something you wish was true?” Maggie asked dryly.

“Of course I do,” Mae said, rolling her eyes, and grumbling at the caustic words, adding, “but I hope this hurts you if it works.” She didn’t mean the words, inflicting pain on others went against her person, but Maggie provoked her with her slightly condescending attitude.

The first thought that came to mind was trying to be more convincing about enjoying Billy’s chocolate cake. He’d made it from scratch for her during the first couple of visits she’d made to La Push after moving to Alaska, and Rachel had commented that it was a family recipe from her mom, Sarah. The fact that he made it for her showed how much Billy cared for her, because typically, he only made it for Rachel, Rebecca, and Jake’s birthdays. He’d not made it again after her third visit since he could tell she didn’t truly enjoy it, even if she did force herself to eat two slices each time just to show her appreciation of his efforts.

“All I got was that you wanted some cake or that you wished you liked it more,” Maggie said, brow wrinkling. “Try again.”

Mae showed her the cake again, this time showing herself smiling as she ate a bite.

“Better?”

“No,” Maggie shot down.

“Guess reality will always show through,” Mae said, shrugging.

“One more time. Try something different -- show me what you most wish would happen right now, and make me believe that it just has,” Maggie coaxed. She hesitated, then seeming to come to a conclusion, added, “Carlisle sounded worried. In over a century of knowing him, I’ve never seen him like that. Vampires should be able to use their gifts as a means of protection if possible. And I quite like you. I’d hate for something to happen when you could have helped yourself.”

Maggie’s words surprised her. Both her admission of fondness and about Carlisle’s concern. Edward had assured her there was no reason to worry, he’d read Aro’s mind and was certain. Was it really possible that someday that would change? Or could a new threat emerge? Eternity was a very long time. Mae supposed anything was possible. Particularly when the bored and powerful were involved.

Her family had never really deprived her of anything, so she rarely wanted for anything. The only thing that came to mind that she didn’t already have, was Jacob.

Carefully, she thought of him, picturing every detail of his face, the breath of his shoulders, the way his silky, tousled hair would fall into his eyes, the low shorts forever slipping down his narrow waist. The easy grin and half-hooded eyes since he skipped sleeping a full night far too often.

Did he even still look the same? It’d been so long since she last saw him.

She placed her hand on Maggie’s cheek and showed her Jacob entering the room and Mae’s desire for Maggie to introduce herself to the newcomer.

“Interesting. Who was that?”

“An old friend.” 

Maggie sucked in a breath, but didn’t comment. Because it was the truth, though it somehow bordered on a lie?

“It was too fuzzy around the edges to believe, but with a little practice… “

She’d never considered trying to be strong like her papa, but maybe she could be someday. To use her gift to fight, or actually fight. Then she really wouldn’t need a wolf protector, and Jake could choose if he wanted to be part of her life someday instead of feeling obligated. Edward had suggested that she eventually learn to fight. Should she try? Would her family even be willing to train her? Somehow she doubted it.

~

September

“Hi, Dad,” Mae greeted. Edward had finally returned from his sentence in Italy late the night before, after she’d already fallen asleep, and just a few days before her birthday. The family was celebrating it as though she were turning fifteen this September. Every human year was equivalent to two for her at this point. His presence was a gift in and of itself.

He came over first thing in the morning with a very worn out looking Leah, which amused Mae because he traded off who he was staring at, going back and forth between Mae and Leah. Engrossed. He was mesmerized by the two, though in very different ways.

“Renesmee,” he breathed, stepping up and pulling her into a hug. She fought tears.

“I missed you, Dad,” she sobbed, giving in to the pressure building behind her eyes, the warm wetness spilling out to slip stealthily down her cheeks in steady tracks.

“I’ve missed you too,” he said roughly, holding her tightly. After her sobs quieted, he pulled back slightly, gently wiping the drying salt water from her face with his thumbs as his palms cupped her cheeks. “You look just like your mother.”

“You already knew that,” Mae teased, going for lighthearted.

“My memory played tricks on me. I thought I’d imagined it.”

“Right,” she said, breaking away now that her emotions were more under control. Edward stepped back, so he was beside Leah.

Mae watched as her father shifted awkwardly next to the female wolf. Had he always been such a prude? How on earth had he and Bella ever even gotten together?

 _You have a daughter. It’s not like you’re totally innocent. Hold her hand at least,_ Mae thought, directing the command internally to Edward, and adding a pointed look to prod him along.

“Renesmee,” Edward scolded, scowling darkly in her direction. 

Oh, scary, Mae thought, mock shuttering.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Leah muttered and yanked Edward’s arm to turn him to face her. He was momentarily shocked that she was actually strong enough to manage it. The second he faced her though, she kissed him, holding on when he went to move away, trying to keep the kiss from deepening.

Leah and Mae had already had a long talk about this. Mae was all for her brash aunt falling in love with her dad now that she was used to the idea. They both deserved to be happy. She was excited they already had gotten started from the sound, and sight, of things. But Leah had warned her that while she had developed strong, deep feelings for Edward, it would only be a temporary relationship. A few years at most. It wouldn’t be like the other couples Mae knew. 

Leah wanted a family someday. Children of her own. She wanted to grow old, live a natural human life. One that did not include a seventeen-year-old partner or husband caring for her in her twilight years. Mae respected her decision, even appreciated that Leah took the time to explain like Mae could actually understand, despite never having faced a similar situation. Particularly by the time they’d finished talking.

The day they’d had that talk, Mae had learned a little more about how Bella came to be pregnant with her. By the time they’d finished talking, Mae understood that Edward would never put himself in a position again where he could potentially harm a human that way -- not again. 

Love, romantic love, had mystified Mae up until that point. It was such an abstract emotion. Television and movies made it seem like people fell in and out of love on a near daily basis. But it wasn’t like that for her family. She saw them. Eternally devoted to a single person. The discrepancy and lack of other real life experience made for contradictions that frustrated Mae.

Leah said it was more complicated than all of that. Love was a sliding scale according to Leah. People fell in love for different reasons and felt it to varying degrees.

Mae thought she understood how two people could fall in love even when it wasn’t an eternal type of love now. Sometimes love served different purposes. It could heal old wounds. It could help a person grow and learn about themselves. It could provide comfort and companionship. It could be a completion of oneself, a finding of a vital missing piece. 

If Edward could find any measure of happiness with Leah, in any of those ways, then Mae was completely supportive of their choice to be together. Even if it turned out to be nothing more than a blink in her life.

The final thought had Edward ending the kiss with a relieved, though heavy, sigh. He rested his forehead against Leah’s even as he shook his head at her incorrigible behavior. He needed to lighten up more. Hopefully Leah would help with that.

“You had a good time in Ireland? We haven’t had a chance to talk about it,” Edward asked, turning to look at her again. She’d only been home four days, and Edward had been busy wrapping things up so he could be home in time for her birthday.

“It was a welcome diversion. I’m excited about the other trips with the family too,” Mae said, already thinking about the next one. Emmett was plotting something epic, she could tell. And it wasn’t like she had anything to look forward to around here while she waited other than getting to know her father better.

Jasper had begged off teaching her to fight until she’d fully frozen into her immortality, citing his death at Bella’s hands if he attempted to teach her sooner. But that was all right. She didn’t mind waiting a couple years before learning to defend herself and take someone on.

“Yes. It’ll be nice to show you a bit of the world. Give you something to look forward to,” he said, making it clear he was reading her mind, and concerned over what he’d detected. Nosy. At least Jazz pretended to give her space and waited for her to come to him. 

To be fair, Jazz had more practice at being her papa.

“Is Aunt Leah coming with us over spring break?” Mae asked innocently, turning the tables on her father. His lips twitched, amused at her actions.

They were planning to visit Nahuel and the Amazons in South America during her parent’s spring break this year.

“Would you like to?” he asked Leah. She was attending the same college as Jazz, Bella, and Seth, so they all had the same spring break, and she’d be free to join them.

“It’s a family matter. I wouldn’t want to intrude,” she said, shooting daggers at Mae for making the impromptu suggestion.

“You’re my aunt through marriage, so it does involve you. Besides, you two have wasted enough time apart. Wouldn’t you agree?” Mae asked, trying to persuade Leah because she honestly did want them to be happy -- especially if there was a timer running and an expiration date. It didn’t hurt that focusing on them also redirected Edward’s attention away from her.

“I’d like it if you’d come,” Edward admitted frankly.

“All right,” Leah whispered, seeming undone by the simple words.

“Perfect!” Mae cheered. “What would you like to do today?”

“Just be with the family. If that’s all right. I’ve missed everyone,” her dad said sheepishly.

“Can we play baseball? Maybe get Tanya, Kate, Garrett, Eleazar, and Carmen to play too. We could have teams of eight each if everyone plays,” Mae suggested, bouncing on her toes. They’d not done anything as an entire family since moving here. She’d thought that was the point of them coming to Alaska, but so far no one had seemed up to it. Too consumed with mourning Irina.

“It has been a while since we played. Not since Bella was human,” Edward agreed, nodding. She’d heard the family used to play all the time. That’s where the idea for baseball in particular had come from. But Bella had played with them while human? Impossible.

“I thought Em said Momma was clumsy. How’d she play with you guys as a human? Wasn’t she too slow?”

“Long story,” Edward deflected. That was going to have to stop. Immediately. Mae wasn’t as easily deterred as he was probably used to from other people. Both of her parents were stubborn, and the streak was magnified in her. He continued to ignore her, glancing at Leah to ask, “You up for it?”

“Only if we’re on opposite teams,” she replied, grinning wolfishly.

 _Still waiting,_ Mae thought, prodding Edward.

“Why don’t you text everyone, and I’ll tell you about your mom while we wait for everyone to arrive,” Edward said, giving in gracelessly as he sighed heavily.

“Really?” Mae asked eagerly, throwing her arms around her father to hug him.

“Yes, Renesmee. I’ll tell you the whole gruesome tale,” he said sadly, meeting Leah’s eye. Leah nodded then went about sending the texts on Mae’s behalf, knowing no one would refuse if they thought the invitation was from the youngest of them. She was too irresistible for any of them to deny.

“Gruesome? What happened? Did a ball accidentally hit her?” Mae demanded.

No one ever liked to talk about when Bella had been with Edward. Out of respect for Jazz or because it wasn’t their story, she didn’t know. And Bella always just claimed she couldn’t remember well enough.

The story, once Edward finally got the whole of it out, fascinated Mae. Every detail of it from James tracking Bella, to her fleeing Forks with Jasper and Alice of all people, to the fight in the ballet studio. She’d have expected Emmett or Jacob to go with her momma if she needed protection back before her papa was with Bella. One detail stood out among all the rest though.

“Papa fell for Momma’s trick?”

“He didn’t know her as well then,” Edward said wryly. Then he winced and whispered, “My fault in keeping them apart.”

It reminded Mae of her conversation with Leah on love in all its various forms. It really was a complicated emotion. Complex. Intricate. Mae couldn’t wait to fall in love herself.

The game was perfect, despite her team losing. It was the most fun she’d had since moving to Alaska. They spent hours playing, inning after inning, and only calling it when Leah started yawning. Guess she hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before thanks to her reunion with Edward.

It had been amusing to witness his discomfort each and every time she publicly kissed him. Jazz and Em had taken turns razzing him, neither censoring themselves even with her there. It was perhaps the first time she’d felt like one of them instead of just part of the family. 

It was an important distinction.

Later that night, the Cullens and Leah were gathered in the living room of Carlisle and Esme’s house shortly before bed when Mae saw that she’d gotten a text from Nahuel. She was very pleased to hear from him. They’d continued --

“You’ve been messaging Nahuel?” Edward demanded, interrupting her as she typed out her response to his inquiry about how reuniting with Edward had gone, clearly worried about her. Her dad must have heard his name in her head. “Yes. Frequently,” he said in answer to a silent question she knew Leah had asked when he looked at the woman seated beside him.

Leah looked unexpectedly troubled by the news. What was that about?

“You’ve been texting Nahuel?” Jazz repeated slowly, pinning Mae with a chilling look that shocked her. Was he upset with her? She’d not done anything wrong by talking to her friend, had she?

“She has -- wait, you have?” Bella asked, head whipping towards her and confusion wrinkling her forehead, so little ridges formed in the smooth stone surface.

“Yes,” Mae said hesitantly, not understanding why everyone was overreacting. Alice had told them she’d given Nahuel her number and explained how to use it. She was there when her aunt relayed the information.

Jasper tensed, shifting his eyes to Edward, then back to Mae. “When?” Jasper asked quietly. There was a chilling seriousness about him that was nearly intimidating. Only her familiarity with him kept her from shivering involuntarily.

“All the time apparently,” Edward said, frowning in concentration. Was he trying to rifle through her thoughts? All he had to do was ask, and she’d tell him about their conversations. His eyes shot up, looking at her expectantly, as if demanding that she do just that.

Frustrated, she launched her phone at him. If he was going to be like that, he could just read the texts himself. So much for missing him. He already had a direct line to her thoughts, and now he wanted to invade her privacy even more -- less than a day after returning? 

Edward just nodded, and said, “It’s a father’s duty. Charlie was just as bad with Bella.”

Considering the frequency with which she mentioned Nahuel, why were they surprised that she was talking to him on a fairly regular basis?

Bella snorted at his words, then more troubled, said, “I thought you were texting Jacob.”

“He’s busy with school. I don’t want to bother him,” Mae said vaguely. She’d tried making idle chit chat that way, but it usually took days for him to reply, and more often than not it was only with an emoji that she couldn’t seem to interpret. Or maybe she was just trying to read too much into them and assign them meaning they didn’t possess.

Edward’s head shot up, briefly abandoning his quest to scroll through the entirety of her ongoing conversation with Nahuel. He looked ready to comment, but pursed his lips together instead, returning to the lit screen of her phone.

“Like it would,” Leah muttered, almost defensively on Jacob’s behalf. She may be part of his pack, but Mae doubted she understood the distance that had cropped up between Mae and the wolf that had once imprinted on her.

“She’s right,” Bella insisted, like she knew her friend. Except they’d grown apart so much these last few years.

“It’s not like you talk to him either,” Mae accused, recalling the strange, almost irony in Jake’s voice when he mentioned it a few months ago.

“We talk every… “ Bella trailed off, face scrunching up as she calculated the frequency of their conversations since Jacob moved away. Mae bet the total didn’t even reach double digits.

“Only every few months,” Jazz supplied, slipping an arm around his mate’s waist.

Her papa seemed much more relaxed as he took in the way Edward had calmed as well. What had they expected? It wasn’t like she and Nahuel talked about world domination. It was just life as a hybrid, and the strange dynamics of their respective families. A little about weather every now and then. All very exciting, surely.

“So you’re talking to Nahuel instead?” Bella clarified, still looking perplexed. Jazz tugged her closer, kissing her cheek and nuzzling her ear until she relaxed. A dreamy acceptance filled the room.

“Yes,” Mae confirmed, accepting the phone Edward walked over to her.

“Maybe we shouldn’t wait until next spring to visit him,” Edward suggested, picking up on something Jazz thought privately to him.

“Fall break is just around the corner,” Jazz said with false casualness.

Mae had no intention of arguing. She’d much rather see Nahuel sooner than later. Maybe her family would all calm down once they met him for themselves.

~

September

The brown package was waiting just outside her bedroom door when she woke. Bella must have left it for her to find that morning. The return label read Jacob Black, and that was enough to have her scooping it up and darting back into her room. Eagerly, she sliced the tape open with a fingernail and pulled her birthday present out. It had been carefully engulfed in about twenty sheets of bubble wrap. The items contained, only a fraction the size of the box housing it.

When the last piece came off, she saw that it was a camera. An old one. Like from the fifties. The word Ikoflex was printed across the top in bold white letters. There were two glass lenses on the front of the black rectangular box, and a knob on the side that was turned in order to take a picture. The top opened, and you had to look down into it to see what you were taking a picture of.

It was incredible. She’d have never thought to get a camera for herself. Not with her gift, but there were times it would be nice to actually look at a memory instead of just letting it play out inside her head. Or be able to share it without having to touch someone.

“Where did you find it?” she asked the second Jacob answered the phone.

“You got it then -- good. I was worried it would break,” he said happily.

“Yeah. That was a lot of bubble wrap. I think I could have run over it in a car and it would have been fine,” she chuckled. “But where did you find it?” she asked, repeating her question. 

“Vintage shop. I restored it myself. It reminded me of your gift,” he said, unconsciously echoing her earlier thoughts. “They say a picture can say a thousand words. Your gift always managed to, so I thought you could try to do the same with a photograph. I figured you’d prefer a camera with character more than a shiny new one. Something new to try.”

How had he known she was bored?

Perhaps she could take photographs of things she would otherwise use her gift to show. Capture moments in film that expressed her thoughts. A new hobby. A diversion to engross herself in. An outlet for her emotions -- the way music was for Edward.

“Jacob… It’s perfect,” Mae said honestly, the words catching in her throat. How was it that even when he wasn’t around, he understood her?

“You’ll send me one?” he requested, surprising her.

“Only if you promise to decode it,” she challenged, wondering if this might be a way for them to truly become friends again. Probably not considering the physical distance that still remained, but it’d still be a nice way to connect. She could share the trips the family was taking her on with him. There wasn’t much else happening in her life to send him.

“You’re on,” he agreed readily.

~

October

A week wasn’t long enough to travel to South America. Not when they were coming from Alaska. Nearly four of their seven days were wasted at the airport. Layovers sucked. Never again would she make that mistake.

Meeting the Amazons had been thrilling, though. Definitely worth the detour and the day trip to where Alice predicted they’d be the morning they’d arrived. She’d not been able to see them any sooner than that given their unpredictable natures. 

They weren’t like anyone Mae had ever met before. Wild. Free. Other. Zafrina, in particular, was incredible. They spent hours trading pictures. Mae told her about Maggie’s suggestion, and she helped her learn how to make the little details clearer so the false images were more believable.

It was something that she would need significantly more practice with, but it might be a fun diversion and something she could improve on over the coming years.

The next day, they took a short flight into Santiago where Nahuel had agreed to meet them before they ventured into the mountains to camp overnight.

Preventing her eyes from rolling would have been an impossible task as she watched first Edward, then Jasper relax within a couple minutes of meeting Nahuel. Seriously, what had they expected? He was a nice guy, not some evil masterminding villain. 

Had they thought he was trying to seduce her? Never once had he even implied he might someday be interested in her like that. Which was honestly a shame, because he was super attractive and just like her, so she couldn’t help but hope someday that would change for him. Certainly he wasn’t interested in her right now. Always, he was a perfect gentleman. 

If anyone could suss out untoward advances, it would be her fathers though. They had it covered -- mentally and emotionally. Almost as one, the overprotective men in her life came to the same conclusion, agreeing that he was harmless. Perhaps not harmless, but definitely not a creep. Nahuel had never been inappropriate with her -- just provided an outlet and source of strength to lean on when needed.

Later when they had a little more privacy, with only Bella and Leah close by since her dads were out hunting together, he commented, “You have an unusual family.”

“Tell me about it,” Mae agreed, chuckling freely.

“They love you deeply,” he stated matter-of-factly.

“Picked up on that?” she commented dryly, almost sarcastically, before she noted his serious expression. Nahuel was frowning as he watched Bella.

“They wish to protect you and keep you safe,” he said knowingly. “I could not find fault in that.”

Nahuel looked like he wanted to say more. His lips parted, and a crease formed on his forehead between his eyes. In the end, he left it at that. Could it have been a desire for the same? He’d said as much often enough. Or was he once again going to give her a hard time for being so cosetted. Either direction was as likely as the other.

“Can I take your picture?” Mae asked suddenly. She really wanted to capture this moment of indecisiveness on his part. It fit so well with how she pictured him in her mind anytime Huilen was discussed.

The initial moment she wished to capture vanished, replaced with a sincere curiosity as he detected her surge of enthusiasm. She wouldn’t mind having a record of this either. There were so many facets to him. She could spend years uncovering them and not get bored. 

“New hobby?” he asked.

“Sort of. I got the camera last month,” she admitted, not wanting him to ask to see anything yet, and bear witness to the fact she was still a novice with no clue what she was doing. Jacob was the only one outside of her family she felt comfortable exposing herself like that too. What if she sucked? It would gut her to find out she didn’t possess a lick of talent before she’d found her way in the new pursuit. “Still figuring it out.”

“You enjoy it,” he said, almost tasting the air as he spoke and watched her, much like Jazz did when sussing out someone’s mood.

“That obvious?” she asked, surprised. She’d thought she’d hid the fact fairly well.

“You have a very open and expressive face. You may take as many pictures of me as you desire,” he agreed.

Mae watched him through her lens for several moments. He was smiling directly at the camera as if waiting for a school picture to be taken. It was stiff and forced. “Act natural,” she commanded.

Another few moments passed before he glanced away, relaxing fractionally. Still, Mae hesitated, wanting to capture the perfect feeling depicted on his face. Then she saw it. Nahuel’s gaze had inevitably landed on Bella, as it so often did. Mae saw every bit of his longing and wonder. All of his grief and regret. She snapped the picture, freezing the warring emotions into what would become an eternal prison of a four-by-six inch square of paper and color.

“Were you successful?” he asked, turning back to her when the sounds of the camera stopped. She gave him a questioning look at the words. “You were attempting to capture more than just my image. Did you?”

“I guess we’ll see when I get home. My Grandma is going to teach me how to develop the film,” she announced, amazed he’d understood what she’d been attempting. 

Working with real film instead of a data card and a screen that offered a preview of the final product was so much more challenging. But it was one she thrilled over. She had to be more careful and patient in order to capture the elusive moments in one of her limited attempts.

“What do you see when you look at her?” he asked, nodding back at Bella.

That was easy. “Love,” she said simply.

Bella never pushed or pried, instead she was just always there, supportive and loving. Mae knew there were no lengths her momma wouldn’t go to in order to protect her or provide her with her heart’s desire.

“What do you see?” she wondered, remembering the array of diverse feelings she’d noted earlier. 

“What might have been,” Nahuel said thickly. The soft words were starkly barren yet full of wondrous, unexpected beauty, like a petrified forest.

For the first time, Mae realized Nahuel was truly broken. Not just damaged. The manner he’d come into the world, and the resulting aftermath, had left permanent scars on his psyche. Loss and a lack of love to fill the void when he’d been an impressionable child had inflicted undeniable damage. A desire to offer him more, to help him sprang to life inside her, like a natural spring trickling through the woods. It was small for now, but the potential was there for it to become a roaring, cascading waterfall.

Over one hundred and fifty. He’d been damaged for such a long time. And she could fix him. Someday, when she was ready, Mae could show him the love that had been missing from his life thus far. He’d certainly welcome it, though he’d never revealed a hint of that potential acceptance. Not now, but one day. One day she’d try to help him.

He seemed to pick up on the shift within her, and he nodded to woods, enticing her to slip away with him. She hesitated, knowing she wasn’t supposed to go anywhere, especially not without letting Bella and Leah know, but the two women were deep in conversation, whispering heatedly to one another. Leah’s expressive hand gestures indicated they were arguing. And the temptation Nahuel presented was irresistible.

Nodding slowly, she followed after the dark-skinned man.

They ran for miles. Bella didn’t follow, letting her have an adventure, or missing her departure as she was consumed with whatever was happening with Leah. 

Her newest aunt had been tense ever since they met the Amazons. Being around true blood drinkers did not sit well with her. And it had only gotten worse after meeting Nahuel. Perhaps inviting her to come along had been a mistake. Edward had been troubled all morning -- and not about Nahuel. It was why Jazz had taken his brother hunting.

Abruptly, Nahuel came to a stop in the middle of the woods. There was nothing distinctly different about this area than any of the others they’d traveled through, so she didn’t understand why this could be their destination. Why had he brought her here? 

Nahuel grinned at her, then demanded, “Scream.”

“What? Why would I do that?” she asked, confused, even as he laughed lightly. It was so random and strange.

“It feels good -- no one is around. Try it,” he coaxed, grinning widely.

“You’re crazy,” Mae said, though a giggle escaped as she watched him throw his arms wide, and tilt his head back to peek through the canopy towards the blue sky just barely visible.

He screamed, a loud roar filled to overflowing with emotion. On and on the bellow continued, rending through the peace blanketing the forest. Finally, he broke off to watch her expectantly. 

What the hell, why not? She screamed, a rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins, sizzling and electrifying her. She felt… there weren’t words. It wasn’t just a rush, but a release. Her cry ended on a self-conscious laugh.

“What was that? Why --” she laughed more freely, unable to articulate her thoughts as she shook her head at him.

Nahuel’s grin widened, and Mae spun in a giddy circle. Each of them tried it again. Even louder and this time together. Absently, she hoped they were far enough away that the sounds wouldn’t carry to her family and alarm them. Maybe that was why he’d chosen this particular spot to do this.

“I can’t believe I just did that,” Mae gasped, breathless and light. Her body felt as if it were made of bubbles.

“How do you feel now?” he asked, happier than she’d ever seen him before.

Carefully, she thought it over. Screaming in the middle of nowhere, for no obvious reason, was crazy. But she didn’t feel insane. Finally, she admitted, “Liberated. Alive.” It felt like waking up, and she’d been asleep for a very long while now.

Was it enough?

“You’re going to have an extraordinary life, Renesmee. I am grateful to be a part of it.” The words were unexpected, and she didn’t know precisely what he meant by them, but he’d already turned to head back before the last word was out.

By the time they left the next night, Bella truly liked Nahuel. Jasper was neutral, unsurprisingly. It was the best she could hope for from a father that knew his teenage daughter may be interested in the guy as a man. Leah despised him for drinking human blood. She couldn’t get past it, and wasn’t willing to try. It seemed like there was more to it though, because she hadn’t hated the Amazons as powerfully, but Mae didn’t really understand what her aunt was thinking. Edward thought he was all wrong for Mae to have a crush on, as he put it at the airport, and made that pretty clear repeatedly on the journey home. 

It sucked that her parents’ gifts made it possible to know her feelings without her revealing them. It wasn’t as though she’d planned to develop a crush on Nahuel. It’d just happened. He was attractive, and he didn’t treat her like a freak or a baby. He was one of the few guys she’d ever met that was eligible. And the idea of taking on the challenge, and being the one to heal him was so tempting. 

Edward had nothing against Nahuel personally, but as he heard her thoughts, he said, “It’s not your responsibility to help him. It would be a mistake to ever consider involving yourself with him romantically.” 

_Mistakes can result in good things,_ she thought in response as they traveled home.

“Not all produce you,” Edward said quietly, kissing the top of her head.

~

January 

Just after Christmas, Rosalie and Emmett took Mae to Egypt. Her uncle had been excited for months about getting to meet Benjamin. Apparently his gift was a big deal, and Carlisle had sworn that he was a remarkable young man that they’d get on well with. 

He was part of a coven with three others, but the leader, Amun, and his mate, Kebi, made it clear from the moment they arrived that they wanted nothing to do with Mae. The snub hurt, but Esme had warned her to expect it, and Rose had made a number of biting comments in her defense that soothed the aching sting of their hosts’ slight. 

Benjamin more than made up for his creator’s cruelness. However, the most noteworthy thing about him didn’t turn out to be his gift, his ability to physically manipulate the elements. It was the obvious love and devotion he showered upon his mate, Tia. Mae was in awe watching them interact.

“How long have you two been together?” Mae finally asked a few days after meeting the pair.

“Over two hundred years now,” Tia said, laughing lightly. Twice as long as Carlisle and Esme had been together. “We were human children together, playing in the market streets, stealing, and performing for spare coins.” 

“I went back for her after Amun turned me. I couldn’t imagine living eternally without her,” Benjamin added, running the tip of his nose playfully against Tia’s.

“I want that,” Mae declared, the desire taking root in the pit of her soul, even deeper and more tangible than her desire to heal Nahuel had been.

Rosalie hugged her, stroking Mae’s hair and tucking the top of her head beneath Rose’s chin. She was only barely short enough to fit there at this point. 

“I promise that one day you will,” her aunt vowed with so much certainty that Mae almost believed her. Almost.

“What if I have to wait over a hundred years the way dad has?” Mae asked fearfully. She did not do well with loneliness. The isolation and boredom festered within her, corrupting how she viewed everything around her, and tainted all of her other interactions.

“Somehow, I don’t think you’ll have that problem,” Em announced dryly, making Rose hiss at him.

“But if you do,” Rose inserted, otherwise ignoring Emmett, “we’ll be here for you in the meantime.”

“We were some of the lucky ones -- we were still children when we fell in love. There was never anyone else, never any searching,” Tia said, smiling at Benjamin with the knowledge of a thousand secrets binding them with a nearly tangible connection.

“I grew too fast to ever really be a child or meet anyone to fall in love with,” Mae lamented, hating that she was bringing down such a wonderfully happy moment for the two, but the words slipped out before she could stop them.

“Hmm,” Ben hummed, glancing at Emmett, but her uncle shook his head.

What had Carlisle and Esme told them during their previous visit?

Despite her longing, Mae truly enjoyed the trip. They took a curse boat trip on the Nile River and visited the Valley of the Kings. Once they’d returned to Cairo, they flew to a small town where they rented camels that they rode one night to visit Siwa Oasis.

Her camel kept trying to spit on Emmett. He’d flat out refused to ride one himself, insisting it was too slow and that his weight would break the animal’s back. In the end, she’d had to beg him not to drink the hairy beast when he attempted to after getting thoroughly annoyed when a glob of saliva caught his pants towards the end of the night.

The next night, they toured the pyramids and the Great Sphinx. The sphinx, in particular, was incredible. The idea of riddles and the mythology of the unique creature piqued her curiosity. Had they really existed once upon a time -- like the Quileute wolves? 

Ben and Emmett entertained the women by deciding to race up the side of one of the pyramids. It was great when Ben used his gift to make the sand hold Em in place, locking around his ankles like crumbling yet impenetrable stone cuffs, so he couldn’t move until Ben leisurely strolled up to the top and won, waving merrily down at his captive opponent.

Rosalie had just rolled her eyes at their antics, going so far as to huff and smack Em upside the head when he demanded a rematch. Obviously he wasn’t thinking since Ben would just do the same thing and Emmett would surely lose again.

The trip was good for Mae in an unexpected way as well. By the end of the trip, she’d made two revelations about herself. First, that the missing piece in her life was someone to love that loved her back -- the way everyone in her family was partnered up. Second, that while she enjoyed her new vampire friends, that was not what she wanted to partner herself with for eternity. A vampire mate was not for her -- not forever. And Mae wanted forever. Not something fleeting like Edward and Leah were settling for. She wanted someone to look at her in two hundred years the way Ben looked at Tia. The way she was certain he’d still look at her in another two thousand years.

Mae had met over two dozen vampires, including all the members of her extended family. Many of them she truly liked, and could certainly be friends with, but the more she thought about it, the less likely she could see herself settling down with one. There was something cold, uniquely focused and singular, arrested and hard about them that she didn’t think she could get past. 

Maybe it was the lack of a heartbeat. Or the stone bodies. Whatever it was, Mae wanted more. She wanted to feel alive with her chosen partner, and she felt certain a vampire could never inspire those feelings.

~

May

The final trip of the year was to New Zealand with Alice and Seth. It was the only trip where she wasn’t going to meet any of the Cullens’ friends from over the years. For some reason, no one Carlisle had met had decided to settle in the islands so far south. They waited until Seth finished his freshman year of college to go so they could stay longer. She didn’t want to spend the entire trip stuck on a plane like she had fall break. 

Auckland was bypassed nearly entirely in favor of the smaller towns and natural wonders scattered throughout the remarkable country’s two main islands. 

Alice planned the whole thing. Unsurprisingly. It was a whirlwind of activities with nearly every minute accounted for, and sometimes as many as three big activities a day.

Her aunt was always with Seth this last year. She’d rented an office in town to work from, and there was a second desk for Seth to study at while she designed and made clothes. It was more time efficient for them since the campus was in town anyways. During spring break, the pair had traveled to New York together so Alice could meet with a few potential execs interested in distributing her line in their stores. 

Mae didn’t begrudge them their time together. Seth had wanted nothing more than Alice for as long as she could remember -- her entire life. Why wouldn’t they want to indulge a bit now that they could finally express their love for one another?

They went caving with glow worms lighting the ceiling like stars, zip lining through brilliant green forests, kayaking with penguins, bungee jumping, ice climbing on a glacier, hiking through majestic snow capped mountains. You name it, they did it. There wasn’t an activity that couldn’t be found in New Zealand, and nowhere on earth could you find a more pristine and beautiful country with nicer people. 

Not that she’d had the chance to travel all that much, but she was utterly impressed and thoroughly charmed.

It was one night while Alice was out hunting, that Mae asked Seth about having a vampire for a partner.

“What’s it like -- being with a vampire?” Mae asked, infusing the words with innuendo so he’d not mistake her meaning.

“Oh, wow. You’re already thinking about that sort of thing,” Seth said, looking around as if searching for someone else to help him navigate this conversation. “So, uh… wow.”

“Hmph.” She swallowed her impatience and waited. She’d specifically asked him and not Leah for two reasons. One, she didn’t want to think about her dad like that. And two, because she knew Seth wouldn’t tell her she was too young and should wait. Leah seemed to think she shouldn’t be interested in guys yet, that the timing was all wrong, and she should wait a few more years. Must be Edward’s influence. 

“I really didn’t think I’d be the one having this conversation with you,” Seth finally muttered, running a hand through his shaggy hair. He’d let it get long enough to brush the tops of his shoulders. It looked great that length, even if he was funny looking in wolf form as a result. “Sex, or like vampire sex?”

“The latter -- and who did you think would?” she asked curiously. There was no shortage of potentials within her family.

His lips pursed and his forehead wrinkled as he thought about it a moment before replying. “Bella -- strike that. Not her. And definitely not Edward, the prude. Rosalie or Alice probably,” he finally settled on, nodding in support of his conclusion.

“I want to know from a more human perspective,” Mae admitted. “It’s different for vampires. I’m more like you than them.”

“I can’t believe we’re already here,” Seth breathed, looking her over with dark, incredulous eyes. A level of disbelief and uncertainty lurked in their depths, an unwelcome guest intruding on a private matter.

“Weren’t you thinking about girls when you were sixteen?” Mae demanded, determined to help him see this as normal.

“Alice,” he said immediately, confirming what she already knew to be the truth. It had always been her for him. There’d never been room for any other in his heart. Mae hoped he knew how lucky he was. “I only thought of her. But yeah, I was thinking about that sort of thing,” he said, sighing heavily and falling silent.

“You didn’t answer my first question,” Mae reminded him, impatient for an answer.

“He’s going to kill me,” Seth mumbled, letting his head fall back as he stared up at the sky. It was twilight, and the lingering light from the sun cast everything in shades of pink, purple, and bright blue. Mae could just barely detect a couple twinkling stars winking in the distance, eager to come out and play.

The comment struck her as odd. Initially, she assumed he was referring to Jazz, or possibly Edward, but then she wondered if maybe he meant Jacob. Honestly, he could have been referring to any of them, or even all of them.

“Well?” she prompted, refusing to drop it. “How is it different with a vampire?”

“I’ve never actually had a relationship with a human, so I have nothing to compare it to, but from being in the others’ heads, I know it’s different,” he said carefully, slowly, like he was deliberately picking each word before he uttered it.

“Out with it, Seth. How is it different?”

“It’s the sort of stuff you already know -- no sleeping, though Alice usually stays with me,” Seth said, going for the easy relationship bits first instead of discussing sex.

“You two cuddle?” Mae stated, biting her lip to keep from laughing at the idea of the wolf using a stone as a body pillow.

“Shut it if you want to hear more,” he warned, mock glaring at her.

“Shutting,” Mae promised, worried he might actually refuse to share more.

“Different diet… I guess that wouldn’t be a concern for you though. Most of the mechanics are the same -- more intense, faster, a little rougher, but again, you have enhanced senses too so not really an issue. There are some physical limitations because of the venom, but we just work around that,” he said, blushing furiously, and she figured out he was referring to Alice’s mouth doing things to him. “That you would have to be careful with since we don’t know what venom would do to you, but I doubt it would be a deal breaker if you truly loved the person. The scent was honestly the hardest to get past, but over time it stopped bothering me. Now it sort of makes me hungry for dessert,” he said, shrugging like it was perfectly normal.

“Or hungry for Alice,” Mae said, the comment slipping out before she could bite it back.

“Basically,” he said wryly, tilting his head in agreement.

“What about the cold? The hardness? The possessiveness? The not sleeping? The unrelenting stubbornness and unchanging perspectives? The lack of a heartbeat?” she asked quickly, determined to get answers while he was being so cooperative.

“With the right person, none of that matters,” Seth said lightly, chucking her under the chin.

But those things did matter to her. She didn’t want a rock to hold her for hours on end doing nothing but waiting for her to wake. It seemed like a halflife. 

Vampires are too set in their ways. Too territorial. And she’d miss the little reminders of being alive, even if Seth didn’t. Having a vampire for a mate would never make her happy. That just wasn’t the life she wanted.

Their conversation only confirmed what she’d already thought about her future during her trip to Egypt. 

A memory of Nahuel rose in her mind. Could he love her someday? Already he needed her, even if he didn’t know it yet himself. She wanted to help him find happiness. He was like her, and he was very physically attractive. Was it the forever sort of feelings that were developing within her when she thought of him? She didn’t know.


	6. 6: I saw her, and she was a fucking spitfire - Jacob

Author’s Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think! 

PS I’m not Stephenie Meyer, so I don’t own anything :(

~

Ch 6: I saw her, and she was a fucking spitfire - Jacob

September 2016

For so long, he’d not really seen anyone else. There were times when he thought he did. Once, where he truly did, and she’d caught him so completely off guard that he’d really made himself try. It could have been enough. It almost was. He almost convinced himself.

But even their highest highs would never measure up or compare to the moment he saw Ness again once she’d truly grown up, and showed up unexpectedly on his doorstep. That was the day he knew the difference. 

Today would be like that again. 

Today he’d not just see the woman he loved, but his wife and eternal mate.

~

Year 3 - 2008-2009

August

“You know, you haven’t really dated since you crashed and burned. That was almost a year ago,” Aiden said, attempting to be delicate, but it fell short. Far short.

“Thanks for bringing that up. It does wonders for my ego,” Jacob said more sharply than he meant to. Sleeping with Alyson was not a source of pride for him. He hated that he’d let himself get so caught up in the moment. It shouldn’t have happened like that. 

Maybe it sounded girly, or whatnot, but he’d wanted more for himself. He was an incurable romantic at heart. Love conquers all. Triumphs over adversity and insurmountable odds.

“It should. You were her mark,” Aiden reminded him, as if knowing he was desired was enough. Maybe for some people, but Jacob had always been more emotionally invested than that.

“Your point?”

“Angie has a friend. A cute one. Really sweet. Very fun. I’m thinking double date,” Aiden said, nodding as if the idea was just coming to him. “Tonight.”

“You already told her I’d go. Didn’t you?” Jacob realized, calling his friend out.

“Yeah, man. Be ready by seven,” Aiden said, not trying to hide the fact he’d schemed behind his back.

~

August

His date the other night had gone better than expected. Her name was Josephine, but she went by Jo. He was taking Quil’s advice to get a steady girlfriend, and Jo was very attractive. They were going out again tonight. She’d talked him into taking her dancing. Never thought he’d be into the bar and club scene, but he’d gone with Aiden a few times this last year, and it wasn’t the worst way to spend an evening. Sometimes it was even fun if he managed to ignore the oppressive, offensive smells coming from the tightly packed, obscenely sweating humans. Well, that and the overly loud music that felt like he was getting his ears repeatedly boxed thanks to his sensitive hearing.

Jo was sweet. Shy when it came to talking, but kind. Her hispanic accent gave her voice a lyrical sound, and her words rolled one into another like music. She smiled a lot too, with big, full lips that he’d not minded kissing in the least. She’d been his first real kiss. The difference between that and the two times with Bella worlds apart. Not even in the same universe honestly. She’d clung to him, arms wrapped tightly around his neck with her fingers threaded through his hair to clutch him closer. The way her whole body leaned into him. Distinctly different, and so much more. 

The fact he’d thought about repeating that kiss was why he’d asked Jo out again. It was nice looking forward to something again.

He’d just gotten home from work, and needed to shower before he met up with her. He stopped at the mailbox in the front hall on his way up. Aiden always conveniently forgot to check it. 

The unexpected splash of green sticking up between white envelopes caught his eye. He pulled the thick piece of cardboard from the middle of the stack. The green he’d noticed was the background of a postcard. On it, large, irregular stones were arranged in a ring on a field of green clover with rolling hills in the background. The sun was setting, rays peeking through grey-lavender clouds streaking the sky to light the stones. 

The image name and location was printed along the bottom, The Fairy Ring, Ballymacdermot Court Tomb, Co Armagh.

Who did he know in Ireland? 

Bemused, Jacob flipped the card over to see who it was from. The neat, and perfect penmanship jumped out at him, instantly declaring the identity of the sender. Nessie. Almost eagerly, he read the message, curious about what she was doing, and why she was traveling again. Maybe he should call a little more frequently just to stay in the loop.

_Jacob,_

_I hope your new school year is starting off nicely. Grandma Esme and Grandpa Carlisle are vacationing in Ireland. Momma and Papa agreed to let me go with them, so I can meet some of our family friends. I saw this postcard though, and thought of you. The legends of fairies and the magic of these lands called to me the way your stories do. Can you see it too? The secrets and mystery? I wonder if there are others like you out in the world. The stories must come from somewhere. Wouldn’t it be amazing to find them? Take care._

_Missing You,  
Mae_

He’d never actually considered it, but she was probably right. If vampires, werewolves, and wolf shifters existed, other shifters probably did too. Other mythological creatures could as well. Maybe someday, he’d go looking for others. He had forever if he chose. There was time for an adventure like that someday. Maybe Seth, Alice, and Nessie would want to search with him.

~

September

_I met someone,_ Quil thought. The words were accompanied with an image of a very short dark-skinned girl with long black braids, a few of them colored red. She had large, deep brown eyes framed with really long, thick lashes.

It was Sunday. Jacob had begun delaying his weekly phasing until at least one of the others could run with him, even if from a distance. Over the last few months, he’d opened up, little by little about Embry, and how the events of that day plagued him. Talking about it with his brothers and sister helped him come to terms more than a year of denial had. 

Occasionally, he even spent a weekend road tripping to El Dorado National Forest to spend the whole weekend as a wolf. Each time he phased, he resented his wolf a little less, and accepted that role he was born to have a bit more. One day he might even deserve the responsibility and believe he was worthy of leading the others despite the way he’d abused his power during the battle with Embry. That day was still a ways off yet.

Usually, he still had a hard time believing that they were grateful he’d tried to step in and save Embry the way he had. If it had been Sam that did what Jacob had, he’d have been furious at the way he’d stripped away all free will for a time. But they seemed to get it, and still trusted him to be their alpha. They’d not turned their backs on him. If anything, they trusted him to look out for them more than ever. 

Today, Quil’s was the only mind with his own.

_You meet a lot of girls,_ Jake thought ruefully. Every time he phased Quil regaled him with his latest conquests. There was usually at least one new one each week, especially now that school had started back up. _What’s so different about this one?_ Aside from the fact that she was a knockout. 

_Her name is Kyra. She’s sexy as hell, but so much more. She thinks I’m funny -- and not just like laughing to be kind at my lame jokes,_ Quil thought, stunned and smitten in equal measure.

_Well, that is a first. She must not have a very good sense of humor,_ Jacob thought only mostly sarcastically. Embry had always been the wittiest of the bunch, though he was typically too shy to let others see it until he knew them better.

_Funny,_ Quil thought, mentally rolling his eyes and smacking Jake. _You’re a riot._

Y _ou’re really into her,_ Jake realized, so startled he stopped running.

_Duh. That’s my point. She’s older than me, in her last year of nursing school and on the dance team -- you should see her move._

A flash of a dance performed at the last football game played out. Jacob spotted the girl easily, she stood out apart from the rest. A red sequin top and tiny black shorts showcased her every turn jump, and dip. Toned muscles, fluid movements, perfect curves. Once when her waist length braids whipped out, he was reminded of -- 

He stopped the thought, again asking, _You’re really into her, aren’t you?_

_We were talking about the future yesterday, and she suggested I go to law school. Can you believe it? She actually thinks I’m smart enough to be a lawyer,_ Quil thought, struggling to believe she’d been serious, but as he replayed the conversation for Jake, it was obvious she’d meant every word. He could see in the memory that she only had eyes for Quil too.

_You do enjoy arguing,_ Jake conceded. Though he was better at math. Jacob thought he should do something with that instead of law school. 

Through Quil’s eyes, Jacob recognized the woods he was walking through. They were the tiny stretch between his house and Quil’s. His friend was in La Push today. The muddy ground had wolf prints overlapping from where others, probably Sam and Paul, traversed to Billy’s on a regular basis.

_Dude, so not the point. She thinks I’m smart. Me. And, yeah, I came home to tell my family about Kyra._

Quil struggled the most of him, Embry, and Jake in school, so he could see why this would startle him, but it wasn’t like he was stupid. He’d just had other priorities and studying had been low on his list.

_That’s true enough,_ Quil agreed, remembering all the times he’d gone to the gym instead of editing his english papers.

Jacob saw a stray thought Quil tried to squash, understanding his friend was planning a romantic late night study session at one of the picnic tables on campus later when he returned to Seattle -- from telling his family about a girl. Because it was already that serious. Wow. Just… wow. 

_Don’t forget flowers,_ Jacob suggested, forgoing teasing since Quil already seemed nervous about trying to surprise her like this.

_Do you give Jo flowers?_ Quil wondered. Jacob had told the others about her, but this was the first time any of his pack mates had actually brought her up.

_No, actually,_ Jake admitted, wondering if he should. He’d never thought about it. Did she even like flowers? They’d been sleeping together for a little over a week now. They didn’t have serious conversations, just went dancing and drinking every couple nights and had sex afterwards. It was fun, but he definitely lacked Quil’s enthusiasm.

_So it’s different for you with her,_ he thought bluntly. It wasn’t rude, but Jacob felt a touch of disapproval coming from his friend. Ironic considering how Quil treated every girl before Kyra. _Because I wasn’t looking for more until I met her -- you have been,_ he thought, catching Jake’s train of thought.

_Yeah. I like her well enough. Maybe more will come if I give it time,_ Jacob challenged, the words lacking substance even as he thought them.

_Not sure it really works like that,_ Quil thought, wincing internally with a touch of pity for Jake. Great. Now that was exactly what he wanted his friend to feel for him right when Jacob was embarking on a new relationship. Practically the opposite of hope. 

_Guess we’ll see._ There really wasn’t anything else he could do except give it time and see if deeper feelings eventually developed if he tried hard enough. Flowers could help. Bright, colorful ones as vibrant as the skirts and blouses she liked to wear.

~

October

It was mid October before the next postcard arrived. Silently, he acknowledged that he’d been looking for it for weeks. Ever since Bella called to say she, Jazz, Edward, and Leah were going to meet Nahuel. 

Bella admitted that Edward and Jazz were both worried that Nahuel was trying to start something romantic with Mae before she was ready or take advantage of her -- they were a predatory species, after all. But Jacob had met the guy, and didn’t see that happening. Nahuel was just uniquely suited to relate to Nessie, and probably wanted to make sure she had a friend that understood since he’d not been so fortunate. Jacob had recognized the deep sadness plaguing the guy. He had his own issues to overcome before he started thinking romantic thoughts. 

Jacob could relate.

He wondered if Leah was deliberately avoiding him since that decision was made, or if she’d just been too busy with Edward. He couldn’t say he was sorry for her not to be phasing. The last thing he wanted to think about, let alone witness, was his sister having sex with the prim and proper Edward Cullen. He probably insisted on missionary position every time and kept his eyes closed. 

This postcard came from Brazil. The material felt different. Almost like a photo with a protective layer placed over the glossy surface. Jacob realized it was a photograph. And judging by the subject matter, Nessie was probably the one to take it. 

So she really had liked the gift he’d gotten her. He’d spent hours learning the ins and outs of that camera, and how to repair it since it hadn’t been in anything even remotely considered working order when he’d found it. Then he’d had to track down the parts he’d needed to replace the broken ones. With school and work keeping him so busy, he’d forgotten how much he enjoyed projects like that, particularly when he knew she’d appreciate his efforts.

The photo showed all three members of the Amazon coven. Jake recognized them from Seth’s thoughts. All three were camouflaged by the jungle in the background, their edges blurred from motion and restless energy, and Zafrina was more in focus than the other two. Their forms were bent like branches of a tree, their hands tilted down like drooping leaves. They were a part of their surrounding, not separate entities. The image was a work of art, perfectly capturing the wild beings and demonstrating a respect for their wildness.

Flipping it over once he finally managed to tear his eyes away from the captivating scene, he read her message.

_Jacob,_

_I took the picture with the camera you gave me. Momma helped me turn it into a postcard for you. Do you like it? Can you guess what I wanted you to see? The Amazon jungle is teeming with life and vibrant colors. Zafrina and I have been trading images, and she’s helping me create more vivid and realistic pictures of things I’ve never seen myself. It’s extraordinary. How is school? You’ll have to tell me about it when I return. We’re going to visit Nahuel next. Dad is anxious to meet him. Papa too, though he’s better at hiding it. You remember him, can you imagine thinking he could be up to anything devious? It’s so absurd! Take care._

_Missing You,  
Mae_

Thanks to Seth’s memories, he knew what the Amazons were like. He could only imagine what Zafrina was helping her create. She seemed so happy though. It was all he could hope for.

~

October

That weekend, he took Jo to a local pool hall. The place was dark and smoky, people ignoring the signs as they lit spliffs, pipes, and hand-rolled cigarettes throughout the room. The bar was set up as a long, narrow room with a row of pool tables to one side with the bar running the length of the room on the other. It was honestly the most fun he’d ever had with Jo. 

“All right, so here’s the deal,” she said seriously, racking the balls at one end of the table while he stood at the other chalking up his cue. “They have nine levels of heat for their wing sauce, right?”

“I’ve never been here, but I think that’s what I saw on the menu,” Jacob said cautiously, not seeing where she was going with her question.

“Each time you miss a shot, you have to go up a level and eat at least three wings with the hotter sauce,” she challenged. He was caught off guard. Memories bombarded him of all the times Nessie had insisted on making things a challenge between them. He’d missed the constant competition, the drive to one up someone. The excited thrill that raced through him at the prospect. 

Of course he couldn’t really compete with Jo. She lacked his heightened senses -- was at a disadvantage without knowing it. But it was exciting nonetheless, even if he couldn’t actually rise to the occasion.

“I should warn you, I’m pretty good,” Jacob said, hoping she’d surprise him, and he’d be able to play for real without having to consciously make mistakes to keep up the ruse of being human.

“My abuela grows peppers in Honduras. I can handle a little heat if I lose -- but I won’t go down easy,” she warned, making him laugh.

It wasn’t long before he saw that she was a lot more talk than skill, but it was fun regardless. Four games, five pitchers of margaritas, and six baskets of wings later, they were laughingly making their way back to his place for a little more fun before they crashed for the night.

Jo’s lips and soft curves, round and plump in all the right places, could seriously entrance a man at ten paces away. Jake had no desire to resist or deny what they both enjoyed.

~

October

Less than a week later another postcard arrived in the mail. Jacob recognized the person immediately. Nahuel. He was balancing on an iceberg in the middle of a pale blue lake. His dark head was thrown back, a laugh spilling from his widely parted lips. The obvious joy and fun was clear in every crisp line and focused feature. Somehow, Jacob had a hard time looking away from the lean male dominating the image.

His mind was completely blank, no thoughts forming in response to the scene he could easily visualize if he only let himself, when he eventually turned the card to read the words Nessie had written for him.

_Jacob,_

_My fathers are idiots. Momma even agreed with me -- about both of them. I know, right? Do you think they’ll ever stop seeing me as their baby girl? I’m not. Not anymore. When will everyone realize that? I’ve always been so worried about my family that I’ve forgotten that I need to live my own life and have fun for my sake. I think I’m finally starting to learn how. I hope you are too. Something tells me you struggle with that as well._

_Still Missing You,  
Mae  
_  
She had no idea how right she was -- about all of it.

~

November

“Are you planning to get your Master’s degree? Your Doctorate? Or do you want to go straight into a career?” Dr. Campbell asked. She was Jacob’s academic advisor, and she’d emailed him yesterday about stopping in during office hours today. He’d not expected the conversation to go in this direction, however.

“I honestly haven’t thought much about it,” Jacob admitted, shifting uncomfortably in the stiff, wooden chair. He hated getting placed on the spot like this.

“Your grades are perfect, and your professors all report that you demonstrate tremendous aptitude for mechanical engineering,” she announced, surprising him. He’d thought he was in trouble, but that actually sounded… complimentary. “I’d highly recommend pursuing an advanced degree.”

“They do? Wow. I’d love to earn my Master’s at least, but my finances are limited,” he said shyly, still stunned by the praise.

“You have a permanent address in La Jolla, correct? You don’t travel out of state during the summer,” she inquired.

“Yes, ma’am, I live here year round, and take extra classes during the summer.” He was taking a page out of Rachel’s book and intending to graduate early. A full year if possible, and he kept up as he was, but at the very least he was already set to graduate a semester early.

“Have you considered doing an internship this summer? I know you work at…” she paused to read a paper on the desk in front of her, then continued, “a local garage, that’s right.”

“Yes. The pay covers my apartment, so I don’t have as many student loans,” Jacob said, bouncing his leg a little, nerves getting to him, and making it impossible to contain his boundless energy. Did she understand he needed the employment, and couldn’t afford to take on an unpaid internship on top of his already full load?

“I want you to call this number. It’s a paid position with Philips -- more than you’re making as an auto mechanic,” she said, seeming to read his mind. Or she’d just been doing this long enough to anticipate his arguments. “The spots fill up quickly, so you’ll have to act now if you’re interested. It’s an ongoing internship once you start, and they’ll pay for your Master’s degree if you’re willing to stay and work for them for at least a year after graduating. Tell them I referred you, and they can call if they have any questions,” she finished, handing him a business card and offering him the chance of a lifetime.

“Are you serious?” Jacob breathed, stunned motionless.

“Sometimes hard work pays off. It makes an impression, Jacob Black,” she said seriously, offering him a small, sincere smile.

“Thank you. I’ll call them today,” he promised.

By the end of the day, he had an interview. By the end of the next week, he’d been through all three interviews, and was set to start this coming June.

~

December

Jacob took a couple days off to visit La Push for Christmas. It was easier than before to be on the rez. Evidence that he was finally beginning to heal. The ghosts only gave him nightmares when he was actually asleep this time.

He’d missed seeing his nephew. Rachel and Billy had come with Thomas for spring break last year, using the tickets Nessie had given him, then Rachel and Paul had brought their son for almost two weeks over the summer, and stayed in Aiden’s room while his roommate was visiting his aunt in Chicago, but that had not been enough time.

Thomas was nearly a year old now, and would be in a few weeks. He had chubby chipmunk cheeks and messy black hair. The one thing he loved most in the whole world, was grabbing things and throwing them. Didn’t matter what the object was, if he could get his pudgy little fingers around it and lift it, it would inevitably end up soaring through the air.

Currently, Jacob was gathering the large blocks he’d given his nephew for Christmas from around the room and carrying them back to Thomas as Billy grilled him about his life. Primarily, his dating situation. It wasn’t until Billy brought up the elusive girlfriend that he’d heard about from Rachel that Jacob realized he’d not thought of her once since leaving California.

“Who is this girl Rachel mentioned?” Billy asked again, as if Jacob hadn’t heard him the first time. He had, there just wasn’t all that much to say. They’d only been dating for a little over four months.

Jake laid down on the floor in front of Thomas, propping himself up on his elbows, determined to show the kid the proper way to play with blocks. They were for building, not flying.

Billy’s grunt made Jacob glance up to find his father glaring impatiently at him. He half shrugged, and said, “Just a girl I’ve been seeing.”

“That sounds promising,” Billy muttered sarcastically, looking over at the piano he had propped against the wall in the corner behind the old armchair. When had they gotten that? And why? None of the Blacks played.

“I’m not looking for a wife,” Jacob said defensively, ruffling Thomas’s dark hair. 

Honestly, he was still a little pissed that Paul and Rachel had eloped over fall break. Neither Billy nor Jacob had gotten to be a part of their wedding. The two had taken Thomas to Hawaii for Rebecca to meet her nephew, and the missing Black twin had convinced her sister to get married on the beach one night so she could be her matron of honor. Rebecca had gone on and on about how romantic the whole thing had been, but Jacob thought it was just her selfish way to be part of it while not having to come back to the rez. 

Not that Jacob was one to cast stones. He’d been plenty selfish himself. And his glass house would surely shatter if he mentioned a single word about it. So instead he silently seethed.

‘What’s the point of wasting your time when you don’t feel anything?” Billy demanded, more annoyed over the idea of Jacob dating Jo than he’d expected his father to be.

“I feel something,” Jacob said evasively.

“Lust is not worth acknowledging,” Billy denied, calling him out. Being with Jo was sweet. And educational. He’d learned a lot about pleasing a female from her. For as shy as she was in public, she wasn’t around him anymore, and most definitely wasn’t in the bedroom. She was completely unafraid to offer suggestions and correct him if he wasn’t doing enough for her.

“She’s a nice girl -- I could do a lot worse,” Jacob said, not entirely refuting his dad’s assumptions.

“Don’t you want more than nice? Don’t you want a family?”

Jacob looked back at Thomas. Just in time for a thrown block to clip his nose. There wasn’t any real force behind it, so the impact barely registered, but watching it made Thomas giggle adorably. Jacob reached over and tickled his nephew just beneath the chin to make him laugh again. The sound made Jake smile.

His joy was temporary though, the smile slipping as though running water was washing it away as he replied, “That’s not in the cards for me. I can’t have one.”

“Sam’s own family is proof that he was wrong to say that,” Billy refuted, pinning Jacob with his dark, intense eyes. Eyes none of his children had inherited. Billy’s were long and narrow, more like tiny slits, while his kids had all gotten Sarah’s almond-shaped eyes. 

“Dad… “

“Just think about it. That’s all I’m asking,” Billy begged, obviously heartbroken at witnessing the torment continuing to trouble his only son. “You could have everything. It’s out there -- I know it is. Don’t settle for less.”

~

January

The next postcard shook Jacob to the depths of his soul when he saw it. It was a wake up call. The startling missive arrived on the last day of January. Mae must have waited and developed the image herself after returning home. She’d mentioned intending to learn how when she called him on his birthday. 

The sight of the couple on the front seemed to burn, they were so intense. A young couple, close to his age, though he couldn’t be certain, stared into one another’s eyes in front of a pyramid. The sun was just beginning to rise in the background, setting their skin to faintly sparkle. The glimmering was so faint, that it looked like a trick of the light or makeup, but Jacob knew the truth. It was the dawn light reflecting off vampire skin. The illusion wasn’t what tore at him though. It was the love he saw. The same way each of the Cullens looked at their mates. The way many of the wolves looked at their imprints. It was blatant, undeniable, lasting -- endlessly enduring -- love. 

The physical evidence in front of him brought to light the stark contrast of how he felt about Jo.

Nessie had a gift for conveying emotions with pictures. He idly wondered if she knew how incredible she already was at it.

_Jacob,_

_The history here is fascinating, and I wish you could see for yourself how talented my new friend Benjamin is. He and Tia are so in love. It’s inspiring to know how they’ve endured the test of time. Do you think everyone gets a great love like that? And if they do, is it destined or just something a person luckily stumbles upon? I suppose I’ll be able to answer the question for myself someday. Next time we talk, I’ll have to tell you about Uncle Emmett’s antics. I’m sure they’ll have you laughing as much as I did watching them._

_Always Missing You,  
Mae_

Jacob had no answers to her deep questions. He was as green as Nessie when it came to love. Because the truth was, he was no closer to falling in love with Jo than he had been when he met her six months ago.

~

February

The image on the postcard lingered, almost taunting him. He did not have that with Jo. Never would. No amount of fruitless wishing would alter facts. So what was the point?

He showed up at her dorm one night late in February. He’d not wanted to end things right before Valentine’s Day, knowing that would make him even more of an asshole. So he’d waited. Putting it off was harder than he expected. It made him appreciate Bella’s position more. He’d meant more to her than Jo did to Jacob, and he hated that this could hurt her. It would have been so much harder for Bella. Particularly since she’d had no one else in her life at the time.

Tentatively he knocked on Jo’s door, bracing himself for what he was about to do. He’d never broken up with someone before. Aiden had been on him for the last two weeks to get this done already. He didn’t see the point in dragging it out, but he hadn’t been able to offer any truly helpful advice either. The only thing Jacob knew was not to use the cliche line, ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’ 

The door opened on a cheerful Jo, shocked by the unplanned visit. Jacob looked past Jo in her short sleep shorts and tank top exposing quite a bit of cleavage, to see that she was the only one in the tiny room. Good. Better to do this without an audience. Uncomfortable, Jake shifted his feet, wringing his hands a little, unable to mask his nerves. Even as he did that, he watched Jo’s welcoming smile dim.

“Can we talk?” Jacob asked quietly.

“You want to end this, don’t you?” Jo stated matter-of-factly. There was no surprise or hesitation. Jake was taken aback by the blunt accuracy of her assessment. 

“That obvious?” he asked, wincing miserably. Guess he’d done a pretty lousy job of being an attentive boyfriend recently.

“It was always just a bit of fun to pass the time for you,” she said, shrugging carelessly, but he noted the slightly pinched look around her eyes.

“I was trying,” Jacob offered, knowing it wasn’t much. She laughed. A true laugh, not hollow or bitter as one might expect after being told a guy had tried to like the person.

“You shouldn’t have to try to fall in love,” she chided gently, seeming much more worldly than him just then. Wish she’d shared more secrets of the universe with him before now.

“You’re a remarkable woman,” Jacob said a little wondrously.

“Maybe one day you’ll kick yourself for letting me get away,” she teased, smiling secretively and eyeing him. “Hmph,” she sighed, coming to some private conclusion before adding, “Or maybe we’ll both find someone we truly love.” Her eyes were beginning to look glassy with unshed tears.

“I should have spoken up sooner,” Jacob acknowledged, regretting how he’d handled the situation, even if she didn’t seem as wounded by it all as he’d feared. They didn’t have much in common, and had never really become friends, so it wasn’t like they’d continue hanging out after tonight. This was really the end for them.

“I wasn’t blind or unaware. People rarely are, though actually facing the truth is hard for most,” she said softly. Again, he was reminded of his time with Bella. Her words were an apt description. “Bye, Jake. I’m sure I’ll see you around. Good luck finding the right one.”

“You too, Jo,” he said, leaving because there was nothing more to say.

~

May

Quil called unexpectedly one day in late June. He was breathy, as if he’d just finished running a marathon when he asked, “Remember that girl I told you about a few months ago, and well… you know?”

“Kyra?” Jacob supplied, having heard about her every couple weeks since then when he phased. Quil thought of nothing, and no one else -- not even Claire.

“Yeah. Her. Would-you-be-my-best-man?” Quil asked quickly, the words rushing together to form a single run-on question. Jacob took a second to process what he’d heard, and make sure he’d deciphered the words correctly before he spoke.

“You’re getting married! Now? Why?” Jacob exclaimed, standing up. Adrenaline made his muscles twitchy until the very thought of remaining seated was impossible.

“She’s pregnant, Jake,” Quil murmured quietly, seeming awed, and just a little afraid.

As selfish as it was, Jacob experienced immediate relief at Quil’s words. It was possible. Jacob could have a child with someone other than Nessie if he ever decided that he did indeed want kids.

The rush of being able to breathe easily was quickly replaced with concern for his friend, and the predicament he now found himself in. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah,” Quil said slowly, and Jake could picture him nodding, dumbfounded.

“Is the wedding just because of the baby?” Jake asked as cautiously as possible. He had a feeling it would have happened eventually. Quil was mad for Kyra. But he wanted to make sure -- for his friend’s sake.

“No. I’ve gotten around -- you know I have --” Quil started.

Jacob interrupted, not needing to hear any further reminiscing, and said, “I know far too well -- and too much.”

“I love her. I knew it as soon as we met,” Quil said simply, and Jacob internally agreed.

“Congratulations then. I could tell something was different,” he acknowledged. Just the way Quil spoke and thought of her made that perfectly clear. The way he hadn’t lost interest all these months later only supported it.

“I really see her. Every future I envision includes her -- her and our child, children maybe,” Quil breathed.

“Already planning on more? You haven’t even seen if you can handle the first one while juggling parenthood with college,” Jacob cautioned, knowing Paul and Rachel had already decided one was plenty. Thomas was a handful, and kept them busy enough.

“She comes from a big family, seven siblings, and wants the same. I’m an only child. It sounds kind of exciting,” Quil said, having no firsthand knowledge of what he was agreeing to. Poor guy. Jacob’s sympathy only extended so far. He’d babysit one -- not a half dozen or more.

“What are you going to do about Claire?” he asked, thinking of the girl. She’d just finished kindergarten.

“She’s thrilled to be an aunt, and I promised she could be the flower girl in the wedding,” Quil said immediately.

“You already told her then,” Jake said, trying to mentally play catch up. This seemed to be happening at warp speed and his brain was trotting along behind like a little, old grandpa.

“Yeah. I’m looking forward to making her babysit someday the way I have for her,” Quil said eagerly, and Jacob pictured him watching her play with toy race cars the way he’d sat through a princess tea party complete with play makeup.

“Nice,” Jacob finally said, not having anything else to say. So he added honestly, “I’m really happy for you, Quil.”

“There’s one other thing…”

Jacob waited, but when he didn’t come out with it, Jake prompted, “What?”

“I know you’ve never come out and forbidden us the way Sam did. I know --”

“Are you saying you told her?” Jacob asked quietly, glancing over to make sure Aiden was still fully engrossed in the video game he was playing on the couch.

“Everything. Yeah, I did,” he said, sounding like he was bracing himself as he awaited Jake’s wrath.

“Quil… “ Jake breathed, not really knowing what to say. Quil intended to spend his life with this woman. She was carrying his child. A child that could one day shift too. She deserved to know the truth. To be prepared, and not be put in the situation Lainey, Embry’s mom, had.

While he understood that Sam’s fear had driven him to issuing the orders he had, that would never be the choice Jacob would make -- he couldn’t make decisions for others. He had enough trouble making them for himself. Doing so was the primary reason he struggled with Embry’s death. Quil had the right to decide who he trusted. Same as Jacob had wanted to trust Bella years ago.

“I won’t keep secrets from her. And if we’re having a son? I don’t want him raised the way we were. All the secrets and lying. It made things so much worse. Don’t you remember?” Quil rambled, defending his actions.

“I do,” Jacob agreed, still struggling to figure out how to give voice to his thoughts. “You did the right thing. You have my full support,” he finally settled for saying. It wasn’t the articulate phrasing he’d been searching for, but it worked, and he was rewarded with the gushing sound of his friend’s relieved sigh.

“Thanks,” Quil muttered.

“I take it from the way the conversation went earlier that she took it well?”

“Not at first, but then I showed her,” he admitted, sounding a little abashed.

“That was probably not your best move given her condition,” Jake said drolly.

“What other choice did I have? She thought I was either crazy or making up an excuse to get out of taking responsibility.”

“And afterwards?”

“She’ll keep our secret. She’s one of us now -- raising the next generation,” Quil said proudly. Jacob pictured him puffing out his chest like a peacock just because his swimmers were successful -- even when they weren’t intended to be.

“If it’s a boy --”

“He’ll grow up knowing the truth, and I’ll give him the choice when he graduates high school. If he doesn’t phase on his own before then, if it’s what he wants, I’ll take him to visit Alice and Seth -- let her trigger it in a safe environment -- I trust the Cullens,” Quil said. “Man am I glad Seth has shacked up with a vampire.” 

“Never thought any of us would ever utter those words, but it is awfully convenient. Rachel and Paul are planning on the same,” Jacob revealed. It wasn’t something they advertised, not knowing Sam’s views on the subject, but Paul had discussed it with him a couple months ago, asking Jacob for his support in case Sam objected. It was easy enough to give.

“That’s how it always should have been,” Quil said, acknowledging a truth Jacob was still coming to terms with, and sorting out what he planned to do about in the future. 

The path was there. He could take it. Make changes. Lead his people. Direct the course their future took. He could see it, but he still had some distance to cover before he reached it.

“I’ll make sure it is from now on,” he promised, though he figured Quil already recognized that he was still a ways away from figuring out how to keep the vow. Luckily, he had a little time.

~

May

The final postcard from Nessie’s family vacation, or world trip, arrived in May -- the day after Quil’s bif revelation. Seth had told him to expect it. The front displayed a black and white image of New Zealand’s majestic peaks, somewhere in The Remarkables, with Seth and Alice dancing in the snow on one of the lower peaks. Somehow it reminded Jacob of the timeless picture of the WWII sailor kissing the nurse in Times Square that still circulated today. It possessed the same sweet, hopeful promise of eternal happiness and love. 

_Jacob,_

_New Zealand is my favorite of the places I’ve visited this year. We’ve only been here for two days, and I already feel like its become part of my soul. Someday I’d love to live here. It’s the most beautiful country, so majestic and magical -- full of wonder and possibilities. I wish you were here to see it too. Please promise you’ll visit someday. I haven’t met any friends of the family here, but Auntie Alice and I have eaten a lot of sheep -- Seth loves them too. Every day is an adventure. Seth and Alice have kept me busy searching for adrenaline rushes. Apparently, Momma used to enjoy the same with your help. I can definitely see the appeal, and I can’t wait to hear more about it from you later._

_Forever Missing You,  
Mae _

Seeing his packmate so happy didn’t make Jacob jealous for once. No. He felt only grateful that another could have the life he wanted. The life they all sought.

~

May

_Crunch!_ The sound of metal crumpling and glass shattering was compounded by the metal frame of his open door shaking within his grip from where he’d just braced himself to climb into his rabbit.

“Are you serious?” a woman demanded, throwing her door open to step up and out of the car that just rear-ended his as she failed to parallel park.

She was one of the most beautiful women he’d ever seen. Far superior to any of the girls on campus. Coffee-and-cream skin bespoke a biracial heritage. She had waist-length hair of tight ringlets, like a million light brown slinkies cascading down her back, bouncing individually with her every movement. Pale, seafoam green eyes dominated her oval face and even made him overlook the large, flat lips shaded to a dark burgundy the color of red wine. Perfectly arched brows and long lashes made it hard to look anywhere except her unusually bright eyes.

Long legs and a slender body were sheathed in a tight, bright blue dress and black booty heels. The fabric wrapped tightly over her skin, emphasizing her assets and build without being obscene about it. Large filigree silver earrings peaked out from her curls, and as she stood, he heard the clinking of her silver bangle bracelets.

“You just hit my car!” she accused, wobbling slightly in her heels on the uneven, cracked pavement. With them, she was nearly as tall as him -- at least six-foot-three.

Jacob looked from his feet -- one foot on the floor of his front seat, the other on the pavement of the road. Then he took in the keys in his hand -- not anywhere near the ignition. Bemused, he glanced back at the beautiful woman continuing to rage at him.

“Oh, don’t give me that. I know you didn’t hit my car in the traditional sense,” she said huffily. “But have you seen yourself? How could I not be completely distracted with you standing there like that?”

He took inventory of himself. Not three minutes earlier, he’d tied his surfboard onto the roof of his rabbit. Currently, he was shirtless in low-slung board shorts, and a bit of sand had dried onto his chest. One of his knees was bleeding from getting rubbed past raw each time he’d popped up for a wave. Accelerated healing actually meant the flesh had mended, but repeatedly tearing open the same spot meant still drying blood streaked down the front of his shin. Not his best look, but certainly not his worst either.

“Sorry?” he tried, not really sure what to say in this situation. It was unlike any he’d ever found himself in.

“Sorry? Sorry! This is the last thing I needed today. How am I supposed to make a good impression in a job interview if they think I can’t even drive?” she yelled, getting louder with each word. Hastily, she tossed her wild hair behind her shoulder, seeming annoyed with the thick mass. “And how am I supposed to pay for this when I lose out on the job of a lifetime?” she demanded, more of the universe than him.

“Can I take you out? After the interview, of course,” Jacob requested, shocking himself. She was mesmerizing. So over-the-top and larger-than-life. Just looking at her reminded him of how Quil looked at Kyra in his mind.

“Are you serious?” she demanded, pausing to study him. Not unlike how one would look at a crazy person.

Huh. That had been a little sudden. Not to mention contrary given the circumstances.

“Yeah, I think I am,” he said, going for it anyways. She was too spectacular to pass up. All that fire and passion sparking around her as she yelled at him. He was drawn like a moth to a flame.

“Is this so you make sure I’m good for the damage to your car?” she asked speculatively.

“I can repair that myself. Yours too. No cost. I work at a shop just up the road,” he offered, wondering if that would be enough to entice her. His internship with Philip started in a week, and he’d agreed to stay on part time for the summer at the shop because his former boss hadn’t replaced him yet. Hopefully he’d find someone soon, but for now, Jacob planned to take advantage of this opportunity.

“You’d do that? After I just went off on you like a crazy person then accused you of ulterior motives,” she demanded, face scrunched up like she was trying to figure the maze that was him out, but every path she took resulted in a dead end.

“Well… you’re nervous about the interview, right? I’m sure that was part of it,” Jacob said, explaining the accident away as logically as possible. Prior to this he’d always been sort of dismissive of people that were careless enough to get into car accidents. Between his mother and his interest in cars, it’d turned into a sort of hang up. Especially after all of Bella’s accidents on the bike.

“You know what? If I get this job, then yes. I’ll consider you my good luck charm, and we can celebrate,” she said, face smoothing as she came to a decision about him.

“Hey! What’s your name?” he called as she turned to go into the five story building just off the beach.

“Natalie,” she called, not looking back at him -- a first.

“I’m Jake,” he called, wondering if he should wish her good luck, offer his number, or ask for hers. Hell, he didn’t have to be at work until this afternoon. She seemed worth the wait. How long could a job interview last, anyways? “I’ll just wait for you here, then, yeah?”

She finally glanced back at him, tossing an enticing smile over her shoulder that invited him to wait all day if that was what it took for the opportunity to see her again.


	7. 7: Wounded - Mae

Author’s Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think! 

The theme songs for this chapter are _Stay_ by Hurts and _Say Anything_ by Ashley Nite.

PS I’m not Stephenie Meyer, so I don’t own anything :(

~

Ch 7: Wounded - Mae

Year 4 - 2009-2010

August

She was approximately seventeen now, according to Carlisle. The same age Bella was when she met Edward. Time was back to crawling now that all of her trips were done and over with. At least she had Quil’s wedding to look forward to. If she ended up similar to Nahuel’s sisters, she’d reach around twenty-three and stop aging when she was six. Hybrid girls apparently mature faster than hybrid boys, the same as humans did. She’d end up looking older than all of her family, with the exception of Esme, and be the same age as Carlisle.

She’d begged her Auntie Rose to help her get ready for the wedding. Alice had jumped at the chance to help as well. They had her seated at the upstairs vanity that they informed her was the same place they helped Bella get ready before she married Edward. 

The whole family was staying at the Cullen house today and tomorrow for the event. Quil had insisted they be allowed to attend, and Sam, surprisingly, hadn’t fought him on the matter. Alice let slip that it was because of Mae, but she refused to explain why. She hadn’t seen many of the people in months, some even longer, and she wanted to dazzle them all the way the others in her family undoubtedly would.

Plus, she’d been toying with the idea of having someone take a picture of her so that she could send it to Nahuel. He’d never seen her outside the jungle or wearing anything other than hiking gear. Maybe it would be fun to shock him a little with the difference in her appearance.

“I can’t believe Quil is getting married,” Mae gushed, thrilled for the wolf. He’d been good to her when she’d been younger. Always hanging out with her and Jake, and bringing Claire around so she could sort of make friends.

Kyra was almost four months pregnant now. They’d rushed to get everything ready in time so she hopefully wouldn’t be showing too much yet. Absently, Mae wondered if she’d told the hospital where she’d just started work that she was having a baby, so she’d need time off not just for the honeymoon, but maternity leave as well in a few months. Particularly since Quil couldn’t do everything since he still had two more years before he graduated college.

“Seth was pretty surprised as well,” Alice admitted, nudging Mae’s chin up further as she traced her low lids with eyeliner.

“Really?” Rosalie asked, though she sounded bored. Probably she was participating in the conversation to be polite. Seth, Jacob, and Leah were the only wolves she was truly willing to tolerate and put any effort into being civil towards.

“Not by Kyra, but he didn’t think Quil would be the first to go down,” Alice elaborated conspiratorially.

“It could have been you,” Mae pointed out, knowing Seth would jump on the opportunity to tie himself to Alice with the traditional ceremony. Anything to amplify their bond and demonstrate its strength.

Rose’s nails snagged on a curl, pulling slightly, and she carefully untangled her fingers before continuing to insert the floral hair comb. She’d arranged Mae’s hair with a side part, and pulled the smaller section of waist-length, long hair back just above her ear before inserting the decorative metal near the crown of her head to hold the strands in place. The rest cascaded down her back in large, loose copper curls that flowed like a rippling liquid-metal waterfall.

“We don’t need to rush,” Alice said, smiling inwardly. She always glowed when discussing Seth, an inner light shone outwards for everyone to witness her joy, and the radiance he inspired.

“Now you sound like Bella,” Rose huffed. Their forbearance of seeking human rituals and opportunities to be the center of attention baffled her. It wasn’t a feeling she relished, and typically meant she’d write the person off as quickly as the realization occurred to her.

“She might be hopeless with this stuff, but she occasionally knows a thing or two,” Aice said frankly, applying a shell pink lip gloss so pale it was nearly nude. Mae closed her lips and was relieved to find it wasn’t as sticky as some of the glosses her aunts had given her. She hated when it got tacky or threatened to act like flypaper if she dared wear it outside.

“Only what we’ve drummed into her,” Rosalie insisted.

“Momma really is averse, isn’t she,” Mae said lightly, not really understanding why Bella hated dresses and occasionally dressing up for special occasions. It wasn’t like they happened more than a handful of times a year.

“You’re not much better. This is the first time you’ve worn a dress in at least a year,” Rose scolded. Mae opened her mouth to protest, but realized it was the truth. She clamped her mouth shut again, searching for a proper comeback.

“There’s a time and place for such things -- you taught me that,” she finally said, leveling Rose with a lofty expression.

“So I did,” she conceded, seeming to take the comment as flattery or praise for her efforts to mold Mae into what she deemed a proper young lady to be.

“I think you’re ready,” Alice announced, stepping back and scanning her face. Satisfied, she gave a single, sure nod. “A masterpiece to be sure.”

“Take a look,” Rosalie coaxed, coming around to her side, and pointing at the mirror.

Her eyes looked huge, popping from her perfectly symmetrical face thanks to the layers of ebony mascara coating lashes that framed the liquid-chocolate orbs. Alice hadn’t gone overboard with the makeup, keeping it fairly neutral and soft. Just enough to enhance her already supernaturally flawless features.

The natural look complemented her forest green satin cocktail dress. It had halter style straps that tied around her neck, and left the majority of her back bare. The material gathered and crossed her chest to form an X that wrapped around her waist to gather at the back where the skirt was zipped. A knee length skirt was loose and flowing -- comfortable for someone that didn’t often wear a dress by choice. 

“I look --”

“Just like Bella,” Alice said, seeming a bit taken aback by the realization. They could be twins at this moment, both in age and appearance. Most of the family thought she resembled Edward the most. Only Jazz, and occasionally Edward, argued that she favored Bella more.

“Much prettier than Bella, thanks to Edward’s contributions,” Rosalie corrected, smiling warmly. It took alot for Rose to acknowledge anyone’s loveliness, aside from her own, so Mae believed the compliment was sincere.

“Thanks,” she said, grateful for their help. 

For once, she actually looked like she belonged with the rest of her family. Same approximate age. Same alluring beauty. It’d be nice if they didn’t all still think of her as the baby though.

The wedding was beautiful. Not that she paid any attention.

From the moment she looked at the front of the room, Mae’s eyes were fixated on Jacob. The rest of the room, the rest of the world, ceased to exist. There was only him. It felt like she saw him for the very first time. He was gorgeous. Tall, muscular, wide shoulder, shiny black hair combed neatly back, but begging to be rumpled. Easy grin that radiated warmth and happiness. 

Then there were the memories. All the times he’d been there for her. All the times he’d listened to her concerns, really listened. All the times he’d made her laugh until her sides ached with joy. All the phone calls and teasing banter, each time as if no time at all had passed. All of the times only he could make her smile. All the times she waited to hear from him, missing him every second between the ones they spoke. All the times something happened in her life and he was the first, the only, person she wished to share the occasion with.

She was unprepared for longing that came with the new awareness she had for the wolf. A desperate desire to speak to him, to share this new understanding. To touch him. She knew from her family what it was she felt. Desire. She wanted Jacob. She longed to kiss him, hold him, be with him. Hormones raced through her body, an overwhelming flood frying her systems. 

Thanks to Alice, she’d seen a dozen movies that all revolved around the first, romantic kiss a couple shared. They were at a wedding. What could be more romantic? It was the perfect setting. She could walk right up to him after the ceremony was over. He’d see the changes in her, realized he missed her too, cup her face, and press his lips to hers. It’d be perfect. Epic.

Jacob was hers. He’d always been hers. The way Jazz was Bella’s, and Seth was Alice’s. That was how it was always supposed to be. She just hadn’t been ready to see it before. Everything made sense now. She made sense. He brought her clarity -- on everything.

Spiralling. Her reaction to Jacob had her in a tailspin. It was hard to breathe. Her heart was pounding, screaming in her ears as it thrummed so fast it seemed to form a single, unending cacophony. Black spots formed in her vision, and she realized she was unconsciously holding her breath. 

Jasper took her hand at that moment, squeezing it lightly, but not giving her reaction to the wolf away. Not that the rest of the family hadn’t heard the way her body betrayed her. There were no secrets among vampires. Peaceful serenity flowed over her, allowing her to suck in a mouthful of air. One. Two. Three mouthfuls. Then she didn’t have to think about it anymore. The even, steady breaths came naturally thanks to her papa’s help. 

The entire time she was having her epiphany, Jacob remained oblivious. He was too focused on the vows being exchanged and watching his best friend marry the woman he loved. Mae was grateful for the opportunity to drink him in at her leisure. To admire his sun-kissed bronze skin, the coiled strength contained within him, yet still undeniably visible in his solid, muscular build. She could search the world over for millennia and not find his equal. Certainly not another with their shared history. She’d been blind before today. He was the sun, and she was seeing it for the first time. The world on a cloudless day at high noon.

When the ceremony ended, Mae caught sight of Edward when they stood to watch the newlyweds walk back down the aisle. He looked tortured, devastated. Yet oddly resigned. Instantly, she felt guilty that he’d had a front row seat to his baby girl growing up and really discovering men, well, a man, for the first time.

Immediately, Mae begged off to use the restroom, needing a moment of privacy before she faced the inevitable questions from her family. And for actually speaking to Jake in person for the first time in years. Mentally, she braced herself, wondering if he’d feel the same. Anticipation thrummed through her, alighting her. A glance in the bathroom mirror relieved that a rosy hue had bloomed in her cheeks, and a keyed-up energy filled her eyes.

Once she entered the area designated for the reception, just behind the building where the wedding had taken place, she watched Jazz whispering to Bella. From her mama’s open expression, Mae knew Bella was vaguely alarmed by hearing about the profound reaction her daughter had just experienced. 

Not wanting to wait, she scanned the room for Jake, anxious for their reunion. Would it happen the way she’d envisioned it going? She didn’t immediately see him, but she did spot the rest of her family. Just in time to witness Edward and Sam briefly clash.

A tense moment passed when Edward stopped Sam from talking to Leah. He was already on edge from listening to Mae’s thoughts throughout the wedding, but something about the idea of Leah speaking to her ex sent him over the edge just a smidge. Her father’s territorial behavior was precisely why Mae was determined never to get involved with a vampire. Of course that was before she realized Jacob was the true reason no other would do.

The very idea that she’d ever even remotely considered a future with Nahuel seemed laughable suddenly. He was a friend. Nothing more. If there was something more between them, surely she’d have been able to look away from Jacob. She hadn’t even wanted to try to tear her eyes away.

“You look pretty,” a small voice said from close by. The familiar softness, clearer than she remembered it being, the words more articulate, had Mae turning to find Claire. 

She wore a floor-length chiffon gown in dusty rose with asymmetrical layers of the gauzy fabric. Sleeves looped down around her arms, exposing her bare shoulders, and reminding Mae just a little of Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty. 

“Hello, Claire. Thank you. I like your dress,” she said, noting the way Claire continually twisted, making her skirt flair and swirl about her legs like she was dancing.

“Key-raw let me pick it out,” she said, over pronouncing the woman’s name. “I’m going to get married a dozen times when I grew up,” she announced, spinning in a circle with her hands clasped to her chest.

“It’s like that, huh? Poor guys,” Mae couldn’t resist saying. The girl intended to be a maneater.

“I want them all to treat me like a princess, and give me whatever I want,” Claire said boldly, her youth resulting in a distinct lack of filter for her thoughts, and a serious absence of morales.

The discrepancy between them was more pronounced than ever. The six-year-old was still very much a spoiled child with simple desires. Strange to think they’d been sort of friends only a few years earlier.

“Oh, geez, girl. Good luck with that,” Mae said, failing to suppress a chuckle. It was echoed from directly behind her.

She spun to find Jacob less than three feet away. She’d stopped looking for him the instant Claire spoke, and the suddenness of his appearance left her unsure about what to say. It’d been years since they last saw one another. Would it be awkward or would they pick up where they left off the way they always seemed to on the phone?

“Jacob,” she whispered, unable to find her voice again once his name escaped her startled lips.

His smile was the first thing she noticed. It was so inviting, friendly and… warm. There was no other way to describe it. His grin was like experiencing a sunny, summer day at the beach.

Then she noticed the beautiful woman at his side. Jacob’s arm was slung low around her waist, his hand settled comfortably on her hip conveying a familiarity that Mae didn’t want to contemplate.

Glamorous was the only way to describe the woman pinned to Jacob’s side. She could have just stepped off a New York runway. Her regal posture projected an air of sophistication that reminded Mae of Rosalie. Her waist looked impossibly tiny, and only managed to make her breasts seem even larger in the sheath dress that showcased her every asset. A riot of tight curls were pinned utop her head in an artful updo with several individual tight, tiny spirals hanging down in various places. They framed her unusually bright eyes. Extraordinary eyes the exact color of a lake she visited in New Zealand.

Inferior. Everything about the woman left Mae feeling small and insignificant. It momentarily unsettled her. Then confusion set in when she realized Jacob still had not spoken.

“You even going to say hello?” she finally demanded. He’d approached her, after all.

“Ness?” he asked, grin fading, giving way to confusion of his own. He looked from her to where Claire had wandered off to, and back again. Wait, did he seriously not recognize her? Had he not been seaking her out?

“It’s been a long time, Jake. I grew up,” she finally said, unaccountably hurt by his reaction.

“I’ll say,” he said, frowning. He looked… angry? But why?

“Babe, don’t be rude,” the woman scolded, playfully smacking his chest. Then she extended the perfectly manicured hand out to Mae. “Hi, I’m Natalie,” she offered, breezily.

“Oh, sorry, Nat. This is Renemsee… she’s related to Bella,” Jacob said, seeming to find his voice, though he stumbled through the explanation of who she was. Jacob pointed to where Bella stood talking to Charlie. Her momma grabbed grandpa’s hand to stop him when he lifted it to tug uncomfortably on the collar of his shirt, the tie resembling a noose after all of his previous tugging.

“And she is?” Natalie, Nat, asked skeptically, looking back at Jacob and giving him a look that suggested she knew he was leaving part of the story out. If she only knew. Although Mae still didn’t know everything either, so she was hardly one to talk.

“Old family friend -- we used to make mud pies together while our dads went fishing,” he said, glossing over the true depth of their connection. Or was that really how Jacob saw her family now? As part of his past, and hardly worth mentioning -- friends due to circumstance, not choice.

It was a punch to the gut, and she was grateful they seemed content to ignore her for the moment. She needed the time to compose herself.

“Aw, I see. It’s like that,” Nat said, visibly relaxing, seeming to almost sink into Jake’s side.

“She’s with that guy,” he added, nodding to where Jasper was watching their conversation proceed with piercing, attentive eyes. 

Silently, she willed her papa to relax. She was fine. It wasn’t like she planned to make a scene or actually tell Jacob about how she’d spent twenty minutes imagining kissing him instead of paying attention to Quil and Kyra. They’d been apart for so long now, and Jacob seemed to be here with someone else.

It changed everything. Again.

“You certainly know some beautiful people,” Nat murmured, looking around at the assembled vampires and wolves. They were a rather extraordinary bunch.

“I know,” Jacob declared, fixing his eyes on Natalie until she caught his double meaning.

“Flatterer,” she said, shaking her head slightly, though she leaned up on the toes of her heels to kiss him softly. Jacob pulled immediately back, but Nat’s lips followed him, deliberately prolonged the kiss, briefly slipping her tongue into Jacob’s mouth before he jerked farther away, breaking their connection. The action was another punch to the gut for Mae. It was like rubbernecking to continue watching a trainwreck, horrific, tragic, but captivating in its brutality. “Sorry, we must seem so overly demonstrative and ostentatious. New love and weddings and all that, you know?”

“Sure,” Mae said, the single word coming out fake and hollow. Brittle as spun sugar. Not to mention a flat out lie -- she didn’t actually have any experience to draw from.

“Did you bring a date?” Natalie asked, attempting to be kind and get to know someone from Jake’s life.

“No,” she admitted quietly, unable to mask her distress over the fact. It would be so nice to have someone herself, anyone to occupy her and make this moment hurt less.

“Jake! Don’t be rude, ask her to dance then. My feet are killing me, and I could use a break,” she announced, nudging Jacob towards Mae.

Of course they were. Those heels had to be five inches tall. She was practically as tall as Jacob. And all slender legs.

“Sure, sure. Have a seat, and I’ll find you in a bit, Babe,” he agreed, kissing her again before looking back at Mae. “Shall we?”

What else could she say? “Of course.”

Once they reached the dance floor, she looped her arms around his neck, and shivered when his warm hands rested on the dip of her slender waist, directly against the skin exposed in her dress. Jacob sucked in a sharp breath when he touched her, and Mae shivered involuntarily for a second time at the way his hand felt like a brand marking her as his. Together, they swayed gently, not really dancing, not like how her family did, but how the newer generations did and how several other couples nearby were dancing.

“So that’s Natalie… she’s pretty,” Mae said, trying to sound casual, and pretending she had some clue before now that Jacob was seriously seeing someone.

“Don’t I know it,” he said, releasing a single incredulous bark of laughter. Then his attention was focused on her. “I barely recognize you.”

“Jake… “ Mae breathed, feeling like she was drowning in his eyes. Unconsciously, she leaned forward, desiring the kiss she’d fantasized about.

It finally made sense why it hurt so much when he didn’t seek comfort from her after Embry’s death. When he didn’t turn to her the way the others in her family turned to their partners. Mae loved Jacob. The feeling was always there, but today it was deepening, expanding. 

It wasn’t just lust either. She could tell. Jacob made her feel alive simply by looking at her or being near. Not the way Nahuel had when he’d tempted her to behave recklessly, and be a little wild. Jacob didn’t need incentives to ignite her. 

The love she felt had just been tiny embers, left too long untended, but they still glowed. Would glow eternally. Then today happened. A soft breath exhaled, unintentionally stirring them, feeding them. They’d been getting hotter all day, gaining more fuel by the second.

She saw it. The moment he became aware of what she’d just discovered about herself. He jerked back, stumbling three steps away to put distance between them. His fingers seared her skin where they departed too quickly, robbing her of the ability to ever feel warmth in those places again. And the way he looked at her? Betrayal. Like she’d done something unspeakable. Something they couldn’t come back from.

Jacob spoke, and she felt herself reply, but the words never actually penetrated the hazy fog surrounding her brain.

~

Jasper pulled her into his arms before Jacob was even off the dance floor. His love and understanding buffered her, blocking the worst of the feelings of rejection, and allowing her to maintain her composure when surrounded by nearly a hundred people. 

Mae knew with absolute certainty that Jacob hadn’t intentionally hurt her. She’d just caught him off guard, and he wasn’t prepared to defuse her sudden revelation and bombardment of emotional baggage. Not while his date waited for him at a nearby table. 

“I was never supposed to fall for him, was I?” she whispered, resting her cheek against Jazz’s chest as they swayed, his gift and solid support preventing her from truly feeling like she’d just experienced her first heartbreak.

“In all my years, I’ve learned that it’s nearly impossible to control your emotions when it comes to who you love,” Jazz said quietly, trying not to draw the attention of the rest of her family.

“He doesn’t feel the same,” Mae lamented. After watching her family so in love, she longed to experience the same. 

“Not right now, no. Not the way you want him to. And you definitely unsettled him tonight,” he admitted. “He might never feel that way. But someday, he might. You never know,” Jasper said sagely, unwilling to get her hopes up without also being pragmatic about the reality of the situation. The response was so like him.

“Forever is a long time,” Mae said, contemplating what this meant for her. Mae used her gift to show Jazz a series of images all indicating and radiating a sense of time passing, and the subject changing so much it barely resembled what it started as.

“It is,” he agreed, tucking a loose curl behind her ear. “A lot can happen, you’re right. There’s no need to rush,” he added, though he knew better than most how anxious she was to find love. “I don’t want to hurt you, or make presumptions, but, poppet, I really don’t think you’re ready for what you’re wanting with Jacob. Not yet.”

“But --”

“You’re just like your mother,” Jazz interjected softly.

“What do you mean?” Mae asked, curious now.

“Bella let herself get consumed until her entire life revolved around Edward and she needed him to be happy,” Jazz said, lowering his voice even more. No one ever told her about her parents before she came along. Hearing about them now, further took her mind off of Jacob’s rejection.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing. She loved him,” Mae pointed out.

“She didn’t entirely know herself yet. It meant there were times, not often but more often than it should have happened, that she got too swept up and her voice was lost, because she didn’t know her own mind well enough to advocate for herself. But more than that, she didn’t know how to be happy without him. Her joy was entirely contingent on him,” Jazz explained. 

“What changed for her?”

“She found other sources of joy to balance her life -- being a Cullen, a vampire, your mother,” he said, emphasizing the last.

“She found you, and you encourage those other pursuits,” Mae said, recognizing how Bella seemed to be more engaged than the other Cullens. There were times Mae saw them sitting, staring into space for hours at a time, obviously bored. Carlisle, with his work at the hospital, was the only other one not prone to impersonating a statue.

Bella divided her day among the various things she enjoyed, and honestly seemed the happiest in her family. Although, after Seth joined them, Mae didn’t really see Alice enough to judge if she’d changed on a more regular basis. She suspected Alice could rival Bella now, though she’d been the most sullen before Seth joined them permanently.

Edward was far more selfish than Jasper. He likely wanted to keep all of Bella’s attention on him. It was an unkind, though no less true, analysis of her father. Hopefully, he was properly distracted and the thought had gone unheard.

“I don’t want you to only experience happiness because of Jacob. You have to discover what else can make you happy before you go down that path.”

“Maybe,” she allowed, still off balance by the intensity of the reaction he’d inspired in her. Perhaps that alone was proof to support Jazz’s conclusion. “Assuming he’s even ever willing.”

“I wouldn’t give up hope yet, but I do suggest you put thoughts of him aside for now, and enjoy the journey in the meantime,” Jazz suggested, bending to kiss the top of her head.

They danced for two more songs, Jasper letting her think over their conversation in peace while he subtly diffused the ache in her chest, helping her chip away at it slowly so the pain wouldn’t rush back in the moment he stopped.

The timing wasn’t right for her and Jacob. It might never be right. She’d seen the way he looked at Natalie. He wanted her. He could easily choose to stop phasing and live out his days with her. Or he might not.

Regardless, Mae couldn’t just wait for something that may never come to pass. She’d have to live her own life. Figure out what made her happy. Figure out her own mind, away from the influence of her family. Possibly even see if there was another out there that could offer her at least a fraction as much potential happiness.

~

October

One day during fall break, Mae convinced Alice and Seth to go visit Leah with her. Bella and Jazz were spending a couple days away hunting, while she stayed at the main house, and Edward was in town with Carlisle, so Leah had called her. They hadn’t spent much time just the two of them since Edward moved in with her after his stay in Italy. It’d be nice spending time with her friend instead of almost step-mom.

“Did Brady tell you about his new girlfriend?” Leah asked Seth, sneering a little as she said the word girlfriend.

“Yeah. She’s from Forks, right?” Seth agreed, nodding, though he looked troubled by the news. “It won’t end well. Mom said Sam ordered him to end it since she’s not his imprint.”

“Of course he did,” she spat, shaking her head. She bit her lip, reluctant to make any concession where Sam was concerned, but after sighing, acknowledged, “But he’s not entirely wrong. She lives too close to the rez. What if she puts the clues together and figures out the truth the way Bella did with Jacob? Not everyone would react the way she did.”

“Momma figured out he was a wolf?” Mae asked as they sat gathered around a card table playing Phase 10. Mae loved how frustrated Alice got when she played against her or the wolves.

“Uh, yeah. We weren’t allowed to tell anyone, but she already knew about vampires and our stories, so she put the pieces together,” Seth explained.

“Of course she did. They were best friends. She had to have noticed,” MAe said, watching Leah and Seth exchange looks at her words.

“Next round?” Alice suggested, shuffling the cards.

“Leah, will you tell me how Jacob and Momma came to be such good friends?” Mae said, knowing Leah was the most frank of the group, and the one least likely to deny her request.

It was a topic that had been plaguing her. Jake’s comment about mud pies at Quil’s wedding had struck her as odd at the time, but even more so when she thought of it later. Others had mentioned Bella and Jacob were friends while she was human, but no one had ever really told the story of how that came to be. And somehow she doubted it included mud pies. Bella had spent the majority of her childhood in Phoenix with Grandma Renee, not in Forks. And with the animosity between the vampires and wolves, plus Bella’s relationship with Edward -- something didn’t add up. 

“Also how Momma and Papa ended up together,” Mae added impulsively. It was another story she’d never heard.

Leah looked startled to be asked, then immediately reluctant. Mae watched as Leah looked to her brother for help.

“Oh, you are so on your own for this one. I don’t want to piss anyone off,” Seth said, holding his hands up, not even noticing how Alice took advantage to glance over his cards.

“Ditto. Edward already gives me a hard time for oversharing,” Alice announced, laying down several cards and drawing a new one from the top of the deck. “I just ask that you keep in mind who you are telling,” Alice requested, prompting Leah to get on with answering Mae.

“Whatever. It’s not that big a deal now.” With a heavy sigh, Leah asked, “You know Bella and Edward were together once upon a time, right?”

“Obviously,” Mae said dryly, gesturing at herself.

“Well… “ Leah paused, face scrunching as she looked at Alice.

“Not as easy as you thought?” Alice asked, nodding. Did something happen?

“I just don’t know where to start,” Leah said, clearly frustrated. 

“Were Momma and Jacob friends before she met Dad?” 

“Not really. He’s a lot younger, and didn’t go to the same school,” she said, shrugging. Now Mae was more confused.

“Then why would she become friends with a wolf if she was dating a vampire?” 

“Jacob wasn’t a wolf yet,” Leah said, face closing off. “They became friends before he shifted.”

“So it’s Momma’s fault that Jacob became a wolf? Did she make him hang out with Edward?”

“No, it’s no one’s fault,” Leah said, glancing away as she spoke. Obviously she did blame someone. Probably Mae’s family. But she was no longer resentful of them, so she was letting it go. “Look, just let me tell you. Stop with the questions.”

“Sorry,” she muttered sheepishly, “go on.”

“Jasper almost killed Bella when she was still human --”

“Papa would never hurt --”

“It was an accident, Mae. She got hurt unexpectedly, and the blood… “ Alice interrupted, gently explaining. Her tiny face was scrunched mournfully. Mae could just imagine the guilt Jazz must have experienced after almost hurting Bella. Imagine how different things would be if he’d succeeded in killing her. The thought sent a cold chill down her spine. 

“Oh,” she said softly, nodding. She knew Jazz struggled the most. It was why he hunted twice as much as the others.

“Edward decided we should all leave to keep her safe -- so she could live out a human life,” Alice said, taking over for Leah. This part was about the Cullens, not the wolves anyways.

“But Momma… ” Mae breathed, unable to imagine her taking getting left behind well. The family, and being one of them, was everything to her. Nothing else mattered as much. 

It wasn’t hard to believe Edward had taken off. She already knew that was what he did when things got tough. It was the rest of the family going along with his decision that threw her. Bella was one of them. Would they ever abandon Mae or was she safe because she couldn’t live a human life?

“Didn’t take it well, yeah,” Seth agreed, wincing. His face was a mask of pain at whatever memory was playing through his head.

“And Jake picked up the pieces,” Leah explained, pausing to glance meaningfully at Seth before she took a deep breath. “They got really close then,” she added with heavy emphasis.

“You mean they… ” Mae whispered, understanding. Was that why Jake had been horrified when confronted with her feelings? Was he still hung up on Bella? Did that mean their friendship was a lie or --

“More, they were friends that got off track because of several near death scenarios, and your dad’s penchant for drama,” Leah explained quickly. “It never really went anywhere, and was over before it started.”

“After you came along things righted themselves, you know that,” Alice said, watching Mae sadly. Thoughts cycloned through her mind, too fast to identify. No wonder no one had ever told her anything. Alice continued, elaborating when Mae failed to ask for more details herself. Honestly, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know. Ignorance is bliss, and all that. “Bella fell in love with Jazz, and Jacob imprinted. That was the real reason he and Bella got so close. So he could help her stay alive long enough to have you. Bella was a bit of a danger magnet back then.”

“Jacob hasn’t thought of her like that in years,” Seth added, tapping his head to remind Mae that he knew from being in the pack mind. What did it matter if he did though? It wasn’t like he thought of her that way either.

“Right. Of course not,” Mae said absently, at a loss for words. She was floundering under the weight of the new information. It was like wading through cement. The implications dragged her down, trapping her in the sludge.

It would take a while to sort through what she’d learned, and decide what it meant for her. But she’d prefer privacy to do it in.

“I’m sorry I mentioned them,” Leah muttered darkly. Probably worried about how Edward was going to react when he got back, or about telling Jake next time they phased together.

~

January

After the wedding, Jacob didn’t call. Not that day. Not that week. Not that month. Or the next. Or the one after that. Not even for her birthday or Christmas that year. Not even when he sent her gifts of a crystal ball to use for her photography along with new lighting supplies for the two occasions. 

All she got was a single text wishing her a happy birthday, and a promise that he would always be there for her if she needed it. The text was nice, but she was too embarrassed to reply to it at the time. The wedding, less than two weeks earlier, was too fresh in her mind. 

With nothing else to occupy her time, she’d lost herself in art. It was better than dwelling on what she’d learned of her family’s past. Ultimately, she’d come to the conclusion that obviously things had changed, and it didn’t really matter anymore, because neither Bella nor Jacob had feelings for the other anymore. She had years of interactions to serve as proof. Their respective pasts didn’t change how they felt about her, or changed the relationship she had with either of them. 

Of course, it had taken her several months to come to this conclusion, but what really mattered was that she was there now. And she was at peace with it. 

Art had helped her sort through it all. She was really progressing. Photography was incredible, but sometimes she wished to tell more of the story. Short, one or two minute films were her latest obsession. Edward had gotten her a new laptop and editing software so she could indulge and make them. Each one turned out better than the last.

She’d been working on this one since her visit to see Billy in November. In it, Thomas pretended to be a wolf while play-pouncing on Paul, who actually was in wolf form. Rachel and Billy sat off in the distance watching the two jump around. Working on it made her feel closer to Jacob, despite the strain in their relationship. She actually preferred this to really talking to him. It was easier, less fraught with tension and questions -- particularly while she’d been sorting through all the new revelations.

It wasn’t until Jake’s birthday in January that they spoke again. 

And only then because she called him.

She half expected him not to take her call. But he answered on the first ring, like he’d been waiting for it to happen. She’d sent him a copy of the finished short film. 

“Thank you. I got it yesterday, and watched it on repeat all evening,” Jacob said before even saying hello.

“Really?” Mae asked, surprised he’d liked it so much.

“There was a sense of inevitability about it. So much acceptance too. I wish I’d grown up viewing our ancestory that way -- you captured it perfectly,” he breathed, putting exactly what she’d been aiming for into words.

“I wrote the song that played in the background for it too,” she admitted shyly. It was one of her first attempts at composing. Normally, she’d just play, letting the notes reflect her mood. This had been a deliberate effort on her part.

“It was beautiful,” Jacob said sincerely.

“I’m not as good as my dad,” Mae said, brushing off the praise. It reminded her of how she’d felt being with him at the wedding. She did not want to fall back into that bottomless well. She couldn’t let herself get sucked down.

“You’re well on your way. I found it very moving,” he countered, threatening her composure.

“Leah’s been tormenting him,” Mae said, changing the subject.

“Do I want to ask?” he said, a husky chuckle escaping.

“Probably not. She thinks he’s too uptight,” Mae relayed, wondering how much of this he already knew from the pack mind.

“He is,” Jacob agreed immediately. 

She knew he didn’t hate Edward, but he wasn’t a fan either. And now she understood why. He’d be happily married to Bella, probably with a kid on the way like Quil if Edward hadn’t come back into the picture. And Mae wouldn’t even exist.

“Be grateful you’re far away,” she said with false lightness, determined not to dwell on all she’d learned.

“Be grateful you never have to be in her head,” Jacob muttered, confirming her earlier thought.

“Quil’s the one giving her ideas, isn’t he?” Mae asked, knowing he was the most devious of Jake’s pack.

“You guessed it,” he said, laughing freely, and making her smile too. It was nice catching up. Easy to fall back into their usual patterns.

“Speaking of Leah, I don’t have feelings for Bella -- not anymore. I… I guess I just thought you should know,” Jacob said uncomfortably. She didn’t know why he’d felt the need to clarify that.

“I know,” Mae said, believing him. It confirmed the conclusion she’d already come to on her own.

“Right. Good. Well, Nat’s waiting, so I should go,” Jacob said quietly, almost regretfully.

“Enjoy your birthday. Bye, Jacob,” Mae said, hanging up.

~

February

Mae watched as Emmett danced around, arms raised over his head to intimidate the bear he’d deliberately provoked. Her uncle was her favorite to hunt with since Jacob left. He always put effort into making it entertaining. That took away some of the downsides of consuming a bland, unappealing meal.

Currently, the Northern lights were flashing green overhead. Mae tipped her head back, watching the dancing, shifting streaks rather than the predictable wrestling match. They were beautiful. She wondered if Jacob had ever seen them or if he’d ever want to. 

It wasn’t often she thought of him. Less than a handful of times since she’d processed everything, but he was on her mind today. Perhaps because she’d overheard Seth and Leah talking about how serious he and Natalie already were only a couple hours ago. Seth was convinced it was the real deal, the forever sort of love. Leah called her alpha a number of unflattering names, but stopped when Seth asked what would happen if Jake actually married her one day. Neither had an answer to that apparently, because neither commented. 

It wasn’t a future Mae wanted to consider, but it didn’t hurt as much as she’d expected it to either.

“Yo, Mae! This is supposed to be fun,” Em called, easily knocking the clawed hand away before it raked uselessly against his stone skin. “You’re not even paying attention.”

“It’s not like I’ll ever get to wrestle bears myself,” Mae replied, adding in a disgruntled mutter, “I’m relegated to watching.”

“Yeah, well… you could actually get hurt -- unlike me, and you see Jasper… I mean -- he’d literally kill me. Like seriously destroy and burn the pieces if I ever even considered,” Em said, stumbling through a refusal, and honestly looking a little terrified. None of the family said no to her. Not that she ever really asked for anything, but it was interesting watching him make the attempt now. If it was anything else, anything without the very serious threat of her papa’s wrath hanging over him, she doubted he’d deny her.

“It’s okay, Uncle Em. I know I can’t,” she said, letting him off the hook. 

“It was hard enough convincing him I’m trustworthy enough to take you hunting in the first place,” Em grumbled, letting the bear take off, momentarily surrendering his prey as he came over to sit with her.

“What are you talking about?”

“Jazz is great, my favorite brother -- don’t tell your dad -- but he struggles trusting anyone to protect you without being there to oversee them.”

“He let Jacob take me to South America,” Mae pointed out.

“Because it’s Jake. You’re his. Losing you would probably kill him,” Emmett said with unusual seriousness.

“I don’t understand. He’s gone,” Mae said quietly. Not saying what she really wanted to say, He didn’t want me. It couldn’t be that big a deal or he’d have stuck around. Em nodded absently, seeming to think about how to explain.

“You know how you’re growing up super fast?” When she nodded, he continued. “Well, it’s hard for him to keep up with, and juggle what you need from him when there are so many contradictions in place. It takes time for the heart, head, and reality to get on the same page, and that couldn’t happen if he stayed here and watched it happen. His leaving was the only way he’d ever be able to see you differently -- the way I know you want him to,” Emmett said bluntly, laying it out there and smashing through her no fly zones like a bull in a china shop. It was right in line with his style of approach to problems.

She could try to deny it, but he’d fearlessly call her on the outright lie. The way he discussed Jacob’s view of her reminded her of the conversation she’d once had with Embry.

“Embry once said I have power over Jacob. He was going to explain, but then he… “

“Yeah… “ Emmett breathed, rubbing his face, then plowing on. He didn’t linger in the past. That wasn’t his way. “He was right. You do. It’s the result of imprinting that no one has ever really explained to you. Your needs will always come first,” he revealed, sharing more about imprinting in those few sentences than anyone else ever had before.

“I’ve seen Paul and Rachel together. They still fight and argue -- a lot,” Mae contradicted.

“I didn’t say he’d just roll over for you. It’s not blind obedience and devotion. But your safety and happiness are his top priorities,” Em stated matter-of-factly. It made her feel better to think she wasn’t controlling him, that he still had free will. That was part of why she wanted him to leave in the first place. The idea of him being a bound slave was revolting. She didn’t ask for that or want it. He deserved to be free to make his own choices. Em made it sound like he could, which was a very good thing.

“Why did he imprint on me?”

“Do you remember when you two used to hang out a lot?”

“Of course,” she replied immediately. He starred in all of her favorite memories. Days spent with Jacob were the happiest of her short life.

“It was always a blast. You understand each other, even now. Find a lot of the same things funny. Enjoy similar activities. You complement one another, always have,” Emmett said, confirming what she’d always believed to be true. “Fate knew you’d get along, and that it wouldn’t be a hardship to spend time together,” he added, chuckling over a private thought that he didn’t share even after he noted her inquiring glance.

“Thanks,” she said, grateful he’d helped her see imprinting, or rather her and Jacob’s imprinting in a new light. It seemed less constrictive and ill-fated now.

“I’ve never agreed with keeping things involving you so hush hush. I was glad Leah took one for the team and spilled about Bella and Jacob’s past -- not that it was ever really much more than misunderstandings and circumstance. Everyone’s insistence on waiting until you’re older is laughable -- you’re Bella’s age already, and she was such an opinionated little thing. Why would you be any different? It’s not that big a deal, but uh, don’t tell Rosie. She won’t admit she likes Jacob, even though she does, but she’s still holding out hope that you’ll fall for a vampire instead,” he said, ruffling her hair.

“I don’t --” Mae tried to deny, not wanting to talk about her secret hope of Jacob falling in love with her someday.

“Right,” he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes and standing up. “That bear has probably gotten a good enough head start now. Race you?” he challenged, all traces of the seriousness from moments ago gone.

~

March

Mae was looking at the pictures Rachel had sent of Kyra with Quil Jr. Poor kid, getting stuck with that name too. The best picture was the one where the infant was tugging on one of Kyra’s shoulder-length box braids, their startled expressions, complete with gaping mouths, perfectly matching. It was adorable. 

She’d given birth a few weeks ago, but this was the first Mae had seen of the baby. Alice, Seth, Leah, and Bella were taking her to Forks for spring break. It’d be weird going without her fathers, but Emmett was taking the two out for an extended hunting trip -- Cullen brothers only. Seth was invited too, but he’d declined, preferring to visit his mother.

“Hello?” she asked, distracted by the picture when her cell rang.

“How have you spent your day, Renesmee?” Nahuel asked formally. He hadn’t entirely gotten the hang of using the phone yet.

Ever since her realization of her feelings for Jacob, it was harder for her to talk to Nahuel. It felt like she was trying to force herself to feel something she didn’t -- forcing herself to think of him romantically. It’d been easy to consider before the wedding, but now it seemed impossible.

“I… I have done nothing noteworthy at all. I can’t even say I’ve done anything meaningful for months now,” Mae said, taking inventory, and coming up lacking.

“Why do you remain where you are when you’re so obviously miserable?” he asked. Nahuel was forever questioning her, pushing her to explore more -- about herself and the world apart from her family. Sometimes the push was welcome. 

Other times… not.

“I’m not going to abandon my family,” Mae refused, the very idea of taking off without them chafing her raw and reminding her unpleasantly of when she’d been younger and forced to leave them. It also reminded her of when they’d left Bella behind. The thoughts were unwelcome to say the least.

“Is it wrong for you to desire a life of your own?” he asked calmly, reasonably. It only seemed to rile her up more.

“How would you know? You’re every bit as sheltered as I am,” she accused, disliking how high-handed he could come across at times. 

“Perhaps. But at least I don’t deny my basic nature,” he said smoothly.

“You mean feeding from humans,” she guessed. They’d had this conversation a few times now. It confounded her that he seemed unwilling to let it go. That he didn’t understand her side.

“Why do you choose to abstain again?”

“It’s wrong,” Mae said sharply, the two words clipped, demanding he drop it. He didn’t.

“It’s not. It’s what we are. You’re not venomous. You could feed without killing if you’re that hung up on the ethics of it all. Where is the harm in that?” His tone was so persuasive. Alluring. 

The idea of drinking human blood instead of the bland animal blood she settled for made her mouth water. Only the knowledge of how disappointed her family would be in her kept her from thinking about it for more than two seconds.

“Not going to happen. Why do you keep asking?”

“Because… you have yet to make the decision for yourself. You still insist on allowing your family’s opinions to make your decisions for you,” he accused. It wasn’t that. Not precisely. She just couldn’t imagine doing anything that might result in them being disappointed in her. It was different… surely. 

“You’re wrong,” she said, with a touch less conviction than her voice had previously held.

“One day you’ll see for yourself,” he said lightly, seeming ready to drop the subject for now.

“Any other suggestions on pursuits you think would be worthwhile for me to pursue?” she said, making it clear the conversation was over if he didn’t come up with something else to suggest.

He chuckled, not deterred in the least. He was incorrigible. “There’s always college -- your family thrives on education.”

Part of her recognized he was lightly mocking how they constantly repeated high school, but the words weren’t edged in cutting barbs.

“That’s actually not a bad suggestion,” she said, thinking how that would go over with Bella. Her momma would probably want her to wait until she’d completely stopped aging before she started, but that’d mean approximately two more years of waiting. At least college would provide ample diversions, and give her a chance to live her life.

“Did you doubt I was capable?”

“I just didn’t realize you’d be so apt at predicting what would interest me,” she said, mildly surprised.

“Renesmee,” he said seriously, emphasizing his next words, “we are friends.”

~

April

“Mom? Papa -- both Dads actually? I have to tell you something,” Mae said cautiously. 

She was seated at Esme’s dining room table. Sitting there made the conversation she was about to have seem more formal. Perhaps they’d take her more seriously if she was seated at the head of the table when they came in. Bella was playing a complicated version of chess with Carlisle. Jazz was outside wrestling with Emmett. And Edward was playing piano for Esme.

They were enjoying some family time at the main house. It had seemed like the perfect opportunity to talk to all three at once since Edward rarely came by the home she shared with Bella and Jazz. Probably because of the history between the three.

The three filed into the room and were seated before she had a chance to blink. All right, moment of truth.

“Oh?” Jazz murmured, brow wrinkling at her nervous distress. 

Instantly, the urge to fidget vanished and she relaxed, sitting up straighter and feeling more confident about sharing her plan. She smiled at Jasper in thanks for the discrete assistance. He winked conspiratorially. Eventually, everyone would need to be included in the preparations and move to Wyoming, but for now, this was a conversation she needed to have with her parents.

“Why there?” Edward asked, reading her mind and catching hold of her stray thoughts revealing her intentions.

“I applied to college -- in Wyoming,” Mae announced.

No one said anything, but Bella and Jasper exchanged knowing looks. They must have already discussed this possibility.

“I hate Alaska. I don’t want to stay here -- not a moment longer than I have to. And I got in. I lied -- said I was homeschooled, forged some records, took a couple tests, and I got in. Please support me,” Mae continued, holding her hands out, palms up. Bella immediately took one, and Edward took the other from his place across from Bella and Jazz.

She’d wanted everything in place so they’d not have any reason to refuse. She’d taken all of her family's preferences into account when choosing where to go so they could move close by, knowing how important that would be. This wasn’t an either or situation. She didn’t want to take off to grow up, she wanted them to grow with her, adapt and relearn how she fit into the dynamics of the family.

“I wish you’d just talked to us,” Bella whispered, frowning slightly. 

“We could have made it easier on you,” Jazz agreed. “I could have acquired all of the necessary documents for you.”

It was that moment that she truly relaxed -- without Jazz’s help. She was relieved they were not going to fight her on this decision. She could make friends, do things without the family. Figure out what she liked and hated. Form opinions without her family’s influence -- as Nahuel kept insisting she needed to learn how to do. Date, fall in love -- a dozen times over if necessary. It’d probably take that to find a suitable replacement. 

Edward frowned at that thought, looking deeply troubled and stricken. Mae ignored him, unwilling to discuss Jacob, or the many college guys she planned to audition for the role of boyfriend and possibly lover. 

Aside from the conversation she’d had while dancing with Jasper and the one while hunting with Emmett, the subject of her feelings was closed. She would not, in any way, talk about Jacob with anyone in her family. Not even Seth or Leah. Perhaps even especially not with them since it would get back to Jacob. Things were what they were, and she was dealing. Let everyone think she’d moved on. That was her plan, and for the most part she already had, so she just wanted everyone to pretend she’d never reacted to Jake at all. 

“Well now I know how to do it in case I ever need to again,” she said dismissively, proud of all that she’d accomplished without their influence and help. “Wyoming is a good choice for us, isn’t it?”

Bella subtly relaxed. Mae guessed she was worried that Mae hadn’t intended them to come with her.

“Seth will need to transfer,” Jasper mused, contemplating a list of necessary tasks required to be completed before they moved. “Or he and Alice could join us in a year.”

“They’ll want to come,” Edward said knowingly. Probably he was reading their thoughts as they listened in from the other rooms in the house.

He looked pained, regretful.

“Edward?” Jasper prodded, tasting the mood his brother was projecting.

“This is your chance, Renesmee,” he said softly, releasing Mae’s hand to cup her cheek.

“You understand?” she asked, wondering if he wanted to disagree with her choice, but wasn’t because Bella was already on board. He tried not to side against Bella with things regarding Mae. He understood that his actions made Bella the primary parent, and ultimately she had final say in how Mae was raised. He didn’t go against Jazz either, for the same reasons likely.

Was it a form of self-punishment or because he heard the ins and outs of their sides first and actually agreed?

“Typically the latter, occasionally the former. And, yes, I do understand,” he confirmed, closing his eyes before adding, “I’ll stay here. To give you the space you need to thrive. You won’t be able to if you censor your choices based on my gift. You should go to school, live in the dorms, change your major a few times. A human experience -- or as close to as possible.”

“Dorms?” Bella breathed, suddenly distressed. A strangled whimper escaped her clenched jaw.

The misery ate at Mae. They weren’t putting up the expected fight. Edward’s announcement that he’d stay behind meant her mind-reader father wouldn’t be there to make her second-guess her every decision. She could sacrifice at least one small thing.

“I thought I could live at home still. At least for a few more years,” Mae said, acting as though this weren’t a new development. “But the rest, yes.”

“Thank you, Poppet,” Jasper murmured, sensing the truth and winking subtly at her while Bella was busy sighing in relief.

“I love you guys -- all three of you,” Mae said, grateful that she was lucky enough to have them as her family.

~

July

This move was completely different from the last one. Everyone seemed more excited, largely due to the fact Mae herself was so enthusiastic about it. Possibilities stretched before her. Only Seth would be on campus with her, and since he was in his final year before med school, he’d be too busy to check up on her overly much. He and Alice had gone straight from their California visit to see Jacob to Wyoming where they were house hunting. 

Mae couldn’t wait to join them. She was about to experience fun, freedom, and friends. 

Her parents and Alice had considered going back to high school, but decided to wait for one more move since Esme said the two couples still needed to live elsewhere, seeing as they were so new and exuberant. Only Rosalie and Emmett would be living with Carlisle and Esme this time. Their new homes were all near each other, and Edward even gave her a car to make it easier to commute to and from campus. Rose had promised to teach her about the engine so she could take care of the upkeep herself, and make any improvements she felt necessary to be able to drive it faster.

It was their last night in Alaska, and Mae was spending it alone with Edward. He and Leah had already spent the day with her, but the female wolf had taken off to give Edward some time alone with his daughter.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with? I don’t mind the constant, unrelenting invasion of privacy,” Mae teased, nudging Edward’s shoulder with her own.

It wasn’t that impossible. And already they’d spent years apart. Knowing they’d have forever to make up for it all didn’t mean she wanted to add more missed time first.

“You’re going to start dating. I’m not that evolved. I’d kill the first man that had inappropriate thoughts or tried anything -- even if you wanted him to,” he stated, deadly serious. “I’ve heard too many filthy and perverted thoughts over the years. I can’t handle them directed at you, my baby girl.”

“I’ll work on redirecting my thoughts, but I’m not a little kid anymore. Someday you’ll have to learn to handle it so we can be together,” she said firmly. Sympathy only eased her towards his position so much when it came to this topic. She would not be alone forever. And thanks to her aunts and Bella’s influence, she was very modern in her view of sexual relationships, and what was acceptable with a person she loved -- even before marriage.

“I know. Trust me, I am very aware of all of it,” Edward moaned, expression twisted with pain. Leah was a saint for putting up with him. That stray thought earned her a glare, and brought Edward back around to the current subject. “Jasper is better at controlling himself when it comes to this though -- never thought I’d find myself wishing for his control,” he said ruefully, then begged, “Please, just promise me you won’t rush into anything. Times are different, but I’m still… old-fashioned when it comes to matters of the heart.”

Oh boy, did she know it. Rosalie had revealed a bit much on the subject when she’d taken Mae shopping for her first bra not long after Jacob had moved to California. They’d still been in Forks at the time. It was much easier to acknowledge without blushing and stammering now than it had been then.

She even went so far as to tease, “That’s why you’re living with Auntie Leah?”

A flash of pain crossed Edward’s face. There and gone in a blink. So fast she could have sworn she imagined it. Would have, if not for the subtle tension she’d witnessed between the pair all day.

“What is it?” Mae prompted, lightly touching his arm in concern. “Has something happened with Leah?”

“That’s another reason I’d like to stay here. I’m not sure how much longer Leah is planning to continue phasing,” he admitted. A silent debate warred within him. How much was too much to share with his daughter? In the end, he confessed the gist at least -- Mae deserved to be included at least that much. “Once she stops, she’ll probably move away. Selfishly, I want her all to myself for as long as possible.”

“Why would she stop now? It’s not like she has to by a certain time,” Mae remarked, stunned by the revelation. She’d not expected this. Leah was her friend, and she’d not once let on that she was thinking about this. Mae assumed only Edward’s gift had betrayed her secret.

“We don’t run together anymore. She spends less and less time phased. And I’ve heard her thoughts. She’s worried that I’ll try to convince her to change her mind about the life she’s chosen for her future,” he said quietly, shamefully. So maybe he had considered it.

He was already shaking his head in denial, but still she asked, “Would you try?”

“No. I’ll stay with her until she outgrows me, but I’d never stop her from wanting to live a human life. It’s the only right path for someone with a choice,” he said, firm in his belief.

“Then you should enjoy the time you have, for however long it lasts,” Mae agreed, offering her blessing in his decision to stay behind.

“Have I told you how proud I am of you?”

“Dad… “

“I look at you, and I’m reminded that there is goodness within me. It must exist for me to have been able to create you,” he said, awed as he gently cupped her cheek. “You give my life meaning.”

“I love you, Daddy.”


	8. 8: Why does everyone think they have the right to question my life choices? - Jacob

Author’s Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think! 

So I have theme songs for every chapter of this story, that I'm going to go back and add because I keep forgetting, but the song for this chapter is _I Should Go_ by Levi Kreis. I hope you listen to it, because the lyrics are absolutely perfect for Jake and Mae's reunion.

PS I’m not Stephenie Meyer, so I don’t own anything :(

~

Ch 8: Why does everyone think they have the right to question my life choices? - Jacob

Year 4 - 2009-2010

July

Natalie got the job, a public relations representative for Pacific Beats, a local recording studio. Not that he was surprised. She looked like she’d just stepped off a runway. What better way to advertise than use a memorable face? 

From that very first date, he was hooked.

Natalie took him by storm. She was constantly busy, attending parties to keep an eye on clients, searching for new talent at local bars and clubs, blasting the social media world with information about the company's musicians. A vivacious force of nature in heels and a skirt, with a tablet always at the ready. 

Jacob could honestly say he’d never met anyone like her before. She was bold, confident, sleek and sexy with an infectious laugh that no one within hearing distance was immune to. Not to mention three years older than him, and way out of his league. 

She didn’t seem to realize it though, and he certainly had no intention of telling her. They’d gone to dinner that night, meeting up after he’d gone home to shower. Dinner had turned into dancing, followed by a stroll on the beach. They’d talked all night and watched the sunrise from the cliffs overlooking sea lions playing in the water before grabbing breakfast afterwards.

A nonstop series of texts the next day ended with her coming by later that night. They’d not left his bed for two days, except to eat and once to shower together -- not until he had to go to work. Then that following week they spent nearly every minute together, enjoying her last few days off before she started her new position.

Once she did, Jacob found himself attending promotional events and parties with people he’d never met or previously desired to meet -- it was a whole world away from the life he’d always lived. New, more stylish clothes he’d never waste money purchasing found their way into his wardrobe for him to wear when he accompanied her -- she’d picked up on his aversion to expensive gifts after the first time she’d presented a new outfit, and now just sneakily snuck them into his closet and drawers as if they’d been there all along. Nat insisted he made good arm candy, and watching her work over a room, charming each person she spoke with was a huge turn on. 

She made him feel significant just by being near her. He didn’t have to fight to be the one she chose -- he just was. And that was knowing she had other options. A lot of other options. It was a heady feeling. One that made him understand what Seth had meant about Alice.

He’d only really known shy and unassuming girls before Natalie. Small town people, content to remain surrounded by the only life they’d ever known. Bella had been a little different, but she too was just Bella. Sweet, shy, a little more adventurous than some others, a danger magnet undeniably, but mostly ordinary. That in no way described Nat.

Certainly, he’d met others during the last couple years, but he’d not taken the time to get to know them. Not really. He just didn’t see them. Not even Jo. He saw Natalie. She was impossible to miss. A flashing billboard in Times Square compared to the numerous Sharpie posters in store windows.

Nearly a month passed before Jacob realized he’d gone the entire time without phasing once. It was actually a concerned call from Leah that alerted him to the fact, and as soon as she mentioned it, he detected the deep gnawing in his bones and the stinging prickling in his skin. Her words were a catalyst immediately demanding he shift. It persisted, worsening by the hour to the point that as soon as Aiden left for the day, he moved the furniture in the living room and shifted in his apartment just to make it stop. Apparently, his body didn’t appreciate going so long without shifting. He’d have to be more careful in the future, and get back to his normal routine.

Most of his pack still got together every weekend ever since his talk with Seth a few years ago, so they could run together despite the physical distance separating them. But since he met Natalie, he’d slept in with her instead of finding a forest each Sunday morning because they’d stayed out so late the night before. Cuddling up with her nestled within his arms was infinitely more appealing than crawling out of bed at the crack of dawn.

“Babe? I’m going hiking this Sunday. Want to come?”

He didn’t know why he asked. Having her along would defeat the purpose. It wasn’t like he could shift with her there, but he also didn’t want to leave her behind. It’d be nice to share his love of the outdoors with her. There were days he nearly ached with missing the Olympic Peninsula forests. The lands of his people that he’d protected with the help of their magic. The freedom and joy in running full out, faster than the fastest human. Racing the wind. Being surrounded with crisp, clean air. Getting pelted with cooling liquid drops of rain that nearly boiled as they streaked down his arms or chest.

Nat was sitting at his desk, a mirror rimmed in a glowing LED light propped against the wall and a makeup bag open in front of her, with a pot of some colored goop that she’d been carefully dabbed around her eyes in her hands. She paused to glance over her shoulder at him, utterly incredulous by the suggestion.

“Do I strike you as the outdoorsy type?” she asked carefully, eyebrows pinched together over her nose as if worried she was staring at a mental patient recently escaped from an asylum.

Honestly, Jacob was beginning to doubt she owned any shoes that weren’t heeled boots or stilettos. And she always wore dresses or skirts. Once she’d worn a pair of super short, high waisted navy and white striped shorts with a tiny, white lace crop top that he’d been unable to keep from staring at her butt in. But nothing he’d seen thus far lent itself to be worn in the woods. She was too polished and fancy for that.

“Honestly? No. Not at all,” he admitted, earning him a ‘duh’ look.

Made sense considering he already knew she couldn’t swim either, and had no intention of ever learning how. Her older sister, Madeline, was afraid of the water, and her fear of it growing up had rubbed off on Nat and left an indelible impression. He’d failed to talk her into letting him teach her last week. She refused to do more than walk through the frothy surf’s edge at the beach and would nervously laugh and immediately jump away if a rogue wave dared to splash her legs.

“That’s because I’m not. I spend a lot of money and time each week to maintain this,” she said, waving her manicured hands towards her hair then down the length of her freshly waxed legs. “I’m not about to waste all that by getting sweaty, filthy, and eaten alive in the woods. Ew, just… ew.”

“Right… “ he said, unaccountably disappointed, and more than a little unsure. This was a huge chunk of his life that she was straight up saying she’d never want to be a part of. 

What did that mean for them?

“Jake, Babe, we don’t have to do everything together. We can be a couple while still doing our own thing,” she insisted, smiling indulgently at him, and setting her makeup down to turn towards him and face him head on. “I’ll have a girl’s day while you do your manly nature outing -- we can make it a regular thing,” she suggested with a shrug that dislodged the shoulder of her robe. It inched down to expose the upper swell of her breast, distracting him. 

They were supposed to be getting ready to go out, but his question interrupted her preparations. He loved watching her get ready, typically sprawling across the bed, and occasionally distracting her by kissing her exposed shoulder or spine when her robe slid off her smooth, well-lotioned skin. It was like watching an artist as she transformed herself from casually tousled and naturally beautiful to a glamorous, colorful socialite. It didn’t hurt that she did it while wearing a floral satin and lace robe that only barely concealed her at the best of times.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he said, assuming a casual air he didn’t really feel.

Natalie saw right through him, recognizing that he was bothered by her words. She crawled onto the bed, moving to kneel in front of him with her hands resting on his bare chest. “Do you know anyone that spends every second with the person they’re in love with?” she asked, deliberately emphasizing and drawing out the word every.

He wanted to say yes, because he did. Seth and Alice couldn’t handle being apart even long enough to get through a work day, choosing to share an office instead. All of the Cullens were like that, with the exception of Carlisle, but he and Esme had been together for nearly a century and still spent around twelve hours a day wrapped up with the other since they didn’t waste time sleeping. Paul, Jared, and Sam were that way as well. It was part of their supernatural natures. That desire, the pressing urge to remain close and protective at all times, was part of his nature. The couples worked because they enjoyed many of the same things.

But he couldn’t tell Nat any of that. She didn’t know his secret. And given the life she led, he couldn’t really see himself ever telling her the truth about being a wolf. It was kind of nice seeing the way she looked at him like he wasn’t a monster or freak.

“Guess not -- wait, did you say love?” he asked, stunned as her words registered after a delayed moment. They completely derailed him.

That was what he felt for her, wasn’t it? She was so incredible. Amazing. How could he not love her?

“Too soon?” she asked, biting her full bottom lip with the blunt edge of her pristine white teeth. The pale pink flesh snagged on the corner of her left tooth, giving her a nervous lopsided grin that was incongruous with her usual perfect composure and confidence.

“Perfect time,” he assured, moving to kiss her, tasting the apple she’d been munching on earlier. Lips still brushing as he replied, “I feel the same.”

He opened his mouth to say ‘I love you’, but the words stuck in his throat, and he swiftly slanted his head to kiss her again instead, parting the front of her robe as he did.

The tips of his fingers brushed the peaks of each of her nipples, and she sighed, letting her head fall back. His hands continued down to her waist, fingers circling the narrowest point. She was so lean his large hands nearly met at that one place. With a tug, he pulled her onto his lap, her legs landing outside his own to straddle him.

Lazily, she kissed him again, savoring his mouth and exploring it thoroughly, in no rush. Her back arched, pressing the rounded globes of her breasts into his warm, calloused palms.

Eventually, she broke off to lean around him, inadvertently grinding her hips against his erection as she snagged a new condom off the nightstand. Deliberately, she rolled her hips again as she sat up, passing him her prize. 

With quick, practiced movements, he had it on in no time, and his hands were back on her waist guiding her to lift up, and over him.

Torturously slow, she sunk down, taking him inside, inch by agonizing inch.

Their hands linked together, and their eyes met as she rolled her hips over him, controlling the pace and twisting slightly to press her clit against him with every downward stroke. All the while, he peppered her face with brief, tender kisses.

It was a slow building, neither racing towards the finish, but as it approached, Jacob released her hands to wrap his arms around her just as she shattered into blissful pieces in his arms. He held her shuttering form close, and pressed a final time up into her as he reached his own climax.

“I love you, Jake,” she repeated thickly, tipping her head and kissing him again.

“You too,” he said breathlessly into her mouth.

“We’re going to be late,” she groaned, pitifully.

“You’ll make an entrance. It was worth it, and it’s not like the patry ever really starts until you get there,” Jacob said, praising her and stroking her ego a bit, voice still husky from exertion.

“If only that were true,” she said, disentangling herself. “You. Shower, now,” she commanded, moving unsteadily back to his desk chair to repair the damage he’d done to her makeup with their impromptu coupling spurred by unexpected declarations.

~

August

To say Billy was shocked when Jacob arrived with his girlfriend in tow for Quil’s wedding was an understatement. The disapproval he projected was so extreme, that Nat was convinced within an hour of arriving that his dad hated her. He’d taken the excuse of wanting to show her around La Push as they walked over to Quil’s mom’s house to explain privately.

Well, more like come up with a plausible lie. He didn’t actually understand why Billy was so dead set against Natalie. He didn’t even seem to want to give her a chance. It reminded Jake of how Billy had been back when Bella first started dating Edward. Which was ridiculous. This situation was completely different. At least Billy had had a legitimate reason back then.

For someone used to being universally adored, this was an unfamiliar, and entirely unwelcome position to find herself in. “I’ve never had to worry about a boyfriend’s dad disliking me. And with you it’s even more important that he does. I don’t know what to do.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” Jacob vowed.

“Then what is it?” she asked, looking genuinely distressed over the way things were going. “I want him to approve of me -- of us. I want a future with you.”

She did? She wanted him. He could see it himself. Years of being together stretched out before them. He could see a life with her, just the two of them. It was even better than the future he’d once pictured for himself and Bella, because this time it was with someone that wanted to be with him. 

“Us sharing a room,” Jacob said, inspiration striking him, and he rolled his eyes to emphasize the ridiculousness of his dad’s supposed issue. “Last time one of his kids had a significant other in the house was Rachel, and now she has Thomas,” he said, using his sister to excuse his dad’s behavior. 

He’d have to talk to Billy later and get this sorted. Natalie was here to stay. He didn’t want things to be like they were with Rebecca, where ties were cut and they never visited. Surely Billy wouldn’t want that to happen. He and his dad were closer than Billy had ever been with the girls. But it would, if he persisted in treating Nat like this. Jake wouldn’t subject her to unwarranted disdain.

“Oh,” she said, flushing.

“Yeah, and we don’t really have a lot of room in the house. I’ll probably sleep on the couch so he doesn’t say anything,” Jake said, uncomfortably.

Natalie was from a very different upbringing than he was. She grew up in Philadelphia. Nuclear family. One of two kids. A dog -- golden retriever named Buddy. White picket fence -- literally. Her father was in marketing, and her mom was a dentist. She’d graduated from Penn State before moving to San Diego.

Much different from his upbringing. Sarah, his mom, had been a florist in Forks, more because she enjoyed it than to turn a profit. Honestly, it was more an excuse to sell her watercolor paintings. Painting was her true passion, and she usually identified herself as an artist, not a florist -- though those were usually works of art as well. Many of her best paintings decorated the store, and she sold several over the years. Billy still had a couple up around the house. 

There was one, his mother’s favorite, in Jake’s old bedroom that always reminded him of Nessie. It depicted a girl standing alone in the twilight, far away, on one of the Olympic peaks. Her long hair blew in the breeze, seeming to almost whip around her as she stared into the distance, hand outstretched -- beckoning -- waiting for someone to join her. 

He should give it to Nessie for her next birthday. Although he already had this year’s present picked out, so maybe next year he’d send it to her. He had an endless list of things he wanted to give her. There weren’t enough occasions to have an excuse to give her things. Billy wouldn’t mind if it was going to her, and she’d appreciate the sentimentality behind it. 

Then there was his dad. Billy had worked on one of the salmon hatcheries until a little after the car accident that claimed Sarah’s life. Billy had hurt his spine when the car flipped, but his diabetes had aggravated the injury and made it worse to the point that he’d lost all mobility in his feet. At that point, he’d had to quit his job and live off of the disability checks he got each month. It helped that he still fished for fun, and that provided the primary source of protein for their household -- one less thing they needed to buy.

Jacob remembered after he first phased, and started destroying all of his clothes when he couldn’t shed them fast enough after his temper sparked and his beast exploded outwards. There had been two weeks he’d gone without shoes, because they just didn’t have the money to replace them -- no matter what else they went without, and Billy’s feet were smaller than Jake’s, so he couldn’t just wear a pair of his dad’s shoes. The rest of the pack had understood, but it wasn’t a story he felt he could share with Natalie. She’d be horrified, and possibly think less of Billy for not providing for his family, even though it was Jake’s fault.

These weren’t issues Natalie ever had to face. He’d been so nervous about showing her his childhood home. Worried she’d turn her nose up at the tiny three bedroom red box that wasn’t even a thousand square feet total -- smaller than his apartment. Concerned she’d feel too out of place in his simplistic home, so foreign to her everyday life. 

“I can stay at the little bed and breakfast in Forks if that would help,” she offered immediately, willing to try anything to help Billy form a more favorable opinion of her. It made his fears seem ridiculous now. It may be different, but Nat wasn’t a snob, and she cared more about him than she did possessions.

“I want you with me,” Jacob said, meaning it. “I know it’s not much.”

“Do you really think I care how much money your family has?” she chided, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“No, but it’s a lot different from what you’re used to,” he said, acknowledging his previous thoughts.

“My family was firmly middle class,” she insisted, as if that wasn’t still substantially different.

He didn’t reply, not wanting to argue the point when she was trying to connect with him and make them seem more on par. Instead, he kissed her, and led her through the streets, skipping past the wooded path leading to First Beach. He didn’t want to take her there. That spot was reserved for the past, not the future. 

“I can see why you enjoy the outdoors,” she said, glancing at the heavily wooded areas lining the road. “There’s mystery. Hidden secrets.” He understood what she wasn’t saying.

“Even if it’s still not for you?” he asked, kissing the top of her head and chuckling.

“Sorry, Babe. I’m never going to change,” she said, nuzzling his neck and giving his waist a squeeze.

“That’s fine. You’re perfect just as you are,” he said, looping his arm across her shoulders. “That’s Quil’s fiance, Kyra,” he said, nodding to the petite woman sitting on the porch a little ways down the street. She was even prettier in person, if possible. Or maybe she just had that whole pregnancy glow going on. “You sure you don’t mind hanging out with her and her friends tonight while I’m out with Quil and the guys? I feel like I’m abandoning you,” he worried, approaching the house.

“I told you I’d be fine. It’s not like you’re throwing me to the wolves. I love meeting new people,” Nat insisted, not hearing the bark of laughter that rang out from inside the house at her unfortunate choice of words. Jacob winced internally.

Introductions were made quickly, Jacob had met Kyra two weeks ago when he’d come up for a weekend to help with wedding preparations, but the two women seemed to hit it off right away. Bonding over a shared love of dance from the sound of their conversation. Kyra studied modern dance, but Natalie had done ballet all the way through high school. She still moved with the tell-tale grace of a ballerina. Not to mention she had the body of one, if a few extra curves now that she no longer practiced daily.

Quil was still chuckling over the wolf comment when he joined them a minute later, just in time for Paul and Rachel to pull up. Rachel’s lips were pursed tightly as she took in Nat from the passenger seat. Guess she’d spoken to Billy already. Great. Maybe he should have given his family a heads up before bringing her here. They’d heard about her -- Jacob couldn’t stop talking about her, but he supposed they’d not realized it was serious enough to have her meeting the family and participating in major events like his best friend’s wedding.

Jacob debated telling Nat there was a change of plans and that he’d skip tonight. 

“I just talked to dad,” Rachel said quietly as she opened the car door, quiet enough that only the wolves present could hear.

“My sister, Rachel. Be right back,” he muttered to Nat, nodding over to the car, and jogging over to talk to her privately.

“I... love her, Rachel,” Jacob said pleadingly, stumbling a little on the word love. He’d still not actually said it aloud to Natalie.

“Do you even have anything in common?” Rachel asked, looking back at where Natalie was seated on the porch steps, looking visibly out of place in her bright dress and decked out in jewelry, even if she was relaxed and laughing.

“They both love his --” Paul began, but Jacob pinned him with a furious glare, his fists clenching to stop from punching his brother-in-law.

“Finish that sentence, and you won’t like the consequences,” Jake warned. Paul just smirked, and stepped behind Rachel, using her as a human shield. Coward.

“You do?” Rachel said, surprise flitting across her face as she took in his protective reaction. “Oh, wow, Jake… “

“Give her a chance? For my sake,” Jacob begged. “Please, Rach.”

“You just love to make things complicated,” she said, shaking her head.

“Being with her is the simplest thing in the world, actually. I haven’t gone a day since meeting her without smiling,” Jacob confessed, knowing she’d understand the significance of his words.

“Guess I better meet her then,” Rachel conceded, still staring at Jacob like a body snatcher was possibly impersonating him.

The last minute bachelor party was about as exciting as it could be for a night out in Forks. Seth met up with them in town, arriving late because the Cullens had all been with Sue and Charlie beforehand. Ultimately, they called the local bars a bust, and raided the grocery store for food and beer, then ended up on First Beach with a quickly assembled bonfire. 

Paul spent most of the night offering Quil advice on what to do when Kyra went ‘pregnant crazy’ as he called it. Jacob mostly avoided Sam all night, but that was fine, because the other alpha didn’t stay long. Colin and Brady took turns grilling Jake about Natalie and California. Both of them were going to be freshmen at UW this year, and hoping to either score girlfriends themselves or move away after graduating. Seth and Jared spent some time talking, and seemingly plotting something on their phones. Nicky and Jax were too young, and didn’t come out at all with the others -- much to their disappointment. And Leah had taken guy’s night to heart and decided to stay in with Sue instead. Privately, Jake thought she was just avoiding Sam like he was.

Natalie was already sleeping when he got home later that night. He snuck into his childhood bedroom, silently moving through the narrow walkway between the wall and his twin bed so as not to wake Billy, and lightly kissed her barely parted lips. 

“Hmm,” she murmured, waking like Sleeping Beauty or Snow White.

“Hi,” Jake breathed, nudging her nose with his.

“I like your sister,” she said, slowly blinking her eyes open. They were heavy with slumber, not opening fully to reveal the seafoam depths. She reminded Jacob of a cat dozing in a sunny spot, reluctant to interact with the world.

“That’s… surprising,” Jacob admitted honestly, even dryly.

“She didn’t want to like me, but I won her over in the end,” Nat said, obviously proud of her efforts. It seemed to satisfy her. This evidence and overcoming of a hurdle in their journey to join their lives.

“Now that I can believe,” Jacob said, crawling onto the bed and pulling her against him, spooning her through the covers wrapped tightly around her. She’d gotten so used to his heat, that she was always cold when he wasn’t around.

“Is there an ex you haven’t told me about? All night I felt like your friends were hiding something,” she asked, turning her head to watch his profile.

“No exes. I didn’t date until college. They’re just shocked you’d even consider giving me the time of day,” he said truthfully. Funny how confessing the truth could still be a lie if the right questions weren’t asked.

“I almost didn’t,” she admitted, caughting him off guard and pulling him from the guilt of continuing to conceal so much from her.

He’d not known that. With the way she’d eye fucked him that day before her interview, he’d thought she’d been as interested as him from the word go.

“Maybe I should thank you properly,” Jacob said, eager to reward her for giving him a chance. His hands started searching out the edge of the burritoed blanket, but she stopped him before he could get a hold of it.

“Not here. I don’t want to give your father a real reason to hate me -- but Sunday night after we get home… that’s a different story entirely.”

“Promises, promises,” he whispered huskily, kissing the hollow of her throat and making her whimper.

“Goodnight, Babe,” she said regretfully, but her resolution was firm.

~

August

It was the last weekend in August. Quil and Kyra were getting married in the afternoon so guests would have time to travel from Port Angeles or even as far as Seattle if they were only coming for the day. It was important to Quil Sr. that his grandson get married on the reservation, so Kyra had happily agreed without any prodding. She was more than willing to honor the man she loved and her child’s heritage by having the ceremony on tribal land.

The ceremony was over in no time at all, then they were entering the reception. Natalie had waited for him with Paul and Rachel, and he’d joined her so that they could enter together. Her vanilla perfume and body lotion was stronger than normal today, and between it, and the number of vampires present, his nose was on fire with the sickly sweet scents of rotting desserts. It felt like all of the sensory receptors had been singed beyond repair.

They were on their way to find a table when their path was blocked by the flower girl and a woman Jacob didn’t recognize from behind.

“I want them all to treat me like a princess, and give me whatever I want,” Claire said boldly. Quil should probably start teaching her that breaking hearts for fun wasn’t supposed to be a career aspiration.

“Oh, geez, girl. Good luck with that,” the woman said to Claire, a smothered chuckle escaping to chime like tinkling bells. 

Jacob found himself echoing it helplessly. The sound was irresistible.

She spun to face him. The instant their eyes locked, Jacob’s mind emptied. Not a single thought formed. He was utterly stupefied.

“Jacob,” she gasped, nearly inaudible. But he heard it. Always, he would hear the melodic siren’s voice.

Still nothing. His blank mind was incapable of processing the sight before him. It didn’t compute. Not at all.

“You even going to say hello?” she finally demanded, unmistakably hurt by the brief silence. Her eyes darted, a quick shift that humans wouldn’t be able to detect, as if seeking to flee or second guessing the situation she found herself in.

Then he felt nothing except shock. Paralyzing, bone-chilling shock.

Because he recognized her -- the vision of a woman -- woman, not girl, standing in front of him. But it couldn’t be. It didn’t make any sense. The word impossible came to mind -- and as a person capable of turning into a very large dog, that word was not often part of his vocabulary. 

Sam’s words ricochet in his head. Pale imitation of Bella his ass. She surpassed her mother in every way. Particularly since Bella’s beauty now possessed the cold hardness of a razor’s edge that somehow wasn’t anywhere near as appealing as when she’d been human. They, Bella and Nessie, were so very different he could barely relate the two individuals in his mind. Nessie was an eternal flame, a star burning bright. Bella had just been girl-next-door pretty, and she wasn’t even that anymore.

Nessie simply… shone. Every feature was perfectly proportioned within her symmetrical face. Each enhanced and vibrant. Alive. Luminescent. More warm and pleasing than any digitally altered supermodel’s cover shot photograph could ever hope to be.

Nessie could easily pass for a senior in high school. It hadn’t been that long since he last saw her, had it?

The world tilted dangerously as he took her in. Time slowed. It was like being in an episode of the Twilight Zone. Unsettling in the extreme. Strangely though, it was nothing like the feeling of imprinting had been. This was all natural. 

“Ness?” he breathed, feeling the stiff way his face contorted as he spoke, giving voice to his confusion. He looked from her to where Claire had wandered off to, and back again, uncertain. 

“It’s been a long time, Jake. I grew up.” The pained reply broke through his stupor, a bucket of ice water suddenly dousing him. 

“I’ll say,” he said, frowning. 

Why did he have to feel his emotions betraying him so thoroughly? This wasn’t supposed to happen. He was never supposed to notice her as a woman. He’d left to avoid this very situation, but leaving only seemed to guarantee it happened. Without being there to bear witness to watching her grow up, now all he saw was the final product -- or close enough to it.

“Babe, don’t be rude,” Nat interrupted his internal flagellation to scold him, even adding a playful smack to his chest. He didn’t feel it, but he saw the flutter of her hand and knew that was what she’d done. His body was more numb than usual to her pitifully weak human touches. Like a zombie, he watched as Natalie held her hand out to Nessie. “Hi, I’m Natalie,” she offered, breezily.

Helplessly, Jacob watched the train wreck of his two worlds colliding, the impact rocking only him as Natalie and Nessie began to converse with him helping it along like adding coal to the firebox to fuel the boiler. Full steam ahead -- speeding up even more to ensure the most disastrous result possible.

“Oh, sorry, Nat. This is Renemsee… she’s related to Bella,” Jacob said. Did either notice the hysterical edge to his voice? He heard it plain as day. Jacob absently pointed to where Bella stood talking to Charlie. Instantly, he felt Nat stiffen against him. To a human, he supposed Bella was exceptionally beautiful. But she had nothing on Nessie. Yet for some reason, Natalie failed to see how much more spectacular the girl -- woman -- she was talking to was.

“And she is?” Natalie asked suspiciously. 

“Old family friend -- we used to make mud pies together while our dads went fishing,” he rambled nonsensically, not knowing what else to say without revealing far too much of the multitude of secrets between their families. 

Maybe this was why Billy had so thoroughly disapproved of him bringing Natalie. He’d not mentally prepared for the mindfield he’d have to navigate to appease her while managing to protect the truth. It was a tightrope he’d not practiced balancing on, and now had to cross while suspended over a bed of vampire venom-coated knives. 

“Aw, I see. It’s like that,” Nat said, visibly relaxing, seeming to almost sink into Jake’s side.

“She’s with that guy,” he added, nodding to where Jasper was watching their conversation proceed with piercing, attentive eyes. 

Silently, Jacob begged for a rescue, and was startled when he saw the war waging across Jasper’s features. What could possibly be stopping him from interfering? Was he so lacking in Alice’s foresight that he didn’t recognize that this could only end badly? Or was he even then plotting Jacob’s demise for daring to recognize his daughter as a woman before he should? 

“You certainly know some beautiful people,” Nat murmured, looking around at the assembled vampires and wolves. They were a rather extraordinary bunch. As if that actually mattered.

“I know,” Jacob declared, fixing his eyes on Natalie in an attempt to distract her from paying too close attention to those around her. He didn’t want her analyzing the differences any more closely. It would only lead to questions he’d never be able to answer. 

Besides, she was beautiful herself, and he did appreciate it. Had from the moment they met. The fact that she was as beautiful on the inside was why he’d fallen for her. He knew he had, even if he struggled to say the words.

“Flatterer,” she said, shaking her head slightly, though she leaned up on the toes of her heels to kiss him softly. Jacob pulled immediately back, feeling the wrongness of allowing this here, n front of these particular witnesses,ibut Nat’s lips followed him, deliberately prolonged the kiss, quickly darting her tongue into Jacob’s mouth. He was dizzy from the intensity of even that brief contact when she pulled back. How could she affect him so strongly even as he reacted to another? “Sorry, we must seem so overly demonstrative and ostentatious. New love and weddings and all that, you know?”

“Sure,” Mae said flatly. A fake smile was plastered to her face, and Jacob longed to make a joke just to see her laugh for real. Words evaded him, repelled by his floundering. 

“Did you bring a date?” Natalie asked, attempting to be kind and get to know someone from Jake’s life. She was always so good as setting people at ease.

“No,” Nessie admitted quietly, sounding uncomfortable. As far as he knew, she wasn’t dating yet. Or was she? Had things changed so much already?

“Jake! Don’t be rude, ask her to dance then. My feet are killing me, and I could use a break,” Natalie demanded, nudging Jacob towards Nessie.

“Sure, sure. Have a seat, and I’ll find you in a bit, Babe,” he agreed, absently kissing her again before looking back at Nessie, feeling more himself now that there was a task in front of him, and one that would separate the two women that dominated his life. “Shall we?”

“Of course.”

Once they reached the dance floor, she looped her arms around his neck, and he felt her shiver when his warm hands came to rest on her waist, pressing directly against the soft skin exposed in the backless dress. She was almost as warm as him, and the spot where they were connected heated even more. Her skin was so much smoother than any human could hope to achieve even with the use of copious amounts of oil and lotion. Like firm satin somehow -- durable, but silky. 

Jacob sucked in a sharp breath at the contact, feeling far too much for such an innocent, nonsexual touch. His sharp inhalation caused her to shiver again, and mentally he groaned, wishing he hadn’t noted her response to him. That shouldn’t happen. 

Together, they swayed gently, not really dancing, though he suspected Nessie would be infinitely better than Bella had been thanks to her vampiric genetics. He could dance too. Dating first a Latina then a former ballerina meant he spent a lot of nights out dancing, and he’d actually gotten pretty good. Plus, he enjoyed it. But he didn’t want to risk stirring up any more untimely emotions than were already simmering in his gut. 

“So that’s Natalie… she’s pretty,” Nessie said offhandedly, seeming equally averse to mentioning how they’d both felt the spark when they touched.

“Don’t I know it,” he said, releasing a single incredulous bark of laughter. 

Was Nessie really talking to him about his girlfriend? When had they entered that sort of friends zone? How had he missed the fact that by being apart, when he did finally see her again, she’d be grown up and in a place where she could relate to him in a whole new way? Seth’s comment a while back about sharing his problems with her didn’t seem so unrealistic anymore. They could be friends. Actual friends now. Their roles had changed.

It was difficult to even bring to mind an image of the little girl he’d protected several years ago.

Then his attention was focused on her again, and he admitted, “I barely recognize you.”

 _Edward! I know you can hear me. Get over here. Please!_ Jacob mentally screamed, detecting the shift in her eyes. It was like a curtain was pulled back, providing a glimpse of her very soul.

“Jake… “ Ness breathed, his name a plea.

A plea that reminded him that she was still finding herself. She’d not had the chance he’d had -- when he’d gone away and then met Natalie. Shit. His girlfriend -- a woman he loved -- was twenty feet away, and he was playing with fire.

Ness’s body brushed his, her chest rubbing tauntingly against his as she leaned closer. It was too much. 

He jerked back, stumbling three steps away to put distance between them. Panic gripped his insides, twisting them brutally. The pain an echo of memory from the time he’d actually felt that happen. 

_Edward, please. A little help -- anytime would be great!_

She wasn’t ready for what she was unconsciously asking for. And he’d already given his heart to another. He wasn’t worthy of Ness. Never had been and never would be.

“Renesmee, no,” he said quietly, the words no less firm for the lack of volume. “That can’t happen. I’m with Natalie, and you’re still finding yourself.”

 _Damn it, Edward! Where are you? She’s still too young -- I can’t._ He wouldn’t just leave her, but he needed some distance. He wanted Natalie, and her easy, mesmerizing laugh. The simple, straightforward relationship he’d committed to. 

“I understand, Jake,” she said mechanically. “I know it’s not like that with us.”

“I’m sorry, Renesmee.”

“No, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. Promise,” she said woodenly, her face a blank mask.

Then he saw Jasper, slipping easily through the crowd, and only a few people away. The vampire looked every bit as devastated as he felt. As he assumed Ness felt. But there was a flash of relief on his face when he met Jacob’s eyes, and he nodded at the wolf -- granting permission to flee.

“Back so soon?” Natalie said, smiling adoringly at him as she wrapped her long, graceful arms around his neck and greeted him with a kiss.

“I missed you,” he said, squeezing the words past the knot in his throat. 

They left not long after, staying just long enough for the toasts and cake. Natalie had to get home early for an event the next night that came up unexpectedly at some point during the wedding, and Jacob needed to escape the demons nipping at his heels.

Edward was watching him leave. He wore the last expression Jacob had ever expected to see directed at him from his once rival -- pity. But with it, was gratitude. Great. Both of Ness’s fathers were happy he’d put a stop to what never should have happened in the first place. He really wasn’t good enough for her, and they unanimously agreed on the fact. Edward shook his head, lips pursed like he was biting back words, but he didn’t try to stop Jacob from leaving or talk to him about it.

~

January

Shame kept him from calling Ness after the wedding. He’d not handled things well. But she hadn’t called either. Nor had she replied to the text he sent on her birthday only a couple weeks after the wedding.

Part of him wanted to call and explain. This felt like karma. He’d put Bella in the position of being pulled between two people, and now he felt like he was replacing her -- only Natalie wasn’t even aware his heart was caught in a game of tug-of-war with an entirely inappropriate rival.

The reminder of Bella actually served to strengthen his resolve not to call Ness. Bella hadn’t made her feelings clear with him, not at first. By the time she did, he was too deep in, then she kept drawing him back in. He’d been childish and immature, annoyingly persistent, but she’d let him. Even gone so far at one point as to ask him not to give up on her. Of course that was before Edward returned. However, he could still recall the way his flaming sense of hope flared each and every time she chose to defy Edward’s edicts and spend time with him. Every time she knowingly hurt Edward by choosing him. 

He’d not do the same to Nessie. He’d been clear at the wedding that it couldn’t happen -- calling would just muddy the waters. The lack of communication in the months since had solidified his decision. Every day that passed, he devoted himself more fully to Nat. She dominated his every waking thought, and spent most nights in his bed. They had so much fun together. He’d never gotten on so well with another. Jake’s feelings for Natalie deepened. Until the point it was easy not to think of Ness at all. 

Okay, that was a lie, but the memory of her faded significantly, and quickly at that. So much so, that it allowed him to second guess if he’d been as inevitably drawn to Ness as it had felt at the time.

Hearing from her on his birthday was a relief. She sounded fine. Perhaps he’d imagined the whole thing. 

He’d waited all morning, delaying his trip with Natalie just in case she called. He’d wanted to give Ness his undivided attention so he could assess how she was. He did not want to be responsible for causing her any pain. By the time they hung up, he felt confident that they were on the same page, and that he could relax and enjoy his birthday weekend with his girlfriend.

Natalie had surprised him with courtside seats to a Clippers game. It was a whole weekend getaway to LA. First a basketball game, then dinner at a fancy restaurant, followed by a club opening, then a suite in a four-star hotel. It made the spa weekend he’d gotten for her and her sister for her birthday in December pale in comparison. Granted they were working with slightly different budgets, but still.

Natalie was anxious to get going by the time he got off the phone, and they started the two hour road trip north. He saw why when they entered the hotel room. There was a bottle of expensive champagne, chocolate covered strawberries, and a new Clippers jersey laid out on the bed waiting for him.

“There’s more,” she said suggestively, wiggling her eyebrows.

“This is already too much -- you’ve got to stop buying me things,” Jacob insisted, a little uncomfortable with all of the extravagance as it was.

“Trust me,” she said, setting her duffle bag on top of her suitcase, “this didn’t cost a penny.”

“Where is it?” he asked, resigned. What else could he do? She was too cute going to all of this effort on his behalf. No one else had ever tried so much to make him happy -- with one exception he was not considering.

“It’s more a... what’s not there kind of thing,” she teased, running her hand down her flat belly, and making her dress cling to her pebbled nipples. They poked against the fabric provocatively. 

“Oh really?” he said, catching on.

“Why don’t you come see for yourself?” she invited, raking up the hem of her dress to show off her inner thigh. 

He stalked closer, prowling almost, and grinned when she retreated to the bed.

In no time, Jake had the slip dress off, exposing her naked body to his hungry gaze. The next four hours were a jumble of bubbling liquid, decadent sweets, and greedy, pleasurable caresses.

The act of making love to Natalie was completely different from how it had been with Alyson, and even how it was with Jo. Nat touched him like he was the breakable one. Her touches were light, gentle, almost hesitant. As if he were a wild animal she was afraid of spooking. 

Nat was giddy, almost high from overindulging in their hedonistic exploits by the time they got to the game. She kept shooting him covert looks, like they were sharing a private secret. Then she’d make a face and giggle. His laughter at her joy was threatening to spill out the entire time.

Watching a game when he was close enough to reach out and touch the benched players was a new highlight for him. He couldn’t wait to tell his dad all about it. Paul too. His brother-in-law would be so jealous.

They grabbed a late dinner afterwards, canceling their reservations in favor of street tacos, then Nat somehow tore and tied her jersey to make it look like some fashion statement before they headed to the club she was dying to show him. Honestly, it seemed like every other place she’d ever dragged him too, but dancing with her was still fun. Particularly with the way she rubbed enticingly against him, deliberately sparking lust he couldn’t do anything about in such a public location.

The biggest surprise was the next day. He was all set to head home, when Natalie instructed him to take a different route. He was about to question her, knowing it’d take them out of their way, when he noted her barely suppressed excitement. Going along with it, he let her guide him a little ways out of the city to where rows of tents were erected, and a couple hundred restored or preserved cars were lined up.

“The annual car show was in November at the convention center, but a friend told me about this event this weekend when I told him about you, and he suggested we come by. Are you surprised?” she asked, getting out and coming around to meet him in front of his rabbit.

“Definitely. Babe, this is awesome, thanks,” he promised, tugging her against his chest to kiss her properly. 

There were a lot of cars he’d only ever dreamed of seeing, and he actually talked to a guy, Mark, from Tesla for about twenty minutes. Mark had been impressed with his internship and experience with cars, suggesting Jacob give him a call when his commitment to Philips was up if he was interested in a job someday.

Natalie’s smug expression ensured his matching excitement remained permanently etched on his face all day.

~

June

“Hello! Open up, Jake. I know you’re in there! We actually show up when someone graduates,” Alice called through the front door of his apartment. It was a Tuesday afternoon, and he’d not been home from work for ten minutes yet. He’d graduated early as planned. His undergrad degree taking him only three years to earn, and the ceremony had been two Saturdays ago.

Now he had two years of grad school to earn his masters and a year long work commitment with Philips to honor here in California, then he was free to go anywhere. Three more years, then endless options. Wherever his heart led him.

“What on earth are you doing here?” Jacob asked, swinging the door open wide. 

“Surprise,” Seth chuckled, just as Alice launched herself at Jacob, throwing her arms around his neck. He caught the deceptively heavy vampire easily, and spun her around, truly happy to see her, and appreciating the exuberant greeting. 

“It’s so good to see you. How long are you staying?” Jacob asked, releasing Alice, and watching her flit back to Seth’s side, their hands finding the other’s the instant they were close enough. Magnets. Physics ensuring no force could keep them apart.

“Nine days,” Alice said, eyes glazing over. “It should rain on Sunday, which is good news for the outing Natalie will plan once she knows we’re here.”

“You can have my room --”

“Thanks, but we need to stay at a hotel. I’ll spend the day ‘shopping’ and we can go out at night on most days. That way Aiden and Natalie don’t ask questions,” she announced, her face reanimating as she spoke. She’d gotten better at willing herself to see the future around Seth being near, though now the visions were nearly always by choice instead of constantly forced on her with a dozen happening at once that she had to sift through based on relevance.

“I really miss you guys,” Jacob said, trying to put words to the new emotions welling up at the sight of the two unexpected guests. They were a strange mix of friends and family. His roots. And with them, he could relax and breathe again.

“We’re moving to Wyoming. You’re welcome to join us,” Alice offered, earning an exasperated look from Seth. 

“I’m not so sure about that,” he denied.

After his birthday, he’d called Ness several times, and she hadn’t answered. The silence made it clear that she preferred the distance. For a moment, it might have seemed they were ready to be friends, like real friends, but his rejection had derailed that course. It would take time to repair the damage. Plus, there was Natalie to consider. They’d been together over a year, and he was happy, truly happy for the first time since before Bella moved to Forks. Maybe he should let the silence between them continue. At least until she decided otherwise.

“If you’d just --” Alice began speaking quicker than normal, but stopped, and actually stomped her foot, when the door popped open. “Ugh. There was just no better way to time it,” she hissed too low and fast for human ears even as her face smoothed over to look like a marble statue.

“Hi! Oh, sorry -- wait, didn’t we meet at the wedding?” Natalie asked, coming inside, her unneeded key to his apartment still in hand. He’d been so caught up, he’d missed her approach coming down the hall outside his front door.

“Yep. We’re visiting,” Alice said, clearly frustrated by the interruption. So much so, she came off rather rude as she turned back to Jacob and pointedly added, “Anyways, Mae is starting college there this fall, so you should come see her even if you won’t move there altogether.”

A calculating spark of mischief wiped across Alice’s face, there and gone between the blank masks that had begun dominating her face from the moment Natalie arrived. What was she up to?

“Mae? Moving?” Natalie tried, saying the words like they were a foreign language.

“I’m not moving,” Jacob denied, speaking directly to Nat at the same time Seth attempted to explain.

“Our niece. Renesmee -- Mae. Jake calls her Nessie,” Seth supplied, wincing apologetically at Jacob. So Alice was up to something, and he wasn’t planning on stopping his mate from messing around in Jacob’s life. Well of course not. Everyone thought they knew better what he should want and how he should live -- when they weren’t already busy questioning his decisions, at least.

“Oh, right -- she’s starting college? I thought...” Natalie said, uncertainty making her face crumple in a way Jacob didn’t particularly like. “Why would you move there too?”

“We’re close. It’d be nice to have everyone back together sooner rather than later,” Alice said, implying it would happen at some point. “We all miss him, especially Mae, so why wouldn’t he?”

“I’m not,” Jacob repeated, and Nat nodded, blinking a couple times, and shaking her head a little as though physically knocking an unwanted thought away. 

“I’ll just make reservations for us. A new restaurant just opened, I’ll see if I can get us in at the last minute for tonight,” Natalie said, rallying and offering a welcoming smile to the unexpected guests. That smile, the one he woke up everyday looking forward to seeing was much better suited to her face than the doubt had been.

“Thanks, Babe,” Jake said, grinning gratefully at her thoughtfulness, and ability to adjust at a moment’s notice. “She’s starting college?” Jake echoed, repeating Nat’s incredulous remark. That would be such a good experience for her, but already?

“What did you think would happen? It’s been years,” Alice said bluntly, looking supremely satisfied by whatever she’d just initiated. Only the fact that Jacob knew she was blind to his future prevented him from getting upset with her. That, and the fact he knew she cared about him, and wouldn’t intentionally hurt him. At least, he didn’t think she would. Seth would have stopped her if that had been her motive.

“Not that many,” he muttered in disbelief.

“Enough,” Alice said sympathetically. “She’s nearly nineteenth -- this coming fall.” The tenderness in the look she gave him was reassuring. Whatever she’d set in motion wouldn’t have any negative consequences. That was plain to see now.

But nineteen? Seriously? That was only a year younger than him. If they were treating her like --

“We’re in! Dinner at nine work for everybody?” Nat said cheerfully, coming back into the room, and cutting off his thoughts.

“Yeah, thanks,” Seth answered.

“I made it for five in case Aiden wants to come,” she said, coming over to kiss Jake’s cheek. 

“You’re the best.” Always, she made the effort to make his best friend and roommate feel included. It wasn’t something he had a feeling others would do as regularly, but she never minded if Aiden tagged along as a third wheel.

“So, are you two… married?” she guessed, sensing the deep connection Alice and Seth shared.

“Umm, no. We’re way too young to get married,” Alice said, her lips pressed together to hold back a laugh at the half falsehood.

“Jacob is actually the reason we’re together. He sort of set us up,” Seth clarified, editing history slightly to make it fit to share with uninformed company.

“He’s giving me too much credit. I set up the opportunity -- the rest was all him,” Jacob denied, knowing it was Seth’s persistence more than anything that resulted in the couple before him.

“Now that’d I’d believe. You’re definitely not a matchmaker,” Nat said, laughing at Jake, slipping her arms around his waist, and leaning fully against his side.

“Why are you so sure?” he asked, truly curious. It wasn’t like he wouldn’t help if he was in a position to.

“Aiden hasn’t dated anyone seriously since I met him a year ago,” Nat cited, presenting his roommate as evidence. 

Which, to be fair, was sort of true. 

Natalie had a number of incredible friends that he’d bet Aiden would like, and bet would like him right back. But he somehow doubted any of them would be able to appreciate the extent of the damage his high school girlfriend, and the loss of his parents did on him. His history would impact any relationship he seriously invested in, and it would take the right woman to work through those issues with Aiden. So far, none had been up for it.

“That’s hardly my fault,” Jake insisted, refraining from elaborating. It was Aiden’s story to share.

“Have you met Aiden yet? The guy has trust issues. It’s actually really sad,” Nat said to Seth and Alice, proving with a few simple words that she’d picked up on more than Jake had realized. It was part of what made her so good at her job.

“Must not have met the right one,” Seth said, but Alice’s face had gone curiously blank again. Jake wondered if she saw happiness in Aiden’s future. He didn’t have enough experience reading her expressions to guess the outcome she’d witnessed.

“I can relate. Took me years to see the truth, even when it was staring me in the face,” Alice said, then catching sight of Natalie’s confusion as she glanced at Seth, Alice asked, “What?” then proceeded to answer her own question, shrugging as she explained, “Oh, sorry I was referring to my ex. He’s a wonderful man, but we weren’t really in love. It just took us a while to see and accept certain facts. But at least the journey helped us both become better people that were ready when the right one came along. I’m sure you’ll understand someday.” 

“I’m going to take them to the hotel to get checked in, okay?” Jake interrupted, not wanting Alice to expand on the fact her ex was now with Bella, the woman Jake had already mentioned was related to Ness. Because he’d caught on to Alice’s intentions. She was trying to bring every conversation back around to his imprint, or something like that. 

Damn meddlesome pixie.

~

Over the next week, Jacob spent every free moment he had with Seth and Alice. Seth and Aiden, in particular, hit it off right away. They were both so very easy-going, naturally cheerful people, that it was hard not to cut loose and laugh when you were with either of them. The effect was amplified when they were together. The three went surfing one day, joining a couple others he and Aiden regularly went out with while Nat took Alice shopping. He might have given her a heads up that it was the fastest way to the pixie’s heart.

Initially, he’d been hesitant to allow Alice to spend so much uncensored time alone with Natalie, but Alice swore she’d not bring up Mae again. Jacob had taken her at her word. Whatever she’d been about the day she’d arrived, seemed to have vanished. After that first meeting, Alice hadn’t tried to stir anything else up. Perhaps she figured out for herself how awesome Nat was, and how happy Jake was with her, and decided against it. Whatever the reason, Jacob was relieved to spend the remainder of the visit not worrying.

It was almost amusing how he could literally watch Alice begrudgingly grow to like Nat. Each day, Alice opened up and latched onto her more and more. By the end of the first week of their stay, Alice was already texting her throughout the day and helping plan their nights out for the rest of their visit. And she was positively thrilled when Nat got them invitations to a new club opening where a band she worked with was playing. 

Nat had been really sweet about Alice’s oddness, one night in bed asking, “Is Alice… “

“She’s unusual. You get used to it,” Jake said, turning his head to grin at Nat. She propped herself up to look down at him.

“No, well, I guess, but... is she autistic?” Nat asked, tracing her fingers over his chest.

“Yeah. It’s not something she likes to talk about,” Jacob said, figuring it would be easier to let Natalie draw the wrong conclusions than ask too many questions. And the description sort of fit how Alice interacted with most people. He didn’t know enough about it, and really hoped it wasn’t offensive to let Natalie believe that about Alice, but weren’t some individuals with autism sensitive to those around them, avoiding contact and occasionally uncommunicative with strangers? That was the impression Alice often gave, so at least the mannerisms were in line. 

“Oh, yeah. No, I’d not bring it up. My best friend in middle school was. Alice reminds me of her. I wish we’d stayed in contact. Her family is supportive, right?”

“Very. Alice is an orphan. All of the Cullens are. Dr. and Mrs. Cullens adopted all of them. It’s part of why they’re all so close. They banded together,” Jacob explained, revealing a little of the truth to her.

“That’s so incredible,” Natalie said, looking truly awed. After a moment, she pressed her lips together, studying Jacob intently.

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” Jacob asked, reaching to tuck several curls behind her ear, and brush his fingers over the arch of her cheek.

“How do you feel about adoption?”

“Are we talking right now or someday?” he asked immediately.

“Well, I guess that means you’re not against the idea,” she said, giggling at whatever expression he was wearing. His face was too numb to know for sure what she was seeing.

“I really do want my future to be with you, but I should tell you now -- I don’t want to ever get pregnant,” she said, completely serious.

“Oh,” he said stupidly. No other words formed. So much for being relieved about Sam being wrong. It didn’t matter that he could potentially have a child with someone aside from Nessie. All that worry, apparently for nothing.

“I’m not saying no to kids,” she added quickly. “I just would want to adopt if I ever have any. There are so many kids in need, and I don’t particularly want to put my body through that process.”

“Oh,” Jacob said again, this time with significantly more feeling. Adoption. Yeah. He could consider that. Then there’d be no chance of passing on the wolf gene. No worries on if he could impregnate her, or guilt if it turned out he couldn’t.

“We’ve been together over a year now. And you mentioned adoption, so I thought this would be a good time to bring up the subject,” she rambled, nervously awaiting his response. “If this is a dealbreaker, I want to know now. I l-- “

“I’m all right with adoption. One hundred percent on board,” Jacob said, reaching up to cup her cheeks, and pull her down for a kiss.

“Okay. Good. We’re on the same page. Someday we’ll adopt a couple kids,” Nat said, giggling again, and climbing on top of him. “But don’t think that means I want to stop not trying to make a baby,” she said, rubbing her body against his as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer.

~

Each night of Seth and Alice’s stay had involved something new. Tonight, on their last night, Natalie arranged for them to have dinner at a fancy restaurant they’d never been to before. Unfortunately, Nat had left to deal with a work issue just after they’d ordered their appetizers.

“This is nothing like the life I pictured you living,” Alice admitted, pushing her plate of uneaten food towards Seth who happily dug in.

“It’s exciting. Never a dull day,” Jake said, trying to remember the last time he’d been bored. He couldn’t. For over a year, he’d not had a single day that hadn’t made him feel alive or been busy enough to prevent him from dwelling on the past.

“But what about all the things you love? Working on cars, your family, your tribe, running through the woods, riding motorcycles, building or tinkering with things. What about all of that? Or is it all about her, and her passions?”

“Yes, Alice,” Jake acknowledged. “I’ve been focused on her. But I’m all right with that. Natalie is incredible -- if you weren’t biased, you’d see that for yourself,” he insisted.

“I meant no offense, Jacob. I agree that she’s a wonderful person. I like her so much more than I expected to,” Alice admitted, face scrunching guiltily, or perhaps regretfully. “But I have to ask, can you be happy forever -- always putting her desires above your own? Because you left your imprint, a relationship that could be described that exact same way, and now you’ve fallen in with one that is an almost equivalent substitute -- except she’s a little too different from you to work long term.”

“You don’t know it won’t work. You can’t see my future,” Jacob argued. 

Alice looked torn. He waited, giving her the opportunity to spill whatever insight she was keeping to herself, but she didn’t utter another word or give anymore away. Though she looked nearly devastated not to share. 

For the first time he found himself doubting the path he’d set himself on. The mental image that’d formed of the child they someday planned to adopt dimmed a little. It hurt to think of losing Natalie. He really did love her. 

“I’m happy, Alice. For the first time in years,” Jacob said quietly, reaching out to touch her hand. 

Immediately, she turned her hand palm up to clasp his fingers. The hard stone didn’t feel wrong the way it once had. Now it was just part of Alice. Part of the girl that had somehow become his family.

“If that ever changes. None of us would object,” she said softly, squeezing his fingers before adding, “Even Edward.”

While he appreciated the words, and her renewed attempts to get him to move to Wyoming, he still knew one person that would be against it -- Nessie herself. Besides, what she said wasn’t true. Both Jasper and Edward had been glad when he walked away. Neither wanted him with their beloved daughter.

“I’m building a life with Natalie. A future,” he acknowledged, recalling a dozen different moments from the last year of them smiling and happy. It wasn’t something he was prepared to give up. Not for an unknown, potentially empty future existence.

“Pixie, stop butting in. You can’t see the outcome. That doesn’t mean you need to steer it,” Seth said meaningfully. Perhaps a little too meaningfully.

“But I’m so much better at it,” Alice insisted, giving Seth a look that had him grabbing her face and planting an epic kiss on her.

“I’ve missed this,” Jacob murmured once they’d broken apart. He could feel himself blushing at the graphic display he’d just witnessed, but that didn’t make him any less grateful to be part of their love story.

“‘Bout time you remembered that we’re all here for you,” Seth said, eyes never straying from Alice’s. It was the level of devotion that he’d once tried to explain and have with Natalie, but she’d not been on board with it.

“Maybe I could visit sometime,” Jacob suggested, not wanting to part with them now that they were here. 

It was hard to believe he’d once been the one so adamant about getting away. He still had the compass Jasper had given him. Right now it seemed to be prodding him to follow after the other two when they departed.

“You must be doing better,” Seth said, turning and surveying him closer, more thoroughly than he had in the last few days. Surprise colored his features at what he found. Then joy stretched his lips. “I know you won’t move with us, but a visit would be great.”

“You’re my brother, Seth. I’m sorry I cut everyone out before. I could have handled that better,” Jacob said, seeing how happy Seth was to finally see the old Jacob looking back at him.

“I understand. I did then too,” Seth admitted. 

And it was true. After Embry’s funeral, Seth refused to remain in wolf form if any of the others were. It was months before he’d even considered letting his sister into his mind. Truthfully, it hadn’t been until Alice surprised him for the spring break of his senior year that he’d healed enough to be their brother again. Jacob knew the two had physically connected that week, but he suspected a lot of emotional healing had taken place as well.

“Thanks,” Jacob said, leaving it at that. They all understood, so there was no sense rehashing the past.

“Oh, not sure if you’ve heard, but Kyra already wants to get pregnant again,” Seth said, switching topics to something more lighthearted to end the trip on. “She called Alice this morning.” The two had gotten close when Alice designed Kyra’s wedding dress, then repeatedly modified it to account for her changing body.

“You’re kidding. Jay is only a month old,” Jacob said, having not heard any of this from Quil yet. He’d gone to meet his friend’s son the weekend after he was born, studying for his last final exams on the flight there and back. They’d tried calling the baby JR instead of junior, but it had inevitably been shortened to Jay. Quil seemed content with it. Made sense considering his partner in the unusual name department was no longer around to help defend name choices, and Jay would inspire far less teasing than Quil Jr would.

“Seems Sam really was talking shit that day -- in case you and Natalie ever decide that’s something you want,” Seth ventured.

“Nat and I have talked about adoption actually,” Jake admitted, watching with a small measure of satisfaction as Seth’s mouth dropped open.

Understanding flashed over Alice’s face as she sucked in a sharp breath, but decades of practice meant she’d successfully schooled her features an instant later, and her sphinx-like expression indicated he’d get nothing from her, so it wouldn’t be worth the effort.

Her reaction brought him up short.

A child. He could be a father. In a less traditional way, yes, but no less a father -- Jazz was proof of that. Somehow the thought wasn’t as appealing as he’d once thought it would be back when he’d thought it was an impossibility, or even days ago when Natalie first brought it up.

Because with the understanding, had come pain and sadness within Alice’s raw expression. She knew something. Something she’d not confessed. Something that gave him pause. For the second time that night, he was second guessing his future with Natalie.

Because it was never wise to bet against Alice.

~

Second Author's Note

Okay, I know this is a little random, but I'd love some feedback. I'm working on my new Bella/Jasper story, and I keep running into this question about Bella and Alice. SM states repreatedly throughout the books that the two are best friends, and that thy love each other so much. But is there a single time in any of the four books that the two do anything together as friends? I mean, I know Alice helps Bella several times - taking her to Arizona and Italy, covering for her to help her go see Jacob or plan her wedding, but do they ever once even have a conversation that wasn't born out of Edward arranging things or necessity putting them together in the same place at the same time? Are they ever together because Bella wants to hang out with Alice, rather than Edward or Alice alone - not the whole family? Just wondering...


	9. 9: Optimistic - Mae

Author’s Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think! 

PS I’m not Stephenie Meyer, so I don’t own anything :(

~

Ch 9: Optimistic - Mae

September 2016

For years she searched for someone that could truly understand her. Each of her parents asked her at different times if she thought anyone she’d met could. It wasn’t until that day, the one where they truly reunited, that she understood they were all gently prodding her to remember that she’d already met him. Reminded her because she’d stopped considering him as an option almost as soon as she first wanted him, and it didn’t happen. She’d just needed time for them to both be ready. 

The instant she looked into his eyes, and knew he was truly seeing her too -- as a grown woman -- that vital missing piece was returned. 

It was him. It had always been him. Only ever would be him -- no one else could ever hope to compare. He was her missing piece. The part that understood her completely, and accepted her for exactly what she was. The part that inspired her, made her try new things, question and bravely face the world. 

Jacob Black was her soulmate.

~

Year 5 - 2010-2011

August

The University of Wyoming’s campus wasn’t as beautiful as some of the alternatives she’d looked into, but it had an interesting quad with criss-crossing paths, and more than that, it was a place she could find herself.

Just because she wasn’t entirely human, didn’t mean she didn’t want those experiences people took for granted. Making friends. Being silly and accepting dares she knew she shouldn’t. Flirting with strangers. Stressing over exams. Rushing to finish a paper before class after procrastinating because she’d gone out with friends the night before instead. 

Her family all had lives before becoming vampires. Granted those lives looked a little different depending on the time period when they’d lived. Already she was part vampire, but now it was her turn to be human. She was doing things in reverse -- story of her life. Always different.

Her very first class was pretty early in the morning. She’d not really been ready to roll out of bed and make the drive to campus, but somehow she’d ended up there. A little early even. Everyone seemed to be doing their own thing. Most trying to wake up like her, sipping rapidly disappearing coffee. Others looked hungover, still wearing their pajamas. Possibly a couple were actually still drunk or already high for the day. 

Oh, the joy of college life.

She sat in the back, not needing to be closer to see the front clearly. It was an intro psychology class, and Mae recognized several of the articles the professor cited while giving them a brief run through of what they’d be covering this semester and began discussing the history of its development as a scientific practice.

Honestly, she was a little bored, and spent most of the class people watching. It was more entertaining to watch a couple girls texting faster than they took notes, utterly engrossed in the drama playing out on their tiny lit screens, and judging how big the drool puddle would get before the end of class that a guy three rows up from her was steadily making contributions to as he snored softly. 

Bella had offered to meet her somewhere for ‘lunch’ between classes if she got lonely during her break, but Mae didn’t really want to have to call her mom to come save her because she couldn’t hack it on the very first day.

With that in mind, during her second class a few hours later, Mae moved intentionally to sit next to a girl with eyes that kept darting around. She looked not like she was waiting for someone, but overwhelmed and nervous, foot shaking in time with the pen she was tapping on her notebook.

“Hi, I’m Mae,” she offered, introducing herself.

“Jackie -- uh, Jaquelin. Wait, Jackie,” she said, stumbling through the words. Mae wondered if she’d been considering a name change as a sort of metamorphosis to reinvent herself in college. It wasn’t a bad idea, but she rather liked her own name. Jazz had given it to her, and she was a hundred percent a daddy’s girl. “Is it that obvious I don’t have any friends yet?”

Jackie had light brown hair and fifties style glasses, retro teal cat eyes that had three little rhinestones in the corner. The frames partially obscured her pretty hazel eyes. They were her most outstanding feature. She was pretty, but in a less obvious way. Her beauty was shrouded by her shy anxiousness, and loose, nondescript clothing.

“My first day too,” Mae said, attempting to make her feel less self-conscious. “Decided I’d be brave for once. College is about fresh starts, right?”

Suspicious doubt made Jackie’s brow wrinkle as she looked Mae over, making it clear she doubted Mae struggled to be brave or that she needed a fresh start. It was a little discouraging, to be rebuffed like this, but she didn’t have a chance to say more, because the professor started class.

It was art history, and this was actually the course she was most excited for. It was easy to get lost in the professor’s lecture. Particularly after she started a slide show featuring some of the works they’d be focusing on. 

Last year she’d tried painting, but found she was too critical of her work to enjoy it. Maybe she’d try it again in a few decades, but for now, music, photography and film were more where her talents and interest lay. She still enjoyed appreciating art in all forms, however.

“Hey, uh, Mae!” Jackie called when Mae began making her way to the end of the aisle in the lecture hall’s amphitheater seats. She stopped and looked back at the girl she’d forgotten about two minutes into the start of class. “There’s a party tonight in one of the dorms. My roommate is dragging me along. Want to come?” Jackie offered with a hopeful smile. Apparently she’d reconsidered Mae’s offer of friendship, or was trying to be brave herself. 

“That’d be great,” Mae said, waiting for Jackie to catch up to her. They exchanged numbers, and Mae got her dorm room number so she could meet up with her there later that night.

~

“Auntie Rose? Can you help me?” Mae asked, knocking on Em and Rosalie’s bedroom door later that day. She knew they were both inside, and while she hated to interrupt, Rose really was her best and only option.

“Sweetheart, what is it? Come in,” Rose demanded, swinging her door open wide. Emmett stood with his arms crossed, looking mutinous, but the look softened when he saw her. They were all like that, unable to stay mad at her for any length of time, even when it cut into their pursuits.

“I got invited to a party tonight --”

“You did? Oh, that’s wonderful!”

“Yeah, and I don’t know what to wear… “ Mae confessed, nerves making her ramble as she continued, “Alice would go overboard, and my mom… well, she usually just wears papa’s clothes -- which, yeah, sweet and all, but not the look I want to go for. I don’t even think she knows what someone is supposed to wear.”

During her soliloquy, Emmett had plopped down on the bed, amused at the direction this course of events was taking. He relished any opportunity that revealed things he could use as ammunition against his siblings in the future.

“Go away, Emmett. This is girl time, and it doesn’t require your input,” Rose directed, looking at him as she pointed a commanding finger at the door. Emmett’s mouth dropped open in outraged betrayal. “Now.”

Slowly, he got up. Rose headed towards her closet, pulling out a black sheer top that Mae had never seen her wear before.

The sight made Em pause, and he pointedly remarked, “Keep in mind she’s your niece, and you don’t really want to have to kill anyone tonight if she goes out wearing something like that.” 

“Hmm. Yes, you’re right,” Rose said, hanging the shirt back up, and pushing the hangers. She stopped on another, briefly pausing before shaking her head and continuing to sort through the assortment of clothing. “They’ll look regardless, but she can handle herself if need be.”

Mae felt a surge of pride at her aunt’s faith in her, but it died when she caught sight of Roaslie’s face pinched with perplexed concern. Mae knew it was for her and not the outfit, because she’d paused too long on a white lace dress for her to believably still be considering it as an option. Vampire minds simply processed information too fast.

“Jasper really should give you some self-defense lessons,” Rose murmured quietly, pushing the dress aside and continuing her search.

“Only humans will be at this party. I’m nearly as strong, fast, and indestructible as a real vampire. I’ll be fine,” Mae assured her, going over to hug Rose from behind. Her aunt patted her arm, and Mae saw the real smile spread across her face at the contact.

It was an interesting prospect though. Fighting. Edward had suggested it years before, and Maggie had reminded her of it in Ireland, but she’d never pursued it after Jazz asked her to wait a bit longer for Bella’s sake. There was no reason it wasn’t something to consider pursuing now -- once she made it through the party first, of course.

In the end, Rosalie picked a pair of short red shorts and a vintage off-the-shoulders peasant blouse. The outfit displayed her naturally rosy, luminescent skin, showing it off nicely. The rest of the family typically covered up so less of the differences in their skin were visible to the humans they interacted with, but she didn’t have the same problem. The clothes were paired with slip-on heeled sandals and a couple bracelets.

“There. You look like you could care less what others think while still looking beautiful and intriguing -- very boho chic,” Rosalie said, clearly satisfied with the results. She reached out and mussed Mae’s hair, making it resemble disorderly waves instead of individual ringlets. It was funny how Rose took such pride in Mae’s appearance, nearly as much as she took in her own -- though Mae honestly believed that they in no way compared.

“You’re the best!” Mae squealed, throwing her arms around Rosalie, and making her aunt smile smugly at the praise.

Skipping down the steps, Mae found Bella and Jasper waiting for her in the family room. Bella looked anxious, and extremely out of her depth. Jazz didn’t look much better, but it could be his proximity to Bella affecting his mood.

“What time will you be home?” Bella asked with forced casualness.

“Not sure,” Mae admitted, wondering if that was going to be a problem. If she lived in the dorms as Edward had suggested, her parents wouldn’t even know when she was going out. She just would.

“You’ll call if it’s going to be late? You have an early class tomorrow,” Bella said, smiling. It more resembled a grimace than any true joy.

“Yeah, Mom. I’ll be fine, promise,” Mae said, part amused, part guilty. She didn’t want to upset Bella, but she was going to have a life of her own. It was time.

“Will Seth be there?” she asked hopefully. 

Seth had transferred to complete his senior year, but he’d never really been social like that, preferring to spend his nights with Alice or studying instead. And if it wasn’t that, then it was working with Carlisle at the hospital. He’d gotten a part time job as a scribe in the ER after they’d moved here earlier in the summer. Plus he was busy remodeling the house he and Alice had just bought. 

So no, Seth would not be attending a freshman dorm party.

“Geez, Bella. Lay off,” Em said, saving her. She’d have to thank him by irritating a grizzly just for him next time they went hunting.

“We could use the time to go hunting,” Jazz said suggestively, dipping his head to kiss Bella’s neck. Her mom gasped, tilting her head to expose more of her skin to Jasper. “Take your mind off of worrying,” he added, slipping his arms around Bella’s waist.

“Because no one can guess what hunting is code for,” Emmett called sarcastically. “Better run while he’s got her distracted,” he recommended.

“Emmett,” Esme warned from her office next to the kitchen. “Have fun, Dear,” she added, just as Mae was closing the front door, taking Em’s advice.

Anticipation trilled through her by the time she got to the open door of Jackie’s dorm room. The room looked like a box jammed with too much furniture. Two beds. Two desks with chairs and raised bookshelves. Two dressers. Extra chairs. A fridge, microwave, and mini pantry. A television and computer gaming system. Somehow all of this was crammed into the eight by twelve room.

Had Mae been a little disappointed not to live in a dorm? She took it back. Bella was brilliant for wanting her at home longer.

“This is Trinity,” Jackie introduced while Mae hovered in the doorway. Several rooms along the hallway had their doors open, and other girls were going in and out of the rooms like they were all part of the same house rather than separate units.

Jackie was on her computer, frantically typing away, and returned to focusing on her screen the second she finished saying her roommate’s name, and her fingers never stopped moving, even while she’d been speaking.

“Mae,” she offered, giving a half wave when the girl glanced up. Her dark hair was atop her head in two fluffy buns that reminded Mae of cat ears, or maybe curved, furry bear ears. She had a very round face, and a generous smile. 

Though she did a double take at the sight of Mae. It was something most people did, so she’d grown used to it, and hardly noticed anymore. At least they didn’t flinch and jerk away in fear as they did with the rest of her family. Instead, they just wondered if they were truly seeing her clearly. Rose warned that many would assume she’d undergone plastic surgery, and be jealous or cruel about it. That was fine. She wouldn’t want to be friends with people like that anyways.

“Like the month?” Trinity asked curiously, standing and moving to sit on her bed, waving at her desk chair for Mae to have a seat and join them.

“Like a passable alternative for Renesmee,” Mae said lightly. She actually liked her full name, appreciating the significance and thought put into it. But it was a bit much to be called that all the time.

It didn’t hurt that the name felt like a caress when Nahuel would say it on the phone. He always drew the sounds out until it felt like he was savoring each syllable, reluctant to part with it.

Funny, she hadn’t thought of him much lately, but the memory was such a pleasant one, that she made mental plans to call him the next day and tell him about starting school.

“Ah, hippie mom?” Trinity asked, grinning wider.

“Something like that,” Mae said, going with the easier explanation. It wasn’t like she’d ever tell them the real truth.

“So you’re the one that convinced Jackie to come out tonight? Nice. Jackie, come on! Let’s go,” Trinity commanded, dragging Jackie from her desk. Mae wanted to ask what she’d been working on, but Trinity started talking again. “What dorm are you in?” Trinity asked as she locked their dorm room door.

“Oh, I live off campus,” Mae said, wondering why she hadn’t thought to anticipate so many questions.

“Do I hear a house party in the future?” Trinity asked excitedly, reminding Mae of Alice’s enthusiasm for entertaining.

“I’m at my parent’s place. Cheaper,” she said lightly, shrugging.

The hippie comment made her think of communes. It sort of described how her family could be seen, particularly when they’d been with the Denalis. A group of like-minded individuals choosing to live differently, and forming a peaceful community apart from others of their kind. Carlisle would be amused at what he’d started when she shared later.

“Oh, never mind then. Well, come on -- we’re going to have fun tonight!” she insisted, leading the way into one of the dorms a couple buildings away. Most of the dorm halls were conveniently right next to each other making it easy to visit.

They’d barely come inside, entering a long hallway packed with people that seemed to be using all the rooms as gathering spots, when a guy called out to her, “Hey, you there!” He moved through the narrow space to stand in front of her, and continued, “Any chance I could convince you to have coffee with me tomorrow?” He was cute. Tall, lean, sandy brown hair and light blue eyes. Maybe a little cocky. Or tipsy. Hard to tell considering they’d just met. 

“And why would I do that?” Mae asked, enjoying this opportunity to banter playfully.

“Because I’ve had a few drinks, and can’t make a good impression just now, but I’d really like the chance to get to know you. Assuming you don’t already have a boyfriend, of course. If you do, then sorry for overstepping,” he said, staring intently at her.

“At least you’re honest,” Mae said, pleasantly surprised by his response. “And no, I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Is that a yes then? Please say yes,” he said, clasping his hands together in front of his chest like an eager kid. “I’ll beg if that’s what it takes.”

“Yes. No begging required,” she said easily, grinning so widely her cheeks hurt. “I’m Mae.”

“And I’m Eli. Here’s my number,” he said, taking her phone from her hand and typing his number in. “Text me tomorrow when you’re free, and I’ll come meet you -- any time,” he suggested.

“What if you have class when I want to meet?” Mae asked, laughing at his antics.

“It’s the first week. Something tells me you’re worth skipping for,” he said, walking backwards, and not even apologizing as he bumped into several people, even making one guy spill part of his drink. Eli gave a wave then spun and disappeared into one of the rooms.

“Did that just happen?” Trinity asked, staring at Mae like she was an alien.

“I think so?” she tried, then burst out laughing. It was such a perfectly exciting way to start off her college experience. 

“First day, and you’re already taken,” Jackie said, a little wistfully.

“I wouldn’t go that far. I have to see if I even like him first,” Mae said, backpedaling. She just wanted to have some fun and get to know people. Not settle down. Unless he surprised her.

When she was younger, she'd desperately wanted to fall in love. She’d longed for the romance. But after Quil’s wedding, she’d stopped wanting to. Those fantasies had tapered off. It didn’t seem so imperative that she find her soulmate immediately. There was no rush. It seemed much more prudent to see what, or rather who, all was out there, and see if anyone could spark what Jake had within her. She’d not settle for less. And she had a feeling it would take time to find that again -- if she even could.

The rest of the night was everything she’d hoped it would be. The only disappointing moment was when she tried a sip of a mixed drink, and realized she’d never be able to force enough down her throat to impact her. The silly laughter coming from those around her made her wish she could experience the thrill of being drunk just once, but it would never happen. It wasn’t worth suffering through the taste. Instead, she’d just have to live vicariously through her new friends.

She discovered Jackie was into computer gaming, and planned to major in computer science so she could become a programmer. Her family thought she was nuts. She’d been raised on a farm, so her intended career was a far cry from what they knew, but they were supportive despite everything. It was obvious Jackie was uncomfortable being in such a social environment, so Mae stayed close to keep her company.

Trinity, surprisingly enough, did as well. Trinity was the type to make friends easily. She was very social, and comfortable with herself. She laughed and joked easily with everyone that talked to them. When Mae asked her major, Trinity said she had no idea what she wanted to study. Probably communications or business she declared later in the night, long after Mae had forgotten she’d even asked. Then she’d shrugged and said she had time to figure it out.

“Did you have fun?” Bella asked anxiously when Mae got home later that night.

“Were you waiting on me?” Mae asked, genuinely surprised to find Bella reading a book in the family room of the tiny log cabin house the three of them shared. She felt bad that Bella hadn’t retired with Jazz for the night yet. Where was her papa? Was he thoughtfully letting them have a moment to themselves? Probably. 

“I was worried,” Bella admitted, smiling sheepishly. Mae moved to sit beside her on the sofa, resting her head on Bella’s shoulder.

“I was on campus with a couple new friends. We met some new people, listened to music, danced. Had fun,” Mae said, offering a quick run through of her evening. “It was actually sort of amazing.”

“Can I see?” Bella asked hesitantly, trying not to pry, but genuinely curious about this new adventure her daughter had indulged in.

“Of course!” Mae agreed, reaching up to touch Bella’s cheek, and replay the entire evening in detail, including the conversation she’d had with Eli.

“Eli? And a date… already?” 

“He was nice,” Mae said, lips twitching in amusement at the distressed look on Bella’s face.

“Your first date,” Jazz said, coming into the room. He moved to sit on Mae’s other side, reaching across her to hold Bella’s hand. Mae felt the easing of tension Jasper projected, sensing the poptent dose he offered Bella where their hands joined.

“I’m not sure coffee can be considered a date, but it’s something,” Mae said, downplaying the event.

“You know you’ll have to pretend to drink it,” Jazz teased, seeming to take a perverse joy in the thought. Like this small suffering on her part was recompense for making Bella unhappy. Or he’d just enjoy laughing at her expense.

“It can’t be that bad,” Mae said, recalling a hotdog and the elote loco she had choked down on principle after it’d been suggested she couldn’t. This couldn’t be any worse.

“That’s it. Determination will you get you through,” Jazz mocked, nodding with a grave expression that did not mask the amused twinkle in his dark, nearly black eyes. So much for hunting earlier.

“Have you thought about waiting until you know if you have feelings for someone before dating them?” Bella asked, the high pitched quality of the question drawing attention to her uncertainty. 

Being parent to a child dating for the first time was unfamiliar territory for Bella. And based on the stories Mae’d heard, Bella hadn’t ever dated much herself. Only Edward. Jacob had tried, but that had never really happened. And she and Jasper had settled into a long term relationship from the moment they realized they’d fallen in love. No dating or trial period necessary. 

“I won’t know if I do until I get to know the person,” Mae said reasonably. “Dating is a good way to learn.”

“It’s just --”

“Bella, she can take care of herself. And I have no issue with destroying him should he try anything,” Jasper interjected, one hundred percent serious. Mae had no doubt if a guy, human or otherwise, ever did upset or hurt her, Jasper would literally tear him limb from limb and not bat an eye afterwards -- even in the face of Carisle’s censure. Nothing would stop him from protecting or avenging her. 

“Because that wouldn’t be an overreaction,” Mae said drolly, rolling her eyes.

“All you have to do is call,” Jazz replied, still serious.

Oh, geez.

“I love you guys, but seriously, I’ll be fine,” Mae said, biting back her incredulous laughter.

Eli turned out to be a soccer player. He was nice enough, but he only knew how to talk about sports. He was in school on a scholarship for sports management, and wanted to coach if he couldn’t go pro. The idea of dating a less entertaining version of Emmett was about as appealing as the coffee she’d daintily sipped. And coffee only reminded her of the birthday trip she’d been on with Jacob when they’d been searching for answers. 

The memory was pleasant, more pleasant than the ‘date’. And it was nice to recall that time in her life with only fondness -- a welcome diversion from the third recounting of the last game Eli had scored in, complete with hand gestures and a recreation of events using the condiment bottles on the table. There was no lingering pain or sadness when she thought of Jacob, and her fear of the Volturi had diminished as well.

The best part about her date was how it had helped her figure out really quickly that she needed to preplan a few lies that she could rattle off for her next first date. Because she definitely wouldn’t be seeing Eli again, and she didn’t want to have to watch her words so carefully in the future. The tension made it impossible to relax and have at least a little bit of fun. 

~

September

It was remarkable the difference having a purpose made in her life. There were commitments to uphold, plans to fulfill, expectations and adventures to be had with her new friends. The result was a perpetual state of happiness. This, college, had been the right choice. There were so many things to do and try.

The only negative, was Bella’s continuous insistence to know where she was at all times. Who she was with, when she’d be coming home, and how hurt she’d be if Mae didn’t share everything with her gift. Things had never been strained between them in the past, and Bella had always tried to give her freedom, but now things were different, and neither of them seemed to know how to handle the change to their relationship. They didn’t fight or anything as obvious as that, but a new distance had cropped up between them. It drove home that in Bella’s mind, Mae really was still her baby girl. 

She’d hoped that by starting college, they’d begin to develop a relationship that more resembled the one Bella shared with Esme. One where they were family and friends, not just a parent and a child. Perhaps Mae was simply trying to rush the transition. It’d only been a couple of months. 

The rest of the family seemed to be struggling with a similar dilemma, just to a lesser degree. They didn’t know how to treat her as an adult and friend. They always tried to be on their best behavior around her and censored their jokes and teasing, and even the topics they discussed when she was nearby.

And they all had an opinion on her social life. The fact that she’d been on five first dates in the last month was a subject that was discussed far too often for her liking. If only she could lie to them and just say she was out with friends, but she couldn’t bring herself to do that -- even if it meant suffering through their collective disapproval, and Bella’s sincere bafflement.

The night of her birthday, Trinity and Jackie took her out to one of the bars that had a dance floor and didn’t card if you got there early enough. The noise hurt her ears, but she smiled and moved to the beat despite it, happy to be out celebrating. The tree of them formed a loose circle on the dance floor, hips swaying in time with the beat. 

At one point, a guy approached to dance against her back. His fingers rested lightly on her waist. He was the first to take such a liberty and have it not feel wrongly possessive. Most of the time if they went out dancing, guys would try to press against her, or force her back until her butt ground against their hips. Typically, they’d have grabby hands that tried to wander a bit too much with uncomfortable familiarity within seconds of approaching her. This was different. Respectful. 

Trinity rolled her eyes, and gave a negative shake of her head, but Jackie gave her a look that said she thought he had potential.

Turning, Mae inspected her dance partner. He immediately released her, assuming she had a problem. He was short, maybe only an inch taller than her, and skinny. Probably a freshman too. He sort of had a geeky haphazard appearance emphasized by his graphic t-shirt that had the chemical symbol for iron with the word irony under it. Honestly, he reminded Mae of an eager puppy.

Impulsive, she said, “It’s my birthday. Can I kiss you?”

For all the dates she’d been on, she had yet to kiss any of the guys. There just wasn’t anything appealing enough about them to tempt her by the end of their outings. But right now, she was tempted. She wanted to know what it was like, and he was sweet.

The stranger smiled, clearly surprised by the request, but he stepped closer and reached to cup her face. Leaning in, he gently brushed his lips to hers. His nose bumped hers as he tilted his head more. Then she felt his cool tongue trace the seam of her lips. Opening her mouth, he darted his tongue in teasingly, before retreating and breaking off. 

It was pleasant. Interesting. Even if she wasn’t overwhelmed, and it didn’t live up to the hype she’d expected.

“Happy birthday. Thank you for the dance,” he said, smiling bashfully and blushing tomato red. 

With that, he excused himself, heading towards the bathrooms, and getting a clap on the back as he passed a nearby table from someone that she suspected was a friend.

~

October

A few nights before Halloween, Trinity, and her friend Amari talked Mae into going on a group bowling date with them. Trinity insisted that Amari’s boyfriend had a friend that Mae would like. It sounded like fun, so she agreed. 

“They do a half price lanes thing every Thursday -- I used to come every week with my ex, Gabby,” Matt said, tying the laces of the bowling shoes he’d brought with him. 

Mae was still eyeing the pair she’d rented critically. There were smells coming from them her overly sensitive nose detected that had her second guessing the wisdom in agreeing to this particular venture.

“Oh? You must be pretty good then,” she said, plastering on a smile, and going for it. Her feet slid easily into the noxious material.

“Yeah, she wasn’t, but --” he began, but cut himself off, wincing as he realized he was still discussing his ex girlfriend while on a blind date. Mae didn’t mind, others had done the same before. She guessed it was hard after a person went from being a significant factor in your day-to-day, to nonexistent overnight as most breakups typically involved. “Sorry,” he muttered.

“Recent breakup?” she asked sympathetically.

“About a month. It was mutual. We met at freshman orientation two years ago, just sort of latched on to one another from day one,” he explained. Mae caught Trinity’s eye over Matt’s shoulder, and had to restrain her laughter at the exasperated look on her friend’s face as she listened in on them.

Trinity was there with a guy, Dante, that she’d met a few weeks earlier. The two had been out a couple times since the party they’d met at.

“I’m sorry. That must be hard,” Mae murmured, bending to tie the laces, so her smile at the mock neck wringing Trinity was miming behind him wouldn’t be seen and make Matt think she was laughing at him.

“Getting easier all the time, and I’m here with you, which helps. Promise not to mention Gabs again,” he said, heading over to grab a bowl from one of the racks.

“It’s fine,” Mae assured, selecting a shiny blue one for herself.

Ten minutes later, Mae had successfully rolled strikes on each of her turns. Bowling was a bit too easy for her.

“There was one time last spring, Gabby had three strikes in a row, then she didn’t hit another pin all night,” Matt said. Mae pressed her lips together even as she felt her eyes grow wide when he brought up Gabby again. When Matt noticed the way the other two guys were staring at him incredulously, he realized what he’d done, and quickly said, “I swear, that was the last time.”

It wasn’t.

Not by a long shot.

So much for a mutual breakup.

Mae joined Trinity and Amari back in Trinity’s room after the night ended. Trinity was regaling Jackie with the entire amusing tale of how the night had progressed. They’d invited her, but she’d declined, not wanting to be a seventh wheel, preferring to spend the night gaming or coding, or something more her scene.

“You’re like a walking dating app for failed connections,” Trinity declared.

“I don’t understand how someone that looks like you can have such bad luck,” Amari said. Mae had only known her a short time. She and Trinity had an English class together and had started hanging out earlier in the year. It was actually through Amari that Trinity met Dante.

“She’s too picky,” Trinity announced, flopping down on her bed after she’d reenacted several scenes that had taken place at the bowling alley, complete with over-the-top improved actions for Jackie’s benefit.

“There’s nothing wrong with high expectations,” Mae said defensively. She wasn’t going to get serious with just anyone simply because she didn’t want to be alone. There had to be more.

“No one can even jump high enough to reach the bar you’ve set,” Trinity retorted with a laugh that came out more as a snort.

“The right person could,” Mae insisted.

“Are you hung up on an ex or something?” Jackie asked, leaning back in her desk chair so it balanced on the hind legs.

“Or something,” Mae said vaguely, not wanting to try and explain the complicated feelings for Jacob she’d had, but never acted on or how she’d gotten over him yet still wanted someone that was as handsome, funny, intelligent, and accepting. It wasn’t that big an ask. Surely.

“You don’t really talk about high school,” Jackie remarked, studying Mae in a whole new way.

“That’s because I was homeschooled,” Mae fired off drolly.

“That explains so much about you -- I knew you had a hippie mom!” Trinity shouted, sitting up to look at her. Amari smacked her arm for the bluntness of her words. “What? You have to know you’re a little peculiar,” Trinity stated, giving Mae a look that clearly said, sorry, but you are.

“You’re all tact,” Amari said sarcastically.

“Tact is overrated. You’re supposed to be able to be honest with your friends,” Trinity insisted, making them all laugh lightly.

When she got home, Edward and Leah were waiting up for her with Bella, Jasper, Alice, and Seth. Her dad and Leah had flown in for the weekend to surprise her, but had insisted she keep her date that night since that could spend the time with the rest of the family -- meaning Esme fussed over Edward while Leah and Seth went for a run together.

Idly, as she locked her car, she regretted that Matt actually was a decent kisser, better than the others she’d kissed since her birthday. Too bad he was hung up on Gabby. Because yes, she’d gone ahead and kissed him at the end of the date despite knowing she had no intent of seeing him again. Kissing was fun, so why deny herself one bright spot in and otherwise wasted - actually, it’d still been fun, so maybe unsuccessful was a better word for describing her night. He might have been worth exploring more with. There were a number of things --

“You kissed him?” Edward demanded the second she opened the front door. He looked furious, disappointed, and honestly, a bit nauseous. His words froze her in place. “How many others have there been?” 

Shit.

Quickly as possible, she thought about the paper on french impressionists she was working on that was due the next week.

“Mom? A little help,” Mae begged, shooting her a pleading look. Bella’s face pinched, but a second later she nodded. Ever since her lessons with Kate, she’d learned to be able to project her shield outwards to protect others from various gifts. In this case, she was shielding Mae’s thoughts from her father.

“Really? You guys are teaming up against me now?” Edward said, slightly shocked by the turn of events.

He’d never participated when Bella was learning how to manipulate her gift, so this was the first time he found himself encountering the effects, though he’d no doubt heard about her progress in other’s thoughts. No mind, aside from Bella’s, had ever been silent to him, but now his daughter’s was. 

Mae had known this would come in handy, and had practiced with Bella after her first date for when Edward came to visit. She didn’t want her father to have to suffer through hearing her romantic thoughts. It was slightly disturbing to consider, and she had a feeling he’d been ready to go after Jacob after Quil’s wedding, and nothing had even happened back then -- Mae had just considered what it would be like.

“So it is working,” Mae said smugly.

“What’s this about kissing?” Leah asked, her face a blank mask. 

The day before, when they’d first arrived, Leah had looked at Mae like she was seeing her for the first time. It had only been four months since her aunt had last seen her, and while they frequently talked on the phone, it was different seeing the changes in Mae for herself after the absence. Mae knew she looked visibly older than all three of her parents at this point. A human probably wouldn’t be able to tell, but Leah didn’t have ordinary eyes. There was no denying the fact that Mae was quickly approaching the point when she’d freeze into her immortality.

“Doesn’t matter. I’m not seeing Matt again,” Mae muttered, disturbed by the flash of envy she’d seen in Leah’s expression. Ordinarily, she’d think it was just a trick of the light, but she’d seen Jazz react at the same moment, so she knew it had happened.

“I thought it was Eric -- or was he last week? I must be getting senile, because I just can’t keep track anymore. What was wrong with this one?” Alice teased, trying to lighten the mood.

“Too tall? Too sweaty? Chewed with his mouth open?” Seth suggested, playing off of Alice.

“You know, this is the second time tonight I’ve been accused of being too judgy,” Mae said, not really in the mood to go through this all again, even if it was good natured. Edward looked a little traumatized by it all, and she feared for his sanity if they continued on in this vein.

“Maybe you should wait and get to know the person first,” Edward said, completely serious. He did not like the idea of Mae behaving the way others of more recent generations did when it came to matters of the heart and body. “No sense kissing boys you know you don’t have feelings for.”

“And yet it’s still fun. Besides, now you sound like Mom,” Mae sighed.

“Bella demonstrated excellent restraint when it came to dating,” Edward said, sitting up straighter.

Alice snorted, then clamped a hand over her mouth. Peels of laughter spilled forth despite her efforts to contain them. Eventually, she got out, “I seem to recall -- you voicing things differently -- back then,” she forced out between the chiming sounds.

“Alice,” Edward warned, glancing pointedly at Mae. Ah, so it was to be a double standard. He knew how much she hated when he tried to pull that crap.

“‘She doesn’t have enough experience to know what she wants’,” Alice mocked, doing her best impression of a frustrated and overbearing Edward. She even managed to deepen her voice to sound passably like him.

“How many guys are we talking here?” Leah asked cautiously. She glanced at Seth, and he grimaced, giving her a slow nod.

“A new one every few days,” Seth answered for Mae. It wasn’t that ridiculous. Eleven total. Okay, twelve including the guy she’d kissed on her birthday. More like one or two a week, but so far none were interesting enough for a second date.

“It’s not that many,” she insisted.

“And how many bodies?” Leah asked Jasper, only semi joking.

“Mae is perfectly capable of disposing of them at the end of the night without any bloodshed,” Jasper said proudly.

The idea of her running through men like blood bags at a hospital reminded her of Claire’s comments at Quil’s wedding. She’d scoffed at the girl for wanting to do the very thing she currently was. Great. This had to be karma.

“On that note, I have a midterm tomorrow, so I’m going to bed. I’ll see you later,” Mae said, waving to them and retreating to her bedroom. Sleep did not come quickly that night.

~

November

Mae strolled across the quad as she listened to her phone ring.

After the disastrous incident at Quil’s wedding, she’d stopped taking Jacob’s calls. She was simply too mortified. Then he’d stopped calling all together. Part of her reaching out today was to see if he’d answer. 

“Hi, Nessie,” he answered. There were the sounds of movement, and a door opening and closing from his end.

The fact that he did take her call gave her a sense of power. She’d inadvertently given him too much when she accidentally revealed her feelings that fateful day. This, her being the one to initiate contact between them, changed the dynamics. 

Jacob had always been the one in control of their relationship. The one guiding it -- always on his terms. And she’d been fine to go along with that. To put everything on him, and expect him to shoulder it with no help from her. Now, with this change, it felt like they each had some control. Balance had been restored, or finally established between them. 

Funny how she never would have noticed the discrepancy if she’d not begun dating. She possessed a new comprehension of how people were supposed to interact. Because over the last few months, she’d witnessed the way others called her, then the frequency of calls went down until they eventually stopped altogether and the guy gave up on her when she didn’t call them back. Of course, that was what she was hoping would happen with them after she said she didn’t want to go out again, but it usually took them a bit to believe that she meant it.

“Hi, Jacob,” she said. Hesitating to think of something to say now that they were actually talking. “Kyra’s pregnant again,” she announced, not having anything else.

“I heard. Quil’s crazy, right?” he laughed, the sound relaxed, though quiet.

“Must be. I can’t imagine juggling two babies and college,” Mae admitted.

“Speaking of -- how is college? I still can’t believe you’ve started,” Jacob said wonderingly.

“I have,” Mae stated lightly, kicking at a pile of fresh snow. The powder exploded up before raining back down like a dusting of flour on a baker’s table.

“Have you picked a major yet?”

“No. There’s still time for that. I’m mostly making memories this year,” she said, glossing over her activities.

“Leah may have mentioned something about that,” Jacob acknowledged. His tone was carefully neutral. She didn’t know how he felt about it, but if she had to guess, he was probably proud of her.

He knew she’d been looking forward to really living, which was precisely what she was doing. The idea that she wasn’t letting her family hold her back or their opinions stop her probably thrilled him to no end.

“It snowed today. You should see this place. It looks like frosting,” Mae said, kicking another pile that lined the sidewalk where the plow had gone through and pushed it aside. They’d gotten at least six inches.

“I miss snow,” Jake grumbled. “The weather here is the same all year.”

“We’ve got plenty here,” Mae said, wondering if they’d get more this weekend like the news predicted. Bella had promised to go sledding with her on a nice sized hill near the house this afternoon when her last class ended. Maybe she could talk the others into coming too. Make it a competition.

“Hmm, I bet,” he agreed, sounding distracted.

“Well, I’ll think of you when Emmett has me trudging through several feet in the mountains this weekend, and you’re busy sunning yourself on a beach,” Mae offered.

“The hard work never ends,” Jake bantered back, obviously assumed.

~

December

_One a scale of one to ten, where does our date rank? I’m thinking six or higher and you should agree to let me take you out again. You can pick what we do next time._

Mae was contemplating the text, and her reply even as she listened to Bella and Seth talking in the family room.

“Leah’s going to Seattle for Christmas this year, so I think Alice and I are going to stay with Mom and Charlie. You, Jazz, and Mae are welcome to come,” he offered. They had final exams the next week, then two weeks of Christmas vacation.

She’d gotten home not too long ago from listening to a guest speaker giving a lecture on stem cell and CRISPR research that a guy, Chris, in her biology class invited her to attend with him. It was an interesting topic, and they’d grabbed dinner afterwards to talk about some of the moral, ethical, and practical implications of using the applications. He was extremely intelligent, and she’d appreciated having someone that could keep up with her in that regard. He was attractive too with a dry wit that made her laugh a number of times during the four hours they’d spent together.

“I’ll have to check with the others, and Esme. I wouldn’t want to abandon her for the holiday,” Bella said, though temptation was plain to hear in her voice.

“She understands that Charlie’s Christmases with you are limited, her’s aren’t,” Seth said gently, speaking an uncomfortable truth they were both learning to accept. At least they had each other to relate to. 

Mae read the text from Chris again. For the first time, she was actually considering trying a second date. The only hold up she had, was the kiss. It was only so-so. No noticeable sparks. His mouth had been open a little too wide, so their lips hadn’t really matched up. It wasn’t gross exactly, but it’d been a little too wet, and it’d almost felt like he was attempting to eat her face. Not the most attractive prospect. But maybe with a little practice…

“That’s true. I would like to see him. He’s not the best at talking on the phone. And I’m not much better,” Bella admitted. Mae almost laughed, giving her eavesdropping away. Bella had a tendency to sit, and nod at remarks rather than actually respond. It made for a lot of awkward silences since the person on the other end couldn’t see her actions and had nothing to build on. Charlie was the same way, so the two together were honestly hopeless.

_A solid seven,_ she started to type, just as Seth revealed, “Jake was planning a surprise visit for this weekend.”

Jacob was coming? He’d not -- 

“Was?” Bella asked tentatively, catching Seth’s use of past tense that Mae hadn’t registered.

“He’s helping Natalie move in with him instead now,” Seth confessed, sighing heavily.

Mae set her phone down, rediverting all of her attention to listening to the two in the other room. Living together. Wow, that was… just wow.

“Alice said they were serious,” Bella acknowledged. Talk about understatement. 

“That’s putting it mildly,” Seth quipped, unconsciously echoing her train of thought. “She doesn’t want to interfere, but --”

“Good. She shouldn’t. He’s earned the right to live his life, and it’s obviously a happy one,” Bella interrupted. 

Mae expected the news to hurt, but mostly she was just excited for Jake. He deserved to be happy with the person of his choice, just like her mother said. They were each in good places. Probably the best they’d ever each been in at the same time.

“But Alice --”

“I don’t want to know. She can’t see Jake, so whatever she saw couldn’t involve him directly,” Bella insisted, making it clear she didn’t want to butt into his life and screw things up for him, or let Alice do it either. Seth gave an exasperated snort. “I take it that means Jacob won’t be in La Push for Christmas either?” Bella asked, changing the subject before Seth could say anymore.

“He’s going to Philly to spend it with Natalie’s family since he spent Thanksgiving with his family,” Seth said.

Mae watched absently as her fingers deleted the letters she’d typed, replacing them with, _I had a great time, but we have finals then I’m spending Christmas with my dad in Alaska, so a second date would have to wait a while._

The kiss really was a deal breaker. No point in wasting her time when she already knew the passion and chemistry was lacking.

The talk of family inspired her to make her own plans for Christmas this year. Edward had declined Esme’s request that he come to Wyoming, but Seth had said not five minutes ago that Leah wouldn’t be with him either. Given the conversation she’d had with Edward before their move, she suspected there was more going on if Leah was spending the holiday away from him. Edward would be alone, and that just wouldn’t do. They might be fighting more now as he resisted all signs and evidence of her growing up, but he was her dad and she loved him.

Almost at once, Chris’s reply popped up on her screen.

_I’ll go ahead and take that as a no, you don’t want to see me again. Feel free to correct me though if I’ve made a mistaken assumption._

She didn’t reply. Ten minutes later, her phone dinged again.

_That’s what I thought. Merry Christmas, Mae._

This time Mae responded, politely letting him know she’d seen, and that they were on the same page. _You too._

~

December

“Merry Christmas, Dad,” Mae said, stepping out of the taxi she’d taken from the airport to the house Esme and Carlisle had owned while they all lived in Alaska. When they moved, Edward and Leah had moved in so the couple would have a little welcome privacy from the rest of the Denalis thanks to Edward’s gift. 

Edward had come outside when he heard the car approaching, and probably detected the tenor of her thoughts. Seeing him made her smile. Coming here had been the right choice. She’d make it up to Charlie and Sue another time for not being with the others this year.

“Renesmee?” he breathed, awe-stricken at the sight of his daughter standing so unexpectedly in front of him.

“Surprise. I didn’t want you to be alone for the holiday, and I knew you’d not come to us,” Mae said, shrugging like it was no big deal, but privately chastising him. Edward did enjoy his solitary wallowing and angsty brooding.

Edward’s lips twitched, a self-mocking smile at the truth of her assessment.

“I was thinking of playing a little. Would you join me?” he requested, taking her bag and leading her inside.

Once seated at the piano bench, Mae shared the song she’d been working on, incorporating Edward’s tweaks and suggestions, enjoying the language they’d always shared. She planned to use the song in a short video she was making for Emmett and Rosalie’s anniversary.

When Edward played his latest piece for her, she knew instantly from the dark and anguished feel that it was about Leah. Her aunt had called a couple days prior to say that she’d decided to stop phasing. Currently, she was with Quil, helping look after Jay since Kyra was confined to bed rest after some complications with her pregnancy. Being around baby Jay made her long to start a family of her own. She’d said it was time.

“I didn’t know she called you,” Edward murmured, continuing to play, though far more stiffly.

“She thought she owed me an explanation,” Mae admitted. She didn’t think Leah should feel obligated, it was her life and she had to do what she needed to be happy, but Mae appreciated the thoughtfulness that motivated the call.

“I thought we’d have more time together,” Edward said, barely audible. Mae wanted to hug him, but she suspected any physical contact would be unwelcome at that moment. Edward was about to break down, and he didn’t want his daughter to witness it. He was too private to be so vulnerable in front of her.

“She wants a family. I get it,” Mae acknowledged, trying not to dwell on the way it made her feel to think of Leah getting the chance to start a family.

Something about her thought was enough to freeze Edward’s fingers. They hovered over the keys, motionless as a statue. His attention had strayed completely from his heartbreak to her dilemma. 

“Have you spoken to Carlisle?” he asked carefully, uncertainty and pain making his voice thick.

What was the point? Her body didn’t function normally. She’d stop aging in a little over a year -- two at most. She’d never had a period. Certainly she’d be like the other women in her family. Children weren’t in the cards for her -- not that she wanted them now or anything. But it would have been nice to at least have the option someday. Her body seemed to have other ideas. It was a fact she just had to accept. Talking to Carlisle wouldn’t fix her. She was what she was.

“This isn’t about me. How are you doing? She still has her last semester to complete, right? Is she going to stay with you for it?” Mae asked, desperate to change the subject, and wanting to be sure Edward was all right.

“Discussing this with my daughter isn’t something I feel comfortable doing,” Edward said, resuming playing. At least he wasn’t going to push the other topic. Sometimes it was helpful that he could read her mind, and therefore knew how adverse to the idea she’d been. Plus there was the whole old-fashioned bit. Edward was raised during a time when such topics weren’t openly mentioned, let alone discussed. He didn’t know how, and she was just fine with that.

“Mom has the same problem. Someday I hope we can be friends the way you and Carlisle are in addition to being father and daughter,” Mae said pointedly, hoping that day would come sooner rather than later.

That was why she was closest to Jazz. He felt that need and responded. Bella and Edward couldn’t separate their perceived roles in her life from how things had changed between them with each day she grew up.

The rest of her week stay was probably the best of her time in Alaska. At one point, she even convinced Edward to have an epic snowball fight with her. They erected fort walls and spent hours outside launching icy missiles at one another. It was the most she’d ever seen her father laugh. And it made her glad she’d made the decision to visit.

~

February 

She was on her way home, from probably the worst date she had yet to go on. Nothing in particular stood out, except maybe when he mentioned that he had a record for dealing drugs. And a four-year-old son that he didn’t see because his ex’s parents had sole custody. Those were definitely red flags. 

The guy had eventually picked up on the fact that she’d grown uncomfortable with him, and asked if she wanted to call it a night. They’d been at a concert for a band, if you could call what they were playing music, and were then trapped in a car for the hour drive back to campus from Cheyenne. It had redefined her definition of awkward. 

Maybe Edward was at least partially correct, and she should know at least a few of the basics beforehand next time. They’d met at an art show, where the shirt and tie covered the full tattoo sleeves he had, so she was a little surprised to discover the other side to him at the concert. And to be fair, he was really polite and understanding when he offered to leave the show early. 

But she still had to drive the rest of the way home after they finally arrived at her parked car. She debated between calling Nahuel and Jacob, just to hear a friendly voice before going to bed. In the end, it was an easy choice.

“Ness? Did something happen?” Jacob asked, clearly panicked. She glanced at the clock and winced. It was later than she’d realized. He’d probably woken from a dead sleep, and she knew he got up early to do his internship before going to classes in the afternoon. 

Regret for her impulsive decision had her saying, “No. I was actually calling Papa -- his name is Jasper on my phone. I just hit the wrong button.”

“Why are you calling him at, what, nearly two in the morning your time? Where are you?” he asked, the concern had been replaced with genuine curiosity. 

“Would you believe I was craving a late night snack? Hoped he’d order pizza for me when I get home from a review session,” she tried, not really wanting to talk about her weird date.

“No,” he said immediately. “Not for a second.”

“I never get anything past you,” Mae joked, enjoying that it was the truth no matter how much time passed between calls.

“You’re a terrible liar. Blood would have been much more believable,” Jacob suggested.

“I’ll remember that for next time,” Mae said lightly.

“Do you --”

_Babe, what are you doing? Come back to bed,_ Natalie’s sleepy voice sounded from the speaker.

“Be there in a bit,” he said sharply, almost annoyed.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Mae said uncomfortably. It was hard to face evidence of the relationship he had with the perfect woman Mae had met. While she wanted Jacob happy, she didn’t particularly like to think about the reason making him happy. Especially not in the context of her in his bed.

_I can think of a few things I’d like to do to you if you’re having trouble sleeping,_ Natalie offered seductively, attempting to entice him into joining her over continuing his conversation.

“Ness --”

“Bye, Jacob,” she said, quickly disconnecting.

~

June

After Leah moved to California, Edward came to stay with Carlisle and Esme for a little over a month. He refused to stay longer because he didn’t want to bring everyone down with his constantly morose mood. Not to mention the more frequent than necessary tiffs he and Mae were getting into whenever he weighed in on her social life. It made so much sense now why he’d wanted to stay behind and give her space. He was incapable of keeping his opinion to himself, and he always thought he knew best.

Mae heard Jazz telling Bella one night that while Edward was upset, he’d be able to move on one day. He’d spent most of his time with Leah mentally preparing for this eventuality. As a result, he’d never let himself love her as deeply as he was capable of loving her. The two heartbreaks, only a few years apart though, probably meant he’d be more cautious in the future unless someone managed to catch him off guard enough that he was hooked before he could create a protective barrier around his heart.

At least he was still willing to try again in the future.

The time with Edward was nice. She liked having all of her family close by, and she’d gotten pretty good at blocking her own thoughts when Bella wasn’t around to shield her. 

There was only one time she slipped, thinking Bella was shielding her when she hadn’t been. The result was a fairly huge blow out.

She’d been texting Nahuel, asking, _Have you ever been drunk before?_

_Not from alcohol, but the blood of a drunk human makes you rather enjoyably light-headed,_ he replied. 

_Really?_

_You should try it,_ he suggested.

What would that be like? It was an idea she’d toyed with before. Nahuel brought it up often enough that it was impossible not to truly consider. Fresh human blood. She’d never drunk straight from the vein. How much more potent would it be than blood bags? And with the added effects of getting buzzed…

Would it really be so wrong to try it? As he’d said before, she wasn’t venomous. She could drink without killing. It couldn’t be that hard to control herself. What if --

“Tell me I’ve misunderstood what Nahuel is suggesting you do,” Edward demanded, deadly quiet as he pinned her in place with his eyes.

For half a second, Mae almost let it go, almost just said what he wanted to hear. She knew he was hurting over Leah’s departure, and was itching for a fight to take out some of his helpless frustration. But she just couldn’t let this go. If she did, he’d think he still had the right to boss her around in the future. Things were changing, and this was as good a time as any to make that clear to him.

“It’s my choice,” Mae said defiantly, practically daring him to tell her she couldn’t. She loved her family, but she would not allow them to decide how she lived her life. This last year had taught her to stand up for and make choices on her own based on her desires -- not theirs. 

More, she knew each member of her family’s history at this point. All of it -- good and bad. She knew he’d rebelled against Carlisle. That he’d spent years actively hunting and killing humans. He might regret it now, but he’d be a hypocrite if he tried to stop her.

“I’m your father. It’s my job to make sure you don’t repeat my mistakes. And you better believe that I will stop you,” Edward said fiercely, voice barely controlled.

“Edward!” Bella’s shocked exclamation rang through the room as she hurried in, Jasper not even a half step behind, his body seeming to almost curl around Bella as they moved together, a single cohesive unit. 

Immediately, a powerful wave of medical strength calm descended, blanketing the room. Mae rejected it as much as she could, resisting the drugging effect of the novocaine numbness despite seeing the distress on Jasper’s face when he felt her anger and resentment directed at Edward.

“He wants her to drink human blood. He --”

“He isn’t making me do anything. If I decide I want to hunt humans, then that will be my decision,” Mae fired back, standing up to face off with Edward. She heard the others in the house moving about restlessly, but none interceded. This was for the immediate family only.

“No. Absolutely not. I forbid it,” Edward declared.

“That’s rich!” Mae hissed, glaring at him. He was so infuriating! So high-handed. She had a mind of her own. Why couldn’t he respect her ability to use it?

“Don’t, Edward. Remember last time,” Jasper warned, his words cutting over hers.

“Bella, tell her she can’t,” Edward pleaded, turning agognized eyes onto her mother, searching for an ally.

For almost two full minutes, Bella remained silent, a debate warring across her face. Then she finally spoke, softly refusing, “I can’t do that.”

“You can’t be all right with this. You’ve proven to all of us the power of determination, and the ease of resisting with the right willpower -- there’s no way she’s less strong willed than you. This isn’t an accident. She’s choosing to make herself a monster,” Edward insisted, horrified that she was willingly considering going down this path.

“I won’t force my opinions and decisions on her. I hated when you tried to do the same to me,” Bella elaborated.

But Edward had already turned from her, seeming to know she was a lost cause, despite not being able to read the depth of her conviction in her mind.

“Jasper, surely -- seriously?” Edward began, but changed course once he realized he’d get no help from his brother either. “What did I expect, given your history,” Edward said angrily, shaking his head and summarily dismissing Jasper.

“She has to figure it out for herself. Trust me. She can’t commit to our way, not really, if it’s not her choice,” Jasper explained, trying to make Edward understand his and Bella’s position. Seeing him defend her nearly wore her down. She knew that would not be his choice for her. If anything went wrong, she’d have to live with the guilt of taking a life. He’d never be all right with her experiencing that pain. “I will always support her.”

“Carlisle allowed each of us that freedom -- yourself included,” Bella added. “Renesmee, I will always love you -- no matter what you do. But I ask that you think of Charlie, Billy... Jacob,” Bella said, pausing deliberately as she mentioned the wolf.

His name was like a slap in the face. Never would she willingly do something to hurt him. Never. And hunting humans would hurt him. Indirectly, yes, but he’d never look at her the same afterwards. Even if he didn’t see her again for another hundred years. And that would kill her. Utterly destroy her.

“Everyone is someone’s family… the same as they are to you. Just remember that,” Bella said quietly. “The choice is always yours though -- not either of your fathers’ or mine.”

It had been an abstract idea before, but not after the thought of someone taking advantage of Billy. He was such a proud man, even trapped in his chair. Of the hurt and betrayal Jacob would feel if she went down a path that made her his enemy. The very idea was repugnant to her.

Edward looked satisfied. He’d won, even if only by default.


	10. 10: Stepping up, it was bound to happen eventually - Jacob

Author’s Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think! 

PS I’m not Stephenie Meyer, so I don’t own anything :(

~

Ch 10: Stepping up, it was bound to happen eventually - Jacob

Year 5 - 2010-2011

September

Aiden convinced Jacob that now that they were both college graduates, they needed to do something big to celebrate. They’d talked about doing a cross country road trip, but neither could take enough time off work to make it happen. The idea of surfing Mavericks up north in Half Moon Bay where the waves could get up to sixty feet high in the winter actually ended up being Seth’s suggestion during his visit at the start of summer. Jacob was all for it. Aiden thought they should spend a few weekends practicing in the fall before attempting to tackle the real beasts that winter.

They’d driven up on Friday after work, taking turns to make the eight hour journey. There was a tent and a few coolers in the backseat. Supplies so they didn’t have to rent a hotel and could be two of the first in the water Saturday morning. Sunday morning too. They figured they could get a good six or seven hours of surfing in before needing to go home on Sunday, and still get a full eight hours sleep before work on Monday. It was perfect.

Nat said they were crazy to willingly sleep outside on the ground. And she thought Jake had gone mental when he informed her what they’d be doing. She swore a person had to be suicidal to surf Mavericks. She just didn’t understand the appeal of adrenaline inducing activities.

Saturday was incredible. Ten to fifteen foot waves all day long. Perfect curl. Nonstop rush and excellent practice.

That night, they roasted hotdogs and marshmallows over a fire on the beach. The familiarity of it caused a pang for home to twinge in his chest all evening. They were different times. Relaxed and easygoing. Not the buttoned-up suit and tie adult always on his best behavior to make a good impression that he’d become recently. It was refreshing.

“I’m thinking of getting my own place,” Aiden said between bites.

“Why? Is Natalie over too much?” Jacob asked, worried he’d unintentionally broken some roommate etiquette. 

“Naw, you know I like her. How can I mind watching her cook in that little robe she favors?” Aiden asked, smirking.

“Watch it,” Jacob warned, knowing exactly how much that robe revealed whenever she moved too quickly.

“No, seriously though, she’s great. It’s nice that she always includes me, and I’ve definitely liked a few of her friends that she’s set me up with this last year, but I’ve got a steady income now. I’ve been saving up. It’s time to be an adult,” Aiden said, skewering another hotdog and holding it over the crackling flames.

“Have you already found a place?” Jacob asked, pausing in the process of chewing the scalding food to ask. He could feel a blister forming on the roof of his mouth and healing completely before he even finished speaking.

“Um, no. I haven’t even started looking. I wanted to make sure covering the full cost of rent wouldn’t hurt you financially before I did anything,” Aiden said, demonstrating precisely why Jacob liked him so much.

“I should be good,” Jake said, mentally calculating his finances. 

Since he’d begun dating Natalie, he was putting less away in his savings. The woman truly did love going out as many times a week as she possibly could, but his internship at Philips paid well, and since they were covering his tuition, that was one less bill he had to worry about, making it all a wash.

“You going to find another roommate then?” Aiden prodded.

“Probably not,” Jacob admitted. Initially, when he first moved in, it’d been the only place available on short notice that he could afford. But now he was glad there were two bedrooms. He wouldn’t mind having a guest room for his family when they visited. Maybe they’d visit more if they had somewhere free to stay.

“Hmm,” Aiden hummed.

Jake waited, but Aiden didn’t elaborate on whatever he was thinking about.

“Besides, I don’t know if I’ll stay in California after grad school and my year is up with Philips,” Jacob revealed, confessing a desire he’d not previously vocalized to anyone. He only did so now because he wanted another’s take on it.

“Seriously?” Aiden asked, staring at him with wide eyes.

“Yeah… “ Jake said slowly, nodding. The idea forming more fully in his mind. It’d been lingering ever since Alice asked him to move to Wyoming. He didn’t particularly want to move there, but he did want to be closer to his family again. He thought he just might be ready to return to La Push and not be haunted by Embry’s ghost or Sam’s chilling prediction.

“Have you mentioned this to Natalie yet?” Aiden asked cautiously.

“No,” Jake chuckled. “It’s still three years out, and I’m not fully decided.”

“Don’t wait too long. I have a feeling she’ll have a lot to say on the subject,” Aiden warned, shaking his head at Jacob almost pityingly.

“She could do PR in any city,” Jacob argued.

“Not the kind she gets to do now. There’s only one LA. Unless you were thinking about moving to New York City --”

“No. Definitely not,” Jacob quickly refused, shuttering at the very thought of living in such a densely populated place. The idea made him feel claustrophobic. Then hesitantly, he asked, “You really think she might not want to move with me?”

He really wanted her to support this decision. He couldn’t help but remember how willing Kyra had been when Quil asked if she’d ever consider moving closer to La Push. They weren’t going to do anything until Quil finished school, but she’d not hesitated to agree. Her career as a nurse was easily transferable. The reservation wasn’t. And Jacob was supposed to be taking over one of these days. If she was willing, Nat’s career could be accommodated too. Would she ever consider it?

“She’s used to a certain type of lifestyle. She relishes in it. But maybe -- for you,” Aiden allowed, but Jacob knew he didn’t really believe she’d consider it.

Would it be so bad staying in SoCal? The idea of never moving back home, of taking over for his father, hurt. A broken arm. The idea of not rejoining the Cullens and reconnecting with Nessie and Bella was worse. A shattering of every rib -- a shredded heart held together by a cold hand. And unfortunately, he knew precisely what that felt like.

“Where’d your mind just go? You look… like when we first met,” Aiden said softly, studying him intently.

“Just remembering a friend. He… died. I wasn’t there, but I can still feel what he must have gone through in his final moments,” Jacob said, smiling bitterly at the secret truth of his words.

“That bad?” When he nodded, Aiden hesitantly said, “You’ve never mentioned him.”

“It was my fault he died. I’m still trying to come to terms with the weight of that responsibility,” Jacob admitted. He’d started coming to terms with the fact that he’d never fully be all right with the events of that day. But that they’d serve as a reminder to never make the same mistake again.

“I can relate to that.”

“I know,” Jacob said simply. It was what had drawn Jacob to Aiden in the first place.

“You left a lot of people that were important to you when you moved here,” Aiden stated, and Jacob didn’t know where he was going with the reminder, other than to point out a truth to Jacob.

“Yeah. I had to get out, but I don’t want to stay gone forever,” Jacob said, yearning to return home and reunite the scattered pieces of his past and future. “I really want to move home when I’m done here.”

“Maybe she’ll surprise you. Anything can happen in three years,” Aiden said, all forced lightness.

“I guess we’ll see,” Jacob said, fearing this might be what Alice had been reluctant to share with him during his visit. 

If Natalie refused, Jacob would have to give up his birthright. He’d have to live with knowing he was turning his back on his people, because he wanted a future with Natalie more than anything else in the world. Maybe it was true, you really couldn’t have everything.

~

The next day, about an hour before they left, Aiden wiped out. His startled shout, “Fuck!” as he fell, was enough to have Jacob turning to watch him go under.

The nose of Jake’s board turned with him, angling up and catching on the curled water. Just like that, Jacob was falling. Yanked really. Grabbed by the wave and slammed against a solid wall of water.

_Snap!_

The sound of his board breaking in two rent the air, louder than the roaring cascade of churning water.

Jacob tumbled through the swirling wave, turning within the current like he was trapped in a dryer with shoes. The broken pieces of his board rained blows on him repeatedly with each and every pass. The half tied to his ankle sliced across his thigh, leaving a trail of stinging fire in its wake, burning like so much fire thanks to the salty bath he was submerged in. 

“Jake! Oh, man, I’m sorry,” Aiden cried, running over as Jacob stood up in the shallow water to limp onto the beach. “Dude, your leg! Sit down.”

Quickly, Jacob glanced down and saw the glove of thin red blood, watered down by the ocean, covering the length of his left leg. The wound was over a foot long running from near his hip and stopping just above his knee. His board shorts were in tatters, the wet pieces crumpled and sticking to the flowing blood coating his skin in a thick layer. He could see exposed muscle in the depths of the torn flesh.

As fast as he could, he covered the exposed gash, using the pressure from his hand to stem as much of the bleeding as possible. Then he bent down to rip off the cord still tying him to the destroyed remains of his board.

“It’s fine. Just get our stuff and meet me at the car,” Jacob said, staring at Aiden’s concerned face intensely. Others on the beach were beginning to notice. He needed to get out of there before they got closer and were able to see his rapid healing. “It’s just the water making it look worse than it is. Please, Aiden,” Jacob begged.

“Uh, yeah. Okay,” Aiden nodded, turning to run towards where their bag of snacks and towels were tossed on the beach. “We should get you to the hospital -- that needs stitches,” he called over his shoulder as he sprinted away.

Quickly as he could without drawing anymore unwelcome attention, Jacob raced to the car, gritting his teeth the entire way and hopping in the unlocked vehicle. Already the deeper tissue had knitted itself back together and the bleeding had slowed.

“All right, hospital,” Aiden said, running up and throwing their stuff into the backseat before sliding in behind the wheel. “Where -- Holy shit,” Aiden breathed, gapping at Jacob.

Jacob had grabbed one of the extra towels from the backseat to mop up the majority of the thin, watery blood drying on his leg. The only evidence remaining of his injury, a six inch long cut that was barely bleeding.

“I told you it wasn’t as bad as it looked,” Jacob tried, already suspecting it was a useless attempt.

“Really? That’s some bull shit, and you know it,” Aiden accused, eyes never straying from Jacob’s leg.

“I heal really fast?” he tried, seeing that the cut was now only a couple inches long and the bleeding had stopped altogether, just like when he’d cut his hand at Bella’s years ago and all evidence had vanished just a minute later.

“Obviously,” Aiden said drolly, a sarcastic spasm wrinkling his face as he spoke. “How?”

“I’m a werewolf,” Jake said, going for it completely.

“Get out,” Aiden said, head jerking up to grin at Jake. “This is awesome!” he cheered, not second guessing him at all. Maybe because he’d just watched a serious gash heal in a matter of minutes, providing ample proof to support his words, but still...

“Never had that reaction before,” Jacob acknowledged, watching Aiden carefully, wondering if he’d pass out or start screaming. “You believe me?”

“I mean, you’re going to have to show me next full moon, but I am literally watching that cut shrink as we sit here, so why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t need a full moon, but let’s go somewhere else -- more private,” Jacob suggested, gesturing to the open parking lot with the beach in sight and cliffs overlooking their car that meant anyone who wanted to could see them.

They drove for about an hour, then Aiden pulled off on the side of the road near a small grove of trees along the 101. Aiden just stared in amazement when Jacob phased, then slowly approached, asking, “You’re not going to bite and infect me if I touch you, right?”

Jacob gave a bark of laughter, rolling his eyes slowly for Aiden to see.

“That is so weird, but I’ll take it to mean you’re harmless,” Aiden said, scratching him behind the ear the way Ness used to, like he was a real dog. It felt strange, but he just curled his lips back a bit to show off his teeth. Harmless his ass. He could be a brutal monster -- if there was a threat.

Afterwards, Aiden grilled him with the usual questions for the next couple hours. There were all the standard ones, but then he asked one Jacob hadn’t been expecting.

“Does Natalie know about this?”

“You’re kidding, right?” Jacob asked, giving him an incredulous look. Natalie hated superhero movies, and anything unrealistic in her opinion. Even though he’d finally reached the point that he trusted her enough to tell her, he now understood that she wouldn’t react well to the revelation. Having her world views upended would be about as welcome as letting a puppy at her extensive collection of designer shoes and purses.

“You turn into a wolf, like a real life animal, and you haven’t told your girlfriend of almost a year and a half,” Aiden asked dryly, tearing his gaze from the road to give Jacob a pointed look.

“It’s sort of a secret,” Jacob offered, half shrugging.

“You don’t trust her to keep it?”

“I trust her, but this is too important to risk -- my people are counting on me,” Jacob said solemnly. “And I know she wouldn’t want to know -- you know how she is about fantasy stuff.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right about that. But you don’t see anything wrong with that? You really plan on spending your life lying to her?”

“It’s not lying… exactly,” Jacob refuted, shaking his head, then adding, “And I might not always be a wolf. Then it won’t matter if I tell her, because there’ll be nothing to tell.” If she refused to move, then he’d have no reason to keep phasing.

“It’s not fully committing either. It’s not opening yourself up the way you should be,” Aiden said, giving voice to the very thoughts Jacob had been struggling to rationalize ever since his friends’ visit a few months earlier.

“I… can’t,” Jacob finally said, a little brokenly.

“You know I like Nat. She’s great, but --”

“I’m going to go ahead and stop you right there. It’s my life, and I lo-- I’m with her,” Jacob insisted.

“Sorry,” Aiden said, biting back any other comments he wanted to make on the subject. “One more question though -- for now at least -- Seth and Alice know, don’t they?”

“Seth is one too. And Alice… she’s a vampire,” Jacob revealed. He’d already explained about the relationship between wolves and vampires, and that veggie vamps were good, but he’d not mentioned specific names.

“Get out,” Aiden exclaimed, repeating his earlier words when Jake admitted to being a werewolf. “Are fairies real too?”

“How would I know?” Jacob asked, laughing at the crazy question.

“Is Nessie something?” Aiden asked suddenly, catching Jaob off guard.

“She’s Bella’s daughter -- half vampire,” Jake said huskily.

“Like your Bella?” Aiden asked, clearly surprised.

“Bella’s not mine -- never was. We’re just friends. That’s it,” Jacob denied quickly, not liking the idea of him and Bella being associated like that. A romantic connection between them at this point was almost repulsive. Like someone suggesting he date Rachel.

“Right. Forgot, touchy subject. Wow. Wait a second, I thought Seth said Nessie was starting college this fall,” Aiden stated, confusion clear in his tone and written across his face.

“She is. She’s approximately nineteen or so now thanks to her genetics,” Jacob said, still unsettled by this fact. How much had she changed since he saw her at Quil’s wedding a year ago.

“You got a picture? I can handle the strangeness,” Aiden said, intrigued. 

“She’s off limits,” Jacob growled, clenching his fists until his knuckles turned white as he fought back against the flash of anger that exploded within him. It was so unexpected. So violent, that he could feel the spasms racking his frame. What the hell? He’d not experienced such a blatant loss of control since he was sixteen.

“Oh, wow, Jake. Yeah, I get it,” Aiden said cautiously, voice trembling slightly and swallowing audibly. 

Jacob wasn’t sure what Aiden had picked up on, but he could tell his reaction to his interest in Nessie had accidentally scared his best friend. Well, fuck. 

~

October

Sundays were quickly becoming Jacob’s favorite day of the week. It was the one day he spent catching up on homework, not going out, and being on the spot for Natalie’s work, and it was the day he went running with his pack. Never would he have guessed, but six years after phasing for the first time, and he was actually starting to love it.

Leah was absent this weekend, because Edward had whisked her away for a romantic weekend surprise. So it was only the three guys.

Seth was thinking about Nessie. She was grinning, in shorts and a dark burgundy tank top with a messenger bag over her shoulder, talking to a couple other students. The entire picture seemed perfect. A typical college campus, and she fit right in. 

How was that possible… Nessie was on a college campus -- same as him…

She was supernaturally ordinary. Superior beauty, casual clothes. Laughing with a girl and a guy. Natural charisma surrounded her, spilling forth without effort.

_I saw her on campus Friday for the first time,_ Seth thought.

_I can’t believe how much she’s changed,_ Quil thought. Worry for the day his son would leave for college slipping into his thoughts, along with something else, but his thoughts shifted before Jacob could properly identify the train of thought.

_Yeah..._

The sight of her, separated by vast distance, the wind blowing her hair, reminded him of his mother’s painting. He had ended up giving it to her for her birthday, after all.

_She loves it, hung it in her bedroom that very day. Bella said she cried, but they were the good kind of tears girls do when they’re happy. At least, I think they were._

Jacob had known she would appreciate the significance of the painting. He’d not realized, but even the girl in the painting’s hair color was similar to Nessie’s if under the right light. It made him happy to think of her admiring the work his mother had poured her heart into. A small piece of her that had lived on after death.

_You’re so lucky Alice can’t cry -- you’d be hopeless,_ Jake thought, knowing Alice was too happy these days to have a reason to cry even if she could. Seth’s thoughts about their time together were miraculous to witness.

_I just make a point not to make Kyra cry,_ Quil thought, a touch of impatience coloring his thoughts. He seemed to be bursting with news, and was annoyed no one had commented, and given him a reason to spill already. 

_Are you planning to share or do we need to guess?_ Jacob finally asked, providing the opening Quil pounced on even before Jacob had finished his question.

_She’s pregnant again! Almost two months along already. We agreed to wait to tell everyone, but I just can’t keep the thoughts to myself any longer._

_I’ll tell her it was the pack mind’s fault -- not yours,_ Jacob promised. 

They were planning to all have Thanksgiving together with their families in La Push this year. Paul had built a gazebo-like shelter behind the Black house over the summer that, with some heat lamps for the human members, should be large enough and comfortable for pack family gatherings any time of year. Well over a dozen people, and one vampire would be there for this first occasion. More, if Sam’s pack members and their families accepted the invitations Jacob had extended.

It had been Jacob’s suggestion, and the others all ran with it, making arrangements and helping plan everything. The idea was to bring everyone together three or four times a year, no matter where in the world they were currently living. A family reunion sort of thing, only quarterly instead of annually. To remind everyone of where they came from, and the people most important to them.

Jacob felt guilty not inviting Natalie, but he’d picked Thanksgiving for the first gathering deliberately since he knew she’d be in London visiting her sister. He wanted to make sure everyone could keep their mouth’s shut about the wolf thing before he brought her. It wasn’t a secret he wanted her knowing. His conversation and revelation to Aiden had only cemented that desire. 

~

November

“What’s got you so deep in thought today?” Nat asked, coming up behind him to drape her arms around him and rest her chin on his shoulder. He tilted his head until their cheeks touched.

He’d just gotten home from the Thanksgiving gathering in La Push. It had been incredible to be around everyone, but without any of the Cullens aside from Alice, he couldn’t help but feel like it’d been incomplete. Jake missed all of them, so much more than words could express. Even Blondie.

“I’m thinking of visiting Nessie in Wyoming. The whole family just moved there, remember? It’d be nice to catch up with everyone,” he said, trying to decide if he should take the whole day Friday off and leave Thursday night or just fly up Friday after lunch. The idea of playing in the snow and running through the mountains had stuck with him since Ness called a couple weeks earlier. 

“You’re going to see her? When were you planning on doing that?” she asked, dropping a kiss on his neck, then nipping the lobe of his ear. He loved when she was playful like that. These days it usually meant he could talk her into skipping going out, and they could stay in and have a bit of fun in bed instead.

“The weekend before Christmas,” he replied, knowing he’d not have school then, and it’d be the best time. Plus, a visit might be a nice Christmas surprise.

“Oh,” Nat said, thoroughly disappointed. Her tone surprised him. She usually encouraged him to go back home and visit his friends and family. Though Billy’s continued disapproval meant she’d stopped joining him, and yesterday she’d informed him she didn’t wish to in the future either. 

His dad made her too uncomfortable. That had been a solid, unexpected blow, but he couldn’t really blame her. They’d visited his dad again over fall break, and Billy had been just as frosty and standoffish as he’d been before Quil’s wedding. And now Natalie was over trying to win his approval. 

Their undisguised animosity was why he’d put off discussing a potential move with her. How was he supposed to convince her to move there one day when she’d forever feel unwelcome? He just needed to figure out a new approach to convincing her before he brought it up. Or get Billy to apologize. Unlikely. He still called Edward “That Bloodsucking Leech”. Not even Jacob found the energy to continue his tirade against Nessie’s father.

“Why? What’s wrong with that?” he asked, turning his face more to see her.

“I was sort of hoping I could get you to help me move that weekend. Take advantage of my boyfriend’s many, many strong, manly muscles,” she said teasingingly, running her hands over his arms then down his chest to trace those aforementioned muscles. His breath caught when her clever fingers journeyed lower to stroke his rapidly hardening member through his pants. 

“You’re moving?” he gasped, distracted when she continued to rub him.

“I mentioned my lease was up, and I think it’s time I move a little closer. This hour commute through downtown San Diego is killing me -- especially when it’s been months since I spent more than one night at a time in my place,” she said, peppering kisses along the column of his neck.

“Why don’t you just move in with me? We’re always together anyways,” he said. She usually stayed with him four or five nights a week. The only time she didn’t was when he had exams or projects for work and needed to focus.

He presented the offer without much forethought, but it did seem logical. Her abrupt stillness indicated she was a little thrown. They’d not discussed the possibility before. Not even when Aiden moved out a little over a month ago.

“Do you mean it? Have you even ever lived with a girlfriend before?” she asked cautiously. He scooted his chair back, and tugged her to sit on his lap. She went easily, wrapping her arms around his neck again, and squirming a bit when she felt the evidence of her earlier efforts to arouse him pressing into her bottom.

“You know you’re my first serious relationship. But I mean it, you should,” he said, liking the idea more as he thought about them taking the next step.

Her lips pressed together, holding back a smile even as her eyes rapidly scanned his face, searching for any hesitation or uncertainty on his part. “I don’t know. I don’t want you to feel like you have to ask just because I brought up moving,” she said tentatively, though she nearly vibrated with excitement.

“That’s not it. I want you here -- with me. Always,” he vowed, making her breath catch.

“If you’re sure, then yes,” she agreed, nodding eagerly, swinging her leg over his lap until she was straddling him. “I love you, Jake.”

“You too, Nat.”

~

February

Considering Jacob had grown up living in a house smaller than his apartment with two older sisters, he’d really not expected to have to go through such a huge adjustment period after Natalie moved in.

She’d officially been living with him for five weeks. Unofficially, since the day he’d asked her to move in. Slowly. So slowly he barely noticed the invasion, her possessions began taking over his space. 

And she had a lot of possessions.

Seriously, like a department store’s worth of possessions. Because who needed twenty-nine purses? Or one hundred and eight pairs of heels?

Her apartment had been bigger, so he’d not really noticed the few times he’d stayed there, but he certainly did when they took up the vast majority of his place. His bedroom suite was moved into Aiden’s old room to act as a guest bedroom, and hers took the place of his. It was much more feminine than he was comfortable with, white and floral with lace, but it made her happy, so he didn’t argue. 

His desk was also replaced with a vanity table that spilled over into an extra set of drawers next to it, and into the bathroom where every available surface was covered in makeup, hair products, lotions, flat irons and curling rods. He’d never realized the extent of her collection, since she usually brought two or three bags over each week, and he’d since learned that she kept others in the trunk of her car because she hadn’t wanted to overwhelm him. 

His closet was also entirely emptied to make room for her wardrobe. The sheer amount of clothes and shoes she had would make even Alice weep with envy. They’d ended up needing to use the guest bedroom closet too just so everything had a place. 

Then there was the way some of his things vanished altogether. Like his favorite chair. Apparently it clashed with the furniture she’d brought, and disrupted the flow of the room. The new sofa wasn’t very comfortable either, but she said that was fine because they’d have an excuse to spend more time in bed instead of watching television. He couldn’t really argue with that point either. Particularly since he didn’t have time for television as it was.

Sunday runs became harder to make. She seemed to think since he lived so much closer to where they usually spent their nights out at, that they could stay out even later on Saturdays, then Sunday mornings they could sleep in and have brunch with friends.

There were other differences too. When she’d been a guest, she’d been great about doing any dishes she accumulated while staying with him. He’d always insisted she was free to help herself, and she had, but then she’d clean up afterwards no questions asked. Now she just left the mess for him to take care of once he got tired of waiting for her to do it. Same with her trash. There were these fruity water drinks she liked, and he’d find the empty cans all over the house from where she’d finish them and leave them in whichever room she was in instead of throwing them away.

Honestly, it wasn’t just the dishes and trash. It was cleaning of any sort. At one point, she suggested they hire someone to come by once a week. He’d said it was a waste of money since they were capable of doing it themselves. Her only reply was to offer to pay for it herself if he didn’t want to, indicating she’d completely missed the point. 

Other little things changed too. Television shows they’d never watched together before -- suddenly he was expected not just to watch, but pay attention to and offer comments and feedback about. Luckily, she didn’t watch very much TV, but it cut into the time he’d ordinarily be studying, so he ended up spending more nights in the campus library than he had throughout all of his undergrad years put together.

Her presence dominated his life, and consumed his every waking moment. Not necessarily in a bad way, more she was just constantly at the forefront of his mind, and it was different than he’d expected it to be. Not necessarily better or worse, just… different.

~

March

Natalie was sitting on the couch when he came inside. She looked furious. For the first time since the day he’d met her and she hit his car, she looked downright pissed off, temper ignited and burning hotter every second that passed. A firecracker ready to explode.

It was after two in the morning, and he was exhausted. He had two midterms the next day, well later that day now, as well as a project he was supposed to present at work that Friday.

“You didn’t even call,” she accused, standing up and crossing her arms over her chest as she glared at him.

He knew she’d been expecting him to attend an event her label was hosting, but he’d already told her multiple times that he needed to study, and that he couldn’t. He was tired of running on no sleep, and sacrificing his future by not getting his work done because he was always doing the same thing -- her thing.

“I sent a text. I was in the library, and they don’t allow phone calls,” Jacob explained, just wanting to go to bed and have this over with. It was the first time they’d ever really fought, and he just didn’t have the energy to get into it right now. But now that they were living together, there was no way to postpone the inevitable. Awesome.

“You couldn’t go outside for five minutes so we could talk about it?” she demanded, incredulous. 

Yeah, that was true. But he’d deliberately chosen not to, since he knew she would beg him to come for at least a few minutes, which would inevitably turn into three hours or more when she convinced him to stay out with her. Using her tried and true excuse that she needed him. It had happened enough times to know the end of that story. Jake always had trouble saying no to her. A fact she knew and routinely took advantage of.

“You know I need to ace my exam tom -- today. I need to bump my grade up after the last test,” he said tersely, gritting his teeth to keep from saying more. 

Not that he wanted to place blame, but this was precisely why he’d avoided talking to her earlier. This exam was too important because she’d called and begged him to come meet her the night before his last test in this class. Going to her had meant he’d not reviewed as thoroughly as he typically did. Then, once he got there, she’d begged him to stay just a little bit longer so many times, that he’d been too tired when they finally got home for him to get through all of the material. By the time he’d eventually fallen into bed, he’d almost overslept and missed the test entirely. That exam earned him his first C in college -- a grade reflected in his current grade for the class. Not a fact he was proud of, and something he hoped to remedy in a few hours.

“I bet you would have if Mae had called,” she said, temper fizzling out.

This was a new issue that had started coming up since the previous month when he’d taken Nessie’s call in the middle of the night. Never had Natalie displayed a hint of jealousy -- she’d never had a reason to! No man had ever thrown Natalie over for another, or even considered cheating on her. But lately, she’d started acting like he talked to Ness all the time, rather than the three total conversations they’d had in the last year. For a grand sum total of about thirteen minutes.

“Actually, no I’d have texted a single word -- busy -- or I’d have ignored it altogether. I’ve told you that she and I barely speak. I’m getting a little tired of repeating myself,” Jacob snapped, letting his own temper spark just enough to make her back off.

“If you didn’t want to go, you could have just told me beforehand,” she whispered, seeming to deflate. All of her remaining ire flowing away as she recalled the events he’d thought but not voiced as well as his ongoing reassurances.

It didn’t seem to occur to her that he had told her that very thing -- several times. 

At first he’d been excited to do something new with her each night. Now, almost two years later, he realized the parties all blended together, and weren’t really different at all. They never did normal things. The kind of things he used to do with his friends back home. The kind of things he was interested in. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d gotten to work on a car or bike -- not since before he quit his job at the auto shop to start his internship. Instead, it was always an extravagant show he had to feign interest in.

As soon as he decided to fess up about not really enjoying going to parties with her all the time, he noticed how wounded she looked. Her eyes were hollow like so much shattered glass that pierced his heart. Guilt was a dark pit, weighing heavily in his gut. She looked a bit like a broken doll, abandoned in favor of a new toy. It wasn’t until that moment that he realized that having him attend the events meant so much to her. Did she need his support to shine as brightly as she did? If so, it was a small sacrifice to make. Anything to keep her from looking so utterly devastated.

“I’m sorry. I’ll try to call and let you know if I can’t make it in the future,” he apologized, torn between meaning it, and just wanting to get some sleep. Sometimes it was just easier to say what she wanted to hear.

~

May

Jacob wasn’t expecting anyone, so the knock on his door startled him. He heard the muffled sounds of someone crying before he reached the door, and by the time he opened it, he’d recognized the scent of his visitor. 

Leah.

She looked awful. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her hair was tangled and in need of a good brushing. There were two bags and a suitcase beside her. It took about three seconds before Jacob had his arms around her, and she was sobbing against his shoulder, her entire frame shaking from the force of her despair.

Jacob was actually rather startled that she allowed him to hug her. It was a familiarity she’d never allowed or initiated in the past. But she’d looked so distraught that he’d reacted on instinct. Brotherly concern for her tore at him.

Eventually, Leah stumbled through an explanation of why she was there. “You know how I spent Christmas with Quil?” she asked. 

She’d gone to help Quil with Jay since Kyra was stuck in bed and couldn’t do anything without endangering the health of her second child. Kyra had given birth to a healthy baby girl two weeks earlier.

“I want that,” Leah whispered, saying the words the same way one might confess to committing murder.

“Uh, I don’t follow,” Jake said, thinking it over and not understanding.

“I want a family. Seeing them -- I don’t want to wait. I love Edward, I do. But it’s not enough,” Leah explained, and Jacob suddenly understood.

“You’re going to quit phasing,” he said, stunned.

“I’ve been trying since Christmas. It’s not working,” she groaned. He remembered the time he’d gone a few weeks without shifting. The pain had gotten worse and worse until he’d ended up shifting in his apartment just to make it stop.

It explained why Leah had been avoiding everyone for months. Just before Christmas was the last time she’d shared a mind with any of them. Most of them were too busy to shift anytime except Sunday. Real life was a bitch at times. Seth was the only one that spent any significant time as a wolf outside of that day, but even he didn’t get to phase as often as he probably wanted to thanks to school and his work at the hospital.

“Because you’re living with vampires, constantly surrounded, and your instincts are clamoring at you to keep the gene active,” Jacob realized, assuming it would have made things so much more difficult for her.

“You nailed it. And… I think I need your help to do it,” she muttered, resenting having to admit she needed help. She was too independent and self-sufficient for that to go over well.

“You think being around your alpha will help you control it?” he guessed, not adding that she probably had nowhere else to go either. 

She couldn’t stay in Denali surrounded by vampires. Seth lived with vampires as well. And Sue was where Sam was. Leah’s ex with his newly pregnant wife. Not exactly a recipe for maintaining an even temper. The one thing needed to prevent unintentional phasing.

“I hope so. I waited until I graduated, but yes, I’d like your help,” Leah said quietly, the words only seeming to stick in her mouth a little.

Jacob didn’t mind. He wanted to help her. Leah was family. Pack. Their ties ran deep, and if he could do anything to guide her during this transitional time, then he would.

“Guess we should get you settled into the guest room then,” Jacob said, grabbing her bags and heading down the hallway.

~

“I know this is a huge favor to ask,” Jacob said, taking Nat’s hands in his own, urging her to understand. He’d just explained that Leah was moving to California after graduating and breaking up with her long term boyfriend. And he’d followed that up with asking if Nat minded Leah staying with them until she was on her feet. “We just moved in together, the two of us. But she’s important to me, and I need to be there for her.”

“She’s like a sister to you, right?” Natalie confirmed, hinting at her newly developed jealous side.

“Closer than my real sisters,” he admitted, scanning her face to see if her decision was made. It seemed to be, but he couldn’t tell which way she was leaning.

“Then of course she should stay here,” she finally said, smiling indulgently at him. “Family is the most important thing in the world. You should always be there for yours,” she added, squeezing his fingers reassuringly.

“Have I told you lately how much you mean to me?” he asked, deadly serious.

“It wouldn’t hurt for you to tell me again,” she said flirtatiously, tugging him towards the bedroom as she walked backwards so as to keep looking at him. “I wouldn’t say no if you wanted to show me either,” she added, guiding his hand between her thighs, and encouraging him to slip it beneath her short mini dress.

The next three hours were spent worshiping her in every way imaginable for being the most understanding girlfriend in the world.

~

May

Aiden let himself inside, not even pausing as he moved to throw himself facedown on the couch. Jacob had insisted that he keep his key after moving out.

“Rough day?” Jake asked, noticing how Leah stiffened at the interruption, and quickly wiped her face.

Jacob had taken the day off, calling in sick to work and emailing his professor that he wasn’t feeling well. Then the two of them had spent the whole day coming up with a plan for Leah and discussing her decision to leave Edward.

He’d talked to Billy, and learned that the members of the last pack had all been wolves for well over a decade before they’d made the decision to stop, and it had still been a struggle. Leah was only at the six year mark. There weren’t any instructions on how to stop, and when he’d broken down and called Sam, all the other wolf could say was that he’d heard it required absolute calm and emotional control. Not exactly breaking news, but at least the conversation went well. No arguing at least.

It was at least a place to start. 

The most shocking part of the conversation wasn’t Sam’s relief that it wasn’t Jacob attempting to quit, but when Sam asked for Jacob’s help once they had it figured out. Jacob already knew Paul was hoping to quit, considering Rachel five years older than him before he phased, and now the gap had just continued growing. But Sam said Jared wanted to quit as well. Ever since his injury, Kim was worried that he’d make it worse running around on it in wolf form or get dragged into another fight where she could lose him altogether. 

Jacob suspected Sam desired to quit as well, but wouldn’t, knowing it would leave either Brady or Colin having to give up their college plans to take over and look after Jax and Nicky. They were so young that Sam’s body probably would force him to keep phasing the way Leah’s did just to protect them. Jacob would offer to take them, even without Sam asking, but they didn’t know him, and it probably wouldn’t work with the distance if they didn’t have a bond in place beforehand. They’d just revert back to Sam’s pack.

“No. Yes. Work is just, eh. I’m starting to think I should have stayed and goten my Masters like you instead of accepting --” he said, the words muffled by the pillow he was talking into until he turned and broke off, having caught sight of Leah.

“Aiden, Leah. Leah, Aiden,” Jacob said, waving between them for introductions.

“Hi,” Leah said, short and clipped. Not the angry bark of her past, but not really up to meeting someone new and being social after her six hour long cryfest.

And still Aiden just stared at her, a little slack-jawed. Leah huffed, and retreated to the bathroom where Jacob could hear the sink turn on. Probably to wash the last traces of her tears away or try to reduce the red puffiness ringing her eyes.

“Did all that sea air rot your brain or did the waves wash the damaged cells away?” Jacob asked dryly.

“You’re funny,” Aiden said sarcastically.

“And you’re being a creeper,” Jacob remarked, wondering what Aiden was about making Leah uncomfortable the way he had.

“Why have I not met her before? Dude, she is seriously hot. The hottest -- I mean smokin’,” Aiden said, surprising Jake. 

Objectively, he’d once thought so too. But years of conditioning himself not to see Leah as a woman lest he be subject to her claws made it hard to remember. Particularly after she’d been crying for hours on end.

“Hmph.” The derisive snort sounded from the bathroom, not the least amused.

“She can hear you. Every word you’re saying,” Jacob warned.

“Good. Then she’ll know I’m not using a bad pick up line when I ask her out in a minute,” Aiden said, sitting up and grinning. “Does that mean she’s like you? Because wow, really freakin’ cool.”

“Yes, but look -- Leah just got out of a serious relationship,” Jacob said, worried his friend was getting ahead of himself. Leah was in no place to welcome romantic advances, and she could be downright cruel at times when getting her point across. He wouldn’t want to subject Aiden to that side of her.

“I’d risk being a rebound for her,” Aiden said, undaunted. “Put in a good word for me, please,” he begged so earnestly, Jacob actually considered doing just that. Knowing both of them, and their relationship histories, he could actually see them being good for each other.

Just, not anytime soon.

“You have no idea what you’re in for,” Jacob said slowly, nodding as he decided the idea had potential. Eventually.

“The answer’s no!” Leah cried out from the bathroom, sounding completely appalled that Jacob had agreed.

“I can be patient. She’ll change her mind.”

“Once she sees how lovable you are?” Jacob asked, thinking he might just be able to win her over once she got to know him. Aiden was hard not to like. Certainly more appealing than Edward. And the two had much more in common.

“Exactly. Why was -- never mind, I’ll wait for her to tell me,” he decided, probably wondering why Leah had been upset.

“Good luck, man. You’re going to need it,” Jacob offered. “But give her a bit a time before you start your campaign, yeah?”

“Sure, man,” Aiden said, grinning in a way that let Jake know he had no intention of waiting before he started trying to win her over.

~

July

Leah’s presence had Jacob reevaluating his life. He’d gone back and forth a number of times over the last year on what he wanted his future to look like. At this point he had two more years in California. And at times he thought he could be happy staying there. Possibly quit phasing and grow old with Natalie. But most of the time, he longed to return to La Push, or at the very least move closer.

And his wolf, the one he used to resent… he finally acknowledged he couldn’t part with it. Helping Leah gave him a sense of purpose. One that was vitally important. A piece settling into place in his very soul. He was born to be alpha to a pack. Finally, he wanted the position.

After weeks of contemplating, Jacob finally broke down and called Sam, beginning to make the necessary arrangements for a transfer of leadership of both the tribe and Sam’s pack. Sam was relieved. As Jake had suspected, Sam was more than ready to step down, and willing to wait the two years until Jacob moved back.

“I have to ask you something -- about our future together,” Jacob began nervously that night over dinner. He and Nat were at a fairly nice restaurant. Jake had hoped the settling would soften her up a bit to the idea he was about to spring on her. 

“The future, hmm. Yes,” Natalie said distinctly, grinning excitedly, and glancing around. She sat up straighter and reached for his hand. Okay, this might go better than he’d anticipated. He’d been worried she wouldn’t want to talk about moving at all. “Yes, Jake,” she repeated, adding another breathy, “yes.”

“Natalie, I know we’re talking distant future, about two years from now, but this is something we should discuss now,” Jacob began, squeezing her fingers.

“What?” she asked, smile slipping from her face as it scrunched up in confusion and… pain… disappointment? But that didn’t make any sense. “What are you talking about?” she demanded.

“Oh, sorry, I guess I didn’t say. Where I want to live and work after I’m done at Philips,” Jacob clarified. 

“Well that’s easy. You’ll work for Tesla and we’ll live here,” Natalie announced flippantly, tossing her wild curls over her shoulder and crossing her arm over her chest. Her lofty expression did little to mask her sudden displeasure. 

“Actually, I want to move back to the reservation. La Push, or at least close by. Maybe closer to Seattle so you could commute and do PR where there are more opportunities for you,” he explained, having tried to take her preferences into account. Seattle had a decent music scene, and he could take the longer commute if it made her happy.

“No. That’s ridiculous,” she refused, shaking her head and pressing her lips together until they resembled an angry slash across her normally beautiful face. That would not be how he described it at the moment.

“Excuse me?” Jacob said, startled by her reaction.

“You like cars, so that’s what you’ll do, and my career is here. It’s not that difficult or complicated to work out,” she said dismissively. 

Reaching out, she picked up her wine glass, and proceeded to drink the entire glass. There was none of the dainty sipping she usually displayed. No. This was full on chugging. And when she was finished, she even lifted her slender arm into the air to catch the waiter’s attention then pointed meaningfully at her glass.

Her reaction reminded Jacob of Aiden’s warning from months ago that Natalie enjoyed her life a certain way, and wouldn’t want anything to change. He’d hoped that two years together would count for something, and they could at least have a conversation about this, but apparently not.

“My tribe, my people -- the ones I am supposed to be leading -- are in Washington. I have obligations to them, and I want to fulfil them,” Jake said quietly, wishing she would understand where he was coming from. But since she’d only been there twice, and wasn’t really welcomed either time, she had no desire to have anything to do with that part of his life, and didn’t understand its significance and importance to him.

“Are you sure that’s the only thing motivating you?” she asked, the question rich with implications and suggesting he had ulterior motives.

“Yes,” he replied. He was confused enough to ask, “What else would be?”

“This is bullshit. Moving back would be throwing your future away and making me give up my dreams,” she hissed, glaring at him, and proceeding to guzzle down the fresh glass of wine the server placed on the table. “I should have known tonight wasn’t -- ergh!”

Never had Jacob seen her like this. Well, okay, there was that one time she’d gone off on a colleague for poaching a client and making her look bad in front of her boss. But that he understood. This seemed like a complete overreaction to the suggestion of leaving California in a few years. 

More than that, the dismissal she demonstrated over his heritage, a history he was extraordinarily proud to be a part of, wounded him deeply. He wasn’t sure he could get past her attitude and unwillingness to consider alternative possibilities for their future. She wasn’t even willing to have a conversation. She was just dictating what she expected their future to look like.

“If that’s really how you feel, maybe we should end things now,” Jacob said thickly, emotion welling up in his throat. This was not what he wanted, but what other option was there?

Nat instantly startled, her mouth dropping open, and her head began to automatically shake in the negative. He could see her backpedaling, the conversation replaying in her mind in reverse. All the ways it went wrong making her flinch.

“Jake… don’t say that, please,” Natalie begged, tears forming in her eyes, pooling in the corner then spilling over to streak freely down her face.

It was strange to think that they went over a year of being together without ever once having an argument or fight. Now they couldn’t even seem to go a month without some sort of blowout. That had to mean something. He wasn’t just reading into things.

“Clearly we envision different futures. There’s no point in trying to make this work if you can’t even respect the things that are important to me to have a conversation,” he said dully, mechanically. Already he could feel his resolve crumpling in the face of her distress. Hurting her brutally wrung his insides. They tied themselves into tighter knots with each tear he traced the path of.

“Don’t say that. Please,” she repeated shakily, grabbing both of his hands. “Just, wait. A lot can change in two years. We have time, just don’t end things because I overreacted. You caught me off guard -- this is not the direction I thought you were taking tonight, and you have to admit this is a little out of left field. We love each other. Don’t throw away what we have,” she continued, gripping his hands tighter, emotion lacing through her plea.

“I just don’t see --”

“Please, I’m sorry,” she said, taking in a raspy, broken inhalation. It seemed to stick in her constricted throat, and her shoulders shook. “It’s another two years. That’s plenty of time to come around.”

“If you’re sure,” he caved, unable to continue being the cause of her heartbreak. Even as he said the words, he felt his shoulders slump, rounding forward under the weight of this ill fated choice. It was only prolonging the inevitable.

“Yes. I love you,” Natalie said, her tears already coming slower now that he’d given in.

“I’m not sure love is enough to make things work when the people involved are too different, and want different things,” Jacob said hollowly.

“You’re wrong. You’ll see,” Nat insisted, offering a watery smile before excusing herself to the bathroom to repair her face.


	11. 11: Lost- Mae

Author’s Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think! 

The theme song for this chapter is Say Something by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera. In particular, during the scene where Mae and Jacob talk at the end. The other song for this chapter is Lost by Kris Allen.

PS I’m not Stephenie Meyer, so I don’t own anything :(

~

Ch 11: Lost - Mae

Year 6 - 2011-2012

June

“What does this do?” Mae asked, holding up a twisted metal tube that looked a little like an uncoiling snake.

Rose’s eyes flicked over, and she answered, “That is the air injection pump.” She kept working as she spoke, tightening a bolt in the engine of Mae’s Volvo. A gift from her father when she started school. Esme had explained that Edward used to have a Volvo when her parents met, and that’s why he’d picked that particular car for her. It made her smile to think about. “It pumps clean air into the exhaust stream,” Rose explained.

The day before, Rose had said her engine sounded funny and that she’d check it out. Curiosity had driven Mae to follow her aunt into the garage, and watch as Rose worked.

“Why is it important?” Mae asked. There were so many different parts. Like a puzzle, they all fit together perfectly. It was sort of fascinating. Definitely engrossing to sort out what they all did and how they interacted.

“It ensures a cleaner, complete burn before the fumes exit the car,” Rose said, and Mae heard the amusement barely concealed in her tone. 

Rose, more than almost any of the others, loved teaching her new things. She loved having Mae’s attention focused solely on her, and being the one to help Mae make discoveries. 

“Where does it go?” Mae asked, knowing her persistent questions weren’t pestering her aunt, and because she really was curious.

“Do you have plans this summer?” Rose asked suddenly.

Jackie and Trinity had gone home for the summer, and they each lived too far to make visiting easy. Besides, they were both excited to spend time with their friends from high school who would be home as well.

“I applied for a job, but --”

“You’re going to work?” Rose asked, shocked, but with a touch of approval. 

That was the other thing about her aunt. She loved when Mae did normal things, or showed signs of progressing. Unlike Bella, Rose found it reassuring rather than frightening or bittersweet. And it was normal to get a part time job in college. Before that, honestly, but Mae’s rapidly altering appearance had prevented her from being able to before now.

“I applied at one of the art galleries in town a couple days ago, but I haven’t heard back yet,” Mae confessed. 

She was hoping to get a little more exposure to the world of art. Possibly see if she’d ever be able to sell any of her photos. This fall, she was planning on taking two more art classes, film and photography. Just thinking about it gave her a thrill of anticipation.

“You should call them, and check on the status. Be persistent,” Rosalie encouraged. It was good advice. She’d read something about that when she’d been putting together her resume, and preparing for an interview if she was lucky enough to get one.

“Thanks, Auntie Rose,” Mae said, hugging her, headless of the grease stains no doubt getting on her clothes as she did.

“In the meantime, though,” Rosalie said, redirecting the conversation back to the initial reason she asked, “what do you think about taking the engine apart and rebuilding it? That way I can answer all of your questions, show you how it works and where everything goes.”

“That sounds... amazing actually,” Mae said, bouncing excitedly on her toes at the prospect.

For the rest of that summer, Mae was either busy working at Artisans’ Gallery -- because she did get the job, rebuilding her car’s engine with Rosalie, taking pictures, making films, or hanging out with Tess, a girl she worked with at the gallery. For the first time ever, there wasn’t enough time in the day to do everything she wanted to do. It was a good problem to have.

~

August

Mae’s favorite class was the film making class. It was an intro level, but they had small units on all the different aspects of making a film, and the semester was dedicated to creating one by the end of the semester that would be counted as their final exam. They had partners in the class for borrowing and operating the equipment, and Mae was paired with a girl named Callie. 

Callie was sweet with a wicked sense of humor, and an obsession with Korean drama shows even though she had to watch with the subtitles to understand them. She was extremely petite, and had perfect porcelain skin and chin-length straight black hair. Her parents were from South Korea, and had moved to the US a few years before she was born. And every day she would munch on flaky pieces of seaweed during class.

While Mae still spent time with Trinity and Jackie, she ended up spending most of her time with Callie. The two had very similar interests, and could geek out for hours in front of a computer editing video clips, graphics, and pictures. 

Almost a month into the school year, the two made plans to catch a performance that weekend since Callie’s favorite band was playing at a bar just off campus. The group was local, and something about their name, Whiskey Sin, struck a familiar cord in Mae. It was two days before she remembered where she’d heard the name before. 

Caleb. 

A guy she’d had a class the previous spring with. He was one of the few guys she’d met that she actually was friends with. They’d gone to dinner and a movie, but she’d just not felt it. He’d been nice to her during class afterwards, not weird like others typically were when she declined a second date. 

“Mae, wow, I really didn’t expect to hear from you again,” Caleb said when she called him that Wednesday.

“I’m actually not calling for myself. Not exactly anyways,” Mae said, hoping to avoid a misunderstanding right off the bat.

“Ah, well, this should be good then,” Caleb said, chuckling slightly.

“Do you remember telling me about that band, Whiskey Sin? My friend told me they’re in town playing this weekend, and I just thought I’d pass it along,” Mae explained. She’d never tried to set someone up before, just watched others do it in movies. They always seemed to find natural segways to casually work into conversation. Quickly, she was discovering that it wasn’t as easy as it seemed. If only she had a script or something to follow!

“Just to clarify, you’re not… using girl talk or something equally indecipherable to ask me out, are you?” Caleb asked, and Mae thought she detected a muffled laugh coming from him.

“No! No, no, nothing like that,” she insisted frantically.

“Got it. One no would have worked,” Caleb said lightly, his amusement entirely unrestrained at this point. Well, at least he wasn’t taking offense at her clear indication that she didn’t want to go out with him again.

“Oh man, I’m totally screwing this up,” Mae muttered, rubbing a hand over her face. Her skin was extra warm to the touch, and she knew if she could see her face, it’d be flaming red.

“You’re trying to set me up with a friend,” Caleb guessed.

“More, I was hoping to arrange a chance meeting, and let you both figure things out from there without my help,” Mae admitted, adding, “but I guess I sort of blew that.” 

Caleb was silent for a solid minute, then he asked, “You really think I’d like her?”

“Yeah, you’re both great,” Mae said sincerely. Their humor lined up, and from what she remembered, their taste in music was not the only other thing they’d have in common.

“Aw, thanks. I didn’t realize you cared so much,” Caleb teased. His ability to roll with any situation and not take things too seriously was part of the reason he was the only guy friend she’d made the entire year. The rest made it clear they wanted to date her, and took offense when she didn’t feel the same. 

“Shut it,” Mae quipped, rolling her eyes.

“You’re a pretty good judge of people from what I can remember. What time should I be there, and since you’re not exactly the best mastermind, should I just join you guys?” he asked, surprising her. She’d not really expected him to agree, especially after she’d bumbled through the process of asking, though this facet of his personality was precisely why Mae had believed he’d get on well with Callie. They both possessed Puckish romantic streaks.

“Really?”

“Sure, why not?”

“I really wasn’t very subtle.”

“Not a bit,” he agreed. 

“Yeah, just meet us there. They’re playing out behind Bud’s. Meet us Friday at 8?” she suggested, knowing she’d have to warn Callie about what she’d done.

“Sounds like a plan. And, Mae? Thanks,” Caleb said.

“Maybe you should meet her before you thank me,” Mae suggested, but the prospect of them getting along made her grin.

~

September

They were having unseasonably warm weather this year, so Callie suggested they rent a boat on one of the reservoirs for the day with Caleb, and one of his teammates, Gabriel. They both swam for UW. Caleb and Callie had been together for almost a month at this point, and Mae liked taking credit for initiating their connection.

They’d been out for hours, doing cannonballs off the side of the boat, swimming, skiing, and munching on snacks. Well, the guys had devoured several coolers worth of food, but Callie and Mae had just munched, Callie, because she was a dainty eater, and Mae, because she still hated human food -- despite suffering through it for appearance sake on a regular basis over the last year. 

“How do you get your skin to glow like that?” Callie asked, pointing at the pearly sheen on Mae’s legs where she was laying on her towel across the front of the boat.

“It’s a fancy lotion my aunt got me -- waterproof, even,” Mae said, acting like it was no big deal. Alice had warned that was the best way to get her friends not to pay too much attention to her differences. Like how even after a day out during a cloudless day in a bikini, her ivory-toned skin would absolutely refuse to adopt a sun-kissed appearance.

“I need to get some,” Callie said, tone more admiring than envious.

“She picked it up in Paris for my birthday. Some little boutique she found. I can find out for you,” Mae offered, assuming Alice could find an adequate substitute if it became necessary.

“Uh, nevermind. There’s no way any exclusive French body product is in my budget,” Callie laughed, falling back on her towel.

“That’s okay, I like the green apple stuff you use,” Caleb said, surprising them by scooping Callie up and tossing her into the water, then immediately jumping in after her.

Mae grabbed her camera and snapped a couple shots of Callie sputtering as she broke the surface then a few more of her splashing a laughing Caleb. Candid photos of people were her favorite moments to capture. Like tiny glimpses into their emotional states and private thoughts. It was the individual moments that defined a person’s life, and with her camera, she could piece a story together. Maybe not the full tale, but perhaps a better version or one that felt more authentic to her. Plus it was fun to fill in the blanks however she wanted. Everyone got a happily ever after that way.

“He’s really happy, you did good setting them up,” Gabriel said, taking Callie’s place beside Mae and smiling as he watched his friend dunk Callie underwater.

“I thought so too,” Mae admitted.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Hmph. I can already guess,” Mae said, noting his tone in addition to the topic of conversation. Caleb had warned his friend that Mae wouldn’t take his interest in her seriously.

“Do you enjoy meeting new people?” 

The question surprised her. No one that questioned her dating life had asked that of her. “Yes, actually. I find hu--people fascinating,” she confessed. “Everyone has a story to tell. Interesting backgrounds. Hopes. Ambitions. I love hearing about it all.”

It was part of why she went out as often as she did. She’d no idea how different and complex humans were after growing up surrounded by vampires. She’d expected them to be more predictable and generic, interchangeable almost, after hearing how her family talked about them. But that’s not what she discovered. Not at all.

“So the dating, it’s secretly a psychology project. You’ve devised a science experiment, and we’re all your test subjects, but we just don’t know it,” he guessed, mock serious.

“Something like that,” she said, glad that he was joking about it instead of making unflattering assumptions or giving her a hard time the way some did. Not to mention, his playful suggestion was sort of spot on.

“Where do I rank?” he asked, revealing a touch of genuine curiosity. When she hesitated to tell him the truth, he added, “Caleb said you never go out with anyone twice. I wondered if I would be the exception. I have this feeling you’re looking for something very particular. Do I have it?”

“I like you, I do, but I don’t think you do,” Mae acknowledged quietly, actually a little disappointed. He was more intelligent than most of the guys, and he seemed to understand her a little bit better. But it wasn’t enough. She was certain she’d feel a stronger pull towards him if he was meant for her or worth investigating deeper.

“What do you want?”

“Would you be mad if I admitted that I don’t know what that something even is, but that I’m certain I’ll know when I find it,” Mae said truthfully, half expecting this to be the thing that made him lash out. She’d come to learn that most guys didn’t handle rejection very well. It wounded their ego, and typically, resulted in them saying hurtful things that were meant to elicit feelings of self-doubt or inadequacies.

“Good luck in your search. But maybe you should think about trying to be happy with someone you like, and seeing if that elusive something develops on its own. Just a suggestion -- take it or leave it as you will.”

Surprisingly, things didn’t get weird or awkward after that. Gabriel was more mature than most of the guys she’d met, and they all still had fun for the remainder of the day. So far, Caleb had been the only other guy she’d managed to remain friendly with once she’d made it clear they’d only ever be friends. Made sense considering they were best friends. 

~

October

Jackie had talked Mae, Trinity and Mae’s friend from work, Tess, into going to a rodeo happening in Cheyenne that weekend. A friend of hers from high school, Kevin, was competing in it, and she’d promised to come watch. Mae suspected she had a lingering crush on him, but Jackie adamantly denied any such thing.

At one point, Mae noticed a horse tied to a rail, and for some reason, it seemed to be watching her. The massive animal was all black, sleek. Its coat shone with sweat, glistening like so much glaze on a pastry. It was beautiful, and actually reminded her a little of Sam in his wolf form. They were approximately the same size and color.

The second she was within reach of the mammoth animal, it shied back, whinnying anxiously. Mae tried lifting her hands to calm him, but he jerked his head, tugging on the leather binding him and sidestepping nervously, desperate to get away. 

“Ever been on one?” a guy asked, watching her from a little ways away.

“No,” Mae admitted, surveying the man with interest from his cowboy boots to the matching, dusty hat. His jeans were tight, and his flannel shirt was stretched taut over his solid chest. The brim of his hat did little to mask his dark piercing eyes -- her personal favorite color. “My Papa grew up on a ranch in Texas, but I’ve never been near one before.”

“Are you nervous?”

“Not really, why?”

“They can sense it. Apollo is usually pretty friendly unless you’re skittish with him,” the guy said, one side of his mouth tipping up as he watched her try to approach the horse, Apollo, again. He neighed, throwing his head back, and lifting his front feet in an attempt to escape. Maybe he sensed that she was a predator by nature.

“I’m more of a dog person,” Mae said lightly, smiling at her private joke. “He yours?”

“Yep,” the guy said, stepping over to lay a soothing hand on the frightened horse’s neck.

“So you named him?” she asked, noting the sly twitch of his lips as he nodded. “You do know Apollo is the sun god, and he’s dark as night.”

“I was going for something ironic.”

“Maybe it is appropriate. You said he can read people. Apollo was also the god of foresight,” Mae acknowledged.

“People typically overlook that for the more obvious -- if they even know anything at all,” he replied, looking at her with even more interest than he had before. It was exciting, knowing the effect she had, and knowing that if she gave the slightest indication that she was interested, he’d jump at the chance. Ordinarily, she hardly noticed, but for some reason, this guy intrigued her. Maybe it was his obvious maleness and earthy appearance. He was rugged, a trait that appealed to her.

“You should never discount knowledge of the future,” Mae said coyly, thinking of her aunt. Alice was going to get a kick out of this when she shared it with her later.

“You don’t honestly believe in that sort of nonsense, do you?” he said, frowning at her.

“I believe in things I’ve seen and experienced for myself,” she answered truthfully.

“Well… that was deliberately vague. But at least you’re not one of those freaky horoscope chicks or a nut job claiming to have ESP or something,” he said with such condescension and derision that she could partially feel it dripping down like drops of rain.

And just like that, her interest vanished.

That was precisely how Alice had once been treated. Belittled, locked up, and experimented on as a result of that fear and superstition. Gifts such as that did exist, and it was close-minded to write people off just because they were a little bit different.

The guy she’d gone to the movies with the night before was more appealing, and he’d been so nervous that she’d smelled anxious body odor for most of the night, and had to wash her clothes the minute she got home to get rid of the scent. At least he’d not been unintentionally insulting.

“Good luck with… “ she said, eager to depart.

“Bronc riding,” he supplied.

“On Apollo?” she asked, curious if he rode the beautiful horse to do it. She wouldn’t fault the horse for having a biggoted owner.

“Naw. He’s too sweet. I’m hoping I can get an ornery one tonight and show off since I’m betting you’ll be in the stands watching,” he boasted, making her dislike him even more. How was it possible he was this oblivious to her disdain?

“Cocky,” she accused, attempting to insult him by asking, “What makes you think I’m not here for a real cowboy?”

“Ouch. Honey, we’re all cowboys here. But I bet you meant a bull rider -- easy mistake for a newbie to make. And I know you’re not, because you’re sensible. And I’m betting you don’t like to share,” he said, acting like he could read her. “They care more about the fame than anything else.” Somehow she doubted he was much different.

“Hmm,” she hummed noncommittally, and strolled back to her friends, leaving him without another word.

“AJ’s a nice guy. Bit full of himself, but most of the guys around here are. I’ve known him for years,” Kevin offered, having noticed who she was talking to.

“Don’t bother. She’s not actually interested,” Jackie said, nudging him playfully with her shoulder. Yeah, no way Jackie had feelings for the guy. Mae definitely believed her.

“Sorry, she’s right,” Mae admitted. “Not really my type.”

“Understandable,” Kevin agreed, nodding. “But do me a favor? Let him down easy. He really is one of the good ones -- at least of those around here today.”

Mae wasn’t all that surprised when AJ found her after his event. Keeping Kevin’s request in mind, she said, “Nicely done. I was thoroughly impressed.”

“Yeah? Thanks! Want to stick around afterwards? I can show you how to ride Apollo,” he offered, moving to take a seat beside her.

“Probably not a good idea. He didn’t seem too fond of me,” she said, offering an ‘Oh well’ shrug for good measure.

“You just need to come around more often so he gets used to you. There’s another rodeo in Fort Collins next weekend,” AJ suggested hopefully.

“I don’t really think I’m a rodeo type of girl, sorry,” Mae said gently, but met his eyes as she said it, so he’d catch her drift.

“I had to try,” he said, sighing and standing up to look down at her.

“Good luck,” she offered, glancing away and summarily dismissing him.

~

February

Shock had her frozen in her car. She’d been sitting there for close to three hours, totally unsure what to do other than watch the steadily falling snow blanketing the campus in a fluffy, pristine coat of icy white shining like so many crystal prisms.

The scent of blood had alerted her in class. Not the most unheard of thing when surrounded by humans. Except it was coming from her.

Mae had discretely excused herself from class, found the nearest restroom, and discovered she was having her first period -- exactly two weeks after she realized her body was no longer changing. Her hair had stopped getting longer, and she’d stopped needing to cut her nails every two or three days because they grew so fast she worried her friends would notice. Those first couple days had seemed so strange when she didn’t wake up and discover a sizable difference from when she’d gone to bed the night before.

She’d frozen into her immortality months earlier than expected. Nahuel had said his sisters stopped aging sooner than he had, and looked a little younger than him. But Mae had expected to continue aging for at least another five months if not longer. Confusion had kept her from mentioning anything to her family. Specifically Carlisle. Their enhanced senses meant they probably noticed, even if they’d not brought it up either. Although she did take pains to keep people from seeing, so she might have successfully hidden it even from them. But she’d not been prepared for this.

In fact, she’d resigned herself to never going through this or experiencing what else it could mean for her.

The idea of going home just then turned her stomach, and caused a sharp tightening sensation to expand outward from her midsection. Were those cramps? Wonderful. So this was to be a complete experience.

Seriously, did this have to happen now? It was bad enough that her whole family would be able to smell it -- she didn’t know how Bella had handled the mortification when she’d been human -- but Esme had finally convinced Edward to move from Alaska a few weeks ago. Mae was certain she’d die from embarrassment if Edward read her mind right now. She needed answers if she was going to regain her composure before facing him. He’d completely freak out if he heard her panic.

There was only one person in the world she could call right now that had any hope of answering her questions, or putting her in touch with someone that could.

“Hi,” Mae said weakly.

“Hello, Renesmee,” Nahuel said cheerfully, her name coming out as thick and sweet as honey. She shivered, the sound caressing her cheek and dancing down her spine.

“You don’t happen to have a way that I could get in touch with Jennifer, do you?” she asked, adopting a casual tone.

He’d gone to visit his sister about a year ago, deciding it was time for him to have an adventure of his own after she’d told him that she’d taken his advice and started college. Between her prodding and his witnessing of her family ties, he’d been inspired to develop closer ties with his own family, and had spent several months getting to know Jennifer, and as far as Mae knew, they’d stayed in touch since his return to Huilen in Chile. 

“I do actually. She recently warned me you’d probably be calling sometime in the next year,” Nahuel said suggestively.

It only took a second before Mae blurted, “You know what’s happening to me.”

“Yes. It’s the natural way of things,” Nahuel said easily.

Mortification swamped her, like getting caught in quicksand -- there was no escape. The more she resisted, the more she sank. Somehow it was even worse that he’d known to expect this to happen to her body when she’d been entirely unprepared. 

Carlisle had concluded years ago that it wouldn’t happen. He’d predicted it would happen around her first birthday, assuming she’d start then and continue until she stopped aging, but it never made an appearance. After two years, he’d concluded that she wouldn’t because her body was as incapable of reproducing as other female vampires were, and that her body was focusing it’s resources on aging, not reproducing. That knowledge had been a blow, particularly when Leah made the decision to quit phasing because she wanted to start a family, but there was nothing to be done about it, so she’d tried not to dwell on the unfortunate facts.

“This is not happening,” Mae muttered, groaning as she banged her head against the headrest of her seat.

“I’ll text you her number, but there’s really nothing you should be embarrassed about,” Nahuel said sympathetically. Of course he would say that. He wasn’t the one it was happening to! No girl wanted a hot guy talking to them about their period, or worse, being the one to educate them about it.

“Easy for you to say,” Mae grumbled.

“Do you already have plans for this winter -- your summer?” Nahuel asked, throwing her with the change of subject.

“No… why?” she asked slowly.

“I’d like to see you again. Perhaps you could visit -- without your family,” he said meaningfully, emphasizing the last bit.

“Umm,” she hedged, not really knowing what he meant by the request, she’d offered to visit last summer before she’d gotten a job and ended up too busy to have visited anyways, but he’d not wanted her to. So why now, when summer was still months away?

“Things could be different between us now,” he stated plainly. “Now that you’re grown, we can be together.”

“Oh!” Mae gasped, feeling her jaw fall open as he made his intentions for them clear. It brought the memory of the crush she’d had on him to the forefront of her mind.

“You’re surprised? I’d thought you understood my desires. You weren’t ready before, but things have changed with this development,” he said frankly. 

As thrilled as she was to hear that he thought of her romantically, because she could definitely picture it happening, her excitement dimmed at the idea that he only wanted her now because she’d provided proof that she was grown, rather than trusting her to know herself well enough. It somehow tarnished the potential they’d once had.

“I’ve sort of had enough surprises for one day. Can I get back to you about that? Plus sort out the logistics,” she said noncommittally. 

“Of course, my apologies. I’ll help you get in contact with Jennifer, then we can discuss this more later,” he agreed quickly, seeming to understand that she had other things on her mind right then.

“Super,” she said, drumming up at least a little sarcasm if not actual enthusiasm.

The text came through within seconds of them disconnecting, and she called Nahuel’s sister immediately.

“Jennifer? Hi. This is Renesmee,” Mae said awkwardly. “Nahuel --”

“Nahuel just messaged me. He is a good friend to you. You must be feeling very uncomfortable about right now,” Jennifer said, sounding highly amused at Mae’s expense. Only the knowledge that she’d been in this position herself, kept Mae from snapping at the girl.

“That’s one way of putting it,” Mae sighed.

“I had my sisters to explain, but I’ll help you if you’d like,” Jennifer offered.

“Yes, please,” Mae said tersely, just wanting this part to be over already. It was miserable discussing this with a complete stranger, particularly as her abdominal cramped, constricting painfully.

“You have, for the most part, a normal female body -- if enhanced,” she said, a touch smugly.

“Yes -- I’m aware,” Mae prodded, that much at least was obvious already.

“That means a finite number of eggs to be released,” Jennifer explained, and Mae was beginning to see where the discussion was going. “With me so far?”

“Mhh,” she agreed, restraining herself from saying, Get on with it already.

“The problem is… your body wants to freeze, and everything is accelerated.”

“Meaning? Sorry, but you’re going to have to give me a bit more than that.” Way to pick a time to start getting vague, she mentally cursed.

“Shorter, more frequent periods until they stop altogether,” Jennifer said bluntly.

“Oh. That actually... makes a lot of sense. What kind of time frame are we talking about?”

“Your period will last about a day -- heavy, sorry, but at least it’s only for about twenty-four hours at a time. And it will happen twice a month,” Jennifer specified, adding, “For almost twenty years.”

“And after that?” Mae asked, assuming the answer, but seeking verification.

“It stops,” she stated flatly.

“What about… “ she started to ask, but couldn’t say the words. The realization that kids might actually be possible for her was too much to hope.

“Neither of my sisters ever tried,” Jennifer replied, seeming to follow her train of thought despite the silence of her question. “Serena, at least, thought she’d have time later, but it stopped before she’d been ready.”

“Have you?”

“For about a decade now. I want a child. Desperately. And not because my father wanted me to, but because I want one. I’m not sure if the problem is that the men I’ve tried with are human, or if we just can’t. But whatever the case, it hasn’t happened yet. I’m twenty-one. I’ve got a few years left to try, but I’m starting to lose hope. If it’s because we can only reproduce with other hybrids, then I’m screwed because Nahuel is the only male we know of, and he’s my brother. Guess it’s good news for you though,” Jennifer said, speaking so quickly, and throwing so much information at Mae that she was struggling to process it all.

“Have you thought about trying with a vampire?”

“And end up like my mother? No thank you,” she said snarkily, drawing out the word no. 

There was an unnecessary cattiness to Jennfier that Mae found off-putting. A few of the things she’d said, if delivered in a slightly different voice, would have been quite funny, but as they were, were almost entitled and snobbish. If this was how Nahuel’s sister with the least contact with Joham behaved, she dreaded encountering the other two.

“Thank you, Jennifer,” Mae said, digesting what she’d learned.

“Let me know when you decide about Nahuel. It’d be nice if at least one of us got a happy ending,” Jennifer requested. 

Only then did she remember the remark Jennifer made about them possibly being able to have a baby. Just because she thought she wanted kids one day, didn’t mean she wanted to think about having them with Nahuel right now. He’d only just let her know he thought of her that way. And did he because she was the only hybrid he wasn’t related to? Great. Now she was second-guessing his motives.

“Hmm, yeah,” Mae murmured, distracted, and hung up without any further adieu. 

Immediately, she sent Bella a text. _Can you meet me at the hospital? I need to talk to Grandpa Carlisle._

_On my way._

In no time, Mae was walking down the hall towards her grandpa’s office. Bella appeared in front of her before she reached the door, scanning her from head to toe. Worry was almost immediately replaced with recognition. 

Then Carlisle was there as well, his lips parting as he too comprehended the situation. Hurriedly, he ushered his family into his office and closed the door behind them.

“I already talked to Jennifer. I’m fine, promise,” Mae said quickly, wanting to reassure them. She and Bella each took a seat, her mom reaching over to clasp her hand as well.

Briefly as possible, she relayed everything Jennifer had shared with her. Carlisle, gratefully, held his questions until she was done. He then proceeded to ask a series of questions that seemed geared towards discovering how similar or different Mae’s experience was from a human’s. While uncomfortable to discuss such a topic with her grandfather, his clinical detachment made it at least bearable.

At least until he asked something that threw her off, and had Bella interjecting on her behalf.

“Are you sexually active?” Carlisle asked, his eyes flicking away and betraying his first hint of discomfort since she’d arrived.

“Carlisle! That’s her decision --” Bella said heatedly, squeezing Mae’s hand.

“I’m not,” Mae broke in, cringing when she heard her voice squeak like a rubber chicken as she shared the personal information.

“I wasn’t prying. I just hope to advise her and prepare her better than I did you. I failed my children before. I’d rather not fail my granddaughter,” he said regretfully. Mae hadn’t known that Bella hadn’t meant to get pregnant. Given her knowledge that Bella had fought for her, and always wanted her, she’d assumed that Bella had deliberately gotten pregnant. Apparently that wasn’t true. It didn’t change anything, of course, but it was a revelation. “I don’t know that birth control would work with your body, so you should be certain before taking that risk,” Carlisle informed her.

Wait. Was he saying what she thought he was? Even after she mentioned Jennifer’s struggle.

“You think it’s possible?” she whispered.

“Honestly?”

“I wouldn’t have asked,” Mae said, sitting forward in her chair.

“No. I don’t, but theoretically, it’s possible if you’re menstruating. Given the unusual nature of it, however, your uterus might very well be incompatible for successful gestation. I can run tests to be sure,” he said, sighing and frowning as he considered all of the possibilities.

“No. There’s no need. Maybe someday, but I don’t need to worry about that yet,” Mae said. She’d learned enough for today.

“Of course,” Carlisle said understandingly, and hesitated, before finally saying, “It’s your decision. I’ll leave you two alone then.”

“Nahuel wants to see me this summer,” Mae confessed, watching Bella to judge her reaction.

“Hmm,” Bella hummed, a small smile playing on her lips.

“He mentioned… “

“Dating?” Bella suggested.

“You don’t seem at all surprised,” Mae accused, glaring mutinously.

“Are you?” Bella asked, forehead wrinkling in genuine surprise.

“A little,” Mae admitted with a soft huff, then confessed a little of why that was bothering her. “He’s never given me any indication before that he thought of me that way.”

“Maybe he was trying to be respectful, and not rush you,” Bella said, speaking in a way that made Mae suspect that she’d indulged in at least a few conversations about this topic before now.

“Or maybe he sees me as a potential incubator for his kids,” Mae snipped, far more irritable than normal.

“I don’t think that’s true,” Bella denied immediately, shaking her head quickly, and moving to kneel before Mae so she could meet her eyes, despite the way Mae had timidly dropped her chin.

“How can you be sure?” she asked, searching her mother’s face, seeking answers. Reaching out, she touched Bella’s face and used her gift to reiterate her fears.

“You’ve not really let anyone in. I was the same way before your dad, and he didn’t before me either, so you come by that trait honestly,” Bella said ruefully. 

“Great. Thanks,” Mae huffed, but smiled a bit anyways.

“Over the last two years, you’ve pushed every guy that’s tried to get close away before they’ve had a chance to get to know you. Nahuel already knows you, and I think that scares you a little bit,” Bella judged astutely. Mae couldn’t exactly argue with the assessment. Every bit of it was true. 

“You think I’m self-sabotaging?” Mae questioned, feeling a little defensive at the suggestion that she was preventing herself from obtaining everything she wanted. Was that really what she was trying to do just now? Spoiling things by assigning ulterior motives rather than risking getting hurt?

“Not intentionally,” Bella declared, but shrugged. Mae watched the reluctant half smile curl one side of her mother’s lips. “But would it be the worst thing in the world to give him a chance? You used to have such a crush on him,” she reminded Mae, urging her to go for it.

“I honestly don’t know,” Mae admitted.

“Then it’s a good thing you have some time to think about it,” Bella said, reaching up to run a tender hand over Mae’s curls.

“Yes,” Mae agreed. 

“Are you returning to campus?”

“Yes. I still have my Spanish class. Will you warn my fathers -- about this?” she asked, gesturing at her midsection, then showed Bella an image of them pretending they noticed nothing. “I really can’t handle them reacting today,” she said, feeling a pang as another cramp twisted and gripped her side.

“Of course. Neither will say a word or react in any way,” Bella vowed, pulling Mae into a loose hug, gently rubbing her back as she held her.

“Thanks, Mom,” Mae said, leaning against her more.

“Are you all right?”

“It’s… a lot to take in,” she admitted. Between the unexpected surprises, discomfort, and sudden possibilities, she was a touch overwhelmed.

“I’m here if you need me,” Bella offered.

“I love you,” Mae said.

“More than my own life,” Bella replied, repeating the promise she’d made during every life changing event that had ever occurred in Mae’s life.

~

February

“Should we give Quil Sr. a heart attack and make it look like you’re rolling out-of-control downhill?” Mae suggested. She was in the process of guiding Billy towards a nearby dock where they were meeting Charlie to spend the day fishing. The sun wasn’t fully up yet, but the elder man was already on his porch with a cup of steaming coffee that Mae could smell from the street. Hazelnut. She might despise the taste, but the smell was heavenly.

“As fun as that sounds, we best not risk it,” Billy said. The raspy words ended on a wet cough that alarmed Mae. 

“That doesn’t sound good. Have you been to the doctor?”

“It’s just a cold. All the damp air is getting to me this winter,” Billy said, brushing off her concern. 

“Maybe we should reschedule --”

It wouldn’t be the end of the world if they stayed at the house and colored with Thomas, or she took him to explore the tide pools again. Mae could still hear the faint echoes of his laughter from the day before when he’d splashed in the water and tried to poke the sea anemone. Although it was colder today, a biting chill in the wind that the boy probably shouldn’t be out in. Billy either for that matter. 

“Not on your life. I haven’t gotten any of my kids to go fishing with me since they were little and didn’t have a choice. I’m not about to pass up on an opportunity to take you out when it was your idea,” Billy said adamantly, spinning to face her on the sidewalk. 

“It’s not like we can’t go another time if you’re not feeling well,” Mae tried, amused at his insistence. She was excited to go out on the water with him too, but she’d not realized how much it meant to him. 

Usually, Mae was torn between Grandpa Charlie, Billy, and the nearly four-year-old Thomas during her visits, so there was never enough time to do everything with everyone. Even though she tried to visit one weekend every month and a whole week during the summer, she still missed being around them all the time. Nowhere else in the world felt like home the way the Olympic Peninsula did. Her friends at school thought she was crazy to skip so many campus events, but it never felt like a hardship to her. The place where her life began called to the depths of her soul, and likely always would. 

“I feel just fine, Mae,” Billy insisted, patting her hand gently, and she dropped it, not wanting him to feel like she was treating him like an invalid. Mae had the impression that a lot of people had done that to him since he took up residence in a wheelchair. “Besides, Charlie’s waiting,” he added smugly, knowing Mae wouldn’t want to disappoint her grandpa by canceling.

After six hours, they’d finally exhausted all conversation about her classes, job, projects, and friends. Seemed like Charlie had been slowly building up to his next question all afternoon.

“What’s this Bella’s telling me about you dating all these guys?” Charlie grumbled, watching his fishing line intently. Mae supposed the question was meant to come across as casual, but the barbed nature of it meant it fell a bit short.

“It’s not that many. I just haven’t found one worth settling down with,” Mae admitted, shrugging.

“Sounds to me like you’re lacking purpose,” Billy said sagely.

“I’m figuring things out,” Mae insisted. “Isn’t that the point of college?”

“I guess it’s better than sticking with the wrong guy like your mother insisted on,” Charlie agreed, a dark thundercloud crossing his face at the memory of Bella dating Edward. 

Charlie absolutely despised her father, while Jazz could do no wrong in her grandpa’s eyes. It was strange. Most humans were unquestionably dazzled by Edward’s charm while instinctively fearing Jasper, recognizing the ruthless warrior that he was, but not Charlie. Charlie only saw the man that made his baby girl laugh, and chose to love and raise his grandbaby. A loving protector rather than a dangerous seducer.

“If she hadn’t, I wouldn’t be here,” Mae pointed out, smiling kindly when the reminder made Charlie’s face turn a dangerous shade of mauve.

“There is that,” he acknowledged grudgingly. “You sure you haven’t already met the right one? Maybe you’re overlooking what’s right in front of you.”

“I’m not sure… maybe,” Mae whispered, thinking over Nahuel’s invitation again.

“Listen to your heart. Let it guide you,” Billy added, jutting out his chin and giving a single decisive nod.

“I thought fish bite more when there’s silence?” Mae remarked, making it clear they should end the conversation on that positive note.

By later that night, Billy’s cough had worsened, and Mae found herself calling Jacob, against Billy’s express wishes, to let him know.

“I can’t believe you let my dad take you fishing,” Jacob said in greeting when he answered the phone.

“Afraid he’s going to make you go out with him next time you’re home?” Mae teased, only a little surprised that he already knew how she spent her day.

“Yes,” he admitted frankly. “I hate fishing. It’s so boring.”

“It was actually kind of fun,” Mae admitted. Not the fish part, those were slimy and smelly and had super creepy eyes that stared accusingly at her for hurting them with hooks and trauma, but spending time with her family doing what they obviously loved.

“Thanks. You probably made his year,” Jacob said honestly, humor and gratitude coloring the words.

“I love him. I really didn’t mind,” Mae said truthfully. She had forever, so it was no hardship to put aside the things she enjoyed doing to spend time with people that wouldn’t be around in fifty or a hundred years. She needed to make as many memories as possible while she could.

“Sure, sure,” he said easily.

“Jake… he’s got a cough that sounds pretty bad,” Mae said tentatively, hating to be the one passing on the concerning news.

“Yeah. Rachel told me a couple weeks ago. He refused to get it checked out, so I flew up last weekend and made him see a doctor,” Jacob said, sighing deeply.

“You did?” Mae asked, startled. Pulling the phone away, she glanced at it, idly wondering if she’d misheard. 

She’d not realized they’d only missed seeing each other by a few days. Funny how that always seemed to happen. She knew it wasn’t even deliberate on either of their parts. More like fate was conspiring to keep them apart for whatever reason. So much for the theory that imprinting was fate’s will. In her experience, that had definitely not been the case.

“Yep,” Jacob confirmed with a popping P sound.

“And? What’d they say?” Mae demanded, now that she knew Billy had been to the doctor, she wanted to know how bad it was, and how worried she should be about him. Particularly since she’d taken him out on a cold, wet boat during the tail end of winter.

“That it’s just a cold, nothing to worry about. He just needs to take it easy for a bit,” Jake said, untangling the tight ball of worry that had settled in the pit of her stomach. It was insane how fragile humans were. The tiniest thing, such as a cold, could end their existence forever. Mae wasn’t ready to lose anyone else. Embry had been plenty. 

“Okay,” Mae breathed.

“Which I’m betting he’s being stubborn about, and refusing to do,” Jacob guessed, rather accurately.

“How’d you figure that out?” Mae asked dryly, earning her an exasperated sigh.

“Thanks though. It means a lot that you cared enough to let me know, and that you’re keeping an eye on him too,” Jacob said sincerely. There was none of the surprise he used to express any time he discovered she’d spent time with his family. That shock had passed years ago. Now he only sounded grateful. “I… “ he trailed off.

Mae waited, but when he didn’t say anything else, she replied, “Of course. I should be going. Charlie’s taking me to the airport soon and I still need to say bye to everyone.”

Not an hour later, Rachel appeared in the doorway to her room at Charlie and Sue’s house. She leaned against the doorway with her arms crossed, and watched as Mae half-folded two shirts before stuffing the wadded flannel clothes then into her carry-on bag.

“Nice technique there,” Rachel commented.

Mae shrugged, absently replying, “They’re dirty anyways, so not much point.”

“So I have you to thank for Jacob deciding to visit again next week?” 

The question caught Mae off guard. Jacob hadn’t mentioned coming back out. Was Rachel mad that Mae had interfered? She turned, ready to explain, then noted the happy smile Rachel was directing at her. Oh. She was relieved, not angry, that Mae had called her brother.

“I guess so. I just figured he should know. Billy’s cough sounded pretty bad by the time we called it a day,” Mae said, feeling the way her forehead wrinkled at the memory.

“Thanks for looking out for our family,” Rachel said, glancing at the pictures Charlie had hung in the guest bedroom. They were a mix of Cullens and wolves since the room served both Charlie’s and Sue’s family. Mae felt her heart flutter at the idea that perhaps Rachel had meant her words to include Mae as part of her family.

“Any time,” Mae said, attempting to sound nonchalant.

“Did you tell him for Billy’s sake, or are you just making sure you guys never visit at the same time so you don’t have to see him?”

The teasing comment reminded Mae of her own thoughts from earlier when she’d talked to Jacob. They really were like two ships passing in the night. Always, they were headed in opposite directions. Different destinations. Would that be true forever? Surely not. Forever was such a long time.

“I’m not avoiding him,” Mae said frankly, though softly.

“I really don’t get you two,” Rachel said, pushing off the door jam and stepping fully into the room. “You’re his imprint. Yet you two rarely acknowledge the other. Did something happen?”

“No,” Mae denied, shaking her head. Because it hadn’t, not really. That had once been the problem, but so much time had passed, and she’d grown so much as a person since then. It was easy to look back on that day through a different lens, and see that she’d been a teenager with a somewhat inappropriate crush on someone she shouldn’t. That’s all it’d been. “He doesn’t want me to have feelings for him,” she admitted, remembering what he’d said, and the fact that he’d since built a life with Natalie -- one, that according to Seth, was everything he never dared hope to have.

“Do you?”

“Not anymore,” Mae said, and hard as it was to face, she truly didn’t. The desire to see him, kiss him, dance in his arms for just one moment longer… she didn’t feel any of it. It felt like the desires she’d once had as a child to be a mermaid so she could spend all day playing in the ocean. Unrealistic, and a tad silly.

“Do feelings ever really go away -- once they’re there?” Rachel asked, astutely watching Mae, a knowing look on her face.

Rachel left before Mae had a chance to respond.

~

March

Mae glanced around the bar, idly drumming her fingers on the sticky counter as she waited for her date. He’d gone to the bathroom a minute earlier, but she was bored, and debating calling it an early night.

“I know you,” Mae gasped, catching sight of a vaguely familiar guy standing a couple feet away from her. “I kissed you on my birthday last year!”

“You remember me,” he asked, flushing and grinning shyly at her. He looked the exact same. Rumpled light brown hair, short, overly lean and thin on the side of gawky, eager, boyish. Except this time he was wearing a button down shirt with a nice suit vest as though he’d just gotten off work.

“Of course I do,” Mae said, laughing lightly even as his grin went impossibly wider.

“It was really your birthday?” he asked dubiously.

“It was,” she confirmed, turning on her bar stool to face him more fully.

“Huh,” he said, jaw dropping slightly in shock. He adjusted his glasses, shaking his head a bit while a surprised laugh escaped.

“I always wondered… why did you walk off -- afterwards?” Mae asked, curious to see if he remembered. It had been so unexpected. And by now she’d gotten very good at predicting guys’ actions. But that had been one instance she’d never been able to explain satisfactorily.

“Have you seen yourself?” he asked pointedly.

“A few times. Why?” she said dryly, enjoying his forthrightness.

“I sort of wanted to keep it this perfect untarnished moment -- before you found out how boring I am, and how unsuitable we’d be together,” he admitted frankly, running a hand through his messy hair, and making part of it stand up crazily as he half shrugged.

“What makes you so sure that’s how it’d end?” Mae asked, appreciating his dual sides, romantic and pragmatic. Based on appearances, he was not who anyone would likely pair her with, but the adorably puppy dog aspect to him drew her in for some reason.

He sucked in a startled breath as he assessed her, his brow furrowing. Then he dared to ask, “Are you suggesting this is our second chance?”

“Yeah,” Mae said slowly, confirming, “I am.”

“Do you think your boyfriend would agree?” he asked, nodding to the bathroom where Javon had just exited and was painstakingly making his way back over, weaving through the crowded room.

“Let’s not wait to find out -- and he’s not my boyfriend,” Mae said, grabbing his hand and tugging him towards the exit.

~

Asher, as Mae learned her mystery man was named, was telling her about what one of his students had done the day before as they walked around the art show exhibit. They’d gone to an all night diner after leaving the bar the weekend before, and gotten to know each other a little bit. It turned out he wasn’t quite as young as he looked. He was a senior completing his student teaching this semester at the local high school where he was teaching geometry and statistics. He’d come home each afternoon with several stories about his kids' antics that he’d called and told her about, making her laugh and occasionally groan. He was extremely funny, and great at telling stories, so Mae could imagine he was a hit in the classroom -- you’d have to be to make math exciting. 

The night before, she’d invited him to accompany her to the art show their college was hosting. A second date. Wow. A first for her. He had potential. More than the others.

They’d had lunch before heading over, and she’d admitted one of her photographs had been selected for the exhibit. She’d not told any of her friends or family, worried they’d make it a big deal, insist on coming out to see, and end up disappointed when it didn’t measure up to the other people’s pieces. Nerves over strangers’ reactions were eating away at her. Somehow, she didn’t feel as self-conscious admitting it to Asher though. He was really supportive and encouraging when she’d shyly told him about it. 

“Are you ever going to point out which one you took?” he finally asked when she’d deliberately steered him away from the corner she knew it was hung in for the fourth time.

“Not yet,” she hedged.

“Is art what you’re majoring in? You dodged the question last time I asked,” he said, prodding her to open up more. “You’re actually really good at redirecting a conversation away from yourself.” It was a skill she’d honed to avoid sharing details she shouldn’t or being forced to outright lie to someone.

Mae sighed, then tentatively said, “Design and Applied Arts with a minor in marketing.”

“What are you going to do with that?”

“I want to make commercials and design marketing campaigns. Maybe for small companies to help launch them since I don’t really want to do it for the money. You can tell a story with a single picture or short video, and I just want to be able to do that. I’ve always loved art -- it’s my hobby. My passion. I’ve been doing it since I was little, and I want to move people to feel what I feel with something so simple,” she said, feeling herself become more animated as she spoke, her hand gestures getting bigger and faster. “I’m not even sure if that makes any sense, but there you go. I just talked to my counselor about it a few weeks ago to make sure I have time to take all of the right classes.”

“I get it. That’s how I feel about working with kids. I want to work in a big city after I graduate, and start tutoring high risk students that are in danger of dropping out or slipping through the cracks.”

“You do?”

“Well that doubt was real encouraging,” he said, laughing at her. “I’m not the most intimidating, and some kids find it easier to talk to me because I’m more approachable, so I get to help them.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I think it’s admirable.”

“Thanks. So this picture… am I ever going to get to see it?”

“Fine,” she agreed, knowing she’d stalled long enough.

It came into sight as they approached it, and she was taken back to the memory of that night. She’d been in La Push. All of her best ones were from there. As if the camera and her subjects sensed her love of the place and willed it to show through in the resulting image. Billy was facing the camera head on in front of a campfire, sparks dancing in the air, but he seemed to be looking through her with his wise, dark eyes. He’d been telling tales of their history to Thomas. The little boy sat at his feet, staring up at his grandfather both riveted and awe-struck. Paul was off to the side, his face turned in profile, as though staring into the past and watching it all unfold.

Mae had been hesitant to share the photo. It seemed almost private. But her professor had noticed it among all of her others and requested to include it in the show. Billy had been thrilled, encouraging her to go for and promising not to tell anyone about it. 

“Who are they?” Asher asked quietly after a couple minutes of taking the image in.

“Part of my family,” she said, smiling as she watched him continue to study the picture. 

“Family?” he asked dubiously, turning to look over her porcelain skin and red hair. No doubt finding absolutely no resemblance to the Native Americans in the photograph.

“The family of my… Well, his family, but we’re close,” Mae said, stumbling through the explanation.

“Ahh,” he said, the sound conveying more meaning than she could interpret. “It’s remarkable. I don’t know anything about photography, but I do see how easy it would be to watch this one for a while, finding new facets all the while.”

“Thank you,” Mae whispered, leaning over to kiss him. He was exactly her height, possibly a little shorter even.

His lips were soft, pliant. He was so sweet and funny. Yet she felt nothing. Mae pressed closer against him, searching for an elusive spark, running her tongue along the seam of his lips. They parted immediately, allowing his tongue to gently touch hers. Still nothing.

Frustrated, she broke off with a sigh, “Ugh.”

“I can tell you really want to like me,” Asher said kindly, though noticeably disappointed.

“But?” she asked, already knowing he’d detected her dilemma. 

“I’m glad we got a second chance. You’re even more than the dream girl I imagined you to be,” Asher said, smiling sadly.

“I’m sorry,” Mae said, sighing again and closing her eyes. This was not how she wanted this to go.

It was time to face facts. She just wasn’t going to be happy with a human. Hiding the truth, tempering her strength, forcing a connection with someone not from the supernatural world -- none of it was enough for her. Never would be. Perhaps it was time she revisited Nahuel’s offer, and give it some serious consideration.

“Don’t be. You’ll always be the one that got away,” he vowed a little shyly.

“I doubt that,” she stated, figuring he’d meet a nice girl also into helping people and settle down, utterly content, and forget all about her.

~

April

Mae was sprawled across Alice’s bed, staring at the ceiling. Her aunts were planning a trip to Milan for the summer. Discussing clothes or shoes or something else frivolous that she wasn’t paying attention to. A silky top landed on her stomach unexpectedly, and Mae’s fingers curled around it, absently bunching the fabric within her fists.

“I'm not sure what to do!” Mae groaned, the frustrated words bursting free all of a sudden, refusing to remain locked within her another moment.

Alice’s hand swatted her’s, silently instructing her to release her death grip before it permanently ruined the fabric. Her aunts settled in on either side of her.

“What do you want to do?” Rosalie asked, reaching to stroke a hand through Mae’s tangled curls, smoothing the hair away from her face.

Mae turned her head to meet Rose’s inquiring eyes, and admitted, “Honestly? Everything.” She wanted to explore herself. She wanted to visit Nahuel and figure out for herself if there was something there. She wanted more than kissing random guys. She wanted to fall truly, deeply in love.

“Then do it,” Rose said firmly.

“Have you met my fathers?” Mae asked dryly, letting her head roll back to stare at the swirling pattern on the ceiling.

“They'll get over it. And if they don't, well… then they’ll have to deal with Bella,” Alice said lightly, almost gleeful at the prospect of her mom giving the Cullen men hell.

“She wasn't exactly adventurous herself -- at least from the stories I’ve heard. I'm not sure she'd understand,” Mae said, frowning in annoyance. Why couldn’t her mom have been just a little bit wild? Then Mae’s desires and intentions wouldn’t seem so extreme in comparison.

“She jumped off cliffs, rode motorcycles, had sex with a vampire while human,” Rose muttered snarkily, smirking as she added, “How much more adventurous do you want?”

Alice sputtered, then fell to the side rolling around laughing beside Mae. 

“Yeah, but she's only kissed a total of three guys -- ever,” Mae insisted.

“You are not your mother. Or even either of your fathers -- though in this you're probably more like Jasper. I'm betting he got around when he was human,” Rosalie remarked, tilting her head as though contemplating the idea for the first time.

“He was a gentleman. Thank you very much,” Alice said defensively, sitting up, and smirking like she knew a secret that she had no intention of sharing.

“So you say,” Rosalie quipped, not fooled in the least by Alice’s claim of supposed innocence.

“Your parents want you to be happy -- all three of them. They'll understand if you make choices different from those they made with their own lives,” Alice said, returning to the subject at hand. Mae believed her, but somehow, it felt like letting them down if she did anything without knowing she was in love first.

At this point, there was only one way to find out for sure. 

“Nahuel? About this summer… does the first week in June work for you?” Mae asked later that night when he answered her call on the fourth ring. She’d been about to hang up and chicken out. 

“I’ll look forward to our reunion everyday, counting down the moments until I can see you again,” he said. The deep sound of his voice was a thick caress, velvet or fur against her skin. If any other had said such words, Mae would have laughed, and assumed it was a cheesy pickup line. Somehow Nahuel managed to infuse it with an unmistakable depth of sincerity.

“Umm, yeah… me too,” she said shyly, her heart racing in her throat.

“Until then,” he promised, “my Renesmee.”

Mae swallowed, wondering what she’d just agreed to, and what exactly she was in store for this summer.

~

May

“I’m going to spend the summer with Nahuel,” Mae announced. She’d put off saying anything or even thinking about it before now. Knowing Edward would have a lot to say about her decision. She’d waited until almost the last minute just so she wouldn’t have to endure his protests for long.

“Excuse me?” Edward said, right on cue.

“I’m leaving in a couple days,” Mae added, meeting his eyes, and letting him hear the steely determination in her thoughts.

“How long have you been planning this?” he demanded, glancing at Bella and Jasper. Jasper, at least, looked a bit startled as well. For once, he was caught off guard as well. Bella must not have shared when Mae told her about Nahuel’s invitation. Of course, it hadn’t seemed likely that she’d accept at the time.

“A while now,” Mae said. Well, she’d accepted three weeks ago, but the invite was extended a few months prior to that. “Since I stopped dating. I already bought the plane ticket, and made arrangements with him,” Mae added. Though to be fair, she’d only stopped dating humans about two months ago, so that wasn’t saying much as far as giving indicators went.

“Finally get tired of humans?” Emmett asked, moving to lean against the open doorway leading into the family room.

“Honestly, yes. We’re too different, and I’m ready for something lasting,” Mae said, determined to give Nahuel a real chance. She’d recognized the truth in Bella’s assessment, and didn’t want to continue making that mistake. “I’ve had fun, but I want more,” she admitted, glancing around at her assembled family.

“You’re sure he’s who you want?” Em asked, earning a chastising look from Jasper.

“He wants me, and I’ve always had a crush on him. I owe it to both of us to try,” Mae said frankly. If she was serious about this, then she should be able to discuss it like an adult, and not blush or stammer under their scrutiny.

“You’re too young to be making decisions like this,” Edward tried, though the protest sounded weak to her own ears, and his mutinous scowl seemed to reflect his resignation already.

“I’ve stopped aging. Grandpa confirmed it months ago,” Mae pointed out, making it clear without words that she was an adult now, and her life was hers to life the way she wanted to.

“You know we all just want you to be happy,” Esme inserted, going over to wrap a maternal arm around Edward.

“Edward,” Bella warned, shaking her head slightly to prevent him from saying more. “If you really think he’ll make you happy, then we should visit and let you spend more time with him,” Bella suggested, throwing Mae. She realized when they talked a few months ago, she had not specified that Nahuel wanted to spend time with just her. And she wanted the same.

“I need to go alone. I’ll be too self-conscious given their gifts,” she admitted, waving between Edward and Jasper. “And it’s not very romantic to have my mom along babysitting.”

Mae looked around, seeing all of her family was on board. With one exception. Seth frowned at her, shaking his head and leaving the room altogether. What the hell?

“Will you call? Everyday,” Jasper requested, refraining from offering any other sort of opinion.

“Of course! It’s only for a few weeks -- a month at most. I really want to give us a chance away from expectations and intrusions.”

“Will you let me show you a few things as well?” Jazz added, looking her over assessingly.

“Self-defense?” Mae guessed. “You really think I’ll need it?”

“No, or I wouldn’t let you go alone -- sorry, Poppet, but it never hurts to be prepared for the unexpected,” Jasper said sadly, and not the least bit apologetic. 

She had no doubt that if he thought Nahuel was dangerous, he’d refuse to let her go, and take measures to prevent her leaving regardless. Her safety was worth risking her displeasure with him -- even if it lasted decades. They were immortal, he’d have time to earn her forgiveness if he ever tried something like that.

Not even three hours later, Mae’s phone rang. 

Mechanically, she answered, “Jacob?” Shock made her voice a tad robotic.

“Seth said you’re going to spend the summer with Nahuel,” Jacob breathed, voice huskier than normal, thick with emotion.

Wow, um, okay... News travels fast. But why was he calling?

“Yes,” Mae said softly.

“Is he really what you want?” Jacob asked quietly, the words sounding torn reluctantly from him.

Why? Why would he sound so… devastated? Why would he be asking her that? Unless...

“Do you not think I should?” she asked, hardly daring to believe they were actually having this conversation.

Silence. For minutes. For a lifetime. The time for an opportunity to come and go forever. Only silence greeted her question.

Mentally, she begged for him to ask her not to go to Nahuel. She’d opened herself up to him before, and been rejected. It was his turn. If she was truly reading him correctly, she needed him to say it. To say he was the one for her -- not Nahuel. He needed to be the one to initiate this. She needed him to make the first move this time.

Feelings she thought were long dead came rushing to the surface. Undeniable. Insistent. She was shocked by the desire she felt for the wolf that had taken a different path than the one fate decided for him then refused to see her the way she’d wished him to when they last reunited. It had been almost three years since he broke her heart, yet it felt like only a heartbeat had passed.

Still nothing.

“Say something,” she whispered. Internally pleading, anything.

“I… I want you to be happy, and have everything you desire,” he said, a ragged, raspy voice. “Everything.”

She waited, but he didn’t say anything more. Didn’t clarify. Didn’t express any interest on his part.

Either she was wrong, or...

Coward. Jacob Black was a fucking coward, and she was done hoping he’d ever love her the way she secretly longed for his to. In that moment, she gave up on him. Truly, irretrievably gave up on him.

“Then I guess it’s a good thing I’m going to see Nahuel. Tell Natalie I said hi. Goodbye, Jacob,” she said. When she hung up, it felt like she was closing the door to a chapter in her life that she had unconsciously been clinging to. Clenching it so hard that she’d not noticed that it was a lead weight holding her back and dragging her down.

With that goodbye, she believed that she’d finally given up on the idea of a future with Jacob Black.


	12. 12: Reality, or why the future doesn't quite hold up - Jacob

Author’s Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think! 

Jake and Natalie's theme song is I Was Wrong by Sleeperstar, and his and Mae's theme song is Let Her Go by Passenger.

PS I’m not Stephenie Meyer, so I don’t own anything :(

~

Ch 12: Reality, or why the future doesn’t quite hold up - Jacob

Year 6 - 2011-2012

July

It was only a little after five in the morning. Leah and Jacob were on their way to the beach where one of the guys Jacob routinely surfed with held morning yoga classes. The lesson began before the sun was fully up for the day, and concluded shortly after it peaked over the horizon. Donny, the beach bum moonlighting as a yoga instructor, claimed it was the only way to start the day off right.

It didn’t hurt that Jacob would be able to help Leah with this, and still be on time to work each day. A win, win in his book.

“You really think sitting and breathing is the best use of our time? I’m twenty-five. I know how to fucking breathe,” Leah griped. 

She’d been grouchy for days. They’d gone camping the weekend before last -- he’d needed some space after his fight with Natalie over potentially moving one day. He and Leah had tried hiking, hoping a little physical exertion and the serenity of nature would help her relax, but she’d picked a fight that ended up with her losing her shit and exploding into a furry grey beast.

It was actually sort of fascinating. Though, he supposed, not from Leah’s perspective. Leah’s temper had been even and under control for years now. Not once since before Nessie was born had she unwillingly phased. Yet now, when she was trying to quit, she couldn’t go more than a week or two without the change seemingly forced upon her.

“Breathe in, breath out. What fucking bull shit,” she continued to grumble.

Leah might be able to breathe, but she didn’t seem to know how to relax. She’d become tenser with each passing day. Almost like her body knew what she was attempting and was determined to resist it. Must be genetics and some sort of survival of the fittest thing going on.

“You’re in a good mood today,” Jacob remarked dryly, unable to refrain from commenting. Natalie had put him off every time he tried to bring up their conversation at the restaurant, deliberately changing the subject and pretending that nothing had changed.

While Jacob felt like everything had changed, and he doubted they could ever go back.

“Go fuck yourself,” Leah sneered. Perfect. She was in rare bitch mode today. It was too early for this, and he’d yet to have any morning coffee.

He was about to reply, when he saw it. The underlying fear that this wouldn’t work. It reminded Jacob of how much she needed him right now. Another second passed, before he figured he could try a little humor. Straightforward hadn’t worked, and as the camping trip proved, instructing her to stay calm and relax had the complete opposite effect. 

“Why would I do that when I can fuck Nat instead?” he joked, watching her closely to see the impact his words had on the hair trigger she was riding.

“Yet another reason I’m wound so tight,” she groaned, burying her face in her hands.

Huh. He’d not considered that. Sex was good for stress relief, and Leah was in the market for a rebound after Edward.

For half a second, he debated asking about Edward, but the goal was to destress, not make it worse. And the joke did at least get her to focus on something besides the fact that her body was betraying her. 

Another second passed, as he considered and hesitated before making a suggestion. He figured she’d bite his head off for putting it where it didn’t belong, but he’d promised to help her through this, and he might actually have a solution to this problem at least.

“Aiden’s more than willing if you need it,” he said quietly. His friend was still determined to get Leah to give him a chance. Plus he already knew her secret, so she wouldn’t have to lie or worry about being secretive -- one less thing to stress over.

“Tell me you’re not seriously pimping me out to your friend,” Leah hissed darkly.

“No! It’s more the other way around. You know he’s attracted to you,” Jake reminded her. Aiden had been asking her out every few days since she moved there. “But more, he knows what you are, and understands the situation. He could help, and he wouldn’t expect anything from you,” Jake added, making it clear Aiden was game for a no strings attached fling if that was what Leah wanted.

She shot him a furious glare. Slowly, it morphed into a pained grimace.

“If it gets any worse, I’ll think about it,” she conceded, not the least bit gracefully, but at least she was willing to consider a few options to help manage the situation.

Yoga was… interesting. Jacob actually managed to make Leah laugh a few times. He wasn’t really good at moving his body the way Donny demonstrated he should be contorting it. The first time he’d tipped over Leah had released a derisive snort. By the third time, she’d let loose a genuine laugh. It was the first time since she’d moved there that he’d heard the sound.

“Is it any better?” Jacob asked afterwards, watching as Leah seemed to take stock and mental inventory of her body.

“Yes,” Leah admitted, sounding nearly stunned as she ran her hands over her arms. “This is the first time in days that it hasn’t felt like pins and needles were constantly pricking my skin or like I was being electrocuted,” she relayed.

“And you didn’t want to come,” Jacob said smugly.

“Don’t gloat, Jake. It’s so unattractive, and I’d hate to have to kick your ass and ruin all that was just accomplished,” she said with a dirty look.

~

October

The week before fall break they had a guest staying with them. Talk about bad timing. The last thing they needed was someone stirring things up when they were finally moving past their rough patch.

Jacob didn’t particularly like Nat’s sister, Madeline -- Mad. Her nickname was just too fitting for him not to laugh at. Mad was always mad about something. Cranky, opinionated, exacting, high-strung, control-freak. All of that came to mind when he thought of Nat’s older sister. The same older sister that Jacob had repeatedly heard tell Nat that she could do better -- and that was before she’d even met him.

Mad had visited three times in the last couple years, and Jacob was sorry to say, but that was three times too many. Nat hated that he wouldn’t try harder with her sister, but Jacob didn’t see the point. Her mind was made up from the moment she heard he worked as a mechanic when Nat first met him. He wasn’t going to pretend to be something he wasn’t just to make her not turn her nose up. And besides, she lived half a world away. Plus, it wasn’t like Billy had ever come around to liking her. That’s just how families were sometimes.

The first couple days weren’t bad. Not fun, but her usual animosity was set to simmering instead of boiling. It was on Thursday, three days before she was scheduled to return home, when he stopped in to change for work after yoga, that things came to a head.

“You’re hiding something,” she accused, standing in the doorway to the bathroom with her arms crossed, blocking his way.

“I’m really not,” Jacob said dryly, in no mood to deal with her and risk being late to work because she was determined to pick a fight.

“I don’t believe you,” she said, shifting into his path when he went to move around her.

“Okay,” he said, giving her a look that said both that he thought she was crazy, and that he could care less what she had to say.

“Do you even care that you’re hurting my sister? She followed you a few days ago just to see if you really are doing yoga,” Mad announced, stunning Jacob so much he actually retreated a step back into the bathroom, his back hitting the edge of the porcelain sink. “That’s why I came -- to check on her when I heard she thought you and Leah were carrying on behind her back, and to give you a piece of my mind.”

“She followed me?” he asked, incredulous. The idea of her doing that… he didn’t really know how to process the information. His stomach turned just thinking about it. 

Jacob had never given her any reason to doubt him. Never cheated or spent time with girls, aside from Leah, without Nat present, and she knew Leah was like a sister. Never carried on texts or secretive phone conversations -- not even with Nessie. But despite that, she’d become increasingly jealous over the last year. It didn’t make any sense. Nearly every fight they had could be traced back, and found to be rooted in jealousy. Soul rotting, vine strangling, jealousy. 

It had altered Natalie so much that there was no denying the fact that they were growing apart, and Jacob was slowly falling out of love with her. He still loved her, but he didn’t know for certain that he was still in love with her -- an important distinction. The reasons they’d worked so well in the beginning no longer seemed to hold true. They’d both changed so much. 

“That’s how paranoid you’ve made her by spending all of your time with this other woman that you’ve brought into her home,” Mad continued, acting as if they hadn’t had problems beforehand, or that Natalie hadn’t been on board before Jacob invited Leah to stay in his apartment. Leah was still in the process of saving up for her own place. San Diego was an expensive place to live, and she didn’t make much.

“She knows it’s not like that between Leah and me,” Jacob denied, crossing his arms to hide the way his hands were shaking at the accusation. He wished he was dressed for this confrontation. Wearing nothing but a towel left him at a distinct disadvantage, and he longed for armor in the form of pants and a shirt.

“Then why did your little friend call her and mention something about it?” Mad demanded.

“Little friend?” Jacob echoed, clueless.

“The special one,” Mad said meaningfully, with wide eyes and a head tilt full of attitude.

“Alice?” Jacob guessed, stunned. “Alice called Natalie? But why? No, she wouldn’t,” he said, floundering to follow the conversation.

It didn’t make any sense. There were so many times that Jacob had seen evidence that Alice didn’t ordinarily meddle. Like when Emmett failed to get the correct anniversary gift for Rosalie. Or when Carlisle canceled on Esme, ruining the special plans she’d made so that he voluntarily be on call at the hospital instead. So many times when just a few words would make things smoother, or save a family member an unintentional hurt. Except she didn’t. The only time she ever did was at Edward’s behest or if someone’s safety was jeopardized. The rest of the time she let everyone live their own lives. Let them make mistakes they could learn from naturally. Let them be themselves rather than her puppets. 

So why would she treat him like a puppet? Why was she manipulating and actively attempting to destroy his relationship? What did she know that he didn’t? How many times had Alice called? Was that the real reason Natalie was acting so jealous?

“Are you saying she lied? What reason would she have to do that?” Madeline asked doubtfully. Her entire demeanor screamed that she considered him lowlife trash unworthy of her sister.

Jacob hardly noticed, too caught up in what game Alice was playing. “I… “

“Exactly. She wouldn’t,” Mad said smugly, looking supremely satisfied. “So why are you hurting my sister?”

Jacob surveyed Madeline, a trickle of doubt surfacing as he took in her slight smile. Natalie never had a problem standing up for herself, and she’d always been straightforward with him. Mad was a different story. He wouldn’t put it past her to make that story up just to cause more problems than they already had -- anything to break them up. Which would really suck now that things were finally getting good again between him and Nat.

“I really don’t think this is any of your business. If Nat has a problem, she knows she can talk to me,” he said, stepping into her personal space and glaring at her until she moved aside and allowed him to pass.

“I can’t wait for her to wake up and realize you’re all wrong for her,” Mad called as Jacob slammed the door to his bedroom in her face. “You’ll never be good enough!” she shouted from the hall.

He couldn’t wait for the meddlesome, bitchy woman to leave.

~

October

The week after Madeline left, Jacob tried to talk to Natalie. He needed to know if she really had followed him or believed he was cheating on her with Leah of all people. If it was true, well… he didn’t know, but they needed to discuss what led to that and figure out if their relationship was worth salvaging at this point.

“Can we talk?” he asked, after dinner that night. Leah was out at the moment, so it seemed like the perfect opportunity given the privacy her absence afforded.

“You found out, didn’t you?” she said at once, deflating. “I knew I should have come back home to get my agenda yesterday,” she grumbled.

“Uh,” he tried, not following her train of thought. What did her agenda have to do with not trusting him?

“Please don’t tell me you can’t that weekend. I’ve been planning this for weeks, and... “ she began quickly while pulling her hair up into a messy bun with slinky curls sticking out everywhere. As she tied a band around the mass, she caught the wavering confusion no doubt contorting his face, and trailed off. “And you don’t know what I’m talking about. Which means I’m the one spoiling the surprise,” she surmised, frowning.

“What surprise?”

“A weekend getaway. Fly up to San Francisco. Go to a haunted house, since I know you love them so much, then head to a little bed and breakfast for the rest of the weekend -- no parties or events, just us.”

Last year, Natalie had refused, point blank, to go to the haunted house with Aiden and Jake. Adrenaline and fear were not her thing. She was incapable of finding humor in how ridiculous and cheesy most of it came across looking. But this year she was willing to try -- for him. He was touched by the sacrifice on her part and the thoughtfulness of the gesture.

“That sounds really romantic,” Jacob said, recognizing what a concession it was on her part to devote an entire weekend to doing things he enjoyed instead of dragging him along to her stuff. She’d done it several times that first year they were together, but over time, it happened less and less often.

“It’s why Mad was here. I asked for her help planning this since I knew Aiden would tell you if I asked for his help. I know I’ve been difficult lately. I thought this would be a good way to apologize, and get back to basics between us,” Natalie said hopefully, reaching over to place a hand on his cheek. Her skin was always so cool. He shivered at the contact. “You always do so much for me, and I wanted to do something for you for a change to show you how much I appreciate all of your support.”

“Apologize for what?” Jacob questioned, wondering if it had to do with what Mad told him.

“Jake, I love you so much. I can’t imagine losing you,” she began, pausing to swallow. Her eyes danced over his, drinking his expression in. “But sometimes it feels like there’s this whole other side of you that you’re willing to share with Leah, and not me. It hurt, and I got jealous, and it’s made me act like the worst version of myself -- bitchy and whiny. Then it was even worse after Alice called to tell me about Billy asking Mae to come stay with him since I know he’d never want to spend time with me like that. 

“I know I should have just talked to you. Explained how I was feeling… but I guess I was scared. Terrified really, that I was right and you don’t want me anymore, and that bringing it up would mean driving you away. I didn’t mean to be so insecure. We’re committed to each other. I should have had more faith in you. I owe it to you. And it’s not your fault that your family wishes you were with someone else,” she added the last almost as an afterthought. So it wasn’t Alice, it was Billy that was really the problem. He’d have to talk to his dad again. It was time for Billy to let up on Nat.

“The more I thought about it though,” Nat continued, “the more it’s starting to make sense. It’s not that you’re sharing with her instead of me. It’s that you’re being a good friend and supporting her through a difficult time. The fact that you’re so selfless, just makes me love you more.”

Not a word about following him. Maybe she really hadn’t. Or she had, but what did it matter? After hearing her mention the side he kept hidden from her, well… he didn’t have any room to get mad. She was right. It was his fault she’d felt insecure in the first place. Because he’d never shared his secrets.

“Natalie… “ Jake said softly, privately wondering if this was the moment. The where where he either told her, and it cemented their future together if she handled it well. Eventually, he’d quit phasing and they’d grow old together. Or the one where they ended things because their foundation of trust wasn’t as solid as it should have been. A house built on an eroding beach, destined to fall prey to the insistent waves.

Hesitation froze his lips partially open.

He was months away from finishing his Master’s degree. He’d put so much work into earning it. If she didn’t handle the news well, he’d have to drop everything and move the same way the Cullens did. He’d have to start all over from scratch.

That wasn’t a risk he could take. Not now. Not yet.

“And now that I’ve just poured my heart out to you, you don’t know where to start,” Natalie said, leaning over to bury her face against his chest. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.

“Not really, no,” he admitted.

“Let’s start with next weekend. Will you let me take you away? Show you all the reasons I love you, and why we’re perfect for each other. Show you how sorry I am to have doubted you, and that I have every intention of making sure you know I love you for the rest of your life,” Natalie murmured, tilting her head to kiss his neck, even as her fingers sought out the waistband of his pants.

“Yes. That sounds perfect,” he said, groaning when her hand wrapped around him, firmly stroking his length.

“Yeah? You forgive me then?” she asked, leaning back and revealing her knowing smirk.

“There’s nothing to forgive,” he said, knowing he was equally to blame for where they stood.

~

November

Yoga seemed to do the trick for Leah. The only problem was that peace and relief that occurred post workout didn’t last for more than a couple of days. After that first time Leah had cornered Jacob in the kitchen about three days later, anxious over the rapid return of tension, fearing the abrupt coiling of muscles and stinging skin. They’d gone back for another session the very next morning. Since then, they’d developed a routine of going every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, with the occasional Monday or Wednesday thrown in there for good measure when her skin started itching uncomfortably. The frequency of their sessions made it easier for him to understand how Nat might have gotten the wrong impressions before. 

The fact that out-of-control feeling still happened to Leah fairly regularly, meant the process of quitting was probably one that took several years to fully take hold. There were no signs as of yet that Leah’s body was willing to let her stop.

Today was the eight week mark for Leah. Two whole months without phasing. Considering she’d started trying to quit nearly a year ago now, this was a pretty big accomplishment. There were a couple times that she’d accidentally shifted, even after they started doing yoga, but she seemed to have a handle on it now.

They were on their way to breakfast, having just finished their morning session, and since it was Saturday, Jacob didn’t have to rush off to work or class. He’d be glad to graduate this coming spring. One less commitment to keep and one less demand on his time.

“Something is different about you today,” Jacob said, suddenly realizing Leah was smiling. And that she’d been smiling all morning, with genuine happiness even.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Leah dismissed, but the tips of her mouth stubbornly refused to turn down.

“No, really. You --” Jacob began, but broke off when Leah flushed a deep scarlet, ducking her head. Instantly he knew what the difference was. She’d taken care of her sexual frustration. A continual source of tension that had made this transition that much harder for her.

“Look, Jake, it was a good suggestion. Don’t make a big thing of it,” Leah said, keeping her eyes averted, but her smile had returned in full force at the mere mention of what she’d gotten up to. 

Jacob’s slow brain caught up to what she was suggesting. Aiden. She’d gone to Aiden. Made sense. He’d been persistently asking her out for about five months now. Leah wasn’t hung up on Edward anymore, having processed the end of their relationship before even moving to California, and came to terms with what had been inevitable from the start given her desires. He’d suspected that engaging in the physical act probably would help her keep a tighter leash on her temper. It was the reason he’d suggested it before.

“So it was just sex?”

“Yep,” she said, her blush deepening, and offering evidence to the contrary.

“You didn’t break him did you?” Jacob asked, suddenly concerned for Aiden’s well-being. Leah was still significantly stronger.

“Ha. Ha. Very funny,” Leah said tonelessly, pinning him with a medusa stare.

They’d just ordered from a little cafe that boasted enormous omelettes and delicious fresh fruit smoothies, and Jacob was hearing about Leah’s new job when his phone rang.

“Hey, Babe, where are you?” Nat asked when he answered. 

The rosy glow that had surrounded their relationship in its infancy had rekindled, burning brighter than ever lately. The Halloween trip did wonders to repair things. Jacob was glad he’d never opened up about the fights they’d had to any of his friends, and that he’d successfully kept it from his thoughts. Jacob would rather not deal with outsider influences, particularly since it had resolved itself. Yoga was improving his mental strength as well as Leah’s. It was easier letting go of his doubts when he didn’t have others weighing in and voicing their opinions.

Even Leah was largely oblivious to their issues, and she lived with them. Natalie was good at keeping up a ruse that completely masked her feelings when she wanted to.

“Leah and I stopped to get some food after yoga,” he said lightly, taking a sip of the strawberry banana smoothie the server placed on his table.

“Oh,” Nat said, the single soft sound strained, instantly alerting Jacob that something was wrong.

“What is it?” he asked.

“I made breakfast. I was going to surprise you since you’ve been spending so much time with Leah lately. I made enough for her too,” Nat admitted, and he could picture her staring at the mess she’d made of the kitchen, and all the effort being for nothing.

“Shit, Nat. I’m sorry. I should have called,” he apologized, appreciating her effort. 

She’d never made breakfast for him. While she could cook, it wasn’t something she did often. Especially not after they moved in together. Her mom had raised her to stay out of the kitchen, insisting it would only lead to getting trapped in the gender roles of the past. Natalie’s place was out in the world pursuing her career -- not being a housewife. Learning that, made Jacob see the challenges they’d faced after first moving in together in a whole new light. 

“Why don’t you come join us?” he suggested. He’d made the offer before, but she always refused, insisting this was his time with his friend, and she didn’t want to intrude. After inviting her for over a month and having her decline every time, he’d given up trying. But maybe things would be different since their trip.

“It’s fine. You’re… “

“You’re mad, aren’t you,” Jake stated after she trailed off.

“Not mad. Not really. I just miss you. You spend every free moment with her lately, and you’re already stretched thin between work and grad school. It’s just disappointing,” Nat admitted. She wasn’t wrong either. Instantly, Jacob knew he needed to make up for this.

“How about I take you out to dinner tonight -- just the two of us. We can --”

“I have to work tonight. You forgot, didn’t you? You said you’d come to Z’s opening,” she said, and Jacob heard pots banging and clattering as she probably tossed them into the sink.

“Right, yeah. I remember,” Jake said quickly, not fooling anyone. “But I’m talking before that. We could go out to eat first,” he added quickly, coming up with the plan on the spot.

“I have some work I need to do at the office. We can try to go out if I get done in time,” Nat said, taking a slow, audible breath.

“Natalie,” Jake started.

“I’ll come meet you guys -- if you’re sure you don’t mind,” Nat said haltingly, the concession really a question.

“No! Not at all. That’d be great,” Jacob insisted quickly, excited by the new turn. He rattled off their location and glanced over to find Leah staring at him. Her every thought was written across her face.

“I want to go grab some flowers, and have them by the time she gets here,” Jacob said, nodding towards a convenience shop down the road. Leah opened her mouth to share her unwelcome thoughts, but Jacob forestalled her, commanding, “Don’t.”

But of course Leah ignored him, saying, “If you’re this serious about being with her, just tell her the truth.”

“I don’t think it’d be a good idea given her career,” Jacob hedged. All the reasons he’d ever come up with for not telling her still held true, but that was the easiest one.

“You’ve been with her going on three years. If you don’t trust her, you should end things now.” Leah said seriously. If she only knew he’d already tried, and somehow here he was almost half a year later, grateful it hadn’t actually happened.

“I trust her, but if I stop phasing, what’s the point of telling her, and risking it?” After their trip, the idea seemed to have more merit. It was a future he could picture again. The two of them growing old together.

Things were subtly different after that weekend they took. It reminded him that for a long time, Natalie was the only one he thought of. And he did have feelings for her. Strong ones. Ones that could sustain him for the rest of his life if he let them consume him as they wanted to.

“You’re planning to stop phasing?” Leah demanded, her jaw going slack as she stared at him almost… horrified by the idea.

“I don’t want to watch her grow old and die while I’m perpetually twenty-five,” Jacob said. 

Of course, this was assuming she really did come around and was willing to move to Washington with him as she’d said she would. He could take over for a decade or so, then step down when someone else was ready to step up, or once the other wolves stopped phasing as well. Seth would be fine on his own, and might someday be in a position where he could lead future generations since he intended to phase for the rest of forever.

“What about the pack? The tribe? I thought you were hoping to go back,” Leah said, revealing so much more than she realized with that comment. 

“Aiden told you? So much for just sex,” Jacob accussed, turning the tables on her. Aiden was the only person he’d discussed that with, having needed an unbiased opinion and person to bounce ideas off of. Well, aside from a call to Sam to make the suggestion months ago. And Jake knew Leah hadn’t been in contact with him.

“After everything you did to make sure Mae would be around forever… and now… now you’re planning on dying. Have you told her yet?” Leah demanded.

Honestly, he couldn’t even remember the last time they spoke. He’d not called on her birthday this year, just sent a note with his gift instead since she’d stopped taking his calls after Quil’s wedding. When had she last called? Oh wait, that’s right, it was that night last winter when she’d called in the middle of the night. They were fast approaching the one year mark.

“I’m not making any decisions right now,” he said, voice thick at the idea of never being a part of her life again. But if he wasn’t, why would he want to keep phasing?

“You owe her at least the opportunity to weigh in,” Leah stated flatly when Jacob stood to go grab flowers.

~

December

“Rebecca? This is a surprise,” Jacob said, answering his elder sister’s call.

“It shouldn’t be. Or did you forget that you wanted me to check into those dates?” she asked, giving him a hard time. 

Shit. Rebecca was right. His head had been all over the place for weeks now.

Before Leah brought up Nessie, he’d been thinking about surprising Nat with a trip to Hawaii for New Years since her birthday was in a few days, and he’d wanted to check that they could stay with Rebecca.

For one, he missed his sister. And second, the trip around Halloween made him realize that Natalie was always the one to plan romantic weekend getaways for them. He wanted to do something similar for her to show he cared.

But then Leah brought up Nessie, and her getting a say in his future, and it had messed with his head.

“I didn’t forget. I just figured you’d email or text them unless you planned to cancel,” Jacob tried, going so far as to chuckle softly to sell his explanation.

“I’d be hurt if I didn’t know better, but don’t forget -- I’m the deceptive one that taught you all my tricks growing up,” she said, unabashedly calling him out.

“Okay, you caught me. I forgot,” he admitted, laughing outright this time.

“Some romantic you’ve turned out to be,” she huffed, and he could imagine her shaking her head at him.

“I’ve had other things on my mind lately, sorry,” he said a bit defensively.

“All the more reason you should come for a visit. Hawaii is the best place to vacation, and rekindle a dying spark,” she replied. Jake wouldn’t classify his relationship as a dying spark -- those were likely Rachel’s words, but it probably would be a good way to assess where it was going. Weren’t vacations supposed to indicate long term compatibility? They’d been on them before, but this seemed different somehow.

“Plus, I haven’t seen you in person for nine years,” Jacob said pointedly, reminding his sister that she’d refused to come home since the week after she’d graduated high school.

“I still look just like Rachel,” she said flippantly.

“Not the same, Sis,” Jacob said more seriously. 

There’d been a time when Jacob had been closer to Rebecca than Rachel. But that was before their mom died. After that happened, Rebecca started acting out, while Jacob seemed to grow up overnight in order to help take care of Billy. Rachel helped a little for those first couple years, but then she left for school, and Jacob took over everything. Now, at least for the last few years, Rachel was the one primarily caring for Billy, but she had Paul’s help, and she was in a better place, so she didn’t mind like she had back in high school.

All she replied was, “Those days work. I’ll see you then.”

Two days later, Jacob left the printed receipt for the airline tickets on Natalie’s pillow, and he waited for her to find them when she got out of the shower. 

“Jake -- are we… did you… Hawaii, seriously!” she squealed, coming out of the bedroom, holding the wrinkled paper clutched in her hand. She launched herself at him, jumping to throw her arms around his neck the second she was close enough.

“Good birthday surprise then?” he asked, laughing at her enthusiasm.

Witnessing her joy, made him more eager and excited than he’d expected to be for the vacation. It was wonderful to see the fire back in her eyes. He’d not realized how much it had already dimmed again in the last few months until that very moment.

~

January 

“I’m actually surprised you wanted to visit an island given your phobia of water,” Jacob teased while they lounged on a beach the morning after New Years. 

Natalie had overindulged when they went out the night before, and was nursing a killer hangover that morning. They’d opted to lay out, and relax on the private beach behind the hotel that Rebecca worked as a maid at rather than do anything more involved until after her head hurt less.

“It’s Hawaii,” Nat said simply. 

He didn’t know what that meant, and asked frankly, “Yeah? And?”

It wasn’t like she’d go surfing or snorkeling or swim with dolphins or participate in any of the traditional tourist things. And hiking in the rainforest to see waterfalls and colorful birds was definitely out.

“It’s a romantic getaway -- the first one you’ve ever planned for us. This is a big deal,” Natalie said, giving Jacob a look like she wanted to pat his head for being such a simpleton.

“Yeah, I guess our weekend getaways and meeting the family haven’t really counted,” he said, having thought something similarly when arranging things for this.

Natalie just smiled and went back to messing with her tablet. Jacob suspected she was editing and posting pictures from their night out.

~

Later that afternoon, Jacob and Rebecca were strolling past all the shops near the beach in Honolulu when Rebecca shocked him by asking, “When are you going to put a ring on it?”

“Excuse me?” Jake sputtered, the random question sending his head spinning through the streets only narrowing missing getting run over by the speeding cars.

“If you don’t do it soon, she won’t stick around,” Rebecca warned, giving Jake a concerned look. Wait, she was telling Jake that he needed to propose to Natalie? Already?

“There’s no rush, she knows we aren’t there yet. We haven’t been together that long,” Jacob refuted, feeling the way his face had pinched in distress at the curve ball his sister had just hit him with. 

Rebecca shook her head, stepping to the side of the walkway, and turning to face him. When Jacob remained a frozen statue, she grabbed his arm and tried to haul him out of the way of the annoyed people forced to go around him. Like a mindless puppet, he allowed her to reposition him. He blinked, staring vacantly at her once she released his arm.

“Nearly three years. Trust me, she was expecting it to happen on this trip,” Rebecca explained, clearly concerned by Jacob’s abrupt stupor. 

“No… “ Jacob denied, shaking his head slowly. 

Natalie hadn’t thought that was what he’d had planned for this trip. Things had been really good again since Halloween, but they’d only been back on track a couple months. She wouldn’t take that to mean they were ready for marriage. Would she?

“You’re seriously clueless. She’s probably been expecting it for a while -- since you moved in together, I’d wager,” Rebecca insisted, letting him in a little bit to the secret inner workings of the female mind. It was seriously a convoluted and terrifying place. “What’s holding you back? Rachel said there was someone else, but I can’t imagine someone better giving you the time of day, let alone anyone else saying yes,” Rebecca prodded, half teasing and half genuinely curious.

“Married… that’s… like… “ Jacob started, unable to form a coherent sentence, and honestly a little horrified by the idea. 

“What adults do, Jacob,” Rebecca supplied, rolling her eyes. No wonder she got married on a whim. She had yet to grasp the enormity of making such a commitment.

For all the times he’d imagined a future with Natalie, he’d never thought of them being married for it. Somehow that seemed like a glaring oversight. What the hell was wrong with him?

“Welcome to being a grown up,” Rebecca said, bumping his shoulder playfully. Concern lingered in her eyes as she continued to watch him, but it was quickly fading. She no longer really knew him, and she’d never been one to dwell on unpleasant things, preferring to ignore them until the problem resolved itself on its own. In her mind, she’d just helped clarify things for him rather than spot a serious flaw in his carefully laid plans. 

“Scary,” Jacob said, nodding along, and starting to walk with her again. “I’m not sure I’m ready for all that,” he admitted. Truthfully, he was positive he wasn’t. Maybe in five or ten years. Probably more like fifteen or twenty years -- if ever. Marriage just wasn’t on his radar, and he wasn’t sure it was something he’d ever want.

“Just think about it,” she encouraged. “Look, I couldn’t get off work tonight, but seriously think about it, and I’ll meet you guys when I get off later tonight.” They were close to the hotel, and she nudged him towards the entrance of a jewelry shop, suggesting, “At least go in and look around. See if something catches your attention, and makes the idea a little more appealing to you.”

Like a zombie, he entered the store, walking around the near empty place, and glancing in the various display cases without really seeing any of the fancy, glittering pieces on show.

He was brought up short at the sight of one in particular. It alone was visible to him. A beautiful, delicate ring made entirely of pearls. They circled the band with a larger central luminescent orb sitting atop the band. The primary pearl, too, was circled with tiny pearls like little shimmering drops. It was so unusual. He’d never seen another like it, and at the sight of the pearls, a long forgotten memory floated to the surface of his mind.

_“Renesmee,” Jasper had said. Jacob remembered listening as he spoke to Bella with such obvious devotion to both women. “I hope you don't mind. I've taken to calling her Mae. I'd forgotten, but your daughter's name reminded me. I had a little sister -- before I was turned. She was only eight when I left for war. Her name was Margaret, but we all called her Mae. It's a good southern name for the perfect mix between a lady and a little spitfire. I'm certain that's what she'll be. Besides, it means pearl, and she already has perfect little pearly white teeth," Jazz explained._

Jacob stared at the ring in a trance.

“Looking for a less traditional engagement ring? She must be extraordinary to warrant something special and unique,” an elderly man said, coming to stand behind the case as he addressed Jacob.

“Oh, no… I’m not… I just -- I saw it, and… “ he tried, but gave up trying to explain why he’d been drawn to the one ring in particular.

It definitely wouldn’t suit Natalie. She’d want a traditional diamond engagement ring if he ever did propose. The bigger the better. Tiffany’s too. It’d have to come in a little blue box for her to be satisfied. That would take at least a year to save up for if he did intend to propose to her.

“Hmm. Pearls are the stones of sincerity. Fitting for your one true love. This also has an eternity band. A promise that your love will withstand the test of time, and all the challenges you must overcome to endure forever,” the man said quietly, pulling the ring out of the case.

Jacob’s head shot up suddenly at the peculiar words. They were so unexpectedly fitting. As if the man knew more than he should.

Without pausing to overthink, Jacob said, “I’ll take it.”

The entire walk back to his sister’s, he tried to work out why he’d made the impulsive purchase. There were no answers, no reasoning to be found. He’d quickly hidden the forbidden item in his bag, determined to put the entire incident from his mind once it was out of sight, then joined Natalie for a late lunch. She’d spent the day shopping, and was bubbling over with happiness at all the little treasures she’d discovered. After lunch, he’d gone surfing with Solomon while they waited for Rebecca to get off work.

Jacob liked Solomon, and was glad to see his sister so happy. Solomon was perfect for her free spirit, and it was easy to see that he had helped her heal after moving away from La Push. Once, she’d been rebellious and wild, now she appeared settled and content. 

The time away had been as good for her as it had been for Jacob. The difference was, Jacob was ready to return now that the tattered bits of his soul had well and truly mended.

~

April

Jacob’s final semester before graduating was a whirlwind of activity. Things with Nat were the best they’d ever been. She’d been a little off the first couple days after they returned from Hawaii, but that passed quickly. It gave credence to his sister’s words that she’d been expecting a proposal, and was disappointed that it hadn’t happened.

Unfortunately, Jacob had little time to think too much on the subject. He was too busy juggling work, school, and continuing to help Leah while also attempting to maintain some semblance of a social life with Aiden, Leah and Nat.

By April, Leah had gone over six months without phasing. Yet there were no signs that she’d begun aging, meaning Leah’s period hadn’t returned, but it was progress regardless. 

Jacob could still remember when that monthly visitor first stopped after Leah initially phased, and her fear of being pregnant. It had been awkward, not just for the fact that they were teenage boys that weren’t mature enough to have a conversation about periods, but because Sam had been with Emily for almost a year at that point. And Sam was the only guy Leah had ever been with. It wasn’t hard to figure out that Sam had slept with Leah at least once at some point just recently before she phased. Not one among the pack had ever mentioned it, but they all knew Sam had cheated on Emily with Leah, and that it was a large part of why she had such a hard time with Sam choosing his imprint over her. The fact Emily was Leah’s cousin and best friend was just icing on the cake. 

Knowledge of Sam’s indiscretion, and the fact Jacob had respected him enough not to rub it in his face, when Sam hadn’t shown the same courtesy, had played a heavy role in damaging Jacob’s fragile mental state after Embry’s death. No one was perfect. But Sam had implied Jacob would inevitably wrong Nessie, when really it had just been Sam projecting. Years later, Jacob could finally see the truth for himself. 

Jake had always wondered if Sam only chose Emily out of guilt over hurting her when he mauled her face. He’d seen enough in Sam’s head to know Sam loved Leah more, at least for that first year. 

That had been another reason Leah struggled. She was all too aware of the fact as well. Jacob was certain no one had ever told Emily, but he wondered if she knew or at least suspected. Witnessing Nat’s irrational jealousy over the last year made him positive she must have. What a tough position to be in. For everyone involved. 

At least Leah seemed to be in a healthy relationship now. One with a potential future at that. She’d continued having sex with Aiden, and it had slowly deepened, developing into more. She’d allowed herself to lean on him whenever Jacob was unavailable. Then at the beginning of the year, she’d finally admitted they were dating and that it wasn’t just sex. 

It wasn’t even that much of a surprise when Seth showed up at the start of April to help Leah move out of Jacob’s apartment, and into Aiden’s. 

Alice had stayed with the rest of the family, not wanting to accidentally trigger Leah and force her to start the whole process over with. They were working with the assumption that once Leah started aging again, she’d be fine to be around vampires without losing control the same as Billy and the other Quileute elders were. Hopefully, that was the case considering her brother lived with vamps, and her stepsister was one. 

At least, that was Alice’s excuse. Jacob thought it might just be a convenient way to continue avoiding him. He’d been calling her randomly ever since Mad’s visit, but Alice was ducking his calls. Seth swore he didn’t know anything, that it was all Alice and Edward. Then he’d finally told Jake that all Alice would say on the subject was that Jacob would find out when the time was right, and that everything she did was in his best interests and less painful for everyone involved. 

At one point during Seth’s trip, they’d taken a road trip to El Dorado National Forest and gone running together, enjoying actually getting to while in the same place. In the process, Seth had replayed a scene from a camping trip the family had taken during spring break the month prior. 

The sight of Nessie, clearly grown up was burned into his brain. Seth’s only comment at the time was, _She’s stopped aging._

Jacob tried not to think of her, knowing it wasn’t right, except he couldn’t shake what he saw. She was so different. He’d seen her in Seth’s mind before, but never like this. 

Seth sensed Jacob’s reluctant fascination, and rather than stating the obvious, he let memories from the week play out in his head. For hours, Jacob felt like he was right there with the Cullen family -- enjoying the outdoors and laughing at the same jokes while he and Seth ran through the woods.

Afterwards, the feelings the thoughts had invoked upset him more than he expected. 

This was different even from when he saw Ness at the wedding. Now it was clear that she didn’t just look old enough. The fact that she was dating was proof that she actually was all grown up, and she was breathtaking. He already knew firsthand that her kindness and intelligence rivaled her looks. Nessie had it all going for her. 

But because fate had a cruel sense of humor, she was not for him.

Story of his life.

~

May

Day’s after Jacob graduated, Seth called. “She’s going to spend the entire summer with him -- just the two of them,” Seth said urgently, speaking so fast that Jacob had to repeat the words over again in his head. Except, that didn’t help. He was still lost.

“What are you talking about?”

“Mae… and Nahuel,” Seth warned, tone regretful and hesitant.

“So… so that’s happening?” Jacob questioned, the acknowledgement driving a knife into his heart and turning it into so much mush.

“Not yet. There’s still time,” Seth began, and Jacob knew he planned to say more, but Jacob cut in before he could.

“Seth… I’m still with Natalie,” Jacob said, knowing he couldn’t begin with Ness until that had been resolved. He wasn’t that guy, and he wouldn’t give truth to Natalie’s fears and suspicions. He just couldn’t. 

And all of that was assuming Nessie would even want him. A fact she’d given no indication of in years. Only once had she ever indicated a thing, and after he’d shut her down, she’d almost completely withdrawn from him. She was the one that had limited their interactions, and kept the self-imposed distance between them.

“Not all love is true love. You may love Natalie. I don’t know, I think you do, but… But it’ll never be what you could have with Mae. We all know it.”

“I --”

Seth cut in impatiently, tired of dancing around what he really thought, saying, “Jake, you’re going to miss your chance. You’ve been in my head. You know she’s grown into the perfect woman for you. It’s not the imprinting -- some compulsion forcing you to love her. It’s her, Mae. Your perfect other half. Don’t let the past stop you.”

Memories and details of her scrolled through his head like a flipbook. Her love of the outdoors. Her artsy, creative side. How she’d rather stay in or do something normal than take advantage of her family’s wealth to do something over the top. Her compassion and kindness. Her appreciation of history and their collective roots. Her value of family. Her supernatural nature. It was all of it. Then to top it all off, her beauty was transcendent. Completely unparalleled.

Then there was the fact that for the last five weeks, at least a dozen times he’d dreamed of Nessie. Ever since he saw her in Seth’s mind from when they went camping. 

“I’m scared. Terrified,” Jacob admitted. 

“You don’t think I was to tell Alice about how I felt? But one of you has to be brave. It won’t be her, not after Quil’s wedding,” Seth said flatly.

“That was a crush. Or a misunderstanding. Or something. Not love,” Jacob said. In the years since, it was easy to convince himself he’d overreacted that day. She’d not argued or made any attempts that altered his assumptions.

“It was more than that,” Seth insisted.

“It was?” Jacob asked dubiously.

“It was recognition -- a knowing you’d never be complete without the other, but you were too stubborn to admit it, or maybe too broken still. And truthfully, she wasn’t ready yet, so this worked out better, but things are different now. Just call her. Ask her if he’s really who she wants. I’m sure that’s all it will take to know for sure. Give her the chance to choose you.”

To him, Bella and Nessie truly were entirely separate beings. But the idea of her picking another would be so much more devastating than it had been when Bella did it before. Probably just as devastating as it had been for Ness when he stayed with Natalie.

Shit.

“Thanks, Seth,” Jacob said, hanging up.

He dialed Natalie, but he got her voicemail. He left a message saying he needed to talk to her as soon as possible. He really wanted a clean slate when he talked to Nessie. Except, Natalie didn’t return his call. He tried her again twice more over the next few hours until his work day ended.

Eventually, he got sick of waiting, too impatient to hear what Ness would say. He headed to the beach, hoping the rhythmic crashing to the ocean waves on the beach would calm his fraying nerves.

Nothing. Energy and jittering bees buzzed over his skin like static electricity. Fuck it. He was over waiting.

“Jacob?” Nessie answered flatly. Great. Just the way he wanted this conversation to start off.

“Seth said you’re going to spend the summer with Nahuel,” Jacob breathed, voice huskier than normal, thick with emotion. How was he supposed to tell her this was a mistake when he’d done the exact same thing by getting involved with Natalie. Did this make him a hypocrite? Should he encourage her to love someone else or just beg her to love him instead?

“Yes,” Mae confirmed softly.

“Is he really what you want?” Jacob asked, feeling the barbed points of the hooks that dragged the words reluctantly from his throat. It was the question Seth had told him to ask, but he was more reluctant than ever to have her answer it.

So many what ifs...

“Do you not think I should?” she asked enigmatically. 

What sort of answer was that? Didn’t she realize how hard it was for him to even ask? How much harder this was when she wasn’t upfront with her thoughts? He wished she was there so he could experience her thoughts with her gift. Then he’d know for sure. What did she need him to say to answer the question? Whatever it was, he’d say it.

Jacob opened his dry mouth, then closed it to swallow roughly. Every ounce of moisture had evaporated, leaving his tongue too thick and awkward to use properly when forming words. He tried swallowing again. It was no use. He opened his mouth to speak anyways -- just as his phone beeped with an incoming call. He pulled the phone away to glance at the caller ID. 

Natalie.

Of course. What spectacular timing! He clicked ignore, and shook his head incredulously.

“Say something,” Nessie said, sounding strained. Or was she annoyed? 

Shit. What had she asked? His train of thought was completely derailed after seeing his girlfriend’s name on his screen. He really wished he’d waited to take care of that first, but after he didn’t hear from her, his frayed nerves had frazzled his thought processes like exposed wires sparking dangerously. It would have freed him up to be so much more honest with Ness now. As it was, his hands were tied.

Right. She wanted to know what he thought she should do.

What if she doubted him when he told her? He’d given her no reason prior to this to believe he had any sort of romantic feelings for her. He’d not even started having them before last month. And if she was annoyed, was it because she thought he was calling to boss her around the way her family always did? He needed her to know he would respect her choice. That desire dictated his words, opening the door for her to take the lead, while promising to follow regardless of what she decided.

“I… I want you to be happy, and have everything you desire,” he said, a ragged, raspy voice. “Everything.”

“Then I guess it’s a good thing I’m going to see Nahuel. Tell Natalie I said hi. Goodbye, Jacob,” she resolutely, then hung up before he even had a chance to register her words. 

Then they did.

Pain lanced through his chest, a scimitar slicing cleanly through his torso. When his invisible assailant removed the sword, Jacob felt his guts spill onto the ground in its wake. Decimated. He was utterly destroyed. His heart shattered into a thousand bloody, mangled pieces like so much broken glass.

Nessie had picked Nahuel the same as Bella had picked Edward. This was infinitely worse. Being burned at the stake over a sunburn. Worse, the sun had burned out entirely. Endless night loomed before him. Empty, and without hope. How was he supposed to go on? What was the point?

Natalie called again. The last thing he wanted was to engage in a fight with her, but this conversation was overdue. He was so tired. All Jacob wanted to do was crawl into bed, pull the covers over his head, and sleep for a month. Nessie’s declaration had zapped him of every ounce of strength he had. Maybe if he slept, he’d eventually wake up to find today had been nothing more than a nightmare. 

Maybe he could have gone to Nessie directly, looked her in the eye, and told her he wanted to be with her. The idea of seeing her look at him as she had at Quil’s wedding made his breath catch. Except, she’d decided on another. Now he’d never get the chance to see it again or return the look.

“Can you honestly say you’re happy with me?” Jacob asked as soon as he answered. Hopefully, he could make her see the direction this conversation was going right off the bat. 

“With you? Completely,” Natalie said thickly. There was a lot of background noise wherever she was -- probably a bar. It was happy hour at most places. “With life? Not today. You’ll never guess what just happened --”

“Natalie, I’m serious. You wouldn’t rather be with someone you have more in common with?” Jacob interrupted, sighing heavily, and turning to head back towards his apartment.

“No. You try so hard to make me happy. I love it. I don’t need or want anything else,” Natalie said, stopping Jacob in his tracks. He did not want to walk into the apartment they shared and see her once they finished talking. Because she definitely wouldn’t be saying or feeling that much longer. Abruptly, he changed course, heading to Aiden and Leah’s place. “Now, today I --”

“Natalie --” Jacob interrupted, not wanting to listen to whatever new drama had happened at her job. He was too damaged to fake politeness.

“Jake, you’re acting crazy, and I’m trying to tell you something important!” Nat hissed, spitting the words like an angry cat unexpectedly doused with water. He could hear a garbled announcement playing over a loudspeaker in the background of wherever she was.

“No, I’m --”

“Please don’t do this tonight. I can’t handle fighting with you right now. Please, just not tonight,” Nat begged. “I’m serious.”

It sounded like she was already crying, so she must know what he planned to say. Why would doing this another day make it go over any better? Maybe because she was in public, and didn’t want her friends to see? That was about as likely as anything else. 

“What …” he started, trailing off when she whisper-shouted into the phone. 

“I got fired today, Jake!” she informed him. Well that explained why she hadn’t answered his earlier calls. She went on, explaining, “That asshole in my department got me fired for that post last week.” 

He vaguely recalled her telling him about an incident the week before when she’d posted a piece of gossip online about one of the company’s artists, and had to make a public apology since it’d been inaccurate and the artist had been furious.

“Oh,” he said dumbly. That really sucked. He knew how much she loved her work. No wonder she’d said not today. Her world had just been turned upside down. She probably wouldn’t handle having it happen twice in one day very well. 

“Nice. Real supportive. Look, I called Mad, and she suggested I come out to see her for a while until this all blows over. I really can’t stand the idea of staying in this city another moment, so I’m at the airport,” she said quickly. “My flight is actually about to board, so I have to go.”

“You are? Now?”

“Babe, I love you so much. You’re everything to me. I’m so sorry not to give you any notice, and make this decision without you, but I hope you can understand. And when I get home I’ll show you just how much you mean to me, and --”

“Natalie, that’s just it. I --”

“Oh. I see. Right. Look… just not tonight, remember?” she reminded pointedly. “I can’t take anything else right now, and I don’t have time to get into it.”

“Okay. We’ll talk soon then,” he agreed, knowing they’d need to make arrangements about the apartment.

“Just -- Oh, hey, they’re calling my group. Miss and love you,” she said in a rush, beginning to talk to someone else. 

Wait… that last bit must have just been out of habit, right? Because there was no possible way he could continue with her when the only woman he wanted was Ness. It was so clear to him now -- now that it was too late. 

Just as he was about to comment, Nat sucked in a sharp breath and said, “Shit. Sorry, Jake. I wasn’t -- I mean… yeah… uh, I mean bye,” she finished awkwardly. 

Guess they were on the same page, after all.


	13. 13: Willing - Mae

Author’s Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think! 

The theme songs for this chapter are from Nahuel’s perspective, and they are _All I Need_ by Within Temptation, _She Couldn’t Change Me_ by Montgomery Gentry, and _Poison and Wine_ by The Civil Wars.

Mae has one last life-changing adventure before she reunites with Jacob, which will happen during her next chapter...

PS I’m not Stephenie Meyer, so I don’t own anything :(

~

Ch 13: Willing - Mae

Year 7 - 2012-2013

June

Seth surprised Mae by going along to the airport to see her off. They were close, of course, but she’d really only expected her parents to want to say goodbye before her first solo trip.

“Did you talk to Jake?” he asked. So he’d been the one to tell Jacob about her planned trip. She’d suspected, but this practically confirmed it for her.

“And here I was thinking you were here to say bye to me,” Mae huffed, bumping his shoulder with her fist.

“You know I’ll miss you. You’re my only niece. But I have to ask for his sake. Did --”

“Yes,” she muttered, speaking low, and grateful that the airport was so loud her parents couldn’t listen in from where they stood some distance away talking to Alice. “We talked.”

“He didn’t say anything?” Seth asked, forehead pinched in confusion. Had he not asked his packmate himself how the conversation went?

“He said he wants me happy,” she said darkly, annoyed that Jacob had bothered to call at all. Life was so much more straightforward when they just didn’t talk at all. The ground didn’t go and shift right out from under her when they were ignoring each other.

“I’m sorry, Mae, I know this doesn’t involve me, but --”

Mae cut him off, hissing, “Don’t act like I was the one stopping us. It was never me before -- but now it is. He’s with Natalie -- still. I think that says plenty. Certainly more than he’s capable of saying. And I want to try with Nahuel -- I need this. I think he knows that.”

“He probably does. Would it make a difference if he wasn’t with her?” Seth tentatively questioned, opening his mouth to add something, then deciding against it.

“Honestly? I don’t know at this point. Like I said, I know I want to try with Nahuel. He’s always been clear with me, and I’m really excited to see him. But when I talk to Jacob, things get jumbled. Besides, we’ve been apart for so long. We’re different people now. I doubt we’d even fit together at this point.”

“I think you’d be surprised. From my point of view, you’ve grown together despite the distance,” Seth stated, confirming a suspicion she’d already harbored.

“And yet it doesn’t matter,” she said, resolved to leave Jacob in the past -- where he belonged.

“And yet it doesn’t,” he echoed sadly.

She’d come to terms with how things were between them a long time ago. It seemed to be everyone else that hadn’t. Okay, not everyone. But Seth and Leah certainly. The rest of her family left well enough alone.

Months went by where she didn’t think of Jacob at all, but one of his pack mates would inevitably rub him in her face and it would be like she was getting over her crush all over again.

Seth’s worry and concern were etched clearly across his face. The sight prompted her to speak. “Nahuel is like me. And he’s been a good friend over the years -- always there for me,” she reiterated, highlighting why she firmly believed he was the right choice for her.

“Are you settling?”

“I don’t know,” Mae admitted. It was a private fear she’d had, but honestly, if they didn’t suit, it wasn’t like she didn’t have time to find someone else someday. The rush of her youth to find love had dissipated, replaced with other passions and pursuits. That wasn’t to say she didn’t want it, and wouldn’t embrace the opportunity if things with Nahuel went well. But it was more important that she embrace the journey and see for herself what potentially waited for her. “I can’t know if I don’t try.”

Before she knew it, she’d said goodbye to her parents, Seth and Alice, and was through security, preparing to embark on a trip that would no doubt change her life -- one way or another. There was a gift from Rose tucked away in her luggage that she was trying not to think about, and probably wouldn’t ever wear, but it was there nonetheless.

Today, she wasn’t following someone else’s lead as her life happened, she was the one taking charge and in control as she charted her course.

~

June

Arriving in Chile seemed a little more overwhelming this time than it had either time in the past. None of her family was there to usher her through Customs or baggage claim. It seemed louder and busier this time. Nerves and anticipation clamoured in her stomach, turning it over and over like a dryer on a spin cycle. Luckily, she’d been through each of the airports she stopped at a couple times previously, and didn’t have to figure out how to navigate in a timely manner. She only barely made her connecting flight, the layover was so short, and that was despite her prior knowledge of the layout.

Nahuel had sounded uncomfortable with the idea of meeting her at the airport. Apparently, there’d been some sort of mayhap the last time he’d been when leaving or returning from visiting Jennifer. Mae wasn’t clear on the details, but she didn’t really mind getting a little time to check in at her hotel and freshen up before going to meet him at the top of San Cristobal Hill.

The instant she saw him, she felt the way her face stretched into a wide grin. He was dressed unabashedly in the style that he’d worn for the last one hundred and fifty years -- animal skins, fur, and sandals with his lean chest exposed. He was a sight to behold. Taking him in fully, with a new appreciation, left her feeling light and giddy. 

She almost laughed as he prowled closer, particularly when she noted a few people taking pictures of him, probably thinking he was in costume for some reason or another. Nahuel seemed oblivious to the attention he was receiving, Mae being the sole focus of his attention. 

“Renesmee,” he said as he approached. “You’re more exquisite than I ever dreamed you would grow to be.”

The second he was close enough, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her flush against him. Her breath caught at the full body contact. Wow. Talk about intense. It felt so much more electric than what any of the human guys she’d gone out with in the last two years had managed to ignite within her.

He lingered, seeming unwilling to part with her, and his hands were more familiar than she’d expected, slipping low and sliding familiarly over her hips when he finally released her, though he remained firmly within her personal space. 

Perhaps she should have anticipated this. He’d made it clear that he was inviting her to visit so they could embark on a romantic relationship, but her brain felt a bit scrambled and was struggling to catch up. Must be jet lag.

“Thanks. I’m really glad you invited me,” she murmured when she noted the smirk he was leveling at her. So he was aware of the effect he was having on her, and seemed to be taking an immense amount of satisfaction from it. 

Great. So glad she could amuse him as she swooned over him like a schoolgirl with her first crush.

“I already booked a hotel room, and dropped my bags off,” she said, looking for something to fill the silence and break the ice. “Are you staying in town with me, or… “

“You want me to share your room?” Nahuel murmured, moving imperceptibly closer as he asked.

“No!” she squeaked, inching back, and feeling a bit like a mouse with a cat on its tail. He frowned at the adamant refusal. “Uh, no, that’s not what I meant. I just wondered where you plan to sleep,” she corrected herself, taking a deep breath to gather her composure.

“I’ve made my own arrangements,” he assured, smirking at his ability to unsettle her so easily. His pleasure at her reaction to him only seemed to be intensifying.

“Uh, good. Great,” she stammered.

The next several hours were spent wandering through Santiago, and catching up on everything they hadn’t included in their texts. They started with the zoo since it was closest, and continued down through the streets afterwards.

Immediately, Mae was aware of the difference in the way he looked at her. It remained almost predatory. Almost as if he was barely restraining himself from pouncing on her. Never had she felt as desirable as he made her feel in that single afternoon. In addition to that, they walked with his arm encircling her waist. It felt like a possessive brand, and one not entirely unwelcome. The heat of his touch was so much more alluring than that of human or vampire skin, and the desire behind it was so blatant. It was a rush.

And it was so different spending time with someone she could be open and honest with. Someone that she’d shared intimate details of her life with over the years. He was already part of her life, already had a place. There was already a connection between them, and it was expanding rapidly.

All too soon, however, Mae had to call it a day. The series of flights had zapped her energy, and the jolt she’d gotten from reuniting with Nahuel had faded after a couple hours. They made plans to meet the next morning. Mae didn’t even bother to change before sprawling across her bed and falling asleep.

~

They were stopped trying to enter an art museum that Mae had been rapturising about all morning. Apparently, they had a dress code and shirts were required for entry. It was at that moment, that she realized Nahuel didn’t blend in with humans, despite his increased ability to. It was certainly easier for him than it was for her parents, yet he seemed disinclined to try.

Earlier, while they toured the city, she’d noticed all the strange looks his attire got. They were even more pronounced than the day before, since they were walking through downtown Santiago, a rather large city, but not one like New York where the strange and unusual hardly made a person blink twice. It made her self-conscious, and a little afraid. Would this draw the attention of the Volturi?

They were the Boogeymen of her childhood. The events of her first year, and even the second when Edward was absent, were forever branded upon her. An indelible reminder to never cross them.

Despite her fear of drawing the unwanted attention of the ruling vampires, mostly, she just accepted that it was who Nahuel was. And she actually admired his ability and commitment to being precisely who he was with no artifice. It made him more unique than most of the guys she’d met in college. It also enabled her to embrace her own dual nature more fully, rather than attempting to be entirely one thing or another.

“I’m sorry, Renesmee,” he apologized when he realized she’d not get to visit the museum because of him.

“It’s okay,” she said lightly, shrugging it off, and coming up with a new plan on the spot. “Now we have time to go back and check out that park we passed on the way here. I could take some pictures,” she suggested, patting the camera bag slung over her shoulder.

They’d begun walking down the steps, but as they passed a fountain, he caught her hand, spinning her to face him. Immediately, one of his arms encircled her waist while his hand cradled her cheek. In the fraction of a second it took her to process what was happening, his lips descended to meet hers. 

Every inch of her body came alive. The jittery excitement that had been missing from every other kiss she’d had over the last two years was finally present. It was intense. He used his considerable strength to pin her to his chest, caging her against him and surrounding her with his presence. Inescapable.

He tasted of blood, though his lips remained firmly closed even when the tip of her tongue traced against them. The forbidden taste of ambrosia made flames flare to life in her throat, leaving her thirsty when he broke away. Only his head drew back. The rest of his lean, wiry body remained tightly pressed against her.

“Was that all right?” he asked quietly, the question not really registering between the thirst and sensation.

“Hmm?” she hummed, focusing on her breathing. It was shallow and erratic, as if she’d just run miles and miles with her family, desperately trying to keep up.

“You won’t regret choosing me.”

“I don’t,” Mae said, surprised he felt the need to make such a declaration.

He kissed her again, every bit as roughly as the first time, and every bit as chastly. Her head spun dizzyingly. It left her breathless, and floundering. Mae hands gripped his arms, desperate to anchor herself to the moment lest gravity lose its hold on her and she float away, lost in the universe.

A knowing smirk played about Nahuel’s lips when they parted, and she wondered why he seemed so much less affected by her than she was by him. Maybe it was a male-female thing. She was still learning to differentiate those nuances.

Afterwards, they walked in the park, feeding the ducks gathered in the pond, and taking pictures of the people strolling and the pickup soccer game being played by a group of teenagers. They talked all the while, Nahuel sharing more about his decision to part from Huilen for the duration of Mae’s visit. Turned out that Huilen particularly disliked Mae because she was proof that her beloved sister could have survived Nahuel’s birth. The fact that she hadn’t, made Huilen feel like a failure, and she put all of that negative emotion on Mae.

There weren’t really words to express her condolences. No one had ever hated her for not being a monster. It wasn’t something she really knew what to do with. Perhaps just listening to Nahuel and being a sympathetic ear would be enough.

~

A couple days later, Nahuel surprised Mae by appearing in the lobby of her hotel dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt. His traditional braid had vanished as well, replaced with a bun at the nape of his neck that disguised the long length. He looked supremely uncomfortable, yet undeniably modern. Not to mention seriously satisfied when he noted her reaction. He truly enjoyed surprising her.

“Why?” she breathed, already missing his familiar appearance that she’d come to admire for its honest representation of him. He was not like everyone else. His past had shaped and defined him. And he wore the evidence like armour or a badge of honor. 

“For you. To fit into your world,” he said, pulling her against him and taking her lips in a fierce kiss. 

Since the first time, he made a point to steal her lips every chance he got, seeming to love how each and every time she melted against him. It had taken two full days before she realized why he’d refused to open his mouth. Venom. Nahuel was venomous, and properly kissing her could kill her. She’d finally asked about it, knowing it wasn’t an issue for Alice and Seth, but he’d stated quite clearly that just being near her made venom pool in his mouth.

“Nahuel, you don’t need to change. Not for me,” Mae said breathily, struggling to order her thoughts and present her argument in the wake of his hello. 

That’s not how relationships worked. Not in her world. They were successful because each person respected the other -- they didn’t try to force the other to fit into a specific ideal they had in their head. It was precisely because of that failing that Edward and Bella hadn’t lasted.

“I want to take you to that museum. Wearing a shirt is an easy concession to make, if it allows me to give you what you want,” Nahuel said, brushing her concern aside. His fingers traced over her lips, the warmth of the caress distracting.

“I like you -- just the way you are,” Mae insisted, trying to make him see.

Nahuel kissed her again, stealing her breath and the fight right out of her.

“You will accept this,” he said autocratically, the one flaw in him that she was quickly tiring of. Mae was not one to be bossed around. She was no weak-willed simpleton. “Shall we go?” he asked, distracting her by bending his head to whisper the words in her ear. A chill went down her spine. Amplified when he pulled back, taking his comforting heat with him.

Not knowing what else to say, Mae allowed him to guide her back to the museum.

~

July

Her two week trip had already been extended to four weeks then later six. For as long as she could get away with, Mae intended to stay and get to know Nahuel. But time was quickly running out. She could only delay returning for so long unless she was willing to give up school -- and that was something she had no desire to do. Not for anyone.

Their days were filled with little adventures. She’d done so many things she’d never imagined herself doing. He pushed her boundaries. Insisted she try new things. Then there was the intimacy of their budding relationship. Heated touches, and probing kisses. Stolen caresses in private. The first time he’d attempted to take things further, he’d felt her involuntarily tense and immediately backed off. He didn’t mention it or behave differently, and she appreciated his willingness to take that side of things a little slower.

The flip side of his chivalry was an awareness of his questionable morales in every other aspect of his life. A particular interaction from the week before sprung to mind as she considered what it meant. 

_“Where did you get this?” she asked, amazed as she looked at the brand new camera bag filled with probably several thousand dollars worth of supplies, as well as a brand new Canon camera._

_This wasn’t the first gift he’d given her either. Every couple days he showed up with a generous new token for her. Silk scarves hand-woven. Necklaces decorated with precious stones. Glittering hair combs. A sleek leather jacket. He didn’t listen when she asked him not to. Bella’s aversion to gifts was well known in the family, and growing up hearing her insistence that gifts were overkill, when they already had so much made her grow to dislike them as well -- much to Edward’s annoyance._

_So far the question of money hadn’t come up before. He let her pay when a place they visited required it, but aside from that, Mae knew he didn’t work. Never had. Yet as she looked at the fortune in camera equipment laid out before her, she had to wonder where he’d gotten the funds to afford it. To afford any of it._

_“I took it,” he said simply, not displaying an ounce of guilt or remorse._

_“You what?” Mae demanded. “Nahuel!” she cried, aghast at the idea of stealing._

_“I wanted it. And now I have it,” he said, making it clear he believed she was overreacting. It was the same expression Edward often wore if Bella or Mae behaved too much like a human, or expressed human opinions._

_“That’s not how the world works. Someone probably worked hard to earn this, and now it’s gone. You have to give it back,” Mae insisted, not oblivious to the absurdity of her, a girl only barely grown, trying to teach someone over a hundred and fifty years old right from wrong. Things he should have been taught long ago._

_Mae recalled her childish hope of one day fixing him. Well, this was as good a place as any to get started with that._

_“He no longer needs it,” Nahuel agruged, his eyebrows lifting pointedly as he watched her, waiting for comprehension to take hold._

_“You killed him,” Mae whispered, horrified. Tears formed in her eyes as she wondered how many others he’d murdered in order to obtain the gifts he continuously showered her with. They were all tainted now. Soaked in blood that would forever stain them._

_Oh god. What was she doing here? This would never work._

_“You sound surprised. Why? I was thirsty, and he had something I wanted. It was a win-win -- isn’t that what you Usanians call it?”_

_He was right. This shouldn’t come as news to her. She’d always known he hunted humans, drinking their blood. But before it had seemed more an abstract concept. One that was easily overlooked when the evidence wasn’t staring her in the face._

_“I guess I just forgot,” she said quietly, stepping back in avoidance when he reached to hold her._

_“Forgot that I, like you,” he added pointedly, “am part vampire? That I survive on human blood. These people, all of them, are food. When I am thirsty, I drink, and one dies. But look around, there are so many. The world will hardly miss the loss of one,” he said, shrugging._

_“The people who love them mind. How can you be so dismissive?” she demanded, crossing her arms and backing up further. The last thing she wanted was his hands on her when he was fresh from ending a life._

_Mae couldn’t believe she’d ever once considered hunting humans herself -- even just to try it. The horror she felt right now would have surely stopped her even if Edward hadn’t interfered or Bella hadn’t reminded her of the consequences._

_“You’re angry with me,” he stated, truly surprised._

_“Yes! Yes, I am,” Mae hissed, infuriated by his cavalier attitude._

_“You would have me stop? Stop and do things your way?” Nahuel questioned, studying her intently. His face was pinched, clearly disliking the idea, but at least willing to have a conversation about it._

_Mae thought it over for a long time. Bella’s words floated through her head, a smoky reminder of the past only so much more substantial. The situation reminded her of addicts. They couldn’t quit for anyone but themselves. If the decision wasn’t intrinsically motivated, it didn’t stick. Significant lifestyle changes couldn’t happen for any reason other than because the person wanted to change._

_“I… no. That would have to be your decision. You can’t do it for me. But I don’t want any part in your murders,” Mae finally said, determination making her stand straighter._

_“Let’s make a deal. If you try things my way --”_

_“I’m not hunting humans,” Mae interrupted to protest._

_“I’m aware that you finally made that decision for yourself,” Nahuel said dryly, one side of his lips tipping up in a half smile._

_“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mae asked angrily, pissed and confused about what he was implying._

_“For so long you let your family make your choices for you. Now you’ve finally made the decision for yourself -- that was all I ever wanted for you. But we digress,” he said, going on before she had a chance to interject about what he’d just said. Although, she couldn’t really argue with what he’d said. He’d known her for so long, and she’d confessed so many secrets over the years that he truly understood her. Perhaps better than anyone else. “As for the deal, I want you to try taking something you want -- regardless of silly human laws. If you do, I will try hunting animals,” he offered. The idea both tantalizing and forbidden._

_No one had to get hurt. And no human was strong enough to stop her._

_“What do you want me to take?” she asked quietly._

_“You love cars. I’ve seen the way you watch them,” he commented, stepping closer._

_Between Edward and Rosalie, it was bound to happen. Edward took any excuse he could find to purchase new ones, and Rosalie enjoyed discovering their inner workings and making modifications to improve them. Mae tended towards the latter, spending countless hours this last year with her aunt in the garage working on one or more of their numerous vehicles just for fun. Buying things was too frivolous for her to truly appreciate._

_“Yes,” she agreed._

_“Take one,” Nahuel said persuasively, almost seductively. Mae shivered at the command, swallowing thickly._

_“I have no reason to. My family has money. If I wanted a car, I’d buy it -- not hurt someone else by --” she tried to refute._

_“You’re missing the point,” he interrupted, frowning. “I want you to try things my way, and I’ll try yours. Take a chance. Live a little -- be adventurous,” he said, bending until his lips almost just touched her neck. His breath fanned against her skin, and a gasp escaped her lips. Nahuel began to trace his lips down the length of her neck._

_“I’m adventurous!” she squeaked, having almost forgotten to respond once he began distracting her._

_“Prove it,” he challenged, recalling her weakness._

_Mae was still completely unable to resist a challenge of any sort. Always had been._

_That was how she found herself sitting behind the wheel of a car that didn’t belong to her three hours later. She’d used Rose’s teachings, and deliberately picked an older car that she knew she could hotwire, and she proceeded to do just that._

_“How do you feel?” Nahuel asked._

_“Alive,” she admitted. There was no other way to describe the adrenaline pumping steadily through her veins._

_“My father is right about one thing -- we are the superior species. Don’t let yourself be held back by arbitrary human rules that can’t ever possibly apply to you,” Nahuel said wisely, leaning back in his seat to watch her drive._

_“Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should,” she denied. The pleasure she’d taken in showing him she could do this diminishing as reality set back in._

True to his word, Nahuel had tried hunting animals afterwards. To say he’d been dissatisfied with the experience was a remarkable understatement. But he’d still done it -- for her. 

Part of her was concerned about all the changes he was making to his person on her behalf. It wasn’t fair of her to expect him to be anything other than what and who he was. Part of why she’d liked him in the first place was that he was true to himself. Yet he brushed off her concerns whatever she mentioned anything about it, insisting it was no big deal.

In the end, she stopped bringing it up. Choosing to enjoy their time together instead.

They’d done other things too, legal things even. Such as making a film while using vamp abilities and speed. No one outside the family would ever be able to see it, but it had been fun to make the trip outside the city one day and shot the various scenes. She’d worked on editing it at night before bed, and it was almost finished.

Today they’d actually stayed in her hotel room, so she could work on it instead of adventuring out into the city.

“Will you stay with me?” Nahuel asked suddenly, catching her off guard. That question was the very last that Mae expected him to ask of her.

“I have to go back soon. School starts in a few weeks,” she said sadly. As much as she’d hate it, they’d have to try to make things work long distance. It was only two years. They’d manage. Because really, what was two years in the face of eternity.

“You won’t even consider it?” he asked.

“No. I’m sorry, but I want to finish school too much, and I don’t want to leave my friends or family.” Mae got up from the room’s desk and went over to sit beside him on the bed. Immediately, he took her hands, squeezing as he met her eyes.

“Hmm. I see. Then I will return with you,” he stated.

“What are you talking about? Your whole life is here. You really don’t need to move. We can visit during holidays, and talk on the phone more. We can --”

“I want to be wherever you are. Not sometimes, but always,” Nahuel insisted, releasing her hands to wrap his arms around her. “And I’d like to be with your family. I’d like that very, very much.”

“Oh, wow,” Mae breathed, hugging him back automatically. “You can’t just decide on a whim to move to a new country,” she refuted.

“It’s my life, and I want it to be with you and yours,” he insisted. “Why be apart when we don’t have to be? Eventually, we will be together always -- why not start now?”

“What do you plan on doing in Wyoming? I’m still in school,” she started, listing the first flaws she could think of with his spur of the moment plan.

“I’ve never been to college. Perhaps I would like it if I tried,” Nahuel said easily, then more firmly, “This is my decision.”

“I’ll call Papa, and see if he can help get you enrolled,” she breathed, scanning his face to be sure he was serious.

“You caved quicker than I expected,” Nahuel said smugly.

What was the point? Nahuel had this way of talking circles around her until she inevitably gave in. He knew how to make even the craziest thing sound logical. Mae knew he wasn’t gifted, but sometimes she could swear he possessed some ability of persuasion.

“I don’t exactly like the idea of distance while we’re still figuring things out, so you didn’t have to try very hard,” she said dryly, scrolling through her contacts and pressing Jasper’s name. “Papa?” she said, the instant the connection was made. 

“Hello, Poppet,” he chuckled.

“Nahuel is going to come back with me. Is there any way you can help him enroll at UW with me for this fall?” she asked tentatively, biting nervously on her thumb nail as she waited for him to reply.

“Ah, I see,” he said with so much hidden meaning that her eyes rolled helplessly.

“Papa,” she groaned.

“I’ll have the arrangements made by the time your flight lands at the end of the week,” he promised, reminding her, “I love you, Mae.”

“You’re the best! Thank you,” she cried, meeting Nahuel’s answering grin.

~

August

The family welcomed Nahuel without question or effort. Esme offered a room in the main house for him to stay in -- provided he did not hunt nearby. Mae tried to tell everyone that he’d switched to an animal diet, but Edward gave her a telling look that revealed Nahuel had found human blood too much of a temptation to continue resisting -- even for her sake. Well, the deal had been for him to try. They’d said nothing of making it a permanent transition, and she’d known doing it for her wouldn’t be enough. Nahuel agreed to hunt elsewhere, and nothing else was said on the matter. 

The day before classes started, Mae arrived at the main house to find Nahuel had cut off all of his long hair.

“What have you done?” Mae asked, startled at the sight.

“Men around here don’t ordinarily wear their hair long. I wish to fit in,” Nahuel explained, stepping away when she leaned up to kiss him. 

Mae was starting to notice a pattern. He wouldn’t touch her in any way if they were near her family -- not even a hug or to hold her hand. 

“Not all of them wear it short,” she denied, moving to touch the shorn locks, and after he deftly avoided her touch again, angrily adding, “and are you forgetting that you aren’t from here? Looking like a carbon copy doesn’t automatically make you fit in. Besides, fitting in is overrated. I just want you to be you.”

“This seemed a necessary sacrifice,” Nahuel said, glancing nervously at her hand still inches from his hair. “Don’t be distressed -- I’m not.”

“Then let’s talk about why you won’t touch or kiss me,” she fired off.

“Your fathers… “ he said, trailing off and shrugging uncomfortably. He had to be kidding her. Nahuel was afraid of her fathers? He was nearly as old as Jazz and older than Edward!

“Are you saying you fear their retribution?” she goaded, attempting to wound his pride and get him to stand up to them for her. He’d have to eventually, so why not go ahead and get it over with.

“Yes,” he said frankly.

“They wouldn’t,” she insisted. Explaining, “They know we’re together. They’re prepared to deal and not cause a fuss.”

“I’d rather not put it to a test,” he said formally, shifting stiffly.

“Ever?” she asked, alarmed by the prospect.

“I’m sorry, but when we’re here or around them, no,” he said stoically. “Do not push the matter again,” he commanded.

Well wasn’t that just wonderful… What was she supposed to do with that? 

~

October

Nahuel was a contradiction. One that was driving her mad.

Half the time he went out of his way to be like everyone else, and deliberately altered himself to be part of her world. The rest of the time, he was reckless, using vampiric speed in front of her friends, then acting dismissive when she warned him to be careful. 

Their first major fight had come when he suggested killing Trinity if she kept watching him as closely as she had been lately. Nahuel never seemed to mind hanging out with her college friends, all of whom thought he was gorgeous and exotic. But his stance made it clear he believed they were beneath him, expendable, and not worthy of being considered his friends.

It was baffling to her. They hung out on campus together, often having lunch together or going to parties as a group. Nahuel had immersed himself in the college life, attending all of the lectures and events that he could. Basically everything she’d spent the last two years telling him that she loved to do. Yet he still couldn’t see humans as more than walking blood bags -- even the ones she loved. 

It was obvious that their time in Chile was like living in a bubble. One that popped almost immediately after returning to Wyoming. 

Rose said that was because Nahuel was nothing more than a summer fling. Her first taste of real romance and a first love. That it was never intended to last, and she’d regret forcing it, insisting it would taint the good memories she had, but she didn’t want to believe that was possible, so she ignored Rose’s warning and dire predictions.

It had taken a few weeks, but Mae had slowly come to the realization that Nahuel needed her. This world was foreign to him, and he relied on her to help him navigate it, often looking to her whenever he was uncertain in a social situation. He took cues from those around them, but the majority of his actions were based on her wants and desires. If he didn’t seem so content, it would concern her more. But he did. He laughed freely and often. So she went with it. All the while wondering if this was somehow healing the damage of his youth. If it was, then being together was a good thing for more than just the obvious reason.

“Are we going to that party?” he whispered, referring to the party Trinity was talking to her new boyfriend, Carlos, about.

“You want to spend an evening hanging out with lowly humans?” Mae leaned in to ask, partially wondering if he was serious. A costume party didn’t seem like it’d be his thing.

“They’re growing on me,” he said lightly, and she almost believed him.

“I’d like to, but only if you’re sure,” she agreed.

“Yes, Renesmee, I’ll take you. And maybe afterwards, we can slip away to hunt. It’s a sight I will never tire of,” he suggested. The idea caught her interest at once. Partly because it meant for that week, at least, he’d refrain from disappearing to hunt humans. Plus, it’d be more time away from the house when he’d actually be willing to touch her. Then there was the simple fact that she liked knowing he enjoyed watching her do something as basic as feeding. 

He’d watched her hunt before, eyes filled with lust. It made her feel powerful. And wanted. She’d welcome his presence anytime. Particularly after his repeated rebuffs when they were near her family. He’d not budged an inch on touch while around them -- despite witnessing how the others freely touched and kissed their mates.

“What are you guys whispering about over there?” Trinity asked.

“I’m trying to convince Renesmee to wear a sexy little costume for me on Halloween,” Nahuel replied, the words making Mae’s mouth pop open in shock.

“Yeah, right!” Trinity snarked.

“She never shows off like that,” Jackie agreed, chuckling.

It was true. Mae never wore overly revealing clothing. Even when they went out. Her looks already drew enough attention. She didn’t particularly wish to draw anymore, preferring to focus on other things instead when interacting with people.

“You two don’t think you could convince her -- for my sake?” Nahuel asked, giving his best puppy eyes. The two girls melted at the sight.

“I bet we could come up with something she’d go along with,” Jackie said, giving Mae a hopeful look. 

Guess she’d be dressing up this year. It certainly wasn’t the most daring thing he’d asked of her. Perhaps she should be grateful.

~

“Well? Sexy enough?” Mae asked, twirling in a circle then glancing down at her costume. A black corset with a short red skirt and a red hooded cloak. The corset was Rose’s and the skirt was Alice’s, and considering she was noticeably shorter than Mae, the skirt was practically miniscule on her. The only thing she’d had to pick up was the cloak to finish off her Little Red Riding Hood look.

“I could eat you up,” Nahuel said, moving to kiss her, his hands slipping down her back to cup her butt and pull her tighter against him. 

They’d met on campus, and Mae felt a little uncomfortable with the way he was groping her in the yard of a frat house. At least she wasn’t the only one with a handsy guy in the immediate vicinity.

“So you like it then,” she teased, running a finger down his bare chest, and using her palm to push away from him a little. She loved that he’d decided to wear his old clothes tonight and pretend it was a costume. He’d been wearing modern clothes for so much of their time together that she was starting to forget he’d once dressed differently.

“Yes, though I’d like it more if you’d picked something with me in mind,” he said casually, hands beginning to roam up towards her chest.

“I did -- you said we were hunting later, so…” she explained, pulling free of him. It took a moment, then, when combined with his earlier comment, she understood. “Oh, I get it,” she breathed, meeting his eyes.

“You really weren’t thinking of Jacob?” he asked, surprised.

Not once had they discussed Jacob in the last year. As Mae and Jake’s conversations tapered off to nothing, she mentioned him less and less to Nahuel. He knew she used to have the biggest crush on the wolf, but Mae assumed he’d believe she got over it when she stopped talking about him. Either he’d not forgotten, or someone in her family had given him a reason to believe there was still something between her and Jake.

The idea that he was jealous brought home the fact that they had some growing pains. This misunderstanding was her fault for not speaking up sooner to clarify. 

“No, I don’t think about him,” Mae said, attempting to rectify the situation. She opened her mouth to explain further, but he spoke before she could.

“All right. Are you ready to go in then?” he said, brushing the whole misunderstanding away as if it were nothing and needed no further discussion. If things had been reversed, she’d have needed far more reassurance.

It was yet another example of their growing pains. There was something just a little bit off between them. But, she chalked it up to being normal, and just how it was in the beginning of a new relationship. It wasn’t like she’d ever let it get to this point before to know any better. 

They went into the party, and while it was fun, their conversation beforehand lingered, unsettling her with the thoroughness of eating spoiled food. In the end, she begged off hunting, just wanting the night to end so they could start anew in the morning.

~

December

Mae was ready to pull her hair out. Stress had tightened her muscles into knotted springs. Finals were the next week, and she was nowhere near ready for them. She had projects and papers due in every class, and she’d not even started most of them. Nahuel consumed the majority of her time. And when she wasn’t with him, she was working at the gallery or out with other friends. 

Apparently balance was a skill she did not possess, and would need to learn. Jasper said Bella was the same so at least she came by it honestly -- not that it helped her any. She had to get a handle on things. Quickly too, if she didn’t want to fail her classes.

The only positive, was the note she’d found when she got home from her last class of the day.

_Renesmee,_

_Jazz and I are spending the weekend on a long hunting trip. We’ll be back Monday or Tuesday. Take advantage of the lack of distractions, and good luck with your work. We love you._

_Mom_

Mae was still clutching the missive when she scented Nahuel’s approach. He came up behind her, reading the note over her shoulder as his arms encircled her waist. Shock at the unexpected contact froze her. From the way his face was pressed against her neck, she could feel when he smiled at the meaning of the words. Oh. No interruptions. No need to worry about her fathers. 

Oh! The letter suddenly took on a whole new meaning.

“Hmm. The place to ourselves,” he remarked meaningfully.

“Unfortunately, she’s right. I need to get some work done,” Mae sighed, tilting her head back to rest against his shoulder, reluctant to abandon this rare moment.

“You’re wound far too tight to focus. Let me help with that,” he coaxed, his fingers flicking open the button on her jeans.

Mae sucked in a sharp breath, her heart beginning to race. Nahuel paused, waiting for her to object, but when she didn’t, he eased his dark hand down her stomach and farther, disappearing beneath the fabric.

Every inch of her vibrated with anxious tension. They’d never done this before. Never done anything more than kiss throughout their seven month relationship. He’d sensed she wasn’t ready and hadn’t pushed. 

But now… why shouldn’t she allow this? Just imagining what it would feel like was wonderful. Every new stretch of skin his hand passed over electrified. It was time.

She hardly dared to breathe as anticipation set in. Butterflies fluttered and danced in her middle, a flurry of activity. Nahuel’s breathing sounded as rough as her own as he exhaled by her ear.

“Oh!” Mae exclaimed when he boldly cupped her, using the heel of his palm to apply firm pressure and friction against the little bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs.

The tip of his finger slowly traced her entrance, dipping teasingly in then returning to tracing the opening. Nahuel chuckled an almost purring sound when she moaned and rolled her hips, seeking out more contact with his hand.

“That’s it, my Renesmee. Rub yourself against me. Take what you want,” he encouraged, his voice a heated caress against her ear.

Tentatively, she rocked her hips, pressing against his hand. He rewarded her by slipping his finger deeply inside her channel, pulling out only to plunge back in over and over again.

“Mmh,” Mae moaned again, her head falling forward. Nahuel’s other arm looped around to cup and knead her breast, holding her tightly against him and arousing her further. 

His arms were the steel safety harnesses that held one in on a rollercoaster. That’s what it felt like they were doing. Riding a rollercoaster. Inching higher and higher, anticipation rising with them, preparing for the inevitable plummet ahead.

For several aching minutes, Nahuel played her body, strumming it like a guitar. All the while, Mae ground against his hand, riding the building friction. At some point, her hands came up to grip his arms, her nails digging in as she held on tightly.

Then suddenly all the tension and stress shattered, falling away like the jagged pieces of a broken window. Her breathing was as ragged and fractured as the shards freeing her. Only Nahuel’s arms held her upright and prevented her from face-planting. 

Nahuel placed a gentle kiss on her neck. The small action bringing her back to the present. A memory of a conversation years ago with her Aunt Rose surfaced murkily in her mind. Something about reciprocity.

Slowly, Mae slipped her rubbery, practically boneless hands over the length of Nahuel’s arms. Turning, she continued to trace her shaky fingertips over his chest and down towards the waistband of his pants, but he caught her pale hands in his larger ones, stopping her.

“This was probably more overwhelming and significant than you’ve allowed yourself to acknowledge. Let’s leave this as all about you for tonight. We can revisit me tomorrow,” he suggested, giving her the tenderest look he ever had before. It made her breath catch for the uptenth time since he’d arrived.

“Yeah, um, okay,” she agreed, still dazed from the flood of endorphins her climax had released.

“I’ll leave you to your work, then, shall I? You seem to be more relaxed, so perhaps now you can focus,” he said, his trademark smirk returning.

Once she was alone in the house, Mae made her way into the living room and sunk onto the sofa. Her legs still felt a little unsteady.

So that just happened. Mae’s scattered thoughts slowly gathered, returning gradually in bits and pieces. Including one naggingly persistent one filled with disappointment that the experience hadn’t been more romantic. Standing, fully clothed in her parent’s kitchen was hardly the stuff of dreams and fairytales even if it had felt nice in the moment.

~

The Monday after her first two finals was a little better. That at least involved the couch. She’d stopped him from going into her bedroom, worried she’d get caught up in the moment and things would go too far if they were already in bed. 

They’d spent the weekend apart. She’d avoided him because she really did have to focus, and there wasn’t time for anything else. The delay seemed to make this encounter seem even better. The wait, unintentional foreplay.

The best part had been when he’d allowed her to explore and pleasure him, she’d enjoyed herself immensely. There was power in making a strong man come so completely undone, and knowing she was the one responsible for it. Not to mention, the way his body had responded to her was fascinating.

Despite that, she had to admit there was something lacking. Being with Nahuel wasn’t epic. There was desire, but perhaps not true passion. Things were a little too forced. They were just a little too different. And always she felt guilty that he was trying so hard to change in order to fit into her world. She’d tried to change for him too, but it often made her too uncomfortable to ditch her morales so completely as he preferred.

Not ten minutes after Nahuel left, however, Edward arrived. This was the first time she could recall seeing him at the cabin she shared with Bella and Jasper. He wouldn’t look at her. That alone told her all she needed to know.

“We are not having this conversation,” Mae stated firmly.

“His thoughts were practically screaming at me,” Edward said tonelessly, head turned to stare at the wall. Anywhere but directly at his daughter. No wonder Nahuel had so adamantly refused before now to do anything so close to home.

“So don’t listen to what you don’t want to hear,” Mae said pointedly. It didn’t matter that she knew that wasn’t an option for him. It chaffed that this was happening at all. 

They’d talked about this a number of times over the years. He knew it would happen eventually. He’d had time to mentally brace himself. It wasn’t up to her to stay chaste and pure forever just because he couldn’t deal.

The last thing she wanted was to hurt her dad. But she couldn’t avoid living her life for his sake.

“He initiated it,” Edward said, putting words to his primary concern.

“I could have stopped him, but I didn’t want to. You have to respect that I’m not a little girl anymore,” Mae insisted, watching as Edward shuttered, his eyes closing in denial of the unwanted knowledge, even if he had been the one to seek out answers.

“He shouldn’t be pushing for more before you’re ready,” he replied flatly. “You don’t lo--”

“I am ready! I wasn’t born or raised in the nineteenth century. Things are different now. I’m allowed to be a sexual being, and I have the freedom to explore myself without condemnation from society -- it’s just you that’s the problem!” Mae yelled, crossing her arms defensively. 

She hated that she had to defend her actions. It wasn’t like she was being promiscuous or reckless. She was having a healthy and normal relationship with one person. Nahuel. She’d known him forever. Had a crush on him on and off for years. They’d been in together for over half a year. Nearly as long as the entirety of Bella and Edward’s relationship when they were actually together -- during which time they also got married and conceived her. At least she was being careful to avoid that.

“Renesmee… I wasn’t trying --”

Jasper and Bella arrived, slipping into the house and coming to a stop together so they formed the points of a triangle. Based on the expressions her parents wore, they’d heard and deduced enough of the conversation to understand why she and Edward were arguing. 

Great. Now two more people were butting in and making decisions for her.

“But that is precisely what you’re doing. You’re not respecting my right to decide what I can and can’t do with my body. But it is mine, and no one else gets to decide what is right for me, except me,” Mae declared, choosing to ignore her parents’ untimely arrival for now.

“He’s just worried about you, Poppet. Keep in mind, that while you’re growing and changing so quickly, the rest of us are lagging -- chasing behind as we attempt to catch up. Maybe try explaining your side to Edward in the future. He’s not so hardheaded that he’d try to forbid you something once he understands that you need it to be happy. Right, Edward?” Jasper inserted, using his gift to sooth the tension in the room. 

Maybe his joining them was actually a blessing. He was the most reasonable of her parents. Of course, no one had ever given him a reason not to be. Somehow she had a feeling that it would be an entirely different story if someone ever did.

“Yes,” Edward choked out, the word, covered in tiny barbs latched and caught on the delicate flesh of his throat and mouth as it was pulled unwillingly from him.

“But I have to ask, you are being safe, cor--” Jasper began, only to be interrupted by two voices speaking over one another.

“She isn’t having --” Edward revealed, confessing to exactly how much he’d seen in Nahuel’s mind, because she’d been careful not to let her thoughts stray for even an instant since he’d shown up.

“I’m not!” Mae said, even as she broke down Edward’s words.

“Not yet. But Bella told me what Carlisle said. There’s a chance you could get pregnant, and I’m sorry, but I don’t think you’re ready for that,” Jasper stated. He broke away from Bella’s side to approach Mae, tenderly cupping her cheek as he continued speaking. “So as your father, I have to ask, Mae, are you prepared to be careful? Have you discussed if condoms would even work with him? He’s venomous, so they might not. These are things you need to be able to discuss openly if you’re going to have an adult relationship.”

Mae broke eye contact to glance at her other two parents. Bella was smiling softly, happy at the idea that her daughter seemed to have found the happiness she herself had, and ready to support any decision Mae made. Her mom would always be in her corner, ready and willing to take on the world as well as either of her fathers if necessary to support her. 

But Edward, well, he was a different story. He looked agonized, not at the idea of her growing up. No this was something far worse for him. It was at the potential consequences that could result from her new activities. She knew without him saying that he was recalling Bella’s disastrous pregnancy. Both of her fathers were.

“Yes,” Mae promised. “It won’t be like with Mom if it ever happens. I promise, Dad, Papa. And I promise I’ll talk to Grandpa and figure things out before they go that far.”

~

January

_I’ll wait for you._

The single line text from Jacob threw her. She didn’t understand it. Didn’t dare read too much into it either. She couldn’t even bring herself to respond.

Instead, she put it from her mind and went back to living her life as she had been prior to receiving the enigmatic message.

~

April

Mae sat up, grinning as she took in Nahuel’s sprawled form in the clearing they’d found. He was breathing heavily from their activities, a pleased smile curling his wide lips. Mae could still taste his release on her tongue. It made her wonder what it would be like for someone to use their mouth on her. Nahuel couldn’t. Not with his venomous teeth. He still never even used his tongue when he kissed her. 

They’d discussed it several times since they were in Chile, and he’d admitted that the scent of her blood, stronger from the way her heart raced faster when they kissed was too much to ignore. His mouth filled with excess venom anytime they kissed, or touched, even worse than it had initially. Occasionally, particularly since they’d begun fooling around in December, it would get so intense, he’d have to leave and hunt in the middle of things.

Years ago, Mae had spoken to Seth about this very issue, and she recalled him mentioning that with the right person, it wouldn’t matter that their physical interactions were limited. The fact that Mae was starting to feel like she was missing out, was extremely telling. She and Nahuel seemed to be growing apart, rather than closer as time went on.

The knowledge that she was somehow playing a part in a person losing their life, in addition to the conversation she’d had with her parents about accidental pregnancies was enough to keep her from engaging in anything sexual with Nahuel very often, even after Carlisle had said condoms would work since vampire semen itself wasn’t venomous. Not to mention it wasn’t always easy to find privacy, and Nahuel was more afraid of her fathers than ever...

“Do you like living with your family?” he asked lazily, turning his head to see her.

“Usually,” she admitted.

“Not always?” he prodded.

“It’d be nice to be seen as just another member, and have the freedoms the others have, but I understand they have trouble not remembering me as a child,” she explained, voicing the only ongoing issue she had with her family. Aside from that, they were incredible.

“Do you think that might change if you lived separately?”

“Possibly, but I don't really want to live in the dorms. I like having my own room,” she said, letting him pull her down to lay against his side, her head pillowed on his chest.

“What if we were to get a place together?” Nahuel asked softly, running his fingers through her hair. The question was deceptively casual.

“Like move in, and live together? Us?” Mae asked, baffled that he’d make such a suggestion.

“Is that such a strange idea?”

“I don’t know. That’s pretty major,” she said, trying to gently steer him away from wanting that.

“Your family would understand, if that’s what is holding you back. They all support you finding your mate and being happy,” he said more insistently, wrapping his arms around her to draw her closer. He’d begun speaking in what she’d privately termed his persuasive voice. It was always so hard to think and get her point across when he sounded like that. It made her want to be reckless and throw caution to the wind instead.

“It’s not just my family’s opinions that I’m worried about. You caught me off guard here. I’d not realized we were even approaching this point yet,” Mae confessed.

“Perhaps this fall, during the new school year -- your last one before you graduate. That gives you four months to wrap that pretty little head around the idea,” he said, ruffling her curls.

“You really want to… live together?” she questioned. Yikes. Just the thought of the lack of privacy was overwhelming. She knew with her parents’ senses that she didn’t really have any now, but it’d be different with a significant other. A complete invasion of one another. An irreversible twining of their lives.

“It would mean the world to me. Not to mention making this,” he said, slipping his hand down to cup her breast, squeezing gently, “much easier to indulge in.”

There was that to consider. But was it really an incentive or actually an excuse not to?

~

May

“So you’re Renesmee.” The greeting caught Mae off guard, and she spun to see a blonde-haired, blue-eyed woman in her grandparents’ house. 

Mae had known to expect her. Nahuel had mentioned she arrived late the night before, and had spent the morning with Carlisle at the hospital having a series of tests done. Nerves over meeting more of Nahuel’s family had meant she tuned out most of what he’d said the other day when he’d told her about the upcoming visit. She’d basically only registered that Jennifer would be visiting that weekend.

“Hello, Jennifer,” Mae greeted warmly, extending her hand to shake. She’d hurried home to introduce herself once her classes were over.

“I can see why my brother would upend his entire life,” Jennifer said, surveying Mae closely and raising a brow at her hovering hand. Mae glanced to Esme for assistance, but her grandmother just winced and offered an encouraging smile.

Mae dropped her hand, giving up, and declaring, “I never asked him to do that.”

“Regardless, you let him,” Jennifer said, making her opinion clear. They’d only ever spoken the one time, but it was quickly becoming clear that they’d never be friends. 

“You live in Ohio?” Mae tried.

“I do,” Jennifer said dryly, annoyed by Mae’s efforts at small talk.

“Is it a permanent residence or a more traditional nomadic lifestyle,” Mae inquired, trying to keep the conversation going. Jennifer seemed unwilling to contribute. At least Nahuel should already be on his way home. His class only let out an hour after hers.

“Joham provided me with a house, but I keep to myself. Occasionally my sisters visit for extended periods of time,” Jennifer said, relaxing a little to open up some.

“I didn’t realize you guys were close,” Mae said, smiling tentatively.

“With Maysun more than Serena,” Jennifer acknowledged, nodding. “Though Serena has been helping me a lot lately. She’s been very supportive the last couple of years.”

“We’re not that far apart. You’re welcome to visit as often as you’d like,” Esme said, always the gracious host. “I’d hate for you to get lonely keeping to yourself so much.”

“Thank you. I’m sure we’ll have many reasons to in the coming years,” Jennifer said much more optimistically, even producing a genuine smile in thanks for the invitation. Esme had that effect on people. 

“Do you have any hobbies?” Mae asked, encouraged by this new side Esme had gotten Jennifer to reveal.

“Just attempting to have a child. Despite the fun in trying, I’m still not having any luck. That’s what Serena is helping me with,” Jennifer said, sighing forlornly. But then she perked up, adding, “Once you and Nahuel conceive, we should be able to learn more.”

“We’re not trying to have a baby,” Mae denied fervently, holding her hands up to stop Jennifer and Esme from voicing any more incorrect assumptions, or as if her hands could form a physical barrier that prevented Jennifer’s hopes from coming to fruition.

“Why not? There’s no reason to put it off, especially if it doesn’t happen right away,” Jennifer said, confusion making her face pinch as she looked from Mae to Esme for an explanation.

“Nahuel and I are absolutely not trying to have a child,” Mae repeated, wondering where she’d gotten such an idea from.

“That’s awfully selfish of you. You’re the only hybrid couple, and both Serena and Carlisle could really use the information the two of you could provide to help me,” Jennifer said, mouth tightening in suppressed anger as her lips thinned to form a narrow red slash. 

Mae understood that she’d been trying, unsuccessfully, for approximately seventeen years now. If she was like her sisters, she had roughly three years left to conceive. It was a difficult position to be in. But that did not mean Mae was going to rush into something just to help her. Not something this life changing that she could never come back from.

“There is so much wrong with what you just said, I honestly don’t even know where to start with that,” Mae muttered, shaking her head in disbelief.

“Now I’m the one confused. Nahuel did tell you why I was coming, didn’t he?” Jennifer asked, forehead wrinkling.

“He said you wanted to meet me, and talk to my grandfather since he might be able to help you,” Mae said cautiously, an unwelcome suspicion forming as she took in Jennifer’s genuine dismay at her words.

“I’m sure there was just a miscommunication somewhere along the way,” Esme said, moving to place a caring hand on Jennifer’s shoulder. Mae watched as the woman’s face crumbled.

“I’m sorry if he gave you a different impression. I’m not ready to even think about having a child. If DNA tests or anything else like that can help Carlisle help you, sure, but that’s where it ends,” Mae said gently, regretting hurting the woman, but knowing frank honesty was the best option.

Mae absently watched as Esme attempted to distract Jennifer. Her mind was struggling to process the revelations that had just been made. Somehow it felt as though she were adding two plus two, and ending up with seven. No matter how she tried to rationalize the situation, she couldn’t.

She was immensely glad that the other members of her family were doing their own thing, and not around yet by the time Nahuel returned. She didn’t really want her family learning anything about this until after she heard his side of the story. It could just be a simple miscommunication, as Esme suggested. She wouldn’t know for certain until they spoke.

The second Nahuel arrived, she opened the passenger side door and slid in.

“Let’s go to the park for a bit,” she said, the suggestion more of a command. 

“Renesmee?”

“Please, Nahuel,” she requested quietly, not looking at him.

“All right,” he agreed, backing out of the drive and heading towards the park.

Mae waited until he’d put the car in park to speak, asking, “Did you tell your sister we’d try to have a child so she could figure out how to have one herself?”

“I was hoping after you met her, that you might consider it,” he admitted. “It means so much to her, and I know how much you like helping others.”

“That’s not the kind of thing that gets decided on a whim,” Mae hissed, glaring at him.

“I’m over a hundred and fifty years old, Renesmee. I see your family, and I want one of my own. I want to be part of your family. I’ve waited so long, and just being surrounded by yours this last year has brought me so much happiness, that I hardly miss all that I gave up to be here,” he confessed, reaching to take hold of her hand. “A decision I made on a whim, if you recall.”

“That’s not where I’m at. I’m still getting to know you. And truthfully, those aren’t good enough reasons to bring a child into the world. Not for me,” Mae said, pulling her hand free and leaning back against the car door to add some additional space between them. Hurt flashed across his face, and it wounded her deeply to be the cause of it.

“You don’t want to try and build a family with me?” he asked quietly, voice catching painfully on the word family.

“Not right now -- not because it’s what your sister wants. Not when it might mean risking my life the way our mothers did! Have you considered that? The fact that I might not survive it,” Mae demanded. There were so many reasons not to do this. These were just the first few that she could list.

“I believe your family has enough medical knowledge to prevent that,” he said, making it clear he’d already considered that issue and decided her life was worth gambling. 

Obviously he was just as in love with her as she was with him. Which was to say they weren’t. Despite trying to love him, wanting to love him, opening herself up to the possibility of loving him… she simply didn’t. And never would.

This had to be some sort of misunderstanding. They must not be making their respective points very well. She refused to believe that after a year together this was where they were at.

“Regardless, it’s not happening anytime soon,” Mae stated, finality in her words. “I can’t believe you let your sister ambush me with this.”

“I want you bound irrevocably to me. Even though Edward and Bella are no longer together, they are in each other’s lives -- forever -- because of you,” Nahuel said, revealing ulterior motives that she didn’t particularly care for.

Jasper would kill him if he found out about this. Mae didn’t doubt it for a second.

“How long is Jennifer staying?”

“Just until tomorrow night,” he said, frowning as he watched her. Perfect.

“I think you should go back with her when she leaves, spend some time together this summer,” Mae suggested.

“Renesmee?”

“I need some time to think. We seem to be on very different pages, heading in very different directions, and I’m not sure what that means for us -- if we even have a future at all,” Mae said, resolution firm.

“Will you at least try to come around to my way of thinking?” he requested, the wound her refusal had dealt clearly visible in every tense line of his body.

She hated that it had come to this. Hated that they wanted different things. Only a month ago he’d asked her to live with him, and she could still recall baulking at the idea. If that was the case, there was no way she could ever willingly make the decision to have a child with him. And didn’t that say everything she needed to know?

“I promise to take everything into consideration and make a decision that gives all of us the best chance at happiness,” Mae vowed. “B--”

“That’s all I can ask for,” Nahuel agreed, nodding, seeming to miss that she’d been about to say more. She doubted he truly understood what she’d really been saying even as he studied her closely. Then he surprised her by asking, “Renesmee, are you ending things?”

“Yes. That’s exactly what is happening right now.”


	14. 14: All things must come to an end, at least once you figure out they’re not the right things - Jacob

Author’s Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think! 

The theme song for this chapter is _In My Veins_ by Andrew Belle.

PS I’m not Stephenie Meyer, so I don’t own anything :(

~

Ch 14: All things must come to an end, at least once you figure out they’re not the right things - Jacob

Year 7 - 2012-2013

July

Jacob ended up spending a week sleeping on Aiden and Leah’s couch. Leah had rolled her eyes and said she knew he’d be wanting payback eventually. It didn’t even matter that Nat was out of town. Jacob did not have the strength or energy to return to the home he’d once shared with her. Nor did he particularly wish to be alone. 

The worst part about everything was that he missed her. All the time. Natalie had been a central figure in his life for years now, and he found himself moving to call or text her to tell her about something or another countless times a day. The loss was a dull ache that refused to stop throbbing. A massive, painful bruise repeatedly bumped. She’d burrowed so deep into his heart that while cutting her out was possible, doing so left him bleeding in a dark corner.

She didn’t call him either, which in a way, was a good sign. They both knew from that last conversation that it was over between them, even though it hurt. At least Natalie would be able to move on. He wanted that for her, even if Jacob didn’t have the same luxury.

Just thinking of Ness threw him. They’d never been together. They rarely talked these last few years. Yet it felt as if a piece of his very soul had been hacked away when she’d chosen Nahuel. He didn’t blame her for making that decision. Not in the least. Regardless, it left him a shade of himself. Losing her didn’t just leave him bleeding. A person can heal from a wound like that. It just took time to scab, and probably would leave a scar. A little reminder to carry with him always. Missing out on an opportunity with Ness, however, had hollowed him out, shredding his very essence. It was an injury that no amount of time could heal.

He’d assumed that because of the imprint, he’d simply be happy knowing that she was. Her desires would become his. He wasn’t, and they didn’t. Well, yeah, he was glad she was happy -- he’d never wish for her to be miserable simply because he cared far too much for her. And she deserved the same chance she’d given him. But it didn’t make him hurt less the way he’d always assumed he would. 

And to think, he’d been afraid imprinting would take away his free will. Surprisingly, it didn’t. Imprinting didn’t change a thing. He cared about Ness because she was worth caring about. Every conversation or story he was told about her proved that. And he would have regardless of the imprinting. That just sort of pointed him in a direction that could have potentially made him happy. But he’d resisted because of the circumstances. He still couldn’t bring himself to regret that. He didn’t think he’d see her as anything more than a friend if he’d watched her grow up, and he wanted the feelings he now experienced -- even if they hurt.

He could have been happy with Natalie too. They had been in the beginning. Back before a miniscule, fortune telling vampire had meddled and forced him to see possibilities he hadn’t expected. Maybe if he’d truly cut ties with his past, they’d still be together, but this was probably better in the long run. He didn’t want to give up those pieces of himself. They made him a better version of himself.

The call, when it came, instantly became an unpleasant, and almost dreadful distraction from the constant moping.

“Jake? Dad’s in the hospital,” Rachel said, voice muffled with tears.

“What happened?” Jacob demanded.

“He started losing weight this last month -- a lot of weight -- and today… he just… collapsed,” she said. He could hear Paul in the background talking to Thomas.

“Have you talked to a doctor? Has anyone told you anything?” Jacob asked, beginning to gather his things from his office and a few folders on the projects he was working on.

“No. N-nothing yet,” Rachel said, hiccuping as she spoke.

“I’ll be there later tonight. Message me when you hear anything,” Jacob requested, hanging up and heading to his boss’s office.

His boss had been very understanding and willing to accommodate him with a potential extended leave of absence. Particularly after Jacob had volunteered to continue working remotely. Most of what this job entailed was done from a computer anyways. Which was part of the reason he figured one day he’d change careers. He hoped to be a little more involved and hands on one day -- maybe in a few decades he’d be up for the challenge of cultivating a new interest. Though he’d settle for something similar if he could just get back into his hobbies outside of work. 

Within an hour, Jacob was packed and at the airport. He’d bought a ticket in the Lyft on the way, and now had three hours to kill before his flight. Rachel hadn’t called back, so he assumed there was no word yet.

Idly, he realized he’d needed to go back home and start making arrangements for when the year was up anyways, so this trip might end up serving two purposes, or three if you counted giving him space to get his head on straight again. There was so much to do -- work out logistics with Sam, find a place to live, interview for jobs, take care of his father.

He messaged Natalie while he waited, not knowing if she’d return before him, and not wanting her to worry or freak out. There was still so much they’d not worked out officially. I’m not sure when you’re returning, but my dad is in the hospital, so I’ll be in La Push for a while. Don’t worry about the apartment -- Aiden will check on it and I have autopay still set up to take care of the bills.

His phone rang less than a minute later, and his lips twitched involuntarily as he answered. 

“What happened, Jake? Is Billy all right?” she asked sleepily.

“Did my message wake you?” he asked, surprised. It was only just midnight there. She ordinarily stayed up later.

“Is he? Are you?” she repeated, ignoring his question. Nat always was good in a crisis.

“I don’t know. I haven’t heard anything yet,” he admitted quietly, slumping further into the hard plastic chair. “I’m still at the airport.” 

“I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?” she asked, her concern nearly making him cry. It was welcomingly familiar, and he felt so helpless. His dad had always been larger than life. A solid, immovable pillar. Not even spending years in a wheelchair had diminished the strength Jacob attributed to him.

“No, but thanks, Nat. It means a lot that you’d offer,” he said thickly.

“Oh, Jake. Of course. Keep me updated, okay?” she requested. “Or just call if you need to talk.”

“Thanks,” he sighed, hanging up and letting his head fall back, staring up into the bright light and blinking back the stinging moisture in his eyes.

~

July

Jacob had been in La Push for over a week now, and Billy was still in the hospital. At first, they’d declared it was simply low blood sugar because of his diabetes, and they’d actually sent him home. Paul and Rachel already had Billy settled in back at the house by the time Jake’s plane landed and Quil had driven him from Seattle to La Push.

Except the next day Billy had passed out again, and Jacob had taken him right back to the hospital and demanded they run some tests to figure out the problem. Billy had been managing his diabetes just fine for years. There was no way he’d have two incidents related to it in as many days. Particularly not when you added in the rapid weight loss symptom when his diet and exercise, as in none, had stayed the same.

That had been eight days ago.

Every test came back negative, yet Billy was still losing weight. Paul swore it was a parasite from all the fish Billy ate or even the act of fishing. He wouldn’t let go of the idea even after the blood and stool tests came back clear. Rachel was worried it was cancer, but the doctors had ruled that out as well. The most likely diagnosis that they were currently debating between today was some sort of unintentional metal poisoning from consuming too many toxic fish or a new food allergy. Jake thought the latter unlikely. How many people developed a brand new food allergy in their fifties after eating the same thing all their lives?

Jake was set up in a corner of the hospital room working. He refused to leave until he had answers. The nurse had been intimidated by his size, and remembered Carlisle, so they’d allowed him to stay.

“You don’t have to stay here every moment, Jacob,” Billy muttered for the countless time that week, but it lacked any real heat, and Jake knew his dad was grateful to have his son’s support. Jake sensed just how worried Billy was starting to get.

“Tired of my company already, Old Man?” Jacob teased, trying to lighten his dad’s mood.

“I know you’ve got things to do back home,” Billy said with a nod at the papers on the floor at Jake’s feet.

“Hate to break it to you, but I’m not just here for you,” Jacob quipped, spinning his computer around to show the houses he was looking at on Zillow. He’d gotten his loan pre-approved a couple days ago, but so far he’d not found what he was looking for.

“You’re buying a house?” Billy asked, craning his neck to get a closer look at the computer screen.

“Yep,” Jacob said, grinning at his ability to still surprise his father.

“Where?” Billy asked gruffly.

“I was looking in Port Angeles, but that’s a bit more of a commute to Seattle than I’d like,” Jacob said casually, watching for Billy’s reaction, and relishing in the way his dad’s jaw dropped open.

“You’re moving home?” Billy asked slowly, cautiously.

“Close to it anyways,” Jacob confirmed.

“When?”

“Next summer, but I’m getting everything ready now,” Jacob said, grinning openly. He was excited, and hoping to meet with a realtor the next week if Billy was doing better by then.

“What does Natalie think of this plan?” Billy asked dubiously.

“We broke up,” Jacob announced, hating that he knew how happy this bit of news would make his father.

“Oh?” he asked probbingly, and with false concern.

“Stop,” Jacob warned.

“Hmm?”

“It’s all right. I know you’re thrilled.”

“I didn’t say a word,” Billy denied, holding up his hands in surrender.

“You didn’t need to,” Jacob said, lips pressing together to form a thin line as he bit back the words his dad wasn’t up to hearing just then. Billy had never tried to like Natalie, and that had been one of the issues that had plagued their relationship from the start. “You’ve made your feelings quite well known.”

“So now that -- What’s the word, Doc?” Billy asked, switching topics when the doctor came in. Dr. Wilson was an older man with white hair and numerous wrinkles. Billy didn’t sound like he actually expected any news, but more like he wanted to circumvent Jacob’s expected interrogation.

“We’re leaning towards allergy, but you’re going to need to see a specialist in Seattle for confirmation,” he declared.

“What is it you think he’s suddenly allergic to?” Jacob demanded, letting his doubt leak in and paint his words. “And are you only saying it’s an allergy because you can’t come up with any other diagnosis?”

“We aren’t sure,” the doctor admitted. “There’s no way to say for certain until more tests are run, and we don’t have the resources here. That’s why I’m recommending you see a doctor that deals with similar cases.”

“That’s going to make eating a bit challenging, isn’t it?” Billy asked dryly, trying to pretend it was no big deal and the doctor chuckled, nodding in agreement.

“Typically, the best treatment for this is to limit the variety of foods you’re consuming. You’ll have a list of approved items and you’ll restrict what you eat to that list. Then each week, you’ll add a few new things and see when your symptoms flare up again,” he explained.

“That sounds like a shot in the dark,” Jacob accused.

“And what if my symptoms don’t pop up again?” Billy asked, already looking forward to getting back to business as usual.

“That’s unlikely, but possible. This is our best course of action regardless,” Dr. Wilson explained, adding, “We’ll also be giving you some supplements that will help you absorb more of the nutrients that you’re consuming.”

“How soon can we get in to see the specialist?” Jacob questioned, wanting definitive answers as soon as possible.

“I already called, and the soonest he can get you in is next Friday,” Dr. Wilson said, frowning, but shrugging as though this was to be expected. Billy nodded, but Jacob was already making plans to call Seth and check this out in the meantime. Possibly Carlisle as well. Except he’d promised his dad not to tell any of them because his dad didn’t want to stir everyone up into a panic if it turned out to be nothing major wrong after all.

“Does that mean I’m stuck here until then?” Billy asked suddenly, looking horrified by the prospect.

“No, a nurse will be by to go over what you can eat in the meantime, and we’ll go ahead and get you checked out so you can get back home. Then after you meet with Dr. Bradshaw, he’ll fax me the results and we can talk again.”

“Great. Let’s get this over with then,” Billy suggested, hurrying it along.

~

August

“Hello?” Jacob asked into the phone, not recognizing the number.

“Hello, Mutt.” The droll, whip-like barb startled him. 

Jacob was speechless for several seconds before he asked, “Blondie?”

“Who else would call you mutt so fondly,” she quipped, confirming his suspicions. 

“This is a surprise,” Jake remarked, chuckling a little.

“Are you ready to rejoin family yet?” she demanded sounding utterly annoyed and impatient. “San Diego can’t be that appealing.”

“I agreed to work for Philips for a year if they paid for grad school,” he reminded her, aware that Seth had already informed the family as much. They’d talked about it a few times. He couldn’t leave right now even if he wanted to. And after how understanding they were being about him taking care of his dad, he didn’t want to be so discourteous to them as to quit early.

Silently, he added, I also have a life. He wasn’t Rosalie’s puppet. Plus there was the fact that he was still in La Push, and not even currently in San Diego. Not to mention he already intended to move to Washington, not Wyoming. Watching Ness and Nahuel wasn’t his idea of a good time. He’d leave masochistic pursuits to Edward. They were more his domain.

“So?” she huffed, clearly not caring. Of course in her mind, she probably just saw the Cullens paying off his debt so she could have what she wanted, his commitments be damned. It was a very Rosalie assumption to make.

“What’s the rush? I figured you’d rejoice at having me at a distance,” Jake prodded, curious as to what brought this call about. They’d not talked once since he moved from La Push. They’d been tentatively building a friendship beforehand, but it had faded without either side putting any effort into maintaining it.

“Seth has already ruined the furniture. What’s one more dog?” she said breezily.

“Such a tempting offer,” Jake teased, missing her wicked sense of humor. She was never afraid to go for blood. It was actually what he admired most about her. She was good for keeping his own witty comebacks sharp.

“Forever is a long time. Maybe I’ll be nicer in a few centuries,” Rosalie offered, as if that vague promise would actually bring him running to Wyoming.

“Hmm,” he hummed, stifling his laughter at her vanity. “What if I’m not planning to live forever?” 

“I call bullshit on that. I know you’re still phasing regularly. And I know you have the control to stop,” she relied, revealing that she’d kept closer tabs on him than he’d expected.

The truth was he didn’t want to stop. He’d come to love it. He loved the way the others looked up to him and depended on him -- making him want to lead rather than forcing him to do it. Loved the feel of it, the freedom. Loved guiding Leah through her transition, even if they were at the year mark and there were still no signs that she’d begun to age again.

“What brought this on?” Jacob asked curiously.

“Nahuel just moved here -- to be with Mae,” Rose said crossly. 

“I thought you preferred the idea of her being with him,” Jake said tentatively.

“That was before I got to know him,” she snapped, clearly having revised her opinion.

“Is she happy?” Jacob asked, concerned now. 

He knew Rosalie was opinionated, and hard to win over, but she’d at least be honest about that. Not to mention, she’d always have Nessie’s best interest at heart. Whatever else you could say about her, she loved her niece unconditionally.

“He’s a hybrid that hunts humans, was raised to hate himself, and lacks even the most basic socializing skills. What do you think?” Rosalie fired off. The hunting humans part bothered Jacob, but the rest didn’t actually sound like deal breakers. And none of that was a denial. Which meant these were Rosalie’s problems, not Ness’s. Perhaps Jacob could accept these complaints more easily because he already knew about all of them from when he’d met Nahuel for himself. He’d seemed like a good guy, and one that could offer Ness a measure of understanding no other could. “Look, Jacob, you’re going to miss your shot --”

“You know it’s not like that with us,” Jacob denied, more out of habit than anything. He’d been uttering the same canned phrase for years now.

“But it should be!” Rosalie cried, shocking him.

“Did you know I called her?” he asked, wondering if Nessie had shared that with her family. Seth hadn’t known whether she did or not, only that she definitely hadn’t told Alice.

“What? You always call. Now focus!” she hissed. A smacking sound rang through the phone, and he imagined her slamming her palm against a nearby surface in frustration.

“No, I mean I called in the spring -- before she left. I asked her point blank if he was who she wanted,” Jake confessed.

“I’m guessing from the current state of things, she lied to you,” Rosalie said, sighing dramatically.

“Bl--Rosalie, it can’t happen. She made her choice. She told me in no uncertain terms that she wanted him.”

“You’re a fool, Jacob Black,” Rosalie said, sounding almost regretful. “He’s not right for her.”

“Thanks. I miss you too,” Jake said mockingly.

“Hmph,” Rosalie huffed, disgruntled that her call hadn’t been more effective or had the desired result.

“She’s an adult now. It’s her right to live her life however she chooses,” Jacob reminded her.

He would not make the same mistake he’d once made with Bella. This time he would respect her choice, and not push where he was not wanted. All it had done was cause problems and muddy things up before. He’d not put Nessie through the same ordeal, not if he could help it. He cared far more for her than he ever did Bella, and he’d seen the way it tore at her. Inflicting that pain on Ness was not a choice he could live with.

~

September

_Hey. I know we haven’t talked much, but I wanted to let you know that I’ll be back in San Diego in two weeks. Will you be back by then?_

Jacob read the text from Natalie, smiling absently at the timing of it. He was heading back in three days, and had planned to message her when he got there. She’d messaged at least once a week to check in on his father, and he’d appreciated the support even as things between them came to an end. It had reminded him that while things hadn’t worked out, she’d been worth loving, and he was grateful for their years together.

_Yes. Have you worked out your living situation?_

When she’d messaged the week before, he’d suggested she plan on finding somewhere else to stay or letting him know if she’d rather keep the apartment, and he’d find someplace else.

She’d not replied at the time, so this seemed like a good time to bring it up again.

_I have a few ideas. I’ll run them past you when I get back. How’s your dad doing?_

_Better this week, thanks. He’s even gained a bit of the weight he lost back._

_That’s really good to hear. See you soon._

He really hoped she didn’t want to keep the apartment. He’d let her, since he was moving in a few months anyways, but it would suck to have to find a temporary place. Especially since most of his savings was tied up in the house he’d just put an offer on. And until he closed, he couldn’t make any big purchases.

There was a foreclosure in Port Gamble that was perfect, and he’d put an offer in on the spot. It was four bedrooms, three baths, right on the water, and surrounded by woods. The nearest neighbor was a mile away, and there was a huge three car garage. Best of all, the house was under an hour commute from the new job he’d be starting in August, and a right at two hours from his dad’s. He could visit during the week if he wanted, and easily spend weekends on the reservation. 

The house needed some serious work, one of the bathrooms had been completely gutted while another wasn’t in much better condition, and the kitchen, plumbing, and electricity all needed updating, but because of that, it was in his price range. He’d never thought to own anything so potentially nice, but he could see fixing it up and making it into a home then returning to it repeatedly over the years until it no longer stood. Doing so much of the work himself would make the place meaningful too. Same as Alice and Seth’s first house was. He wanted that too.

Plus, with his new job as an engineer for Alaskan Airlines, he’d only have to commute three days a week. The other two, he could work from home and get things done on the house throughout the day if he didn’t get finished during the month off he had arranged between jobs.

“What are you thinking about so intently?” Billy asked.

“Just the timing of everything, and figuring things out with Natalie,” Jacob replied absently, mind still on the house. He was ready to get started fixing it up, and hated that he’d have to wait a while longer.

“I thought you ended things,” he remarked, raising his eyebrows skeptically.

“I did, but we still share an apartment for now,” Jake said pointedly, giving his dad a once over. He needed to remind Rachel that she’d have to make sure he took the pills twice a day. Billy had a tendency to forget in the morning if he wasn’t reminded.

“When are you heading back?”

“I have to be in the office on Monday,” Jacob said regretfully. 

It had felt right being back home for an extended stay rather than a weekend visit. People had begun coming to him instead of Billy when they had a problem, and he’d had a chance to get to know Jax and Nicky better. The two young wolves had loved running with him and showing off their fighting skills. It’d been quiet since the Cullens moved, but the pack had continued training just in case.

The extra time had also given him a chance to start helping Paul and Jared quit phasing. Jake had led the two through various yoga routines each day. Most of the positions had been fairly easy to recall after all the times he’d gone with Leah. They at least knew enough to get started, and Sam was planning to keep it going with them after Jacob left. All of them should be well on their way to quitting by the time Jacob moved. 

“I’ll be glad when you’re back here for good,” Billy said gruffly. Disappointment that Jacob was leaving again, no matter how temporarily it was, showed in the deep grooves furrowed into Billy’s face.

“It’s not like I won’t be around the next few months. I’m still helping Sam, I have the closing on my house, Jared is hooking me up with that electrician he works with so I can get the wiring finished before I move in, and we’re hosting a couple gatherings,” Jacob said lightly.

“Speaking of gatherings, you still haven’t… “

“You asked me not to, so no,” Jacob promised, shaking his head.

Billy was still embarrassed over his health scare, and had continued insisting that Jacob, Rachel, and Paul not share it with anyone else. Billy had not even told Charlie. Jacob had agreed to respect his dad’s decision, despite disagreeing, and had very deliberately not thought about it in wolf form so Seth, and by extension the Cullens, didn’t catch wind of his thoughts. He’d even gone so far as to tell Leah and Aiden he was just interviewing and house hunting rather than caring for his dad. 

“Thanks,” he sighed.

“You do know you’re being ridiculous about it all, right? It’s not a bad thing that people care about you and want to look after you. A little fussing wouldn’t hurt. Might even encourage you to shower and shave more often,” Jacob teased, mock punching his dad’s shoulder. He made sure not to actually do more than lightly brush him since his joints were starting to pain him after the rapid weight loss. The doctor said that was to be expected, and wasn’t cause for additional concern, but Jacob hated how incapacitated his father had become.

“And to think I was going to miss you,” he quipped.

“Aw, Dad, you’re making me blush,” Jake laughed.

“Hmph,” Billy snorted.

~

October

There were three stacks of boxes beside the door when he got home from his office. He’d stayed late again for the third time that week to catch up on work after his extended absence. Natalie was on the floor by the coffee table taping another box closed. Several boxes were on the floor surrounding her. They looked like a miniature fort or siege wall protecting her, shielding her from a coming attack. 

Jacob moved to sit on the couch as he awkwardly said, “Hey. I didn’t think you were coming until tomorrow.”

“I caught an earlier flight. How’s your dad?” Natalie asked without looking up from rearranging the shoes in the next box since the lid hadn’t closed properly.

“Getting better every day,” Jacob announced, his relief about that cutting the uncomfortable tension in the room.

“That’s really good,” she agreed, smiling softly.

“What are you doing with everything?” he asked, wondering if she had a plan, and where she intended to move to. 

She’d never actually told him she’d be the one to move out, only the vague message about having a few ideas. Ideas that could have been any number of suggestions, so he’d come up with a few of his own too. He’d even considered telling her he’d move into the guest bedroom if she wanted to stay, and that way they didn’t have to worry about finding a place, moving, or breaking their lease early. While the arrangement would probably be a tad uncomfortable, it was only a few months. Or he could --

“I hired movers to drive and take it to my parents’ house tomorrow,” she said, pressing the tape firmly to seal the box, then pushing it away and pulling the next towards her. She was a robot, methodically working her way through a preset series of actions. Pack, close, tape, repeat.

“You’re moving back to Philly?” Jake asked, startled. She’d always talked about Philly being too small a city -- a fact he’d disputed on numerous occasions. 

“London actually. I’m just going to store my stuff there until I decide what I need to ship over,” she said quietly.

“That’s… um, okay, wow,” he replied. She was moving half a world away. The likelihood of ever seeing her again after today was negligible. 

He’d thought they were going to talk about what to do with the apartment, possibly be stuck living together again for a couple weeks or more, but she was a step ahead, everything already in place. Nat smiled, and glanced at the coffee table. Jacob followed her gaze, and saw the ring box sitting on its surface.

Shit.

“Did you know the name Mae means pearl?” she asked calmly, returning to organizing another box.

“Yes,” he admitted, the word coming out as a croak from his suddenly dry mouth.

“Of course,” she huffed with her brow quickly rising and falling in a show of reluctant knowing while her lips formed a tight smile. “It was always for her, after all.”

“Natalie,” Jake tried, lifting a hand towards her. But he saw what an empty, useless gesture it was, and let it fall limply back to his side.

“I actually found this ring in your bag last year in Hawaii --”

“You did?” he demanded, shocked, and slightly appalled by the idea.

“Remember when you asked me to grab that gift for Rebecca? They were in the same pocket in your bag,” she explained, making it clear it’d been unintentional.

“Oh. Nat --”

“You know, I thought maybe... since money had always been tight for you... that it was supposed to be a temporary engagement ring. But then you never asked. I kept waiting, wondering what was holding you back. It didn’t make sense. Especially since you’re making six figures now. I waited, and waited -- knowing you had a ring, yet you still didn’t propose, and -- God! I sound greedy and shallow and you know that's not who I am,” she sighed, covering her face.

Jacob waited, watching her take several shaky breathes. Part of him was tempted to point out that she was a little greedy and shallow about this sort of thing, but it really wasn’t the time. That was the sort of thing he would have done in high school, but he’d changed since then, and was better at keeping a conversation on track now.

When Natalie didn’t say anymore, he explained, “I bought that ring with no intention of ever giving it to anyone.”

“You mean you had no intention of ever giving it to me,” she clarified, dropping her hands into her lap and toying with one of her nails.

He didn't deny it.

“I’d hoped to come here and ask you to move to London with me. To give us a chance to start over. But then I was looking for that necklace you gave me last year, and I saw the ring box again,” she admitted. Her pale, crystalline eyes, shiny with tears looked up at him then. “Suddenly everything was so clear.”

“If you’d asked me to go with you back in May, I would have said yes,” he offered, knowing it was a small pittance after their time together, but it was all he had left for her.

“I know,” she acknowledged. He’d never denied her anything when they’d been together, and usually let her dictate everything they did. Quietly, she admitted, “I’m glad I didn’t.”

“We’ve both had a chance to come to terms,” he stated, understanding that this time apart had given them an opportunity to mourn the loss of what they’d once had.

“Right. Sometimes it’s hard to admit how much we’ve grown apart since we met,” she said absently, picking the tape roll back up. “I need about another hour here, then the movers will be by around nine tomorrow morning when you’re at work. I’ll leave the key with the front offcie,” she said, twisting a bit to give him her back.

“Do you need a hand?” he asked hesitantly, not really knowing the protocol for this sort of thing.

“No, I think I want to be alone right now if that’s okay,” she said softly.

“Sure, sure,” he agreed, navigating through the boxes to get to the door. “Uh… “ he began, not knowing how to say goodbye.

“Hey, Jake?” she said, looking up to scan his face. 

He waited, shifting uncomfortably under her stiff inspection. After a minute, he prodded, “Yeah?”

“I hope she says yes. She’d be a fool not to,” Nat said fiercely.

Nodding, Jacob left. The sound of heartbreaking sobs sounded the moment the door shut behind him. He slumped against the wall, listening as tears filled his own eyes.

~

November

Jazz called one afternoon in late November. It was a rare cloudy day, and with the city smog everything looked dull and washed out. The warrior vampire usually made a point to call every few months ever since Ness started college, typically while Bella and Nessie had a girls’ day. He said their bonding made him miss his and Jake’s time together in Central America. 

The first time Jazz had contacted him, Jacob had been pleasantly surprised. He’d grown close to the blond vamp during Nessie’s first year of life, and it hadn’t been until they spent four hours catching up that he remembered the friendship they’d developed. It’d grown so slowly that he’d not even noticed. Both of them enjoyed horror movies, as well as debating social justice issues and the philosophy of human behavior. The last had particularly begun interesting Jasper ever since he took up with Bella. 

They’d been talking for a while when Jacob announced, “I bought a house -- closed last week. It’s in Washington. I’m moving back at the end of summer.”

“I’m glad. It’s your home… well, one of them, at least,” Jasper drawled, his southern accent coming through clearer than usual.

“I think it finally feels like home again. Sam and I spoke. He’s going to step down as alpha and quit phasing. His pack will get absorbed into mine,” Jake explained, wondering what Jasper would think of the idea. 

It was strange, but Jacob valued his opinion. Despite knowing Jasper was far from perfect himself, and therefore was the last person that would cast stones lightly, Jacob didn’t want him to be disappointed by any of the decisions Jake made.

“You’re all grown up now,” Jasper said softly, a hint of teasing lined the genuine pronouncement. 

“Took long enough, right?” Jake said casually, mocking himself a bit.

“She is too. Sam was wrong -- about everything. She’s stopped aging. She’s an adult,” Jasper said gently, barely brushing on the sensitive subject.

“I thought you weren’t going to get involved,” Jacob remarked, curious despite himself.

He distinctly recalled seeing the conversation Seth and Jasper had in the car on the way home from dropping Ness off at the airport for her trip to visit Nahuel. Seth had asked Jasper to talk Ness out of going or to convince her to return and go visit Jacob instead. He’d flat out refused, saying it was her choice to choose who she was with. 

“Things are different now. You broke up with Natalie,” Jasper commented, revealing the fact he’d kept abreast of the situation without Jacob’s knowledge. Not that he was surprised. Any self-respecting strategist always made a point to have all relevant information. “And you ask about her. Almost daily. Edward has told me -- Seth can only mask his thoughts so much,” Jasper admitted.

Somehow, the very act of splitting with Natalie had seemed to open a floodgate or lift some unspoken taboo. Now, everyone told Jake countless stories of Nessie’s antics and adventures from over the years. With every story, he was slowly falling in love with the woman his friends and family described. He’d always known and cared for her, but they were helping him discover all new facets of her personality. It was like learning that some famous person you already admired loved the same books as movies as you, and on top of that, spent their weekends rescuing small animals at a shelter. Nessie was becoming too good to be true. The pedestal he’d placed her on got taller by the day.

“I bought her a ring,” Jacob confessed without meaning to. The ring was still on his dresser where he’d moved it to after Natalie left. Everyday he looked at it and wondered if Ness would even ever see it.

“When?” The startled question slipped out before Jazz had a chance to digest the news. He sounded a bit dumbstruck, and Jacob grinned at having managed to catch the most calm and controlled Cullen off guard. 

“About a year ago,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his heated neck. He still couldn’t believe he’d done that. Particularly while on a romantic vacation with Natalie. Probably karma for doing it in the first place was the reason she’d found the ring while they’d been there. He couldn’t even imagine the mixed signals he must have been sending her.

Jasper’s gift was so attuned that he seemed to sense Jacob’s guilt even at such a distance that it was impossible to feel it. “Jacob, you’re a good man,” he said quietly, reassuringly.

“I’m not so sure about that. I wouldn’t have bought a ring for another woman while potentially shopping for an engagement ring for Natalie if I were,” Jacob mused a bit self-deprecating.

“I think we both know it’s more complicated than that,” Jazz acknowledged, knowing Jacob never actually had proposed, and given the imprinting and Ness’s rapid growth, as well as the circumstances behind his leaving town, his life was irretrievably entwined with Ness’s -- despite whatever he’d built with Nat. “If you’re looking for my blessing, you have it -- even if it doesn’t happen for a thousand years,” Jazz added unexpectedly.

Jacob floundered, his jaw dropped just enough for him to suck in a sharp breath. The unconditional acceptance and support was something he’d never dared hope for. None of the Cullens had ever stated that they wouldn’t someday want Ness and him together, even Blondie, but that had been when she was a child. Back before he’d taken off on them all. That her father still believed him worthy of her… well, it meant a lot. 

“The perks of being immortal,” Jacob said, surprisingly hopeful at the possibility.

He could wait for Nessie. Just then, it didn’t seem like any kind of hardship at all.

“You’re willing to wait,” Jasper stated, satisfaction coating the declaration. “No more relationships to pass the time?” he queried, though he wasn’t actually asking.

“You were testing me?” Jacob guessed, idly wondering how the conversation would have gone if he’d reacted differently. Perhaps if he’d stated he wished to pursue Nessie now, rather than respecting her choice the way she’d respected his. “No. It’s her or no one. And I’m okay with that -- either way.”

“Get things settled on your end, finish sorting out your life, before the die are cast,” Jazz said vaguely.

Before? Did that mean things with Nahuel weren’t as clear cut as Seth thought they were? Was it really possible she wasn’t falling soul deep in love with Nahuel?

“Don’t say anything to her right now, please. But… “

“But?” Jasper asked softly, probbingly.

“If things ever change, if you ever think she might want to give us a chance. Nevermind, forget --”

“If I think it’s what she wants to hear, I’ll let her know. You might give her a bit of a heads up at least,” he advised.

“Maybe,” he said evasively. “Look, don’t tell Bella either, please,” Jake begged, not wanting her to weigh in. She’d surely have an opinion, and demand to have it heard, then be angry when he didn’t listen to her. Not that she ever listened to him either.

“I won’t lie to her if she asks,” Jasper stated plainly. Jacob had expected no less. He’d always been very upfront with Bella. Their level of open communication was a thing to envy.

“But?” Jacob asked slowly, grinning when he detected a bit of wiggle room that Jasper might be willing to grant him.

“But I won’t bring up this call with her either,” he agreed ruefully.

~

January

It was New Year’s Day. Everyone was going on and on about fresh starts. Yet his mind had stalled ever since his conversation with Jasper. The other man had suggested that he let Ness know how he felt, or at least hint at it.

Carefully, he typed the words he’d spent most of the night before painstakingly selecting. _I’ll wait for you._

He set his phone down the moment he pressed send, breathing deeply. He didn’t expect a response from her. The message wouldn’t provoke her to anger, and it was deliberately vague so as not to put her in a predicament. This was her time to live and love as he had the last few years. Maybe she’d have better luck. He was all right with that. He’d come to terms and made peace with it.

Though if she ever gave him the slightest indication she wanted him to fight for her, he would. In an instant. With tooth and claw, heart and soul, and every other means he could think of. Nothing would be off limits in that situation.

Ultimately, though, his goal with the message had just been to leave a breadcrumb, so if things ever changed, she’d believe he really had been missing her this entire time. And that no matter when it happened, he’d welcome her into his heart. He’d wait forever if necessary.

~

July

Leah and Aiden were helping pack up Jake’s apartment. He’d been putting off doing it, not wanting to need something only to have it already be packed, and have to waste time searching for it. Living out of boxes did not seem particularly enjoyable. But as the day his lease was up loomed closer and closer, just over a week now, he figured he might as well get started. His friends were returning the favors they owed since he’d moved both of them out of his place. 

Currently, the lovebirds were packing the majority of his kitchen while he was in the living room doing his bookshelves and listening to them banter.

“We should get a house too. The market is great right now,” Aiden suggested. The faux casualness suggested he’d been wanting to bring the subject up for a while and was probably nervous about what sort of reception he’d get. Leah was a bit of a wildcard with this sort of thing.

“Oh? And where exactly is this house going to be?” she asked dryly. Neither could afford anything worth buying locally. Leah barely made enough to make ends meet at the nonprofit she worked at, and while Aiden made a decent living, real estate in San Diego was expensive.

“Nevada maybe… or Montana,” he tried, testing the waters.

“Like I’d ever ask you to move so far from a beach. You’d be a nightmare to live with if you didn’t get to surf regularly,” Leah fired back. The fact she considered Aiden’s love of surfing made Jacob smile. They were really good together.

“Fair enough,” Aiden agreed readily.

“What about on the coast in Oregon?” Leah asked quiet as a tropical breeze, though Jacob had no trouble hearing her. There was a touch of hesitation as she named the location.

“You’d want to move that close to La Push?” Aiden asked seriously, consideration of her past driving his words.

“It’d be nice to move closer to my mom, and visit more often,” Leah said, making it clear she’d already given this some serious thought.

“Guess I better invest in a better wetsuit. The waves are wicked cold up there in winter,” Aiden said, the pair seeming to have come to some sort of agreement to start planning a switch in careers and living accommodations.

“You’re moving back too?” Jacob asked, walking into the kitchen to stare at Leah.

“You’re my best friend, Jake. Aiden’s too. I don’t want to only see you once or twice a year,” Leah admitted, shrugging, and turning to grab another glass. She began wrapping it in a foam sleeve, avoiding the penetrative look he was giving her. There was more going on here, he could tell, though he didn’t know what.

“What about… “

“Sam and Emily?” Leah asked, peeking up at him, then returning to the newly protected item which she placed carefully into the half full box at her feet. “It doesn’t hurt anymore. It’d still been tough before, but I’m really over it now,” she said simply, and Jacob heard the truth in the statement.

“I’ll just go ahead and take credit for that,” Aiden said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at Jake. “Told you I’d win her over,” Aiden added smugly, and Jake saw the blush bloom high across Leah’s cheekbones. He expected her to fire off a snide comment or smack her boyfriend, but she just bit her lip like she was trying to hide a smile.

“That you did,” Jacob said, still assessing Leah, more certain than ever that something was up with his friends.

“Jacob… “ Leah said, noting the way he was still watching her. “I wanted to wait to share with everyone at the next gathering, but I guess it wouldn’t hurt to tell you now. Aiden asked me to marry him.”

“Oh, wow. Guys, that’s wonderful!” Jake crowed, his lips stretching widely. That hadn’t been what he’d expected her to say, but it wasn’t that surprising either. Edward would be crushed. He’d asked her several times, but Leah had always refused, knowing it was pointless since they wouldn’t last.

“You’re not going to ask what I said?” Leah quickly demanded, scowling at him.

“I’m sure you were a smartass about it, but I know you said yes. He makes you too happy to doubt it,” Jacob taunted, clapping Aiden on the back.

“Thanks,” Aiden said, rocking up on his toes and laughing lightly as he stared adoringly at Leah. “And yeah, she had a few choice words for me. Hey! What’d you go and do that for?” he said, covering the spot on his chest where the back of her hand had roughly swatted him. Yet he didn’t look injured. Not a bit. 

Leah’s flush deepened, and something clicked in Jacob’s mind. It was a sudden knowing. An unrevealing of ties. 

“Leah… “ Jacob whispered, staring at her in awe. She was no longer part of his pack. He felt her absence. It was as similarly abrupt as Embry’s disappearance had been, but this time it wasn’t painful. 

Leah was no longer a wolf. She’d finally begun aging again. Her eyes widened, and her flush took on more of a mauve hue, and she shifted uncomfortably.

“Yeah, Jake… yeah,” she grinned, holding out her arm. 

Cautiously, Jacob placed his hand against her skin. It was significantly cooler than his own, reminding him of Natalie’s skin. “Leah, you’re cold.”

“I’m normal. Human.” Though her eyes glinted with a core of steel as she warned, “Don’t make a thing of it. I can still take you anytime.”

“I’m really happy for you,” Jacob said, hugging her even as he ignored her protests and threats of bodily harm.

~

Jacob turned off the shower and rebuttoned his pants when the knock sounded through his apartment., not bothering with a shirt as he went to see who was at his door. He'd just finished his last day at Philips, then packed the last of his nonessential belongings, and was in the process of preparing to enjoy his last weekend in San Diego revisiting all of his favorite places befor he moved.

Recognition hit just as he touched the doorknob. Even as turning it felt like slipping into a welcome dream or familiar fantasy.

He'd know who that rapid, fluttering heartbeat belonged to anywhere. Always, the scent of jasmine, gardenia and honeysuckle, interwoven with deep notes of ginger and honey would call her alone to his mind. No other could ilicit such a profound and automatic response in his body as just the knowledge of her nearness did just then.

She'd come to him.


	15. 15: Hope - Mae

Author’s Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think! 

The theme song for this chapter is _All I Want_ by Kodaline.

Funny sidenote, while researching for this chapter I found that most flights from Laramie to San Diego have a layover in Seattle… how utterly priceless is that?

I know most of you just want to jump ahead to Jake and Mae being together, but she has one last adventure to help get her there. From this point one, the chapters will only cover a few months instead of an entire year.

PS I’m not Stephenie Meyer, so I don’t own anything :(

~

Ch 15: Hope - Mae

Year 8 - 2013

May

“I still can’t believe he wanted to have a baby! Now -- like now, now,” Mae ranted, slamming the box down on the counter. 

Nahuel had left the day before, and the longer she thought about it, the more furious she was. She’d come into work fuming an hour ago, and was still complaining to Tess about what happened. Okay, so it was a highly edited version of events, but the general idea was still the same.

It sucked that she couldn’t talk to anyone else about it. She really didn’t trust her family not to do something drastic, and she didn’t want Nahuel dead, just… gone. Like, forever gone from her life. She’d been fortunate enough that Bella always tried to shield Nahuel and herself whenever possible to keep Edward from learning too much, and Nahuel had gotten much better about not thinking about anything related to her when around her dad. It was purely luck that Edward hadn’t learned the details prior to his departure. 

“He isn’t from here,” Tess tried, shrugging one shoulder and giving her a half wince. So far she’d been too shocked to say anything as Mae regaled her with their breakup. Or possibly Mae just hadn’t given her an opportunity to speak up prior to now. “There are cultural differences you have to account for.”

“You agree with him? You think it’s all right that he basically wanted to trap me?” Mae demanded, gripping the edge of the counter hard enough that a tiny split appeared in the wood. Quickly, Mae released her hold and shifted the box to hide the evidence.

“No! Of course not,” Tess said, shaking her head, brown eyes huge in her bronze face. “But he was always a little different… I guess I’m just not surprised to hear he’d do that.”

“Well I am. To think, we were together for a whole year... and then... it’s just over! I tried so hard to open up and let him in too,” Mae grumbled.

“Sounds to me like you’re more upset over it failing, than you are about him,” Tess said sagely. 

Mae thought about that for a moment, and couldn’t honestly refute it. “Would it be awful to admit that I am?” she asked sheepishly.

“You seem to be good at just about everything you do… “

“Mom says I take after my dad like that,” Mae admitted, flushing. Never did she try to show off, but it was easy to see nearly everything came naturally to her. It was actually rather embarrassing.

“So it makes sense. But a relationship isn’t always something you can force just because you’re working hard -- there’s a lot more to it than that,” Tess explained, pointing out what Mae already knew, but was struggling to accept. 

The reality of Nahuel hadn’t matched all her girlish imaginings while growing up. Trying to help him was more difficult than she’d anticipated, and often about as successful as using her head to hammer in a nail -- painful with unintended negative results. It sucked. They’d not fit into each other’s lives, and they wanted different things. Worst, she’d started to resent the things she’d failed to change about him by the end, as well as everything he couldn’t give her and his autocratic tendancies. 

“I guess,” she muttered, flopping down into the chair by the checkout counter.

“I think love happens when you’re not trying, rather than when you are. But what do I know? I’ve never dated a guy for longer than two months, so I’m no expert,” Tess said lightly, heading off to talk to the customer that had just walked in.

~

June

Mae froze two steps inside the door of the main house. He was tall. Well over six feet with spikey, ebony hair buzzed close to his head, and broad shoulders. A tiny gasp escaped her lips, and he turned.

Brady. It was Brady.

For a moment she’d thought…

But no. Of course not. He had no reason to be here. He was at home, probably spending a lovely day with his perfect girlfriend. 

“Brady? I haven’t seen you in forever!” Mae cried, plastering a smile on her face in response to the one he aimed at her. 

He was usually in Seattle when she visited the reservation, attending college himself. Actually, she’d not seen him since Quil’s wedding, though they used to spend time together when she’d visit Billy before that. He and Collin always stopped in to see her while they’d still been in high school. 

“Clearly it’s been too long. You’re… wow,” he said, looking her over and not even attempting to hide his interest. Butterflies danced in her stomach in response to his heated gaze, catching her off guard.

“Thanks,” she said, drawing the word out and letting it end with an awkward laugh. “I didn’t know you were coming by.”

“Seth invited me. I’m moving to Chicago, and you’re on the way,” he said, tilting his head and grinning widely even as he accepted the plate of food Esme brought out of the kitchen for him. She’d nearly forgotten that Seth and Brady were cousins.

“Why Chicago?”

“Law school,” he said, taking a big bite of the rosemary chicken. “Oh, man! This is delicious, thanks, Esme,” he stated, overdoing it a bit to flatter her. Her grandma grinned, appreciating the opportunity to take care of someone new. Edward was the only one she got to regularly dote on.

“Seriously? Law school? That’s pretty incredible,” Mae said, knowing she’d hate it herself, but it was an accomplishment to get in.

“Thanks,” he said, watching her. Mae had the impression he was trying not to laugh at her. Was it that obvious she had no desire herself to pursue such a career? Or was it for another reason altogether? “Are you busy tomorrow?” he asked suddenly.

“I have to open the gallery in the morning, but my shift is over at two,” she replied, wondering what he had in mind.

“Can we catch up then? I drove straight through, and I’m about ready to drop,” he informed her, finishing off the last bite of food. How on earth had he eaten it all so fast? The plate had been heaping when Esme gave it to him. The appetites of wolves never ceased to amaze her. She had a number of fond memories of watching them polish off a week’s worth of food in under an hour.

“I’d like that,” she said, biting her lip as anticipation set in.

“Me too,” he agreed.

~

“Umm, you know you’re supposed to take it out if it goes longer than three seconds between pops,” Brady said, coming up behind her and glancing over her shoulder to see in the smoking bag of popcorn. He reached down and pulled out a piece of the withered and blackened kernels. With a shrug, he tossed it in his mouth and made a disgusted face. 

“I used the popcorn button -- shouldn’t it be able to tell?” she asked defensively.

“That’s just a rough estimate -- not an exact science. It’s still just a machine,” Brady informed her, laughing loudly as he reached for a new bag. 

“Well someone should invent a smarter one,” Mae insisted, crossing her arms and feeling heat enter her face when his hand brushed her arm. Or maybe it was because she was embarrassed at the way he was laughing at her.

“Or you could just pay more attention,” he said, moving to lean against the counter opposite her after starting the microwave.

“It’s not like I cook regularly,” she pointed out, swallowing when she saw his grin had grown impossibly wider. Why was her mouth so dry all of a sudden?

“Then why the popcorn?” he asked, nodding at the bag she’d tossed into the trash can.

“It was supposed to be for you,” she said tersely, glaring at him.

“Ahh, I see. You’re trying to kill me. It was bound to happen eventually -- what with you being a bloodsucker and all,” he teased. The casual way he referenced the truth of her was so refreshing. It reminded her of the way Seth and Alice joked around.

“Ha. Ha. Very funny, Mutt,” she deadpanned, making him release another bark of laughter reminiscent of how he sounded when wearing fur, and made her think of dogs barking whenever strangers passed by.

“If it’s all the same, I’ll stick with the cookies Esme baked,” he said, turning to open the microwave. Mae hadn’t even noticed if the popping had slowed or not.

The rest of the afternoon and evening was spent watching a marathon of Marvel movies and sharing college stories as she and Brady caught up on the last four years. By the time they were both ready to fall asleep on the couch, Mae was already looking forward to showing him around town the next day.

~

July

“Want me to make a donation to that?” Brady asked, nodding toward her cup of coffee where she was idly tracing the rim with the tip of her finger. They’d come into town early for breakfast -- he’d eaten both plates, and now they were strolling down the main street in town watching the Fourth of July parade. 

For once, Mae wasn’t the least bit disappointed that her family couldn’t join. So far it’d been sunny each year they’d lived in Wyoming, so the rest of the Cullens were always stuck inside on the holiday and couldn’t enjoy how elaborately it was celebrated here in the west. She’d been somewhat avoiding them since Nahuel left, reluctant to have them fawning over her, and expressing concern once they learned about the break up. Mae wasn’t the least bit upset that things didn’t work out, not anymore anyways. She just hated that they’d all assume he’d broken her heart or act like she’d be devastated over the failure of her first relationship. 

This year, she welcomed the privacy that allowed her to spend the day alone with Brady. Especially for the fireworks show later that day around sunset. He was… intriguing. So far not a day had gone by since he arrived that they didn’t spend at least part of it together. Nahuel might have known what she was, given that he was the same, but it was different with Brady. He didn’t bat an eye, and he treated her, not like she was normal, but like being a little different was normal.

“Donation?” Mae asked, confused.

“Blood. You’ve only taken maybe two sips in the last half hour, and it has to be getting cold now. Figured I’d offer to spice it up a bit for you,” Brady explained as if the very idea was commonplace. Imagine, drinking blood in public. Or adding it to a human beverage. Actually… The idea did have merit. How much better would human food taste if it included her preferred diet source? The missing ingredient all along. Spice it up indeed.

“I don’t have -- wait… are you offering your blood?” she demanded, realized what he’d truly been suggesting. The temptation of tasting human blood again, willingly offered, made her breath hitch and her heart stutter. Her mouth was watering at the very thought of it. Except she couldn’t. This had been one of her issues with Nahuel.

“Why not? I heal fast. It’d be nothing to make a quick cut and squeeze some in. The cut would heal entirely by the time you had the lid back on with no one the wiser,” Brady explained, addressing her concern without even seeming to realize it was one. And he was correct. He did heal fast. A few sips wouldn’t bother him in the least. And the blood would be so much fresher than the bags she’d had as a child.

“Brady… “ Mae said, swallowing thickly.

“Did I just overstep? Is that like a no-no or something?”

“No, I just… I’ve never done that,” she admitted. It seemed like it would be such an intimate act. He would literally be feeding her, using his lifeforce to sustain and nourish her.

“Why not? You like blood over human food, don’t you? It’d be like adding cream to your coffee, right?” he asked, genuinely curious.

“I’ve never had the opportunity. None of my friends have ever known, and my family stopped letting me have blood bags as soon as I was big enough to hunt for myself,” she explained, realizing she wasn’t planning on accepting his offer. Not now, on a crowded street. Possibly not ever. She already felt too much of an attraction to him, that would only intensify it. Not a prospect she wanted to happen.

“Makes sense. You had me worried there for a second that it was about control -- like one sip and you’d lose it the way vamps do,” he joked, widening his eyes comically with fake alarm even as his lips twitched.

“I am a vamp,” Mae reminded him, chuckling at his continued expression. Not to mention the fact he didn’t seem worried that he might need to hunt her down someday if she ever did start hunting humans. The lack of concern over that fact was something she appreciated. “But blood is more a pleasant craving for me, not the mindless compulsion it is for a true vampire.”

“I guess that’s true. Because you’re also human,” he stated, bumping her shoulder with his.

“Just like you -- wolf and human,” she agreed, feeling a ball of warmth ignite in her center at the connection between them. It had been the first thing she remembered Jacob saying to her. That they were the same -- of two worlds with the best of both. It had helped her not feel inferior any time she saw her family achieve remarkable feats.

“Exactly,” he said, casually tossing an arm around her shoulders and tugging her closer against his side. Her breath hitched, and she internally chastised herself for overreacting to the friendly gesture. Brady hadn’t done anything that might suggest he had romantic inclinations towards her, so she needed to stop. Immediately.

“And thanks for the offer, but I’m good. I hunted yesterday and I only need to drink once a week now that I’ve stopped aging,” she said, intending for him not to offer again. Saying no to such a tantalizing offer was more difficult than she’d like to admit. Having to do so once was plenty.

“Offer is open if you ever change your mind,” he said, squeezing her shoulder before adding, “Now, didn’t you say something about a rodeo? I can’t wait to see what that is all about.”

~

On Mae’s next day off from work, she and Brady went hiking in Medicine Bow-Routt National Forest. They’d spent most of the day comparing these woods to the ones back home. Mae may have only lived in Washington for a year, several months of which she spent traveling elsewhere, but it would always be her home. By the time they decided to head back, they both agreed that the Olympic National Park was far superior with its hot springs, rainforests, mountains, and coastal beaches.

“Want to race back -- you can wolf out, at least until the trail head,” she suggested.

“No offense, but you wouldn’t stand a chance. I’m faster than a vamp, and you’re only a hybrid,” he taunted, spurring her competitive streak. That had sounded suspiciously like a dare.

“You’ve never seen me move,” she fired back.

“Oh yeah?” Brady said, eyes seeming to glow like hot coals in a fire. He whipped his shirt off and tossed it to her, apparently assuming she’d carry it for him then unbuttoned his cargo shorts. He paused, raising a pointed brow at her, and Mae realized she was unabashedly checking him out.

Brady was significantly more muscular than Nahuel had been. Her ex boyfriend had been sinewy and lean, toned and wiry. Brady was… not. He had bulk. Strong, defined muscles already glistening with a light sheen of sweat from the summer sun and the strenuous hiking they’d spent the last six hours doing. He was gorgeous. Only the hair seemed all wrong. He wore it shorn close to his scalp, so short it was just inky stubble. 

After another moment’s pause, Brady met her eyes head on and pushed his shorts off. Mae wanted to examine the freshly revealed skin, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away. Was it getting hotter? Seriously. The temperature must have just spiked another ten degrees. Brady’s eyes narrowed just a fraction in question, his head tilting ever so slightly.

“If you’re afraid to lose… ” Mae challenged, suddenly finding her voice. Her words attempting to cut the mounting tension blanketing the distance that separated them. It worked.

Brady broke eye contact, and bent to tie his shorts to his leg. “Oh, you’re on,” he agreed, and Mae took off, her only option if she wanted to avoid staring at him any longer. “Chicken!” he hollered after her, and she laughed as she plunged forward, darting through the thick underbrush.

Mae took every shortcut she could remember, swinging through trees, and jumping over cliffs to eat up the distance faster. They traded places several times, one of them darting ahead only to be overtaken by the other a minute later. 

Mae skidded to a stop a little ways from the trail head, bending forward and panting beside Brady. His sides were heaving too. He’d barely beaten her, mostly because the last half mile had been relatively flat and open enough for him to full out run without obstacles in his path. At least she’d made him work for the win.

Carefully, Brady backed away, putting more space than necessary between them before he shifted. It was the first time she’d really watched anyone shift, and she was so awed by the change that she almost asked him to shift again for her. She was too tired to admire his body as he went about tugging his shorts back on. Though his exhilarated expression had her grinning in return even as she continued gulping in lungfuls of air, lungs starving for more oxygen. 

“You’re faster than I expected,” he remarked, flopping down on the ground and throwing his arm over his face to shield it from the light peaking through the foliage. "I really didn't think you'd keep up."

Mae tossed his waded up shirt on his flat, chiseled stomach then joined him on the ground. “I’m familiar with the area,” she acknowledged, graciously accepting the praise as well as her defeat. The latter went down easier after the compliment, even if he sort of ruined it with his obvious doubt in her.

~

“Are you excited for Nahuel to come back?” Brady asked, glancing up from the picture he held. 

He was sitting in her room with her desk chair turned backwards so he was leaning over the backrest to look at her photographs. He’d asked to see her work a couple weeks ago, but she’d only now felt comfortable enough to share them. Most were fairly personal, and it was always difficult for her to open up to someone new and show them. 

The pictures he was currently looking through were the ones she’d taken in Chile the summer before. At first she’d been anxious, chewing her thumbnail, and ready to explain what she was going for with each one, but he flipped through the stack so quickly that she’d not had a chance. Privately, she wondered how he even noticed what the picture was of with as little attention as he paid to each. Mae tried not to be disappointed since she knew art wasn’t for everyone, but she wished he enjoyed admiring it even if he wasn’t into creating it.

“Honestly? No,” Mae admitted, sitting on the edge of her bed. Hopefully he wouldn’t even bother to come back. She doubted he actually wanted any of the stuff he’d left here anyways. Maybe someday, centuries from now probably, they’d be friends, but she wasn’t holding her breath for that to happen. 

“Harsh,” Brady commented.

“We’re too different, so there was really no point in trying,” Mae said vaguely, accepting the pictures back when he handed them off. He’d only looked at about twenty total and there’d been close to a hundred in this stack. Guess he probably wouldn’t want to look at any of the others. Oh well.

“Did something happen?” Brady asked, sitting up straighter like a predator that had just caught wind of its prey’s scent. The wolves were all alike -- overprotective in the extreme.

“Yeah, we broke up a while ago actually, but don’t get all concerned -- I can take care of myself,” Mae said, ripping the bandaid off and finally verbalizing the fact that they were over. There was a fair bit of relish involved in it too. Satisfaction filled her as she noted the way Brady’s lips parted at the news. 

“Oh, I don’t doubt that,” Brady replied, letting her know he was confident in her ability to look after herself. A recent development since their race. The air in the room seemed to shift, gaining a new, nearly tangible thickness and electricity. It suddenly occurred to her that Brady had been under the mistaken impression that she had a boyfriend the entirety of his stay so far. But now that little matter had been cleared up. 

“What about you? You’ve not mentioned a girlfriend,” Mae queried, wondering if he was taken himself. _Please don’t have one. Please don’t have one. Please don’t have one, she chanted to herself._

“That’s because I don’t have one,” Brady said, smirking. He nodded when she bit her lip as a wealth of possibilities suddenly sprung to mind. He’d be in town for another two weeks.

Except, why was he single? He was gorgeous. It didn’t make sense. Unless…

“Because you’re a wolf?” she asked, wanting to know more before she got carried away. As if she wasn’t already well on her way. He had so many of her favorite qualities all conveniently packaged inside a gorgeous, masculine body that was completely drool worthy.

“No. Just haven’t met anyone yet that I really connected with. Being a wolf wouldn’t stop me,” Brady said confidently.

“Do you like being a wolf?” 

“So much. It’s incredible. I probably won’t stop phasing until after I imprint,” Brady said carefully, opening and closing his mouth a couple times like he wanted to say something in particular, and just couldn’t find the right words. Mae sort of thought he already had. Simply by mentioning imprinting he’d clarified the path he intended to take. One that automatically excluded her because she’d already been claimed in that way. Though it hadn’t meant romantic love in her case, only friendship and protection -- same as Claire. “I want to be a wolf until that happens, then I want to spend my remaining years with her.”

“What if you don’t?” Mae asked curiously. Not all wolves imprinted. Leah certainly hadn’t. Neither had Embry, Collin, Seth, Jax, or Nicky.

“I think I will -- if I wait long enough,” he said, a wistful look coming onto his face. “She might not even be alive yet, and that’s okay.”

“You’re just going to wait until you meet her to fall in love?” Mae asked skeptically. That sounded like such a waste. And who was to say she’d even want him when he did imprint, assuming he eventually did.

“No. Not if I meet someone else,” Brady said, swallowing and looking at her directly.

“You’d stay with someone as they grew old and died, all the while waiting for an imprint?” Mae said, shaking her head. That didn’t sound like a life she’d want. It certainly hadn’t appealed to her mother. And would he leave his girlfriend when he imprinted the way Sam left Leah?

“I don’t see it quite like that. More… like Taha Aki. He didn’t imprint until his third wife, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t love the first two. A person can love more than one person throughout their life. Each love is different, but that doesn’t necessarily make any more superior or inferior than the others. I think I’d be all right experiencing multiple lifetimes of love with different people.”

Mae decided not to ask if he’d leave someone for his imprint someday. Part of her didn’t want to know the answer. Particularly when she knew the answer couldn’t possibly offer her any potential happiness. 

“And what if you don’t fall in love with your imprint? Not all do,” Mae said, voicing her own issue. 

This conversation was bordering on painful from multiple fronts. It was clear these unexpected feelings she was developing for Brady would lead nowhere good. By his own declaration, they had no future. All he could give her was right now, and possibly a handful of tomorrows. It wasn’t enough. Not after how things had gone with Nahuel. Brady seemed to sense her resignation, because he frowned and he slumped against the backrest a little more. Possibly, her words had reminded him that she was in that very situation. 

Worst, was the way the conversation reminded her that the wolf who had imprinted on her hadn’t fallen in love with her, and because he’d already staked a claim, no other wolf would imprint on her. If he hadn’t, another -- As soon as the thought began to fill her mind, she rejected it. Repelled. She was repelled by the very idea of another wolf imprinting on her. It didn’t matter that Jacob didn’t love her like that. She didn’t want a different wolf. She wanted him -- in whatever way he was willing to be in her life.

“I guess that’s a possibility. But I think the fact that I want to, means someday I will when it happens,” Brady finally said. 

“You’re such an optimist,” Mae teased, but it lacked the sexual tension that had been present at the beginning of the conversation, and Brady excused himself not long after.

~

“I didn’t bring a suit,” Brady said when Mae suggested they swim to cool off before heading back. They’d gone hiking again, and stumbled upon a small lake in the middle of nowhere. 

It was beautiful. Remote. Peaceful. Perfect on a hot day. Particularly if they planned to race again afterwards. Though the spot was only a little over a mile from where she’d parked, so they’d probably have to head in a different direction to avoid running into humans or have it end too quickly.

“You’re wearing underwear, aren’t you?” Mae suggested, pulling off her own shirt to reveal her red satin and lace bra.

“Uh, what? I mean n-no. No, I’m not,” Brady stuttered, staring at her chest as though he’d never seen a bra before. Which was ridiculous since it actually covered more than her bikini did, and she knew he’d seen plenty of girls in bikinis growing up on a beach like he had. “None of the wolves do -- or have you forgotten?” he added.

“Oh, umm, no I haven’t forgotten,” she said, smirking and giving him a once over. She’d been looking forward to watching him strip again all week. Surprisingly, Brady seemed to have come to the opposite conclusion from her after their talk. He seemed to think their conversation meant she was willing to pass the time with him while he waited for his imprint. Either that or he just enjoyed flirting, and now that he knew she was single, he felt comfortable flirting with her. Regardless, she was having fun and still loved spending time with him.

“Yeah… “

“Well, it’s not like I haven’t seen wolves in the buff. Seth phases back and forth all the time -- he’s not exactly the shy type,” Mae said casually, prodding him into skinny dipping. If he wanted to flirt, she wanted to take advantage of the situation, and this was the perfect circumstance.

“Ain’t that the truth! He’s my cousin, and I love him, but staying with him and Alice -- awkward!”

“Why do you think Esme made them get their own place?”

“Thanks for that, seriously,” he groaned, rubbing his face as though he could wipe away the images her words had invoked. “Though it’s still better staying with them. Alice smells so much more like Seth, that I don’t mind the vampire scent so much,” he added.

“I’ve never asked, but do I smell bad to your kind?” she asked, concerned. Was being near her off putting for wolves? Did she disgust them too?

“No, just the opposite, in fact,” Brady said, stepping up and pressing his nose into her neck to breathe deeply. Mae gasped at his unexpected nearness and the fan of warm air against her skin when he exhaled.

“Oh, well… that’s good I guess,” she said, voice a bit higher than normal. Her heart was pounding in her chest, racing faster than its normally accelerated pace.

“Yeah,” he agreed, rubbing the stubble on the back of his head. She could hear the way it scraped over his calloused palm. “So swimming?”

For nearly an hour, they splashed about in the water, occasionally getting out to jump or flip off an outcropping of rocks overlooking the opaque surface.

Mae pretended not to notice when Brady swam up behind her, getting closer and closer. Just before he reached her, she turned to face him. His arms caught her around the waist and pulled her tightly against him. His erection was hard and hot against her stomach.

“Brady,” Mae gasped, flicking her gaze from his eyes to his lips and back again. That was all the invitation he needed to kiss her.

It was rough and messy, teeth mashing together as they treaded water, bobbing irregularly. He broke away with an amused look, and nodded towards shore. Mae followed him, eager to try again.

“Come here,” he urged, tugging her close and kissing her again as he walked backwards through the shallow water and onto the rocky, gravel shore.

“Mhmm,” Mae moaned into his mouth when his tongue sought greater access to hers. The feel of their tongues tangling, dueling for dominance sparked a fire in her blood. 

Eagerly, her hands roamed down his back to squeeze his firm buttocks. When his hands hesitated, stilling against the hook on her bra, Mae pressed closer, rubbing her body suggestively against the length of his.

“Yes, yes,” she begged, the words smothered by his ardent lips when he unclasped the scarlet fabric and peeled the wet, clinging cups off her.

His mouth abandoned hers, dropping to capture the budded tip of her rosy nipple in his mouth. An inferno roared to life in her core. The sensation one she’d never experienced before. His tongue circled the peak, flicking deliberately over it and sucking hard before pulling back to release the aching flesh with a quiet _pop!_

Then his mouth was tracing a blazing, wet trail down her stomach. Continuing south as he knelt before her, dropping to his knees. Mae’s hands fluttered by his head, not sure precisely what to do. Part of her wanted to drag him back up to attend to her neglected breast, while the rest of her wanted to push him farther down, hurrying his lazy pace to another destination that had been equally neglected up to this point in her life. 

In the end, she settled for letting one clutch his shoulder while the other slid to the back of his head. Her touch seemed to be taken as permission to continue, and he began brushing his soft lips along the edge of her panties. A barrage of fantasies flashed through her mind. All the times she’d longed to experience this. And now here she was with a gorgeous wolf, and it was better than she’d imagined.

Brady jerked away, sitting back on his heels to look up at her. His expression was one of disappointment and resignation. The look was baffling given their current activities.

“What? What is it? Why’d you stop?” Mae demanded, breathless.

In answer, Brady stood, reaching for her hand. He gripped it gently in one while he used the tip of the pointer finger on his other hand to trace the length of her palm before tapping the center meaningfully. At once she understood.

“It was nothing,” Mae denied, shaking her head quickly. “Just a stray thought. It meant nothing,” she insisted. 

For the last several years she’d nearly stopped using her gift. Training herself not to just in case. Since she was spending so much time with humans, it wouldn’t do to slip and accidentally show them something. But she’d not been thinking a minute ago, simply feeling instead.

“It was the truth -- what you really want,” Brady countered, releasing her hand and watching as it fell limply back to her side. “When we talked before, you didn’t say… I didn’t know you felt like that about Jake. If I had --”

“No. No, I --”

“Mae,” Brady interrupted, his tone conveying a depth of knowledge she couldn’t argue against. It wasn’t like she’d meant to let him see that she wondered what it would be like to have Jacob kissing her instead. To have Jacob on his knees pleasuring her. Or that he’d probably felt a heaping dose of her longing for the alpha wolf accompanying the images.

“I have to go,” she whispered, mortified as she scooped up her discarded clothes and tugged them on even as she fled the shore and Brady. He didn’t try to stop her or chase after her.

Mae didn’t slow down until she’d barrelled through the front door of her house, slamming it shut and slumping against it, chewing on her thumbnail. Holy shit. Had she just… did that really -- 

“Renesmee?” Bella called, willing her daughter to spill.

Mae froze, not having realized her parents were even in the room. She’d been too wrapped up in trying to process what had just happened. As if she even could. Her head was spinning, and judging by Jasper’s concerned stare, he was picking up every one of her chaotic emotions. Against her will, she blurted, “I kissed Brady.” 

Right. Kiss. Such a tame way to describe what they’d just done. At least until she’d slipped and messed it all up. Part of her resented herself for not keeping a tighter rein on her private thoughts, while the rest was too busy being shocked to discover she even still felt that way about Jacob. She’d barely thought about him at all since she’d started dating other people. So why now?

“What about Nahuel?” Bella asked, blinking quickly. Her lips were still slightly parted at the stunning revelation. 

“Do I love him?” Mae asked, face scrunched as she directed the question to Jazz. She willed him to understand without having to reveal precise details of how that ended. 

Jasper frowned, coming to the realization that she and Nahuel were well and truly over. “If you have to ask, you already know the answer.”

“And if you’re kissing another,” Bella added, shaking her head as if unable to believe Mae’s confession. 

“You did,” Mae fired back. 

“Because he wasn’t the right one,” Bella said, visibly shocked by both the speed and accuracy of Mae’s rebuttal. Not to mention the content. They’d never discussed Bella’s past with Jacob. It had never mattered to Mae before, but in that instant, she was jealous of her mother. She’d been offered the very thing Mae longed for with her entire being. Then Bella added, “Neither was or it wouldn’t have happened.”

Jasper kissed Bella’s temple, slipping his arm around her to say he loved her too, and Mae’s anger abruptly evaporated. Seeing her parents together left no room for negative emotions.

“Should we expect to see more of Brady?” Jasper asked, letting her know she’d have their support, no matter what she decided, but trying to convey with his tone that she should read more into what Bella had just said.

“No… he just reminded me… ” she said quietly, trailing off and shrugging. No way was she going to admit that she’d accidentally projected her desire for Jacob to be the one touching and kissing her right when she and Brady had been having a moment.

“Speaking of the past, have you thought about going to visit Jacob? The two of you have barely even spoken these last few years,” Jasper suggested with exaggerated casualness. 

Just the sound of Jacob’s name had Mae’s heart racing. He was already on her mind after earlier, and the thought of seeing him made the traitorous organ in her chest beat out a staccato rhythm at a jackhammer pace. And the idea of visiting? It had never been suggested before. Not once since he left. Because they were two ships destined for very different ports.

“We’ve both been busy,” Mae hedged, using the same excuse she always used when asked about Jake. Usually, it was Seth prodding her. He didn’t like the ever deepening and widening canyon that had developed between his niece and his alpha.

“He and Natalie ended things a little while ago. He could probably use a friend right now too,” Jasper informed her. 

What? They had? But --

_I’ll wait for you._ The memory of the text came back to her with a vengeance. He wanted her. Jacob was ready to be with her. More, he’d respected her enough to let her live her life and be happy after he’d not been ready to be what she needed when she’d wanted him to.

Hope filled her, blossoming like spring flowers. Hope that the timing was finally right. Hope that Jake would see her for who she’d become, not the girl that needed his protection or Bella’s child or even his imprint. Just Mae -- Ness. _His Ness._ Hope that he could finally love her back. It was an unrealized dream that suddenly had the potential to come true. 

“You always feel better once you talk to him,” Bella murmured encouragingly. 

Mae nodded once, then turned and walked out of the house, not bothering to say goodbye or even pack a bag.

~

Mae had no memory of driving to the airport or buying a ticket at the counter. She didn’t even remember boarding the flight. It wasn’t until she was walking through the terminal in Denver during her layover that she floated back down to earth. 

She’d left in such a hurry that all she had with her was her purse and the tote that had been in the trunk of her car. She’d left her purse on the front seat in her hurry to get home after what happened with Brady, which was a stupid move in and of itself. Proof she’d not been thinking clearly. And looking through the tote now, she found only a bikini and a single change of clothes from the weekend before when she’d taken Brady, Callie, and Caleb boating, as well as her camera bag. 

A four hour layover gave her plenty of time to realize the impulsiveness of taking off on a whim. It’d been a bit rash to leave without even a toothbrush. Luckily, there were a number of stores that sold travel size toiletries that had been easy enough to pick up. She’d also found a cute skirt, another tank top, and even a few sets of underwear. She didn’t want to take more since she didn't know how long would be staying, but she wanted to at least be wearing clean clothes when she arrived and have a spare set just in case.

She’d considered calling Jacob to give him a head’s up that she was coming, but decided not to risk him telling her not to. It was time for her to see how he felt, and she wanted him to say it to her face. While she expected to be scared or nervous, all she felt was hope. This time would be different. She was positive.

That hope carried her all the way to the curb outside his four-story apartment building. Alice had texted the address to her while she’d been on her way from Denver to San Diego, not knowing Mae had already called Leah to ask for it, and the message had been waiting for her when she landed, along with information about the rental car Alice had arranged for her. Her aunts really were the best.

But it was when she stepped inside the building that panic set in. Each step was harder than the previous. Cement weighed her feet down as she trudged up to the second floor and down the long hallway to the dark blue door with gold stickers declaring it to be apartment fifteen.

Mae took a deep breath then rapped her knuckles on the apartment door three times. Breathing had become nearly impossible. The air was too thin, and she couldn’t drag in more than a tiny mouthful fast enough. Black spots flickered across her vision, and the numbers pasted on the door tilted sideways suddenly.

Just as she feared she might actually pass out, the door opened.

Jacob. Strong. Steady. There.

Peace descended. The final piece of an intricate puzzle clicking into place. Her sight cleared, urging her to drink in more of the man standing before her. He was everything she remembered from Quil’s wedding, only more. Then, he’d seemed untouchable. An invisible barrier in the form of restrictions, expectations, and Natalie stood between them. But somehow, in the time it took for the door of his apartment to swing wide, the way between them cleared.

He was so beautiful to her. Russet skin stretched tight over defined muscles. His bare chest was a sculpture. A work of art that would make Micheal Angelo weep with desire to recreate and immortalize in marble. His thick midnight hair was long enough to tangle her fingers in, and she imagined doing exactly that, using it to tug his head down for a passionate kiss. Warm pools of rich dark chocolate formed his expressive eyes -- eyes that drank her in every bit as much as she was doing to him.

“Nessie,” he breathed, stepping aside and gesturing for her to come inside.

Jacob’s hand reached, moving carefully towards her cheek, and Mae could see the way it trembled as his fingers came to hover just short of actually touching her. That obvious sign of how she was affecting him spurred her on. She took the plunge, saying, “Jacob, I’ve missed you.” He inhaled audibly, and she continued, “And I’ve been missing you for a _really_ long time.”

Finally, his fingers made contact with her skin. Instantly, she leaned into his cupped palm, relishing the electricity that sparked in every atom that touched, connecting them and bringing her to life in a way she’d never ever felt before.

“You’re really here,” he said shakily, disbelief giving way to wonder and awe. With those words, Mae felt the ties they bound them together weaving around them, unbreakable and eternal.


	16. 16 Part 1: Did I really almost miss out on this? - Jacob

Author’s Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think! 

The theme song for this chapter is _Hunger_ by Ross Copperman.

This chapter has turned into a monster! I hit 60 pages and still had about a third to go, so I split it in half :)

PS I’m not Stephenie Meyer, so I don’t own anything :(

~

Ch 16 Part 1: Did I really almost miss out on this? - Jacob

Year 8 - 2013 (July only)

July

Jacob had been just about to get in the shower when he heard the knock on his door. Initially, when he opened it, he believed he was dreaming. He must have fallen asleep while packing the last of his stuff. There was no other explanation for her sudden appearance. 

She was a mirage. A vision. More perfect than any memory or recited tale. He didn’t understand. What was she doing there? Had his desire to see her beckoned her? Summoned her like some mystical genie from a lamp? Without much conscious thought, because he wasn’t really capable of having any just then, he shifted back, willing her inside. Silently begging her to step into his world. To be there physically as well as emotionally.

She stepped forward, moving close enough that he could feel the heat of her skin, a familiar, enticing caress. A tendril weaving around his neck to draw him closer like a creeping vine intent on snaring him. He welcomed it. 

Ness had never smelled the way the rest of her family did. Not sickly, cloyingly sweet coated in icy, burning cold. Rather, she held light floral notes of jasmine, gardenia, and honeysuckle, with tempting hints of a dessert consisting of ginger and honey. It was the scent he’d recognized before ever opening the door.

Even as she moved past him, her eyes never left his. Magnets caught in each other’s pull. The chocolate depths were shimmering, liquid pools luring him in. A siren singing a sailor overboard to drown in them. Jacob embraced that fate. Went gladly to that final destination. So long as the end meant being with her forever. 

Then he saw it. The look he’d craved since the moment he realized he might never see it again. The one that openly declared her desire. Desire for him. It was hungry and pure, visceral and honest. A beating heart laid bare in the palm of her hand. He wondered if she could as easily detect his own feelings from the way he was looking at her. Surely she must. 

“Nessie,” he breathed. The single word was filled with a lifetime of longing. An eternity’s worth of wanting that wasn’t realized until just over a year ago.

Jacob’s hand reached, shakily moving towards her cheek. He paused just short of making contact, terrified that she’d vanish into wisps of vapor and smoke if he did. A wall separated their bodies. Impenetrable. No. It was a crevasse. So deep he couldn’t see the bottom, and so wide he’d need a bridge to cross it. Except the bridge had been severed years ago when he made the decision to move away. 

It was never meant to be an act of leaving her, but that’s what happened. They grew apart. They changed. Their needs stopped correlating. Except they never really had. Those needs had still been the same for each of them, they’d just happened separately. At different times. And now here they were. Together again. Each wanting the other.

“Jacob, I’ve missed you,” Ness said simply, a soft smile forming on her lips even as her shoulders straightened and her chin lifted. He inhaled audibly, and she continued, “And I’ve been missing you for a really long time.”

The crevasse slammed shut, meanded seamlessly into a welcoming meadow with those simple words. And suddenly he was free to touch her as he longed to do. Finally, his fingers breached that final invisible barrier to feel her skin. The soft surface silk beneath his fingers. Impossibly smooth thanks to her dual nature. Instantly, she leaned into his cupped palm. Emotion rippled through him as powerful tingles zinged from the point of contact. Overwhelming. Sensation overload. He was near to short circuiting. 

“You’re really here,” he said, voice suddenly rusty with disuse and an overabundance of emotion.

He stepped closer, close enough that the cotton of her shirt brushed his bare chest, making his breath hitch. Her bag fell to the floor, forgotten as her hands came up to rest just over his pounding heart, fingers splayed against his muscles. His hand on her cheek tilted her head back so that when he bent, their lips met.

Lightly at first. Just a gentle, delicate press. Slowly, methodically, he explored her mouth. Taking and giving in equal measure, memorizing every contour. At first, merely sipping the sweet champagne, heady and intoxicating. In no time at all, he was drunk on her. 

Easily, she allowed him to slip his tongue into her mouth, lightly caressing hers with his own. 

“Mmh,” she moaned, the sound vibrating through her and into him.

Ness’s mouth was the sweetest frosting, the richest chocolate, the most potent elixir. There was no comparison, no amount of practice capable of preparing him for the perfection of their mouths joining or the sheer amount of everything the contact made him feel. 

Then she was leaning into him, pressing her lithe body tightly against him, and he was experiencing all new levels of bliss, soaring to greater highs than he’d ever known before. His fingers wove through her long curls, the strands thick and soft as velvet, to cup the back of her head while his other hand rested on her waist, holding her to him.

Nessie’s body easily molded to his own. Her curves lined up and conformed to the shape of his body until no space existed between them. Ecstasy and fire rushed through his veins, fueling a passion greater than any he’d ever known. Nothing in his prior experiences mattered. It all fell away. Until this moment, Jake had never truly existed.

More. He needed her. Craved her. Oxygen had ceased to mean anything to his body. Only Ness had the power to sustain him. He’d never get enough of her. Her lips, the taste of her, was a drug that in an instant had become vital for his very survival. 

A tiny whimper sounded from her, and that alone cleared his mind for rational thought to return. Jacob tried to break the kiss, but her lips followed his, reluctant to part. 

“Ness?” he gasped, breathless and a little concerned. He was the only thing holding her upright. His forehead was still pressed to hers, and he lightly bumped his nose against hers to check on her.

“My Jacob,” she said quietly. It was an endearment she’d only used once before. In Guatemala. When he’d killed Santiago to save her and she’d been checking on his injuries, her concern dragging it out of her. Somehow it felt right for her to use it again now. “That’s what that is supposed to feel like,” she announced once her breathing had evened out a fraction. “I always knew some necessary ingredient was missing.”

Jacob nodded, not able to articulate his thoughts any better, but wanting her to know he was in complete agreement. “What are you doing here?” he asked, pulling back just a little to drink in the sight of her, though he didn’t release his hold or loosen it even a fraction. Probably couldn’t even if he’d tried.

She was perfect. Angelic. Flawless ivory skin with rosy, passion-hued cheeks and shell pink lips, swollen and dark from his kiss. Her huge, expressive eyes were framed with long sooty lashes that fluttered besumedly under his intense scrutiny. Bronze brows formed perfectly arched slashes above her eyes, the metallic color exactly matching her waist-length waves.

“I just really needed to see you -- like I said, I’ve been missing you,” Ness admitted, sliding her hands up to wrap around his neck.

“Yeah, I could say the same thing,” he agreed, sealing his lips to hers once more. They were irresistible. He was an addict, permanently, irrevocably addicted after a single hit, and he had no will or desire to resist.

Goosebump broke out on his arms when her fingers carded through his messy hair, tangling in the shaggy strands. The feel of her hips tight against his, and her breasts, the full swells rubbing lightly with each breath she took made him groan with desire.

“I can’t believe… “ he murmured into her mouth, unable to find the words to describe how she made him feel complete simply by being there.

“I think I was always going to end up coming to you,” she stated quietly when the kiss ended.

“What took you so long?” he joked, only for her hand to fly out and smack his chest. 

Amazing. 

Other people had done something similar over the years, Aiden and Natalie in particular, but he’d never felt it. He’d always had to fake a reaction. That was definitely not the case with Ness. She was strong enough that her actions actually registered. They were equally strong. Strong enough that neither would have to temper their actions to protect the other or pretend to feel what they couldn’t. 

“Ow, woman! Careful, I’m fragile,” he exclaimed, a little serious but mostly just stunned by his new and very welcome revelation. “I’m breakable!”

“Sure you are,” she said, smirking merrily. 

“I am,” Jake insisted. 

“Maybe I should kiss it better,” Ness said boldly. Yet even as she spoke, Jacob caught the flash of uncertainty across her face. She wasn’t used to being so forthright, and he could guess that she feared he’d reject her advance again.

Immediately, Jacob nodded in response, saying, “Yeah, I think you definitely should.” The encouragement was all she needed to relax in his arms. Her entire body suddenly pliant and soft. 

Nessie smiled and gently kissed the place she’d punched, easily identifying the spot thanks to the slight red patch. Spontaneous combustion. For the first time, Jacob feared he might burst into flames at a simple touch. 

“Mind if we sit? I’m feeling a little dazed here,” he admitted frankly, his fingers tracing small circles on her back. He couldn’t stop touching her, nor did he have any desire to.

“That sounds good,” Ness agreed, her hands retreating from where they were tangled in his hair. At once, Jacob clasped them, pulling her with him to sit on the couch he’d gotten to replace the one Nat took with her when she moved out.

Ness tucked her feet under her, and turned to face him. Fascinated, they watched in unison as Jacob ran his hands along her extended arms before beginning to play with her fingers, weaving his between hers just to twist them or trace their length. Time lost meaning as they contented themselves with basking in the other’s long awaited presence.

It was so different from what he expected to happen if they were ever to reunite. There was none of the awkward apologies for the past few years or the fumblings of transitioning from friends to lovers. Or even any initial getting to know you questions and conversation starters typical of a first date. Instead, there was simply a rightness that had descended over them. He felt whole and complete in a way he’d not even realized he wasn’t. They fit, and each moment between them seemed to reflect that.

“Is it all right if I stay with you tonight?” she asked, peeking up through long, curling cinnamon lashes.

“Renesmee Carlie Cullen, now that I’ve got you, I’ve no intention of ever letting you go again,” Jacob stated, absolutely serious. They would only move forward from this point on. There was no going back. 

“Sounds absolutely perfect to me,” Nessie agreed.

Jake turned her hand and placed a tender kiss against the inside of her wrist to seal the promise. He felt the way her pulse fluttered rapidly against his lips at the sensual touch and his lips twisted into a knowing smile. There was something heady about how she responded to him.

“Umm, what are you doing with all of the boxes?” she asked suddenly, craning her neck to turn and search the room. There were columns of boxes stacked about the room reaching from floor to ceiling in some cases.

“Oh, well… “

“Well?” Ness prodded, turning back to him.

“I was moving, but I guess that’s something we’ll need to talk about and decide --”

“Where? Where are we moving?”

“I bought a house in Port Gamble, and I’m supposed to start a new job next month in Seattle, but I can back out. I’m sure I can find an engineering job in Laramie or somewhere nearby. Then we can decide together what to do after you graduate.”

“No way! Jacob, I want to move home more than anything, but I couldn’t before because of my family,” Ness said happily, excitement making her bounce a little. A trait she’d no doubt learned from Alice. “I didn’t want to hurt them by taking off or end up somewhere alone. But this is perfect. They’ll understand.”

“What about school?” Jake asked, concerned that she felt like she had to sacrifice for him to have his dreams at the expensive of hers. He never wanted her to feel like that was necessary. More, if anyone needed to give something up, it should be him. He was the one that made her wait. Plus, she’d taken the initiative to come to him. He owed her the future she wanted. Besides, it wasn’t like there wasn’t time for him to pursue his own thing at some later date.

“I’ll transfer,” she fired off a second later. The stubborn, mutinous expression she wore announced that she was preparing to argue her side.

“If that’s what you want,” he agreed, conceding the moment he realized she was serious. It was her choice. Who was he to second guess or question her decisions? His only job was to support and encourage her. 

The look of shock that stole over her face was too much for him to resist. Jake hauled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her and sighing when she settled against him, fitting easily into his impromptu embrace. Her solid weight and warmth assured him she was real. That they were planning a future where they’d be together.

“Thank you,” she said, tipping her head to lightly kiss his neck. He swallowed thickly in response. “Before… Nahuel… Is it all right to talk about him?”

“Of course. He’s been a part of your life. It won’t hurt me to know you were happy and that you lived your life before you got here -- I’m glad you did. And you know I did too,” he promised at once. And he meant every word.

“True,” Ness agreed, shifting to snuggle closer and free her arm so her fingers could trace a path up and down the iron band of his arm around her waist.

“When you’re ready, I’d love for you to share everything I missed,” he said, capturing her hand and moving to place it on his cheek to indicate that he’d like her to use her gift to share it.

“Everything?” she asked dubiously.

“Everything,” he confirmed. He wanted all of her, as well as the chance to show her that he accepted her unconditionally. “I want to be part of all of your memories -- even when I wasn’t around.”

“You were always in my thoughts, and my heart. But I’ll only do it if you share as well,” she countered.

“Done,” he agreed, and prompted, “Now what were you going to tell me about Nahuel?”

“He asked me to stay in Chile with him last summer. Only I couldn’t imagine leaving school and my friends. Now that I have the chance again, I can’t wait. You make all the difference. You. The place. Reuniting with old friends. It’s a chance I’d not dared hope for,” Nessie explained, enthusiasm and anticipation oozing from her, a water balloon full to bursting. “I always feared we wouldn’t get the chance to move back until everyone I cared about was long dead.”

“I’m glad I can give this to you,” Jake said seriously, smiling at how well this worked out for both of them. Not to mention how well their desires lined up. It was further proof that they belonged together.

“When do we move?” she asked, treading her fingers with his and squeezing. He could imagine the list forming in her head of all the things she needed to take care of to make it happen.

More, he positively relished the way she already so casually used the word we in reference to the future and their plans. They were a team now. A single unit, forever entwined from this point on. 

He ducked his head to kiss her again, and she responded at once. This kiss was harder. Fiercer. An indelible brand upon her soul, and she reacted in kind, branding him in turn.

“Tuesday,” he breathed against her lips, his lips brushing over hers as he spoke the word.

“Guess I got here just in time,” she chuckled.

“Yep. It’ll make fixing up the place easier. We can decide everything together… if you’re up for it, that is,” he added, not wanting to make assumptions, but hoping she’d want to add her input and truly make it theirs. The enthusiastic nod he received waylaid his concerns. 

Already he knew how different it would be living with Ness than it had been with Natalie. They were better at communicating, always had been—at least when they were together. They didn’t lie to each other when they were face to face. He only ever had once. Never again would he. And all the little white lies and half truths she’d told over the years would hopefully stop now that they were on the same page. He hoped that would be the case, at least. He didn’t plan on giving her a reason to in the future. 

Plus, they had so much more in common. It wouldn’t be hard to discover things they both liked. Part of Jacob’s mind reminded him that this would be Ness’s first time living with a man. He’d need to keep that in mind if they did run into any unexpected issues.

“What’s the house like right now?” she asked, genuinely curious.

“Bit of a mess, actually. Four bedrooms, three bathrooms. Jared’s construction crew helped replace the plumbing and wiring, but it still needs a new roof, new floors, a kitchen remodel, and one of the bathrooms needs all new fixtures,” he listed, ticking off the various items he was already aware of, and knowing there’d no doubt be more once they actually moved in and were living in the place.

“Are we going to do it ourselves?”

The way she smiled at the idea told Jacob she’d not baulk at the physical labor required to do what needed to get done. In fact, she’d probably enjoy the challenge. She’d always been game for learning something new. “That was my plan,” he said, nodding. 

Ness’s reaction was so different from how Natalie would have reacted. Already, it was getting harder to remember why he’d ever loved her. He had, but not in a lasting way. 

Bella had been his first crush. The first time he’d had a viable interest in the opposite sex. Natalie, his first love. The kind that taught life lessons and allowed a person to grow, but ultimately failed to hold up against the test of time and obstacles as people and circumstances changed. But Ness… she was his soulmate. A perfect partner and equal in all ways. A mountain prepared to weather the elements day in and day out while regularly enjoying the brilliant sunshine.

“I arranged things so I have about a month off between jobs. Today was my last day at Philips. Aiden and I were supposed to spend the weekend surfing, but he called a couple hours ago and canceled, saying we’d just go Monday after he got off work instead,” Jacob explained.

“Probably because Leah told him I was on my way here. I called her to get your address,” Ness admitted sheepishly.

“Sneaky. She didn’t give me a heads up. So much for loyalty,” Jacob grouched playfully.

“Guess your pack just prefers me,” Ness teased, laughing at his mock outrage.

“Sure, sure. Speaking of the pack. The house is an easy commute to both Seattle and La Push, so we can visit as often as you want,” Jacob informed her, expanding on the virtues of where they’d be calling home. Hopefully for a very long time.

“That’ll be good. I feel awful that I didn’t get around to visiting at all this last year. I was so caught up with… “ Ness said, trailing off suddenly.

Jacob decided against mentioning how sick Billy had been just then. He’d tell her later. His dad still didn’t want people knowing and making a fuss over him, but Ness was family and deserved to know. But right now, he wanted to focus instead on easing her discomfort.

“It really is all right to talk about him. Can I ask what happened -- why you’re here with me and not in Wyoming with him?” Jacob asked, then added in a rush, “Not that I’m complaining, mind you, but I’ll admit that I am a little confused.”

“I ended things with him a couple months ago,” Ness said quietly, steely anger underlying the words. Detecting it, Jacob found his ears perking up. A wolf catching the scent of a new target.

“Why?” he asked, attempting to remain calm.

“He wanted to be part of my family more than he wanted me,” she said vaguely. He wondered what else she wasn’t saying. Before he could ask, she continued, “Jacob, I should tell you… Nahuel isn’t the reason I decided to come here. Brady is.”

All thoughts of Nahuel vanished. The name of one of one of his newest pack members throwing him. They’d run together not even two months ago on the reservation when Jacob had celebrated the pup’s graduation and imminent departure for law school. When had Brady even seen Ness? Let alone done something that resulted in sending her to Jacob? He couldn’t wait to thank him for helping Jacob out and having his back.

“Brady? I didn’t know you two were friends,” he said, feeling her tense in his arms. Suddenly, he became aware of how nervous she was. Why was she afraid to tell him --

“He’s been staying with Seth. We got close this summer,” she said meaningfully, interrupting his thoughts.

“Oh!” he gasped, suppressing the urge to laugh. “Well that’s… unexpected,” he acknowledged, wondering how that had come about. He’d have to persuade her to share more later.

“Are you mad? Please don’t be,” she begged.

“No. No, Ness,” he rushed to reassure her, his bark of laughter finally escaping. She frowned in confusion, so he started to explain, “Your decisions are yours to make. I’ll never begrudge you something you desire. Just as your heart and body are yours to do with as you please.” Ness opened her mouth to say something, but when she paused, he continued, “Though the pack mind might get a little interesting next time we run together.”

“Oh man, I didn’t even think of that,” she groaned, burying her face in her hands. Gently, he pulled them away, kissing the backs of her fingers and offering an understanding smile. 

Now that Ness was his, he’d kill anyone else that touched her. Literally. But he’d meant what he said. Before today, he’d not had the right to stake a claim, and therefore couldn’t be upset or hurt that she’d been with others. Hopefully, she’d be as understanding. 

Nessie reached out to cup his cheek. He expected her to use her gift, but instead she said, “He made me realize I never stopped wanting you, and that I always would.” He’d assumed it was something like that.

“I broke up with Natalie as soon as I realized I wanted you that way too,” Jacob offered, not knowing how much she wanted to know about that time in his life. She’d said she did earlier, but he didn’t know if she was ready now or if he should wait until she specifically asked.

“When did you know?” she asked. Did she honestly not know?

“When I let you go,” he replied, referencing the conversation when he’d not spoken up, and instead led her straight to the waiting Nahuel.

“I’m glad you did,” she said, nodding. “I needed that. Now I know exactly what I need to be happy.”

He’d figured that would happen. It certainly had for him. “Maybe you should tell me, so I can make sure I meet all of your criteria,” he coaxed, wanting to make sure she never lacked for wanting something he wasn’t giving her.

“I want someone that makes me laugh,” she said, using his hand to tick off the quality.

“I’m a funny guy,” Jacob replied lightly, grinning when he saw how her lips twitched at his words.

“That you are. I want someone that appreciates art,” she added, tilting her head to meet his stare and ticking off another finger. 

Obviously this was very important to her, and it would be no hardship on him. He had all of the videos she’d ever made him saved on his computer, and two of the postcards she’d sent framed because he loved seeing them on his wall everyday. He couldn’t wait to unpack that box and see her face when she discovered it. 

Plus, his hobby of woodcarving could be considered art, so it was already an interest he pursued. It’d be nice to spend more time doing it. He’d always enjoyed it immensely.

“I’ve always been in awe of your talent,” he admitted honestly.

“You’re the one that inspired my passion for it, and now it’s such a huge aspect of who I am,” she revealed, letting him in on a secret he’d not known. Had it been the camera he’d given her all those years ago? He’d have to ask another time. They had time now. Time to learn all of each other’s little secrets and nuances. 

“What else?” he demanded.

“I want someone who isn’t afraid of my fathers,” she said, and Jacob suspected from the distaste in the way she said it, that it had been a sticking point for her and Nahuel. Brady had never struck him as the type to fear vamps given his wolf side.

“When have I ever been?” he asked drolly, rolling his eyes. 

Because it was true. They didn’t scare him. Never had. He and Edward had gone head-to-head numerous times over the years without him flinching. He was also fairly certain he’d win in a fight with them -- even against Jazz. Not that it’d ever come to it. That would hurt Ness, so he’d never try. But the fact was, he could.

“Never,” she acknowledged, relaxing and laughing easily at some private memory. “And I want someone that I can have adventures with -- without compromising myself in the process,” she announced, pressing her lips together while a little wrinkle formed between her eyes.

“I’ve always loved adrenaline rushes. We’ll see the world. We’ll surf thirty foot waves. We’ll climb mountains. We’ll play and laugh and tease each other. We’ll love truly and passionately. We’ll try everything at least once,” he vowed, again not prying into what she hadn’t said. The realization that they had time to discover all the little things they’d missed in each other’s lives still fresh in his mind.

This time Ness initiated their kiss. Accepting the promise he made of a thousand, thousand lifetimes of fun and excitement. Privately, he extended the vow to include trying to surprise her on a regular basis and ensure she was constantly reminded about how much he cherished her.

“And what about you? What do you want?”

“I want to love you forever,” he stated sincerely. It was the easiest question he’d ever been asked to answer. 

Everything she wanted, he wanted too. Except he’d trade not being afraid of her fathers with loving his -- a fact he was already certain of. 

It wasn’t because she was his imprint. That had nothing to do with why he loved her. He’d figured that out a while ago. It was just her. Like Seth said, she’d grown into his perfect other half.

“Jacob,” Ness sighed, half exasperated and half awed.

“I never said that to her. Never said the words,” he blurted, suddenly realizing the fact. It hadn’t been a conscious withholding, just something that happened. And kept happening.

“It doesn’t mean you didn’t,” she pointed out tenderly, reaching up to cup his face and let him see she wasn’t hurt by the knowledge.

“Yes,” he agreed. “But those words are for you alone.”

“I gave you my heart a long time ago, and it’s been yours ever since,” Ness declared.

“I suppose that’s only fair, since you have mine,” Jacob said, eyes stinging with emotion as he kissed her again. And again.

~

They’d stayed up late, spending hours sharing about the last couple years. Eventually, he’d coaxed her to use her gift to show him many of the events she described. After a while, she’d nodded off, falling asleep against his shoulder around four in the morning. Jacob had carried her back to his bed and tucked her in, sliding in beside her and holding her. He’d been unable to sleep himself, too caught up in watching her. 

It was during that time that an idea had come to him. Morning was just beginning in truth, the bright sun rays slicing into the room from between his blinds to produce stripes across his bedroom floor when he eased out of bed and finally released his hold on Ness. Quietly, he stuffed one of the only outfits he’d not packed into the bag he’d set aside for keeping his essentials in for the next week while he got settled into his new house and slowly unpacked. Then he grabbed the bag Nessie had brought and looked for a change of clothes to pack for her as well.

“Are you going somewhere?” Ness murmured sleepily from his bed, watching him as she stretched an arm above her head. “With my stuff?” she added, clearly confused.

Jacob grinned at her, and simply said, “Road trip.” 

“Where to?”

“That’s a surprise,” he answered evasively. She’d asked for adventure. What better way to provide it than a mysterious trip to an unknown destination? Besides, it wasn’t really about where they went, it was about their making the journey together.

“Jake!” she whined, despite her brilliant smile ruining the effect. 

He watched her climb out from beneath his thin sheets -- it was too hot with their combined heat for more -- the sight getting to him. It didn’t matter that they’d done nothing in the bed or that she was still fully dressed. Just having her there was something he’d not dared hope for. He kissed her the second she was close enough for him to tug against him. And he would have kept kissing her for a whole lot longer if the knock on his front door hadn’t interrupted. 

“I’ll get that,” Ness offered, detangling herself and flitting from the room.

“Who was it?” he asked when she returned a minute later.

“Leah. I think she just wanted to see if I was really here. But at least she brought breakfast. She said your kitchen was already all packed up. Oh and she’s expecting us for dinner on Monday,” Ness said quickly, exchanging the bag of food for the clothes and toiletries he had kept out for her. That sounded like something Leah would say. He’d probably get an earful from her on Monday. One look at Ness, and all he could think was, Totally worth it.

“Remind me to thank her. I’m starved. How are you? Do you need to hunt?” he asked, wondering where she’d be able to do that around San Diego. Options were rather limited, so he’d need to figure something out for her during this weekend trip if she needed to before it was time to move north.

“I’m fine. I hunted two days ago, so I’m good for a few more,” she said, giving him the sweetest look. He could feel himself blushing, but he really did feel the urge to look after her. 

“Then why don’t you freshen up while I eat, then we can hit the road,” he suggested, knowing she’d not want anything that Leah had brought for him.

They drove for hours, windows rolled down and singing along to the radio at the top of their lungs. Occasionally, they talked about other things that they’d run out of time discussing the night before, or shared little tidbits. Jacob was filing every piece of information away -- from the songs she did or didn’t like, to the places and things she hoped to one day see or try. 

Not long after they left his place, they entered Mexico, and he was glad that her passport had been in her purse. Not that it really mattered, they could have just as easily traveled East or North. The direction he’d initially decided on was inspired by Ness’s bohemian skirt. It reminded him of what he’d seen women wearing in Mexico each time he and Aiden drove down, looking for a change of pace, to surf.

“Do you even have a destination in mind?” Ness asked suspiciously.

“Nope,” Jake said, popping the P, and grinned happily. “Figured we’d stop once we found something interesting.”

“That sounds like a great idea,” she agreed, thrilled to go along with the impulsive plan.

A few times they stopped for Ness to take pictures, and she indulged him by explaining how everything worked, and why she wanted the picture she did. It fascinated Jacob, and made him long to see the world through her eyes. She viewed things with such promise and wonder, not jaded by the world or disappointed that things weren’t always perfect.

Afterwards, they sat for a while discussing photography. He wasn’t at all surprised to learn one of her photos had been selected for an art show. Her talent was unmistakable, and he was proud of her for allowing others to witness it. 

“Are you planning to pursue that? Showing more of your work?”

“No. It was too exhausting,” Ness confessed, leaning against his side as they watched waves crashing against the base of the cliff they sat on.

“Exhausting?” he prodded, wanting to know more, needing to know everything.

“All the agonizing and doubt. My best work is very private, and I hated all the worrying about what other people thought. I spent the whole time second-guessing myself,” she explained. He squeezed her hip in comfort, letting her know he understood and using the single intimate touch to let her know he supported her decision. “It’s better if they’re just for me and the people I love.”

They’d only been driving for another two hours when Nessie exclaimed, “Oh, Jacob, look! It’s so beautiful. Can we stop here?”

“Sure,” he said, agreeing with her. The tiny town was painted in an array of colors making it look vibrant and inviting. Each adobe-style building had a fresh coat of paint, and the main street had people gathered in a little town square, talking and laughing leisurely in the late afternoon heat. A marble fountain formed the centerpiece with benches staged here and there facing it, and historic buildings surrounded it like so many soldiers guarding a precious treasure.

“And apparently, you’re ready for dinner anyways,” she said after his stomach growled a lion’s roar, interrupting what he’d been about to say. 

They found a tiny place with tables set up inside and outside the front of the colorful structure. Lights and sashes of draped fabric decorated the front in a festive array. He and Nessie were seated at one of the outdoor tables, and had a perfect view of the sunset as they ate. Ness ordered for them in perfect Spanish, and he recalled how she used to love learning new languages. 

“Do you still study languages?” he asked once the waiter had their order.

“Not really, no,” she admitted, face pinching and looking troubled.

“How come?” he asked, curious. “You used to love all the little nuances and little variations that made them unique.”

“I’m not really sure. I guess I just lost interest when we moved to Alaska. I’m surprised you even remember that,” she murmured.

“I remember everything that’s ever happened between us,” he said frankly. Ness reached over and took his hand. Instantly, a flash of her teasing him over using the word verb tense in Guatemala played out in his head. The scene was accompanied with a distinct impression of fondness. She remembered too. “Maybe it’s a hobby you’ll get back into one day.”

“If we’re really going to travel, I suppose I’ll have a reason to,” Ness replied, anticipation lighting her face. And Jacob was the one responsible for putting it there. 

It humbled him to see how entwined they already were, each at least partially responsible for the other’s happiness. It was a challenge he suddenly felt sure he could face, and a goal he knew he’d enjoy striving to achieve everyday. 

More than that, it was incredible how synchronized they already were. Two halves that belonged together, and were woefully incomplete when separated. They could sit in silence or talk, and it never dragged or became awkward.

“Dance with me?” Jacob asked once they’d finished eating, Jacob finishing Nessie’s plate once she’d finished picking at the food, and the sun was no longer visible. The lively music seemed to be calling to him, urging him to take advantage of the moment -- begging him to make a memory to replace their last disastrous dance.

“You’re not serious,” Ness laughed, glancing around in confusion. There wasn’t a defined dance floor, or even a cleared space -- just the parking lot. 

“Why not?” Jake demanded, standing and holding out a hand to her.

Giggling, Ness shook her head, gesturing to the near empty area. Only four tables had guests, with the other three tables all inside and happily eating. “Um, maybe because no one else is?”

“So?” he countered, capturing her hand and pulling her up, away from the table. 

She followed willingly, though he sensed she was preparing to make another token protest. He stopped her by settling his hand low on her back, and relishing the way her breath caught at the contact.

“Jacob!” she gasped, falling against his chest when he lightly tugged her closer. Her flushed face and merrily glowing eyes nearly brought him to his knees.

“I wanted an excuse to hold you close,” he admitted, utterly undone by the woman staring at him as though he were the moon. Not realizing she was the sky filled with stars and his entire motivation had been to become part of her world.

“You never need an excuse,” she vowed, moving easily in step with him.

“Ness, I’m all in -- with you. Always,” he promised, needing her to know. Probably, she already did, she’d always figured things out faster than him, but saying it aloud helped cement it.

“We’re forever,” she agreed.

When he kissed her, it was tender. Sweet. Loving. An unhurried sampling of a fine wine, or an aged bourbon he’d waited patiently for decades to be ready and savoring every rich sip.

“There was a hotel we passed about a block that way,” Ness whispered huskily, need filling her eyes with potent desire.

Immediately, Jacob paid the bill and ushered her quickly down the street to the hotel. The moment they entered the room, Ness’s arms were around his neck and she was kissing him feverishly. Hands wandered frantically over her body, tracing every curve and dip, straining to memorize them all, the most apt student ever to exist. 

When his hands gripped the edge of her tank, Ness broke the kiss and backed up, lifting her arms over her head for him to remove the cotton barrier shielding her from his sight. The second it was off, he felt her fingers pushing insistently at his shirt, demanding he remove his own when he paused to appreciate the way the lace of Ness’s black bra cupped her breasts, the delicate filigree decorating the pale mounds with swirls and long lashes. The black on white color contrast sharply defined and enticing. Despite his desire to simply admire her, he gave in to her prodding and removed his shirt.

Her lips found his the instant his mouth was freed from his rising shirt, and ecstasy trailed over his skin like ribbons blowing in the breeze, igniting every place her fingers journeyed. His hands found her hips, clutching them in an effort to remain upright. His body was in overdrive, basking in every touch and caress of her small, hot hands over his chest and back. Never had he realized how sensitive that skin could be if touched by the right person. 

Detaching her lips, Ness skimmed them across his cheek until she captured the shell of his ear, her tongue tracing the edge of it. His hips bucked against her in response, his shaft hardening impossibly, nearly painfully at the erotic contact.

“Jacob, touch me,” she begged.

Jake blinked, coming back to himself as he realized he’d been standing there stupefied. With practiced moves, he unhooked her bra and nudged her back another step. The backs of her knees hit the edge of the bed, and Ness let herself tumble backwards with a startled giggle.

Bending over her, Jacob braced his arms and legs on either side of her and grinned before placing feather-light kisses along her neck. When his mouth reached the swell of one breast, Ness arched her back, silently begging him to lavish attention on it.

“Ahh,” Nesie moaned, the sound encouraging him to continue sucking and teasing the puckered peak of her nipple. 

He softly kneaded one plump mound while flicking the budded tip of the other. For several minutes, he worshipped her, encouraged by her moans and her hands in his hair. 

Occasionally, he’d see flashes of his tongue circling her nipple or his teeth gently nipping or tugging on it, all of which he’d immediately do. He wondered if she even realized how she was guiding him into giving her exactly what she wanted.

All the while, their hips pressed together, rubbing deliberately and creating exquisite friction that hinted at what was to come. If Jacob wasn’t so focused on pleasing Ness, he’d probably have finished in his pants in no time at all. He felt like a teenager all over again.

It was the scent of her arousal that finally tempted him to venture further south. He might have been content to simply enjoy her reactions as he suckled on her breasts all night if the scent of her increasing desire hadn’t alerted him that she needed more. That she needed him.

Inching his hands down, he caught the top of her skirt with his fingers. They jerked, distracted, when another image filled his mind, one of him kissing and licking her core. The longing accompanying it was so keen, he nearly ripped her skirt and panties in his haste to give her precisely what she silently requested.

Slowly, he eased off the bed, moving to kneel between her spread knees. She was beautiful. Her body, a work of art that would take centuries to fully appreciate.

“Jacob, please. I’ve never, and I want --” she began, breaking off when he placed a gentle kiss on each of her inner thighs. “Please?” she gasped throatily.

“Gladly,” he said, moving to brush his lips against the apex of her thighs.

“Oh!” she gasped, bucking against his face at the teasing glimpse he gave her.

His tongue lapped at her, tracing a teasing line up along her slit from her entrance to her clit. Ness’s hips pressed forward seeking more contact when he reached the sensitive button. He gave her what her body silently demanded, focusing his efforts there. Sealing his lips against her, he flicked his tongue quickly, deliberately over her in little patterns of figure eights.

She was ambrosia. The nectar of the gods filled his mouth and he was greedy for more. The way her hips twisted and bucked encouraged him.

“Mmh,” Ness whimpered, images still flooding his mind where her hands were buried in his hair. “Yes,” she gasped when his hand trailed up her leg, moving slowly towards her core to slip first one, then two fingers into her channel. 

Jacob worked them in and out, mimicking what he longed to do with his cock once it was buried in her slick, heat. Slowly at first, then faster, pumping his fingers into her then curling the tips to hit the spot that made her gasp and buck helplessly beneath him.

“Augh, Jacob!” she cried, her inner muscles fluttering rapidly against his fingers as he drew her climax from her. His movements slowed, drawing every last drop of pleasure from her that he could before he withdrew.

Shredding his pants, Jacob climbed into bed beside her, pulling her close. She clung to him, burying her face in his neck. Her body seemed boneless, molding itself to his as he held her tightly. He was content just knowing he’d been the one to give her such pleasure.

It was several minutes before she said a word. “It’s like you read my mind, almost as soon as I wanted something, you did that exact thing,” Ness said, still a touch breathless, her chest continuing to rise and fall rapidly.

“Mmh,” he hummed, kissing her shoulder to hide his smirk. Later. He’d admit the truth to her later.

“Jacob? Before we continue, I should tell you -- I didn’t have sex with Nahuel. Brady either.”

Stunned. There was no other word for the revelation she’d just announced. He nodded, knowing she’d feel the movement, but unable to find any words. She sat up to look down at him, studying his face.

He didn’t know what to say. Should he ask why? Did it matter? It wouldn’t change anything if she had slept with either or both of them. He’d love her regardless, of course he would, but he had to admit he was surprised she hadn’t. Nahuel and she had been together for an entire year.

Except, the longer he went without speaking, the more she babbled nervously.

“I mean, we did other things -- Nahuel and I. Not much -- he’s venomous -- so we were very limited. And thinking of you sort of put a premature end to things with Brady before it went that far,” she added, wincing at some memory. “But I have done things. Just not sex. And I --”

“Ness? That’s fine. All it means is that we should slow things down a bit and savor this more tonight,” Jacob finally said, feeling his lips curve once she processed his words and relaxed.

“Slow it down? Not stop?” she confirmed.

“Only if you want us to,” he stated frankly. It was her choice. He’d be happy just getting to hold her, or possibly having a repeat of what they’d just done.

“I don’t want to stop,” she said adamantly.

“Then we won’t,” he promised, running his hands down her back and making her arch into him.

“One more thing -- you have condoms, right?” she asked quickly. 

Jacob’s mind emptied. Went totally blank. He didn’t understand. Except, then he did.

“Yeah, there’s one in my wallet,” he said roughly, knowing he’d always kept one in there. “But… Are you saying --”

“Do you really want to get into this now?” she asked dryly, raising a single brow as she stared at him.

“Do you?” he queried.

“No. And I might strangle you if you say you'd rather talk about it than make love to me right now,” she said sharply, obviously exasperated with him, even as her hand managed to find his length and her fingers began purposely stroking him.

“It can wait,” he capitulated, rocking his hips into her tight fist. 

Reaching for his discarded shorts, Ness continued pumping him, smirking slightly when he bucked roughly into her hand when she tugged unexpectedly. It was difficult to focus and concentrate long enough to remove the condom with her skillful actions.

“Ness? You’ve got to stop if you want us to have sex,” he groaned, easing her hand away and replacing it with a condom. 

“I turn you on,” she marvelled, wonder showing clearly on her face. Jacob leaned over her, pressing a kiss first to one cheek, then the other.

“More than you can possibly imagine,” he admitted, kissing the tip of her pert nose then brushing his own lightly against hers. 

Jacob’s hand slowly caressed Ness’s body, skating over her breast, pausing only long enough to gently tweak her nipple, before inching down between her legs to trace her slit. The sound of her breath catching was a drug. He dipped the tip of his finger inside her entrance then dragged it up to slowly circle her clit. Her hips jerked, lifting off the bed and pushing against his hand, seeking out more contact.

“I’m betting it’s the same effect you have on me,” she insisted, fingers clutching at his shoulders as she held him tighter to her. Lightly, he placed kisses to each of her closed eyelids. 

“Sure, sure,” he agreed, willing to give her that one considering he could feel the truth in her words as he worked his hand against her. While his thumb continued to tease her sensitive nub, his fingers slowly entered her again, steadily moving in and out.

His lips found her neck. Hot, wet kisses that marked her as his. She tasted of honey and passion. Beneath his tongue, he detected the way his actions caused her pulse to jump, her rapid heartbeat pounding irregularly. 

Then Jacob was the one gasping when Nessie’s lips closed over the shell of his ear. Her tongue flicked over the sensitive skin and his hips involuntarily ground against the bed, suddenly desperate for friction. 

“Augh, Ness,” Jake moaned, all the blood in his body rushing to his groin and leaving him light-headed.

“Jacob, please, I want you,” she begged, rocking her hips harder against his hand. He’d planned to tease her for longer, but he was unable to deny her request, needing her just as much.

His fingers slowly withdraw from between her legs, coasting up to massage her breast once more. Unable to help himself, Jake ducked his head to suck the taunt peek of her nipple, catching it between his teeth to lightly tug it.

“Please, Jacob. I need --” she broke off with a quiet whimper, and he knew she was ready. They both were. There’d be time later to tease and take things slower.

“I love you, Nessie,” Jake whispered, locking eyes with her as he settled over her. Automatically, her legs spread, wrapping around his waist and allowing him to settle into the V of her thighs.

Their bodies lined up perfectly, further proof that they were made for each other. Interlocking pieces. Achingly slowly, Jacob eased into her, careful not to hurt her. She was far too precious to him to willingly be the source of pain for her.

It was the first time he’d ever entered a woman’s body and not had had the unwelcome sensation that his cock was sinking into a refrigerator. Seth might enjoy that, but it had always been a bit jarring and unsettling for him. But Nessie was as hot as him. And he felt the heat of her surround him snuggly in a velvet fist.

“I love you,” she replied, gasping, her breath catching as he entered her a millimeter at a time, pausing then pulling back only to push in just a little farther each time.

Once he was fully seated within her, her channel surrounding him like a burning fist, he waited, giving her time to adjust to the unfamiliar invasion. Jacob watched her, reveling in the sensations playing out across her face. It was like looking in a mirror. All of the wonder and completion he felt was reflected back at him.

The feather-light kisses she rained on his clenched jaw urged him to move. Their hips rocked together, slow and tender. All the while their hands roamed, petting, caressing, stirring the other. Lingering kisses landed on whatever surface their mouths could reach, occasionally finding their partner to sip and savor, tongues dueling. 

Desire flared. A fire building, growing into a raging inferno. Every kiss, every touch, every stroke acting as fuel to ignite it further. 

“You’re perfect,” Jacob whispered, burying his face in her neck and clenching his teeth to hold back, worried he’d hurt her if he lost the precarious grip he was managing to maintain on his control. Never had he been so close to the edge that he risked that tightly bound restraint losing it’s leash. 

Images of him speeding up, their hips coming together faster, generating more friction filled his head. Absently, he realized Ness was projecting her thoughts, likely without realizing it as she had earlier. Fantasies, desires that he was compelled to follow seeing as they perfectly matched his own. 

“More,” she breathed, even as he picked up the pace, pushing harder into her.

Then he saw himself touching the most sensitive place on her body, rapidly flicking it the way he had earlier with his tongue. 

“Ahhh!” she cried out the instant that his finger made contact.

Nessie’s nail dug into his back, and her back arched, pressing her chest flush against his own. He moved to see her, desperate to witness the pleasure he was responsible for giving her. A deep scarlet blush bloomed in her cheeks, and her pupils dilated.

“Jacob,” she gasped, startled. His name was swallowed by his mouth claiming hers.

The first delicate flutterings danced across his length, her muscles seizing and spasming around him, clenching him tighter within her body, threatening to never let go. That was fine by him. He was finally home and he had no desire to ever leave. 

Then Nessie was soaring off a cliff, arms thrown wide as she plummeted through a rain of fireworks, bliss and love blasting into him, swelling to a crescendo. Jacob followed her over the cliff, his own orgasm as intense as the one she inadvertently shared with him while her body locked around him in a vice grip. 

Jacob’s arms weaved around Ness, rolling until her body was sprawled across his chest, their legs tangled with each other and the covers. Both were breathing in quick, shallow pants. When Nessie trembled slightly, he pulled her even closer, nestling her into the crooks and dips of his body until he no longer knew where he ended and she began. 

Discreetly, so as not to disturb the wondrous woman in his arms, Jacob removed the condom and tossed it onto the foil wrapper to take care of later. Because no way was he getting out of bed just then.

Neither spoke, words weren’t needed right then for them to understand one another perfectly. It was peaceful and perfect, both content to bask in the glowing aftermath of their union. Ness pressed a soft kiss to his chest, just over his heart, making his breath catch. His fingers lightly trailed up and down her back and arms, offering tender caresses that silently shouted his love as they slowly nodded off.

~

Ness’s head was resting on his shoulder when he woke, her hands lightly skimming low over his stomach, nails gently scratching in a way that almost tickled, and definitely stirred him. 

“Morning,” he murmured, having never woken feeling as incredible as he did just then. 

“Last night… Jacob, that was so perfect. Is it always like that?” she asked, moving to prop her chin on him. He knew exactly what she meant. It’d not been like that for him with anyone else. Nowhere near. Only Ness inspired that depth of an emotional response within him, and it was so much better because of it.

“For us, yeah. I promise it will be,” he vowed, cherishing the adoring look she gave him when he said that.

They walked through town before leaving, strolling leisurely. 

“We should get something for the house,” Ness suggested when they passed a market with several stalls set up displaying items for sale.

“What do you have in mind?” he asked, dubiously eyeing the maracas.

“What about a blanket for the living room? And maybe a mask to hang on the wall? We could get something everywhere we go and use them to decorate our home,” she said enthusiastically, squeezing his hand and staring at him with her huge brown eyes.

“I’d like that,” he agreed, knowing he’d want to remember this place forever. The place they’d come together as one for the first time.

After about an hour on the road, they stopped for gas, and he remembered something she’d asked about their first night together. Did he fall in love with her because of the imprint? He’d immediately said no, and it was the truth. But after feeling the way her pleasure seemed to almost compel his own, he was a little curious about something.

“Ask me to do something outrageous,” he requested, returning the dipstick to the pump.

Nessie blinked at him, a bemused expression making her lips tilt up as she thought for a moment. “Put on my skirt and go inside to steal a candy bar.”

“No,” he snorted, picturing himself doing that and barking out several loud laughs. “Huh,” he said, amused and beaming at Ness.

“Care to share what that was all about?” she asked dryly, though she returned his smile, seemingly helpless not to.

“I used to wonder -- or maybe always feared -- that imprinting… that if we were together… that I’d lose my freewill,” he admitted regretfully. It was a product of Sam and how his former alpha had always described it. Like they were slaves to the imprint, destined to obey any and all commands, and forced to be happy with it being that way.

“You thought you’d have to do whatever I said?” she asked, startled, though he could she she was seriously contemplating what he’d said. “You don’t though, right?”

“I know it’s silly, and I know you’d never take advantage if it did turn out to be that way, but that’s the way it was always described, and that’s how Jared and Sam are with their imprints. Their every action is with the express purpose of pleasing their imprints. I guess I just wanted to prove it didn’t have to be like that,” Jacob explained. He’d seen enough of Paul and Rachel over the years to know it didn’t have to be that way, but he’d wanted to verify that it was the same for him and Nessie. He had a feeling that if it did turn out to be that way, she’d eventually feel too guilty to stay with him, even if he didn’t have a problem with it.

“What if I said it would make me very happy if you’d cut your hair for me?” she said, studying him closely, but he could see the spark of mischief in her eye.

“I’d still say no,” he replied. “Which you already know.”

Basing decisions on what would make her happiest might happen periodically, but that wasn’t because of the imprinting. That was just the way relationships worked. People made compromises or did things the other person liked because they cared -- not because they didn’t have a choice.

“Yes, I do,” she said, smiling indulgently at him as she got in the car. “And anyways, I prefer your hair longer -- gives me something to hold on to.” 

“Damn, woman,” he muttered, hauling her close and fastening his mouth to hers, nibbling on her lower lip when she started to pull back. He was nowhere near down with her yet.

They’d just pulled out of the station when he asked, “Regarding other matters we should discuss… Condoms?”

“There’s no guarantee. It’s just a precaution for now so it’s not my mom all over again… but Grandpa said it might be possible,” Ness said softly, watching him from the passenger side.

“Is that something you want?”

“Not anytime soon,” she said emphatically. 

“Well that’s good. I’m not ready to share you,” Jake admitted.

He refused to think about Bella’s pregnancy. It had been terrifying and traumatic. Ness had just said she wasn’t ready, so concern for her safety and the possibility that she might endure something similar was a worry that he could postpone until they decided it was time to try. He’d think about it then, and not a moment sooner.

“There is a time limit though. Maybe fifteen more years. After that, I definitely can’t,” she added quietly, sounding almost uncertain. Was she afraid he’d be mad about that? There were always time limits on that sort of thing.

“So we have time, fifteen years means we don’t have to rush. And when you’re ready, when we both are,” he amended, emphasizing that they were in this together, “we’ll try and see what happens.”

“Thank you. You have no idea how much your reaction just now means to me,” she said. But it was everything she didn’t say that he was most curious about.

“I love you,” he stated, sensing she needed to hear the affirming words just then, and the suspicion was confirmed when he saw her visibly relax. “And I’ll love you if it’s just us or if we have ten... uh, wait, maybe more like four, kids,” he said, rethinking his declaration.

“Four sounds good. I think I’d like that -- someday.”

They stopped along a deserted stretch of highway just off the coast on the way home, deciding a swim would be nice in the crystal blue-green water since they were both roasting in the late summer heat. The Rabbit’s air conditioning needed to be looked at soon -- no way was this light breeze going to cut it for two supernatural beings that ran hot. The ocean was calm, with tiny waves barely disrupting the stillness, lapping at the white sand shore.

Pulling off on the shoulder, they began climbing down the boulders and making their way to the little sandy cove shielded from the road to have a bit of privacy. The water was only a few feet deep and looked like a brilliant aquamarine with the sunlight reflecting prisms of broken light off the translucent surface. 

“You know we could… “ she said suggestively once she’d stripped down to just her panties. Jacob loved how comfortable she already felt around him, not to mention how much he enjoyed getting to look his fill of her in the noonday sun with her faintly shimmering skin on full display.

“Shit, Ness. I didn’t get anymore condoms,” he groaned, metally chastising himself. He’d been so stupid, particularly considering he’d been thinking about needing them when they’d stopped at the gas station.

“While I didn’t have sex before last night, I did learn a few other things. Would you like me to show you?” Ness offered, a devious spark in her eye as she trailed a finger lazily down his chest. 

Jacob reacted instantly to her words, feeling himself quickly harden and knowing she was watching it happen since he’d already removed all of his own clothes. “Like there’s a chance in hell I’d say no to an offer like that.” 

It wasn’t something he’d ever really indulged in, his past relationships all insisting he was too large and that they’re rather just have sex and skip the foreplay. But after last night? Jacob realized he was big on foreplay. He could spend hours, weeks even, learning Nessie’s body and never once grow bored. Every inch of her was too spectacular for him not to want to discover it.

She dropped to her knees before him, lightly kissed the tip of his shaft, just a teasing, fleeting brush of petal soft lips, before she engulfed him into the heat of her mouth. 

“Fuck,” he hissed, unprepared for how much he enjoyed her attentions. Or for her apparent skill. 

This wasn’t some hesitant, relcantant tease undertaken in the hopes of having him return the favor either. She devoured him, glorying in pleasuring him, and in doing so, owned him completely. It was a brutal assault on his nerves. Every single one roaring to life in an instant.

Her natural heat meant her mouth actually felt warm to him, a sensation he’d never before experienced, and one that already made this significantly more enjoyable. Just like last night had. His hands tangled in her wild curls, the strands appearing as bands around his wrists, imprisoning him. And he was her willing captive. Hers to do with as she pleased. 

Ness took him deep, hollowing her cheeks to create a pleasurable suction and swirling her tongue over him. Their eyes locked, and she watched him while the pointed tip of her tongue ran up the length of the vein along the underside of his shaft. Her head bobbed, retreating to flick her tongue across the head, lapping up the leaking precum, only to draw his thickness into the cavern of her mouth once more. 

When her hand came up to gently massage his balls, he lost it, control crumbling to pieces. His scrotum tightened, preparing for his imminent release.

“Ness!” he cried, warning her, but she just sucked harder, using her gift to show him releasing in her mouth.

The last did it, the image sending him over the edge and Jacob exploded, feeling himself empty in rough jets dragged out of him that she swallowed greedily.

“I want to taste you everyday,” she boldly announced, looking up at him.

“Only if I get to taste you too,” he said, utterly serious and hoping she’d want him to before they finished driving home.


	17. 16 Part 2: The future never looked so good - Jacob

Author’s Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think! 

I’m trying really hard to finish this story up by the end of the month so I can focus on the other Bella/Jasper story I started. I kept mixing up details of what happened in which story, so I paused that to finish this up first -- at least the rough draft of the remaining chapters. Thanks for your patience if you’re anxious for an update in that one -- I promise it’s coming soon!

The theme song for this chapter is _Love Song_ by The Cure.

PS I’m not Stephenie Meyer, so I don’t own anything :(

~

Ch 16 Part 2: The future never looked so good - Jacob

Year 8 - 2013-2014

August

Jacob was working on the roof while Ness was inside painting one of the bedrooms. It was the first day they’d not been working together, and he couldn’t wait to finish up and rejoin her. He’d spent more time today thinking about her than he had working. Being together was better than anything he ever dared hope for. They’d been living in their new house for three weeks, and had made significantly more progress on the renovations than he’d expected too since there’d been two of them working -- on their first home together. 

The first week, they’d remodeled the kitchen. New cabinets, countertops, backsplash and appliances. The second week, they’d put new hardwood floors through the house, everywhere except the bathrooms. Those were getting new tiles at some point in the future. This week, he was focused on the outside while Ness decorated and unpacked the inside. Next week, they were hoping to tackle the gutted bathroom before he started his new job. Though Ness’s classes started in a few days, and that would limit the progress they made too. Ideally, they hoped to have the majority of the house completed before her family came to visit the following week. 

Her family had been shockingly supportive when she called to announce that she wasn’t returning, rather that she’d moved into Jacob’s house in Washington, and that she’d be transferring for her senior year. 

All Jake had asked for, was that they wait a couple weeks to give them a chance to settle in before coming to visit. He had no intention shying away from including them in the life he was building with Nessie or of being themselves in front of her family. But he did want them to have the chance to get into a routine before her parents arrived to take stock of things.

The one sticking point he had regarding them, was Ness’s need to get a little temporary distance from them. He’d detected the need when she spoke of how they all still babied her more often than not. It made her unhappy, and he couldn’t stand that. He didn’t know how it would go over when he butted in, but he planned to regardless when they visited.

Their visit would also provide an opportunity to deliver all of her belongings. Since Ness didn’t have the majority of her stuff yet, and she’d insisted it was unnecessary to buy new things when her parents would soon be bringing the rest, she’d taken to wearing a pair of his sweats and one of the tank tops she’d brought with her to work on the house in. She looked adorable, and he loved how easy going she was, not wasting hours each day getting ready just to spend the day getting sweaty and filthy at home.

Within the first week of living there, their home had become a convenient meeting spot for Quil and Kyra to come from Seattle with their kids, and Paul and Rachel to come from La Push with Thomas. Occasionally, Jared and Kim came too, and like Jake and Ness, they didn’t have any children yet either. It was nice that they had an extra room that the kids could play in while they ate dinner, played games, or watched sports together. Once in a while, his friends even pitched in to help with the renovations. 

Jacob put the ladder away and stepped inside, listening to the water running in the kitchen. He followed the sound to find Ness cleaning paint supplies in the sink.

“Our bedroom is done,” she said, tilting her head to the side, giving him access to drop a kiss on her neck. A little thrill ran up his spine at the way she said our.

“Ready to hunt?” he asked, nipping her earlobe playfully.

“I’m too tired. I’ll just wait and go in the morning,” she said breathily, pushing her hips back to rub enticingly against him. Too tired, huh? Somehow he doubted that was her reason for postponing.

“I was thinking… Do you remember when you showed me about Brady offering his blood?” The pulse in her neck jumped against his lips, then sped, her heart racing so fast it sounded like a single continuous note.

“Yes.” The exhaled word was barely audible, but with it came a wealth of anticipation.

“What if you drank some of mine?” Jacob offered, sucking lightly on the base of her neck, hinting at what he was offering. He nipped her lightly, not hard enough to break the skin, but definitely making his point. Based on the smell of her, it worked to arouse Ness as well.

“Mhmm,” she moaned, leaning back against him more fully. “Are -- Are you serious?” she asked, breaths coming in rough, shallow pants.

“Let me take care of you,” he requested, guiding her over to the table and pulling her into his lap. He glanced pointedly at where she’d started a pan of vegetables sauteeing on the stovetop while a couple chicken breasts were baking in the oven for him. He wanted to do the same for her.

“I’ve never --”

“I know,” he said, tipping his head when he saw her staring, tempting her to accept his offer.

He was a little surprised, but extremely pleased that it wasn’t hard to convince her to try this. Initially, when he’d seen the memory of Brady offering, he’d been intrigued by the idea. That had startled him. He’d expected to be repulsed. Disgusted with the evidence that she was like their natural enemies. But he wasn’t. Because she wasn’t. She didn’t lose control and massacre dozens when she encountered blood. She could smell and taste it, and still be her. For Ness, it was just her meal of choice. Same as he would pick pizza over meatloaf.

“Don’t let me drink too much,” she requested softly, kissing his neck lightly. 

The idea was almost laughable. Her appetite was significantly smaller now that she’d stopped growing. Very rarely could she even finish a small deer considering her diet was supplemented with human food here and there throughout the week when she joined him or tried to fit in among humans. And Jacob was considerably larger than a deer. Even if she drank her fill, it’d probably not be more than three pints. Plus, if she only took a little from him, she could drink from him a few times during the week if necessary.

“I heal fast. You’ll be fine,” he reassured her, swallowing thickly and shivering when he felt her teeth scrape against him.

Then they were sinking into his skin. A slight pressure followed by a pinch. Then it was just the erotic sensation of her lips sealed onto his neck and her tongue lapping at his skin. 

“Hmm,” she moaned, twisting to straddle him even as he felt the wound beginning to seal shut while she sensually suckled at it. He knew all evidence of what she’d just done had already vanished from his person by the time her mouth left his skin. 

The sound of her satisfaction was an aphrodisiac. He instantly reacted, his rod stiffening in response to her need. She didn’t bite him again. Instead, she traced the shell of his ear with the tip of her tongue and ground her hips against his, her hands tearing at his pants to free his erection. It was the hottest thing he’d ever experienced. 

“I need you,” she gasped, as he ripped her sweats at the crotch only to be greeted with the feel of her damp flesh sans underwear, already so ready for him. 

She was seriously trying to kill him. After a couple weeks of threatening to follow his lead and start going commando too, she’d finally gone and done it.

“Not half as much as I do,” he insisted, taking the condom she fished from his pocket while he’d been busy touching her. He’d taken to carrying a number of them around with him, because he never knew when or how often they’d come together. Nessie was adventurous, and her need for him was every bit as insatiable as his for her.

His words spurred her on, and the second he had the condom on, she slammed her hips down on him, taking him in fully. He guided her, arms wrapped tightly about her as she rode him fast and hard. Each movement was jerky and rough, a desperate race to the finish. 

Ness’s nails raked down his back and he bucked roughly into her in response making them both moan. Hands roamed, molding and caressing, kneading, holding on for dear life. Their mouths came together in a clash, wild and desperate, swallowing the satisfied sounds torn raggedly for each other’s throat. Their frenzied, passionate joining was a tempest and he surrendered to the maelstrom of her fully.

In no time, he felt her muscles fluttering around him, squeezing him impossibly tighter. The vice grip of her channel tore his release from him, and he spent a half thrust behind her. 

Jacob held her afterwards, feeling the fanning puffs of her panting breaths gradually slow against his neck. Then she stiffened.

“What is it? Did I hurt you?” he demanded, running his hands carefully over her back. They’d never been anywhere near that aggressive with each other. This encounter had been primal and savage in comparison.

“No, definitely not,” she breathed, lazily stretching against him like a cat waking from a light nap in the sun. Her back arched gracefully, sliding her chest over his. “I just… I’ve had a disturbing thought,” she admitted reluctantly, eyes squeezed tightly shut and a grimace twisting her lips.

“Are you going to share?” he prodded when she didn’t elaborate.

“You’ll regret asking,” she warned, but he kept her pinned with an inquisitive look. With a long sigh, she ducked her head and explained, “I just realized this is why Papa has never hunted with me around. Jazz and Bella always go alone.”

Jacob burst out laughing. “You never realized this was why?”

“I try not to think about their sex life, thank you,” she said drolly, and even though he couldn’t see with her face buried against his neck, he imagined her eyes rolling too. “But also, drinking has never had a sexual component for me before now,” she admitted quietly.

He understood. Nourishment and sex were primal desires, and she was only just beginning to unleash the hedonistic side of herself. It had always been kept in check and tightly controlled. Enticing her to freely indulge herself had been a welcome endeavor these last weeks, and something he intended to continue doing on a regular basis.

“It was intense,” he stated, rubbing her back.

“Very. Did you enjoy it?” she asked. The uncertainty in her voice made him frown. That was the most intense orgasm he’d ever had.

“What do you think?” he asked, pressing into her deeply and allowing her to feel that he was already hard again.

She gasped. “I’ll take that as a yes,” she said merrily, her eyes smoldering as she stared at him. 

“I guess it’s a good thing I recover fast. We can do this anytime you want,” he promised, standing up and laying her out on the table.

Slowly, Jake removed their torn clothing, replacing his condom with a fresh one and teasing her body to a fever pitch as he torturously made love to her again.

~

September

Ness was busy showing Edward and Jasper the view from the back porch they’d built the weekend before with Paul and Quil’s help. She’d been rushing about gushing over the place since her parents had arrived an hour earlier. Jacob took the opportunity to talk to Bella privately.

“She’ll never want for anything,” he promised, listening to Ness extolling the virtues of the view the porch provided of the water. It was for that reason that he’d gone to the extra effort of building it off the second story instead of just doing a porch against the back of the house.

“I know,” Bella said quietly, a small smile on her face. He’d forgotten over the years how quiet she usually was, only talking when she had something to say.

“I love her,” he added, wanting to make sure she understood he’d do right by her daughter. He could still remember the limitations she’d insisted upon when she woke to her new life. She’d not wanted him to steal her away, yet here he was doing that very thing.

“I know,” she repeated, likely listening to her daughter’s happiness as well.

“We need you guys to give us space for a while. She needs it,” he added, figuring this might be the best time to broach the subject.

“What are you talking about, Jake?”

“She’s not a child anymore, Bells. But you all still treat her like the baby more often than not. She still feels like she has to ask permission to do things or fight to defend her choices. I know she’s your daughter and always will be, but she needs you all to see her as more of a friend. Stop censoring yourselves around her -- laugh and joke and tease her just like you do with each other,” Jacob explained, laying out all the sticking points Ness had shared with him over the last month.

“We do,” Bella insisted, her face pinching with distress at the idea she’d ever made her daughter unhappy.

“You don’t. At least not often enough. She’s shared her memories. I’ve seen it happen more often than even she does, and I’ve felt how it hurts her. It’s frustrating and dejecting for her,” Jacob stated, placing a comforting hand over Bella’s icy, stone one. He fought the instinct to jerk away at the wrongness of her skin. She was still his friend, even if his instincts were slow to recognize her as such.

“We’ve never intentionally done that,” Bella whispered, concerned as she shook her head in denial.

“True. But don’t you remember how you felt around the Cullens when they’d discount your opinion or how small and insignificant you’d feel next to their strength when you were human? That didn’t mean they loved you any less, just that you weren’t like them. Ness is like that now. She doesn’t have your strength. There are differences that set her apart for you guys. She already works to overcome those, then everyone still treats her differently. Always trying to coset and protect her. I know you see her as precious, but for her it translates as weak and separate,” Jake said carefully. He didn’t want to hurt his friend, just shed some light on the situation, and perhaps instigate a change that would ultimately benefit Nessie.

“She’s told you all of this?” He nodded and she sighed. “She’s never said a word to us,” Bella murmured woefully.

“Because she loves you, and would never want to hurt your feelings. I think some time apart, a couple years maybe, will help you readjust your thinking and perspective,” Jacob began, and rushed to continue when he saw alarm flicker across Bella’s face. “I’m not saying don’t visit. Often even. Just don’t try to move back to be around every single day.”

“I’m sure this has nothing to do with you wanting to have her all to yourself for a while either,” Bella quipped dryly.

This was something Jacob was prepared to fight her on if she refused. But he hoped she’d understand where he was coming from and agree. “Of course it does. I’ll freely admit I want to be selfish and spend every moment of every day with her,” he replied, shrugging.

“I’m so glad you two found your way back to each other,” Bella said, surprising him. Apparently she was willing to go along with his assessment. Probably she saw the truth in what he said, and like him, wanted what was best for Nessie. In that, they would always be in agreement.

“Me too,” he said, hugging Bella. Her startled laugh made him squeeze her tighter. “I’ve missed our friendship,” he admitted. He heard from Jasper more often than Bella these days. They just didn’t have all that much in common anymore.

“I didn’t want to ever give her a reason to be jealous or doubt.”

“And here I thought you were just all caught up with Jazz,” Jacob joked, not knowing what else to say to that revelation. It was something he and Ness had yet to discuss. There wasn’t much of a point to dredge the topic up. He rarely thought of his youthful crush on Bella, and Ness didn’t seem to care, so the topic had been pushed aside in favor of more pressing or favorable subjects.

“That too,” Bella agreed with a secretive smile. “It still feels like those first few weeks in a new relationship where everything is shiny and new, and you get excited at just the thought of seeing the person.”

“It’s nice to see you so happy,” Jacob said honestly.

“I’m glad things worked out for you too. It’s easy with her,” Bella said softly, seeming lost in a memory. The words struck a chord with him and he suddenly remembered their long ago conversation. He’d once said that’s how it would be for them. Somehow he knew it never would have felt as natural or made either as happy as he and Ness were now.

“The easiest,” he replied, grinning. Ness was the source of his radiant sunshine, the fuel for his happiness.

~

“My turn I take it?” Jazz drawled, standing still as a statue in the garage. The two men faced off and Jacob noted that even now Jasper had the look of a warrior prepared to attack. For the first time, Jacob realized Jasper wasn’t here as his friend. Rather, he was here as the father of the woman Jacob was newly residing with.

“Yep,” Jake said lazily, leaning against the back wall of the messy room. They’d not had time to organize it yet. “Plus I’m hoping to get your help,” he added.

“You want help knocking this down?” Jazz asked, eyes flicking about though the rest of his body remained frozen. “You’d make a good wrecking ball. Bet I could toss you through the walls a few times and we’d be good.”

“Funny. You’re a real riot. I need help coming up with a reason to get Ness out of town for a weekend so I can turn this half into a dark room as a surprise for her,” he explained. As soon as the words left his mouth, He saw the approval in Jasper’s gaze. The minute relaxing of his stance. 

“I always hoped it would be you. You’re exactly right for her in every way,” Jazz stated calmly. Privately, Jacob agreed. And it was even better because they’d come to the same conclusion themselves, and weren’t just together because a supernatural force told them to be. “Call Rose. She’ll enjoy guilting Mae into coming for a visit when you’re ready to do it,” Jazz recommended.

“Thanks, I’ll do that. And thanks for this,” Jacob nodded, pulling out the compass, pocket watch the other man had given him so many years ago.

“Guess I gave it to the wrong person,” Jasper said drolly, crossing his arms.

“It’s meant a lot to me,” Jacob admitted, running his thumb over the top. 

“I’m glad you waited. She’ll never have a reason to doubt what she feels now. You gave her the chance to have a million experiences she wouldn’t have had if you’d always been together, and she had the chance to grow strong enough to stand beside you,” Jasper said carefully. He’d clearly put a lot of thought into the circumstances of his daughter’s relationship.

“I get it,” Jacob agreed. If they’d gotten together sooner, especially given her unusual life, Ness might not have felt as comfortable standing up to him or voicing what she wanted. She needed a chance to discover her voice before she’d been expected to use it. He’d needed the same -- if for different reasons.

“Is there anything else you wish to discuss with me?” Jasper asked, and Jacob suddenly felt slightly uneasy. The sensation creeped over him like snakes slithering across the floor to wrap around his ankles. 

He had no clue what the blond was looking for or what he wanted to hear, so he tried, “I love her.”

“Yes, I’m aware of that -- I can feel it,” Jasper said patiently, perhaps even amused. The uneasy sensation broke for a moment in the wake of his reply, and he realized he’d been picking up on Jasper’s mood.

“I’m not really sure what you’re looking for here,” Jacob confessed, a little confused.

“Your promise -- that you won’t pressure her before she’s ready,” he instructed, expression becoming menacing.

“Uh, Jazz, we’re already having sex,” Jacob said awkwardly, shifting uncertainly. He’d promised Nessie that he’d never be scared of her fathers, but he’d also not expected to have to share intimate details with them.

Jacob watched as Jasper pinched the bridge of his nose, and suddenly he felt the other man’s discomfort and slight annoyance. “Yes, I’m aware of that as well. I was referring to children.”

“Oh! That,” Jacob said loudly, relief filling him.

“Yes. That,” Jasper said very deliberately.

“We’ve already discussed it. Neither of us are ready,” Jacob explained, hoping that’s all that needed to be said on the topic for a few years at least.

“Good,” Jasper said, nodding.

“I take it you’re aware of Nahuel then,” Jake stated, frowning as he thought of all that Nessie had shared.

“Yes, but I believe Mae handled the situation just fine on her own,” Jasper said proudly.

“Do I still have your blessing?” Jacob wondered, thoughts naturally wandering towards marriage when the subject of children was introduced.

Momentary surprise fluttered across Jasper’s face, but it was brief. There and gone. If Jacob had blinked, he’d have missed it thanks to the warm smile that replaced it. “As I said before, I always hoped it would be you,” Jasper repeated, giving Jacob a quick nod.

~

He’d saved Edward for last, not knowing how his reception would go. A father-son relationship would probably never be in the cards for them, there was too much history between them, but they needed to at least become friends with one another. 

The two were silent for a long time, each studying the other. But standing with the boyish vampire now though, Jacob felt not an ounce of animosity or resentment. 

It suddenly seemed petty how he used to deliberately bait Edward with his thoughts. Once upon a time, he’d cared more about one upping the vampire than he did about the people involved. Now, the situation was very different. He cared far more about respecting Ness’s privacy and their relationship. To the point that it was almost easy to focus solely on the innocent moments between them, especially since their relationship didn’t only revolve around a sensual form of intimacy.

Who’s going to get this started? Jacob silently asked, making Edward smile reluctantly, if fleetingly.

“I owe you an apology,” Edward said quietly in response.

“Just one?” Jacob quipped, trying to lighten the mood. A ghost of a smile flickered over Edward’s face, but again it didn’t last. Foreboding settled in Jake’s stomach like a lead weight. Please tell me this isn’t about Nessie -- that you’re not against us, Jacob begged internally. That would hurt her so much to know her dad didn’t support her decision.

“For interfering in your relationship with Natalie,” Edward finally explained.

“Forget about it. Things worked out the way they were supposed to,” Jacob said lightly, sighing in relief that that was all this was about. He’d already assumed Alice’s interference had been at Edward’s urgings. It almost always was. The soothsayer had trouble telling her favorite brother no.

“You don’t want to know what Alice saw?” Edward asked, blinking in confusion.

“No. I have everything I ever wanted. I didn’t know it was possible to be this happy. I don’t want or need answers about that chapter in my life. It’s already closed, shelved, and gathering dust.”

“I’d like to know,” Ness said, stepping through the door to join them on the porch. “Sorry, couldn’t help eavesdropping,” she added, glancing guiltily at Jacob. 

“Sure you couldn’t,” he bantered, kissing her lightly when she reached his side. Seeing the way she lit up at the way he unabashedly displayed the small physical affection in front of Edward made him indescribably happy. He loved being able to give her such a meaningful gift. And the fleeting caress was no hardship on his part. He nearly ached to touch her anytime they were close. 

“I wanted to make sure he behaved himself,” she admitted, taking his hand. “Well?” she asked, directing the question to Edward. He’d been silent during their exchange, but Jacob was pleased to note he actually looked happy about it.

“Ness, what’s the point of bringing any of this up now? Besides, Alice can’t see my future,” Jacob said, not wanting to potentially upset her with a future that would no longer happen. He didn’t like that his past with Natalie had ever hurt her, and he now knew it had -- even if she swore she was glad it happened.

“She saw Natalie’s,” Edward clarified, and Jacob glared at Edward for butting in.

“If it’s bad, I want to be happy that we’re together instead,” Ness said.

“I am! You know I am,” Jacob swore, squeezing her hand meaningfully.

“Yes, I do. But I also want to know because if you would have been happy with her, I want to make sure you’re even happier with me, and that you never regret missing out on that opportunity,” Ness admitted, almost reluctantly as she winced a little.

“You already do,” he promised, kissing her softly.

“Sorry, Jacob. Her wishes trump yours,” Edward said.

“Figures,” he muttered, but used his free hand to wave Edward on. “Well, let’s get this over with.” 

Edward glanced at Ness again for confirmation to continue. “What did Alice see, Dad?”

“While it’s true that Alice can’t see you, she saw Natalie’s future at Quil’s wedding. That’s where I was while you two were dancing,” he added pointedly. Jacob remembered calling for him, and being furious and confused when Edward ignored him. “It was years from now. There was a picture of you -- you were older. Maybe forty,” he said, meeting Jacob’s intense stare.

“Oh,” he said softly, recalling the various times he’d considered quitting phasing to be with Natalie and age normally.

“Yes. Natalie was speaking to a teenage girl. From her appearance, I assume she was your adopted daughter. She --”

“Jake,” Ness whispered, interrupting Edward and spinning to face Jacob. She looked entirely too distressed for his liking. “That’s what I meant. What if I can’t give you that? What if we can’t have kids?”

“Nessie, have you ever questioned whether Seth regrets being with Alice, or thought that he was unhappy?” Jacob asked.

“No, of course not,” she replied quickly, shaking her head immediately.

“He knows she can’t have children. It doesn’t matter to him. So why would you question me? Us? Don’t you know you’re enough for me?” Jacob demanded, pulling her into his arms.

“You’re right. Sorry,” she murmured, ducking her head, embarrassed. “Guess I just got caught up there for a minute.”

“I love you. You. You’re everything -- more than enough,” Jacob said, lifting her chin and kissing her lightly.

“I love you too,” she said, kissing him again.

“Well, go on, Edward. What else?” Jacob prompted, glaring at the boy for his part in upsetting Nessie.

“Natalie was telling her that you and she were divorcing. That she and the girl were going to move to London to live with Natalie’s boyfriend. She promised you’d try to visit at Christmas every year, but that she’d probably be too busy exploring Europe during holidays to miss you anyways,” he said, painting a bleak outlook for the future he’d almost sacrificed everything for. 

He recalled how rarely Charlie had seen Bella before she’d moved to Forks, and that had been with them living only a few states apart -- not opposite sides of the planet.

“Are you saying she would have cheated on me?” Jacob asked, stunned as he noted the rest of what Edward had revealed. Based on Edward’s expression, that was precisely what Alice saw happen, and Edward had seen her do it through Alice’s thoughts. “Hmm. Yeah, she probably would have.” He’d never have kept her happy, not in the long run. They’d each changed while together, and probably would have continued growing further apart over the years.

“Why didn’t Alice just tell Jake?” Nessie asked, seeming more distraught by what she’d learned than he was.

“Alice tried just telling you, but it didn’t change anything. In fact, it happened sooner. Probably because Jacob tried so hard to prevent it,” Edward explained, and Jake knew that’s precisely what would have happened. 

If he’d found out at Quil’s wedding, he’d have probably cut all ties with his past right then and there. Particularly after the way Billy had treated her, and the confusion seeing Ness back then had caused. He’d fallen so hard for Natalie back then, he’d not have wanted to risk losing her if he could help it. Funny how time changes perspectives as well as people.

“Oh,” she said softly, squeezing his hand as though to offer comfort. He loved her so much right then, appreciating her compassion.

“Alice spent months searching for ways to alter that future. She didn’t want you to give everything up only to eventually lose your family despite it all. You and Natalie always drifted apart then she’d cheat, and you’d lose your daughter. Nothing worked,” Edward informed them, trying to justify his interference.

“Until she decided to try and make Nat jealous. It poisoned things and sped up the eventual outcome before we got as deeply involved,” Jacob said, the missing pieces from over the years coming together to form a clear picture the way a detective’s evidence board typically did with the dots all connecting and lining up.

“Yes. Alice feels terrible, but neither of us wanted that to happen to you. Only a handful of happy years before you lost your wife, daughter, and future,” Edward reiterated, ducking his head the same way Ness was wont to do.

“I get it. Your intentions were well-meaning. But, Edward? You’ve got to stop trying to control people’s lives. They have a right to live it the way they choose -- without your interference. Mistakes and let downs are part of life. You have to start being straight with people instead of trying to manipulate them,” Jacob said clearly, mentally adding, Don’t pull this with either of us again. We won’t be your puppets to toy with, no matter your motives. I can’t promise either of us will forgive you for it in the future.

“Understood,” Edward said quietly, giving a single sharp nod in agreement. “And I do approve -- of the two of you -- not that you need it. But you have it, regardless.”

~

January

“Give that back!” Ness cried, chasing after Jacob as he leapt up the stairs, taking them three at a time. 

She’d been getting ready to go out, but he’d snatched her scarf away. Initially, he’d intended to wrap it around her himself, but her startled expression, with her rounded eyes and mouth forming a perfect little O, had been too priceless not to react to it. They’d both been busy this last week, and he half hoped she’d decide to stay in and cancel her plans if he delayed her, especially with the snow coming down in torrents. Plus, he just loved playing around with her. They always had so much fun together.

“Nope. Not gonna happen,” he taunted, darting into their bedroom.

“Jake! You’re going to make me late,” she whined, laughing even as she tried and failed to sound serious.

“It’s just Rachel. She can wait,” Jacob insisted, holding the scarf high over his head, his hand actually pinning it to the ceiling as she came towards him. 

He caught her around the waist with one arm to prevent her from jumping up to get it. Retaliation came in the form of a nip to his chest. Gasping at the slight sting, he released her and yanked back before she could do it again.

“That’s cheating,” he accused, attempting to give her a stern look of disapproval, but her giggles ruined it.

“I’m serious! Stop messing around,” Ness said, hands on her hips. With her wild bronze hair and sparking eyes, she looked like a tiny spitfire.

“Come get it,” he challenged, waving the scarlet scarf like a matador cape. 

Ness charged him like a bull. Jacob just barely swung it away before she reached him, his arm knocking into their dresser in the process. When Ness’s momentum didn’t stop, and she plowed into him, he fell back against it, laughing even as the odds and ends atop it crashed to the floor.

When she bent down to grab the hand-carved wooden box he’d made while staying with his dad the previous fall, he almost stopped breathing. It was upside down and the lid had landed almost a foot away. A stutter in his chest made him hesitate just as her hand started to lift the upturned box.

Ness was still giggling when he finally breathed, “No, wait --”

“Jacob, what… “ she gasped, staring at the ring lying on the floor, suddenly revealed. “It’s so beautiful,” she murmured, carefully picking it up and staring at it curiously.

“I really should have hidden that better,” he said bemusedly, feeling one side of his lips quirk up as he watched her. Nerves and embarrassment battled it out in his gut, and he wasn’t sure which would emerge the victor.

Slowly, Ness looked up from the ring. Wonder and dawning comprehension lit her face, a long-awaited sunrise following after an endless frozen night.

“You want to get married?” she asked quietly, the words a soft caress of fur, gentle and loving.

“Of course we’re going to, but --”

“So sure of us?” she interjected, surprised.

“Of course I am. But, I wasn’t planning to ask you like this,” Jacob said quickly. He’d been thinking about a good way to do it since the day she’d shown up at his apartment, but so far nothing had seemed grand enough. He wanted the moment to be perfect. But no time like the present, and somehow this seemed more fitting for them and their relationship.

“What were you planning?”

“Something romantic?” Jacob tried, wincing at the pitiful reply, and knowing it was lacking.

“Sure, sure,” she mimicked, placing the hand not holding the ring on her hip, and giving him an expectant look that was part sass and part intrigue. “And what makes you so sure that I’d say yes?”

The teasing question set him at ease, allowing him to relax enough to banter with her a bit as they usually did. “Well, I was going to wait a bit longer -- until I knew you were sure of me.” 

“Hmph. You mean until you were brave enough to ask Papa for his blessing?”

“Ness, I asked for that a couple years ago,” Jacob stated seriously, all playfulness gone.

“What?” she asked, suddenly dumbfounded. The bowed-shape of her lips had parted just a fraction as she absorbed the revelation.

“I’ve had that ring for a while now, and Jasper knows,” Jacob explained.

“You were that sure of us?” she repeated, realizing he’d wanted this even before she came to him.

“No,” he admitted, remembering that year when he’d made the decision to wait for her. Because no one else could ever possess his heart. Not like she could. Like she did. “But I hoped,” he breathed, reaching up to cradle the back of her neck, his thumb idly stroking the sensitive skin beneath her ear.

“Ask me, Jacob,” she commanded, love glowing bright as a burning ember in her eyes.

“Renesmee Carlie Cullen, will you marry me?”

“What? No declarations of undying love or confessions of --” Nessie began, teasing him even as she choked on the ball of emotion lodged in her chest.

“Ness!” Jacob cried, even as he saw the wet sheen of joyous tears fill her eyes. Damn, exasperating woman!

“Yes, Jacob. Yes. I love you -- forever. Yes, yes, yes!” she cried, peppering his face with kisses.

He captured her mouth with his, possessing it as completely as she possessed him. Their limbs tangled together, her legs finding their way to lock around his hips.

“There’s no rush or anything, but I’m glad you know how serious I am about us,” Jacob whispered, taking the ring from her and slipping it onto her left ring finger. It fit perfectly and seemed to shimmer against her luminescent skin.

“Make love to me?” she requested, pressing tighter against him and using her gift to show them tangled up in each other on the bed.

“You’ll never have to ask twice,” he vowed, his need to fulfill her desire a compulsion. Privately, he was also rather pleased about how much better this night had turned out than he’d even dared anticipate.

~

March

“Here. Try this one,” Billy recommended, handing over a different lure to Nessie. Obediently, she switched the one on her pole out for the new one his dad had selected. 

Jacob looked quickly away when Billy turned to survey his success. Fishing was not his favorite pastime by a long shot, but he was content to sit and watch Ness pretend to enjoy it for his dad’s sake. And honestly, there were worse ways to spend the day than sitting beside a large creek.

“Any nibbles, Jake?” Billy asked knowingly. Jacob had felt the barest hint of a pole jiggle some ten minutes earlier, a clear sign that a fish had successfully snagged the bait off his hook without getting caught up.

“Nope. Nothing,” he lied. Billy moved to cast his line again, but Ness’s derisive snort halted him.

“Hmph,” Billy huffed, catching the look Nessie pinned on Jake. “Guess you should try again. Don’t you think?”

“Sure, sure,” Jacob agreed easily, reeling his line back in. You’ll pay for that later, he mouthed at Ness once his dad was distracted.

Her shoulders shook with silent laughter, but she managed to mouth, Promises, promises, back at him despite that.

“We probably have to head back soon. Ness has that early class on Fridays,” Jacob said, reminding his father.

Ness didn’t have a class on Thursdays this semester, so she usually went to La Push and spent the day with Billy, then occasionally watched Thomas in the evening so Paul and Rachel could have a date night. Rachel wasn’t feeling well this week, so Ness had suggested she and Billy go fishing instead, and Jacob had joined them when he got off work. 

Most Thursdays Jacob worked from home then ran over afterwards to have dinner with Billy and Ness. The run took him just over an hour, and he usually got to talk to the youngest two wolves at that time since they’d met him along the way and run with him. Then later, when Billy was ready for bed, he rode back home with Ness. 

When Ness did have class at Wash U, they’d drive into the city together, she’d drop him off at work, then head to campus. Sometimes she’d show up with lunch for him, which he’d quickly learned meant she wanted to have a quickie in his office. Then she’d pick him up at the end of the day and they’d head home together or go out somewhere in the city. 

They’d quickly settled into a routine this last year. Some evenings when they stayed in the city, they just walked around down by the water. Others, they’d go to art museums, movies or out to dinner. About once a month, they’d go dancing. Occasionally, they’d ride the ferry boats or have a picnic in the park. Life with Ness was relaxing, always easy and fun. They never really needed to work at it since their desires were already in sync.

The nights they didn’t stay in the city, they’d take chairs down to the tiny pebble beach behind their house, watch the sunset and wait for the stars to come out. Or they’d curl up in bed watching movies or reading. Sometimes Ness would work on projects, and indulge Jake as he interrogated her on every little thing she did for it. Other times he’d carve like wood animals while she did homework or edited a video clip.

Then there were the weekends. When they weren’t in La Push, one or more of the Cullens would descend on them, insisting they missed her too much and needed to spend a day with their niece/granddaughter/daughter. A couple times, when they’d managed to free up a string of days, they’d go camping, enjoying the freedom of running through the woods and hiking the mountains together.

“You ready to be done with school?” Billy asked, smiling fondly at Nessie.

“Yeah. Only six more weeks,” she announced.

“Went by fast,” Billy said, shaking his head at the thought. Probably amazed that Charlie’s granddaughter was about to graduate college.

“I started applying for jobs this week,” she added. Jacob was privately a little concerned about that. She’d shown absolutely no enthusiasm for any of the jobs she’d applied for. They were all just... Mweh. He wanted more for her than that, but he was certain she’d figure that out for herself.

His own job was great. Much better than what he’d been doing at Philips. It wasn’t cars, but working on airplane engines was entertaining and mentally stimulating. Plus, it paid really well. And there were other perks. He had a lot of freedom, and the people he worked with were nice.

“Anything promising?” Billy inquired.

“We’ll see,” Ness said, shrugging. “Too soon to tell,” she added half-heartedly.

“Don’t settle. Find something you love doing,” Billy advised, picking up on the same thing Jacob had. He was glad his dad spoke up. It was different having a paternal figure offer advice. It came off less condescending and controlling. “Going to work shouldn’t be a chore -- you’ll be doing it too long to endure that.”

“I will. Thanks for caring, Billy,” Ness said, smiling affectionately.

“You’re my daughter,” he replied, nodding at her hand where Jake’s ring was proudly displayed. “Of course, I care.”

“We finished the last room in the house,” Jake said a little later when they were packing up. Neither Ness nor he had managed to catch a thing. Surprise, surprise.

“That’s right!” Ness exclaimed, spinning to look down at where Billy sat while Jacob helped him navigate his chair from the bank to where Nessie’s Volvo was parked. “I was hoping you might let us have that painting Sarah did that’s in the twin’s old room. I could replace it with an enlargement of my photo that you like -- the one on the beach with Thomas, you, and Paul,” Ness offered. 

The downstairs bedroom was the first room they’d finished after their room, converting it into a guest room for various Cullens and pack members that showed up to visit. Sometimes they’d let them know in advance, other times, not. Edward visited, but refused to stay in the house, which Jacob found hilarious even when it made Ness smack him upside the head when he wouldn’t stop laughing about it.

They’d put off doing anything with the fourth bedroom until recently, not really having a use for it since they didn’t need three bedrooms. Several ideas had been tossed around, and ultimately, they’d incorporated a little of each to make it into a lounge. The piano Edward had given Nessie for Christmas was in there along with bookshelves lining one wall. But there was also a dry bar, television and a sectional sofa.

That had been the final bit inside, and since Ness hated gardening, she’d called Esme to come spend a week helping her plant flower beds and trim trees a few weeks back to finish the outside. Jacob had offered to help, but she insisted she wanted her grandma to since Esme had such a knack for it. Jacob had to admit he hadn’t minded being fussed over a bit that week. Esme had such a maternal way about her.

“I’d like that. I think it would have meant the world to her that you appreciated her work and wanted to display it. And you know I’ve been wanting you to give me that photo for years now,” Billy said gruffly, ducking his head to hide the salty tears Jacob caught a whiff of on the light breeze.

~

May

“Jacob? I’m home! Where are you?” Ness called from the house. He could hear her moving around inside. Probably, she was going room to room looking for him since his Rabbit out front told her he was somewhere nearby.

“And that’s my ride. She’ll love it. See you, Jake,” Quil said, wiping his hands on a towel and heading out the side door to where Kyra’s car waited in the drive. She’d driven Ness from the airport in Seattle since Quil was here and needed a ride home anyways.

Rosalie had come through for him, and Ness had spent the last couple days with her grandma, aunts, and Bella celebrating her college graduation. She’d mentioned going to a party Saturday night too with her old friends from Wyoming, most of whom had just graduated also, but mostly she’d been with her family. It had sounded like she’d had fun at least when they talked on the phone. Jacob had stayed too busy to miss her as much as he’d feared he would.

“Garage! Come out here,” he shouted back, hurrying to finish peeling the blue painters tape from around the door.

He’d hoped to have time to take a shower before she got back, but he’d run out of time. Paul, Quil, Jared, and surprisingly Sam had all come over the day before to help him convert half of the garage into a darkroom for Ness. They’d installed fans, a sink, electrical outlets, new insulation and drywall to ensure total darkness while sealing the garage door permanently shut, and built a dividing wall down the middle with a door to access the room. The space had ended up large enough that a desk could be added for her computer if she’d rather stay in the garage to work than use their shared office inside. 

They’d finished late last night, and taken advantage of Jake’s small stretch of beach to roast hotdogs and hang out like they used to. Quil had stayed over, and today the two had painted, hung an in use sign, and arranged all the supplies he’d gotten for her to be able to get started. Paul had been glad to get it all out of his place since Jacob had been storing everything he’d needed there for the last month.

Jared said it would have been easier simply to convert one of the bathrooms inside, but selfishly, Jacob preferred to have her workspace right next to his so they could talk and include each other in whatever projects they were working on. Next up was transferring all of his tools from his old garage in La Push to his half of the garage. Something he needed to do sooner rather than later considering his Rabbit wasn’t sounding so hot these days. Might be time to start replacing parts again.

“Someone was busy. What is all this?” Nessie asked, stepping into the room and glancing around at all the changes he’d made in the last two days.

“Take a look,” he suggested, nodding towards the open door.

“This is for me?” she gasped, understanding what it was before she was even two steps in.

“I drew up the plans a few months ago, but I thought it would make a good graduation present. Now you’ve got the office inside and this, so you can work from home or just play around whenever you want. Plus I have this half of the garage, so we can do our own thing while sort of working together,” he explained. Jake had no idea what she was going to do next. She’d interviewed and received several job offers over the last week, though she hadn’t seemed particularly excited about any of them, so he wasn’t sure which direction she was leaning.

“Thank you,” Ness said, moving closer to wrap her arms around his neck and pull him down for a kiss. He went willingly, every bit as overwhelmed and in love as he was the first time they kissed nearly a year earlier. “I was thinking… we don’t really need money… “

“Right… “ Jake agreed, nodding and raising a questioning brow at her. 

Alice had a number of investment accounts in Nessie’s name, so she was set for a dozen lifetimes. Add in that Jacob made enough to easily cover their living expenses since they rarely spent money aside from their mortgage, gas, and his food, then the occasional trip to see her family. So it wasn’t like they needed her income. They were fortunate when it came to that. Much more so than he’d been growing up. 

Ness bit her lip, and he barely stopped himself from kissing her again and biting it for her. “What do you think of me working for myself instead? Maybe someday I’ll do a job like the ones I applied for, but I don’t really want to commute everyday or only take clients that can afford to pay a ridiculous amount. What if instead, I pursue a career for fun rather than profit?”

“What did you have in mind?”

“I want to help new companies advertise. Make commercials, websites, billboards, that sort of thing. But I want to work with people that might not be able to afford professional marketing help. I figured I could maybe only charge for the cost of supplies, and donate my time and creative energy,” she said, bouncing on her toes as she spoke, each word making her more animated.

“That sounds like just the right thing for you,” Jacob agreed, scooping her up and spinning her around as she laughed. He knew helping others simply because she could would make her enormously happy, and give her a chance to focus on her own art. 

“You really think so?”

“They’ll be lucky to have you. I know I am,” Jacob said truthfully, peppering her face with kisses.


	18. 17: Love- Mae

Author’s Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think! 

The theme song for this chapter is _I Get to Love You_ by Ruelle.

Three more chapters!

PS I’m not Stephenie Meyer, so I don’t own anything :(

~

Ch 17: Love - Mae

Year 9 - 2014-2015 (June - January)

June

Mae took careful, even steps as she walked across the sand, Jacob at her side, their arms linked. Quil Sr. waited a few feet in front of the gently foaming surf on Second Beach. Chairs had been arranged in rows on either side of the makeshift aisle that they strode down. Arrays of cascading flowers were tied to the end chairs facing the aisles. Stunning yellows, soft pinks, brilliant reds, vibrant oranges, pale blues, and deep purples. Everything bright and cheerful to mark this special day.

“That dress is giving me ideas,” Jacob whispered, speaking so low only the vampires had a hope of hearing him.

“I know,” Mae breathed, willing the flush from her cheeks.

“Do you think there’ll be --”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Mae hissed through her teeth, careful to keep a smile fixed on her face lest the guests figure out the deviant suggestions her partner was making at such an inappropriate time.

“But,” Jacob whined, and she smothered her laughter. He was a child being denied his favorite toy.

“Behave,” Mae commanded, and internally groaned when Emmett shot her a wicked smirk as they walked past him. Great. Lovely. He’d be absolutely impossible later.

“Make me,” Jacob challenged just as they reached Quil Sr. and separated to make room for Leah while Jake moved to stand beside Aiden. 

Then everyone was standing and watching as Seth walked Leah down the aisle. Leah was more beautiful today than Mae had ever seen her look. Far more feminine too. Her dress was long and gauzy, floating around her ankles like the frothing sea spread out before them. Her long hair, uncut since she’d first begun resisting her wolf side several years ago, was arranged in long curls that tumbled down her back, a silky, ebony waterfall shining under the light of a full moon. Tucked throughout were delicate blooms. It looked like she’d ran through a shower of raining blossoms or rolled through a meadow. 

Happiness shown from her, radiating out to infect all of their guests. Mae glanced at Jacob to see if he was as thrilled for the couple as she was, but found his attention focused on her already. The way he looked at her was mesmerizing. 

From that moment on, Mae focused only on Jacob. Not a word of the vows registered as she was far more concerned with the love for her painted clearly on his face. They’d not actually discussed getting married after he’d proposed, but she could picture it being them right then. When Jake suddenly winked at her, she wondered if his thoughts had just mirrored her own. She didn’t even feel guilty for ignoring their friends during the event that was supposed to be all about them.

Leah and Aiden had bought a house in Timber, Oregan and gotten jobs in Portland a few months earlier. Since it was only about three hours away, they made a point to have dinner together at least once a week, taking turns hosting so the same couple didn’t have to do all the driving. They also frequently ran into each other on the weekends in La Push now that Leah finally felt comfortable visiting again. 

“You two are supposed to follow us,” Leah snipped, indicating the ceremony was over. Mae hadn’t even noticed Aiden kiss Leah, but apparently her aunt had detected the attendants’ distraction. “Don’t forget unless you were planning to go ahead and get hitched right now too.” The last was in jest, though the slight annoyance said all Mae needed to know about what Leah would do to her if she stole her thunder by taking her up on it.

“She scolded us,” Mae whispered when Jacob took her arm for them to follow the newly married couple down the aisle. She could feel his body shaking with silent laughter, and her own was barely masked behind her firmly sealed lips.

“I told you -- it’s the dress. I just can’t help myself,” Jacob said defensively, as if that argument could actually hold up. 

Though to be fair, the dress probably was the sexiest thing she’d ever worn in public. The long dress was made of the same gauzy chiffon as Leah’s gown, but colorful where Leah’s was white. The top was slit down to her navel with a strap just under her breasts to keep the fabric in place. Then there was the slit in the skirt that went up a little high for her liking. Leah had insisted though, and since it was her wedding, Mae hadn’t disagreed.

“And she probably would have eventually forgiven us if we took her up on that suggestion,” Jacob teased when they reached the end of the aisle. Leah’s pointed glare had him rethinking and he leaned down to whisper in her ear, “Or maybe not.”

It wasn’t until after pictures and dinner that she and Jake had a chance to speak privately again. “Can I have this dance?” he requested.

“They’re all yours,” Mae promised, her heart racing when he took her hand and led her out on the dance floor.

“Try telling our families that,” he grumbled. It was true. All the males in her family would insist on a turn, as would the members of his pack -- present and former.

He held her as close as he dared, though occasionally, he’d step back and spin her. Each time she’d erupt into peels of laughter, loving the way he very nearly swept her off her feet. For someone of his size, he was shockingly light on his feet, and nearly unbearably romantic at times.

“I didn’t think you were supposed to be prettier than the bride,” he commented, eyes shifting down the length of her exposed leg. He shook his head and met her amused gaze one more. He was completely incorrigible. “There’s no way we’re staying all night.”

“You’re biased,” she accused, ignoring his other comment. It wouldn’t do to encourage him now or they’d be gone before the song ended, and that would just be rude.

“Yes, I most definitely am,” he freely admitted, spinning her out then back before ending with a sudden dip. “That dress,” he muttered once more when he caught sight of her cleavage. Or maybe it had been the flash of leg as she twirled. She’d have to make a point to let Alice or Rose pick her up at least one other dress if it was capable of inspiring such a reaction. 

“Shame that I had to go without panties though,” Mae teased, enjoying how easy it was to rile him up. Maybe they could afford to be a little rude. They were cutting the cake soon. Surely that’d mean they’d stayed long enough.

“What?” Jake asked, stumbling a step.

“The top wasn’t designed for anything under it and it’s so slinky through the hips. They ruined the lines of it,” she explained, fighting laughter when his jaw dropped.

“You’re not -- right now?”

“You look positively scandalized. Which is crazy, because I know you’re not either -- I watched you dress,” she reminded him, discreetly sliding her hand down to squeeze his butt.

“I can’t wait to get you home and back in our bed -- if I can even wait that long,” Jacob announced, swallowing thickly. Mae watched his Adam's apple bob as he did and longed to press a kiss against it.

“You love saying that,” Mae noted, sliding her arms around his shoulders so her fingers could toy with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Which part?”

“Our bed,” she said. Then asked, “Do you think it’ll always be like this with us? In two hundred, or eight hundred years?”

“I guarantee that in eight thousand years I will love you every bit as much as I do today,” he vowed with such sincerity that she knew he meant it.

“Jacob,” Mae whispered. Then Jacob was claiming her lips in a searing kiss that ignited her very soul. 

“Mind if I cut in?” Jazz drawled lazily, accompanying the words with a feeling of mellow boredom and calmness.

“Yes, but I’ll let you anyway,” Jake answered truthfully, fighting the effects of her papa’s gift to steal another kiss then stepped back to allow the other man to dance with his daughter. He waited until Mae turned her attention on Jazz before tugging Bella close and spinning her away.

“It’s been nearly a year now. You’re happy, Poppet,” Jasper stated, smiling softly as he searched her face.

“Incandescently,” Mae agreed. “You knew I would be.”

“I hoped. There’s a difference,” he said, shrugging one shoulder.

“Are you and Mom still enjoying the perks of having a place to yourselves?”

“I’m taking her to England next week for a month,” he said low and fast, apparently intended the trip to be a surprise for Bella.

Others would have selected Pairs for a romantic getaway, but Jasper knew Bella would prefer to visit the homes and places mentioned in the Regency and Victorian literature she loved so much. It was a mark of why they fit so well together even after close to a decade. 

“You’ll take her to Jane Austen’s house, won’t you?” Mae requested, knowing how much that would mean to her mother.

“And to see Shakespeare performed at the Globe,” he promised, excitement lighting his tawny eyes. He was as much an avid reader as her mother, though his tastes were far more varied than Bella’s who tended to stick to the early eighteen hundreds more often than not. 

“She’ll love it. You’re not going to elope to Gretna Green are you?” Mae asked suspiciously, realizing that actually would be the best way to convince Bella. She’d love the historical nature of it. Not to mention the fact it would be a no muss, no fuss affair if she did.

“Not this century,” Jasper replied, but Mae saw the way the idea seemed to take root in him, and she knew he was considering the unintentional suggestion as a valid option for someday. “Speaking of marriage,” Jasper remarked, redirecting the conversation as he used his finger to subtly tap the pearl ring on her finger.

“We’re in no hurry either. It’s more that the intention is there… And I found the ring,” she admitted, biting her bottom lip sheepishly.

“You didn’t mention that part when you told us,” Jasper said, surprised.

“And you didn’t mention that you’d given your blessing while I was with Nahuel,” Mae countered. Jasper’s busted look was quite comical, though he recovered quickly.

“I knew you’d figure out he wasn’t a good fit. Though I did think it would happen before you found out he wanted a child more than he wanted you,” Jasper said, revealing just how on the pulse he had likely always been when it came to her. Necessary for someone as protective as her father was. 

“You knew about that? And you didn’t --”

“For a very long time violence was all I knew. Then it was all that I was good at. But that was before you and your mother came into my life. I have no wish to revert back to that,” he said frankly, always more open and honest with her than he was with anyone else -- besides Bella, at least. “And I knew it would upset you if I did.”

“I love you, Papa,” she said, fighting tears. They were the only words she could find to express how much it meant to her that he had shown such restraint and trust in her.

“I know. Now go dance with Edward before Jacob steals you away. Today has been hard on him,” Jazz advised, nodding towards a spot over her shoulder, and nudging her in that direction.

She looked around to discover Aiden speaking privately with Edward. But Edward waved her over when he detected the flavor of her thoughts.

“How are you, Dad?”

“He truly loves her. That helps,” he replied, using his considerable skills to waltz her around the dance floor. It felt as though her feet barely touched the ground. It was almost like she was a little girl again, standing on her dad’s shoes as he taught her to dance. But Edward hadn’t been around till she was approximately fifteen so they’d never had that chance. 

“I didn’t really think you’d come today,” Mae admitted, hoping to encourage him to open up to her a bit, and distract him from the thoughts he’d likely just heard in her head. Bella was presently too distracted to maintain her shield. 

He needed someone he could talk to and be honest with. A friend.

“Leah and I spoke about it,” he acknowledged, looking far older than his seventeen years just then. Mae waited, but he didn’t say anymore.

Mae frowned, upset by the aloof, remoteness he always insisted on. She knew it was difficult for him to speak plainly with her, since she was his daughter, but he needed someone. He was the same with Carlisle more often than he should be thanks to his beliefs on their familial roles. Usually, only Alice or Seth could get through to him. Hopefully, they’d be there for him tonight, though Seth was rather consumed celebrating his sister’s wedding and his duties as her family since Harry wasn’t there.

“You’re always so private. I hope someday you meet someone that opens you up, or that you at least feel comfortable opening up to,” she said, the words slipping out before she could restrain them, though he’d no doubt already heard them a dozen times over in her head over the years. 

“Isn’t it enough that I’m content to see my family happy? To see such joy in your eyes?”

“It’s enough. For now,” she agreed, nodding despite her concerns. Edward laughed loudly at her words for some mysterious reason, though he declined from sharing. And not five minutes later, Jacob appeared to whisk her away.

~

July

For the first few weeks after Mae graduated, she spent time each day putting together mock-ups and examples to make a portfolio. Afterwards, she approached a number of smaller companies to see if they might be interested. Jacob had suggested she put together a website for herself to use as advertising for her services, and it was a great idea, but she wanted to be able to include an actual client on it, so she needed one before she could do that. 

Her lack of experience had been off putting for most of the people she’d spoken to. One had said outright that they weren’t doing well enough to survive a downturn if they took a chance and it went the other way for them. While she understood, it was disappointing. Then, that morning, she’d been getting a treat for Jacob when she caught her first break, a small bakery said they’d be interested if she presented her idea and they liked it. Immediately, she’d returned home and poured herself into planning. 

Probably the best part of her job was getting to design her own schedule. It left her time to have fun with family and friends, while still pursuing her own hobbies. She’d been working on the photos from Leah’s wedding in her spare time, having taken the majority of the shots at her aunt’s wedding. Then there was the album Charlie had asked for of Bella that she’d been painstakingly assembling.

Jacob arrived a little before six, immediately searching her out. Mae’s head absently tilted back when he entered the room, knowing he’d greet her with a kiss. It was the little rituals they’d developed that always set her heart fluttering when he was nearby.

“Can I get you anything?” he offered, tangling his fingers in her hair before stealing another needy, heart-stopping kiss.

“No, I’ll be out in a bit,” Mae promised, returning to jotting the last couple ideas down and adding a rough sketch beside them to remind herself later.

Within a minute, she heard the baseball game playing on the television, and the sound of Jacob moving about the kitchen as he prepared dinner for himself. 

“Ness? What are you working on?” he asked, coming back into the room with his plate of food carried in one hand, while the other used his fork to gesture at the papers on the desk she was in the process of organizing.

“Potential client,” she admitted, biting her bottom lip in nervous excitement.

“Someone’s interested? That’s great! Who?” Jacob asked, setting his plate down on the edge of her desk and dragging his desk chair over beside hers.

“I’ll tell you about it later,” she offered, waving him off. “Go, watch the game. Promise I’ll be out by the end of the second inning.” They’d talked about watching it together the day before, so she didn’t want to miss it. 

“No way. This is your first big break. I’d rather hear about this,” he said, reaching to wrap an arm around her waist and pull her to lean against him.

“I love you,” Mae said, kissing his cheek.

“I love you too -- now spill,” he demanded, picking up the stack of papers she’d just compiled.

“It’s that new cupcake shop around the corner from you,” she explained, watching him read through her notes, truly paying attention to what she was working on rather than feigning interest. It had been something her friends in school used to complain about their boyfriends doing whenever they talked. Jacob never did. Mae always had his complete attention when she spoke. It was the same in reverse too whenever Jacob shared about one of his work projects.

“The one we passed the other day,” he declared enthusiastically, glancing up at her.

“Yeah. They’re only interested in putting together a website, but I have a few ideas and I wanted to get them all down before I forgot,” she said.

“You should lead with this one. It’s perfect,” Jacob decided, pointing at one a third of the way down the page. “I’d definitely stop in if I saw this.”

“Speaking of, there’s a treat for you on the counter. I’m surprised you didn’t see it when you were making dinner.”

“Thanks,” he whispered softly, trailing several tantalizing kisses down her neck to her shoulder. “What’s the next step?” he asked, pressing his lips a final time to the base of her throat before pulling back and exchanging her papers for his dinner. 

Slightly breathless, Mae said, “I’m taking pictures tomorrow then creating a few web pages to show them Friday.”

“Need any help?”

“I’ll probably be finished by the time you’re out of work,” she admitted regretfully.

“I’ll swing by just in case,” he promised.

“Sounds like a plan. Game time?” Mae asked, standing and holding out her hand to drag him into the living room.

“You know, I can’t believe none of us have thought of it before, but you should do something like this for Kim’s business,” Jacob suggested, reminding her that their friend was attempting to start her own catering business.

“That’s a great idea! I can work on that as soon as I finish this,” Mae said, excited to help their friend out.

~

September

Mae couldn’t believe her luck. Jacob’s Rabbit had been acting up for the last couple weeks, so she and Leah went to an auction in Seattle while Aiden and Jake went surfing. The man driving the flatbed with her purchase pulled up behind her as she parked in front of her half of the garage. He’d already started unloading it by the time she hopped out.

“You’ll have to help me push it into the garage before Jacob gets back,” Mae said, bouncing excitedly as she stared at the black ‘68 Camaro convertible. Eventually, they’d need to paint the American muscle car green since that was his favorite color. Maybe add white racing stripes on the hood too. Shock that her bid of seven thousand had won was still making it hard for her to believe that she’d really managed to get the car for him. 

It was in great shape apart from the engine, but that would be easy for them to manage. There were other, faster, sleeker cars -- the type Edward preferred -- that Jacob probably would have killed to possess, but this seemed right for him. More fitting. It was a classic, and one he could drive everyday. Plus, it wasn’t an over-the-top ultra extravagant present for her to get him on a whim. Maybe a little over the top, but they’d needed to get a replacement anyways.

“Did you forget I’ve only got the strength of an ordinary human now?” Leah reminded her, emphasizing the word ordinary. The female wolf had never been happier, loving life post quitting. Mae doubted she’d even felt a moment’s regret over the decision. “You’re on your own.”

“At least put it in neutral and steer while I push,” Mae amended. 

Leah left to see her mom as soon as they had the vehicle safely inside. Curious to discover what the problem was, Mae started taking apart the engine.

The crack in the radiator was the first issue, but probably not the reason it didn’t run. The spark plugs looked awful, utterly useless scraps of metal with rust caked around the twisted end until it was the color of blood drenched chocolate. Rosalie would be horrified if --

“I can honestly say I’ve never seen a hotter sight in my life.” The sound of Jacob’s declaration had her craning her neck to look over her shoulder to where he stood frozen in the doorway, his eyes fixed on how she was bent over to dig around under the hood of the car.

It was amusing how little effort on her part it took to turn him on. She had to be filthy right then, grease and dirt on her shorts and tank top as well as her face, hands and arms. Fall was stubbornly refusing to kick in this year, and it was an uncomfortable eighty-nine degrees outside. For someone that naturally ran at one hundred and two degrees, it was positively sweltering in the unairconditioned garage even with the large door open. About an hour ago she’d tied her mass of sweaty curls atop her hair in a messy knot that was tipping precariously to the left, and had gotten caught at least twice on a hook under the hood when she’d moved to straighten.

“What is this?” Jake asked, oblivious to her amusement, though she could easily see how turned on he was, the thick evidence outlined nicely by his board shorts.

“I got it at an auction this morning. The engine is a bit of a mess, but I figured between the two of us, we could fix it up,” she said, twirling a wrench and leaning against the headlight.

“Aren’t I the one that’s supposed to get you something? You’re the one with a birthday in a few days,” he stated, eyes raking over her. The temperature spiked another ten degrees from the heat in his gaze.

“This is for both of us. I like cars. You like cars. We get to spend time together,” she explained, swallowing several times, her throat suddenly very dry before she could add, “Besides, your Rabbit has seen better days. It’s time for an upgrade.”

“I want you,” Jacob stated, stalking towards her. “Now.”

Fumbling with the rod behind her, Mae knocked it loose so the hood fell shut with a loud bang! The sound echoed behind her just as Jake’s hands found her hips, lifting her to perch on the long, flat front of the car.

“I’m yours,” she declared, willing him to be inside her already. She was embarrassingly turned on already considering he’d done nothing more than look at her to get her in this state.

“Seeing you standing there like that,” he muttered, pulling her tank top over her head. “I can’t think.”

His mouth fastened onto her breast, roughly sucking her nipple through the satin fabric of her bra. Her hands clutched his back, nails digging in as he finished removing the bra, his mouth returning to her revealed flesh the instant the damp fabric vanished. The dusky peak of her nipple vanished into his mouth, and she gasped at the feel of the wet heat. Desire flooded her core.

“More, please. I need to feel you inside me,” she begged, locking her legs around his hips and rubbing her sex against him enticingly.

“You’re the sexiest woman alive. None compare,” he claimed, voice muffled against her breast as he unfastened her shorts. Mae lifted her hips for him to tug them off, while she used her hands and feet to shove his board shorts down his muscular legs.

“Show me how I make you want me,” she demanded, feeling bold and adventurous considering anyone could drive by and see them. Not that many used this back road, but friends had a tendency to drop in unannounced on a regular basis.

Jacob entered her in a single long thrust, possessing her fully. Mae laid back, arching her spine and rocking her hips to meet his deep thrusts. She felt his hands slide down her front before slipping beneath her to grip her shoulders for more leverage. Her nails raked down his back, knowing how it drove him wild. She was rewarded with his sharp gasp as his eyes flew open to stare at her sprawled form displayed below him.

“Seriously, like a pinup model from the magnizes --”

“Are we talking Playboys here?” she gasped, sharing an image of him jerking off while holding a magazine. Just imagining him doing that made her shiver. The idea of watching him touch himself had never occurred to her before... 

“Back in high school, yeah,” he agreed, grinning as he gave her a particularly hard thrust, twisting his hips as he pistoned into her. 

The movement elicited a delicious friction as his pelvis rubbed against her clit, enticing her to moan, “Yes, there. Mhh.”

“It would have been so much better if it showed you on a car,” he grunted, moving his hips impossibly faster. Her heels dug into his butt on each thrust, spurring him to push deeper.

“Flattery like that will get you anything you want,” she promised, breathless. Her hands gripped his arms, holding on as lightning sparked in her core. The buzz of electricity was followed by warmth and champagne bubbles dancing through her veins. The little pops released bursts of ecstasy the way biting a barely rip blueberry releases tart flavor that explodes in your mouth.

“I want to see you fall to pieces,” he confessed, his hand moving between where they were joined to rub jerky circles against her clit.

“I’m close,” she breathed, black spots expanding across her vision like dripping ink and her muscles coiling, preparing for their inevitable plummet.

“Ness,” he moaned, lightly pinching the little bundle of nerves.

“Yes, oh! Do that again,” she begged. When he did immediately, she crested, shattering like so much glass while every muscle in her body seized and relaxed. Endorphins flooded her, fireworks of pleasure and bliss cascaded, a tumbling waterfall dousing her. “Jacob!” she cried.

Warmth filled her as he surged forward a final time not even a heartbeat later. In that instant, she was again grateful Carlisle had suggested switching to an IUD after a condom had broken and they’d been concerned she might get pregnant a couple months earlier. It felt so much better feeling him skin to skin and experiencing the rush of heat when he filled her. Plus it was more reliable.

“That probably would have been more comfortable in the back seat,” he said, running his hands carefully over her. Something she knew he did because he still worried he might unintentionally hurt her, particularly when they really let go like they just had. 

Mae loved that he never had to hold back with her. They both typically lost control a little, but she preferred it that way. She was the same. Strong as him. Durable in the most erotic way. And able to handle all of him, not just glimpses of the enormous passion he possessed.

“Next time?” she offered, wondering if he’d be as vocal again. They didn’t usually talk and joke as much, but it had been an interesting change of pace, one she wouldn’t mind repeating.

“Count on it,” he said, lifting her and moving to sit in a nearby chair with her in his arms.

“Good surprise then?” she murmured, kissing his neck and running her fingers through his hair.

“The best,” he replied.

~

December

“Is that me playing?” Mae asked, listening to the familiar sound of the piano playing. 

She’d just returned from a spa day with Rachel, Kim, and a very pregnant Kyra to find Jake on the back patio. While Mae missed her old friends, she loved the new connections she’d formed. When she’d lived in Washington before, she’d been too young to form friendships with the other imprints, and on her visits, most of her time had been spent with Billy and Charlie. Though she and Rachel had already become fairly close, they were even closer now.

Slowly severing ties with her old friends was a necessary evil she’d of had to do eventually anyways. She could only stay in touch for so long before they realized so wasn’t aging the way they were. Perhaps it was better happening now, when she had others that she could bond with -- especially since she’d never have to lie to her new group of friends. They knew the truth, and because of that, she could have them in her life longer.

“I recorded it the other day,” he said, hammering in a bracket. 

New tiki lights served as posts spaced evenly around the railing, and there were now strings of lights along the back of the house that looped down to the edge of the balcony. The space was raised, the door leading to it off the upstairs hallway so it was really more or a balcony even if it did have stairs leading down to the start of the thin treeline in the backyard separating the lawn from the pebble beach of the shoreline. 

“I like the additions,” Mae said, glancing around. It amused her that he’d added them during the winter, while it was snowing no less.

“Yeah?” 

“Planning on coming inside anytime soon? It is snowing,” she pointed out.

“Dance with me,” he requested, holding his hand out to her. 

It had become a familiar thing for him to ask as often as he could. Mae suspected it stemmed from Quil’s wedding and was a subconscious effort on his part to erase that disastrous dance from their memory, replacing it with much more pleasant alternatives. Mae didn’t mind, she loved dancing with him -- even in the snow.

With that in mind, Mae didn’t hesitate to clasp his warm hand, allowing him to guide her around the snow covered surface. Her feet crunched on the wet snow, packing it down to form a slick layer that in no time at all, they seemed to be gliding across like a frozen pond. Jacob’s heat drew her in, surrounding her like a cozy blanket.

“I never would have guessed you’d turn out to be such a romantic,” Mae said softly, remembering all his teasing and joking when she’d known him as a child. Such a contrast from the tender, thoughtful gestures he liked to surprise her with on a regular basis now.

“You inspire me,” he said simply, quietly, without a hint of the previous jesting. The candid declaration, a naked blade cutting into her heart with its sharp, exposed truth. He was entirely hers, vulnerable and open, laid bare for her alone to cherish or destroy. Fitting, since the same was true in reverse.

Jacob spun her, lifting her up and turning. Mae laughed, throwing her head back and watching the individual fluffy white flakes falling towards her face.

“It’s really coming down,” Mae commented, knowing he didn’t need her to repeat his claim or say anything to know she understood him. 

“We should go skiing tomorrow,” he suggested, lighthearted excitement entering his eyes.

“You know, I’ve never been. I lived in Alaska right near the mountains, and I never tried it.” It was odd that she hadn’t. There were plenty of times she’d been bored out of her mind with nothing to do, yet she’d not tried any outdoor sports, despite loving them. 

“I’m not sure you ever gave Alaska a fair shot,” Jacob said seriously, frowning at her even as he dipped her deeply.

“I was too busy missing you,” Mae admitted, knowing it was the absolute truth. 

That time in her life was tainted. Blah. Perhaps forgettable was a better summation. Nothing awful had happened, and it wasn’t as though she’d not had fun occasionally, but it wasn’t particularly memorable either. It needed to happen, for Jake’s sake -- and she was glad it had. They’d not know the happiness they currently did if it hadn’t. But those four years were not her favorite.

“I wish you’d told me. I could have waited to go to school,” Jake said. 

Mae tried to make a point to acknowledge when he said things like that. It always reminded her of Embry and the power he’d mention her having over Jacob. She never wanted to take his choices away, or make him feel like he needed to sacrifice for her sake. Or if he did, at least ensure he knew that she’d willingly do the same. 

In fact, she sort of had the year before when she’d transferred right before her senior year. This conversation again reminded her how much more difficult leaving her friends behind had been when she made the decision to do it. They were her first human friends her age. It also helped knowing they’d only have had one more year if she’d stayed. None of them had stuck around Laramie after graduation, so they’d have eventually left her anyways -- even before she would have needed to leave them.

Plus, getting to move home had too many pros, dozens and dozens, to get caught up in the two or three cons.

“I’m glad I didn’t. You needed to get away to become this version of yourself. I wouldn’t change a thing,” Mae said, resting her head on his shoulder. Immediately, his arms wrapped securely around her back to hold her close and swaying gently.

“Not even Quil’s wedding?” Jacob prodded. They’d never actually talked about Quil’s wedding, but she was amused he’d bring it up only minutes after she’d recalled the night herself. 

Once they were together, there hadn’t been a point, so Mae was slightly startled that he’d reference it now. Enough that she pulled back to stare at him. He looked curious, genuinely interested to know if she wished that had turned out differently. 

It wasn’t something she’d ever considered before. She couldn’t ever remember even wondering, What if? Questions like that never did anyone any good. So did she wish she could change that moment?

No. 

That moment was a defining one. A pivotal one for their story. Altering it would alter the present, and she rather liked where they were. There was no guarantee that they would be as blissfully happy now if that day had gone differently.

“Not even that one. I didn’t really understand what I wanted from you then. I thought I did. My hormones were certainly telling me that I did. But I don’t think I was actually ready for this -- what we have,” she admitted.

“Really? You don’t think… “ he asked, brow furrowing in contemplation. He trailed off, lost in his thoughts, and needing her to guide him out. 

“This,” Mae said, pressing tightly against him and holding him closer. “What we have -- it’s intense. In a good way, yes, but it can be consuming. I think if you’d been ready to give me what I wanted that day, it might have been too much. Too overwhelming. I might have gotten lost in us,” she explained.

Privately, she wondered if that hadn’t been the problem with Nahuel. At least a little bit. Probably, that happened to a lot of people in their first relationship. It was definitely part of why she’d stayed with him so long. That, and she’d been comfortable. It was easier to stay than risk not finding something at least as good. Because at the time, it was hard to say that love wasn’t supposed to be like that. She’d never experienced anything else personally to know the difference. Plus, she’d wanted to make it work. It seemed like if she only tired hard enough, she could make them both happy, and not fail after having attempted for so long.

“I get it,” he said, face morphing into a tender smile while his fingers traced lazy patterns on her lower back.

“You do?”

He hesitated, somewhat reluctant to share whatever it was her words had made him think of, but finally he said, “I’ve thought the same before. And… It’s what happened to Bella when she was with Edward. It was her first relationship, and she didn’t really know herself yet. She got very lost in it.”

“And I’m a lot like my mom,” Mae agreed.

“In some ways, yes. But mostly? You’re entirely you,” he said, claiming her lips.

~

“Bet I get to the bottom first,” Mae challenged eagerly, bending her knees as she prepared to launch herself forward.

“Oh, you’re on,” Jacob said, plopping down beside her and fiddling with the straps securing the skis to his feet.

It was their third time racing. They’d been on the slopes since just before the sun peeked over the summit brilliantly welcoming the new day. Her face hurt from laughing so much, but she wanted to break the tie between them. So far, they’d each won once.

“What? Are you giving me a head start?” she demanded, eyeing him crossly.

“Sure, why not? I’ll still win,” he taunted, standing up and laughing at her sour expression.

“I don’t need to cheat to win!” she yelled, affronted that he’d imply otherwise. She might use underhanded tricks to win, but it wasn’t outright cheating.

“Don’t you?” he asked drolly, firing her up.

“That was not cheating,” she insisted, knowing exactly what he was referring to from the first race.

“You deliberately cut me off knowing I’m too much of a gentleman to plow through you,” he accused innocently.

“Like hell you are,” Mae snorted, using her pole to flick snow at him.

“Fine. On the count of three. One. Two. Three!” Mae gasped as a giant wolf exploded forward, tearing off down the steep side of the mountain while the echo of his count still sounded in the air.

“Now who’s cheating!” she cried, taking off after him.

The pair zigzagged down the side, sailing across the frozen ground. The sight of Jake’s tail wagging tauntingly before her spurred her on and gave her an idea. Three seconds later, she’d captured his tail and tugged hard enough to make him yelp and tumble. 

He playfully snapped his teeth at her as she soared past him, laughing uproariously. Her distraction cost her. Mae hit a rock she’d not seen in her wild amusement, and the tip of her ski sunk down, flipping her over to land gracelessly in a snowbank.

Jacob appeared over her, pushing the tangled, wet strands of her hair away from her face. Melted snow dripped off his naked body, and she was mesmerized.

“Tie?” he suggested, grinning wide enough to display his even, white teeth, and the one on the bottom that was just slightly crooked.

“This time,” she conceded, looping her arms around him to pull him fully atop her, and offer a kiss as a consolation prize.

~

January

Billy’s digestive system was having issues again lately. Mae had pointed out to Jacob that his dad appeared to be losing weight again, and Jake had insisted on taking Billy back to the hospital to run more tests. Mae was particularly concerned since she knew about the health scare he’d had a couple years back. 

They’d run a number of tests that day, and sent them home afterwards. All the doctors would say was that they’ll call them back in when they had results, and until then, they shouldn’t worry. Like that was possible! 

There was a call a couple days later, asking them to come back in. 

“Well, would you like the good news first or the bad?” the doctor asked when they were settled into an exam room. Jacob apparently knew the doctor from before, but Mae didn’t. The guy looked days away from retiring, and she privately understood Billy’s recalcitrance. 

“Just get on with it, Doc,” Billy grumbled, annoyed that Jacob and Mae were making such a big thing of it. Billy was convinced he was fine and they were imagining things.

“All right, Billy. You have cancer. Colon cancer to be precise. I believe we’ve caught it early enough that if we’re aggressive in your treatment, the prognosis is good,” he said confidently.

“But he was tested two years ago, and they said he was fine. That it was an allergy,” Jacob said, shaking his head in protest of what he was hearing. Probably because they’d never actually figured out what the allergy was, and were just relying on supplements to keep Billy from continuing to lose weight.

Mae reached out to take Jake’s hand, noting that his fingers had turned to ice and his palm was slick with terrified sweat. Yet the second her hand was in his, his fingers wove through her own, squeezing tightly. She offered every bit of strength she had, and Jacob seemed buoyed by the action even as he unconsciously leaned towards her.

“He probably was fine then. He’s only in stage two right now, so this is likely fairly recent,” the doctor explained, saying more, but Mae was too focused on Jacob to hear.

Jacob continued to berate the doctor, mentioning monthly checkups and demanding answers for why this wasn’t detected sooner. All the while, Billy sat stoically, watching the events unfold. He didn’t look the least surprised or concerned. Must be shock.

“You mentioned treatment,” Mae interjected, redirecting the conversation away from the blame Jacob was trying to assign the doctor.

“A round of chemo, then surgery, and likely another round of chemo,” he said, addressing her but speaking to Billy. “I’ll give you a few minutes then send a nurse in to help you schedule your chemo and go over what you need to do in the meantime.”

The doctor practically fled from the room. Probably terrified Jacob planned on hitting him. His size was rather intimidating, and anyone could see he was angry. It reminded Mae a little of when he’d fought Santiago.

“Oh, get that look off your face. I’m not dying anytime soon. I’m too stubborn for that, Jacob,” Billy insisted, lightly touching Jacob’s arm.

“Sure, sure,” Jake croaked, the words coming out broken and hollow. Mae’s chest ached hearing them.

“Mae, sweetheart, think you could track down that nurse? I don’t want to be here any longer than I have to,” Billy said quietly, not looking away from Jacob.

“Of course,” she said, realizing he needed a moment alone with his son. She kissed Jacob’s cheek before getting up to leave. He didn’t immediately let go of her hand. Feeling the way he clung to her like a life preserver was the hardest part so far. Her composure nearly faltered right then and there, but she forced herself not to make a sound.

At least not before she reached the waiting room. Moving on autopilot, Mae dialed Carlisle’s number. 

“Grandpa? I need you now. I need you to come out here. Please. It’s Billy. He has cancer,” she said, bursting into painful, jerky sobs the moment the words left her mouth.

“Oh, Sweetheart. I’m so sorry. I’ll be there first thing in the morning,” he promised, murmuring nonsense to her until her sobs quieted to shaky hiccups. It didn’t go unnoticed by her that he didn’t promise a positive outcome. He’d not lie to her, and offer false platitudes. 

“Thanks,” she choked out. 

Quickly as possibly, Mae composed herself, splashing water on her face in the bathroom until she looked fairly normal. Then she found a nurse and rejoined Jacob. He needed her to be strong for him right now. That was what mattered most just then.

That night, Jacob fell apart. It was the first time she’d ever seen him lose it. Not even after Embry died had he been so many jagged pieces scattered on the floor. Then he’d been in shock, a numb shell. This was worse. 

For hours, Mae held him as his heart broke, a boy terrified of losing his father. And he clung to her, eliminating even the idea of space or distance separating them. It was only her holding him together.


	19. 18: When everything finally makes sense… Well, almost everything - Jacob

Author’s Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think! 

The theme song for this chapter is _Take On The World_ by You Me At Six.

I had another scene for this, but it didn't turn out as expected, so I deleted it -- sorry for the short chapter.

PS I’m not Stephenie Meyer, so I don’t own anything :(

~

Ch 18: When everything finally makes sense… Well, almost everything - Jacob

Year 9 - 2015 (February - June) 

February

“Coffee?” Ness offered, holding a steaming cup in front of Jacob.

“Thank you,” he said, taking the cup, then immediately reaching for her. She was his anchor, the only sure thing he had to hold on to. His rock in the violet storm that had unexpectedly hit and thrown his life into chaos. “Seriously, you’re the best. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

It was because of her that he’d been strong for his father. That he’d been able to joke and tease him, pretending nothing was wrong, and that everything would work out just fine. But at night… at night he let himself feel scared, and it was always Nessie that guided him through the darkness. Occasionally, she’d break down too and they’d guide each other, but regardless, they were there for each other.

The night he’d found out his dad had cancer, it had been her assurance that Carlisle, the renowned doctor with centuries of experience and enhanced senses, was coming that he understood something about their relationship. For over a year they’d experienced nothing but joy. Now, as they faced this obstacle together, he knew they could weather anything. They’d always help each other.

Sure, Ness would have called her grandfather for Billy’s sake. Ness loved him too. But ultimately, she’d done it for him. To give his father the best chance, so Jake wouldn’t have to say goodbye any sooner than necessary. 

“I don’t know what you two are even doing here today,” Billy grumbled from beside them. He’d been scheduled for an early morning chemotherapy session. And here they were, not yet nine in the morning. 

Jacob, Ness, Rachel, and Paul had made arrangements to take turns going with him, and he and Ness had volunteered to go today. Today marked the second week of his five week chemo cycle. Then would come the surgery. Jake could tell his dad was scared. The first week had been rough, and he wasn’t looking forward to the nausea and weakness that was sure to come later that day. 

When Carlisle looked him over, he’d suggested the same course of treatment that Dr. Wilson had. Then Jacob had surprised everyone by insisting that Carlisle be the one to operate and perform the surgery. There was no one else Jacob trusted as much with his father’s life. Carlisle had immediately agreed, then in deference to Billy’s well documented caution with vampires, even the Cullens, he’d stated that Seth would be with him the entire time. The wolf was currently completing his internship under Carlisle back in Laramie. 

Carlisle had been back twice in the last three weeks to check on his patient and begin preparations for the surgery. Apparently since he no longer worked there, there were several hoops to jump through. Particularly since it wasn’t a medical emergency.

“And for you,” Ness said, handing Billy a bagel with peanut butter and an Ensure compact.

“Thanks, but I still say you should have let Charlie cart me around today. Sue can spare him for the day and I know you had plans,” Billy grumbled after smiling at Ness. She’d wormed her way deep into Billy’s stubborn, old heart.

“Plans? I didn’t know we had plans,” Ness said, glancing at Jacob.

“It’s Valentine’s Day. Did you really think I didn’t have something up my sleeve to surprise you with today?” he asked dryly.

He’d planned a day trip to an art show in Vancouver where several pieces from a photographer she admired were going to be featured. He’d started planning for it just after Christmas, but that had been before Billy had gotten sick.

“Aw, Jacob, that’s so sweet,” she said, kissing his cheek and returning to pointedly staring at the bagel Billy was only pretending to nibble on. 

“You don’t even know if you would have liked it,” Billy said, shaking his head at her. It was an obvious ploy to distract her so she wouldn’t notice he wasn’t eating, despite the doctor recommending he try.

“It’s the thought that counts. Besides, I’d rather spend today with you. You promised you’d always be my Valentine. You didn’t forget, did you?”

“No, I’d never forget making such a promise to a pretty lady,” Billy said, patting her hand.

“Wait a second -- when was this? And why are you trying to steal my fiancee?” Jacob demanded, curious to hear the story.

“It was four years ago?” Billy asked, brow wrinkling as he thought back.

“Five -- the year before I started college,” Ness corrected, then explained, “I came to visit, and he gave me a rose. How could I resist such a romantic gesture?” Billy blushed and scowled at the teasing, but Jacob would have bet he was secretly enjoying it. Probably relieved to be thinking about anything other than what he was about to endure.

“Guess I have some competition, eh, Old Man?” Jacob taunted, lightly pushing his dad’s shoulder.

“Shut it, Scamp,” Billy commanded.

“We’ll have to celebrate tomorrow -- have some local adventures instead,” Jacob said, looping his arm around Ness, and smiling when she laid her head on his shoulder.

The idea of getting several dozen bouquets of roses and using them to write out ‘I love you’ on their bed came to mind. They weren’t her favorite flower, but after the bit with Billy, he knew she’d get a kick out of it. It would go really well with the other gift he’d already had made. He’d handwritten a letter detailing all the reasons he loved her, then had the wife of a guy he worked with turn it into a paper flower so it would last forever. It was already displayed in the wooden box he’d carved and used to hide her engagement ring in.

“Excellent,” she said. “That gives me time to finish hiding your replacement present.”

Initially, she’d gotten tickets to Costa Rica for the following weekend. They were supposed to leave Thursday night, and since Monday was President’s day, he already had it off, and they’d have three and a half days on the coast surfing. She’d asked if he’d mind them canceling so they could be with Billy instead, and he’d been more moved than he’d found words to express. It meant everything to him that she cared for his family.

They usually made a point to make all gifts some sort of event or activity they knew the other person would enjoy. Typically, it didn’t cost more than a tank of gas, but the surfing trip had been based on a recommendation from Aiden since he and Leah went over Christmas, and Ness knew he was dying to try it out now. In the end, they’d postponed the trip to the fourth of July week so that they could be there for Billy now instead.

While Billy was being checked in prior to treatment, Ness and Jacob waited in the hall.

“Thank you for getting me through this,” Jacob said, hauling Ness close and dropping a kiss on the top of her head.

“You never need to thank me. I’ll always be here for you,” she said, patting his hand.

“I know. Ness… “

“What is it?”

“After Embry died. I couldn’t need you then,” Jacob said sadly.

They’d talked about the fight a few times, particularly when Ness told him about the fighting lessons Jasper had given her a few years back. She’d looked forward to them until the time actually came to try and hit or block. She was too slow when facing off with vampires, and she didn’t like participating in something she had no hope of winning. Seemed a little pointless and discouraging. Not to mention frustrating. And there was no point in fighting humans -- they were no match. 

All of that made sense to him, because she wasn’t Bella who’d alway longed to fight her own battles physically, and never understood there were different ways to be useful. Nessie’s strength laid elsewhere. She’d never need to fight, not if he could help it. He’d protect her, and she’d said that was fine by her.

They’d also talked about what happened with Embry when they’d discussed the fight. But this was the first time Jacob had brought up the aftermath in relation to her. Specifically, her in connection to him.

“How come? Was it because I was too young?”

“I was so broken. I didn’t know how to let someone in, and if I’d tried… I would have taken and taken, giving nothing in return. I had nothing to give, and I would have used you up,” he admitted frankly, leaning against the wall, and letting his head fall back to stare at the ceiling. 

He recalled the airport when they’d first arrived home. He’d tried to cling to her. She’d been so tiny and young, and he’d needed her to fill the void, hold him up, guide him out, and provide atonement for his actions. It was a challenge she’d been in no way prepared to meet, not to mention unfair of him to request -- especially when he’d secretly longed to demand as much from her. 

And even if she’d tried, if she’d accepted the challenge, he wasn’t ready to forgive himself, so ultimately it would have been for nothing.

He’d stolen his best friend’s dignity, made him beg for a basic human right that should have never been taken -- the right to die gracefully on his own terms. The echoes of his friend’s pleading still occasionally haunted him. Assaulted his bruised and battered heart. Particularly since his dad’s illness.

There were nights he woke shaking in a cold sweat. Embry’s voice a banshee cry deafening him. But always Nessie was beside him, her arms inevitably stealing around him, ready and willing to combat the past, forming a solid barrier between now and then. She healed him, leading him towards the light and the happiness he found with her.

“I’d have let you. I didn’t know how to navigate that sort of thing either,” she acknowledged, reassuring him that he’d done the right thing by leaving. Then she took his hand and led him into the room, showing him how different things were now.

~

March

For weeks now, it had been endless visits to the hospital, tests, and talk of cancer. Billy’s surgery was scheduled for the following week, and in the meantime, it was just a matter of waiting. The stress of it all had been getting to him, building steadily until he worried he’d break. Then that morning Ness had suggested they spend the weekend camping. 

They’d be spending most of their free time with Billy in the coming weeks, moving him into their place after surgery to make caring for him easier. Ness thought camping would give them a couple days away from it all to destress and have some alone time before they’d need to give up their privacy. Jacob loved her all the more for suggesting it. She could read him so easily, always knowing what he needed.

The small campfire Jacob had been nursing sputtered, threatening to go out. Rain scented the air, fresh and clean, then suddenly it was everywhere in the little clearing they’d selected to make camp in. It came down in sheets, soaking him in seconds and dousing the flickering flame entirely.

Ness was in the tent already, having erected it while he was busy gathering some wood, and was currently in the process of arranging their bedding.

“Seriously?” he called darkly, looking up at the ominous thunderclouds that had gathered overhead. The sound of Nessie’s amused laughter had him spinning to glare at her. Only her face was visible, peeking out while remaining safe inside the dry shelter. Her clear delight cut through his bad mood, banishing it the way the sun would no doubt burn these clouds away if the wind didn’t take care of them first. “Come here,” he insisted.

“Why would I do that when I’m nice and dry in here?” she taunted.

“Come here, Ness,” he requested, blowing out a puff of air to dislodge the rain dripping from the end of his nose. At least with his heat the water warmed nearly the second after it touched him so it wasn’t freezing and as miserable as it would be for a human.

“Nuh-uh,” she denied, shaking her head then smirking as she added, “Not happening.”

“Ness, I will shake off in there with you if you don’t. Then we’ll see how dry you are,” Jake threatened, trying to coax her into coming out and playing with him.

“Mutt, you better believe I’m not letting you in with those wet clothes,” she deadpanned, kneeling up to put her tiny balled up fists on her hips. She looked like a little spitfire, or maybe a cat refusing a bath.

“Minx, how do you plan to stop me?”

“If I run… ” she trailed off. Probably she realized her threat didn’t make sense in terms of staying dry.

“You wouldn’t,” he said gesturing towards the sky and his surroundings, all of which were as drenched as he was.

“If I did --”

“I’d chase you to the ends of the Earth,” Jake vowed. He noted the way she lit up at his words, seeming thrilled by the declaration because she joined him moments later.

“Now that I’m soaking wet too, what did you want?” she breathed, biting her lip. He wanted to bite it for her.

“I’m going to make love to you in the rain,” he announced, desire gripping him hard at the sight of her in the wet tank top.

“You have to catch me first,” she challenged, grinning wickedly.

Then she was off.

Jacob chased her through the mountains, letting her keep her small lead so long as she was still laughing. They weaved through the trees, cutting a path higher through the woods before shimmying down rock faces or jumping gurgling rivers. 

They seemed to be the only two crazy enough to be out in the less than ideal weather -- all of the other woodland creatures having sought shelter when the rain started. It was eerily quiet, only the plopping sounds of dripping water accompanied their symphony of hasty treading, heavy panting, and snapping branches.

Ness slowed when she entered a meadow far from where they started, where the rain was merely tiny sprinkles. Jacob took that as his cue that she was ready to be caught. He lunged for her, catching her around the middle and tumbling them to the ground, turning at the last second so she landed on his stomach.

“I’ll always find you,” he promised, reaching up to push her wet hair back over her shoulder.

“I love you,” she said, leaning down to kiss him. 

Their wet clothes clung to them, but somehow they managed to remove them without needing to resort to tearing them. Hands tenderly stroked every available surface, gliding over rain slicked skin, while lips wandered, feasting leisurely. Every caress was slow, unhurried, appreciating that they had time to savor this moment as they rolled through the soft moss and crushed the damp wildflowers filling the air with their lovely fragrance.

Eventually need won out, the explorations stirring desire too great to ignore or deny and Ness begged, “Jacob, I need you. Now. Please.”

“Yes,” he agreed, needing the same.

Her legs parted, welcoming him into the cradle of her thighs, and when he entered her, every fear, doubt, and worry immediately fled. With her, he was home. He was safe. He was loved.

~

April

They were driving home having just finished with a tribe meeting involving several elders. Ness had started coming with him and helping with sorting disputes, government paperwork, organizing groundskeeping, hosting events, and delegating who was heading up what project on their land.

“It’s still so strange to me that they treat me like a welcome friend,” Nessie said, watching the passing trees out the window.

“It’s because you’re a manifestation of my heart,” Jacob explained, knowing she’d been wanting to discuss this for a while now. He’d patiently waited for her to bring it up, not wanting to push her into an obligation that she perhaps didn’t want or might not be ready to face.

His people had begun inviting Ness to visit, individual invitations to lunch or dinner or to the school or parks. If they heard she was at Billy’s, someone would inevitably drop by to share some news. Just little town gossip about so-and-so's health or a grandson’s new tooth or the date someone’s cousin went on. Nessie was good at making each person feel special and as though she genuinely cared and heard them. 

It was the role Emily had most recently filled, but when Sam, Jared, and Paul all stepped down from the pack, deciding to quit phasing and Jacob moved home, Nessie automatically took over without ever even realizing it, never missing a beat.

“I don’t understand,” she admitted, turning to look at him.

He met her stare as he clarified. “They trust me to speak for them and have their interests in mind when it comes to politics, policies, disagreements, protection, but it’s you that connects them to me on a personal level. I have to consider them as a single unit and what is best for the majority. You individualize them for me through the relationships you’ve built with them.”

“That’s incredible. I really belong here,” she said, eyes misting over, and Jacob knew this was a challenge she was more than up for, and that her naturally compassionate nature would relish undertaking.

“You do,” he agreed.

~

May

Jacob and Ness were in the garage working on the car she gave him. They’d gotten it running, but not had a chance to fine tune it, deciding to put the project on hold when Billy got sick. Today though, they’d had a bit of free time that day after work to spend on it.

“Is Aiden still coming up tomorrow to go surfing?” Ness asked from the front seat where she was working on the wiring for the dashboard.

“Yep. Leah wants to surprise Sue for her birthday with some big announcement, so the timing worked out,” he said happily, looking forward to relaxing on the water with Aiden. “Want to come with us?”

“Can’t. I’m meeting with a client,” she said regretfully. 

After the bakery and Kim’s catering business, Nessie had a lot of requests from other businesses. Usually, she’d devote three days a week to working on her various projects, the other days she’d spend at the reservation looking after Billy, helping with tribe issues, having adventures with Jacob, or simply enjoying hiking and taking pictures on her own.

He could still recall the day he’d taught her to surf. She’d popped up on her first try, and turned to see if he was watching -- completely wiping out in the process. He’d painfully snorted saltwater out of his nose at the way she’d sputtered incredulously after surfacing. 

That had been the first and only time she’d gotten knocked out. 

The waves around the rez weren’t all that impressive though, so it wasn’t the grand accomplishment it might have been elsewhere. Maybe this summer in Costa Rica, she’d really get a chance to show off.

Jacob got distracted from his musings by the way Ness’s fingers idly bent and shaped the shiny metal scraps with her fingers. They twisted and curved under the pressure of her fingers, slowly taking shape as she absently messed with the pieces.

“Have you ever given much thought to sculpting?” Jacob asked, eyeing the intricately twisting and branching metal in Ness’s hands. It looked like a tree in winter with barren limbs.

“Not really, why?” He nodded at what she’d created. “Huh, I was just messing around,” she said, turning the eight inch scrapes this way and that.

“We should take a pottery class. I bet they’ve got them in Seattle,” Jacob suggested.

“Together?” Ness asked dubiously, though with no small degree of hidden desire.

“Why not? I’m manly enough to own it,” he insisted, doubting it’d be all that different from wood carving, and liking the idea of helping Ness branch out a bit. She’d been getting frustrated with photography lately, and a temporary change of pace might be just the solution.

“You want to make a vase?” she asked dryly, raising a single perfectly arched bronze brow.

“I was thinking a coffee mug might get more use, but I could make an amazing vase. Playing with mud can’t be that hard, and I bet we’d have fun doing it,” Jacob said, shrugging casually.

“Probably. Count me in,” she said, nodding. “Though I’m betting I’d rather work with metal.”

“We have that area back there,” he said, waving his hand towards the back of the garage where they had a small stretch of open yard that wasn’t being used for anything in particular. “I could build you a workspace this summer,” he offered, earning himself a small smile and a grateful kiss.

The next day, Aiden let slip that Leah was pregnant while they were treading water between waves, and that’s why she’d wanted to surprise her mom.

Happiness at his former beta’s deepest wish coming true had him smiling for days after that.

~

June

Billy had a rough couple weeks after surgery, but he finally seemed to be doing a little better. He was definitely in better spirits lately.

The chemo and surgery appeared to have aged Billy a decade in the last couple months. His hair, already turning white with age, had become brittle and dry though it hadn’t fallen out. He swore the new look was a hit with the ladies, but Jacob knew that was just his dad’s way of staying positive and avoiding pity. 

Carlisle had continued to fly out twice a month to run a full battery of tests, and he was optimistic. That alone took a load off of Jake’s shoulders. 

Ness had insisted on Billy staying with them after his surgery so she could help look after him. At first Billy had tolerated it for her sake, appreciating her concern and enjoying the fusing, but he’d put his foot down the day before and insisted he return to his own place. 

Ness was quiet the whole way home from settling him in.

“Jacob, I want to set a date,” she finally said once they were inside.

“Why now?” he asked curiously. He’d been wondering about it for a while, but he didn’t want her to feel like she had to, so he’d not brought it up, content to worry about other things. Besides, it wasn’t like they were pressed for time.

He wondered if seeing her friend Calli marry Caleb had inspired her. The wedding had been about a week after Billy’s surgery. Paul and Rachel had taken care of Billy while they’d spent the weekend in Wyoming. Ness had felt guilty declining her friend’s request to be a bridesmaid, but Calli understood when she heard what was happening with Billy. They’d spent three days there -- celebrating, helping, and letting her friends all get a chance to meet Jacob. 

“I want your dad there, and I want him healthy enough to enjoy it,” she said quietly, nervously chewing on her thumb nail. It was something she rarely did, but he’d learned it only happened when she was contemplating something serious.

“I think it would mean a lot to him,” Jacob agreed. He wanted the same thing, for his dad to be at his wedding and not feel miserable the entire time. Carlisle swore Billy was doing better, and could realistically live another decade if things stayed the same, but Jake didn’t want to take chances. “So you’re ready to make this official?”

Jacob moved to gently tug her thumb away, returning her amused smile when she realized what she’d been doing. There was so much love shimmering in her eyes that he knew he was the luckiest man on earth.

“I know it’s tradition to get married on the reservation, especially for you, but would you mind terribly if we didn’t?” she asked quietly.

“Where did you have in mind?” he asked, though he already suspected.

“The main house in Forks. Where my parents were married,” she answered, pressing her hand to his cheek and showing him the wedding she desired. 

It was beautiful, and very obviously designed by Alice. Ness didn’t have the patience to decorate a clearing that elaborately with flowers. In fact, flowers seemed almost repelled by her, withering and dying within a week of her attempting to nourish them. Jacob swore she was drowning them, but Ness was convinced she followed the watering directions exactly, and that it was just the plants that hated her. 

“I suppose you’re hoping to let Alice plan it,” he remarked casually, curious to know what she wanted her dress to look like. He’d been in her vision, standing at the front in a tux, and there’d been flashes of others, but she’d not included herself. Guess that was one superstition she planned to adhere to.

“Unless you’re planning on doing it,” she replied drolly.

Shaking his head at the thought, he said, “I guess the only thing left is to decide when.”

“September?”

“Mid September. That way we can celebrate your birthday on our honeymoon,” he decided, already knowing just where he wanted to take her.

“We’re getting married,” she breathed, looping her arms around his neck. 

Jacob bent to press his forehead to hers, happily agreeing, ““We’re getting married.”


	20. 19: Devotion - Mae

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think!

The theme song for this chapter is _Nobody But You_ by Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani.

PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(

~

Ch 19: Devotion - Mae

Year 10 - 2015-2016

July

"Which one?" Alice asked, laying out five images. The wedding dress options all appealed to Mae, her aunt's designs tailored to what she knew her niece would be drawn to, but one in particular stood out.

Her hand reached out of its own volition to bring the page closer. The dress was stunning. Intricate beadwork formed complex patterns interwoven with lace. It was a mermaid gown with a small train and straps that went over the farthest slope of the shoulder with additional straps looped down over her arms. The dress would showcase her narrow waist, long legs and modest cleavage in the best possible way.

Mae's favorite part was the beadwork though. Alice's drawing demonstrated the way they'd fracture light like diamonds - the way a vampire did in sunlight. Wearing this dress would be like having the beautiful, mesmerizing skin the rest of her family had. That side of her personality would be well represented.

"This one," Mae said quietly, lightly touching the sketch, worried she'd smudge the soft, delicate pencil lines.

She'd spent the week with her family visiting and occasionally helping Alice plan her wedding. Alice was handling the majority of the details, though Mae was giving her input on a few things, and Jacob had mentioned several requests he wanted included as well for her to pass along to the fortune-telling mastermind.

Mostly, though, she was just relaxing and enjoying seeing the people she loved and didn't get a chance to be with all the time. Mae had stayed up all night talking twice so far to catch up with her parents, even though they talked on the phone and texted daily. There was just something better about seeing someone in person. And it was nice to note the little ways things between her and her family had already changed.

Several of her old college friends had come to town so they could spend a night out celebrating when she'd casually mentioned she'd finally set a date for the wedding. A sort of makeshift bachelorette party. They'd been stunned, but not really surprised it was actually happening, and only a little disappointed when Mae admitted she'd only be inviting family. She'd circumvented any hurt feelings by suggesting it was because they were saving for the honeymoon and couldn't afford to throw a big wedding, believable to them since they'd always thought she lived at home those three years of college because of money. That combined with their knowledge of Billy's health concerns meant it went over fairly well.

Calli was the most supportive of all of her friends, understanding when Mae had taken off to move in with Jacob right before senior year. She'd been the only person Mae told about any of her history with Jacob. The other girls couldn't believe that Mae had actually let a guy sweep her off her feet so thoroughly, particularly after witnessing so much of her dating life the first couple years they knew each other.

All of her friends liked Jacob. They'd met him when he came with her for Calli and Caleb's wedding. Jacob was good at winning people over. And by the time they left, everyone understood why Mae was a goner for him.

"And the music?" Alice asked, pulling another sheet of paper from the binder she had perched on her lap. Mae could tell she was slightly annoyed that she even had to ask, and didn't just know what Mae would prefer by watching the event play out in her head in all it's possible variations.

"I want Dad to play," Mae admitted, ignoring the paper Alice held. "He'll know what's best."

She loved the idea of her dad composing music to mark the momentous day in his daughter's life. She'd not asked him yet, but she doubted he'd refuse. He rarely did, even if he only gave in on some things begrudgingly or after some prodding from Bella or Jasper.

Alice looked like she was going to question the decision, but then stopped herself, nodding. The glazed, vacant look on her face told Mae everything she needed to know. Probably, Alice just saw a conversation with Edward over the matter, and whatever he'd said altered her outline for the big day or answered whatever question she had about the choice Mae had just made.

When awareness returned to animate her aunt's face, Alice quickly riffled through her papers, pulling several out that she wadded up and tossed into the kitchen trash can. The paper ball formed a perfect arch before landing squarely in the container without hitting the rim, and without Alice even aiming because she was too busy hastily jotting down new notes and adjusting her plans.

"Flowers?" Alice asked Mae as she patiently waited to finish.

They'd already been at this for thirty minutes today. Bella had slipped out the moment they started discussing the wedding. Mae didn't blame her. Alice had cornered her the day she arrived and monopolized her time for four hours making her talk about preferences and look through magazines.

That had been five days ago, and Mae hadn't seen her aunt since. Seth warned that she was in full planning mode, and wanted to have everything narrowed down for Mae to pick from before she left.

"Lilies, orchids, and roses. Then anything else you think will go well," Mae answered, not really having a preference. Orchids were her favorite flower. They were closely tied with sunflowers and daisies, but she didn't really want the other two in her wedding.

"Color scheme?"

"Sage or forest green, gold, and ivory," Mae answered before Alice had a chance to lay out the pages she'd arranged to showcase the various combinations she'd considered for her.

Jacob's favorite color was green, so that had been a given, and Mae preferred ivory to white. White tended to wash her out and ivory had more character.

"Not this one?" Alice asked, touching a page done in wine, champagne, and dark grey wistfully. "Or even this maybe?" She pointed at a dusty rose, lavender, and beige assortment. Mae hated pink and purple so those were definitely out. Not to mention they clashed horribly with her hair.

"You never really struck me as the type to choose such sedate colors, Auntie Alice," Mae commented. "I figured you were the type to pick red or yellow or something bright at least."

"For everyday outings, yes. But this is a wedding! They're supposed to be classy and elegant. Sophisticated," Alice insisted, sighing dreamily.

"You're not up to doing that with the colors I picked?" Mae baited, certain her aunt would rise to the challenge.

"Of course I can!" Alice huffed, shaking her head. Clearly Mae's attempt didn't fool her in the least. "But how about copper or bronze instead of gold, to really set off your hair," she suggested, briefly touching the first page she'd laid out again and shaking her head saddly.

"That's fine. I just want some sort of metallic accent," Mae said, favoring the way they shimmered.

"You're much easier than Bella was," Alice remarked. "She refused to give me anything to work with. Though at least with her I could see if she'd ultimately like what I selected."

"I could be difficult if you'd prefer," Mae offered drolly, maintaining a straight face.

"No, this is working well," Alice said quickly.

"Jacob wants his mother's chocolate cake recipe used for the wedding cake," Mae added, wondering if that was anywhere on Alice's list of questions regarding preferences.

"I'll call Billy for it once we're finished," she promised, smiling happily.

Mae's entire family were thrilled about the upcoming union. It was strange, not a single person expressed a doubt or reservation. Not over her choice of groom or over her decision to go ahead and marry despite her relative youth. Part of her wondered if everything was too good to be true. But mostly, she assumed they understood that Jacob was everything to her, and that he made her the best version of herself - usually without even trying.

"What else is there?"

"We haven't discussed bridesmaids and groomsmen," Alice replied, riffling through her binder again. The pages turned with such speed that Mae was shocked they didn't rip. Even her enhanced eyes found it difficult to keep up with.

Alice paused and looked up, giving Mae an expectant expression. She realized her aunt was waiting for an answer. "We decided not to have any."

"Not even one of your friends from school or another imprint?" Alice asked with wide eyes.

"No. It's important to me that my family be able to behave normally. I don't want to have to pretend Bella is my sister rather than my mom. I don't want any of you wasting a single moment focusing on acting human instead of celebrating with us and being yourselves. We're only inviting our family, the pack, and other friends that know," Mae explained. It was a point she and Jake had discussed earlier, each coming to the same conclusion.

"That does open things up for me. I can work with that," Alice said, smiling fondly as a scheming glint entered her eyes.

"Is that your dress?" Seth asked, coming up behind Alice and leaning over her shoulder to get a closer look.

Quickly, Mae covered the sketch with other papers, yelling, "Don't ruin it!"

"How could I ruin it?" Seth asked, bewildered. He looked from Alice to Mae, and back to Alice seeking clarification.

"She's worried Jacob will see it when you phase, Seth," Alice explained, reaching to take his hand, their fingers tangling automatically.

"Pixie, you know I have better control than that," he claimed, sounding wounded by their lack of faith in his ability to hide something for his alpha.

"Of course you do - now," she snipped, pressing her lips together and giving him a pointed look that had him blushing. Mae did not want to know what that was all about.

"You'd look beautiful in this," Seth said casually, picking up one of the other designs Alice had come up with and holding it out for her to see which he was referring to.

"Yes," Alice agreed. It was true, but then, she'd look pretty in anything. Alice reached for a nearby magazine, flicking through the pages before stopping on a particular image. "But I'd prefer something like this," she said, indicating the dress with elaborate floral lace. It was sleek and tight at top, but flowed out into a train. It was obvious the model was very short and tiny, just like her aunt. The dress seemed as though it had been designed with a pixie in mind. Perhaps that was the reason Alice liked it. It reminded her of Seth's nickname.

A few minutes later when Alice left to call Billy, Mae watched as Seth tore the page from the magazine, and pocketed the picture of the dress. Silently, he held a finger to his lips and winked conspiratorially at her. Interesting. Equally silent, Mae tapped the page displaying ideas for the first color scheme Alice had suggested. Wine, champagne, and dark grey. Seth's mysterious grin grew as he slipped it into his pocket with the other stolen picture.

The pair jumped guiltily when Carlisle entered. Her grandfather looked between the two, but refrained from asking, too used to his family's antics by now.

"Ah, wedding plans. Alice isn't going overboard, is she?" he asked knowingly.

"No, actually. It's quite strange," Mae mused, only just identifying what seemed off about her aunt this trip when her grandfather asked about it. Alice wasn't exactly known for her discretion or restraint.

"Jasper spoke to her last week about it. You might want to thank him," Carlisle said, lips twitching with amusement.

"And now it all makes sense," Mae said slowly, words ending in a laugh.

"You know it's only because she loves you guys, and wants you to have perfect moments," Seth inserted in defense of his mate, lightly bumping her shoulder as he spoke.

"You're welcome to use Isle Esme for your honeymoon if you wish to," Carlisle offered. Seth and Mae exchanged startled looks, before Seth burst out laughing.

"Oh… umm, actually… well, thanks, but… " Mae stuttered, nausea pushing against her throat at the idea like a fist knocking on a door.

"But she has no intention of ever stepping foot in the house were Edward and Bella had sex and created her," Emmett supplied for her from the living room where he'd been largely ignoring them in favor of a football game.

"Hmm. Yes, I suppose that would be slightly uncomfortable," Carlisle said, looking distinctly uncomfortable himself just then, the thought not occurring to him prior to making the offer.

"Not the least bit romantic - for either of them," Seth added, still grinning widely.

"We've already got that part covered, Grandpa," Mae rushed to assure him, grateful for his generosity, but also wanting to change the subject.

"Where are you going?" Seth asked, curious.

"New England. We're renting motorcycles and starting in Maine then driving southwest through the White Mountains and Green Mountains," Mae said.

"That sounds fun," Rose said politely, coming into the room and sitting at the table, idly looking through Alice's wedding plans. "Very pretty during that time a year with all of the fall foliage."

"Not your idea of fun, but it is ours," Mae said, exchanging a smile with her aunt. "You'll fix my hair for the wedding, won't you?"

Rosalie looked like she wanted to cry at the request, but she quickly moved to stand behind Mae, her fingers combing through her hair, experimentally twisting and turning the long tresses. From her position, she could see Em watching his mate with the most tender expression Mae had ever seen on the massive vampire. The game no longer held any interest for him.

"We should practice, Sweetheart," Rose said, continuing to work with her hair.

~

Later that night, Mae called Jacob. The desire to hear his voice, a soul deep yearning.

"This is the longest we've been apart since the day you showed up at my door," he answered, sounding a little petulant. Though she couldn't really blame him. She was feeling the same way. Five days was a long time.

"I'll be home in a couple days, but I miss you too," she admitted, hoping her honest words would cheer him up a little.

"The bed is too cold without you," he whined, making her laugh. With their combined heat, they rarely used blankets. Snuggling together instead with the air conditioner cranked up in the summer and the windows open in the winter.

"Aw, you poor baby. I bet Paul would let you come over and cuddle," she teased, rolling onto her back in her old room. Most of her things had been cleared out, packed up and delivered to her new home when she'd moved in with Jacob.

The room smelled strongly of Bella. Mae figured her mom came in whenever she was missing her daughter. It was revelations like that one that occasionally left her feeling a little guilty for growing up so fast and deciding to live her own life. But then her mom would say something supportive or Jacob would give her his signature hungry look, and there was no room for anything but happiness in her life.

"Funny. You're funny," Jacob said dryly, mock laughing.

She should have suggested Quil, seeing as he was still actively phasing. The three original wolves, Sam, Jared, and Paul, had all begun the process of quitting before Jacob had even moved back, and had all begun aging over the last six months, and therefore weren't actually as hot as her anymore.

"Did Alice get my message?" he asked hopefully, changing the subject.

"About Kim? Yeah, she said she talked to Kim earlier about her catering company doing the food for the wedding, and that you'd already picked the dishes," Mae verified, grateful he'd taken care of the food. She wasn't exactly the best judge.

It surprised her how involved Jacob actually was with planning the wedding. When Calli and Caleb had married earlier that year, she'd said he left everything up to her so it could be her dream day, and he was just looking forward to having her as his wife. It had sounded a little like a copout to Mae, but it went along with everything she'd ever seen in movies or on television with the guy not wanting to be bothered with tedious details and bored with planning flowers and decorations.

Jacob wasn't like that. He wanted a say in all of the decisions. He was extremely happy to let Alice handle actually making all the reservations and adding her personal flare, but he still added input on everything. Even more than she did on some of it.

Perhaps that shouldn't surprise her as much as it did. They'd formed a partnership since they'd gotten together. This was just one more situation where they made decisions together since it involved both of them.

"I planned the route for our honeymoon and finished placing all of the reservations too," Jacob said huskily. The low, raspy sound made heat pool deep in her belly.

"Someone was productive today," Mae said, trying to sound normal and not like she regretted being unable to climb him like a tree at that precise instant.

"Only because I've been missing you since the moment you left, and I can't wait for it to start," Jacob admitted. The raw vulnerability in his confession pierced her heart.

"Same. I love you, Jacob," she said sincerely.

"I know," he chuckled. "Are you at least having fun?"

"Yes, but I stayed up all night talking to Mom, so I'm dead tired."

"Wait, before you go to bed - what are you wearing?"

"Right now?" Mae asked, glancing down at the tank and shorts she was wearing. Feeling the need to play with him a little, she whispered, "Nothing."

"Oh, geez, woman! I swear you're trying to kill me," Jake groaned, and she pictured him rubbing his face and falling into a chair. "One more thing..."

"What?" she asked, slightly breathless, wondering what he'd ask of her.

"Did you finish that book already, Darlin'?" Jasper asked loudly from the living room where he and Bella were relaxing together. The exaggerated question served as a pointed reminder that she was currently in her parents' house and not alone with Jacob.

"I want you to -"

"The walls have ears, remember?" she reminded him sadly.

"Aw, fuck, you're right," Jacob sighed, clearly disappointed to have his plans thwarted.

"You poor, neglected wolf," Mae cooed, smothering her laughter with her pillow.

"Damn right, I am," Jacob agreed, barking out a wolfish laugh.

"Dream of me?"

"Sure, sure. Like I'm getting any sleep after that," he grumbled.

"Try your hand or a cold shower," Mae quipped, giving in to the urge to giggle when she heard him sputtering on the other end of the line. He was definitely going to make her pay for that later.

She couldn't wait.

~

September

The night before her wedding, Alice insisted she head to bed earlier than Mae would have liked. She'd decided to stay in the room she'd used whenever she'd stayed at the main house so she'd wake up surrounded by her family and be able to help with last minute preparations before Alice and Rose set in on her. She was too wound up to sleep, and doubted she'd be able to anytime soon. Tension coiled her muscles into tight knots. Morning couldn't come soon enough.

Entering her room, she gasped at the sight of the wolf sprawled out on the bed. The window thrown wide open. "You're not supposed to be here," Mae hissed, rushing over to dive atop him.

"I can't sleep without you," he whispered pitifully, nipping her earlobe and tugging as they settled against one another. The action made her breath catch, and her hips rolled against him, seeking friction and relief from the desire he inspired.

"I can see that," she gasped, running her hands over his solid frame, fingers recognizing the familiar lines of his powerful form. The strength in his muscles only barely contained.

"See? I need you," he insisted, catching her hand and dragging it down to cup his erection. He was large, hot as a branding iron, and entirely hers. As if her fingers had a mind of their own, or were just as addicted to him as the rest of her, they closed around the thick rod and deliberately stroked him.

"Jacob!" Mae hissed, glancing around.

Every member of her family, including all of their Denali cousins were currently in the house. Not to mention several guests that she'd met on her travels when she'd been younger. The Amazons had arrived a few hours ago, while Ben and Tia had come earlier in the week. The Irish coven had said they were coming too, but they'd not yet arrived.

"I'll be quiet. They'll never even notice I'm here," he promised, trailing kisses down her neck.

His hand eased between her legs, cupping her intimately. Mae's head fell back when the heel of his hand pressed boldly against her aching core. "Maybe you can, but I'm not so sure I can," she admitted.

Jacob's hand retreated, and he lifted his head to rest their foreheads together. Both of them were breathing roughly, taking short, shallow gulps of much needed oxygen that did very little to douse the fires he'd so easily stoked to roaring.

"Trust me, we'll notice." The sound of her dad's less than amused voice from the doorway to her room was an unwelcome bucket of ice water.

"Edward," Jacob said tersely, stiffening, but not making a move to release his hold on her.

"Jacob." Edward's return greeting was equally clipped.

"Funny seeing you here," Jacob managed, turning his head just enough to spot the vampire. He must have been very distracted not to notice Edward approaching the room. Either that, or the sheer number of vampires gathered had frazzled his senses.

"Hilarious. I'm sure you were just on your way out," Edward deadpanned, his arms crossed firmly over his chest as he stared down her fiance.

When Jacob remained on the bed, making it clear he had no intention of leaving anytime soon, Edward sighed. Mae caught a flash of the wicked grin Jacob was giving her dad, practically daring the vampire to do something about it. Edward raised a brow then nodded over something Jacob said mentally.

Edward was beside the bed in a flash, clutching Jacob's ear and pulling him bodily from the room. "Hey! Ow, geez. Okay, I get it. I'm going," Jacob protested, laughing as Edward continued dragging him out.

"I'm just making sure," Edward replied, his response carrying to her from the hallway. Mae sat, torn between stunned amazement and flabbergasted amusement.

"Edward? Everything all right?" Bella asked, halting in Mae's doorway as she watched the two men slowly progressing down the steps.

"Nothing I can't handle. Why don't you check on Renesmee," Edward answered politely.

"I'm sure you made a point to see Bella the night before you two got married," Jacob sassed, seeming to be inspired by her mother's sudden appearance.

Mae covered her mouth, physically blocking the giggles attempting to escape. Bella turned to smile at her, moving to sit beside her on the bed in the spot Jacob had just vacated as the two listened.

"And I'm sure Charlie would have had something to say about that if he'd known. You're not as lucky - I heard what you were planning on doing," Edward retorted with heavy emphasis on the latter part. Mae could only imagine the vivid images running through Jacob's head a minute ago. Obviously they'd been graphic enough to spur her dad into action.

"It's not like we haven't before," Jacob snorted. Almost immediately, he yelled, "Hey! Watch it, I still need that."

"Some traditions should be upheld for peace of mind's sake," Edward said dryly.

"I really can't wait until you fall in love again," Jacob said, and somehow it sounded almost like a threat.

"Yes, I'm sure you'll enjoy torturing me," Edward agreed, confirming her suspicion just as the front door opened.

"Count on it," Jacob vowed, then louder, called, "I love you, Nessie!"

"Out, Mutt. I'm with Edward on this one," Rosalie said.

"Sure, sure, Blondie," Jacob joked good naturedly.

"Well, that was certainly exciting," Bella murmured, smiling at Mae as she ran her fingers through Mae's curls. The touch was relaxing, and Mae curled against her mother, resting her head in her lap.

"Wasn't it?" she laughed, loving her family and Jacob with every cell in her body. "Definitely a memory I'll never forget."

"One you can share with your children someday," Bella agreed, continuing the soothing motions. Little tingles danced across her scalp, making her eyes droop sleepily.

"Was he right? Did Edward visit you too?"

It was several moments before she answered, then the tentative reply sounded, "Yes. But his brothers came and got him." Mae waited for more, then realized Bella probably couldn't recall anything else since she'd still been human at the time.

"Will you stay with me until I fall asleep, Momma?"

"Of course I will," Bella said, bending over her to squeeze her shoulders in a hug. "You haven't called me that in years," she mused.

"I guess I'm feeling sentimental tonight," Mae said, earning another hug from her mother. "I love you, Momma, and I'll always be your little girl - even after I become Jacob's wife."

~

Mae was bouncing, tiny clicks sounded each time the silver and white stiletto heels that had once been Bella's tapped the wood floor at the top of the stairs. She couldn't wait to get started. Where was he? Why wasn't Jacob here yet? She couldn't wait to see him!

"You're sure mom's okay with this?" she asked again, needing to be certain. Bella hadn't once protested or suggested Mae wait. Which was strange, because Mae knew how her mom felt about people getting married.

Mae remembered the day not long after they'd moved to Alaska when she'd asked Bella why she and Jazz hadn't married. Bella had frozen, an ice sculpture, pristine and coldly distance at the very notion.

_Then she'd replied, "I'm too young. People should be together, really be together, before they make that kind of commitment. It's not a race. Marriages don't work in the long run if the people involved aren't certain they can weather the bad times as well as the good ones - and that takes time to figure out."_

Mae believed that. It had unwittingly shaped the tone and outcome of all of her relationships. She also knew she had a lifetime of experiences with Jacob. The last two years had proven that their foundation was immovable. They could weather anything. And come out stronger for it, besides.

"Why wouldn't she be?" Jasper asked, humoring her. Her smile grew impossibly wider at the standard answer he seemed to have rehearsed since he'd fed it to her so many times already that day as well as repeatedly over the last couple months.

"I know how she feels about marriage, and people that marry young," Mae said, rolling her eyes and glancing out the window again. Damn it, where was he? She was good and ready to get this ceremony going so she could marry him already!

"You've been living with him for two years now. If you don't marry him soon, Edward will be the one you need to worry about," Jazz said dryly.

"Yeah, but I'm not even ten yet," Mae said, frowning at the oddness of the words. She'd already graduated college and started her career. And here she was on her wedding day - all before the age of ten.

Human years at least. Being a hybrid made her a little different. She'd stopped aging a little before the age of six, eternally twenty-three.

"You will be in a week," Jasper reminded her. "And Bella couldn't possibly be any happier than you are - trust me, I know."

"You would," she agreed, delighted at the jest. "Do you think you and mom will ever get married?" Her earlier thoughts making her wonder. They'd certainly proven they could weather anything as well.

"Maybe, someday. We're in no rush," he said, a hint of a smile teasing his lips.

"I think you should," Mae said, looking out the window again, "Hff," she grunted when the results were the same as the last fourteen times.

"I'll let you be the one to persuade her then," Jasper said easily, as unconcerned as Bella no doubt was over their lack of official documents. Their faith and love in each other was such that external validation was unnecessary.

The sound of Jacob's Camaro floated to her, a familiar lullaby. Alice had arranged for Jacob to park behind the house so it would be easier for Billy's wheelchair to move about. It was why she'd staked out this particular window, knowing she'd have a perfect, uninterrupted view of him arriving.

"He's here!" she exclaimed, darting forward to race downstairs. Jasper caught her hand easily to stall her. "Fine! I'll wait like a good little girl," she sighed, but pressed her face to the window anyway, trying to at least catch a glimpse of him.

All she could see was the trunk of his car.

Had he already gotten Billy settled? Could they finally get started now? Dad! Edward! Start the music already, she mentally yelled, hoping he'd oblige. "Augh," she groaned, annoyed when he didn't.

"Careful - Alice will kill you if you smudge your makeup," Jazz warned.

"Right. Don't want to face the pixie's wrath today," Mae agreed, still trying to look outside.

"Did you doubt that he'd show?" Jasper asked, amused as he watched her.

"Never," she breathed, tearing her eyes from the window to briefly look at her papa. Then her eyes were trained on the ground below again.

A hearty sigh escaped her when she realized she'd not spot him through the window. There was no way he wasn't already positioned at the front of the aisle, and this window wasn't facing the correct direction to catch a glimpse of that.

"It'll take them a few minutes to get settled, Poppet. There's still time for me to get Edward if you'd like him to walk you as well," Jasper offered.

Mae had deliberately only asked Jasper to walk her, even knowing he would have understood if she'd elected to have them both escort her. Edward loved her, and he'd done the best he could to be her father, succeeding far more than he hadn't. But Jasper, well… he simply was her papa. From before she was even born, he'd always been the one she turned to when she was hurt or afraid. Jazz protected her, loved her, and made certain she was strong enough to know her own mind and go after what she wanted.

"No, he's got the music. This should be for us. I'm so grateful you chose to be my dad. It feels right this way, and we have you to thank for today even happening," Mae said thickly, tearing up as she spoke. He went to her at once, cupping her cheeks and brushing away the tears. "Thank you, Papa. For knowing what I needed before I knew myself," she said, hugging him tightly.

"I'm your father. It's my job," Jasper whispered, kissing her cheek.

"It's time," Alice chimed, the words carrying to where they waited inside.

They were at the Cullen's house in Forks, where their journey started. The place Bella had met the Cullens in the first place. The place where Edward and Bella had married, hours before Mae was conceived. The place Bella officially joined the Cullens - first in marriage, then with venom. The place where Jake had imprinted on her. The place where her parents fell in love. The place where Mae spent her first year, or thirteen years, of life. The place where the packs originated. The place where it all began, and where they'd always eventually return to.

Edward began playing the piano, a complex and rich melody that he'd composed specifically for this moment. The moment Mae tied herself to another for eternity. With his blessing, no less. To the man she loved above all others, now and forever.

Jasper walked Mae down the aisle, with her practically dragging him in her rush to get there. Mae watched as Jacob nodded, taking the hand Jazz offered. The instant they touched, their eyes locked, much as they had at Leah's wedding. The rest of those gathered ceased to exist.

Mae watched the man she loved. He wiggled his eyebrows, and she bit back giggles. Warm hands, confident and steady dwarfed her own, surrounding them in a protective hold.

An undefinable emotion had been niggling at her for days. Tormenting her with its elusive name. It wasn't until she was standing there, her hands clasped in Jacob's, the massive wolf with shining onyx eyes, nearly melting as he took her in, that she understood.

The emotion was certainty. Crystal clear, unblemished, perfect certainty. In him. In them.

Mae was certain that Jacob was everything, and that this was right for them.

"Nessie, Renesmee," he corrected quietly, her name a disbelieving exhale, "I've known you your entire life. This is where we met, where you changed my life so much for the better. You gave me purpose when I needed it most. Since then, you've never faltered or waivered in supporting me - in whatever I need. You told me you wanted humor, art and adventure, and we've definitely had that and more. I vow to never stop trying to give you those things and to be for you what you are for me. I will support you and love you, because your very existence is everything to me. And it will be everything to me for the rest of eternity."

The ring slid easily on her finger just as it had a few nights earlier when they'd "practiced" this part. She recalled the night clearly, giddy with joy for the upcoming ceremony.

_Only then, Jacob had said, "I promise to kiss every inch of your body at least once every day. I promise to make you scream in pleasure on our thousandth wedding anniversary just as you will tonight. I promise to always be your personal blood bag, so that my body sustains you because I love how wild you get afterwards. And I vow not to engage your fathers when they attempt to kill me for saying all of this in front of everyone."_

_"Jacob! You wouldn't dare!" Mae cried, throwing her arms around him, and burying her face against his chest as embarrassed laughter tumbled out of her in unrestrained joy._

_"No, but now you're going to be thinking about these words instead when we're in front of everyone," he predicted sagely._

_"You're impossible," Mae groaned, smacking his shoulder. "Utterly incorrigible."_

_"So I shouldn't mention how much I want to bury myself inside you," he tried, holding up his arms defensively when she pretended to beat him with her hand for the lude suggestion._

_"No!" she gasped, scandalized at the idea._

_"What about how we're supposed to be enemies and you cover that by giving me dozens of la petite morts each week?" Jacob joked, scooping her up and tossing her over his shoulder in a fireman's carry._

_She gulped in a startled breath after his shoulder dug into her stomach as he climbed the stairs, then again after as she adjusted to seeing the world upside down. Although the view was rather appealing. He was careful not to jostle her too much as he walked._

_"Try it and you'll be waiting decades for the next one," Mae warned, smacking the firm buttock in front of her._

_"Like you'd willingly hold out or voluntarily skip what I offer," he snorted, knowing they both desired the other too much to take a threat like that seriously._

_"My fingers work just as well," she quipped._

_"Show me," he commanded eagerly. And she had - much to his enjoyment._

But he was right. She definitely was inadvertently substituting the vows and trying not to laugh or blush any brighter as she thought over his wicked words. And that conversation had inspired a few changes to her own vows.

"It's always been you, Jacob, in my heart. Always. Our families are natural enemies. I doubt anyone would have predicted us. But despite that, you've been my protector - literally killing to save my life, my best friend - the only one I could ever open up to fully, and most recently, my partner and lover. We've had ups and downs, times together and apart. I missed you for years, but I don't regret a moment of that time apart because our destinations have always been the same - a future together. No matter what. You have my unconditional love, and you will forever," she said, swallowing past the lump in her throat as she slid the ring on his finger to settle over the tattoo he'd gotten a few days earlier since he wouldn't be able to wear the ring and phase without damaging it.

Mae liked that he'd gotten the tattoo before the actual wedding. It displayed the sense that he was just as certain that today would happen and that he was thrilled to show the world that he was officially, permanently, taken.

Mae was practically bouncing when Quil Sr. finally indicated that it was time for Jacob to kiss her. If he'd waited any longer, she had a feeling Jacob would have been through with waiting, and ignored him as he did it anyways because she was in his arms before the words even left the elderly Quileute's mouth.

Pictures and congratulations were a blur, and before long, though honestly the wait had seemed interminable, Jake and Mae were gliding across a newly erected floor for the first dance. One song became three, which became five. Neither had any intention of releasing the other.

Too bad no one else was on board with the plan. Or maybe they just hadn't gotten the memo… Unlikely.

"Think you can bear being without me for a little bit?" Mae asked, suspecting their families were just about done giving them space.

"No," Jake said frankly, snorting in protest at the ludicrous idea and pulling her impossibly closer.

"Unfortunately, it looks like you're going to have to try. Uncle Em is headed this way," Mae warned, feeling Jacbo's hands clench briefly on her hips. Almost as though he intended to snatch her up and run off with her.

"Let's just disappear. I want to keep you in my arms this whole day," Jacob suggested, completely serious.

Honestly? Mae longed for the same. They should have eloped, just the two of them. Then had a party for everyone else another time.

The thought had just crossed her mind when she caught sight of Billy and was reminded of why she'd wanted this in the first place.

"You'll survive a few minutes," Mae said, wincing and shooting him a sympathetic look. "Go ask Rachel or Leah to dance," she suggested, leaning up to kiss his cheek a second before Emmett caught her hand and stole her away.

"Blondie is going to play a song for you and Edward in a bit. Make sure you find him - I owe him this favor if your family is so intent on monopolizing you," Jacob said mysteriously, though he scowled at Emmett.

"Sorry, Jacob!" Emmett called, not the least bit sorry. When he looked her over, he nodded and said, "Marriage looks good on you, Mrs. Black."

"Mrs. Black? That'll take some getting used to," Mae giggled, her cheeks straining under the near constant smile they'd been curled into that day.

"You've made all our lives so much better. Certainly more exciting," he said, moving surprisingly light on his feet for such a large man.

"That's really sweet, Uncle Em," she said, stopping to impulsively throw her arms around his neck. He hugged her back before leading her over to Jasper. It would be a good time to take advantage of making the rounds with her family and guests while Jacob was busy doing the same.

"I hope you can feel that it's the same for me," Jasper whispered thickly, leaning towards Bella as though the six inches separating them were nearly unbearable.

"I can. I do everyday," Bella vowed, glowing with her happiness.

"Papa? Will you dance with me?" Mae interrupted. She'd been standing there for their sentimental exchange, but was inpatient to have her turn.

"It'd be my pleasure, Poppet," he drawled, bowing over her hand before swinging her up into his arms, and making her giggle like a child once more.

"I hope I'm always as happy as you and Mom," she said, the only comment she had for what she'd heard.

"I have a feeling you will be," he said, glancing to where Bella and Jake were now dancing, both laughing loudly as they did.

The song played without any more conversation, both content to share with their gifts. Mae showed him scenes from their life together, moments that were significant to her involving the two of them, or them and Bella. Throughout it all, he shared his pride, love, and hope with her.

"Can you take me to Dad?" she requested when he started leading her back to Jake, where he was still laughing with Bella. Was that cake smeared on her face?

They passed Quil with his wife, Kyra, who had just learned that she was expecting her fourth child, on the way. Claire, their preferred babysitter, was helping wrangle the other three children, one of which was trying to pull on the tablecloth that the cake sat on.

"Jake said they're going to play another song for us to dance to in a second - something about returning a favor," Mae said to Edward when they reached him.

He smiled, bittersweetly, a touch of genuine humor, but his eyes went back to staring at Maggie with her perfectly curling wine-hued hair. Mae turned back to her dad and was startled by what she saw. Fascination. Edward was never one for a poker face - at least not a convincing one, and it was currently an open book. Edward nodded absently, likely agreeing to some private thought directed his way.

"Who is she?" Edward asked, nodding at the redhead. Maggie was beautiful, Mae had always thought so, but she'd not expected her father to notice. Yet…

Maggie was old-fashioned, much the same way Edward stubbornly was. Though instead of stubborn, Maggie was more mysterious and serene. She was cultured and excelled at music. Probably even rivaled Edward. Her gift left her outspoken and honest to a fault, in a way that had always reminded Mae of Leah. And her innocent beauty was reminiscent of Bella's.

Honestly, Mae couldn't imagine a more perfect counterpart for her father existing if she could have designed one to taylor fit his preferences.

"That's Maggie. She's part of the Irish coven. I met them a few years ago on the trip I took with Grandpa Carlisle and Grandma Esme," Mae said, eyes shining with delight at the prospect of her dad having a crush on someone new.

The Irish coven hadn't made it in time for the ceremony, and since this was the first time Mae had noticed them, they'd probably just arrived.

"Why? Do you want me to introduce you?" she asked impishly.

"She has the most sincere mind I've ever heard," Edward murmured, all but ignoring Jasper and Mae watching him.

"She's gifted. Anytime someone lies, she feels a flash of incredible pain," Mae explained.

Considering the way Edward was wont to bend the truth to suit his purpose, this should be interesting.

"She - where did you get this song?" Edward demanded, switching topics part way through as Rose began playing a lullaby on the piano.

"Auntie Leah gave it to Jake. He said you wrote it about me. I hope it's all right that he had Auntie Rose play it for us to dance to," Mae said, suddenly sounding uncertain. She'd wondered what Jacob had been referring to earlier, but now she knew. It was his gift to them.

"It's perfect, and so are you," Edward choked out, pulling Mae onto the dance floor and spinning her around. "I wrote it in Italy. Working on it whenever I missed you."

"I love you, dad," Mae said sincerely.

"You're my proof," Edward vowed.

He'd said that to her once before, in reference to how he knew he was capable of goodness. Her existence was proof. As well as how he knew forgiveness was possible - because she'd allowed him into her life after the things he'd done. The way he'd wanted to destroy her and threatened to kill her. She understood. Even more now than before. She might very well threaten to kill anyone who ever dared threaten Jacob.

"I'll remind you anytime you forget," Mae replied lightly, loving him despite it all.

Edward spun her around the dance floor. Past Alice sitting on Seth's lap, nuzzling his nose while Sue and Charlie purposely looked anywhere else from their seats beside the besotted couple. Past Leah dancing with Aiden, her long, glossy hair flaring out whenever he spun her. Apparently her morning sickness had finally wanned, otherwise she'd surely hurl if he turned her that fast one more time.

"Come on, Dad, I'll introduce you," Mae said brightly, looking for Maggie. Edward's attention had been torn the entire song, half on her, and half remaining on the female vampire.

"Renesmee," Edward hissed, but let her drag him over regardless.

Mae led Edward over to Maggie when the song ended. Maggie watched them approach speculatively, though there was definitely a keen interest when she saw Edward. Objectively speaking, he wasn't ugly, so that was to be expected, but Mae detected something more than the usual looks he got in public.

"So you were the one able to sleep with a human," Maggie asked, looking him up and down with interest.

"It was not without difficulty," Edward said, grinding his teeth as he fought to remain polite after such a personal subject was dredged up. It was priceless!

"No, I haven't," Edward said a second later to something he'd read in her mind.

"Yes," Edward huffed, exasperated.

Mae took that to be a good sign. Maggie was already getting under her dad's frozen, stone exterior. Sensing he was in capable, if not altogether gentle, hands, Mae excused herself to locate Billy, the final father in her life.

"Hi, Pops," Mae greeted, dropping heavily into the seat beside him. Her feet were killing her in the narrow stilettos Alice had chosen first for her mom then loaned to her. But they were pretty and made her the perfect height for Jacob, so she'd not complained.

"Pops, eh?" Billy asked, a single brow raised in question while his lips quirked up despite his efforts to remain stoic.

"Who says a girl can't have three dads?" Mae teased, smiling fondly as she took Billy's hands into her own.

"You've made me unbelievably happy today," he said, gripping her hands as hard as he could. Even that effort on his part was barely detectable. His fingers had become so slim and knobby, the thin skin stretched so tightly over the bone that Mae feared the blunt edges of the phalanges would push right on through, shredding it like so much tissue paper.

Carlisle had reluctantly told them the week before that he wanted Billy to begin radiation therapy as soon as possible. He believed that he'd actually caught the newest tumor early enough that surgery wouldn't be necessary, but everyone was still worried. Paul and Rachel had promised to look after him while they were on their honeymoon and call if anything happened. Mae was optimistic that things would go well.

"I guess that's only fair since your son has done the same for me," Mae retorted brightly.

Billy made it easy to ignore the evidence of his illness, even when it was staring her in the face, and stay positive. His was an iron will. A core of strength that would ultimately prove capable of withstanding anything.

"Don't think I don't know you two rushed this for my sake," Billy said offhandedly, glancing around to take in their elaborate surroundings.

"You're getting senile in your old age, because I don't have a clue what you could possibly be referring to," Mae said breezily, all mock innocence.

"Don't you?"

"I was just worried he'd change his mind if we didn't get this part over with," Mae jested, laughing outright at the notion.

"Right, like that boy will ever look anywhere else ever again. I'm so happy I got to be a part of this," Billy admitted.

"Don't talk like that," Mae scolded, hushing him and begging, "You've got to stick around long enough to meet your next grandchild."

"You're not -" he began, alarmed enough to turn a peculiar shade of mauve at the idea.

"No! No, not yet. Not for a few years yet - you understand?" Mae rushed to deny, shaken by the idea of that happening now or that she'd unintentionally implied that it had, when she'd just wanted to give him a reason to stick around longer.

"I promise I'll do my best," Billy said, unshed tears giving his eyes a glossy appearance.

"I love you," Mae whispered, throwing her arms around her father-in-law. He chuckled and patted her back, uncomfortable with the emotional display.

Mae met Jacob's eyes across the room when she pulled away, and he mouthed 'I love you'. The simple act tugged at her, guiding her to him on the straightest path possible through the assembled wedding guests before she'd even realized her feet were carrying her to him.

"On that note, can I steal you for a minute?" Mae asked him pointedly. She needed him. They'd been good long enough. Today was supposed to be about them anyways. It was time for them to consummate their marriage.

"Wh - Oh! Yeah, see you guys," Jacob said, following after her like a mindless zombie.

Mae glared at everyone that approached, scaring them off. She was through waiting.

~

The first few days of their honeymoon had been filled with sweet, tender moments and slow love making in between their adventures traveling through the beautiful forested roads surrounded by brilliant color and remarkable sights.

On the fourth night of their trip, Jacob had drawn things out, working her up to the brink of orgasm again and again then stopping just short. For hours he'd tormented her, never letting her reach her peak. Not until she'd been an aching mess, begging him and threatening to finish herself did he take them over the edge together for the most intense orgasm of her life. She'd been mush, putty in his hands afterwards, and it was hours before the afterglow completely faded.

Then the day before, when she'd fed from him, Jacob had spun her around and tugged her leather pants down to her knees so they pinned her legs together. Afterwards, he'd bent her over her motorcycle and taken her from behind. It had been hot and rough, not to mention sexy as hell.

Married life was the absolute ultimate. Definitely a way to spice things up - not that they'd needed to be, but it was exciting regardless.

Their adventure on the motorcycle had given her an idea. One she was currently trying to coax Jacob into doing.

"Sure you want to try this?" he asked, climbing onto his bike.

They were in the middle of nowhere, a tiny dirt road likely intended for mountain biking instead of actual motorcycles, but it was late and no one was still out in the woods.

"It's my birthday. You promised - whatever I want," Mae prompted, moving to his side and kissing his cheek.

"It'll be a bumpy ride," he warned, though from the way he was looking at her, he was as eager to try as she was. It wasn't like their bodies couldn't handle things a little rougher - or like they wouldn't both enjoy it.

"Sounds… intriguing," Mae taunted, capturing his shirt in her fist and hauling him in for a passionate kiss.

"I'll have to go slow so we don't crash," he said, offering her his hand to pull her astride him.

"That's fine, but it's not like we can really get hurt anyways," she reminded, lifting her hips to unzip his pants. Besides, she trusted his superior and supernaturally enhanced reflexes enough to know he could split his focus and they'd still be fine.

He was rock hard already, and he revved the engine right as she sunk down on him, taking him fully inside herself as her skirt fluttered out around them. She'd skipped wearing panties precisely with this moment in mind. Mae's head fell back at the sensation of fullness and she moaned when he started forward, the bike's momentum forcing him impossibly deeper.

The purr of the engine vibrated through them, creating a pleasurable hum. Each bump sent their hips carenning together at the place where they joined. Jacob's head dipped to nibble a path along the top of her tank where the mounds of her breasts threatened to spill out.

"Faster, Jacob," Mae commanded, using her feet against the back foot rests to ride him.

Immediately, he complied, speeding up the bike, and incidentally, their bodies coming together. His teeth tugged at her pebbled nipple, and Mae keened in response, arching into him.

When he released his hold on the sensitive nub, she nipped his neck, relishing the way his pulse jumped in expectation, anticipating her bite. She didn't disappoint, sinking her teeth into his russet skin just hard enough to break the skin and claim two mouthfuls of the tantalizing nectar that was Jacob's blood before the wound sealed.

The mounting tension coiling inside her splintered and shattered unexpectedly, her climax overtaking her with a furocity that left her a shuttering, boneless heap in Jacob's lap.

Jacob slammed on the bike's brakes, dropping his feet to the ground and clutching her tightly to him as he came, spending inside her in a rush of heat that filled her.

"That was… "

"Incredible?" Mae supplied for him, nuzzling his neck in the spot she'd bit him.

"Yeah. Let's take a honeymoon trip every anniversary," he suggested.

"Sounds like a plan to me." Having an adventure like this every year would definitely be something she would enjoy indulging in.

"Happy Birthday, Nessie Black."


	21. 20: The Reason for Existing - Jacob

Author’s Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think! 

Here it is… the final chapter!!!!!! Thank you to anyone that stuck with this and read the entire story. Originally, this series was going to be a trilogy, with the third story about their son, Jensen, but there hasn’t been as much interest in this story as I’d hoped, and I have a few other ideas I really want to work on, so I’m going to focus on those instead. Maybe someday I’ll revisit this.

This chapter is meant to be mostly teasing glimpses at the future just so you know it’s all happily ever after, sunshine and rainbows -- that sort of thing. At least between chapter 19 and the end of this chapter...

The theme song for this chapter is _A Thousand Years_ by Christina Perri.

PS I’m not Stephenie Meyer, so I don’t own anything :(

~

Ch 20: The Reason for Existing - Jacob

Year 17 - 2023-2024

September

“Do you have a minute?” Ness asked nervously, chewing on her thumb nail the way she always did when her brain was on overload and she couldn’t focus or see a clear solution to a problem. 

He’d been getting ready to head to work, nearly finished with his breakfast, but one look at her and he decided she was worth being late. Honestly, it was a no brainer. Ness always came first -- she was his top priority. 

“For you, I have all the time in the world,” Jacob said, holding out his hand to her. Ness rushed to his side, letting him pull her onto his lap.

“Do you remember when we went to Croatia?” she asked, flushing and smiling a little as she mentioned the trip they’d taken for their seventh wedding anniversary.

“Ness, that was less than three weeks ago. And considering what we got up to, I’m not likely to forget it anytime soon,” Jacob teased, brushing a kiss across her cheek. 

They’d had the whole trip planned, but somehow all the various places and activities ended up scraped in favor of enjoying long hours in the hotel tangled up with each other. No phones. No family. No worries. No distractions. It’d been bliss. Utter bliss.

“Speaking of what we got up to… I’m-pregnant,” Ness announced, the last two words slurred together and difficult to comprehend. Just as he started to decipher them, she continued, “I just spoke to Grandpa, and that’s what he thinks is happening, at least.” 

Nessie scanned his face. Her chocolate eyes flicked rapidly back and forth between his, and a deep wrinkle carved a groove above her nose. She was… But how?

“He replaced your IUD just before we left,” Jacob said stupidly, not really understanding how this could have happened.

“Grandpa said it must have fallen out because it’s not there now -- I triple checked,” she murmured, wringing her hands. He caught them with his own, carefully untangling them and weaving his fingers between hers to clasp them tightly.

“That’s why your family is coming to visit,” he stated, suddenly understanding why she’d called her parents the night before and extended the impromptu invitation for everyone to come visit that weekend. “Wait, how long have you suspected?”

“Three days,” she admitted, wincing guiltily. “Sorry I didn’t say anything -- I know I should’ve, but... I wanted to be sure. I talked to Grandpa this morning -- I couldn’t wait until he got here tonight, and I just took a test,” she said quietly, the words barely louder than the sound of her exhale.

“And it was positive?” Jacob asked, anxious for that substantial proof.

Ness opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Instead, she pressed her hand to his cheek and showed herself coming out to tell him as soon as she’d taken it rather than waiting the requisite three minutes. 

Jacob stood up, nearly tumbling Ness to the floor in his haste. Catching her around the waist, he righted her, then grabbed her hand and began pulling her towards the stairs.

“Come on!” he yelled, racing to their bathroom, and dragging her along behind him.

“Jake! Hold on,” Ness gasped, grabbing his arm and planting her feet as she skidded to a stop. Her resistance hauled him back and prevented him from entering the bathroom. He looked back at her and immediately detected her chalky, washed-out features.

“Ness, I love you -- no matter what,” he vowed, dropping her hand in favor of cupping her cheeks and hauling her close for a kiss. Never-sated passion took over at once, deepening the kiss. There was a new depth to it, this latest development shifting things between them in some indefinable, yet very perceptible way.

“Jake,” Ness gasped, tearing her mouth away and burying her face against his shoulder.

This wasn’t planned. They’d not discussed the possibility. Not since just after their wedding when they’d decided to wait for the decade mark before discussing it again. They were careful not to take chances. Always so very careful. Years ago they’d decided that when the time was right, Carlisle would run a battery of tests to figure out how dangerous it would be before they even attempted to have a child, neither willing to give up the other if it proved too dangerous. But it seemed the choice may have been taken out of their hands. The only thing left to do was find out for certain if it had.

“I know you’re scared, but we have to know,” Jacob said, running his hand over the back of her head, and wrapping her tightly in his arms. 

He knew, even without her saying it, that she was more afraid this was a false alarm than she was of the risks involved. Now that the possibility was out there, he wanted it to be true so much himself.

Jacob eased forward, poking his head into the bathroom to stare at the little stick she’d left on the counter. The oval window clearly said pregnant in a neat blue script of tiny block letters.

“Does that mean… is that,” he tried, not entirely sure how the thin bit of plastic worked or if he was even seeing clearly. Maybe he was simply projecting what he desperately wanted it to say. 

Nessie’s head turned, and her arms tightened about his middle as she gazed upon the same thing he was looking at. “Yes.”

“We’re really having a baby?”

“Yes, Jacob,” she confirmed.

Jacob dropped to his knees pressing his ear to her belly. He could just make out the faintest sounds, but part of him wondered if he was imagining things merely because he wanted them so badly. Nessie laughed, and wove her fingers tenderly into his hair, watching him with glassy eyes, a smile stretching her lips.

Images of Jacob cradling a tiny bundle wrapped in a white blanket that fit neatly into his two giant hands filled his head. His size dwarfed the infant, making it appear even smaller. Then Jacob was splashing in the waves off First Beach, scooping up a giggling little boy and tossing him into an oncoming wave the way he used to with Ness. Next he was in the garage, holding a tire while a little girl, her hair in pigtails, was tightening a lug nut.

It was perfect. Precisely what he wanted too. A simple, happy future with his family.

A tendril of fear crept in, attempting to overshadow his joy. Because now that she’d spoken up, he realized all the little changes already evident in her body -- changes that had happened far too fast. The idea of this turning out to mirror Bella’s pregnancy in any way was terrifying.

“Are you safe?” he asked in a choked whisper.

“I don’t know. I guess we’ll see,” Nessie murmured, running her fingers soothingly through his hair, petting him the way she had a habit of doing when he wore his wolf fur. She didn’t sound scared, only resolute.

“Ness, my Ness,” he said, taking his cue from her, and pressing kisses to the soft skin of her belly over where their baby was currently residing.

“You’re happy then? Even though this wasn’t planned, and --”

“I love you. I love you, and our baby. I always will. This happened because it was meant to -- I know it,” Jake rushed to reassure her. They’d handle this the way they handled everything else -- together.

~

Three days later, every single member of the Cullen family had invaded his home. It was the first time they’d ever shown up en mass. Jacob didn’t even mind. Not when they made Nessie smile so delightedly. 

His family was there as well. His father, Rachel, Paul, and even Thomas. Though Thomas was twitchy and looking a bit wild-eyed surrounded by so many vampires. He’d shifted the year before, when he’d gone to visit Jacob while he knew Bella and Jasper were visiting. Rachel had wanted him to wait another year, but he’d snuck over, enlisting Nicky, currently a senior on the reservation, to drive him and shifted within minutes of encountering the two Cullen vamps.

“The ultrasound isn’t working,” Carlisle announced, frowning at the blank screen. 

Jacob didn’t know why he’d bothered with it. They’d tried the day they arrived too, and it hadn’t worked any better then when they’d unpacked the three vehicles they’d arrived in, bringing the contents of a fully stocked emergency room with them for the visit. So far nothing had been needed. 

At least nothing that was actually working on her. 

Nessie was nearly as durable as her family. Of course the ultrasound wouldn’t work. It was that fact that was keeping Jacob from freaking out. She was so much stronger than Bella had been. And the baby was just a little bit more human. 

Plus, by this point, Bella had been less than a week from giving birth. Her entire pregnancy lasted less than a month total. Ness only looked like she was approaching her fourth month. It seemed like simply acknowledging the baby’s existence had given it permission to grow overnight though. The baby bump so much more pronounced already.

Jacob exchanged looks with Edward. In an instant, a new dynamic formed between them. But Jacob wouldn’t let fear rule his actions, nor would he let Edward make the same mistakes again. Helped that the brooding vampire now had Maggie. She grounded him in a way none of his family had ever managed to.

“Guys, stop. I feel fine,” Nessie promised, holding out her hand and expecting Jacob to take it. He didn’t make her wait.

“The pregnancy is accelerated,” Jake stated, reaching to tuck Ness’s curls behind her ear. She felt normal, same temperature as always and not clammy or dry. Bella hadn’t. He remembered. It had to be a good sign.

“Yes, but not nearly as much as Bella’s was. Less than a quarter as fast by my estimation,” Carlisle replied, measuring Ness’s waist. She rolled her eyes at Jacob. Dimly, he recalled when Carlisle used to measure her multiple times a day. He wondered when that stopped.

It reminded him of the conversation they’d had the night before. Ness had hated how obsessed her family had been with her rapid aging. The graveyard pall it had cast over the first year of her life -- the only time she’d truly been a child. They’d agreed that no matter what, they’d not do the same.

Their little one could be part vampire and immortal. The child could be a wolf shifter that one day imprints before choosing to age and die with his love. Perhaps he or she might be entirely human and ultimately decide to become a vampire the way Bella did. Or the baby could be a hybrid that ages rapidly with immortality never setting in. None of that took into account accidents. Because there was never a guarantee. Even with immortals.

Regardless, they’d made the decision together to love the child unconditionally, and not waste time worrying, or unintentionally hurt their baby by focusing on their concerns rather than the time they had.

Ness would never tell Bella how much it had hurt her that her mother seemed more afraid of her aging than missing out on her childhood. It was understandable given Bella’s own childhood -- or lack thereof. But instead, they vowed not to make the same mistakes.

“She’s already showing and it’s not even been a month,” Bella moaned fearfully, voicing Jacob’s own concern, and curling into Jasper’s side. 

“That’s because she’s having twins. Don’t you hear the individual heart beats?” Carlisle revealed amid a roomful of incredulous gasps. 

Only Edward appeared unsurprised, likely having already heard as much in Carlisle’s mind. Instead, he’d plastered on a reasonably believable smile for his daughter. Too bad his stiff posture ruined his attempt at appearing happy for her rather than terrified out of his mind.

Jacob found it easier to momentarily think about Edward’s reaction than his own. 

Twins. 

Twins! 

Twins...

Twins? 

No… except his family had unfalteringly had a set in every generation for as far back as the records went. There was no rhyme or reason to it. It didn’t matter that the trait should only be passed down through the females in his line. And yet Dr. Vamp was right. Jacob could hear the dual beats. 

Jacob looked to Billy. His dad’s lips were pressed tightly together, smothering a grin. Likely, he was remembering when it had been his wife pregnant with twins. Jacob was so grateful he dad had managed to stick around long enough to be part of this. He’d be eternally in Carlisle’s debt for all the work he’d done to ensure it.

“Congratulations,” Carlisle added, tenderly smiling at his granddaughter. The lack of concern he showed at this latest development eased Jake quite a bit. Twins increased the likelihood of complications, but Jacob knew Ness was strong. She could do this. They both could.

“Jacob, say something,” Ness begged, searching his face for an honest reaction to the news.

“At least they won’t out number us. We can totally handle twins,” he said, nodding confidently. Her answering smile was blindingly bright.

~

The entire pregnancy was monitored closely. And by entire, that meant just over four months. The process more closely followed her aging, each day equaling two, but with it being twins, she didn’t go full term. Carlisle speculated that the duration of her pregnancy meant the twins would grow into immortality as well, but at a slower rate than Nessie’s had.

Ness’s body really was better suited for the growing and carrying supernatural babies. She experienced none of the complications that Bella had. No broken bones. No wild temperature fluctuations. No dietary constrictions. 

The only thing that really changed was that she needed to feed more frequently. A lot more frequently, actually. So much, that Jacob was no longer able to be her primary donor. She still drank from him, a little bit each day, but she had to supplement it with blood bags and human food -- cheese and bean pupusas in particular.

It was because of that, that her family learned Nessie fed on him. Well, apart from Edward who had no doubt already seen something about it in one of their heads. But talk about awkward!

“Kinky,” Emmett remarked, smirking evilly.

“This is exactly why the privacy has come in so handy the last few years,” Jacob said, glancing around his house.

“Hey! I wasn’t judging, but you have to admit --”

“Emmett, shut up,” Bella snapped. 

She, more than the others, had been on edge since learning of her daughter’s pregnancy. She wanted her daughter to experience the joy she herself had, and would always support her, but Bella was scared. Enough of her memories from that time had survived her transition intact. 

Esme, with Alice and Maggie’s help, had initiated a move from their current home in Boston to Vancouver so the family would be a little less than three hours away. They all wanted to be part of the twins’ childhood, and Jacob was glad they’d be closer for Nessie’s sake. Somehow motherhood had acted as the necessary catalyst to make them see and treat her as another adult among them, rather than the family’s collective baby.

Carlisle had already been a frequent visitor, flying in every two months to check on Billy. He’d needed surgery twice more over the years, and various therapy three more times, but he was still hanging in there. Privately, Jacob thought it was because he was stubbornly trying to hold up his end of the promise he’d made Ness about sticking around long enough to meet his grandkids.

It was worth the four month wait when he held his perfect twin daughters for the first time. The girls were beautiful. They reminded Jacob of Nessie when she’d been a baby with their perfectly symmetrical features and extraordinary beauty, except they didn’t have a full set of teeth and they’d inherited their coloring from him. Large, dark, onyx eyes and a cap of shiny, stygian hair. One of the girls was a slightly deeper shade of glimmering russet than the other’s fairer golden, but both had the luminescent quality that Ness’s skin held.

For nearly a decade, Jacob had believed that he was finally complete. Nessie was the missing piece of himself that he’d always needed in order to know true happiness. He was nearly immortal and needed to make heaven on earth because there would never be an afterlife for him -- not so long as Ness drew breath. But the very moment his daughters were born, he redefined happiness. Redefined the meaning of being complete. 

It was like imprinting. His heart swelled, growing impossibly bigger -- so big his chest nearly couldn’t contain its mass. Gravity shifted. His world tilted on its axis, only to right itself with a whole new focus. The only thing that made sense was at the center of it all -- his three girls. 

Names had taken weeks to decide. Jacob had put his foot down over anything too unusual while Ness had insisted the names had to be meaningful. In the end, they’d decided on Sarah Rose, after Jacob’s mother and Rosalie, and Bryana Jasmine, after Embry and Jasper. Blondie had been so moved that she’d gone a whole week without insulting Jacob after they were born. Probably the most boring things had ever been with her around. He much preferred the teasing banter and pseudo antagonism.

~

Year 20 - 2026-2027

Jacob was crawling around on the floor with two giggling girls draped across his back like sacks of grain. Carlisle had been right about their aging. His little scamps were closer to six than three, and he was enormously grateful that their aging was significantly slower than Ness’s had been. He was thoroughly enjoying raising them and getting to goof off like a little kid again himself. It was also easier for them to be friends with the other pack member’s kids since they didn’t outgrow them as quickly as Ness had Claire.

The girls were particularly close to Quil’s two youngest daughters and Leah’s two boys. Occasionally, they even spent time with Sam’s kids or cooed at Jared’s infant son.

“Daddy!” Sarah squealed, darting left. “Bet you can’t catch me,” she challenged, laughing as her little legs pumped her forward.

“I’ll stop him,” Bry screamed, launching herself at Jacob’s back right when he stood to give chase. Her leap put her in range of Jake’s neck, and her tiny arms locked in place as she dangled. Jacob pretended to fall under the attack, groaning pitifully as he rolled on the ground, defeated. 

The twins always sided together, looking out for one another. It helped that they had the whole twin telepathy thing going on. Except in their case, it was quite literally happening. They shared a mental link that allowed them to silently talk to one another. The girls could only do it with each other, but it was almost as if various aspects of their lineage had come together to establish the gift. Edward’s ability to hear thoughts, but with the selectivity of Jacob’s pack mind. Nessie’s ability to insert thoughts into other’s minds at will. And Bella’s ability to shield, because no other mental gift worked on the two young hybrids.

The girls were laughing, Sarah rushing back to her father’s side now that his attack had been thwarted, when he heard Ness throwing up in their upstairs bathroom. 

“Ness? What’s going on?” he called, deliberately keeping his tone calm so as not to scare the girls.

“I’m not sure,” she replied, turning on the faucet. He listened as she splashed water. Probably rising out her mouth and cooling her face. She’d been a bit clammy that morning when he’d woken. He’d chalked it up to their combined heat and the need to amp up the thermostat now that summer was in full swing. But... 

When she came into the room, Jacob gave her a cursory once over. “I could hazard a guess,” he said, seeing all the little cues that added up to a single larger conclusion.

Jacob continued tickling Sarah while Bry hopped off his back and raced over to hug Ness’s legs. Ness’s hand automatically reached down to smooth Bry’s tangled hair, but her attention was primarily on Jacob, and he saw the confusion etched on her face in the little pucker that formed between her eyes. 

“Bad blood?” she guessed, shaking her head and rejecting the idea even as she said it.

“Your boobs are bigger,” Jacob remarked, surreptitiously glancing at the enlarged mounds. They were larger than he’d ever seen them, far larger than they’d been when she was pregnant with the girls.

“What?” Ness gasped, looking down at the loose shirt she wore. It was one of his, and while it was baggy, the cotton molded to the raised curves of her chest.

“I noticed this morning,” he added, scooping Sarah out of the air when she tried to jump up and grab the wood railing by the upstairs landing that overlooked the family room. The girls loved swinging from it, but Jacob worried it’d break since they were a little too strong for it to handle the abuse.

“Of course you did,” Ness said dryly, though the way her lips twitched betrayed her amusement.

“They’re perfect. Why wouldn’t I?”

Her head shot up suddenly, and Jake watched as her mouth fell open in realization of where his thoughts had gone. “You think I’m… “ she began, trailing off. After a second, she tried again, musing, “But I never got sick with the girls.”

“Made it’s a boy this time,” Jacob countered, shrugging. They’d not necessarily been trying to get pregnant, but they also weren’t not trying either. After the twins were born, Ness hadn’t gotten her IUD replaced, deciding to leave it to chance.

“Funny,” she snorted, then blinked several times, a dreamy smile crossing her face as her hand came to rest against her still flat stomach. “You’re right, I am.”

“I’ll call Carlisle,” Jacob offered, jumping up and moving to kiss her before searching out wherever the girls had hidden his cell phone.

~

During Ness’s second pregnancy, they decided to move into Billy’s old house on the reservation, and raise the kids there. Billy had passed away the year before from complications during his fourth round of therapy. It was just too much for his body to handle. Jacob was just glad for the extra years he’d had with him thanks to Carlisle and Seth’s combined efforts.

Both he and Ness liked the idea of the kids growing up there, where enough people knew the truth of their origins that they’d never have to hide. Plus, there were enough other kids that they’d have friends. They’d never face the isolation and unintended loneliness that Ness did during those first couple years.

Jacob spent the majority of the five months Ness was pregnant working on renovating Billy’s old house and getting them moved. They were keeping the other house for sentimental reasons, and planned to use it as a vacation home for as long as it was standing.

They also decided that Jacob would focus on leading the tribe and raising the kids while Nessie worked from home, and became the breadwinner -- not that they really needed the money. 

That year marked the twelfth that Jacob had been with Alaska Airlines, and it was time to move on. The only reason he could believably pass for being in his mid-thirties was because of how in shape he was. Everyone just assumed he took really good care of himself. But eventually, even that reasoning would fail to hold up. Someday, he’d return to engineering, but not until after the kids were grown and out on their own.

The day their son, William Jensen Black, was born tied with the day the girls were born as the best day of his life. He and Ness had both cried when Jake held him for the first time while their girls nestled in on either side of their sweaty, exhausted mom. Their perfect little family, so unexpectedly wonderful.

The girls thought Jensen was a toy just for them, and they begged to take turns holding him. Jensen had Ness’s curls, and where the girls were practically little replicas of their mother, Jensen looked strikingly like Jacob. Though Edward was particularly smug over the boy’s hazel eyes. The hints of jade and emerald green a gift from his grandfather’s human life that somehow managed to get passed down.

~

Year 255 2261-2262

Ness missed home. 

That single statement initiated everything. Jacob had called Esme the same day and events had been set in motion. Before he knew it, the Cullens were renovating their old house in Forks with the majority of the family enrolling in high school -- a fact Alice was pouting over since Seth would be working at the hospital with Carlisle instead, and he and Ness were preparing to move to La Push. 

Only Edward and Maggie weren’t joining them. The two were traveling on their own for a while after spending most of the last century with Bry and Sarah. Plus, Maggie hated repeating high school, though she would on occasion for Edward’s sake when he wanted to be with the rest of the Cullens. Maggie might not enjoy the modern high school experience, but she’d taken to the vegetarian lifestyle with surprising ease.

The twins were on their way home too, nearly as thrilled as their mom to be moving home, but had detoured to visit Siobhan and Liam on the way for a couple weeks.

The excitement was a blade tempered with a bittersweet edge for many of them. Seth, Bella, Jacob, and Nessie in particular. They’d all lost people that once lived here, so it wasn’t quite a perfect homecoming. 

Exactly one month after finishing the restoration on their old house, the same one that Jacob had grown up in so long ago, they invited certain key families still living in the area to a cookout. They’d stayed in touch through the years with all of the former pack member’s descendants, doing things differently than they had in the past, but most of their old friends were long dead. 

The current pack had roughly ten members. Though only Jacob, Seth, Brady, and Jax from the original packs still lived. And Brady had stopped phasing nearly twenty-five years earlier when he finally imprinted so he was no longer a wolf and had moved to Houston with his wife.

There were others in the pack over the years, Quiluetes that possessed the gene and had consciously chosen to become wolves. Those members came and went. Most that joined only remained a part of the pack for approximately a decade before quitting for various reasons. But Jacob always welcomed any that wished to join, and the tribe had agreed that they were willing to trigger even more when the Cullens moved home. 

The first two generations after the Cullens moved away had the most that voluntarily chose to initiate the shift. Young boys that wanted to be like their fathers. Leah remained the lone female to ever shift. At one point the pack had been up to thirty-three members. That had been an adventure. Managing them and his own children had been a full time job. 

Many of the members over the years had been family. Everyone from Thomas, Rachel and Paul’s only son, to Jase, Alice and Seth’s son. As of now, the only direct descendant of Jacob and Ness’s was their son, Jensen. Though he was rarely home. He had a wandering soul, and spent the majority of each year traveling the world.

Their girls were much the same way, neither deciding to have children when they were able to or take a mate, though they finally seemed ready to settle down for a while. And luckily it was where the family was. Ness didn’t understand it. She was more the family and roots type, but then, she wasn’t always exactly like her parents either.

Their children were wonderful. They’d been raised in La Push until they were grown and ready to venture out into the world. Jacob couldn’t believe his luck. They were as compassionate as their mother and as happy as him, with their parents’ combined adventurous spirit. Each was unique and perfect in their own way. 

For three years he and Nessie had tried to conceive a fourth child, but it wasn’t meant to be. That was alright though. They had each other, and they had Sarah, Bry, and Jensen.

~

People hadn’t even started to arrive for the cookout when the call came in.

“Hel --”

“Dad, I get it,” Jensen cut in.

“What’s that?” he asked, catching Ness’s eye and waving her over so she could hear the conversation too.

“Why it never worked. The connection you and mom have. All of it,” Jensen babbled excitedly, the words coming out in a rush.

Jensen had wanted to settle down, and had tried to fall in love a number of times throughout the years, but it never worked out. His expectations were always too high. No one could ever measure up. It didn’t help that he’d grown up witnessing perfect couples so attuned they could finish each other’s sentences with ease, and often appeared to perfectly complement the other.

“Nessie,” Jacob whispered, catching sight of her startled eyes, then asking his son, “Are you saying what I think you are?”

“Yeah. I imprinted,” Jensen confirmed.

“What?” Jacob gasped.

“She’s incredible. We’re both traveling, and it was just like bam! Imprint. The universe shifted and finally makes sense,” Jensen said, amazement sounding clear through the phone. “And… and she’s like me -- us,” he finished huskily.

Jacob felt Ness grip his arm in surprise, and he blinked stupidly a couple times before clarifying, “She’s a wolf?”

“No. Not exactly… jaguar,” Jensen admitted. Jacob could picture his son, hands buried in his pockets, toe kicking the ground sheepishly, head ducked and shoulders hunched to make his six-foot-five-inch frame seem less intimidating.

Cats and dogs… should be interesting.

“Where’d you meet her?” Nessie asked, leaning toward the phone.

“Casole d’Elsa -- Italy.”


End file.
